How to lead a pregnant wife. Marriage during pregnancy

29.06.2019

Greetings to all, my readers and readers. I already know that husbands also read our girlish “tales” with one eye, so I decided that it was time to pay attention to them. Girls, you can do household chores, men, I ask you to the screen. Especially those who in the near future expect the birth of offspring.

I'm sure there are a lot of them, and I also know what it's like for you sometimes with us capricious princesses. I want to help a little, to explain to you the completely incomprehensible changes in the behavior and mood of my wife, to justify her in some way. In a word, today I bring to your attention a memo called: "Advice to the husband of a pregnant wife."

Capricious with a belly

“I love you and hate you, go somewhere…closer,” this is how a pregnant woman often thinks. Contradictions are generally characteristic of the female mysterious nature, and here some appear doubly or triple. I completely agree, dear men, that it is sometimes very difficult with us, sometimes unbearable, and yet try to be softer and more condescending with your halves.

Especially when they are no longer halves, but 2/3, that is, the third, most important member of your family, a tiny son or sweet daughter, has settled inside your wife's tummy. I am sure that this is a desired baby, even if not planned. You will soon become parents, and you need to become even more united, friendly, and not quarrel over trifles. Accept that in the next 9 months you will have to please your changing wife.

The process of becoming a mother is not easy: strong hormonal storms occur inside a fragile-looking woman, the body changes, preparing to bear a baby, taste preferences are generally shocking with their incompatibility. “Honey, give me that candy over there, and salt it! And a tomato with sour cream. It’s tastier this way,” familiar phrases. So here's my advice to you: go and fetch it, otherwise the next whim will be more serious.

Don't be afraid to spoil your wife. After giving birth, she will have so much trouble that there will be no time for pampering. You cannot be in her "skin", feel all the delights and vicissitudes of the "pregnant" state. And believe me, it does not always bring only positive emotions. You, too, took part in conception, so take all possible part in bearing, even if in absentia.

Under the "heels" for 9 months

Take more care of your loved one. Take on some of the women's duties. Sometimes wash the dishes, vacuum the apartment, iron the clothes. Since we have equality in the world, then being in the role of a housewife for a man is not at all a shame. This will make your wife's housework much easier. Send her for a manicure or let her lie on the couch with her favorite book and a plate of fruit.
Follow all "orders". Often, pregnant women themselves are not happy with their oddities, hormones are raging, do not give her rest, and she, in turn, to you. If you tell her about the moments of her behavior after the birth, she may be very surprised and will not even remember half of them. Therefore, my advice is that if the wife is naughty in the middle of the night and demands snowdrops in February (read: fresh strawberries with cream, pineapples, cherries), then fly like Superman and get her these snowdrops. She suddenly began to hate the smell of your perfume, go with her to the store and pick up another perfume. Your beard pricks - shave. In general, please, whatever the cost.

Forgive "marital duty"

Don't insist on intimacy. Will have to hold on for a while. The concept of "marital duty" is abolished for an indefinite period. Your woman now has only one thing to do: do everything she wants and not do what she doesn’t want . Changes in the body of a pregnant woman lead to the fact that sometimes sexual desire disappears or painful sensations appear during the act. Don't get mad, just wait a little. The attraction of pregnant women is undulating. Soon she will come to your bed in a seductive shirt and will seduce you. Oh, those unpredictable pregnant women!

Massage your wife's legs before going to bed. Now they have a very big load, they get very tired and swell. Buy peppermint oil at the pharmacy, it will pleasantly cool and relieve fatigue, helping you fall asleep faster.

Trust and no outside advice. Do not let anyone into your little cozy world, even your mother, who is undoubtedly a wise woman who gave birth and raised you and your brothers and sisters. She has her own view of things, and if she thinks, for example, that modern diapers are harmful and you should buy gauze and make diapers “the old fashioned way”, and wash diapers not in a typewriter, but with soapy crumbs by hand, listen, but don’t tell your wife . She may be angered or upset by such advice. There should be no outside authorities in your family, decide everything among yourself, trust each other.

Positive and..flowers

Filter out the negative. Do not let a pregnant woman watch the news. There every now and then they talk about wars, murders, train and plane crashes. Your wife now such emotions and impressions to anything. Turn her on a good movie or even a cartoon with children or animals. If your best friend invited you to the anniversary, and your spouse does not like him, donate a party, stay at home together.
Feed your love. The wedding is long over, and the period of courtship after the first meeting, too, but this does not mean that a woman has ceased to need compliments, small pleasant surprises, bouquets, hugs. Feelings need to be constantly nourished, especially since very soon you will have the fruit of your love - your wonderful baby. Support your wife throughout your pregnancy, do not swear at her and do not hold grudges and evil, because she trusted you, married you and will soon thank you with the most precious gift - a white envelope tied with a pink or blue ribbon. Or maybe two at once?

Well, I have no right to detain you any longer. Go to your pot-bellied capricious, hug, kiss on the nose, and not a word about our conversation with you. It's just between us! Let the wife think that you yourself decided to become softer and kinder to her, and not I told you.

Olga Lvovna KRAKOVA, the leading psychologist of the St. Petersburg center “Young Family”, tells how to behave with her husband during this period.

Oddly enough, but the one who is destined to be born only nine months later, from the very moment the pregnancy is discovered, completely and firmly occupies all the thoughts and feelings of the expectant mother. This is normal and absolutely natural, but ... For most men, both literally and figuratively, this is not obvious. And when a beloved woman discusses for the hundredth time with her friend which diapers are better, then it begins to seem to him that you no longer need him and are not interested.

And the sooner you dissuade him from this, the better. It is not difficult to do this. Talk to your husband about his affairs, even if such conversations were rare in your family before. Or any other topic that worried you was common before you got pregnant. That is, chat about any trifles, instead of once again discussing the problem of choosing a stroller or wallpaper for the nursery.

Moreover, once again leaving the doors of the antenatal clinic, buy your husband something that he has long dreamed of. You don’t need huge gifts: it will be no less pleasant for him to receive a nice tie, a cassette with his favorite movie, or tickets to a football match you hate so much. And, of course, do not refuse to go somewhere together. The main thing is that your joint sorties have nothing to do with the upcoming event. No matter what your husband says, it’s very hard for him to see you disheveled, in completely unthinkable hoodie dresses, especially if you didn’t allow yourself to go out before without making up your lips. Therefore, do not relax too much, watch yourself. A pregnant woman should not cause sympathy and compassion, she should cause delight and admiration. And it's not that difficult.

Do special gymnastics for expectant mothers, take care of your body, face, wear special underwear. And, most importantly, remember: because you became pregnant, you did not stop being a woman, and your husband still remained a loving man. And for this reason, intimate relationships should not be a thing of the past, of course, if there are no medical contraindications.

But be that as it may, such is the peculiarity of the state called pregnancy that everything you talk about, whatever you do, invariably comes down to one thing - a child. For the future father, as we have already said, this is not easy, and if sooner or later he breaks through or closes in on himself, do not be discouraged. Sit down and talk to your husband. To moderate possible jealousy on the part of the spouse in relation to the unborn child, explain to your loved one that competition is impossible between him and the baby. It is a part of yourself, the fruit of your love, and the feeling that you have for your husband will in no way be divided into two. You draw love for your husband and love for an unborn baby from different sources.

In order for your spouse to feel more and more like a father every day, to show you due attention and care, you must definitely share your feelings and experiences with him. But remember that it doesn't have to be "hours of suffering" about how bad you feel and he doesn't notice.

And even more so, you should not drag your husband with you to the antenatal clinic, arguing that your friend's husband went. All people are different and, perhaps, your husband will find a much more acceptable option for him to support you. For example, he will free one of the cabinets he “necessary” for children's clothes or bring a bath from your friend. But the main thing that future parents should understand is that the birth of a baby is not only hard work together, a test of the authenticity of your relationship, but also the upbringing of feelings that will help you become gentle, caring and loving mom and dad.

In some families, the expectation of a child becomes a real disaster - mutual understanding disappears, the best feelings are replaced by their opposite. In others, it happens that, on the contrary, relationships that have been deteriorating before suddenly become better. Of course, an important point will be the desire for a child for each of the spouses. But it also happens that even a planned pregnancy becomes a difficult test for family relationships. How the spouses endure it depends largely on the woman's ability to inform her husband about her condition and on the mutual desire and ability of the spouses to express their love. If there is a source of tension in your family, it is better to identify it and improve relations with your spouse now, in anticipation of the baby. For the new family member to see the world full of love, not strife.

Understand what cannot be experienced

Of course, it is not given to men to bear and give birth to children, and they cannot fully understand the joys and difficulties of this sacrament. But that doesn't mean they can't empathize. It is very important to be able to tell your husband about your condition. Constantly whining and complaining, of course, is useless, especially since a rare pregnancy is actually so difficult. In many ways, the state of a woman depends on her mood. From constant complaints and self-pity, the state of health does not improve. At the same time, it is not always easy to believe that pregnancy is not a disease, but a special condition. Especially if it starts with early toxicosis. Let a man not know what kind of condition it is, but believe that you feel bad, and he may well sympathize. It’s good if you not only complain, but also tell what actions your spouse can take to ease your condition. Knowing that a loved one is bad, and not being able to help, is very difficult. You can ask your husband to get what you need from the refrigerator if you are annoyed by the smells from there. For the same reason, a spouse is unlikely to refuse to take out the trash or not use perfume that has become unpleasant to you. Let him hang up or take off the laundry if you find it difficult to raise your arms high. But you should not try to shift all household chores to your husband under the pretext of your well-being. Housework is the minimum of physical activity that a pregnant woman even needs. And the spouse will hardly be pleased to realize that they are trying to manipulate him. Be sure to ask for help where your husband can provide it and where you really need it, but do not abuse your position.

It happens that the husband flatly refuses to help his wife with the housework. This is especially difficult for a woman who sees a manifestation of love in her husband's help. It is not at all necessary that a man's refusal to do household chores means his indifference to his half. Perhaps in his family there was a clear division of work into “female” and “male”, and he grew up with the idea that there are things that he is not supposed to do. In this case, you should turn to the sense of justice of the spouse. Once upon a time, wives basically did not work and only took care of the house and children, while husbands fed the family. Times have changed since then, and the once typically male role of breadwinner in most families is shared between both spouses. Isn't it fair to share women's duties, so that the burden on husband and wife is the same? An important argument can also be the message that when your spouse helps you, you feel loved. Sometimes a husband refuses to do housework because he is the main earner and gets very tired. If you still need help, you can not cope with homework because of your health, you should consider hiring a helper.

Perhaps every woman is pleased with her husband's interest in the course of pregnancy. A real miracle happens - a little man grows inside you. It's nice when a husband shares with you the joys and anxieties of waiting for a baby, is interested in your well-being and the opinion of doctors, And it's a shame to see your spouse's indifference. The reaction of men to the news of the upcoming fatherhood is very different. Someone immediately begins to feel like a father and is happy about it, while someone needs a lot of time to realize the change and accept it. In this case, a man often looks indifferent, although in fact he is experiencing his own anxieties.

Sometimes a husband is not only interested in the condition of his wife, but also has his own opinion on how she should behave. And this opinion does not always coincide with the ideas of the wife and even with the recommendations of the doctor. Most often, the spouse listens only to the words of his mother and believes that her experience can be trusted. What to do if these recommendations do not suit you at all? It is hardly worth brushing aside and ignoring the words of your husband: after all, this is also a manifestation of his concern and excitement for you and the child. It is unlikely that resentment and tears will help: he would rather write it off for your condition than finally realize what he himself is wrong about. But in most cases it is possible to discuss everything seriously and come to an agreement. It is often enough to remind the spouse that his mother's information is already out of date. Surely she does not know all the nuances and judges only by herself: she recalls that she was once forbidden and recommended to her and now gives the same advice to her daughter-in-law. Does she have a medical background? If not, there is nothing to argue about: surely your doctor knows best what is good for you. If all these arguments do not affect the spouse, if he does not even want to think about the fact that his mother can be wrong, then all that remains is to agree with him and ... do it your own way. Because arguments take a lot of time and effort, and now you need them much more for more positive activities.

Language of love

Have you ever heard that love in marriage lasts the first year, maximum - the first three years, and then is replaced by a habit, if the family does not break up at all? This happens quite often indeed. Why is this happening? Where does love go and is it possible to do something so as not to lose it? After all, right now, in anticipation of the baby, I especially want the world in which he will come to be full of love.

For love to live for years, it must be created constantly. If you start to act the way a person behaves when he loves, then, most likely, the husband will respond with a sincere feeling. How do people behave when they love? They give gifts, look at each other kindly, listen to a loved one, touch him, willingly give in on trifles, say pleasant things, try in every possible way to please a loved one. Even if you don't feel the rush of love right now, you can still do it all. No matter what worries pregnancy brings, do not forget that a child is the fruit of love, this is what has now forever connected you with this particular man. It often happens that spouses actually have feelings, but they do not find expression. By itself, the ability to express their feelings in different people is different. For some, it is easy and pleasant, while others are much more restrained both in statements and in actions. This does not mean that a restrained person does not love - loves, but does not know how or cannot afford to express it. Often in a marriage, one spouse is more “hot” and the other is more “cold”. It happens that the first begins to take offense at the second and ceases to show his love himself. Unfortunately, this usually only leads to the fact that the mutual feeling gradually fades. At the same time, when one of the spouses takes care, shows that he loves, the second becomes infected and inspired, he has a desire to do the same.

Another common problem is when a husband and wife talk about love in different languages. For example, the wife wants to hear something pleasant, and the husband only guesses to give gifts or express his feelings through touch, hugs, kisses. As a result, a woman often begins to think that her husband does not love her, and he, in turn, does not understand what does not suit her - after all, he, as it seems to him, makes it clear what he feels for her. During pregnancy, every woman especially needs love and care, and the ability of spouses to understand each other becomes an important condition for maintaining a good climate in the family.

Psychologists identify 5 main love languages.

Spending time together is more than just talking. Many people feel loved when someone they love is doing the same thing. It can be a trip to a concert or a picnic in the woods, even joint cleaning - any thing that both or at least one of the spouses likes, and the second does not mind. When you do something together, you have shared memories. This can be a source of joy for your family.

words of encouragement. These are compliments, and praise, and an expression of gratitude - all that you can say to your spouse is pleasant, which can please him. Words of encouragement should not be flattery, an attempt to achieve something. What is said sincerely, with the sole purpose of pleasing a loved one and is perceived with gratitude, causes a desire to repay the same. The intonation with which you speak is also important. After all, she is able to change, distort the meaning of words.
Time spent together. Conversations and any joint activities are the love language of many people. The most important thing here is to pay attention to your spouse. After all, being together is not the same as being close. For example, if a husband and wife are watching TV at the same time, they may not even notice each other - all attention is occupied by what is happening on the screen. To be together, you need to turn off the TV and look at each other. But just looking is not enough. You need a general lesson or conversation. When a husband or wife complains that the other half does not talk to him or her, this does not always mean that the person does not open his mouth. Many people know how and love to speak, but few know how to listen. In a conversation, it is important to understand what a person wants, to catch his emotions, a real need.
Gifts are visible symbols of love. Unfortunately, after marriage, people often forget about it. Spouses often feel that gifts are a waste of money. Thrift is a good quality for a family man, but isn't love a worthy investment? Choosing a gift is not always an easy task. I must say, people whose love language is gifts are not too concerned about their price. They really value attention. And therefore it is not scary that it is not always possible to buy something expensive. If a person is difficult to please, then most likely this is not his love language.
Help. As a rule, a woman needs help more often than a man at home. For some wives, the husband's participation in housework is superfluous - they themselves do a good job. Others also cope, but the husband's help is accepted as a manifestation of love and care. If your spouse often criticizes you for not clean enough house and not cooked dinner, then help is also his love language. He wants you to take care of him. The trouble is that orders kill love, while requests help express it. Do not let yourself be commanded - this is not good for a good relationship. And of course, try not to make demands yourself. Even pregnancy does not give you the right to do so. But learning to ask is important. A great way to ruin a relationship is to assume that your spouse should guess what you want from him, and be offended if he does not. Firstly, people do not read each other's thoughts, although sometimes they guess. Secondly, few people are pleased to feel that they are trying to achieve something from him, blackmailing him with an insult: do it or I will be offended. A husband may refuse to fulfill your desire just because of this.
Touch. For some people, this is the only way to feel love for themselves. It is important for them to hold hands, they need to be kissed and hugged, otherwise such a person begins to doubt that he is loved. Of course, an important part of touch language is sexual relationships. But fleeting touches can also express love: kisses at a meeting and parting, stroking in passing, short hugs. If this love language is not very important to you, if you do not know it, it is not so easy to learn. But if it is important to your spouse, you should learn the language of touch. After all, it is very important to speak the same language with your loved one.

Have you already defined your love language? This becomes clear to many as soon as they see the names: words of encouragement, time spent together, gifts, help, touches. People in whose lives there is a lot of love, and those who lack it sorely, often find it difficult to determine their love language. If the answer is not immediately found, try asking yourself the following questions. When do you feel loved? What do you want most from your loved one? What hurts you the most? If you are very hurt that your husband does not help around the house, then your love language is help. If any criticism hurts you very much, you need words of encouragement. Another way to determine your love language is to remember what you most often ask your spouse for. Most likely, this is what you most need. And finally, remember how you yourself most often express love in what you do. Most likely, this is what you expect from your spouse.

In the same way, you can understand the language in which your spouse expresses his feelings. Does he often touch you or give you gifts, say words of encouragement or help? What does your husband ask you most often? Once you figure out which love language is most important to your spouse, all you have to do is start speaking it. Husband and wife do not always express their feelings in the same way. A rare person speaks all five love languages. Sometimes it is difficult to learn a foreign language. But this is the kind of work that will definitely pay off.

To make conversation fun...

You can master the art of conversation. To do this, try to learn the following tricks:

Look into the eyes of the interlocutor. This will help you avoid distractions and show your spouse that you are really listening.
Don't get distracted by other things. If at the moment you are busy with something, say about it: “I am busy now, please wait a minute, then I can listen to you.” This request cannot offend, unless, of course, you keep your promise.
Try to capture the emotions of the interlocutor. It is only possible to understand correctly what a person means by knowing how he feels. Do not be afraid to check yourself, ask again: "You look upset, you must have been upset that ...". This will also show your spouse that you are listening carefully.
Watch your facial expressions and gestures. In what position does the beloved sit, what is his facial expression, does he gesticulate a lot? It says a lot about what actually happens to a person. Indeed, often the words and the non-verbal message of the body contradict each other. In such cases, it is worth paying more attention to the message of the body - facial expressions and gestures. Be sure to check your guesses, ask again what the interlocutor really feels.
Don't interrupt. Unfortunately, a rare person knows how not to rush to express his own opinion. And yet it is important to learn this if you really want to understand your interlocutor.

When two people look in the same direction

When loving people are united by common aspirations, goals and interests, the family is held on a solid foundation. Can you tell what unites you with your husband? Do you have common interests and goals? Do you share all of your husband's values in life?

Each family develops its own value system. Even within the same culture, the rules by which different families live can be very different. For a child, the beliefs of the parents are something taken for granted. Children grow up with the feeling that the views of mom and dad are the only right ones. When young people create their own family, they bring values from their parents' families and these values do not always coincide. It is important to be able to converge on one system of views. To do this, each of the spouses will have to give up something from their own beliefs and accept something new. It's not always easy. But otherwise the union will not turn out to be harmonious and strong, and the children will find themselves in a difficult situation: they will have to choose between the views of their father and mother. The child will not know what kind of behavior can suit both parents. This will become a source of anxiety for him. To prevent this from happening, and simply to make each of the spouses feel comfortable in the family, it is worth discussing with the husband what is really important for him in life, what rules he adheres to in the depths of his soul, what he would like to see relations in the family, and try to find a compromise with your beliefs.

If your spouse's behavior is not clear to you, try to talk to him about it and understand why he behaves this way and not otherwise. It is important to report what feelings your husband’s actions cause in you - this affects much more than the words: “You are behaving incorrectly, you must do this and that.” Perhaps, when the spouse sees the situation through your eyes, he will reconsider his own beliefs.

"Pregnant" sex

Another important reason that can worsen the climate in the family is the sexual relationship of the spouses. During pregnancy, a woman's libido often changes: sometimes it increases, and sometimes it disappears altogether. It is bad when the husband remains unsatisfied for several months. This can cause serious problems in the family, because the husband, in turn, will most likely perceive his wife's refusal as a manifestation of hostility towards himself, as a lack of love. And unrealized physical attraction can make a man irritable. The wife probably won't like it. It is easier to experience the refusal of a spouse when a ban on sex is recommended by a doctor for medical reasons. The mutual compromise that the spouses can try to find in this case will be much more useful to the family than confrontation.

Another common problem occurs when a pregnant woman's libido rises or stays the same and her husband refuses to have sex with her. The refusal of a spouse can cause resentment. But don't be too quick to shut yourself up. Try to understand what is happening with your husband. Often this behavior is due to the fact that a man is afraid of harming his wife and child. This usually goes away when a woman makes it clear that she wants a husband, that the changes that have taken place have not changed her feelings and sensations. Often a man is also calmed by medical literature. So, having learned more about anatomy, the spouse begins to understand that the child is well enough protected and it is simply impossible to harm him. And of course, a man needs guidance: be sure to tell him which of his actions bring you discomfort and which are pleasant. "Pregnant" sex is a special relationship. Experiments and variety usually become less, but more tenderness and depth of feelings.

It is not true that all happy families are alike and only unhappy families are different. There are many recipes for happiness, while relationships are most often destroyed by the same problems. Finding your own path to a successful marriage is not always easy. But it is up to you to decide to keep and grow love or go with the flow.

Pregnancy can be considered one of the most curious and most difficult periods in the life of a married couple. During this period, new and often incomprehensible processes occur in the body of the future mother for both spouses. A storm of emotions, sudden mood swings, morning sickness, a change in bodily sensations, worries and excitement about an upcoming event are just a small part of how the everyday life of spouses is changing. Undoubtedly, for a man this period is no less stressful and, of course, the spouse is confused and indignant and often do not know how to behave. But it is obvious that a man can and should participate in the life of a pregnant wife for all nine months. Of course, communication with a pregnant wife requires increased understanding, great patience and knowledge of the situation, but this, in turn, will help to avoid many troubles by strengthening marriage bonds and bringing partners together. Here are some tips for husbands to help them get through this period more peacefully.

Be tolerant

Mood swings are an integral part of the pregnancy period due to the production of various hormones. Your spouse will be internally concerned about everything that may relate to pregnancy, and of course this will be reflected in the attitude towards you. These inner experiences are rarely expressed or discussed, and the associated nervousness, lack of mood will result in unreasonable nit-picking and scandal provocations, even if this has not been noticed before.

A man should understand that a woman is a delicate nature, and especially during this period, when everything is perceived hundreds of times sharper, she needs a little more of your time, attention, care and love. Communicate with your spouse, discuss what exactly excites her and what she feels, showing sincere interest. This will to some extent distract her from internal experiences, and it will help you understand her overall emotional picture. And your spouse will be very happy and will see that you are worried about her, which in turn will give her strength and calmness.

During the first trimester of pregnancy, a woman may experience morning sickness. You will greatly contribute to keeping her in the best condition if you stop smoking in her presence or if you do not eat strongly flavored foods or foods in her presence, the sight of which can cause illness.

Pregnancy also changes the appearance of a woman, and this moment also worries her very much. Therefore, periodically do not forget to compliment her and make pleasant surprises.

Sometimes you can afford to stroke your beloved's tummy and "talk" with the baby. This behavior will show a woman how much you appreciate her and will help you get closer, and also help establish an invisible bond between father and child.

Respect the right to privacy

Every woman has her own attitude to pregnancy and, moreover, it is very ambiguous. Some people want to immediately tell this news to everyone, while others prefer to hide their position for a while for various reasons. It is important for the spouse at this moment not to infringe on the feelings of the woman and be sure to find out if she intends to spread about her pregnancy and when she plans to please all relatives and friends with this wonderful news. Remember that your initiative can harm and offend her.

Keep track of information and surroundings

During this period, it is important to protect the wife from any negativity. Ranging from violent movies and TV shows, discussions on the Internet of an unsuccessful or problematic pregnancy, and up to people who are unpleasant to her.

At this time, a woman is overly receptive and she can think up a lot of superfluous things in her head, and communication with people unpleasant to her will in no way affect her condition positively, and what is worse can cause stress. Bring her more good music, good films, educational programs about pregnancy. Take it upon yourself to come up with reasons not to attend the birthday of a cousin she doesn't like. During this period, a woman is unusually fragile, and therefore she should be treated with tenderness and awe.

Take care of your wife and try to satisfy all her requests

During pregnancy, hormones rage in the body of a woman, which are a kind of reason for strange behavior, habits and requests. Believe me, she is not joking if she wants to eat watermelon at night in the middle of winter. This is not just a whim, but a kind of "hint" of nature about what foods are required to feed the baby in the womb. This strong craving for certain foods or dishes usually begins in the first months of pregnancy and may continue until the very end. You do not need to think whether it is useful or not and how tasty it is, run headlong in search of the desired product, as she still does not calm down, and can throw an unnecessary tantrum, because this is instinctively important to her.

She stopped liking your beard because it prickles? Or she gets sick from the smell of your cologne, which she herself chose for you. Without a twinge of conscience, get rid of everything. Her balanced state is dearer to you.

Listen and hear the wishes of the wife. Both household and trifling. It will not be difficult for you to take out the garbage, hang out the washed clothes or sometimes wash the dishes, and your wife will be grateful to you. Any help from your side will be an undeniable manifestation of real care and love. Take into account that the division of work into “male” and “female” is no longer relevant, and moreover, this is already an outdated stereotype that you will have to break. In such a difficult period for a woman, you can reconsider your views on the world.

Lighten physical activity

Pregnancy is also a heavy physical load. Imagine that for 9 months you would have to carry about 3.5 kilograms of excess weight daily. Undoubtedly, fatigue of the legs, pain in the shoulders or lower back will appear. The weight of the fetus and the abundance of amniotic fluid can lead to painful leg swelling. Therefore, it is very important to help a woman relieve tension and relax her with a foot massage with lavender or mint oil or a light acupressure of the back. You can also do light physical exercises with your wife.

You can offer your help in everything, even if you need to wash her hair with shampoo and help dry it with a hairdryer. Most importantly, you let the woman know that you want to experience this unique pregnancy experience with her. According to many women, “such joint bearing of a child” actively contributed to strengthening the bond between spouses and marriage as a whole and rooting a respectful attitude towards a spouse.

Do not neglect visiting the doctor with your spouse

For many men, going to the doctor is not at all appealing, but still visit the monitoring doctor with your pregnant wife. This will not only make her happier, but also give you the opportunity to learn the first information about the health and development of your baby.

When prescribing your wife medication or a set of physical exercises, you can help her comply with all recommendations. The best moment of visiting the doctor will be an ultrasound, where you can share the impressions of the first "meeting" with your child.

About being present at birth

Actual, but no less difficult and sensitive may be the question of your presence during childbirth. Sometimes, for medical or other reasons, this is not allowed, or, for example, the spouse herself is against the presence of her husband at the birth of a child. But if your wife asks to be with her and support her in such a difficult moment, your refusal may be regarded as a sign of cowardice or unwillingness to support her in difficult times. But, if you are not sure that you can go on such a "heroic" act, then you should honestly admit it without coming up with any excuses. A loving wife will hear and understand your arguments.

Of course, the period of pregnancy can be a test of your feelings, such a kind of "litmus test", as this is a difficult period for both spouses. Therefore, the participation of both the spouse himself and your understanding that everything depends on you is important. The main thing to remember is that a child is the result of your love. Show love and care for your spouse and do not accumulate innuendo and resentment.

You will succeed if you consciously experience this difficult, but unusual period of pregnancy with your beloved wife.

Advice for a future dad. In order to get a little closer to understanding how your pregnant wife feels, try tightening your belt so that it is difficult to breathe, stick a soccer ball or a globe under your shirt, put on tight shoes and walk like that for at least half a day. For a thrill, do housework - wash the floor, wash the laundry soaked in the bathroom, cook dinner.

There are different strategies for the behavior of a "pregnant" husband - someone seeks to earn as much money as possible, believing that the wife should deal with her specific women's affairs, and he is the breadwinner, his business is work. Someone, on the contrary, is constantly interested in the level of hemoglobin in his wife, goes to the doctors with her. And someone from time to time “warms up” with friends, preparing to celebrate a joyful event “in a big way”, leaving her, nature or mother-in-law to take care of her wife.

Everything is going as it should. Of course, a pregnant woman has many reasons for unrest and stress. Surely your wife often looks in the mirror with concern, watching the transformations of her figure. Not only the figure changes; sometimes legs, face swell, age spots appear. All this is quite natural - a cardinal restructuring of all systems takes place in the body of the expectant mother. Together with his wife, her wardrobe is also changing, you need to buy appropriate, looser clothes, it is best to buy women's moccasins on your feet. However, for your wife, your support (just like men) of her appearance is very important. Don't skimp on your compliments. Let's be honest - sometimes external beauty really recedes for a while, but try to discern the inner beauty that every pregnant woman begins to radiate. For a loving man, the wife at this time becomes much closer, sweeter. Tell her more about it.

Maybe you have come across figurines of monkeys from India: one of them closes its eyes - this means “I don’t look bad”; the other closes her ears - "I do not listen to the bad"; another one covers her mouth with her paw, which means “I don’t say bad things.” This is how a pregnant woman should behave. And her relatives, primarily her husband, should help her wife get as many positive emotions as possible. Watch the content of the television programs that the wife watches, and you too; avoid disputes and quarrels; walk more, preferably not in noisy and busy places, but in the park, in nature. An art gallery is preferable to a cafe. Feel free to accompany your wife when she visits the antenatal clinic or clinic. Emotionally, these visits are quite intense, so your psychological support will not be superfluous at all.

It is not always easy for a woman to cook during this difficult period - on the one hand, it may simply be physically difficult for her to stand at the stove for a long time, on the other hand, due to her special sensitivity to odors, occasional nausea may interfere with her. We will not once again remind you of the toxicosis of pregnancy, everyone already knows about this. The help of a man, and sometimes the leading role, is especially important here. In addition, the husband should be aware of modern views on the diet of a pregnant wife. You must strictly ensure that your wife and child receive a sufficiently varied and healthy diet, rich in vitamins and minerals, in particular calcium. And if your wife suddenly becomes capricious and irritable, tell yourself: this is how it should be, so everything is going as it should!

Keep Olympian calm. Such a phenomenon as depression of a pregnant woman is also widely known. As a rule, it occurs in the early stages of pregnancy. The reason for it, in general, is quite natural - a woman understands that there is no turning back. It's only in the song that they sing: "I'm pregnant - this is temporary!" Just as in nature there is a qualitative transition from a caterpillar to a butterfly, so a woman turns into a mother, more and more aware of her responsibility for the health and life of her unborn baby. Share this responsibility with your wife, try so that she does not feel lonely, but is confident in your support and protection. It is the feeling of security that gives a woman confidence that everything will be fine with her and the child. To better understand the condition of your wife, do not take the trouble to read special books for pregnant women and expectant mothers. For the well-being of the family, take care to maintain good relations with your old and new relatives. Let the period of pregnancy for all adults be like the period of the Olympic Games in antiquity - a time of peace and the rejection of all sorts of showdowns. If you will be taught (and they will definitely be taught), then your reaction can be of three types: “Pinocchio reaction”, which, as you know, first sent a good adviser away, and then completely launched a shoe at him; a position like “I’ll pretend to listen to other people’s advice so as not to annoy anyone, but I’ll do it my own way anyway” and the position “why don’t I really listen to these people, extra wisdom never hurts.” Try to ask your mother and your mother-in-law for some advice yourself - you will see, they will be very pleased.

The child is the man's father. Not all future dads, as, by the way, future mothers, are psychologically ready to become full-fledged parents. Sometimes the news of pregnancy hits them like snow on their heads. - The husband must take care of the pregnant wife, and the wife must take care of the husband, otherwise he may even get sick. Such cases are not uncommon. During pregnancy, nature itself helps a woman, rebuilding her hormonal processes, a man does not have this, says Yulia Postnova, midwife, director of the Jewel parent school. “Many young men begin to fear the challenges ahead. It even happened that some infantile husbands, having learned about the pregnancy of their wife, ran away to their mother. Unfortunately, there are also situations where a man, receiving much less attention from his pregnant wife than before, begins to be jealous of her unborn child. Nature has set aside nine months for the maturation of not only the child, but also his future parents. And the best way to accelerate the growing up of a husband is to take care of his wife and the long-awaited baby. It is also very useful to attend special trainings and seminars for expectant mothers and fathers together.

Communication with a child. You probably already know that there is the so-called perinatal psychology, which studies the patterns of growth and formation of the psyche of an infant in the mother's womb, explores the mechanisms of interaction and communication between a mother and her child during pregnancy. It has long been established that the child in the mother's stomach not only feels her mood, but also hears what is happening around. Of course, the first thing he hears is the beating of his mother's heart. Experiments show that later, when he grows up, he will be able to accurately determine the heart sounds of his mother among many others. This is not surprising, because the child listened to this sound for nine months.

The child also perfectly hears the voice of his mother and distinguishes it from other voices. He understands not only her intonation, but also emotions. If mom is worried, then he starts to worry. This is also quite natural, because he and his mother have a lot in common, right down to the circulatory system.

Experts recommend that mothers talk with the baby, listen to calm, melodic music with him, even read fairy tales with a calm and uncomplicated plot aloud. Then, already at the age of three or four years, the child will recognize and prefer to others exactly the music and those fairy tales that he listened to while being in his mother's stomach. Well, and one more little detail - everyone knows that when a person is nervous, he often bites his nails, chews on a pen or pencil. But a small child in the womb, of course, in late pregnancy, sucks his thumb to calm down. We specifically talk about this with you to show that a child at a certain stage of his intrauterine life is already highly developed and almost “understands everything.” Therefore, dear dads, feel free to communicate with your child. Firstly, this can easily be done through an intermediary wife. Any of your affectionate word or touch addressed to her will be immediately known to the child. He will probably be pleased to know that you and his mother have a good relationship. Secondly, you can just gently stroke your stomach, talk to your baby, listen to his heart beat. It is difficult to convey in words what you will feel when you see the heel of your son or daughter clearly protruding on the surface of your wife's abdomen.

If the pregnancy was unexpected. Have you met people who, with all their intonation, seem to apologize for the fact that they exist; people with very low self-esteem who do their best to take up as little space as possible in space? This behavior is often caused by specific problems that this person experienced while still in the womb - they did not really want him to be born. For a variety of and far from pleasant reasons, his parents had to decide whether or not to be their child. He felt these doubts at a level accessible to his emerging psyche, they determined his development. Such a child needs increased care and love. If at first you had not very good thoughts in relation to the unborn child, then you should not condemn and scold yourself for this. It will be more honest and courageous if you go up to your wife and put your hand on her stomach, just talk to the child, explain everything and apologize. Be sure to say at the end that you love him, well, and promise to go to the circus together in a few years. Practice shows that much more than half of all pregnancies are unexpected, or, as they say, "the stork brought the child." A strong, mature man considers an unexpected pregnancy an unexpected joy. He mentally and aloud tells the child and at the same time his mother and his wife that he is glad for him, that he invites the child to his house, that he already loves him or her now. Here, by the way, I would like to say a few words about the gender of the child. Some of the men really want a son, someone is waiting for a daughter. However, imagine that you come to visit an unfamiliar house, and the owners, as soon as they see you, exclaim in disappointment: “But we were expecting something completely different!” Would you like to hear it? So is the child. Try to set yourself up in advance to accept a child of the gender that fate will send you. You should not say to yourself to calm down phrases like: “Well, let the girl turn out, I will make a real boy out of her” or “Again a boy! Well, next time there will definitely be a daughter.

I remember that when we went through "War and Peace" at school, I was unpleasantly struck by the phrase Nikolai Rostov said about his own child: "A piece of meat ..." Leo Tolstoy, himself, by the way, a father of many children, knew life very well in all its manifestations. The reality is that not always full-fledged fatherly feelings are formed quickly and immediately. In this regard, it is easier for mom - when she proudly shows dad their common work and peers into his face with the hope of seeing tenderness there, she should remember that dad sees the child for the first time, while she most closely communicated with he's almost a year old.

Nature saw to it that the father was more, so to speak, calm in relation to the child; otherwise, it would be difficult for him to leave him at home and go hunting or to work in order to get food for his family. A young dad should not be afraid if he does not find in himself such a storm of positive emotions in relation to his baby that women experience for a child. Do not force things, give yourself time - you'll see, nature will take its toll.

Preparing for childbirth. Do not consider everything related to childbirth as an exclusively female affair. Find out in advance all the possible information about the maternity hospitals available to you. At the same time, find out in more detail what can and cannot be transferred to your wife at the maternity hospital when she is already there. This will save you time and nerves. If you have such an opportunity, then try to take a vacation for the time when the time comes to give birth. With the birth of a child, it will be useful for the three of you to be together. When asked whether the husband should take part in childbirth (as is practiced, for example, in a number of European countries), midwife Yulia Postnova, herself, by the way, the mother of five children, answers as follows: - The direct participation of the husband should be responsible. Childbirth is a joint action of a wife and husband, and only the man who perceives them in this way can participate in them. Otherwise, it will not be participation, but presence, which can only interfere with the wife and medical staff. A good help to wives from those men who are not entirely confident in themselves will be their prayer during childbirth. Most importantly, remember that pregnancy is not only a difficult period that must be endured, it is a period that can bring a lot of joy. Everyone understands that a pregnant woman needs help, but never treat your wife as a suffering, sick person! Pregnancy is the brightest sign of health!

Igor Tatarsky, psychologist