How to understand that family relationships are over. What are the main signs that love has passed

24.06.2019

A protracted crisis in a relationship sometimes forces you to make a radical decision about parting. Any rupture is an injury that will hurt. And the desire to protect oneself from negative experiences makes a person postpone the inevitability. Sometimes years pass before a long-overdue breakup takes place. How to realize the futility of trying to preserve the union? How do you know when it's time to end a relationship whose happy future looks dubious? Each person is a book of secrets, and what is true about one may be completely inapplicable to another. Are there any signs that your partner has ceased to perceive you as a companion with whom they will go through life together? Let's try to figure out what signals in the behavior of women and men speak of problems leading to a breakup.

Girl: there is no more attraction

German sociologists say women are more likely to initiate breakups

A cultural matrix is laid in girls from childhood: the value of a woman is determined by the presence of a man nearby. The fear of losing a partner, even if he has long ceased to be loved, makes you postpone a painful decision. But behavior is sometimes more eloquent than words.

Typical signs of relationship problems on the part of girls:

Reduction of tactile contacts: affectionate touches, kisses and other tenderness have long gone into oblivion. Of course, the reason may be banal fatigue, difficulties at work or other worries. But a woman is inherently more sensitive, for her emotions are a natural manifestation of love and care. And unexpected coolness can be the first signal of problems that have arisen.
Consumer attitude towards a partner. A man who is needed exclusively as a source of material values will sooner or later feel resentment and uselessness. There is no spiritual closeness in such a partnership by definition, so is it worth continuing?
Nagging for little things. A woman in love is capable of truly endless forgiveness. But the less love, the more irritation a man causes. Constant dissatisfaction with the behavior, appearance, reactions, friends, work of the chosen one is an alarming symptom that needs to be discussed together.
Refusal to plan a joint child. A man's readiness for an official marriage is perceived as a guarantor of stable strong relationships. It is confidence in a partner that women are looking for when planning an addition to the family. The situation when a married woman is in no hurry to start talking about a child without being a convinced childfree is a reason to think. There are many formal reasons: financial difficulties, unpreparedness for responsibility, a desire to live for pleasure, career growth, psychological trauma from the fact that in childhood I had to nurse younger children against my will. First you need to be patient and help your beloved. But when the difficulties are over, and the prospect of adding remains unclear, talk frankly. Perhaps the girl internally does not consider her partner as the father of the unborn child and, keeping silent about the true reason, invents all new excuses.

Man: burning bridges

Men care about the state of their relationship with a loved one no less than women.

Men are less likely to pretend. In pursuit of their goals, they are able to maintain a relationship with a girl to whom they have grown cold or not loved at all. Typical signs in the behavior of a man with whom the relationship has cracked:

A single man does not position his partner in any way: he presents her by name, avoiding the definitions “my girlfriend”, “my beloved”, “my bride”. Men are essentially their own property, and the unwillingness to demonstrate the status of their companion indicates the temporary nature of the relationship.
The girl is constantly on the sidelines: he needs to help his mother, meet friends, devote time to the child from his first marriage and thousands of other examples. No one talks about the constant obsession with each other, but the main thing in a pair is he and she. Relationships in any other format are fraught with the potential threat of an imminent rupture.
Avoids talking about a joint future. Men are well aware that women are striving for marriage. And this does not scare them if feelings for the chosen one are strong. Otherwise, any mention of the future causes boredom, denial or aggression.
Comparison with other women is not in favor of the partner. Mom cooks better, although for ten years he ate his wife's cheesecakes and smacked his lips with pleasure. The neighbor is a miracle how slender, and the colleague dresses beautifully and selects perfume. Constantly belittling a girl's / wife's dignity is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Psychological aspects of the gap: how to understand that there is no future and not make a mistake

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship.

Own experiences and feelings are no less important for harmonious relationships. Psychologists distinguish signs of an internal crisis characteristic of both sexes:

feeling offended, unhappy, dissatisfied;
comparison is not in favor of the partner, constant criticism;
decrease in the frequency of sexual intercourse;
conscious or unconscious desire to be at home less often, to avoid communication.

Psychologists agree on one thing: the decision to temporarily break up is a kind of litmus test of the relationship. If both partners feel relief from their separate existence, if life is filled with joy and new acquaintances, and the bachelor life is not at all burdensome, the step was right. It's time to put the final point and move on. But if you realize that it was better together and your partner is an integral part of your life, you should try to normalize the relationship. Turning to a family psychologist will serve as the beginning of breaking the deadlock.

Relationships in captivity of everyday life: ways to diversify leisure with a loved one

The hackneyed truth that relationships require mutual effort remains relevant. Be honest about what you are especially tired of. What household chores are difficult and what kind of help would you like to receive. Allow yourself and your partner to be a little relaxed: instead of cleaning, watch a movie, instead of a long bustle in the kitchen, order a pizza, ask your parents to spend the day with their grandchildren.

5 banal (but effective!) Ways to diversify your relationship:

go on romantic dates together. At the sight of a crying baby or a cheerful company of friends, the romantic prefers to disappear in English imperceptibly. A trip to a restaurant or an outing into nature, an evening walk, shopping, a quiz, a concert of your favorite performer - there are many reasons to be together, you just have to want to.
go on a journey. A change of scenery can work wonders, charging you with a positive attitude and leaving a long emotional aftertaste. And the small difficulties that lie in wait for travelers will only strengthen the relationship - who else can you rely on in an unfamiliar place if not on a time-tested person?
start repairs, having previously agreed on its cost and design. A common cause will renew both the atmosphere and the relationship;
come up with a joint hobby: fitness, a movie club, or maybe you both like to draw or take pictures?
have sex more often. Isn't it unexpected? The pages of popular publications are full of this advice and it must definitely be adopted. Share your secret fantasy and realize it in the near future. Put your gadgets aside, watch an erotic movie and enjoy each other's company. Sex is a powerful unifying factor in any relationship that shouldn't be neglected.

Being honest with yourself is the first thing to do if the relationship gets tense. Recognizing a problem is the key to understanding its causes and solutions. Leave or stay - any decision will be correct if you are sure of it.

Relationships between people never stand still - they change every day, and partners either get closer or move away. At some point, it can be difficult to understand whether this is a temporary cooling of feelings or the end of love? How do you know when a relationship is over? When should you try to save your family, and in what cases should you not? Is it worth worrying about the breakup? Many people are tormented by similar questions. Women are especially sensitive to changes in personal relationships. Therefore, today we invite the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity to talk about this topic!

How can you tell that the relationship is over?

Almost every couple at least once is faced with a situation where relations are deteriorating and people think that the end has come. This can happen just like that or under the influence of circumstances.

It is quite understandable that over time people stop paying as much attention to each other as before, if they are busy at work, have health problems, and face other difficulties (including material ones).

It is also important to understand that over time, passion still fades away, and love takes on a slightly different form. Many people immediately think that this is nothing more than the end of the relationship.

In addition, often after a few months or years of marriage, the spouses begin to behave as naturally as possible, and it turns out that they have different interests, different habits and outlooks on life.

In general, it is not difficult to understand that there are more than enough reasons for a noticeable deterioration in relations. Sometimes it's worth saving them, and sometimes it's easier to understand that the relationship is over, and ... to part. But how to understand that the end of the relationship has come now?

If you have been cheated on, and you do not forgive the betrayal, most likely, parting will be the only possible option. If you are willing to forgive such deception, you can try to rebuild the relationship. Especially if a man sincerely regrets his deed.

It is quite another matter if a man not only cheated, but also announced that now he will live with another woman. There is no point in restoring relations here - the spouse made his choice. You just have to let go of him and forgive. The relationship is 99% likely to end.

If you have met a person whom you consider to be your soul mate, then, most likely, you no longer see anything good in your marriage. It is worth talking to a man and breaking up with him.

Do you live with your husband under the same roof, but feel like completely strangers? Are you getting further and further apart every day? Then, most likely, your relationship has come to a logical conclusion and you better understand that the relationship has come to an end. At some stage in your life, you were together, but now everyone has to go their own way.

10 signs love is over

Your meetings are becoming less and less frequent. And when you meet, you are excruciatingly looking for a topic of conversation. And more and more silence hangs, only it is no longer the same as in the beginning, when you simply did not need to speak in order to understand each other, and you simply do not have topics for conversation.

When your partner tries to make you a date, you start to painfully search for an excuse, because you suddenly catch yourself thinking that you just don't want to date him, but want to do something completely different. You yourself already understand that your relationship is over.

It's even worse when you just don't want to answer his calls. You see a familiar number on the phone display and - just do not pick up the phone.

When you do meet, quarrels break out between you more and more often, and you no longer even try to choose expressions in order to express your thoughts.

What about sex? Do you remember the last time you did it? It seems like it was a month ago. Maybe even more. No? Don't remember.

When you talk to friends or family, you complain more and more about your partner. In the end, you are already being asked if it’s time for you to break up, if everything is really that bad.

More and more you like other girls (or boys). Of course, there are a lot of attractive people, but it's still worth considering - most likely, if this happens, your relationship has come to naught.

Well, if you are not only looking in, but have already managed to change, then your relationship is almost over.

Another sign is that you and your partner began to shower each other not with reproaches, but with direct insults. Why continue to be together?

Your partner has long been causing nothing but irritation. Now you are not happy hearing the voice of a once loved one, as it seemed to you a person, but try to go into another room. If you've been together for a while, you want to be alone as quickly as possible. No, this is not just fatigue, although communication with your partner has become tiresome for you. This all suggests that your relationship is over.

How to offer to part with a person with whom you no longer have anything in common? Is it worth getting depressed and sad about it? How do you know when your relationship has come to an end? If you want to know the answers to these and other questions, be sure to stay with us!

Before talking about how to offer to part with your loved one, let's talk about the very fact of parting. Should I take it painfully? It is known that at certain stages of life we communicate with specific people. Very often, when our life radically changes, the realization comes that some person cannot be near - you just don’t feel each other. In the relationship between a man and a woman, this is exactly the situation.

Over time, you change, your habits, attitudes, goals change. It is quite possible that at some point you will find a completely stranger next to you. You understand that the relationship is over. And the worst thing in such a situation is to endure and try to do everything to revive the family, although it is no longer subject to any restoration. Conclusion - you need to leave. But how can you tell your husband about this and offer to leave?

If your family is frank about everything, just talk to your husband and tell him that you think it is necessary to end the relationship. Thank the person for all the good times you had together. Say that now you want to build your life on your own. By the way, it is quite possible that after talking with your spouse, you will understand that you absolutely do not want to part with him. If this is the case, then you can try to revive the family - an attempt is not torture.

How to propose to break up if you do not have the courage to tell the man personally about this? You can write him a letter and deliver a message. Expressing your thoughts on paper is much easier. When talking, you can get confused and stumbled as you become very nervous. But the message is a great option to say everything that you wanted, and to do it so that the person understands you correctly.

You can ask friends or family to mentally prepare the man to talk to you. Just don't let them tell him what you plan to say about the breakup.

Separately, it should be said that you should not inform about the end of the relationship by means of an email or SMS - this is simply ugly and not human. Find the strength to offer to part alone.

If you were a celebrity, then you would know in advance that your relationship has already exhausted itself from the lips of the ubiquitous journalists. But how to understand that the relationship is the end of an ordinary person, whose life is not under the scrutiny of the public and the press?

Nevertheless, the signs by which this can be determined exist and sometimes they are simply striking, the most important thing is that they need to be noticed in time. And then it will not be excruciatingly painful for wasted time.

The relationship between a man and a woman is a whole system. And if problems occur in it, repeating with enviable regularity, and even increasing in number, growing like a snowball, it is worth thinking hard about saving the relationship. However, it may happen that the relationship is over and it is impossible to keep the connection. And one "fine" day you understand: the relationship has come to an end. Next, another question arises: how to break them, so as not to feel myself and not cause the man unnecessary mental pain? This article will help you do it!

How to understand

The fact that the relationship has ended cannot be asymptomatic. There are sure to be a number of signs that tell you that the relationship is over. Knowing them, you will not waste a lot of time making useless attempts to maintain the union, which has become nonsense and even a burden, and much faster prepare and move on to breaking the connection. What are these signs?

Loss of respect for your partner. If you increasingly notice that the disadvantages of the other half outweigh the advantages or that the latter are not at all, respect is lost.
Your lack of desire to take care of a man. Every woman feels the need to surround her beloved with attention, to do everything to make his life easier, and this is normal. When such a need loses its relevance, it means that your partner no longer suits you.
A man's flaws are annoying and even infuriating. But before, you treated the disadvantages of his character with understanding and tolerance, perfectly realizing that there are no ideal people.

You are pissed off by your partner’s custody of you. A loving woman is always pleased to be the object of constant attention and care of a loved one. However, now you perceive such actions of a man exclusively as control and restriction of your own freedom of action.
You are determined to solve your problems on your own. In other words, you no longer want to ask a man for help. This speaks of your subconscious mood to end the relationship with him.
You do not feel jealous even with the increased attention of a loved one to another woman. Although most psychologists argue that jealousy is characteristic only of people who are unsure of themselves and their partner, in fact, it still signals a woman's feeling of possessiveness. It turns out that the absence of such an emotion means a subconscious readiness for parting due to the loss of true interest in your man.
Frequent comparison of a real partner with an ex. It is probably accompanied by sadness about a more rosy, as you now think, past with other men.

Thirst for privacy. Of course, every person wants to be left alone from time to time for a short time, but if this desire haunts you all the time, the relationship with your man has definitely ended.
You pay more attention to other men. Moreover, you flirt with them, and the presence of your partner does not bother you. The voice of your conscience does not react in any way to these actions.
You find a real relationship boring. You can be sure that they have no future, as boredom, getting worse every day, will eventually result in numerous conflicts and even disgust for a man.
Reluctance to look at the man. This is a clear sign of the end of love, because this reluctance is explained by your feeling of discomfort when your partner comes into your field of vision.
Loss of interest in a loved one. You no longer care about his problems, his views and beliefs are alien to you. In addition, now you increasingly find yourself thinking that your interests do not coincide and that you are completely different.

A sign of the end of a relationship is also the fact that you do not get the joy of communicating with your partner. It does not calm you down, does not give you a sense of psychological comfort and a sense of security.
You don't want intimacy with your other half. Over and over again you deny a man sex, referring either to a headache or to depression.

The presence of at least two or three of the symptoms listed may already indicate that the relationship has come to an end.

What to do?

In such a situation, it is important to relieve yourself as soon as possible of the need to continue to make efforts on yourself at least somehow, but to preserve the union that has ceased to be relevant for you. But do not act rashly, but do everything correctly and, as they say, in a civilized manner, for which pay attention to the recommendations of psychologists. So, how to properly break off a relationship with a man:

Explain to the man why the relationship ended.

Be clear about the reason for your breakup with your partner. It may not be easy, so on the eve of a conversation that should dot the “i's”, think over your “speech” to the smallest detail so as not to get confused in your own arguments. Your speech must be reasoned, honest and full of unambiguous meaning, so that your partner does not have to think out anything on their own, "reading between the lines."

Refrain from blaming. You are going to part with a man who was once not indifferent to you and even dear to you, and therefore, at least for this reason, he does not deserve humiliation. Even if deep down in your heart you understand with all sharpness that it is this person who is to blame for the end of the relationship, do not hang on him the label of the accused. Weak people do this. For the same purpose, you should not utter the hackneyed phrase "it's not about you ...", give examples from life and compare this man with others, smarter, kind, sensitive, successful.

Do not remember or offer friendship

Do not indulge in memories. This refers to vivid, romantic shots that may well force you to change your mind, especially when discussing them with your partner at the time of the explanation. This is a taboo topic, and therefore do not touch it yourself and do not allow a man to do the same.

Choose a neutral place for the decisive conversation. It should neither awaken in you sweet memories of a shared past, nor evoke any romantic associations.

Don't offer friendship in return for love. This is what the heroes of melodramas and TV series usually do, you don't need to imitate them. And the words “let's stay friends” sound somehow false and insincere.

Be calm and ready for negative reactions.

Do not allow yourself to raise your voice to your partner when talking about breaking up, do not succumb to provocation. If a man manages to piss you off, you are able to tell him something that you will later regret bitterly, and the breakup from this will become even more painful and painful.

Be prepared for negative reactions from your partner. It is unlikely that he will be delighted with your decision, and therefore shouting, objections, indignation, persuasion and even insults are not excluded from his side. In any case, stay calm and try to calm your ex-lover, but don't go too far (it shouldn't come to hugs and kisses, to promises to reconsider your decision). If you are afraid that a man will do something to himself as a result of the news of the breakup, report the incident to his relative and ask him to look after the “victim”.

It is an important step to part with a man in time with whom nothing connects you anymore. Take it seriously! Every woman and every man in her life experiences more than one such event and the main thing in this matter is to remain human and save her face.

Most men, under the influence of their own emotions, cannot objectively assess their relationship. And no matter how beautiful your romance is, it can end unexpectedly. Therefore, it is important to be aware of the signs of ending a relationship.

Indeed, in addition to the absence of initial passion, there are also other, more subtle moments. If you understand that "something is going wrong", then this article will help you to clarify the situation.

But before you take any important action, know that:

It could be a "pit"

Unfortunately, many couples confuse the ending of a relationship.with a transitional period... Falling in love at the beginning of a relationship is great, but sooner or later this period will arise, which is called the "pit".

All couples face this. Most of them think that the relationship has already outlived its usefulness and go in search of a new partner. And those couples who have found the strength to overcome this stage move on to the next, higher quality level.

Think, are you confusing a temporary crisis in a relationship with their actual end? To make the right decision, you need to understand for yourself which ones exist:

Valid signs of the end of a relationship

Instead of bright meetings - routine

Now you might think: “After all, over time, all feelings cool down!”. Yes it is! But in a truly quality relationship, some feelings are replaced by others. If before there was passion, the desire to possess, now there should be love, care, etc.

If you understand that meetings, in general, have ceased to bring any joy and satisfaction, then this is the beginning of the “end”.

(If there is no passion, but there is satisfaction from the meetings, then this is not a reason to break off relations, but just a sign of falling into that very "pit".)

Disrespectful behavior

If earlier both partners treated each other with respect, now you can see how they began to quarrel more often over little things, raise their voices at each other and show disrespect in another way.

Never let a girl behave disrespectfully or do anything like that yourself. Moreover, disrespectful behavior can be not only a sign of the breakdown of a relationship, but also its cause.

Some partners allow themselves too much and justify it by saying that "a loved one will forgive everything." But in practice, such things always remain in sight, forcing each of the partners to be in constant tension and expectation that this may happen again.

No donations

You perfectly understand that your partner may not like something about you or your lifestyle. And in order to be with some cool girl, you are ready to limit yourself in anything. This is a completely normal and natural process. And when the relationship starts both partner begin to donate any piece of their life / personality, so that they feel comfortable and good with each other.

But when the value of one partner falls for the other, these sacrifices become less and less. And finally, there comes a time when none of them wants to give in even in the smallest detail.

Such sacrifices are in all respects, except for free ones. Since in the latter, the partners do not promise anything to each other.

(Although, sometimes, this can be seen in them too; only on a much smaller scale.)

No attachments

Attachments include:

Material (payment for something; gifts)
Emotional (both partners put a lot of emotion into each other)
Temporary (ready without hesitation give each other a lot of free time)

If the relationship is coming to an end, then you may notice that your partner has stopped investing in you as much time, effort and material resources as she did before.

No motivation to change

When there is a valuable (for her or in general) man next to a girl, she will do everything possible to become better. And the pride that her man feels for her will be the best reward for her efforts. In a quality relationship, your partner shares with you the joy of her accomplishments and expects your approval. When you are around, she wants to change.

The same applies to you. If your partner stimulates you to reach new heights, then such a relationship will be very strong and will last for quite a long time.

But if you have ceased to feel motivation to achieve your goals (which your half gave you before), then you should think: does your girlfriend now have the same value as before?

This is not such a critical sign of ending a relationship as, for example, disrespect. But such a relationship will not last long either. After all, the desire to achieve something in order to match your soul mate indicates the high value of a partner. And this, as you know, is the basis of a quality relationship.

No common interests

Both partners became less and less likely to take part in the other's activities / hobbies. If earlier your soul mate could watch your favorite films or even a football match with you, now even a joint trip to your favorite place does not give her much pleasure. But meeting with girlfriends or watching a movie alone is her priority.

The more of these signs you notice in your relationship, the more likely it is that they have become obsolete. If you understand that this is really so, then take the liberty of initiating a separation. Trust me, both of you will only get better.

Relationships are important - with each other, with family, with friends, with the people we care about. But a moment comes in a romantic relationship, when things become serious, and this is already a real relationship, when the thought of spending your life with this person, making plans together is understandable and logical. But when it does not come to such thoughts, the question arises, why did this happen.

The breakup will not happen easier either with age or with experience, it is just that sometimes we become hostages of some rules, frameworks, conveniences, that such a destructive and sudden event as a breakup seems inappropriate, requiring time and effort, we do not dare to this even if they are unhappy at all. If you feel like you're stuck in this exact spot, check the list of signs when it's time to grit your teeth and end the relationship.

You don't trust each other anymore

Trust is one of the most important ingredients in any relationship, and when you lose it, it’s time to end the relationship. Signs that this is the problem in your relationship are as follows: you are arranging interrogations for your partner, you doubt his words and actions.

If there is mutual mistrust on both sides, this can lead to the absolute destruction of the relationship and the basis on which they were built, as a result of which there are: jealousy, anger, and other negative feelings. It is very difficult to get out of such a situation, the most reasonable solution is to disperse.

You recognize that you have different values.

We all have our own values that are important to us - security, freedom, family, marriage. Whatever your priorities, it's okay for you, but when they start to diverge from those that matter to your partner, it can be an early warning that things aren't going well for you and it might be time to end it all.

Each couple is faced with the search for compromises, with negotiations, with the acceptance of the partner's values, but sometimes these values diverge too much, no compromise will help this, it will be like a struggle of one person with another. If this is a serious problem in the context of your relationship, then it is better to break up and move forward.

Your dreams are no longer associated with your partner

We all make plans for the future, and even if they go as far as, for example, the next few weeks or months, your significant other should always be considered a part of them, even if the plans do not directly concern her.

If you do not see a partner in your future plans, this is a sign that it is time to end the relationship, because he is no longer part of what is dear to you. If you do not even subconsciously feel it as a part of yourself, it means that psychologically you have already let go of your soul mate. This is the end of the relationship, go ahead.

You are no longer having fun together

Relationships mean fun, joy, and if you have lost it, then it's time to leave, unless you can reanimate the old atmosphere so that your partner plunges into it. In this case, the days become dull, joyless, any attempt to have fun, to feel happiness is faced with some problem, unwillingness to do something, dislike for something. Nothing kills a relationship as much as routine, routine.

Relationships need to develop, you need to have fun together. And if you are tired of your partner, you are bored together, you need to realize that life is short in order to spend it this way. If you have discussed this topic with your partner and have not found a compromise, then it's time to leave.

You fantasize about living with someone else

Everyone fantasizes - it is part of human nature, the ability to dream and creatively represent what may or may not be, or everything that could be, in a positive or negative way. However, it starts to negatively affect your relationship when you deliberately dream of life with another person.

This is not the same as dreaming a little about a famous person and then returning to reality. The kind of fantasies we are talking about are persistent, constant, serious representations of someone who has sunk into your soul, whom you see as part of your life. If you notice this more and more often, it means that psychologically you have already abandoned your current relationship, the time has come to break it off.

You don't see a future with your partner

The most important thing that should be in a relationship is dreams of a joint future. If you cannot imagine your future with your current partner, then this begs the question of why you are in a relationship, why you stay in a situation that strains you emotionally.

We're not talking about casual relationships that can be either pointless or funny, we're talking about a serious situation where the thought of spending the rest of your life with this person is defining. If you don't see yourself in the future with your partner, end the relationship.

You don't get excited when you think about getting married with your current partner.

Marriage isn't for everyone, and that's okay, but the way to gauge whether it's time to end a relationship or not is to look at a possible future and imagine getting married with your current partner. Not only the fact of marriage, but the whole noisy party, all sides of this situation. If the presentation filled you with horror, caused tremors in your whole body, then your relationship has no future.

A wedding is a kind of extreme circumstance that evokes different emotions. And if they are negative even at this stage, then what else can you talk about? How can you live with a person who is causing a wave of negative feelings right now? How will you sleep in the same bed for the rest of your days? How will you make plans and raise your children? Break up immediately and move on. It is sad to say, but the end has come.

You realize that your partner has become a stranger to you.

The final point in any relationship is the moment when you begin to feel someone else's your soul mate. Once you talked about what love is for you, dreamed together, but today you understand that this is all far and irrevocable. Do you no longer have common values, ideas, plans, as you once did? Is this not the person you fell in love with once? It's time to end the relationship so as not to regret the wasted life for the rest of your days.