Aggression is most often part of the normal growth and development of normal children and is often seen in young children and preschoolers. Babies do not yet know how to speak and express their dissatisfaction or their desires, so aggression is the only way to express them.

If the child's aggressive actions are "normal" to a certain extent, it is still necessary to react to attacks of aggression and try to stop them. Aggressive act in children 18 months old will not have the same meaning as in children 4 years old. Measures to prevent aggression will also differ, but they are necessary to demonstrate to the child that their actions are unacceptable and that there are other ways to express their emotions, as well as to prevent recurrence of these bouts of aggression.

To control their aggression, children need the active support of their parents. Effective measures taken in connection with aggressive behavior in young children have a positive impact on their subsequent social development and adaptation.

Zemtsova E. A. ,
Senior Lecturer at the Department of Private Methods
IPK and PC BSPU named after Maxim Tank

Aggression(in the most general definition) is damaging behavior... Aggression is subdivided into physical(beating, wounding) and verbal(verbal: insult, slander, refusal to communicate). Aggression is always accompanied by negative emotions and an intention to do harm. According to some theories, aggression is an integral part of human nature.

Psychologist K. Lorenz believed that aggression originates from the innate instinct of the struggle for survival, which is present in all people, as well as in animals. Aggressive energy builds up over time. And the more it is in the body, the less significant a push is needed so that it splashes out. Lorenz believed that if a person engages in activities other than causing harm, it weakens aggression or prevents the accumulation of aggressive energy to dangerous levels.

Aggressive behavior in childhood- a fairly common occurrence. The child's aggression can be directed to:

on the people around them outside the family (on the teacher, classmates);
on loved ones;
on animals;
on yourself (pulling out hair, biting nails, refusing to eat);
to external objects (destruction of objects, damage to property);

on symbolic and fantasy objects (drawings, picking up weapons, computer games of aggressive content).

Motives for aggressive behavior in children

Aggressive behavior most often unconsciously. The child may not be aware of his motives. Aggression is caused by words and actions (insult, provocation, accusation, mockery, ridicule) that humiliate human dignity. In such cases, aggressive behavior acts as a manifestation of the child psychological protection.

"Psychological protection" is a special personality stabilization system aimed at eliminating or minimizing the feeling of anxiety associated with the awareness of the conflict. The main task of psychological protection is elimination of psychological discomfort, and not a real resolution of the conflict situation. Therefore, some psychologists believe that psychological defense is not a normal, but an unusual way of resolving a situation that is not pleasant to a person. One can speak about the action of psychological defense when a person, instead of identifying the causes of a problem situation, begins to look for a "guilty" and thinks over ways of revenge (becomes aggressive).

The nature of aggressive behavior is largely determined by age characteristics. The transition from age to age is accompanied by natural peaks of aggressiveness (age crises). Age crises associated with the emergence of new needs that are not met for various reasons. If adults experience age-related crises every 7-10 years, then a child experiences this much more often.
Forms of manifestation of aggression in children of different ages

Research shows that babies often show anger if their needs are not adequately met. Young children tend to be cruel to newborn siblings in order to preserve their mother's love.

Mode adaptation in kindergarten accompanied by fights, scratching, spitting - that is an open display of aggression. But it also happens passive manifestation of aggression by a child- stubbornness, refusal to eat and play, nail biting.

The level of aggressiveness of children decreases in preschool age. The peak of their intransigence falls on 2 years, and aggressiveness - on 3 years. If the child has established aggressive habits, then after 13 years it is very difficult to correct them.
Child behavior is highly dependent from the emotional climate in the family and above all on how his relationship with his mother develops. 68% of one-year-old children who are attached to their mother show more friendliness later, they study better, they conflict with adults less, and they are more self-confident. If the mother is negligent in raising the child, then the children suffer, they show frequent outbursts of anger, and subsequently persistent aggressive behavior forms (many criminals were not attached to the mother at an early age).

Aggressive children usually grow up in families where there is little interest in them, preferring physical punishment to patient explanation. But punishment is effective only when it is adequate to the act, consistently and accompanied by a benevolent, patient explanation of the rules of behavior. V as punishment can be used divestment, temporary isolation from peers rather than physical punishment and display of hostility.

Generally, child aggression is the flip side of defenselessness... Insecurity breeds fear. Trying to cope with their fears, the child resorts to defensive-aggressive behavior.
Have preschool children aggression usually manifests itself in the form of damage to toys, throwing objects, rough treatment of animals, crying, screaming, obstinacy and stubbornness.

Have junior schoolchildren most often, aggression is manifested in verbal form (ridicule, swearing) in relation to weaker ones, for example, to classmates. Fights are not rare either. The negative reaction of the teacher can only reinforce this behavior, but still his authority prompts the child to restrain himself.

Aggressive behavior adolescents often means "to be mature and strong". The dependence of adolescents on the opinions of their peers is their feature. This is the age at which the largest percentage of children with behavioral problems is observed. Most high level of aggressiveness in adolescents who are in the class leaders or outcasts... Adolescence is an acute crisis of growing up. This crisis will pass faster and easier if adults are ready to form equal partnerships with adolescents and show a willingness to cooperate.

Thus, the age-related dynamics of aggression corresponds to age-related crises in 3-4 years, 6-7 years old and 14-15 years old.

In the process of socialization of a teenager, aggressive behavior performs a number of important functions: it frees you from fear, helps to defend your interests, protects from external threats, promotes adaptation in the adult world.

How to deal with an aggressive child

To prevent aggressive behavior children there is a wide range of possibilities. Specialists (psychologists, teachers) have developed special recommendations for adults to work on aggressive behavior in children. These regulations allow in a conflict situation with children and adolescents to ensure its positive resolution of the conflict and establish partnerships.

Rule 1. Ignore minor aggression.

When the aggression of children is not dangerous and understandable, it is advisable for an adult to react to the child's behavior as follows:

Just "don't notice" the reaction of the child (teenager);

Express understanding of the child's feelings: "I understand that you are offended";
switch the child's attention to something, for example, offer to complete a task (play);
positively label his behavior: "You are angry because you are tired."

COMMENTS. Since it has been established that aggression accumulates in all people, an adult, seeing and understanding the situation, can simply listen carefully to the child (adolescent) and try to switch him to something else. Adult attention is a must for children and teenagers... Often it is the lack of such attention that leads to aggressive behavior. Remember that ignoring aggression is a powerful way to change unwanted behavior.

Rule 2. Focus on the actions (behavior), not the personality of the child.

At the moment of aggression, describe the child's behavior using the following verbal variations:

"You are behaving aggressively" (statement of fact);
"You're angry?" (stating question);
"Do you want to offend me?", "Are you showing me strength?" (disclosure of the aggressor's motives);

“I don't like being spoken to in this tone”, “I get tense when someone shouts loudly” (revealing my own feelings in relation to unwanted behavior);

"You are breaking the rules of conduct" (appeal to the rules). COMMENTS. When pronouncing one of the statements, an adult needs to show calmness, benevolence and firmness... Focus only on the action so that the child (teenager) does not hear in the tone of voice that you are against him. Do not, under any circumstances, recall similar behavior in the past. After the child calms down, you need to discuss with him his behavior in detail and explain why his act is unacceptable. Emphasize that aggression harms him more than others. Think together (without witnesses) what behavior would be more acceptable in this case.

Rule 3. Control your own negative emotions.
Demonstrating his aggression, the child shows negative emotions: irritation, anger, indignation, fear, helplessness. When communicating with an aggressively-minded child, similar emotions can arise in an adult. But an adult must be able to restrain himself. Control yourself by demonstrating a positive example in dealing with counter-aggression, and maintain the partnerships necessary for future collaboration.

Try to:

do not raise your voice, do not shout, do not intimidate;
not to demonstrate their power: "It will be as I say";
do not take aggressive postures and gestures (clenched jaws, fingers in fists);
do not laugh at the child, do not imitate him;
not evaluate the personality of the child or his friends;
do not use physical force, do not threaten;
do not read lectures, sermons;
do not make excuses, do not try to defend yourself or bribe the child.

COMMENTS. Often, aggressive behavior in children is associated with wanting to provoke an adult's anger thus showing his weakness. If adults fall for this "bait" - they lose their authority in the eyes of children and the ability to establish partnerships. The adult should make an effort to reduce tension and aggression.

Rule 4. Maintain a positive child's reputation.
A child, like some adults, is very it's hard to admit you're wrong. Public discussion can hurt him painfully and, as a rule, will only lead to an increase in aggressive behavior in the future. To maintain your child's positive reputation, use the following behaviors with him:

"You may not feel well", "You didn't mean to offend him" (publicly minimize the child's guilt);
let me fulfill your demand in part, in my own way;
Offer your child a mutual compromise agreement.

COMMENTS. Insisting on complete submission can provoke a new outburst of aggression. If you allow obey" in my own way" , the incident will be settled sooner.

Rule 5. Demonstrate non-aggressive behavior.
As a result of the conflict, both sides lose control. You must remember that the younger the child is, the more friendly your behavior should be in response to aggression. Adult behavior should be the opposite bad behavior of a child (teenager). Therefore, it is possible to use the following techniques:

Pause (listen silently);
time out (give the child the opportunity to calm down alone);
instill calmness with gestures, facial expressions;
joking ("You look cooler than Schwarzenegger now").

COMMENTS. Kids pretty fast adopt non-aggressive behaviors... But the main condition is the sincerity of an adult and the conformity of the tone of his voice, gestures, facial expressions, pantomimics of the thought expressed by him.
So, at the initial stage of aggressive behavior (at the first insignificant signs), it is best to use the following methods of dealing with aggression:

Ignoring;
switching attention;
"graceful care".

Graceful care - it is a diplomatic maneuver that allows all participants to calmly get out of a conflict situation. Any original or non-standard reaction of an adult to the aggressive behavior of a child helps to resolve a problem situation better than threats and physical measures.
Toggle the child's attention can be on the game. The game- the best way to have a fun and entertaining pastime, and also the best way to relieve emotional stress, anxiety, fear. Aggression in the game is replaced by self confidence, is developing positive self-esteem, is getting stronger emotional sphere child.

Games and exercises for children and adolescents prone to aggressive behavior

These games free the child from the accumulated negative energy. Of course, any other game, for example, an active one, also relieves aggression, but often after a hard day's work, parents do not have the strength to run around the apartment with their child or go outside with him. These games minimize the activity of an adult in playing with children, do not require a lot of space and special equipment. Invite your child to play if you see that "everything is wrong and wrong" for him, when he is angry or bored, or when he himself asks you to play with him.

When playing, observe the following regulations:

1. Always required praise the child: "Good!", "Well done!", "Clever girl!", "How great you are doing!"

2. The atmosphere during the game must be positive. Enjoy the game yourself! It will relieve stress, irritation, fatigue.

3. Even the most unexpected and strange responses of a child - good ones! There is no "right" or "wrong" in the game. The good thing is that it is original and non-standard.

THE GAME" YES AND NO"

Target: relieve the child's state of apathy, fatigue, awaken vitality.

Equipment: small bell. Game progress

The great thing is that only voice. You and your child will have to wage an imaginary battle with words. Decide who will start and say the word "yes" and the other will say the word "no". Your whole argument will consist of these two words. You need to start very quietly, in an undertone, and then increase the volume until one of you two decides that there is nowhere louder. Then he will take the bell and ring. The ringing of a bell is a signal to shut up and feel how pleasant it is to be in silence.

If you want to play more, you can continue by exchanging words.

THE GAME" BLOTS"

Target: relieve the child's fear and state of aggression.

Equipment: clean sheets of paper, liquid paint (you can use gouache).

Game progress

You invite the child to take a little paint of any color on a brush and throw a "blot" on the sheet. Fold the sheet in half so that the "blot" is imprinted on the second half of the sheet. Expand the sheet and try to understand who or what the resulting double-sided "blot" looks like.

Aggressive or depressed children choose dark colors and see aggressive stories (monsters, scary spiders, etc.) in their "blots". Through the discussion of the "scary picture", the child's aggression comes out, he is freed from negative energy.

Parents should take light colors for their "blots" and come up with pleasant, calm associations (butterflies, fabulous flowers, trees, etc.)

THE GAME" REPEAT AFTER ME"

Target: relieve fatigue and aggression in children. Equipment: pencils. Game progress

You tap the rhythm of a song on the table with a pencil. Then ask your child to repeat this rhythm. If the rhythm is repeated correctly, you and your child will tap it together. Then the child sets his own rhythm, and you repeat it. You can complicate the task by asking to determine which song it is.

THE GAME" DETERMINE THE TOY"

Target: switch the attention of children from aggression to play, develop thinking and speech.

Equipment: toys. Game progress

Invite your child to bring 5-6 different toys, lay them out in front of you and come up with a riddle about one of them. You figure out what kind of toy it is. If you guess correctly, the child removes it. Etc. You can come up with riddles in turn, changing places. It is very interesting. Children 6-7 years old love to come up with riddles.

THE GAME" FIREWOOD CHOP"

Target: enable children to feel their aggressive energy and throw it out through movement.

Game progress

Invite the child to pick up an imaginary ax. Show how they chop wood with an ax. Ask your child to show you how thick a piece of log he would like to cut. Say that you need to put the log on a stump, raise the ax high above your head and lower it on the log, shouting out loud "Ha!" Then place the chock in front of the child and offer to chop it for 2-3 minutes. In the end, he must say how many chops he chopped.

You can chop wood together, three, that is, the whole family. Then everyone should say how much wood he chopped.

THE GAME" THAT-TIBI-SPIRIT"

Target: remove negative emotions from children. Game progress

You say: "I see you are in a bad mood. I know one magic spell against a bad mood. Here's what you need to do. Walk around the room and say angrily," Tukh-tibi-spirit! " chant this spell, then to mom (dad). There is one prohibition: you can’t laugh. Repeat the spell until it works. "

For example, the children interpret the proverb "The quieter you go, the further you will be," the children interpret as follows: you need to drive quietly, then you will quickly come home.

Proverbs:
"Measure seven times, cut once"
"The master's work is afraid"
"Jack of all trades"
"The potatoes are ripe - get down to business"
"You can't catch a fish from a pond without difficulty"
"More action - less words"
"There is grief - grieve, there is work - work"
"The earned bread is sweet"
"You can't buy gingerbread without work"
"In order not to be mistaken, there is no need to rush" Target: reduce stress, the level of anxiety in children (preschoolers, younger students), throw out negative emotions. Equipment: old newspapers. Game progress

Invite your child to rip the paper into different sized pieces and toss them in the center of the room. You can also tear the paper with him. When the pile in the center of the room is large, have your child play with it by tossing pieces up, scattering them, or jumping on top of them. Game progress

Offer to make up as many sentences as possible, including the following words, that is, each sentence must contain all three of these words:

lake, bear, pencil;
street, book, apron;
ball, sky, flower;
glasses, bag, bike.

With my active and temperamental youngest, I very early faced the problem of childish aggressiveness. When Gleb goes out into the yard, the children run away, and their mothers are not too happy either. Having gone through a difficult "yard" summer and the difficulties of getting used to the kindergarten team in the fall, together we came to important conclusions that, I hope, will help other parents.

1. Aggressive behavior of a child is not a personality trait

Aggression at three is not really aggression. Kids are just learning to communicate, control themselves, distinguish between good and evil. An offended kid may shout: “I’ll kill you!” Without fully understanding the meaning of the words spoken. This does not mean that he is bad, he just managed to hear these words somewhere and still does not know how to control his impulses. The more temperamental children scream louder and push harder, while the quieter ones endure, cry, or run to complain. All children are different, but they are all good and worthy of love.

2. Patience is the main weapon of the mother of the "nightmare" child

If we scream, the child shakes his mustache. If we hit a child, he understands that it IS POSSIBLE. Screaming and violence can not achieve ANYTHING from a baby, except for a good assimilation of this our behavior by him. In the most difficult times, my husband and I generally stopped raising our voices and spanking the child. If he fights, we just silently take away our weapons and go on about our business. If he opens his hands, we lightly slap his hands in response and remind him not to beat others. If the brawler is already hoarse and tired of crying, we suggest that he "make up and take pity on his son." Sometimes you have to do this twenty times in a row. Sooner or later (sometimes after 10 minutes, sometimes after an hour and a half) he goes to the world.

3. Clear rules

In general, in our family there are very few prohibitions for children, but there are things that cannot be done under any circumstances (offending others, for example), otherwise there will be specific negative consequences. If the child starts a fight in the yard, we immediately go home. If you decide to throw the goods in the store, we leave. It rests and yells - we throw it over our shoulder and leave. Bite Mom - Lego game canceled. He threw a cup of tea - you know where the rag is. You can take off your sandals in the sandbox and bury your feet in the sand. Throwing sand at others is impossible, otherwise - home.

4.Energy - in a peaceful direction

This advice requires only one thing - the attention of the parents and the willingness to spend, spend, spend time and energy on your child. It is already clear that sitting and chatting with other mothers on the bench while your child rips out a toy from a year old and tries to hit him on the head with a bucket will still fail. This means that we sit down with the children in the sandbox and begin to play all together, organizing interaction and simultaneously extinguishing the beginning conflicts. We raise children in time on different sides of the yard, distract, look for bugs, collect leaves, arrange games and competitions. At home, we allow the kid, for example, to paint with watercolors in the bathtub, cook their own omelette or roll plasticine on the parquet (we will wash everything). A child, whose energy is overflowing, really needs it. Every penny of time and effort invested in it now will turn into a ruble in the future.

5. We affirm the value of good and the hopelessness of evil

To prove these two things to a child prone to displaying aggression, you need to constantly, many times a day, but without boring lectures. We read good fairy tales, simulate game situations where good overcomes evil, save and heal toys, learn to say polite and kind words, regret, ask for forgiveness. We scold evil characters, and then forgive, we are kind. We talk a lot "for life", about things in kindergarten, about good and bad deeds. I try to analyze his behavior, suggest what to do. Talking that he is already big and strong, and that strength is needed in order to help the weak, influences the son very well.

6. The situation will change someday

It's true. The child develops, and at one point he becomes a little different. Better or worse - largely depends on how we solved the problems of the previous period. If at two years old, due to age characteristics, the son did not understand well what they wanted from him, but now, at three years old, it is much easier to agree to accept the rules of society, and cases of fights, bites and other emergencies are gradually disappearing. To the delight of parents, educators and everyone around.

Childhood aggression is a completely natural and natural phenomenon. American psychologist Parens believes that a fundamentally non-hostile form of behavior is found already from the second month of a child's life. The child behaves aggressively in order to assert himself or to improve his experience. This type of aggression is an important motivation for self-affirmation and encourages the necessary competition in the world, which is not initially destructive.

A one-year-old baby can, in their hearts, hit a spoonful of porridge that he does not want to eat. And a one and a half year old - to slap the mother in the face, if she insists on a walk, and the baby enthusiastically fiddles on the carpet with a typewriter. And in this case, it is necessary to be able to initially correctly respond to the first outbursts of aggression, anger and violence on the part of the child. If attempts of destructive aggression are not suppressed in time, then in almost 100% of cases, this creates additional problems for parents, both for themselves and for the child.

Often it seems to parents that it makes no sense to teach to restrain the emotions of a three-year-old toddler. This is more than a strange position, since the foundations of behavior in society should be laid from the very beginning, and not descended from the sky on the eve of school. No wonder in Russia they said that "it is necessary to teach while the shop is lying across, but as it stretches along it is already too late."

Children-aggressors, as a rule, find themselves outcasts in kindergarten, and then in the lower grades. In search of communication, they either begin to impose friendships by force (and such relationships are initially fragile, since they are based on fear) or they unite with children with similar temperaments and emotional worlds, which leads to asocial behavior. Indeed, in order to have authority in such a company, you need to constantly prove that you are stronger and more reckless than the rest.

It is not clear why many mothers are touched when a two-year-old baby, in an attempt to assert himself, pounds his mother with fists on his hands and feet. They believe that with age, this behavior is naturally neutralized. But nothing ever happens by itself. Having learned in childhood the experience that a mother can be beaten, the child transfers this model to girls classmates, to a friend, and later to his wife and children.

The reasons for children's aggressiveness can be conditionally divided into several groups:

- the reason is the model of destructive behavior of the parents.
- the cause is a stressful situation
- the reason is the wrong reaction of the parents to the manifestations of destructive aggression or the wrong attitude of the parents to the child.
- the cause is psychopathological and neurological abnormalities in the formation of the brain and psyche.
So, if you decide to fight the child's aggression, pay attention, first of all, to your own behavior and the behavior of your household. After all, the first reason for aggression in children lies in the nature of socialization, when the child copies the behavior of adults. Aggressiveness in this case is not a property of the child's psyche, but a model of behavior adopted from adults. How do you personally deal with your own aggression? How does a child know when you are angry or upset? If he often observes how his mother shows her attitude to something, slamming the door or throwing slippers at the wall, then he will consider an aggressive model of behavior to be the norm. If dad beats mom, and mom takes it for granted for any offense to spank the child, then you must first learn to cope with your own aggression, to normalize the situation in the family.

Make it clear to your child that everyone has a right to bad emotions, but to express anger, you cannot rush at a person with fists. Teach your child to show his dissatisfaction with the words. When the child is about to get angry, tell him: I see that you are upset and angry right now. Let's figure out how you feel and why. As a rule, negativity, clothed in the form of words, relieves tension. If you often repeat this exercise, then gradually the verbal expression of negative emotions will become the norm for the child.

Often parents say: he does not understand the words, but if you pour it in properly, it becomes like silk. It is strange that in the 21st century it is necessary to explain to educated adults that physical punishment is vicious in nature. Let's admit that spanking a child is not for educational purposes, but because an adult intelligent person could not cope with the surge of emotions. Aren't there few ways to nonviolently solve problems? The method of competition, switching attention, the method of natural consequences, depriving him of some privileges (walking, watching a cartoon), the method of time-out or "chair of punishment", the method of traditional communication and explanation, in the end. If you most often spank the child in response to disobedience, then by this you sign up with the fact that you could not find the words to explain to the child how to do the right thing.

The history of forensic psychiatry shows that among murderers and maniacs who were particularly cruel, 97% grew up in families where physical punishment was the norm. That is why these people subconsciously believed that the physical form of influencing unwanted people (up to murder) is normal.

It is not worth exaggerating that from the slightest physical punishment the child's psyche will be disturbed, this is not so. There is nothing special if once every two months you could not restrain yourself and lightly slapped the child's bottom. It's scary when beating becomes the norm of upbringing. It is so entrenched that the strong have the right to beat the weak.

Learn to express yourself without kicks and spanks. Learn to say out loud: “I am unhappy with your behavior, you made me very angry with disobedience, I’m just beside myself with anger. Therefore, most likely, I will not want to read you a fairy tale in the evening. " By the way, it was noted that it is very difficult for aggressive people to express their attitude in words, especially when talking with children.

But often parents do not see that they are showing their children a pattern of aggressive behavior. Like, we don't hit the child, we don't hit each other. Why is our behavior considered aggressive? The concept of aggression is much broader than initially presented. For example, a two-year-old kid is running down the street with a stick - he chases pigeons, and the grandmother looks at it favorably. Why? Because it won't catch up anyway? And if the next time the child runs to grandmother like that?

If at the stage of early development, up to 2-2.5 years of age, the aggressive behavior of children is not stopped and attention is not directed to other ways of manifesting their uniqueness, then the aggressive model goes into the area of ​​a conscious reaction. This is the third reason for childhood aggression.

Parents can "trigger" the child's aggressiveness mechanism, constantly belittling him. If a child is subjected to systematic humiliation in a family, then in an effort to overcome the feeling of his own inferiority, sooner or later he will try by any means to prove to adults that he is worthy of something else. Through aggression, a desire will be shed to demonstrate that his position with the system of social hierarchy is higher, that he is worthy of a different attitude, a greater degree of trust or independence. Aggression of this kind is similar to a volcanic eruption: it quietly bubbling in the depths of a child's soul, and then from some small shock it erupts like an avalanche. Such aggression is characteristic of children who have been in an authoritarian society for a long time, where their opinion was not taken into account.

It happens that there are no aggressive relatives in the child's family, but at the same time the child becomes a real despot. The most common reason for this "incomprehensible" aggression is the "thunderous" atmosphere in the house. For example, when parents are in a quarrel and practically do not communicate. Or when a mother-in-law comes to visit, who has a strained relationship with the child's mother. Although there is no obvious manifestation of negative emotions in the family, children, like radars, feel the tension between relatives and discharge it with their own destructive behavior.

A stressful situation often provokes aggression in children. For example, the cause of aggression can be a sharp difference in educational measures. So after Sunday visits to her grandparents, three-year-old Alice always became capricious and irritable. The reason for this was, oddly enough, the great love of grandparents. Parents raised their daughter more strictly, and the grandfather and the woman allowed the girl to do things that were categorically impossible at home: she watched cartoons for hours, ate a lot of chocolate, went to bed when she wanted, received endless gifts, etc. At home, the girl began the week by rebuilding herself from living freely with her grandmother. And discontent was expressed in the form of outbursts of aggression.

In a large number of children, outbursts of aggression coincide with the beginning of attending kindergarten or school. First-grader Denis's mom complains:

He was always a sweet home boy with us, he did not scandal, there were no problems. We didn’t go to kindergarten, we didn’t need these infections and leveling. But they went to school - how they changed! The teacher complains: scandalous, constantly contradicting, not listening, fighting at recess. And recently he severely beat a classmate who is head and shoulders below him because of some trifle!

At home, the child is the king and God, they can make concessions to him and feel sorry for him. At school, the child ceases to be the center of the little world. And it hurts, especially if you can't succeed in knowledge. If it is not possible to achieve respect for mental achievements, then there is only one way of self-affirmation: with the help of fists to make you reckon with.

Here aggression is used as a self-defense mechanism when a child sees a real threat against him. Note that such a reaction is typical for insecure children with somewhat low self-esteem, since for them aggression replaces courage. As a rule, children are expressed through an increased form of aggression who have received less maternal affection in early childhood or who do not feel real help from adults behind their backs.

Psychologists strongly recommend that even if there is an opportunity not to take a child to kindergarten, be sure to send him there at least six months before school. Socialization experience should be acquired even before school, and attending a sports section or two-hour classes in a development club is not enough. We need full-fledged games among peers under the supervision of adults, then the child has the opportunity to gain experience in sorting out relationships in various combinations.

Often the baby becomes an aggressor if something happens in the family that is incomprehensible to him, which the child cannot influence or simply does not know how to react. For example, a second child is born. Usually already a 2-year-old is well aware that the reason for changes in the family is the appearance of a newborn. Unfortunately, I had to deal with cases of unprecedented aggression towards a baby by an older child: older children hit the baby on the head with toys, threw it on the floor from the sofa, tried to hit it with a ski pole ... Alas, there was also a horrific case when a six-year-old girl threw out her newborn brother out of the window. It is very difficult to deal with this kind of aggression, it must be extinguished even before it is evident.

You will not have strong problems with jealousy if you tell the elder one in advance how good it is when there are many children in the family. Well, if you show your child pictures with babies, go buy some things together, involve the child in choosing a name for the "lyalechka" or installing a baby crib. If the new baby falls on the older child like a snow on his head, then the older child will certainly begin to fight for the attention of the mother.

Often, only a specialist is able to find out if a stressful situation is the cause of aggression. And, of course, only a specialist will help if the child has specific mental abnormalities.

Recognize that your child is a full family member. And his opinion must be taken into account in any large-scale changes.

What should a mother do at the initial moment of the fight against childhood aggression, how to respond to outbursts of rage?

If a child raises a hand on you, intercept it and say sternly, looking straight into your eyes: “I really don’t like it when they beat me, so I don’t allow anyone to do this to me and I won’t allow you either.” It is not a fact that the child will understand this the first time, especially if earlier he was allowed to beat everyone. But from 10 times awareness will begin to occur.

If a child throws a toy in anger, pick it up, return it to the child and strictly say that the toys do not like this way of handling, that it may break. If the child throws the toy again, remove it for a day or two. Say that the toy is offended by him and asked her to take it away from the boy who is hurting her. If the child is two or three years old, ask them to iron the toy immediately, otherwise it will no longer play with its owner. Alternatively: oh-oh, the doll hurts, Katya threw it on the floor! Now the doll needs to be treated, she has a big bruise on her arm, Come on, Katya, bring cotton wool, bandages and cream - we will treat our doll. Wrap it in a sheet, swing it ...

Such a technique switches the child from a destructive model of behavior to a positive one - to feel sorry, to show compassion.

If a child swings at his little sister, stop his hand, then strictly tell the children that since they do not know how to play with each other, they will play separately. Divide the children into different rooms. If the dispute was over a toy, remove it. Don't start figuring out who started it first, as this leads to the emergence of snitching.

Punish both offenders with a severity of tone and withdrawal of the toy - for the fact that both of them could not find a compromise. In the same way, it is necessary to defuse the situation when the youngest child is to blame. Often, younger children, seeing that they generally consider the older child to be guilty of all conflicts, deliberately provoke the older child into scandals and leprosy. That is why do not tell an older child “you are older, you must understand” or “you are an elder, be sure to give in to the baby”.

If the child is constantly rude to the grandmother, limit their communication for a while. Explain to the child calmly that since he upset the grandmother, behaved rudely, called names, etc., it will not be possible to communicate with the grandmother anymore. It's a pity, because only grandma buys Kinder surprises for her grandson, and grandmother was also going to take her beloved baby to the park to ride the rides ... myself.

Constantly show your child a non-aggressive model of behavior, teach compassion. Imagine a child wants to pet a street kitten. An incorrect, aggressive model of behavior in this situation is to shout “don’t touch, it’s infectious”, to push the kitten away, to drag the child by force to the side. The correct model of behavior is to feel sorry for the kitten: “Look how unhappy he is, how bad he is. Come on, let's go home and get him a piece of sausage! But we will not touch the kitten or take him away from here. Imagine, someone else's aunt will start touching and taking you somewhere! You will be scared. So the kitten will get scared if we touch it. Plus, his cat mom might not like it! We don't want to upset the cat mom! "

Teach your child to express their emotions in the words: "I am unhappy", "I am sad", "I am angry", "I am unpleasant", etc. If the child is still small, voice it for him: “I understand you, Sasha, this car is very beautiful, and you really want this car. But I can't buy it for you, because I forgot my money at home (showing an empty wallet). I see you are sad that I will not buy this machine, you are even angry with me. I am also sorry that we will not be able to buy this machine, but I suggest you go and ride on the swing. "

In this case, however, until the end of the walk, you will have to buy nothing for anyone, so that it does not turn out that you have deceived the child.

Aggressiveness is inherent in humans. The ethyological approach (K. Lorenz) asserts that aggression is an integral part of the human essence, its nature is in the innate instinct of the struggle for survival. However, this does not mean that a person cannot learn to control his aggressiveness. And the closest people should teach this even in childhood.