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What a friendship and a true friend. What is true friendship. Signs and qualities of friendship

Friendship is a rather difficult concept to clearly define, however, like all interpersonal relationships. What is true friendship, everyone understands in their own way. To answer this question, factors such as the environment of upbringing, national and cultural characteristics, interests and personal qualities of a person are important.

What does true friendship mean?

In friendship, there are some minor differences at first glance. For example, what is the difference between the concepts of comrade and friend? Partnership is sympathy, interesting on the basis of common interests, a “sense of elbow” and a feeling of support. It can be said that partnership can be the beginning of friendship, but it can remain at this level.

When answering the question of what true friendship means, one must take into account that this type of relationship is determined by the degree of people's trust in each other. In youth, it is easy to start making friends, since the criteria and claims for trust in this or that person are still quite low. When communicating in a large company, sympathy arises between people, which become the beginning of friendships.

Unlike partnership, where common interests are the determining factor, in friendship between two people there may not be any at all. How many times could one observe examples of true friendship between completely, even radically different people. This effect is akin to common ground. If people have and maintain them, then friendship, despite differences in lifestyle and priorities, continues to exist.

English psychologists conducted surveys of people in the UK, Japan, China and other countries to highlight the general rules of true friendship. It turned out, despite the difference in cultural and religious traditions, the main criteria coincided. In a true friend for people it is important:

  1. The ability to respect and appreciate a friend as with all his shortcomings and oddities.
  2. The ability to keep a secret entrusted to a friend.
  3. Mutual reward, that is, attention, support, help.

It was also concluded from the research that in women's friendship more than in men's, the emotional factor plays a role. Unlike the older generation, where relationships are built on the basis of a combination of interests, for young people, mutual assistance and common pastime are of great importance.

In order to really truly trust a person, you need to go through a lot of life's trials and troubles with him, make sure that a friend will not leave you in trouble or an unpleasant situation. That is why people so appreciate the friends of their youth, who are tested by time and shared hardships.

As examples of true friendship from life, one can cite many famous people who do not leave or forget old friends. Beloved by many actors Konstantin Khabensky and Mikhail Porechenkov are not only colleagues, but also close friends from their student days. American actors Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have known each other since they were young, they parted ways during their student years.

Having met, they shot the famous picture "Good Will Hunting", which brought, to unknown young actors, "Oscar" and "Golden Globe".

Two great women of the Russian Empire, Catherine II and Catherine Dashkova, can serve as an example of female friendship. Singer Anna German, perhaps, would never have gained such huge popularity in the USSR if her close friend Anna Kachalina had not once offered her to record a song at the Melodiya studio, and then did not help her select and translate songs for the repertoire.

The words of the famous children's song "a friend will not leave you in trouble" is a vivid example of how friendly relations are perceived by a person. What is friendship and is it in the modern world, where people communicate through social networks, and so rarely found in real life.

Does friendship exist?

The concept of friendship has been considered for many centuries by representatives of various philosophical movements, but the main researchers were writers, poets and psychologists. The phenomenon of friendship is not limited to any specific framework, but in the general ideas of most people, friendship is a close and trusting relationship between people based on mutual attraction according to interests and intuitive understanding of each other.

The psychology of friendship

The problem of friendship exists, sociologists are sure of it. In the fast-paced age of computer technology, a person prefers to communicate in mobile ways, while there is often no time for a personal meeting. People lose a lot: there are no friendly pats on the shoulder, no visual contact, and there is practically no soulfulness. Psychologists believe that the value of friendship lies in meetings, direct live contact, and the lack of full communication can become. The psychology of friendship lies in the positive aspects:

  • feeling “I’m not alone!” against loneliness and isolation;
  • only in the presence of a significant other, a person opens up as a person and learns to be a friend.

Friendship types

Why are people friendly? The first mention of the importance of friendship is found in ancient treatises. Poets glorify the value of a shoulder, which turns out to be nearby in a difficult moment, and the desire to carry friendly feelings through life. In society, it is customary to share friendship according to age and gender characteristics. Friendship types:

  1. Children's- the child learns the world and tries to build relationships with others, to learn something new more interesting together. Children unite through common games.
  2. Youthful- a high need to express oneself, one's feelings. Friendship at this age carries a high emotional charge. The qualities of the other are overestimated and exalted - in a good way, this helps to survive difficult moments in life: misunderstanding of parents, feelings of one's own inferiority. Youthful friendship can grow into love.
  3. adult- sometimes it is the friendship that was formed in childhood and strengthened over the years. Such friends know all the ins and outs of each other - such friendship is a very rare phenomenon, therefore it is very valuable. There are several varieties of adult friendship: situational, friendly, business.
  4. male friendship- legends are composed about her, many songs are sung and wonderful books are written. What is male friendship is well shown in the Soviet film "Three Musketeers": mutual assistance, acceptance of a person completely with all his shortcomings, trust and help even in situations where a friend is in trouble through his own fault. Often in women, male friendship causes misunderstanding and envy.
  5. - men believe that it does not exist in nature. What is the friendship of women can be seen in the example of the film "Sex and the City".

For the fairer sex in friendship are important:

  • sympathy and empathy;
  • loyalty;
  • sincerity;
  • a different opinion on the situation;
  • trusting relationship;
  • the opportunity to receive the necessary support at any time of the day or night.

What is true friendship?

What does it mean to be friends - not just friends and drink coffee together from time to time, but for real? People who have no friends often feel acute loneliness and longing. The real friendship lies in a state of involvement and genuine interest in a loved one, when friends share both sadness and joy. Kindred souls - one of the theories of reincarnation explains the phenomenon of friendship with joint incarnations in past lives. The souls strive to find each other and later, when they meet, there is a strong feeling that they have known each other for a long time, despite the fact that they met for the first time.

What does friendship give a person?

Friendship in a person's life is one of the highest values ​​that comes after family. A friend is a mirror in which you see your reflection. What value does friendship bring to a relationship?

  • mutual complement of each other's positive qualities;
  • feeling of support;
  • pleasant pastime;
  • mutual assistance and assistance in difficult moments;
  • teaches selflessness and devotion;

What is the most important thing in friendship?

Much has been said about friendship, but how to determine which parameter is the most important in a relationship and who is a true friend? Each person has his own opinion regarding the hierarchy of friendship values: for some it is loyalty and the ability to trust all the secrets, which is typical for women, for men it is joint adventures: fishing, hiking, hunting. The common criteria of friendship are enduring eternal virtues: decency, kindness, and sincere interest in each other.


How to learn to be friends?

For some people, the problem of the complexity of building relationships with people is relevant and, as a result, loneliness is formed. Many want to have close friends, but for a number of reasons they do not know how to maintain even formal contacts. How to make friends and are there any specific rules of friendship? Social psychologists give a number of recommendations to help establish a connection with a person you like and develop relationships that develop into friendship, for this you need:

  • overcome shyness and get to know each other;
  • take the initiative of dating into your own hands;
  • be an open person;
  • develop ;
  • learn to listen to others;
  • provide support in difficult situations;
  • understand that the development of relationships requires a long time, effort and work.

What destroys friendship?

The test of friendship comes with time. People together go through certain stages of life with various trials, not everyone can withstand them. The reasons why even the strongest friendly ties can collapse:

  1. The emerging love of friends for one person.
  2. One of the friends is rapidly becoming rich, the second is difficult to accept a different social position.
  3. Betrayal and meanness. The reasons may be different - but it happens (best friend / girlfriend takes away his wife / husband).

Books about friendship

The value of friendship is praised by poets and writers. How to make friends with people and be a true friend - these important lessons can be learned from books of classical and modern literature:

  1. "Three Musketeers". A. Dumas. - A book about love, devotion to honor and principles. This work is the most filmed in the world.
  2. "Hearts of Three". D. London. – A novel about self-sacrifice for a friend and that no wealth can replace love and friendship.
  3. "Three Comrades", Erich Maria Remarque. - The book is about real, sincere feelings, which the author conveyed so skillfully.
  4. "Jane Eyre. Sh. Bronte». - Selflessness and friendship between the main characters, which grew into love.
  5. "Street Cat Named Bob". J. Bowen. - Friendship, between man and animal, helps James overcome prolonged depression and drug addiction.

Philosophers - classics and contemporaries - have been at a loss for a very long time and still find it difficult to find an answer to the question: "What is real friendship?" Their doubts are not surprising, because along with love, this concept causes many arguments and contradictions. Consider the main definitions of this word, which people widely use in everyday life at the present time.

  • Friendship is a relationship between people of the same or different sex, based on respect, trust, support and help. However, this concept does not fully describe the phenomenon. Indeed, in this case, mutually beneficial relations are assumed, and the presence of self-interest in a particular issue is not permissible.
  • There is another definition of the term. Friendship is mutual communication between people based on common interests, customs and values. Yes it is. But in fact, this definition only complements the previous one and does not carry any new and deep meaning in itself.
  • Friendship is a union between people. This is a spiritual definition that implies attachment based on spending time together, a common system of values, interests, common goals and plans. This formulation describes the concept in the best possible way, but it is difficult to convey the process itself in words, since it is of a spiritual nature and is difficult to define.

What is true friendship? It is difficult to give an unambiguous answer, because the definition is multifaceted, meaningful. In order for you to understand what it means, you need to understand the basic criteria by which you can distinguish friendship from other relationships.

Friendship Criteria

To understand the essence of friendship, one can rely on certain criteria that this concept is fraught with.

  • Union.

There is a marriage union, and there is a friendly one. The term does not imply a temporary relationship, but a long-term, even lifelong one. - this is precisely the union concluded between people to overcome difficulties. This may include the definition of friendship between spouses who jointly struggle with obstacles. If you want to have true friendship, you must create an alliance.

  • Attachment.

It can be both positive and negative. It all depends on how you influence each other. If one comrade has a negative impact on another, then this is no longer friendship. True friends always bring good things to each other.

Example!

If one of the friends decided to go in for sports and build muscle, then the other will want to do it on his own, because he wants to support a friend and improve with him. If he begins to dissuade him and hope for failure, there can be no question of any friendship.

  • System of values.

It is truly valuable for someone to know themselves and the world around them. And for someone - to sit in front of the TV. Someone is fond of fitness, but for someone it is important to earn a lot of money. From the point of view of ancient knowledge, the best friendship is achieved between people who have common ideals. In this case, they will have more topics for conversation and more “fire in the eyes” when discussing them. Therefore, it is important what you want from life and what your task is.

  • Goals and plans.

This is also an important aspect. If a relationship has no future, it's not friendship, but spending time together. If you and your friend make plans, this indicates the reliability of your union.

Example!

Two guys are friends at the university, they study in the same group. They have common interests - gaining knowledge, mutual goals - to successfully pass the exams. Everything is fine until adulthood begins. Indeed, how many people have kept their friendships after graduation? Units. If there were common goals (building a career in the same company, business, starting a family, building houses in the neighborhood), and if efforts were made to achieve them, then the friendship could be saved.

All these criteria are especially important in order to form real ones.

Why friendship is needed

In fact, it is enough to define what true friendship means. To find the answer to this question, you must not forget about other concepts on which it is built. This is mutual respect, altruism, willingness to be needed and useful.

Why is this happening: people seem to be doing everything possible to maintain true friendship, but there is an abyss? Communication "does not stick", do you want to end the conversation as soon as possible? This arises from the presence of a difference in development, values. is, first of all, an ally in life, with whom you want to grow and overcome obstacles.

In the world of entrepreneurship and spiritual development, there is a so-called "success formula". Let's look at what determines the effectiveness of a person.

  • Firstly, it is knowledge, the impact of which on the final result is 10%.
  • Secondly, thinking, it is 10% of success.
  • Thirdly, the most important thing is our environment, which forms 80% of success in life.

The environment is our friends, they can either pull us up, helping in development, or down, forcing us to degrade. Which friends to choose - everyone decides for himself. Only true comrades will be able to open the world in new colors and help in development, be there at the right moment and feel you like no other.

Despite the fact that the concept of "friendship" is very complex, it occurs in the life of each of us. Friendship does not have any clear boundaries, but it has a lot of elusive nuances and questions. It is difficult to understand that a person wants to be friends with you, but to be friends and understand another is even more difficult.

Can friendship be measured?

No person on Earth can accurately measure the friendship of another person with 100% accuracy. It's simply unrealistic. Still, several points can determine the existence of friendship.
The desire for communication is the very first criterion of a friend in modern society. If a person wants to communicate with us, then we very often mistakenly write him down as “friends”. After all, it may be that this is just a “good friend”. A good and even the closest acquaintance comes from some circumstances (school, work, neighborhood) and does not imply great spiritual intimacy. However, very often this acquaintance develops into friendship.
Also, it is not always possible to call a real friend a person who constantly calls you and asks to meet and chat. In this case, you should be vigilant and take a closer look at the behavior of the “friend”. It may be that this person wants something from you and is seeking help from you. But when you need help, he will leave without even thanking you for your participation.

It is not uncommon these days to use human kindness and responsiveness.
However, even here there is a line - it is not necessary to calculate the exact amount of aid given and received. You just have to understand what motives a person uses when communicating with you.
There is one more incomprehensibility in "friendly relations". After all, there are people who just want to chat, but they will not be able to lend a shoulder in a critical situation.
But even in this case there are exceptions. For example, childhood friends who can communicate at most once a year, but still keep in touch. And why do you think? All because of the feeling and deep confidence that this person will support again in difficult times, as before. Only then will the friendship last long regardless of the circumstances.

What is real friendship based on?

Everyone should understand that friendship, like love, is a good relationship with a loved one. It is built on mutual understanding, mutual respect, acceptance of the strengths and weaknesses of another, and the desire and ability to give help to a friend. Only when a person sincerely cares about you and wants to lend a friendly shoulder, then this is real friendship. After all, many people communicate with others only because of their ambitions and desire to get help.

Also not very similar to affection is the case when a person communicates with you because he has nothing to do. So simple communication will never grow into friendship.

By these criteria, you can determine whether a person is friends with you or not. Of course, it is very difficult to understand whether they are sincerely friends with you or for their own interests. However, testing people is not worth it. Sometimes it's better to get hurt than to hurt the other person's feelings because of suspicion. It is also advisable to pay attention to how you feel with your friend, because it is impossible to be closed and embarrassed with your friend.

A strong friendship won't break

Will not fall apart from rain and blizzards.

A friend in trouble will not leave, he will not ask too much,

This is what it means to be a true friend.

In our life, all people interact, for the sake of calculation or just for the sake of spiritual satisfaction. Sometimes the spiritual satisfaction of fellowship leads to friendship. A what is true friendship and is it possible today? What kind of friendship should be? And who do you need to be friends with?

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Friendship - just like love, is the strongest feeling that unites hearts. Nowadays, it is very difficult to find friends, but it can be easy, we just have too many requirements for a potential friend. Or our thoughts are simply occupied with something more mundane. Or maybe you don’t need to look for friends, they themselves will be found when you need someone’s help. Remember when you needed someone's help, who helped you? No, not to bring bags to the apartment, and did not provide financial assistance, but something on a larger scale, which is of great importance to you. And can you call him a friend?

The help of a friend should not be matter, it should be spiritual. After all, friendship is not matter, but feelings. Our physical needs for help are just a small thing in life, but they are also of great importance to us because we pay too much attention to them. Moral or spiritual needs - that's what is important, if a person is out of balance with himself, with his inner world, is in a depressed state, then no physical or material help will be useful.

True friendship in the general sense cannot have rules, friends themselves set their own rules in their relationship, like birds build a nest, there is a general meaning of the nest, in order to live there and hatch eggs, give birth to offspring, but how and what kind of leaf or twig to put or stick the bird decides for itself. It is the same in friendship - friends decide for themselves what is possible and what is not. Naturally, in friendship one must not only take, but also give. But always one takes more than the other. Respect, sincerity, devotion - this is a component of friendship, not a rule.

A few years ago, I met a plump cutie, we became very good friends, we could chat for days, made gifts to each other for the holidays, went to visit, walked, went shopping, helped each other, supported each other in difficult times. But then something happened, for some reason we had a fight with her. I would not say that much, but we were offended by each other. Now our paths have diverged, and I often think about her. The proverb “we have, we don’t appreciate, we lose by crying” is true. Having sat down to write this article, I seriously thought about true friendship and about her, maybe she is my girlfriend? Before, when I was friends with her, I didn’t even think about friendship and the meaning of this word and the meaning of this relationship. Now I am seriously thinking about friendship, about the meaning and significance of this phenomenon, and I am trying to discern my girlfriend in every close acquaintance.

No wonder they say that friendship breeds love. To some extent, I believe that friendship is love. A reverent attitude towards a friend, the desire to help him or comfort him, or rejoice at happy moments in his life, aren't these signs of love? It is some share of love that is present in true friendship. It’s just that a person wouldn’t be especially worried about another person, and he wouldn’t rejoice too much, instead of joy there would be envy. And in order to know true friendship, you probably need to get used to each other's characters. And having gone through all the obstacles and insults, it will still remain - friendship.

Now I often think about who should be called a friend, who should not. Now this word has meanings, but before I could call everyone with this title. And now I think before calling her a friend. I guess I'm obsessed with friendship. So, I have one friend. I've known her for at least five years. At first, she annoyed me very much, her voice, laughter, behavior, manners - in general, everything! Even the look. Somehow I didn’t want to get close to her, but college did its job, we got along with her, so to speak, in my opinion, or rather, I got used to her. There was a friendship of convenience, I think, in order to survive in this environment, and not to sink into the pool of everyday couples. Two years have passed since we graduated from this college, and during this period, it seems to me, we got used to each other well, and we still communicate. I fell in love with her over the years, although she lives far from me, but we often communicate with her, but we see each other occasionally. Now she is pregnant, the last month, and I am expecting her child with her, and I am very happy for her.

They also say that you don't choose your friends. And, in my opinion, very much even choose. Nowadays, our chosen friend must meet all our requirements, as if we choose a multifunctional phone better and cheaper. More profit and less cost. Many parents tell their offspring "don't be friends with him! He can't be your friend!" so that they would communicate with children from their circle. From what circle? Children are children. They have no education or jobs. Nothing. They don’t even have a circle, it turns out that parents choose friends for their children, looking at the parents of this child. Does friendship have any limits? After all, a friend does not have to have a good job, or a higher education, or even two higher ones. A friend is a friend, and is not measured by cash in the wallet, or a good position. You can be friends with everyone and everywhere, with anyone. The spiritual connection between friends is important, not monetary. We have forgotten how to feel, we have one naked calculation. Do not confuse friendship with calculation. If nothing in your heart trembles at the thought of a friend, then it is unlikely that this is friendship.

I do not think that true friendship should have common goals and interests, you can be friends without all this. Although in our time they are friends with those people with whom they have common interests, because people do not want to bother looking for a real friend with whom they would have different interests. After all, it is sometimes interesting to argue with a friend on certain topics that concern either you or him. Just be friends no matter what. Communicate with a person, admire him, see the inner world of another person. Just be friends with a person for what he is, just respect him and his interests, because he is your friend.

Although I am friends with my classmate, we are considered best friends by those around us, and I also try to discern this friendship in our relationship. At the university, we do not move a step away from each other, we are always and everywhere together. And it seems to me that in our relationship she takes more than she gives. I don’t particularly welcome talking about my personal life now, and she very much even welcomes it, so I know everything about her, and she practically nothing about me. During our studies, we are always together, but in our free time from studies, we don’t see each other very often, we rarely call each other. I forgot to say that we are studying by correspondence. So you can imagine what kind of friendship we have. But I see friendship differently.

I remember our last fight very vividly. We swear only virtually, in reality we have not sweared yet, but even so we said a lot of nasty things that anyone could feel bad from such words and expressions. Although they say that no matter how friends fight, they always remain friends. I made sure of this. The next day we started talking as if nothing had happened. Or maybe the prospect of studying together at the institute for another four years contributed to this??? Isn't this a prime example of friendship of convenience? And although I have warm feelings for her, and no matter how we fight, they will not disappear. And if I lose her too, will I think of her? Do I want to renew my friendship? For now we are united by the university.

I understand that each person has his own ideas about true friendship, but, unfortunately, ideas do not always correspond to reality, maybe some ideas can be turned into reality, but not friendship. And, probably, the one who does not think about friendship and does not bother about its meaning and meaning has real friends, he just makes friends without thinking. And the one who thinks about all this means that he chooses friends according to some criteria in order to create an ideal friendship according to his ideas. And true friendship is not created like that, it arises. So, you don’t need to think, but you need to feel and listen to your heart. Do not idealize, but accept friendship as it is. And better, do not think about friendship, but just be friends!