For expectant mother 

Aggression from a man to a woman. My husband became aggressive

Unfortunately, none female is not 100% insured against the fact that her man will not humiliate, insult or even beat. You can spend a lot of time polling representatives of the stronger sex and analyzing their behavior, but it is better to build on the specific character traits of a man who has a tendency to violence and aggression.

Initially, when meeting, it is almost impossible to recognize such a person, but if you look closely at his manner of communication and behavior, you will soon notice his predisposition to violence and unquestioning domination.

Unfortunately, most women cannot see the makings of an aggressor in their man, especially at the initial stage of a relationship. More often, a person shows his whole essence after a long time, when the relationship has passed to the stage of serious. But if you start from the characteristics of the psychological portrait of a man who is prone to violence, then you will quickly learn to calculate such an individual. Let's find out the main characteristics of such a representative of the stronger sex in order to insure against troubles in the future.

1. A male aggressor can talk for hours about his participation in fights, describing everything in detail... Women who do not want to turn their family life into hell should think twice before connecting their lives with such a man. If he constantly talks about how someone beat or beat him, then it is likely that he is ready to repeat this process in the future, often the participants do not play a role.

If you've heard that parents often punished using a belt, it is likely that fights in adolescence and childhood were an attempt to restore lowered self-esteem. Psychologists have found an interesting pattern: 30% of men to whom parents used physical punishment are prone to violence in their own families. In any case, be wary of a man who focuses on finding out the relationship with the help of physical actions, because there is no guarantee that you will not become his next victim.

2. The male aggressor blames others for all his problems.... Men who are prone to violence and aggression simply cannot take full responsibility for their actions. He will constantly say that a classmate provoked him to that fight, and the insult to his ex-girlfriend was nothing more than self-defense. Such a man will never say that he beat a man because he himself caused the showdown and provoked the incident. Such men often manifest themselves as an agreeable husband who gives the right to vote to his wife, but at some point he breaks down and gives vent to his emotions. Be sure to talk to the man you are interested in, and try to determine his position: whether he knows how to take responsibility for his actions and take responsibility in various life situations.

3. In a rage, the male aggressor may break a plate or other household item... A man who loses self-control during tense emotional situations may throw objects that come his hand. This means that a man does not know how to control his emotions, words and actions, which is precisely the reason for quarrels, scandals and divorces.


Aggression is destructive behavior that contradicts the norms of human morality, expressing psychological discomfort and physical harm by harming the object of aggression. Often, unprovoked hostility is explained by the desire of the aggressor to dominate others and includes encroachment on freedom and personal space, having a destructive effect. Being an instinctive model of behavior, aggression is inherent in every person to a different degree, since it is a certain form of self-defense and survival in the real world. Often this is a style of behavior formed since childhood as a reaction to emerging conflict situations.

Causes of aggression

The reasons for the manifestation of aggression in a man are:

  • alcoholism;
  • the use of energy drinks;
  • drug addiction and substance abuse;
  • smoking;
  • lack of self-control;
  • physical abnormalities in the normal functioning of vital organs;
  • work and home situations;
  • stress.

In family life, aggression is a common problem that contributes to the destruction of relationships within the family and its split.

It is known that children and women suffer the most from aggression, becoming objects of violence by men. Every fifth representative of the fairer sex, according to statistics, is constantly beaten and experiences a panic feeling of fear and hatred in relation to the family aggressor. One third of crimes occur within the family, which underlines the scale of the problem of violence and its global nature.

How to protect yourself from aggression?

To ensure that a woman can protect herself from violence, at the initial stage of building a relationship with a man, it is required to pay attention to his behavior. Should be alerted by the fascinating descriptions of a loved one about fights in which he himself was a direct participant, or about his childhood, where he had to be beaten by his father's belt more than once. Statistics claim that a third of the total number of such children in the future become prone to the use of aggression, turning into inveterate fighters.

Moreover, the feeling of guilt is alien to these individuals and is easily transferred to the more fragile female shoulders. In most cases, the attraction to violence is incurable, so you should be very careful about building relationships with this person or abandoning them altogether, so that in the future the treatment of aggression does not fall on fragile female shoulders. In any case, attempts to guide such a person on the true path with a sincere faith in his correction will be in vain.

Broken, thrown, smashed by the surrounding objects by a man in a state of anger also indicate his imbalance and lack of self-control. It is fraught with the fact that at one fine moment a loved one, no matter who, can become the replacement of an improvised object in the event of a surge of negative emotions. In this case, this someone becomes a victim of the aggressor, whom the latter, having deprived her of self-respect, begins to dictate his terms and carefully, with maximum suspicion, control every step.

Threats to the victim should not be taken as lighthearted. They carry the most immediate danger, necessarily entailing physical violence, and require immediate measures to be taken to treat the hostile subject.

Types of male aggressors

Women, becoming the object of an aggressor, cannot understand how to behave further, what to do, who to contact and where to run. To understand the reason for the abusive behavior on the part of a man, you need to know what type the latter belongs to:

  • flayer;

In the external environment, he is an ideal family man, the “soul” of any company, a caring spouse who adores his wife. A sufficient number of people envy this woman, who has such a wonderful and sweet spouse, with whom they are fantastically lucky. Everything radically changes upon the arrival of a loved one home, instantly taking off the mask and intoxicatingly taking out anger on his half, doing its "treatment".

  • despot;

The most dangerous type of man who believes that everything and everyone is allowed in his family. The wife, experiencing constant beatings from him, is afraid to tell anyone about them due to the possible aggravation of the situation. Often, fights take place while drunk, in front of friends, for no particular reason, and the man does not consider it necessary to apologize for the violence inflicted on his intimidated wife.

  • Jonah;

A man with low self-esteem, unable to realize himself in the world around him. The accumulated aggression and anger for a failed life takes out on a weaker woman. He believes that everyone is to blame for his failures except him: society, the political situation, neighbors, wife and children, in the end. Often he is friends with alcohol and is most dangerous when drunk.

  • Rebel.

In life, he loves his family, takes care of her, participates in domestic life. But this happens up to a certain point. In a state of alcoholic intoxication, he becomes completely uncontrollable, loses control over himself, uses brute physical force. The next morning he is able to realize what happened, repent, sincerely apologize to his wife with oath promises that this will not happen again.

Children face to face with aggression

Male aggression can be directed towards children and animals that are not able to fight back directly. If this happens, you just need to run away from this person, in order to avoid the onset of the worst consequences. A man who once raised his hand against a woman will be able to do this in relation to her child. A provoking factor in the manifestation of aggression is the use of alcohol or other psychotropic drugs - the faithful companions of individuals prone to violence.

A woman who has experienced once and, perhaps more than once, violence from such a man should not believe any of his persuasions. The mechanism of aggression is launched, and its manifestation will become permanent, since it will be the need to take out anger and accumulated negativity from the aggressor.

It is important to take into account that the problem of domestic violence can be clearly seen by the victim of the aggressor, but not by himself. That is why the rapist will categorically refuse psychological assistance and treatment.

The weaker half should in no case endure violence against oneself, vainly comforting oneself with the hope that the aggressor will realize his guilt and take up his mind. Seeing a submissive and calm attitude to the ongoing outbursts of anger, a man will show it again and again, treating this as a normal everyday occurrence.

Patience and inaction are the enemies of aggression

Inaction and patience are the worst decisions that can be made.

Children, about whom the male aggressor thinks least of all during bouts of unjustified anger, can be witnesses, and possibly victims of the aggressor. Living in an environment of cruelty and constant fights, receiving psychological trauma for life, they copy this model of it for themselves as something familiar. In the future, when growing up, such aggression can become a personality trait and manifest itself in relation to those close to them.

It is dangerous to live with an aggressor, since in the first place he has the satisfaction of his own ambitions and the elimination of anger with the manifestation of strength in relation to his loved ones.

Prevention and treatment of aggression

Prevention and treatment of attacks of aggression consist of medical assistance from specialists and social measures, consisting in the timely determination of the onset of the attack by others and competent behavior during its duration.

It is difficult to pacify a man's aggression, since only negative emotions lead him. Therefore, it is better to switch the attention of the aggressor to positive aspects. People who decide to come into conflict with the aggressor need to behave as balanced and calm as possible, being at a safe distance from him.

If no methods: conversations, persuasion, the help of a psychologist, treatment - could not bring the desired results, the only way out for a woman would be only a divorce. It is clear that the existing fear of the unknown, anxiety about the material support of themselves and their children forces women to endure regular beatings, hoping to improve the family situation in the future.

Reasons for living with an aggressor

The reasons forcing a woman to live in the already familiar fear:

  1. Material dependence on a spouse, who may be the only breadwinner in the family, confident that the family will not go anywhere from him. An unemployed wife is afraid to be left alone, because she does not know what means she can support herself and the kids. In this case, she needs to get a job and turn to relatives with a request to help with housing or financially at a new stage of life.
  2. Fear of a new wave of aggression. The woman is afraid that the abandoned husband will find her and take revenge, up to and including death. This fear makes her live with the aggressor and endure violence from him. Although it is imperative to run away from such a person, hide for a while, disappear from his field of vision, which will protect against expected aggression.
  3. The familiarity of a tense situation in the family. In some cases, this even plays into the hands of female victims, since those around her feel sorry for her, sympathize, take her side, condemning the male aggressor. It happens that a woman herself is afraid to admit to herself that the current situation suits her completely. In this case, there is only one way out - to stop playing the role of a victim, not to tolerate aggression and think first of all about children.
  4. Beats - it means he loves. The rule by which many women, deceiving themselves, justify the violent behavior of their spouse. The misconception is that the victim considers his aggressive behavior to be proof of strong love and jealousy. As a concern, the weaker sex, lacking love and attention, considers beatings inflicted.
  5. Fear of being alone. The fear of being left alone and the unreality of meeting love in her life encourages a woman not to change the situation and endure humiliation: let such a husband be better than none. In reality, many women who risked changing their lives successfully built their happiness with another person with the gained independence.
  6. Belief in the myth that a man's behavior will change for the better. Remembering him, at the beginning of the relationship, caring and loving, the woman hopes that everything can be returned, you just need a little patience and time. It's a delusion. If a man does not decide to change himself, the woman will still endure beatings from him.

Just a step to a new life

Life is given alone, and its quality depends directly on a person. To take the risk of taking a step and get away from the male aggressor, a woman needs:

  1. Think about your own health. Forgetting about herself, she dissolves in her spouse, surrounding him with care and comfort. Violence and persistent fear undermine a woman's mental and physical well-being.
  2. Have your own opinion and not be afraid to leave a man in fear that others and relatives will condemn this act. Who, if not a victim of violence, needs to make a decision on which the future life of her and her children depends.
  3. Improve self-esteem. Living in the same territory with the male aggressor, do not allow yourself to be hurt, trying to rebuff all his antics. Avoid raising your hand to your side.
  4. Do not hide the fact of violence. Often the aggressor is afraid of external condemnation, the use of measures against him by law enforcement and administrative bodies, therefore, a woman should in no case be silent about acts of violence.

We are all used to discussing male aggression and how to deal with it. Many are worried about the growth of child aggression in our difficult time. Are women not showing any aggression? Of course, this is not the case, and women are also quite aggressive, but they often justify their behavior by the fact that it is self-defense against aggressive men, fatigue and an unfavorable external environment.

But this is not always a woman's aggression is self-defense. Very often women are led by their emotions and, instead of solving the problem, they simply take out the evil on their husband or children. This leads to the formation of an unfavorable microclimate in the family and can destroy it, as well as become a source of psychological discomfort for children and a source of problems in future socialization.

Why does female aggression arise?

Usually the main reason, as well as a consequence of female aggression - misunderstanding and powerlessness... If a woman feels that she cannot express herself, cannot solve the accumulated problems and does not have any support on the way to solving them, this can provoke an emotional outburst, an outbreak of aggression towards loved ones, for example, her husband or children.

Do not think that this is something out of the ordinary - aggression is a normal reaction of the body, it activates forces and gives energy to solve problems, although not always in a constructive way. Often, aggression helps to defend against a threat and overcome an obstacle, but only if its energy is directed in the right direction. But aggression can be a positive phenomenon only if it is aimed at solving the problem and the manifestation is short-lived.

If aggression becomes a constant companion, and it begins to periodically "break down" on family members, this indicates the non-constructiveness of such aggression. Chronic fatigue is most likely the cause. This is especially true for residents of megalopolises - the constant noise, the tense rhythm of life, plus minor troubles in the family make a woman constantly be held captive by negative emotions that periodically spill out on loved ones.

Another reason for female aggression, especially for women on parental leave, is the lack of communication and opportunities for self-expression. A woman begins to feel like a service staff working for a child and her husband, so she gradually accumulates a negative attitude towards them and sooner or later it may splash out.

Female aggression is the path to loneliness and self-destruction

The main difference between female and male aggression is the absence of direct physical impact.... Men are more likely to act with physical force, while women are more likely to attack emotionally or verbally. Usually women shout at children, shout at men, less often break dishes or interior items, and even less often physically hit.

At the same time, most women justify their aggression by unfair treatment of them, lack of money, attention or time. Very often women use obscene language or phrases like "I would kill", "So that you die", etc. to express their feelings. This does not mean that she is ready to kill physically, but rather a sign of aggressive powerlessness.

A woman in this state is weak and vulnerable, since she cannot solve the problem and replaces its solution with an outburst of aggression. If a path to solving the problem that led to aggression is not found, such behavior can become habitual and gradually the woman herself, having got used to the discomfort as much as possible, begins to consider her life as normal. Aggression is becoming the norm in families, and children in such families often grow up to be aggressive.

What are the consequences of a woman's constant aggression? There are many of them, and the first is the problem of finding a life partner, as men feel the "scent of aggression" on a subconscious level. The second is the appearance of wrinkles - “masks of aggression”. Third - problems with blood pressure and cardiovascular system. Therefore, it is necessary by any means to avoid the growth of female aggression.

How to avoid a surge of aggression

To avoid a surge of aggression, a woman herself needs to control her emotional state, because no one can understand her feelings better than she herself. If you feel that tension is increasing, immediately analyze the reasons for this increase. Remember, a person who is satisfied with life is not enraged by a dirty cup near the computer, if such trifles begin to annoy - you need to take care of your psychological comfort.

The first thing to do is take a break. Perhaps you just did not get enough sleep, you are tired, a lot of work. Do not be afraid to tell someone about your condition, sometimes you just need to tell loved ones about your fatigue and ask for help. Alternatively, you can try to give yourself a couple of pleasant sensations. Ask that no one bothers you in the evening, take a bath, eat, listen to music. You can also take any sedative.

If it seems to you that you cannot realize yourself, this is not a reason to break down on loved ones, this is an occasion to analyze the reasons, to look for new ways to realize your needs. If emotions go off scale, you need to give them a way out. At the same time, it is important to remember that family members are not to blame, there is no need to make a row, you need to find another outlet for emotions, you can run, beat a punching bag, knock out rugs, etc.

How to deal with aggression on your own

The inability to cope with your own emotions is one of the most common reasons for visiting psychologists. But not all women can afford to spend time and money on visiting a specialist, so they do their best to cope with the problem on their own. For such women, several tips have been developed that will help put emotions in order.

If anger rolls over, you need to sit down and describe what makes you angry.... Most often, the anger passes already in the process of describing, but if it does not pass, then the sheet with the description can be torn and thrown away, taking out the evil on it.

Another way to get rid of aggression is to be alone with nature and just relax a little.... You can go to the forest, sit in silence, or, on the contrary, shout out. If complaints have accumulated against a specific person, for example, a boss, then you can express everything in any form, shout and even kick snags, this will help get rid of most of the negativity.

If the husband causes aggression, you need to try to inform him about it as correctly as possible. Men are so arranged that they can simply not understand and not notice offenses and hints, and then sincerely wonder why a woman is crying and yelling, and from where. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to talk about everything, softly and culturally communicate your displeasure to your husband and accept his comments calmly as well.

And further it is very important to notice the positive... There is no need to dwell on the bad, scroll through the grievances in your head and look for new reasons for them. It is important to notice the good, to praise your husband and children for their actions, to rejoice in little things, and soon you will notice that those around you are beginning to treat you more favorably and there are fewer reasons for aggression.

Spouse aggression: how to avoid it?

Aggression is a destructive human behavior that directly harms the object of aggression, expressed in psychological discomfort and physical harm, and contrary to the norms of human interaction.

Aggression in family life is a very common problem, which not only destroys marriages, but also inflicts a serious blow on the mental health of the spouses, sometimes to the point that a person begins to fear or hate individuals of the opposite sex. It is no secret that women and children suffer the most from violence in the family, being the target of violence for men, the head of the family. According to statistics, every fifth married woman is regularly beaten by her husband, but what is most disappointing is that 35-40% of all violent crimes occur in families, which once again confirms the relevance of the topic of this article.

Many women who are subjected to aggression by their spouse cannot understand what to do next, how to be. Some try to relieve a spouse of violent behavior by talking or visiting a spouse. In order to determine the reasons for the aggressive behavior of the spouse, it is necessary, first of all, to understand which of the types of aggressors the spouse belongs to. So, a spouse can be:

1. Flayer. Outwardly, an ideal family man, at work always takes the initiative, often is the "soul of the company", watches his appearance, in front of the people around him is always nice and kind. Those wives whose spouse is of this type are often even envied, saying "What a wonderful spouse you have!" However, when this “wonderful spouse” returns home, he ceases to be so wonderful, and can hit his wife for any reason, believing that the wife herself is to blame for this (perhaps it is - it is to blame for marrying such a flayer ).

2. Despot. One of the most dangerous types of family tyrant. In the house, the despot feels like a full-fledged owner and considers it possible to use brute force in relation to his wife without any reason (for example, for prevention, so that the wife knows her place). The spouse of the despot is afraid to tell anyone about the violence that is taking place in their family, since she is afraid of the despot, it is very difficult to predict how much he is ready to go in the manifestation of his aggression. Often, beatings occur in a state of strong alcoholic intoxication, when a despot brings a group of friends into the house, beats up his wife if she does not do as he wants, and in the morning does not even consider it necessary to apologize, they say, it happened - this is life.

3. Loser. As a rule, such a person has low self-esteem, he did not realize himself in life as he planned. Therefore, he prefers to take all his anger and aggression accumulated as a result of life failures on a weak woman. He often drinks, it is in a state of alcoholic intoxication that he is most dangerous. He is always not satisfied with life, he believes that society treated him unfairly, and, of course, his wife and children are to blame for all the failures, but not he himself.

4. Rebel. The least dangerous type of aggressor, but not in a state of alcoholic intoxication. In ordinary life, he loves his wife and children, takes care of them, helps with household chores, but if he is on edge, he is able to push his wife, hit her. In a state of alcoholic intoxication, he is able to completely lose control over his actions and pounce on his wife with fists. However, unlike a despot, in the morning he always apologizes to his wife, claims that this will not happen again, nevertheless, the manifestation of aggression can be repeated more than once.

The most dangerous stage in the manifestation of aggression occurs when children become the object of this aggression. What should a woman do in such cases?

Well, first of all, you should realize that if the spouse showed aggression once, all his persuasions that this will not happen again or it was the last time by 99% is a lie, because the mechanism of aggression has already been launched, and the spouse will show aggression again and again. It is extremely rare when the aggressor went into an internal conversation with himself, and convinced himself never to show aggression again, since the family is the most valuable in a person's life, and children should not see their father like that, because they take an example from him, etc. .d. Most often, the spouse is not able to cope with the manifestation of aggression without the help of other people and a psychologist. But you need to take into account - if the problem of the aggressive behavior of the spouse is obvious to you, it is not so obvious to him, therefore, be prepared for a categorical refusal of the help of a psychologist.

Secondly, do not tolerate it. Many women peacefully endure the humiliation of their spouse, hoping that he will "take up his mind." Everything will happen exactly the opposite - the spouse will see that you are calm about his attacks, and will think that this is permissible. Tolerate and not act is the worst of all decisions that a woman can make (only the elimination of her spouse is worse, but this is not a topic of conversation).

Third, if you have children, think about them first. If children see all this horror, they may have psychological trauma for the rest of their lives. Do you really want this? Or do you think that in the next attack of aggression, the husband thinks about it? No matter how it is, and the only thing he thinks about is how to show his strength, his power, and it does not matter at all who is in front of him.

Fourthly, if you see that further life with the aggressor is impossible, that you have tried all possible methods of treatment, and the consultations of a psychologist do not bring results, get divorced. Many women immediately have a panic fear at the thought of divorce, since not all of them work, and therefore do not know why they will provide for themselves and their children. In fact, divorce is sometimes the only way out of the situation, and it is better to end the relationship than to endure constant humiliation.

Let's figure it out what keeps women from divorce even when the solution seems obvious.

A) Economic dependence on a spouse. The spouse is the only breadwinner in the family, and therefore the woman cannot imagine how she alone will support the children. In this case, a woman must either find a job for herself, or ask her relatives to support her (help financially, with housing, etc.). Remember that the abusive spouse is well aware of your economic dependence, otherwise he would be afraid that you would leave and would not act so aggressively towards you.

B) Fear that the spouse will use aggression with an even greater desire. A woman is afraid that if she leaves her husband, he will find her and cause even more pain (up to murder), and therefore she has to live with a man, even when she has no patience. In fact, if you stay or leave - this will not change the situation with aggression. It is much better to leave and hide somewhere where your spouse cannot find you, this is the only way you can protect yourself from the growing aggression.

C) Satisfaction with the current situation. It also happens that the aggression of the spouse suits the woman, because then she plays the role of a victim, whom everyone regrets and sympathizes with, as if she is so good, takes care of the family, and the aggressor husband does not appreciate anything and beats her. The fact that the role of the victim suits her, a woman is sometimes afraid to admit to herself, not only to others, but this is so. There is only one way out - stop playing the role of a victim and understand that you are, for what to value in addition to the fact that you endure all this aggression. If you don't think about yourself, think about children.

D) "If he hits, it means he loves." Some women deceive themselves, believing that since a man beats them, it means that he is not indifferent to them, he is jealous of them, and jealous means he loves. Such women experience such a serious lack of care on the part of their husbands that they are even ready to consider beatings as such care. In this case, a woman should understand that the manifestation of love should be completely different, that it is expressed in compliments, help, affection, but it never manifests itself with the help of fists.

E) Fear of loneliness. In this case, the woman is simply afraid to be left alone, that no one will love her anymore, thinking - let her husband-aggressor be better than none. In fact, most of the women who left the abusive spouse soon found their happiness with another man, since when they left they psychologically acquired freedom of action, became more independent, and a worthy man often found them himself. Therefore, you do not need to invent anything and draw disappointing pictures in your mind, for it is far from the fact that your worst fears will ever become reality, but rather, even on the contrary, they will never come true.

F) The belief that the spouse will change for the better. The woman thinks like this: “Well, after all, he used to be so caring and gentle, for sure this aggression will soon pass and everything will be as before.” However, the years pass, and the time for changes does not come. And it will never come until the man himself wants to change. And as long as you patiently endure the beatings and wait for your spouse to deign to change, he will enjoy his behavior, since he will not meet any resistance, which means that such behavior suits both sides. Only your response to aggression can make a difference. If a man has once again shown aggression - leave, not forever, but for a while (unless this aggression is permanent), and then the man will think that he was wrong in using aggression against you. However, your quick return home will set the man up for aggression again. It is important here that your return is not easy for your husband, that he himself is looking for you, and only after finding you, he took all possible steps to persuade you to return to him.

What will help a woman avoid male aggression? Of course, the main problem of aggression lies in the man, and therefore it is advisable, if a man is not able to defeat aggression on his own, to visit a family psychologist. If all else fails, then the woman is better off leaving the man. Forever or for a certain period - you decide.

Nevertheless, one should not assume that male aggression depends exclusively on a man - the role of a woman in it is also great, and if, after another beatings, you just complain to other people about what kind of aggressor your spouse is and that he does not want to change, there will be no progress ... On the contrary, if your spouse finds out that you are complaining about him to acquaintances, aggressive behavior towards you and the children will become more frequent.

Therefore, advice to women, how to get away from male violence:

1. Think about your health. Very often a woman dissolves in her spouse, thinks that he would be good, but completely forgets about herself. Therefore, constant male aggression seriously undermines the physical and, first of all, the mental health of a woman. As a result, a woman can endure beatings and aggression for many years, and the result is the same - a broken marriage. But unlike when a woman leaves right away, in this case she gets neurosis, frequent nervous breakdowns, depression, etc. from her husband as a gift. As a result, it is more difficult for her to find a job later, to meet her man. So before forgiving your spouse's next trick, consider whether it's worth it. It is better to get away from a hopeless aggressor sooner rather than later. Life is one, and its quality directly depends on the state of your health, so take care of it.

2. Always have your opinion and do not be afraid of someone else's opinion. If you feel bad, tell the people who can help you about it. First of all, you must clearly understand what is best for you and your children, and take this into account. And do not be afraid of someone else's opinion, because your friends may say: “What are you doing? To leave such a man is both wealthy and strong ... ", but they judge from their side and do not know all the details, and therefore think after the next manifestation of aggression" what will your friends say? " stupid, because it is not for them to get rid of psychological problems and bruises later, but for you. Also, be wary of the opinions of the relatives of the aggressor, especially his mother, who will convince you: “Yes, my son will never say a rude word to a woman, let alone hit”. Understand that this is the mother of the aggressor, and for her he will always be the best. And even if you show her your numerous bruises, she will say that it is you who are deliberately slandering and that you yourself hit somewhere. Do not be afraid to leave against the opinion of the aggressor's family if your spouse does not show promise in terms of getting rid of aggressive behavior.

3. Build your self-confidence. If you are confident and know your worth, you will never allow a man to raise his hand to you. For women who know their worth, a fighting man is not a man, he loses all respect in their eyes, but how can you live with a man whom you do not respect?

4. Never hide the fact of violence. Very often, the abusive spouse can only be stopped by asking for help. Until no one finds out that acts of violence have been committed against you, no one can help you.

5. Remember that life is one, and you do not need to spend it on what gives you and your children suffering. Make the decision to change your life as early as possible before it's too late.

But, what should a wife do if not she, but her child, became the subject of her husband's aggression?

1. Implicitly take the position of the child, protect him. The spouse is already an adult, and therefore must be smarter than the child (by definition). But the child is very often unable to stand up for himself, especially in cases where the father is an authority for him. In addition, the self-esteem of young children is still at the stage of formation, and aggression can deal a serious blow to it, which will negatively affect a person's life in the future.

2. Talk to your spouse about his aggressive behavior. Ask him to imagine himself in the child's place, what he feels, whether he is offended. Adults very often copy the behavior of their parents, and if your spouse allows you to break the aggression on the child, it is highly likely that his father at one time was aggressive towards your spouse. In this case, it will be easier for a man to understand the child's feelings, because he himself once experienced it.

3. In the event that the spouse has crossed the boundaries of what is permissible and began to apply regular assaults to the child, leave the house with the child, or call the police. Remember that there is a helpline.

4. If the spouse very often attacks the child verbally, does not find a common language with him, it is possible to send the child to the closest relative (grandmother, sister, mother) for a while until the true reasons for the spouse's aggression are clarified (independently or with the help of a psychologist).

The most important thing to remember is that the parent has the right to punish the child, but it is always necessary to separate the punishment that is adequate for the child's misconduct from unreasonable aggression. Sometimes the aggression of one of the parents reaches such an extent that only a highly qualified psychologist can help to understand the problem. If this does not help, do not look at how your child suffers, take him and go to relatives - this is the best of all possible options.