For which you can encourage parents of schoolchildren. Is it worth paying a child for good assessments at school and helping the farm? Parental mistakes for encouraging children

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310

Veronica Solov

Judge the rights I or not.
My parents and grandmother live 30 km from us. The car is. Every weekend they come to our city. Then to the theater, then to visit to relatives, then at what kind of exhibition, then it's easy to walk, cafe, shopping center there .... that is, as it were, the distance is not a problem at all. Previously, they drove to us periodically. Well, once every 2-3 weeks somewhere. 2 minutes squeeze his granddaughter, coffee will go and then to chew. Leaving me dirty cups. Well, I'm not offended. All the same - they sometimes bring diapers, sliders. OK.
Those. Basically, my husband and my husband are doing a child. More precisely, the husband is all day at work, he with a child in the evening. And I day. The child is not sleeping in the afternoon almost. Well, you can't put in any way. Sleep regression, the teeth are still outlined ... That is, I can not sometimes eat calmly, wash, get along house, and, sorry, go to the toilet, because it is worth disappearing from the field of view, right away ...
Okay. The last time parents and grandmother came on March 8. As it turned out, the mother had a temperature, but her grandmother (old men as children) Zakapriznogo "Why we will not go" and they arrived. And the child got infected and fell ill. Then from her I. Then husband.
I calmly, but still my mother expressed that, they say, if sick, do not come. The child was 4 months then. It is impossible to treat in a sense. Snot river, temperature. Well, the fuck is it ??? Why could not be a visit for a week to move. What are the tears from the grandmother from scratch?! What kind of caprises? Like a child ...
Okay. Since then, do not come. Apparently offended, although I asked, they say no.

So here. As I said, my child is not sleeping. It weighs 8 kg. To drag it hard. Plus, after pregnancy, I have hernia. Get tired. I want to sit just drink hot tea in silence. I think many will understand me. Grandma calls sometimes. I do not physically do not always answer. That I feed and the child just starts to close his eyes ... Of course, I hope he will fall asleep and do not take the phone. Then we bathe. Then something else. Yes, even I can, sorry, sit on the toilet. Or wash the ass to the child. Yes, you never know what ... no. She begins to be unsubstantiated until I do not take the handset. And taking, she begins to spend me with a schoolgirl with me "Why don't you take a phone! I called!"
The desire to talk disappears, of course. Parents have ceased to travel right now. Although in the photo in the social networks, I see that they are regularly in our city. I can only reach the nearest store, that's all my entertainment))). The mood is spoiled, of course. But I do not complain about anyone, I do not express discontent. I do my duties and no one impose my child. We are engaged in them only I and my husband.
So my mother calls, I start with the claims, "What happens at all ??? What do you have with the mood ??? you don't call! Don't write! I'm calling you!" And when can I call? The regression of sleep, the teeth outlined .. you don't sleep at all. I'm not rude, I'm trying dry and only in the case ... Inclipboard and fatigue take their own.
I asked "I have the right to get tired? I have the right to a bad mood?" The answer is affirmative. Mother turned the conversation and put the phone. Now she was offended, and I feel guilty.
I will repeat that I never expressed claims to them. This is my child, I gave birth to him for myself, and I myself am doing with my husband myself. But parents can help, can find one hour a month to come, take a stroller and stroll a wheel with a child in the park. While I am calmly singing at home, or I will wash the floor, and I will wash myself, it can just take it. And since no, since you do not come, you do not want or can't, then what insults to me why I do not call, why not write ...? Whenaaa ?? And no interrogations why did not take the phone!. Could not, it means.
I have something to do. I think so.
By the way, I grew up with my grandmother and grandfather. Parents took me on the weekend only. Type they needed to work, and there was no time for me and learned. In short, it turns out with their child their parents.
In general, judge ... Maybe I am not right. Or maybe someone had so. I must throw to the phone and report as first thing, why didn't you take the phone or why not call ?? Is obliged to justify for your bad mood and fatigue ??

Sorry for the whole sheet .. booked just

256

The world is wonderful

Yesterday I go to the narrow sidewalk, to meet the girl goes, with a dog, and the dog jumps on all passersby. I honestly afraid of dogs, I am going with a huge stomach, and then a big dog jumps on me. Girl in headphones. I didn't even hear my request to keep the dog away. Of course, I have nothing against animals, but they are lovely (only from afar I can watch), but only it seems to me that it is wrong to keep animals on a long leash while walking, and not paying attention to what they jump on passersby? Does it annoy it too?

180

Ekaterina.

The situation is such a daughter recently turned 15 years old, studying on perfectly, usually shares everything with me, and I literally recently learned that she already has some kind of relationship.
In general, since she was in the 8th grade, a parent meeting was held on further certification, etc., not the essence. Of course, in addition, the conversation went about children. The class teacher issued information that in the class of daughters already there are those who meet with boys - with girls. Among them, she called my daughter, but she meets with a boy not from his class, and not even from parallels, but from 9. I was wondering, and after the meeting I decided to approach the head, and ask about this boy.
It turned out, he also learn from her, he studied not very much - until time, later, when my daughter and her boyfriend began to meet, on the 2nd subjects of class (Russian and literature) began to pull up, maybe even on somehow, it even The teacher did not know, but he learned that he smoked before, also tied when they began to meet.
What is the question of how to talk with my daughter about the guy about this, especially those who had bad habits? I worry that maybe God forbid not to get into that company. And is it worth starting a similar conversation at all?

159

The language of money is one of those that modern children teach quickly and absolutely without coercion. Practice of extinction of pocket money, encouraging a good deal with the ruble or grandmother of the birthday of the birthday amount - all this allows the child to quickly understand the benefit of his personal material well-being. Therefore, when parents, in order to motivate a child, begin to encourage "five" and "four" in cash, the schoolboy quickly gets used to the new way to "earn".

Bash on Bash

The principle of market relations on school success is quite simple: for each good assessment or at the successful completion of the quarter / half the year, the child receives a certain amount of cash. Counting the bills of dear chalks once a week or once a quarter for many parents much easier than spending daily precious evening hours on checking homework, discussion of school project or control, whether a child is engaged in studying after school in principle.

However, the Moms and Pope substantiate their actions and in most cases are not their own laziness or shortage of time, but a modern special attitude towards the process of study and motivation. Logic is simple. Adults work and get salary for it. Salary is the main motivation for many, especially when the work is complicated and does not bring much joy. The child learns - this is his home "work," and receive a reward for success in it is as natural as to receive a salary. In addition, in school, children should prepare for adulthood, and in the adult world the money play a huge role. The more successful businessman, the more he earns. The more professional employee, the more they pay. Why not make money on good estimates?

Another aspect of a similar approach to the motivation of schoolchildren: What amount will be necessary and sufficient so that the child really wanted to "earn" it and made more efforts in school? And on the other hand, so that this amount would not be in the parent budget? Or another example: Does all five have the same "weight"? And in physics, and physical education? Usually, in each family it is solved individually. It is important, moving to "market relations", immediately discuss the entire "price" with the child. So that there were no surprises if the teenager comes with a question at one moment: "Mom, and how much do you throw for the top five for a semi-annual control in mathematics?".

Experts argue that the use of money in the pedagogical plan is the incorrect decision. The increase in "payouts" in the case of school success and "cutting" of pocket money in the event of failures violates both the learning process and the formation of a healthy attitude towards money. The monetary remuneration cannot replace the participation of parents in the educational process. For children, not only the result (evaluation and remuneration) is important, but also the process: training and active participation of parents in it, their attention to what is happening with them at school. Even the usual conversation or discussion with the parents of the coming essay, a creative project or incomprehensible material helps the child to "place the shelves" that a bunch of knowledge that the teachers are trying to convey to him. And, for example, the explanation of the principle of reporting vessels in the execution of dad and utility tanks in the kitchen will be remembered faster and better than ten times read the paragraph in the textbook.

How to encourage a child for good grades? First, let's figure it out, what is the purpose of such promotions? Parents want to say to the favorite Chad "Well done", "we are proud of you" and at the same time stronger to motivate his desire to learn as much as possible.

How to properly express your joy about good studies?

Most often, children give money for this, declare oral gratitude, give gifts. Another often found option - parents do not notice successes, react negatively only to deterioration in the level of progress.

To give money, on the one hand, it seems an excellent incentive. And logical. After all, adults pay for work, why not equate studies to work. And the child needs pocket money. So let him "earn" their efforts in school, sports, music (if he goes to music school), etc. I wanted to buy something - it is enough to show myself as much as possible on the field of education and get the agreed amount. And the parents do not need to ask, and get used to earn money. It seems to be learned to independence. On the other hand, children are ingenious manipulators. You can never forget about it. Over time, the favorite child understands that with parents you can change places in the question who makes the requirements. And relationships will be built at the level: you have a certain amount - I give you a good mark or rejoicing you achievements in sports, music, etc. No money - no effort. And then what to do?

Maybe better give gifts? Of course, the presents are a pleasant event in the life of the child. Under gifts you need to understand not only the desired thing, but also interesting trips, visiting the movies, theaters, football matches, etc. That is something that will be a joyful holiday for a child.

Some parents advise simply express joy about good achievements. And do not teach something more. After all, he is studying for himself. I wonder how a child can feel and realize the thesis: "Good study need you. You can enter the university, get a prestigious high-paying job. " To comprehend the entire depth, wisdom and the justice of these words, he simply lacks life experience. It is surprising for the belief of parents to the fact that the child feels and understands that it is necessary for him to him and from the events attached by him now the future depends on his future. Favorite Chado studies for you to ... And then options: To please you, so that you are not angry with him, so as not to listen to your boning notations ... Every time it "so that" will be different. But he learns for you. Whether his will, he may not go to school at all.

But even if I understood the picture, most likely, would not significantly change. Why? Let us give an example. All parents know perfectly well that if they learn, let's say, a foreign language, the computer will unlighten perfectly, they will be able to receive even more "prestigious high-paying work" (noticed, these are words of parents designed to inspire the child for learning feats). So what? Parents selflessly teach and master? No one! But they, unlike the child, understand how much the quality of their life improves. The fact is that, in addition to understanding, still purposefulness and huge power of will.

If the parents managed to bring up an insurmountary craving for new knowledge from her beloved Chad, then perhaps as a promotion of a smile, a good word. After all, the child is already quite motivated, he does not need additional incentives for good studies. For whatever it takes: School items, music, drawing, etc. - He is all interested. For him, find out something new - already a huge reward, pleasure. Well, if parents are satisfied with this - excellent.

So it may be the right one - to use different promotions, unexpected for the child: both money, and the expression of joy and pride for the success of your favorite tea, and the purchase of something very desired, and the implementation of the dream (for example, to go to the sea, to another country and etc.)? How do you think?

Hello dear readers! Your child attends school, he diligently fulfills the mission entrusted to him - it is studying and doing it quite successfully. Sooner or later, the moment comes when the parents arise before the question, how to encourage a child for good studies?

On the one hand, the study of your child is his direct duty and, in fact, it is in the school of ChoDo receives knowledge that it is necessary to him, and not parents. On the other hand, any work should be rewarded, otherwise a person can lose interest in him.

Even if adults have repeatedly explained in Chad that a good study will allow him to enter the institute further to enter, and then learn to the profession chosen by him, then this does not mean that the kid will fully be able to appreciate the tips of the parents right today.

Children, because of their age, simply cannot fully realize how important for him will be in the future, the power of the knowledge gained is now. Therefore, encourage the child for good schools is certainly necessary, but it is worth it carefully and competently.

You ask, can you praise at all wrong? Yes, unfortunately, many parents do not fully delve into the essence of those words they say to the child! Most often, mom and dad speak the baby about what he is "well done", "genius", "the smartest student in the class" and so on.

At the same time, Choo feels that it is unnecessary to be intercepted, because he perfectly understands that there are other children who also cope with their studies. Unnecessary expectations and words that the child is the best among the others can have, as it is not paradoxically, a negative impact on your son.
So how then to praise the child?

Or don't talk anything at all? Of course, speak and praise, just admire the study of your Chad, his actions attached efforts, thanks to which he achieved such an excellent result, but do not go to the praise of the identity of your Chad. In the end, you love him not for study, but simply because he is your son or daughter.

Refuse financial promotion

You can come up with a thousand different ways that you can create a child for good studies and for positive actions and home assistance, but just do not resort to financial reward. The child should experience joy and pleasure from the learning process at school, gradually he will be able to comprehend and understand what he learns.

If the parents enter the price list - how much money Chado will receive for good estimates, the process of learning in school will be reduced to such a "earning" of money. In addition, any help at home, request from loved ones, it is likely to cause a child to do this for a certain fee. You ask, but how then to teach a child to handle money?

This question will definitely do together with the younger generation, discuss and choose ways to make money for a teenager, discuss the weekly amount of pocket expenses, but this is a completely different story. It is not necessary to reduce training at school and assisting close people to cash relations.

• Accent attention on the process itself

Teach the child to enjoy the learning process at school, and not just from the final result. If the child applies a lot of strength daily, sits behind the textbooks, trying to learn well, then help him in this. Surride in the evening what topic in geography he studied today, do not be lazy to open a geographical map and listen to the story of the son or my daughter about the famous MarigorTel. Try to find additional information on the topic that the child has studied to the coming lesson.

Most often, in the textbooks there is a compressed information on a particular topic of the lesson, there is no colorful narration and only brief, but the necessary student of knowledge is given. Try to expand the horizons of the child, attend the exhibitions, museums with him, watch movies along the topics covered, buy colorful literature. Search for interesting additional information in a non-standard way, will help you how to encourage a child for good studies and motivate it to further learning.

• Better less often than more

The best thing you can do for your children as promoting learning is to reward them for it only sometimes! The larger and more often adults begin to "ask" their own offspring, the worse they do. It is better if the encouragement will be held, for example, at the end of the quarter, half of the year or at the end of the school year.

For any significant test and independent work, it is enough for a verbal praise or a joint campaign to the movies. Frequent gifts, moms and dads beat off the child's desire to learn in the name of knowledge and for himself, everything comes down to the "earnings of the presents".

When promotion can be harmful

Of course, any encouragement may not go in favor of the child, but only to harm. Imagine the situation, parents say Chad that he will receive permission to rest with friends if he finishes good half of the year. And here, in addition to the daily efforts of Chad, it begins to grow excitement about this in parallel.

Sometimes, if parents see how the baby tried and attached efforts, it can be awarded at the end of a quarter precisely for this, and not punish the fact that he did not make a little "not" to higher results.

• Encouragement

Sometimes it becomes sorry for the family, which from the skin is climb to "give the best child." Who said that the most expensive clothes, gadgets, trips are the best? Ask any child, what is better - to be a couple of hours with mom and dad or get a new toy?

Of course, it is meant if the mother and dad do not just "press" next to the tea, and they will be active listeners, friends who love parents with whom just good to do any things. Any child with normal family values \u200b\u200band installations will say that it is better to stay with parents.

This also applies to encouragement of study - why to climb into debts, give money that was postponed by the whole family for a joint holiday in the summer to satisfy the every minute whim to "encourage" the child is not worse than other parents. Everyone has different capabilities, a different level of income - therefore, your remuneration will be different from others.

We told you about the basic principles of competent encouragement of a child for good studies, but most of our readers still want to know what types of students' motivation are acceptable, so we continue:

• Impressions as a gift

What could be better for Chad than get a strong positive impression as a gift for good studies. Therefore, boldly:

1. care tickets tickets to the cinema, Circus, theater;
2. organize a party with friends on the occasion of a quarter with good marks;
3. go to the whole family in the Amusement Park, Bowling or Billiards;
4. buy a child a ticket to the language camp or at the place of rest, which he had already dreamed of a very long time;
5. pay for a trip to the spa, photo session, subscription to the pool;
6. let go to the long-awaited concert of the favorite group or give tickets to the football match.

• Test gift.

New gadget? Why not! If your child has long been dreaming about a new phone or a friend of a miracle technology, then why not buy this very cherished gift at the successful end of the school year.

It is not about the fact that parents should take a debt only to satisfy the desire of Chad, here it is meant to acquire a gift about which he has long dreamed of, but it must be commensurate with the financial capabilities of the family. Perhaps it will be a new designer, a doll, a set of cosmetics, a laptop, a bicycle or "steep" soccer ball.

• Extra time

If you know that your child is a real worker and really put a lot of effort to achieve good marks at school, it can safely revise homework with him and at the agreed time to remove any of them.

An excellent option will be an extra day once in three or four weeks. Allow the chad to choose one such day when it is allowed to even strive school and additional sections.

Parents, as it is impossible to know your own child, his interests and hobbies, so, moms and dads, just sit in the evening and think about how to encourage the child for studying it is in your family. Remember that it is not always joy from encouraging directly in proportion to the number of money spent.

It is possible that the babe will not be so happy with an individual trip abroad, as a joint evening campaign in the movies. The brightest gift for any person is the one that has made strong emotional impressions on him.

We hope for our advice to you like the soul and you can reward your children for good studies in the best way! All are good and see you in the following articles!

In the issue of money promoting children, parents are divided into two irreconcilable camps. For someone, the idea of \u200b\u200b"pay" a child for good behavior, home assistance and excellent assessments - is unacceptable, and someone vice versa believes that in modern through the "commercial" society, the faster the children will get acquainted with cash relations, the better. Especially acute such disputes go relative to children of preschool age. There is no consensus and among psychologist specialists.

All parents certainly want children to grow hardworking, they studied well, helped at home, got used to being independent and responsible. And this is not to satisfy parental ambitions. A man with such qualities and habits is easier to transition to independent, separate from the parents of life, it is easier for him to arrange his future.

In any case, cash promotions should not concern all the duties performed by the child, and any help should not "pay", otherwise the child will soon stop doing something on a simple request, but will require monetary compensation. It is difficult to expect sincere care and participation from a person who is used to every wash dish or a cursory campaign to receive "salary". It is necessary to observe the golden middle, however, this applies to any, not only cash incentives.

One or two or three orders can be distinguished, for the qualitative execution of which the monetary reward will follow. Yes, it is for high-quality, because here is a risk of what striving to "earn" more, the child will do the job for money, and not for the sake of a good result, that is, the faster, the better.

The tasks can be any, from a banal washing of dishes, to the affairs of "special complexity" at home, some dacha works (depends on the age of the child and the fantasy of the parents).

Some practitioners pay good grades to schoolchildren. It is unlikely that such a method will force a two-way to become an excellent student, but as one of the strategic moves to correct the situation with an unloved subject can work.

Those who practice such a way of encouragement should be used to use others: children must be praised, it is possible to bring to some interesting event as a bonus, take a trip, to give a thing that a child dreamed of. It is praise and parent recognition of the success of the child must be the main motivation, not money and gifts.

The child should not dispose of money uncontrollably. If it is a little money, and their child spends on the necessary little things, this is one, but if he decided to collect money on some kind of purchase, parents should know about it, and be aware of how accumulated money is spent.

Also, if the child is allocated as a remuneration (for example, for an excellent end of the school year) a large amount, then it is necessary to negotiate what purpose he can spend them. For example, a child dreams of a new cell phone or a bike or tablet. If parents agree to such a purchase, they can give the child a certain amount for the purchase of this thing. Until a certain age, all acquisitions should be strictly monitored, and the purchases are accompanied by parents.

Some rules

1. If you have already decided to give a child money for performing the task, you should voiced in advance the specific amount. It is impossible to sick himself and bargain, and it is impossible to allow the child to "replay" the conditions.
2. Let the child spend small money at its discretion. Of course, you can unobtrusively advise that it is better to buy, but not to insist and not impose your opinion. Otherwise, the entire meaning of child's teaching to independence will thus disappear.
3. No prepayments. Promotion must follow the case already done. Also, it is also necessary to encourage good behavior, and not try to fix bad. For example, if a baby scandalith in the store (it happens at different ages), you do not need to plug your mouth with a new purchase or sweets. Rather, it is necessary to reward if he, on the contrary he behaved calmly.
4. Despite the money remuneration of the child, the parent approval of praise. Be sure to voice how you proud of the child, as he qualitatively fulfilled the order, emphasize that he himself is certainly pleasant in a clean room (or go to walk because I quickly made lessons, etc.).
5. If you use money as a promotion, then you should not do this as a reward for good food. First, you can't buy a healthy appetite anyway, and secondly it is believed that if you do not overdo with sweets, then the child itself is able to control his digestion. Do not install food reflex in monetary dependency.