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How to create a happy family? Starting a family: simple rules and conditions

A happy family despite all the tests.

The first couple of years after marriage, the spouses feel passion, love, desire for each other. However, after some time, especially after the birth of long-awaited children, these feelings cool down. Some couples just turn a blind eye to this and try to go with the flow, while others do not like this prospect of a relationship. And if some are trying to return family happiness and harmony to their home, others simply give up and get divorced. But is it worth taking such drastic measures? Isn't it easier to show a little prudence, and instead of looking for a new partner, try to save the marriage by returning the idyll to your own family?

What or who interferes with family happiness?

Such questions are of interest not only to married couples, but also to researchers and psychologists. According to the second, family happiness is hampered not only by everyday life, work or postpartum depression of women, but also by those around them, and often close and dear people. So, let's look at the main factors that can influence the marital happiness of couples.

Life, work, children

Constant employment, routine, monotony can destroy even the strongest relationships. Moreover, it has a destructive effect on both men and women. So, the head of the family disappears for days at work in order to provide his family with everything necessary. Sooner or later, such a workload is psychologically exhausting. Hence breakdowns, bad mood, unwillingness to do anything, apathy, depression due to constant stress. Imagine a situation if a husband comes home after a hard day's work, and his wife starts to "saw", they say, he returned late, did not take out the trash, did not fix the tap, etc. It is worth remembering that for men, the house is a fortress, where he should feel needed, loved. After all, men are like children: they also need attention and love, understanding and care. Without this, a happy relationship cannot be built.

As for women, the picture here does not look simpler: everything rests on their fragile shoulders - the house, the children, and sometimes the material well-being of the family. It is generally accepted that women are psychologically stronger than men. However, over time, their "batteries" also run out, and then this insane hurricane is very difficult to stop. Imagine for a minute: a woman is torn every day between screaming children demanding attention, food, drink, games, etc., washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking and other "female" responsibilities. By the evening, when there is no longer any strength left, she has only one desire - to rest calmly, to sleep well. But a gloomy tired husband comes home and begins to criticize: either the soup is not so salted, or the shirt is not ironed, or the toys are not assembled. And many people generally reproach that the spouse sits at home for days and does nothing. Has anyone ever thought about where the cooked lunch or dinner came from on the stove? Who iron and evenly folds the laundry on the closet shelves? Why is the dirty dishes not propped up by the gander of the tap, but are beautifully arranged in their places? And how many times a day do you need to walk with a vacuum cleaner, removing the consequences of the baby's games? But all this takes a lot of time and effort, and not so much physical as moral.

From all that has been said, the only conclusion follows: both spouses get tired in the same way (of course, provided that everyone is fully engaged in their duties). Therefore, it is foolish to blame someone for idleness. Show understanding, try to help each other, be interested in the affairs of your half. Be attentive and, perhaps, less demanding, because sometimes we wish from our beloved (beloved) the difficult or completely impossible, which leads to conflict situations, resentment. Relax more together: go for a walk with the whole family, have fun, stay alone, sending children to grandparents, arrange romantic evenings, make small surprises. It is not difficult at all, but such actions will help maintain family relationships at that romantic stage, which they were before or immediately after marriage. It is equally important to believe and trust your partner. Respect him / her. It is these feelings that are the foundation of a happy marriage.

Parents of spouses

You can talk about the relationship of spouses with their parents forever. Some are lucky with them, others are not very lucky. What do you mean "lucky" or not? In the first case, mother-in-law and mother-in-law (respectively, father-in-law and father-in-law) do not go into the relationship of the newlyweds - and this is the correct position in the opinion of many married couples. Yes, they can sometimes give good advice, and the young will definitely take it into account. But this happens infrequently and, most importantly, unobtrusively.

In the second case, "bad luck" is total control by parents over the young. Not a single step of the spouses goes unnoticed. All actions that relate to everyday life, raising children, preparing food and even relations between young people are carefully monitored and adjusted in their own way by the mother-in-law and mother-in-law (as a rule, fathers do not participate in such intrigues). What happens in a young family? Complete discord, scandals, tears, divorce. None of the spouses can withstand such an onslaught. When a family collapses due to the fault of parents, young people are convinced that they simply did not fit each other, although in fact it was the parents who made the effort to break the once happy family.

Is it possible to get rid of total parental control? You can, but you need to show firmness of character, be patient. Try to explain to your mother-in-law / mother-in-law that you are adults and independent people, that your family is YOUR family, and you are responsible for it, and you know how to act in a given situation. Of course, you should not refuse help from your parents if you really need it. It is also not worth limiting the communication of your children with their parents - this will aggravate the situation, a new conflict will appear, and much more serious. And remember, if you decide to declare your own independence, then you are now responsible for each of your actions.

Sisters and brothers of spouses

We may not even suspect that our younger brothers or sisters can become the destroyers of our marriage. It would seem that the usual custody of them will not bring any harm. But when these family relationships become a burden, measures should be taken, otherwise ideal family relationships will burst like a soap bubble.

What to do? Create an activity for your brother / sister that will distract him / her from your relationship. Does he / she constantly ask for money? Help me find a decent and interesting job. Stays up late at your house, preventing you from enjoying each other in private? Present a dog or other animal - now he / she will have something to do in his / her free time. Another option is to give birth to a child, then the problem with an obsessive relative will be solved by itself.

Friends and comrades

Both spouses need rest and relaxation. And friends in this matter are the main assistants. But the spouse does not always accept the friends of their half. Husbands are not satisfied with too frank or eccentric girlfriends of their wives, and wives are not happy with their husband's rude or too cheeky friends. Often friends and comrades take a lot of time from married couples: either the wife and her friend disappear in cafes or shops, or the husband leaves for the whole weekend for hunting or fishing. But ideally, spouses should spend their free time together in order to keep that invisible bond that once reunited them.

Of course, spouses need to rest even from each other. But this should not be done as often as it usually happens. Still, family, children and loved one should remain a priority.

Hobbies and hobbies

Today many men (and some women too) are addicted to computer games. Sometimes this hobby turns into a real gambling addiction. Such a person is no longer interested in anything: neither family, nor work, nor communication in reality. The virtual world is everything for him: his wife, children, and parents.

If the addicted person cannot overcome his passion for games or other activities to which he is very fanatic, marriage with him is doomed to failure. What can be done? The very first thing is to talk to him frankly, looking into his eyes, without reproaches, shouts, insults. Make it clear that he is dear to you, as well as the relationship with him. Help overcome this addiction, because it is easier to fight together than to cope with problems alone. Give a chance, and you will be able to keep happiness in your family, even if it will be very difficult to do it.

If the passion has disappeared ...

Many factors influence the relationship between spouses. And if earlier the touch of the second half caused delight, a storm of emotions, and now you only feel irritation, then we can say that the passion has left your relationship. Is it possible to return it? Psychologists are sure that you can. But why does passion leave the relationship? There are several reasons for this:

  1. Lack of romance. Often spouses become boring, forget to pamper each other with gifts, make surprises, and prefer watching TV or sitting at the computer to a fun vacation or a walk in the park.
  2. Accumulation of grievances and claims to each other. Often, in a fit of anger, the spouse speaks nasty things to each other, which is difficult to forget. Isn't it better to resolve conflicts in calm tones, coming to a general consensus that will satisfy both?
  3. A banal habit. When the feeling of novelty disappears, the relationship becomes mundane, boring. Imperceptibly, the spouses begin to annoy each other, and soon hate each other. It is almost impossible to remedy this situation.

In order not to completely destroy family relationships, one should adhere to certain rules that psychologists advise. But be prepared for the fact that you will need a lot of effort and patience.


Using these tips in combination, you can achieve harmony, brightness and reciprocity in your relationship with your partner.

Secrets of a Happy Family Life

Even in spite of the sad statistics of divorces, it is possible to save your own family, but it will take a lot of effort. The main thing is to follow the advice of psychologists, and then you will be guaranteed a long, happy family life.

  1. Be emotionally responsive and approachable. Always respond to your partner's requests, do not blame, do not shut up, do not make fun of. Be an assistant, like-minded person, support, advisor. Emotional responsiveness and availability in a married couple should be mutual.
  2. Embrace your partner's differences and see them as real. Many associate love with similarity. There is a feeling that partners think the same way, feel the same thing, say similar things, but it only creates the illusion of unity, closeness and security. In such a relationship, any disagreement or dissimilarity is perceived painfully. Any difference the partners must take and respect for granted. Be aware of these differences and learn to accept the person as they are. Only then will there be harmony in the relationship.
  3. Learn to cooperate and come to an agreement. Help each other, respond positively to requests, discuss future plans together, seek compromises. If there are controversial points, do not be afraid to discuss them and express your own opinion - this will help in the end to come to a common solution. And if you have agreed on something, observe these agreements without fail.
  4. Do not interfere, but promote the self-development of your partner. Interaction is the success of a marriage. Happy spouses are those partners who, together, were able to achieve certain successes that could not have been achieved alone.
  5. Treat many things lightly and with humor. Life is short, and you shouldn't waste it on quarrels, ridiculous showdowns, omissions, stupid accusations. If there is some kind of frivolous embarrassment - put everything in a joke, laugh, be distracted. After all, pleasant emotions and laughter quickly defuse the atmosphere, destroy the negativity, set you up for a positive wave.
  6. Organize your life correctly. Household responsibilities can be divided into all family members, but how you do it is up to you. The main thing is that in the future, everyone is responsible for their own zone, without shifting their responsibilities onto another. Of course, it is possible and even necessary to help a loved one, but do not count your services to everyone, take it as a voluntary contribution to family coziness and comfort.

Mother Galina Filippovna Sokolova is an amazing bright person. The widow of the famous Moscow priest Feodor Sokolov, she has been raising 9 children alone for 7 years. Her eldest daughters are already married, raising their children, the eldest son is serving in the army. Probably, there were few easy days in my mother's life: during the life of Fr. Theodore, who raised more than one large parish, all his efforts were spent on building the temple of God, there was often no money in the house. With the departure of the priest, the parish became orphaned, but even in the most difficult days, mother found strength to console, help, approve.

You can read more about the life of the Sokolov family, about how mother Galina and future father Theodore met in the article " " and " “. On our website you can read other conversations with Mother Galina: , .

This time we asked my mother to tell her about how to find family happiness, how to start a family correctly and keep it from breaking up.

Recently His Holiness Patriarch said on radio "Radonezh" that the institution of the family is being destroyed in our country. I listened and thought that if the Lamp of our Church speaks such words, then it is truly so. It can be seen that both the Patriarch and our Church are worried about how young people live, what their goals are, what their views are, what they want from life.

I saw different young people, different families: happy and not very happy. All the same, families are built in their own way. It is necessary to watch from childhood how life developed in people, maybe mistakes were made somewhere. And it so happens that parents give everything they can to their children: both faith, and an honest, hardworking, moral life, and some of the children, growing up, can get off the good path. And before again being in the bosom of the home church, you need to endure a lot of adversity, to see the world with different eyes.

Somehow girls from our parish, their parents, approached me and asked me to pray: the girl graduated from the institute, she would have to find a husband. Of course, you really sympathize, seeing that both the parents are good and the daughter is good, and she wants her to be happy. But how to find family happiness?

Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets has a book "Family Life", which, I think, should become a reference book in every family. It can be read and re-read, especially by young people - it is so deep and all-embracing, so everything is laid out on the shelves in it. It can be used as a saving thread. You feel that something is amiss in the family, take this book as soon as possible, read it. Not only will you learn something useful, but even the peaceful spirit of the book will be passed on to you. You will calm down, you will immediately see your guilt, peace and silence will improve in the family. I think that young people should definitely have this book.

I think every person has their own half. And you need to prepare for a meeting with her. Of course, when a person is born, the Lord already knows his future, but still He gives the opportunity to choose his own path. There is always a choice which path to take.

Mother's prayer

There are, of course, God's chosen ones who have been given to help us - these are the well-known saints. The Lord chose them, seeing their parental deed, and their parents were already lamps. The Lord chose them so that later they could pray for the whole world, help us with their prayer and help. They lead us through life, we defend ourselves by their intercessions before the Lord, by their love. You ask Saint Nicholas: “Saint Nicholas, help me, dear. You are a friend of Christ, you are his chosen one of God, given to us by God. Don't leave me, help me, you see everything and know everything. "

Their path was determined by God, but people have freedom in life. In any life question, a person has a choice: how to act, how to behave, what to choose in life. And there is always a choice of what to do: according to the will of God or according to your own whim, according to your stubbornness. Mom tells children, for example, 16-17 years old, that you need to do this, I feel like this in my soul, you better go here, but you don't want to, children don't accept it. I would like to go through some bumps and snowdrifts, so that later after a while I understand that I did the wrong thing. Maybe the Lord gives such bumps so that later a person rushes to the Lord, brings repentance and corrects his life? The Church accepts such repentance, and in life everything can be. But what is it like for parents? After all, they are so sick of the soul for the children.

One family has 9 children, and they are all different, although the family is one, one was laid, one outlook on life, one goal. If you are a Christian, you give birth to children for the Kingdom of Heaven and you need to bring to eternal life the children whom God gave you for the duration of this life. And parents are, of course, responsible for them. And when you advise something, and it is not perceived, pain appears. So a mother's prayer is born through suffering. It is impossible without suffering, without sorrow.

If we talk about today's youth, then I saw different things: the youth of our parish, their children, their friends. At school age they were friends together, went to church, prayed, walked together - they lived the same life. When the school was over, everyone scattered in all directions, and there were already some new meetings, friends. They hear different opinions and accept them out of weakness of spirit. This is where the path is chosen: the one that you lived before or the one with which you have now encountered. You are weak, you want something easier, and it seems like new friends don't do anything so bad, so you follow them. So you leave your path gradually - the enemy is cunning, imperceptibly pushes you from the path. It seems like it's okay - you can allow a lot, while others do it too. So by this gradualness, many departed from the Church, from the faith, then they were completely lost.

Daughters - future mothers

Leaven and foundation for life is given only in the family, and this is the most important thing for a person. Therefore, the way of life of the family is very important, how parents live with each other. The child repeats his parents, their words and expressions - absorbs everything into himself. When he grows up, friends for him also have an important role. This is where the struggle between matter and spirit begins. And God grant wisdom, patience and love!

There used to be a tradition of family home building. The boys were given to study, so that he could do a lot with his hands, so that his hands became golden, and what he did not touch, it went well in his hands - he could do any work. In such work, spirit, strength, and confidence are strengthened. When a person works with his hands, he gains patience. And patience is simply necessary in human life. Thanks to this, he will be able to take someone under his wing. They always tried to teach girls how to run a household so that she could do a lot with her hands - to sew, embroider, cook food, and wash. Now we have come to the conclusion that our traditions of house-building have been completely destroyed.

How did mom teach her daughter? From how many years should a daughter take care of herself, her thoughts, desires? After all, mother always sees her daughter, the talents that God gave her, which need to be developed and directed. So that the daughter over this and tried more, so that later she could give to people, to God. After all, each person has many talents, and we do not even know that we have them. If a person lives a good life, then the Lord reveals all talents in a person, throughout his life, even if he has no education. So mom goes to talk with her daughter, they open up to each other. Also with sons. It is desirable that dad talk with sons, but mom also plays a very important role.

That's how it is with the girls. I have always tried to make them think that they are future mothers. For the first time, I felt real help from my eldest daughter at the age of 10. From the age of 10, I began to tell her that she was a future mother and mistress, and had to learn a lot to do. I always lived at home with the children, so I always knew what they were talking about, I always heard how they communicate with each other. A simple situation - Lizochka or Natasha, who were still little, were sitting on the sofa, I went into the room, and they had some kind of position: whether their dress was lifted up, or they were sitting on their legs. I always paid attention to this, said: well, sit down decently, you are a girl, straighten your dress, remember that the Lord is always in front of you, He is always looking at you. This is all very important.

Of course, they always help with everything in the kitchen, they participate. Since our children were born, the elders were responsible for the younger in everything. I taught them how to feed and swaddle, how to look after the baby and how to put him to bed, and explained why the baby was crying. I've always cooked them.

She herself always prayed that the Lord would give them a good husband, a Christian, so that everything would be good with them. I always asked the Lord, the Mother of God, the Saints, whom you know, whom you trust, who are after your heart.

For example, Lyubochka. When I asked her what she was asking for, when she came to the relics, when she prayed in front of the icons. She answered - asks the Lord to send her a good husband, and this is already 13 years old. It was a simple child's prayer. They saw our relationship with dad when he was still alive. Lyubochka is now only 17 years old, and the Lord has already sent her a very kind and very deeply religious person, a future priest, we have known him for more than 10 years.

One must surrender oneself to the will of God

It seems to me that you cannot make a goal out of finding your soul mate. But one must surrender oneself to the Will of God. Yet it is from the Lord, we all create not from ourselves.

It is very important here, when a girl wants to get married, so that the girl first of all prays herself. If the parents are good, they also pray, give notes, and take on the feat. I saw many parents who begged for their husbands for their daughters, refused some pleasures until the moment when the daughter found a husband. And the Lord always sent.

I knew one girl who every year on January 1, at a time when everyone is walking after New Year's Eve, and she went to the Komsomolskaya station at half past five in the morning. And from there - to Sergiev Posad to the Monk Sergius. And there she prayed to him that he would send her a good husband, faithful to God. So she drove for six years. She behaved very quietly and modestly, just prayed. And the Lord sent her a very good man, and I know that soon everything will be fine.

There are many Saints. And what is our Saint Nicholas for? He is also an Organizer, He is such a Quick Helper.

I heard a lot about the guys from the Seminary. They have to marry once. And nowadays it is very difficult to choose. There are cases when at first everything is good, meets, loves, goes to church, good, there are no minuses. They get married, and she says that she has done her job, prayed and stops working spiritually. Anything happens in life. Or after marriage, they say that if they knew what awaited, they would never marry priests. After all, being a mother is a lot of work. And not everyone can work. Hence, a person of weak faith. You think, where did your love go? Many questions arise. Have you thought about the future of this person, because he cannot marry a second time. A lot of problems then appear. Therefore, it happens that the guys during all 5 years, while studying, go to the Mother of God to bow: “Mother of God, send me a good mother in my life.” So she entrusts herself to Her, what She sends them. Many people do that. Some are praying to the Mother of God, some to Saint Nicholas. So every day: "Send me a good one, send me a good one." For such humility it is given. Every time you drip, you drip, and someday the bucket will overflow.

If, of course, you demand from the Lord - give it to me now - then, of course, you will not get it. And if with humility ... watch with what feeling you stand before the Lord ... after all, He looks at your heart, what is in your heart, in your soul? Do you demand your whim? Or maybe you're not ready at the moment? Or maybe you have poor health, and you cannot bear a strong child, maybe you still need to live alone for a year so that the Lord, thanks to the Communion, invisible to us, will correct everything inside. The Lord cares about each of us, wants good for everyone.

In addition, there should be no overestimated expectations from the future chosen one. If you invent everything for yourself, then it will be very difficult to find such a person. And you pray to the Lord, surrender yourself to Him, may He give you the person you need. When you met a person, you have to show his parents, confessor, or maybe they will feel something amiss. You also need a blessing to receive them. Maybe the parents will understand that he looks at life in a completely different way, but you have not seen it yet. You need to tell your daughter carefully. Take your time. Wait, calmly, take a walk, don't promise anything, look how he is. Could he be your patron, the father of your children? Maybe he just wants to have some fun, without getting married, without signing. There are a lot of things here. Here both soul and heart should prompt - if you pray sincerely.

Although I did not have an inner realization that Fedyusha was my man, when I met him, I was still quite a child, I knew little about life. I finished 10 classes in a deaf village. Somehow I got into their kitchen ... by God's providence, of course. I work there, wash the dishes, and suddenly such a young man saw me. Fyodor always told everyone, if asked, that he believed in love at first sight, because that was how he fell in love with me.

So you need to rely on the Will of God. You need to ask the Lord, not demand, but ask, because you believe in the Lord, trust Him.

Bug girls

Right now, some girls, young people, are so rushed to make a career for themselves that they forget about the most important thing. We will not touch the boys, because they have to get a profession and support a family, while girls have a different purpose. It turns out that she herself does not put herself into the hands of God, but believes that she must first unlearn, and only then think about marriage. It takes 5 years, and with graduate school and all 7. You are already 25-27, you already want to get married, but difficulties are already coming. Time passes, everyone travels abroad, learns languages, and I’ll also do my second education. At that time, young people surround you, pay attention to you, and you pay attention to them. It means that you are losing your purity of soul anyway.

Here is how one girl - she is now dating a boy, and is not going to marry him. And why does it meet then? She replies that she needs to find out what the guys are, what their views are, what are the pros and cons. Can a Christian woman think like that? Of course not. Each person has pros and cons. Only love can help overcome them! And by the grace of God, you will never see the minuses in this person! Elder Paisius said that this is how the Lord determines that one is hot himself, and the wife is meek, quiet, humble. After all, it is God's gift to have such a wife, then they get along with each other. She resigns herself, she sees such qualities of him that she does not have. She approves that he is what he is and bears his weakness on herself. She will save herself, and this is how he is saved. He is surprised at her meekness, he loves her for it, is ready to lay down his life for her. Or, for example, the wife is obstinate, then the husband must be humble in order to remember that he still loves her, no matter what she is. There is pride in her, but there is also something else, she is the mother of his children. With her, he is before God, which means he deserves such a wife. This means that in his youth he behaved, perhaps, wrongly with his mother. Such a wife was given to him by God for salvation. And children, seeing the harmonious relations of their parents, are surprised at them, they come out very good.

This is the mistake of girls who strive to get an education, during this time they walk with the guys, they lose and scatter what God has given them, and then remain at a broken trough.

Some girls, young people, are trying to build a career. I even know a girl who says that she cannot afford marriage now because she is building a career. At the same time, she walks with the guys. I warn her that it will not lead to anything good. If she really wants to get married, then she must seriously look at the guys. If a Christian, then try to find a person with whom she would have one goal in life. If the spirit is different, then in family life there are always very great difficulties. And not everyone can bear such a cross.

There is one spirit in the family

Spirit is what a person strives for in life, what is his goal and his life itself. And if we are talking about Christians, then the goal of our life is to achieve the Kingdom of Heaven, to try in our life to bring good to the people around us, to be merciful with them, to try to help them. Therefore, the husband must be of one spirit with you, so that his goal is the same. After all, you need to educate your children in faith, in love for God and for people, but not for this life. Many parents tell their children to enjoy and live this life, because we live once.

And what is the purpose of the chosen one? And he may want something completely different. He may want to acquire something, want to go somewhere, dress in a completely different way. After all, if you live for this world now, it means that you cannot be modest as you are now, which means that you need to behave in a completely different way. Nowadays, a person is often accepted in society by the kind of company that a person has on his clothes. But the most important thing is what kind of soul, what kind of heart a person has. So think about what kind of husband you want to choose for yourself.

If you choose a husband of other values, you will live for a year and see that he is not happy with you, because of that you cannot go to a bar and lead an easier life. Then he will go to the left, to another woman, and you have a child, and you get unhappy children and wives. It happens, but rarely, that through some kind of trial a husband comes to faith through a believing wife. After all, the Apostle Paul says that the unbeliever is illuminated by a believing wife. It is necessary to be 100% sure that your chosen one is a moral person. The law of God is based on morality, isn't it? It is necessary that he be kind, that his heart be kind, that he be merciful. Then we can already say that he is of Christ. Then you are a wife, a Christian, and he still has no faith in Christ, but he sees your life. And he will be able to follow you, and will be sanctified by you. And if this person is already of a different internal content, then there will be great difficulties.

What is family?! It would seem that the answer is obvious. A family is 2 people who love each other and are bound by the knot. But very often, in order to keep a family strong and friendly, love alone is not enough.

In family relationships, it is very important to be able to “work in a team”. To be support and support for your spouse in everything, sometimes even stepping over yourself and your interests. It is also very important to be able to talk with your partner. Willingness to solve problems and make compromises. But don't forget about the intimate aspect of marriage. After all, touching a loved one and having good sex with him, at times, can solve even the most serious problems.

All married couples face difficulties in family life, and, unfortunately, most give up already at the first troubles of life. But those who take the trouble to put in some effort will be rewarded with true harmony in family life.

The first difficulties lie in wait for the family at the very beginning of marriage - the so-called crisis of 3 years of marriage. It is associated with the appearance of the first child in the family. A young mother begins to devote all her attention to a new family member, and dad begins to think that his beloved has lost all interest in him.

More and more often, the news of the birth of a child becomes a surprise for future parents. And keeping a family in such a situation can be quite difficult. As a rule, in such a situation, dad continues to lead his usual way of life, and all the responsibility falls on mom's fragile shoulders. Postpartum depression is often added to this. In such a difficult situation, a young mother can only patiently and calmly explain to her husband how important her husband's help and support are for her.

Try to gently and unobtrusively create the environment so that the baby and dad can spend more time together. This will help to "turn on" the father's instinct in the father and establish communication with the child. Then the relationship between the spouses will gradually improve, and the question of preserving the marriage will not be so acute.

If the pregnancy was planned by the couple in advance, and the child was born desired, then keeping the family after the birth of the child is quite simple. Young parents just need to reasonably approach the distribution of responsibilities for caring for a small person.

By caring for a baby together, a husband and wife will spend more time with each other than if they are alone. Consulting and making decisions together, you will learn to understand each other better and develop common approaches and views on raising your child.

There are several other huge benefits to rationalizing responsibilities.

  1. At first, a busy little dad will no longer feel abandoned and useless, and the baby's love will to some extent compensate for the lack of attention from his wife.
  2. Secondly when mom frees herself from some of the trouble, she will become less tired, which means that her mood will improve, her strength and desire to pay attention to her husband will increase.

But sometimes all the tricks are in vain, and the husband "goes to the left." Then every loving woman faces a logical question: how to keep the family together if the husband has changed?

To save your marriage after your spouse's infidelity, you first have to decide: can you forgive the betrayal? If the answer is no, then you should just leave. No matter how painful and hard it may be for you. It is impossible to live with a person if from day to day a feeling of resentment gnaws at, and each time you mentally imagine your husband in the arms of another.

If you forgive adultery and never return to this page of your life, you are still ready, then you should first understand why this happened. Try yourself to analyze your communication and relationships in recent years. Think about how you could offend your loved one? What benefits did he find in having sex on the side?

Abstract yourself from the thought that you cheated with someone. Focus on the fact that cheating is overflowing resentment and dissatisfaction with family relationships. If you yourself have not been able to find the reason, then talk to your husband. But you should seriously prepare for this kind of conversation: set yourself up for the fact that all emotions should be left aside. The calmer your conversation goes, the more constructive it will turn out. Speak to your ears, do not interrupt the man, and then he will tell you everything himself.

When all the dots over the i have been placed, still do not rush to include emotions. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, but feelings are not always a good advisor in love affairs, and even more so in family matters. Try to develop a businesslike approach to the current situation.

Make a detailed plan of action on a piece of paper. Your husband voiced your fullness ?! So, point # 1 is to sign up for fitness or a gym. No money?! Well, he found money for his mistress, and you will certainly find it for yourself! At the very least, jogging in the park and the sports campus at the school stadium has not been canceled. And so go through all the points voiced by your spouse.

No one will argue that the institution of marriage is now going through a serious crisis. Many couples, having lived together for several years, understand that the marriage was a mistake, and in fact there was no love.

Some families break up due to numerous problems that gradually kill the love of one of the spouses.

First, try to find out if this is really so or if you are just screwing yourself up. Women, for the most part, tend to dramatize and look for a problem where there is none. Perhaps your spouse is not doing well right now or fatigue has accumulated. Then just stay with him, make it clear - no matter what, you are his support and support.

If you are 100% sure that the past feelings no longer exist, you should seriously think about whether you love him, or whether it was, albeit a serious, but still a temporary hobby. In this case, there may be no point in keeping the family together. By wasting time trying to preserve what isn't there, you may be missing out on your real person.

If, after all, this is love, and it was mutual, but for some reason your spouse cooled off, and you are sure of the desire to save your family, then start comparing.

Compare the woman your husband loved so dearly at the beginning of your relationship with your real self. Is the difference significant? Do you beat that woman in everything? Just try to be as honest with yourself as possible.

The current situation will not improve from your guile. During the comparison, do not stoop to the comparison “and I to him - and he to me”. This is counterproductive! After all, it is you who want your husband to love you again, so all initiative should come exclusively from you, and all responsibility for this is also on you.

The easiest way is not to restore cooled feelings, but to fall in love with your husband again. Moreover, once you have already succeeded. This means that the second time will be much easier.

It is not worth reminding that men love with their eyes. Therefore, first of all, change your appearance. Just don't overdo it. You should be pleasing to the eye, not shocking.

Almost all men love sex. And your task is to return this sex into your life. If there is one, then you need to make it interesting and varied. Even if you have been together for many years, then in the intimate sphere you will still have to try new things. Perhaps your spouse has a long-standing erotic fantasy. It's time to implement it. The more touch, including intimate touch, in your family life, the faster you will get closer again.

Men don't grow up. And you, like no one else, know the preferences of your big child. Spoil him! Give what he dreamed of for so long, but until now it remained unattainable for him.

If you have been together for many years and in the heat of everyday troubles have become very distant from each other, then try to bring common interests back into your life. Ask how your day went. Perhaps your spouse has new hobbies - take an active part in them. Try to spend more time together. You can just walk or do some common business.

But don't force your loved one to spend time with you or do things that they don't like. Love cannot be imposed! But a wise woman will always find a way to disguise her desires and push a man in the right direction.

Try to bring romance back to your relationship. Your main task is to paint the gray days. Bring back interest in you as a woman.

In order to return his love, you need to prove to your husband again that you really need him and is very important to you. That you still love him very much. And only you know how to do this best of all, because no one knows your husband better than you.

How to make up with a boyfriend after a fight or breakup

Unrequited love what to do? - a classic case of unrequited love

The "fool" complex: how to deal with it?

A letter to your beloved boyfriend about love. What to write?

Which girl is considered ideal?

Why do men have mistresses?

How to start a family

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How to create a strong family? Tips for women

O strong family all girls dream. If you want to get married, then for life. However, the statistics of divorces in our country says that far away everyone can create a strong family. Let's talk about what is needed in order for your family relationship to become, if not ideal, but strong and durable.

In order for a family to become strong, it is necessary to learn how to solve all issues and problems together, to get out of family quarrels even stronger, to learn to put the interests of the family at the forefront. All of the above is very difficult to do. To do this, you need to have a very strong character, be smart, judicious and know that you can destroy any union in a few minutes, but create a new one ... you may need your whole life for this. Therefore, let's learn to be wiser.

1. The main rule of any strong family- this is maintain love and respect under all circumstances... Therefore, do not allow yourself to break this rule. Remember, if you chose a person and married him, then you should treat him with reverent respect and love. If you allow yourself to humiliate your husband, then at the same time you will humiliate your relationship and yourself. After all, it was you who chose him as your spouse. Believe me, you can forgive a lot, even humiliation, but the relationship after that changes a lot.

2. The next rule of a strong family is be able to quarrel... Do not think that you will be able to avoid conflicts with your spouse, no family can do without quarrels and showdowns. The main thing is after that to put up correctly and be able to draw conclusions. In any conflict, two people are to blame. Therefore, not only do you have to understand the reason why your family quarrel turned out, you still have to resolve it and draw conclusions for the future. All you need for this is a sober view of things and a calm conversation with your half. So that your gaze is really sober, so that it is not obscured by your resentment, before putting up, give yourself and your spouse time to cool down. Your emotions should subside. Because in a fit of anger, you can say too much to each other, and then it will be hard to forget many of the words spoken.

3. Another rule of a strong family is ability to forgive... Believe me, there are no perfect men, just like women. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives. Therefore, if you want to be a wise woman, preserve your family, make it stronger, then learn to forgive. Your spouse can offend you, forget about your holiday, say a rude phrase. Think about what prompted him to do this, what is the reason for this behavior. Try to understand and forgive him.

4. An important rule of a strong family - be able to turn a blind eye to flaws... Are you tired of your spouse throwing socks around the apartment? Or tired of not removing the dishes from the table after eating? Are you fighting with him? Did you set your teeth on edge by proving to him where to put his things? Think about what is more expensive for you - yelling at him, sorting out the relationship, or quickly putting the dishes in the sink, throwing socks in the basket, putting things in place? Perhaps you are better off learning to ignore some of the shortcomings. Believe me, men also turn a blind eye to many things. Remember at least about your cosmetics, which are placed throughout the apartment. Therefore, be more lenient.

5. The fifth and final rule on our list is respect for the family of your chosen one... Whatever your relationship with your father-in-law, always remember that it was they who raised and raised your husband, they gave him a lot. The main advantage of many women is the ability to endure. Therefore, be strong, never allow yourself to speak badly about your husband's parents.

If you want your family to be strong, so that they are not afraid of any trials, then you need to work on yourself, on your relationships, learn to love, respect, understand, and forgive your spouse. After all, the strength of your relationship depends only on you.

Delicate sphere - matters of the heart and family. The authors of such questions do not always identify themselves, but the topic worries many. We asked Archpriest Dimitri Smirnov, chairman of the Patriarchal Commission on Family Issues, Protection of Motherhood and Childhood, to answer.

About cohabitation and wedding

- Father Dimitri, a frequent question: why is registration in a registry office obligatory for a wedding?

- Because the registry office issues a certificate that you are husband and wife. Earlier, when the Church was state, the priest himself registered the marriage. And today the functions are divided: the state puts a stamp in the passport, and the church is crowned.

- Is it a sin to live without registration? Even in love and harmony?

- Why not go to the registry office then? Usually there is only one reason: to make it easier in case of something to leave. Marriage means joint ownership, common property rights. This is a responsibility. If people avoid it, then this is not a family, but a temporary cohabitation. "Today it is convenient for me - I live with you, and tomorrow it will be seen."

- Do you refuse the sacrament to those who live in such a union?

- Strictly speaking, such a person should leave the church when he exclaims “Doors, doors!”. According to the canons, he has no right to be present at the most important part of the liturgy. Because he commits the prodigal sin and thereby places himself outside the Church. But now they do not take them out of the church, let it stand. But he cannot be allowed to confess, to receive unction. If you want to become a member of the Church, follow the rules. And being a fornicator and a Christian at the same time will not work.

- And if a person hides that he is cohabitating with someone?

“It’s absolutely pointless. You do not come to church by order, but for the sake of your soul, to God, and not to a priest. God cannot be fooled. If your union is strong, get married and get married. If not, stop fornicating. And then the way to the Church is open for you.

What you can and cannot do before the wedding

- The girl asks: what can be allowed to the groom before marriage?

- A lot: to have sincere conversations, write poetry, give flowers, compose songs, stand under the window, take care, love.

- And kissing?

- Better not. Let him be patient a little.

- And if he asks, pulls to the sofa, takes offense and threatens to leave?

- We need to explain to him: “Honey, I'm from a different system. If you love me and make me an offer, I consider it. And if I agree, we will set a wedding day. But I’m not sure if I’ll say yes, because since you start on the couch, you’ll hardly fit me. ”

- And he says: he is not ready for the wedding yet, but he is crazy about you ...

- Then goodbye. And if he leaves - thank God.

“But the girl loves him. And he gives in, hoping to formalize the relationship later.

- Hope in vain. What fool would marry someone who already belongs to him? He will fool her for years. He will say that he needs to save up for a gorgeous wedding, get rich, buy a house ... Because why does he need problems? Nearby is young, beautiful, I love her, she is me, we live together. Everything is fine! And so it will be until I meet another on the subway, which I love even more ...

About intimate

- Can Christian spouses use contraception?

- According to church rules, contraception is attempted murder. And if it worked effectively, then this is perfect murder. Exactly.

- But there are situations when people are not able to raise many children - neither strength, nor means ...

- If Orthodox spouses categorically do not want to have more children, they have one reliable and non-sin-related way - abstinence.

Do I need to prepare for family life

- How not to make mistakes when choosing a mate?

- It takes a long time, at least a year, to get to know the person with whom you are going to live. Ask him questions. For example: "Will we have icons at home?", "Will we bring up children in the Orthodox faith?" Or: "What temple do you go to?" And if the answer is "None" - there is reason to think about whether it is worth developing an acquaintance.

- It happens that the husband earns decent money and wants to see the housewife, the mother at home, and the woman herself seeks to make a career ...

- It is necessary to take a closer look at the parents of your bride: what kind of relationship they have, what kind of way. People often reproduce parental behavior. If a young man has one project in his head, and a girl has another, then there will be problems with family construction. But the main thing is that they must have a common goal.

- Which? Everyone wants happiness ...

- Happiness is a state that arises in a good family. And the goal of an Orthodox family is to build a home church, where the husband is the priest, the wife is the deacon, that is, his assistant, and the children are the people of God, they must be brought to Christ.

- Newlyweds usually think about something else.

- Therefore, there are two divorces for three marriages in Russia. The common goal disappeared, and individual desires remained. Sometimes they are quite simple: an attraction has arisen - they get married, they become cold - a divorce. They get married so that there is “someone to do the laundry”. Or they get married so that the house smells like a man. And then they suffer.

- Should family life be preceded by some kind of preparation?

Starting a family is a difficult and long process that does not always end with success. In most cases, it turns out to be a great and comfortable social unit, and in some cases pain and frustration remain. How to avoid this and form a full-fledged family? This question is asked by many young girls and guys, which is why it is worth starting to solve it!

What prevents you from starting a family?

It is also necessary to deal with the problem that prevents you from creating a happy family. This could be several factors:

  • Constant employment. You are either very passionate about something, or always at work, or your life consists of a family, children. In this case, you just need to unwind, take a walk, do something interesting.
  • Parents. If your mother is against a relationship with a certain person, then involuntarily the question arises in my head: "Is it worth starting them?" In any case, you are already an adult, so try to make the decision yourself!

Serious dating for starting a family

You are not yet a married couple and you do not have an applicant to become one. Then you need to find a person who could make your family leisure happy, make life bright and fun! It is worth taking a closer look: perhaps this person is next to you. Start by looking for a caring boyfriend or girlfriend around you.

If no one gives you compliments, does not give you gifts and other pleasant events, then it is time to throw people away from your environment. Now do the following:

  • Go outside. Take a walk, spend more time outdoors. There is a possibility that your person is close. So go for a walk!
  • Dating websites. Visit various dating sites, attractive men's social media pages. Don't be too intrusive, but you can write first!

In order to start a relationship, you need to work long and hard, and not just sit in one place. Be sure to try, because every attempt brings you closer to success!

What should you do first? First Steps to Shared Happiness

To begin with, while you are still an ordinary couple, you need to not only create a trusting atmosphere, but also do the following list of actions:

  • Avoid quarrels and conflicts. To create a happy family, you need to try to avoid major quarrels, terrible conflicts. Try to either translate them into a joke, or find a solution to the problem together. Listen to the comments of the other half, express your opinion, but not too strongly. Work on yourself and first of all pay attention to yourself.

  • Don't let other people interfere with your privacy. You shouldn't tell everyone what problems you have, especially in your family. Try to figure it out on your own, with a guy. If there are any concerns, then do not hesitate - discuss them with your significant other. Your future home is your cozy territory, in which understanding and trust must immediately be laid.

All this is worth considering while you are a regular couple. Do not create any special conflicts and try not to divulge all the secrets of your personal life. You can ask for advice from parents, girlfriend, but do it within reason.

How is a family formed? Or what is life built from?

Now you are more than a couple if you started to trust each other and stopped doing all the fights as something important and focusing too much on them. It's time to create a social unit, and in the second step, do this:

  • One of the conditions for starting a family is While you are still a couple, this may not be so important, but when you start a life together, then all the changes will be evident. That is why plan all your actions in advance, try to distribute responsibilities. The creation of an Orthodox family is also based on this.
  • One of the important conditions for creating a prosperous family is a common child. Therefore, if you want to have a baby, then be sure to think about this important life step, calculate the approximate costs. The sooner you have a baby, the sooner you can have a good family. It is not worth delaying, but the birth should also be in appropriate conditions.

When you consider these 2 points, it will become much easier to have a kind and loving family.

How to create a friendly family? Basic rules in a family with a child

In the modern world of the development of computer technology, new areas in the information structure, each person becomes more or less dependent on gadgets. That is why the usual friendly communication fades into the background. In order to return it, you must:

  • One of the most important aspects of starting a family is understanding your child's little joys. Try to remember when the baby was most happy and repeat this moment! Find enough time for your child. It is during the time that you spend with your child that you can learn about his desires and experiences.
  • New acquaintances. To create a family, you must immediately accustom your children to the daily routine. Show your toddler a child his age making the bed, doing homework. It can be used as an example, but do not overdo it. Otherwise, the children may think that you do not love them and become very upset.
  • If you have a free minute, then talk to your baby. During a walk, breakfast, or any other free moment, ask how he is doing, what you did at or at school. Maintain dialogue if needed.

The most important thing is to talk to people, and your child is no exception, rather, on the contrary, a shining example.

Why are relationships fading away? Warm feelings in the family

Sooner or later, you begin to realize that there is a crisis in your feelings. The former passion has already passed, all days are becoming ordinary and nondescript. What to do? Look for the answer:

  • Family creation. Men in some married couples very often forget that time flies very quickly and it is time to start building a family. That is why, if you are still a loving couple, but the relationship is beginning to fade, then think about building a family hearth.
  • Humble yourself. If you're already a family, just accept the thought that relationships won't always be great. Remember why you fell in love with your husband or wife? Scroll warm and pleasant moments in your head, it will become easier.

  • Compliments. Do you think your man has stopped complimenting you? Then present him with flattering words! Remind you how smart, strong and good your boyfriend is! Compliment first to get it back!
  • Solve all problems calmly. Any other unpleasant situation that caused you and your wife to have a violent fight? Try to resolve the conflict in a different way next time, using tenderness and understanding! After all, understanding is the basis of future family victories and one of the most important aspects of starting a family!
  • Don't be a selfish person. Do not think only about yourself, anticipate situations in advance and take care of your wife and children. In ideal married couples, spouses are dependent on each other, but equally.

Another aspect worth highlighting as a separate point is Everyone makes mistakes. After all, if you do something for the first time, then shortcomings are possible.

If a person made a mistake and sincerely regrets it, then forget and forgive. No one is immune from unpleasant incidents. Also, do not remind your partner of the problem and make it a "lesson of a lifetime." Family happiness consists of care and warmth. You build it yourself, invest tenderness. The creation of a family by a woman is the most important thing in her life.

Conclusion

In order to create a good and friendly family, you need to work hard on your happiness!

First of all, starting a family is a difficult process, which includes: understanding each other, the ability to forgive and negotiate, distribute responsibilities, etc. But everything is in your hands, that's why take the moment! You are still a regular couple, but soon you will be a family! Learn to plan and anticipate situations!