What should be a man in society. Be a support for your family. Real men don't cry

If you read the biographical books by Dmitry Bykov about Pasternak, Mayakovsky, the book by Dmitry Bykov about Okudzhava, you can confidently say that these refined creative natures had the confident status of real men. In his books, Dmitry Bykov does not discuss gender issues, however, as the host of one of the episodes of the Oil Painting program dedicated to the film What Men Talk About, he expressed a point of view worthy of attention.

Social stereotypes drove the heroes of the film into a corner - Slava, Kamil, Sasha and Lesha, trying to meet the expectations of those around them, lost the “war of the sexes”. They passed all tests for real men with excellent marks - they have good positions, apartments, cars, families, but are they happy?

Who is he, Real Man?

It is well known what activities for real men were appreciated in primitive times. Everyone who could get food and not become a dinner for wild animals had the status of a real man. In those days, strength, physical endurance, agility and constant readiness to fight the forces of nature, fellow tribesmen and wild animals were highly valued. These were kind of tests for real men: if he passed all the tests successfully, then the woman and his family will be fed. In those distant times, married women were not tormented by questions about how to please a man: being pregnant for almost their entire adult life, they could only cook food obtained by a man and give birth to children.

On a note: But hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have passed. The answer to the question of what a real man and a real woman should be has changed dramatically.

Even over the past 20 years, Dmitry Bykov and many other authors write in their books, women have become more independent.

What is happening today? What should a real man be like, and who is the real woman he dreams of in the 21st century? How to please a man and how to slay a woman?

It doesn't matter what kind of person has a social status: a real man can occupy different positions and play different roles in companies.

On a note: We no longer live in the Stone Age. The social roles, qualities of a real man and woman have dramatically changed even over the past half century - in the 60s in the United States, for example, it was impossible to imagine a woman wearing trousers. And today, many people wear tight jeans - and there is nothing wrong with that. The same is the case with men: in order to achieve success and the status of a real man, you do not need to run fast, have broad shoulders and full muscles.

Modern qualities of a real man

On the Internet and in the press, there are often tests for real men, after passing which, almost everyone can say with satisfaction “I am a real man!”. Unlike written tests for real men, where you can easily juggle the answers, in life, tests for real men are much more difficult.

A responsibility.

Despite his position and status, a real man takes responsibility for any of his actions on himself, without shifting the blame onto others.

Clear life goals.

A man who knows what he wants from life is moving forward rapidly. The profession and status of a real man can be different - from an installer to the director of a large organization - fortitude and the desire to go forward must be unshakable.

Gallantry.

Helping carry a heavy bag or shaking hands when getting out of the car would seem to be trifles, but this is not at all the case. Gallantry is a manifestation of upbringing and respect for a woman. This is what it takes to maintain a man's status in society.

Ability to admit your mistake.

Not everyone is capable of sincerely admitting their mistakes. Honestly admitting “I was wrong” or saying “I'm sorry” are a kind of tests for real men. And no other test for a real man will show more accurately fortitude than the ability to admit a mistake.

Ability to make compromises.

Among the qualities of a real man, flexibility in an argument is also important. The principle "there is my opinion, and it is the only true" in real life is useless and leads to unnecessary quarrels. Disagreements are obstacles on the way to the goal, and a real man should be able to overcome them without resting his forehead against the wall.

Honesty.

A real man should be honest with himself and his loved ones.

Courage and courage.

Almost every woman wants her man to be able to enter the bull arena and protect him from hooligans. Such tests for real men are not always possible and unnecessary. A modern real man should be courageous in decision-making, responsibility, courageous in the face of troubles and problems.

Hard work.

Some houses behave like the main activity for real men is to lie on the couch and drink beer in clubs, pubs or cafes. But a person who has not found himself in this society sooner or later degrades. Not helping loved ones, not having an interesting occupation, not having an occupation at all and not making sufficient efforts to find it, many drink too much. Can a potential alcoholic be called a real man?

Emotionality.

The manifestation of emotions is the lot of the strong. An insensitive pragmatist who is afraid to give vent to his feelings will not be able to make his beloved and children happy.

In his book, Dmitry Bykov described the life of the wonderful poet Boris Pasternak. The sensitivity and emotionality with which all people of creative professions are gifted did not at all prevent Pasternak from being a real man.

But you should not test a man's "authenticity": turn on tearful melodramas for your beloved or wait for his tears of happiness after watching friends' wedding photos. Many men believe that they cannot show emotions, and are used to restraining themselves, so they will fail such "tests" for real men.

Be a support for your family.

Many men think that the responsibility lies in supporting the family financially, while forgetting about other aspects. Being a protector for a woman you love doesn't just mean protecting her from bullies. A real man should be moral, emotional, physical and spiritual support for his beloved and his family.

A real man is betrayed by a happy girl next to him. Near such a man, every woman will say "I am loved, desired, beautiful, in demand and just happy." But to meet such a man is not enough - he still needs to be liked.

In search of an answer to the question of what a real man should be, women give different answers. Having met a man, women sometimes even give him a kind of test - a real man is in front of her or not.

Many women believe that a real man should be hard as a rock and as harsh as the frosts at the North Pole. And as it is sung in the famous song "so as not to drink, smoke, and bring flowers home", but this is more an image of an ideal man than a real one.

So, imperceptibly for ourselves, we replace the qualities of a real man with the ideal image of a man.

The most common misconceptions about the habits and qualities of real men

Real men don't cry.

It is a common misconception that tears and crying are not an occupation for real men, but the lot of the weak. If a man does not cry during eerie scenes in films, does not cry after a girl leaving him - these are not tests for real men.

Nature has ordered that the lacrimal glands are in both the male and female body. She had foreseen everything: if for some reason men should not have been crying, they would not have had these glands.

On a note: Tears are the same manifestation of emotions as, for example, laughter or an angry cry, and certainly not at all a sign of weakness of spirit. Suppressing emotions, a person closes in himself (and after that we blame men for being insensitive blockheads).

Scientists are sure: on average, men live less than women, also because social stereotypes make them suppress emotions.

A real man is silent.

If a woman sneaks into a purely male company and hears everything men are talking about, this stereotype will collapse like a house of cards. Among successful men, there are many politicians, broadcasters, journalists and other specialists who masterfully speak the word.

A real man must drink (vodka / beer / ... - underline or add the necessary).

In companies you can often hear inviting cries "Come with us, be a man!" And it seems that a real man will pass this test as "excellent" without any problems, having drunk with everyone. But do you really need to have some outstanding qualities in order to pour a glass of alcohol into yourself?

There is a heated debate among sociologists about where this idea "you drink means, man" came from. In the meantime, they are trying to understand how this unsubstantiated idea penetrated into the mass consciousness, thousands of people all over the world die because of alcohol, thousands of handicapped children are born, hundreds of thousands are forced to live with serious illnesses caused by alcohol, and feel practically disabled. ... Today, fortunately, this stereotype is gradually being replaced by common sense.

Real men don't dance.

Apparently, this stereotype “dancing is not an occupation for real men” was invented by men who cannot dance. There is no other explanation - many successful businessmen, managers, specialists in various fields, who have reached professional heights and recognition, happily relax in the evenings in clubs and at parties, dancing with or without their companions.

Many people confuse total control with influence, believing that a male leader has the right and even should control others. In fact, a real man should be fair, not authoritarian. Control can be different, and authoritarianism is an example of poor quality control.

What kind of women do men like?

Not only women, but also men have their own ideals. Knowing which women are preferred by the representatives of the stronger sex, the question of how to please a man will easily be resolved.

Appearance. For a real woman, as well as for a real man, hair color or extra 2 cm at the waist does not really matter. But this is only later, when you become not just loved, but almost dear. But at the first meeting and choosing a companion, they are "greeted by their clothes." More precisely, also for hairstyle, grooming of hands, skin, makeup. Do you want to interest the man you like? You have to look the part.

The main thing in the appearance of a real woman, as in a real man, is grooming and harmony of the image. Not knowing how to please a man, women sometimes begin to abuse short skirts. Examine yourself critically in the mirror: if you have even a shadow of doubt that your legs look stunning, look for a skirt or dress that is more authentic.

Mind. Only a smart woman will like a man and be able to win his love. She is capable of being an interesting and conversationalist and a wise friend. No diagnostic tests are needed for a real man: he will immediately feel that there is something to talk with you about.

Equilibrium. Do you think a quarrelsome, grumpy and nervous woman can please a man? Women who raise a scandal over trifles, "nag" their loved one about and without him, do not cause men to desire to protect and preserve them. Regardless of what social status a real man occupies in society and at work, be a support and support for him.

The bitch image that has been cultivated in recent years is suitable for relationships without commitment, but not for serious relationships. What kind of real man wants to build a lasting alliance with a woman who is constantly lying and cannot be relied on?

Independence. A real woman, like a real man, must be self-sufficient and strong. Such a woman will find something to do in the absence of her beloved, without calling him a hundred times a day. Dependent on men, dependent women eventually become a burden.

Self-sufficient women are liked by men: they do not bother themselves or their beloved with fictional problems, rivals, extra pounds and so on.

Sociability. A kind of test for a real man will be how his beloved leads in the company of his friends. It is very important to join his social circle and be interesting.

Sexuality. Where can we go without her ?! Men like women who are relaxed, who know what they want in bed and are not shy about experimenting.

We have already figured out how to please a man, but what to do if a small future man is waiting for you at home? How to educate him?

What qualities of a real man can be brought up in a boy?

Many parents ask themselves the question: "What qualities of a real man can be brought up in a boy from an early age?" The answer is simple: absolutely all the qualities of a real man are laid in childhood.

Many parents pay attention to what kind of toys their child prefers to play - dolls or soldiers. These are some kind of tests for real men - boys. Moms and dads start to worry if the kid often picks up gnomes than cars, likes to comb dolls' hair and, in their opinion, plays on the railway not recklessly enough, in their opinion. There is no need to worry about this: children learn about the world, and what kind of toys the child chooses is not at all the basis for any far-reaching conclusions. If he likes dolls and satisfies his curiosity, it won't do any harm.

To raise a real man:

• teach him to admit his mistakes;
• give more independence;
• accustom him to responsibility - let him have responsibilities around the house;
• enroll it in a sports section or dances, where they educate fortitude and discipline;
• invite the child to make his own choice;
• don't be afraid to hug him and say how you love him.

In most cases, the cause of problems with children is their parents. And you need to educate not only the child, but also yourself. The child, like a sponge, absorbs everything that it sees. Including how the mother relates to the father, and the father to the mother. And what he sees is remembered much stronger than beautiful, but unsupported words.

The correct upbringing of his son will help him at school and university, and then at work, to get the status of a real man.

What is he, a real man - a dream of women, a reliable friend and just a decent person. It turns out that the ladies and the gentlemen themselves have a slightly different idea of ​​the qualities that the ideal representative of the stronger sex should be endowed with. For example, women often confuse this concept with "ladies' man". Therefore, it is easier to use the characteristics that psychologists have awarded the hero.

Signs of a real man: 9 essential qualities

Once upon a time in primitive times and during the period of the feudal system, endurance, strength, and the ability to assert the status of a leader served as the defining qualities. Over the past millennia, the picture has changed, but not too much.

According to psychologists, a real man should have the following qualities:

1. You must have a sense of responsibility, the ability to be responsible for your words and deeds;
2. An excellent quality is the ability to admit one's own wrong, as well as sincerely ask for forgiveness;
3. It is worthwhile to accurately formulate goals and not rush from side to side in search of a suitable occupation;
4. No need to be "Ladies' man", but gallantry should be shown in relation to the beautiful half of humanity;
5. The rules of a real man should include a rare quality - the ability to compromise, to look for a solution in a dispute that is acceptable to both parties;
6. Naturally, a modern hero must possess such qualities as courage, honesty, courage;
7. One of the signs is the hard work required to create a certain status and constant development of the personality;
8. Ability to express feelings and understand how people around them are feeling;
9. You need to be a support for the family, a person capable of supporting dear people morally, financially and physically.

Myths and misconceptions

There are not many items on the list of qualities of a real man. However, it is incredibly difficult to find a worthy representative of the stronger sex who fully complies with all of the listed characteristics. Although, sometimes women make clearly exaggerated demands on their chosen ones.

For example, tears are believed to be a sign of cowardice. In fact, the ability to cry is an emotional component that does not depend on courage.

Many men cry when they regret their losses.

But this does not mean that a person is not able to perform a truly heroic act.

By the way, it is precisely this quality, the inability to cry, that doctors explain the relatively short life of the so-called representatives of the stronger sex. Unlike women, they suppress emotions, which leads to constant stress.

Another woman's mistake is the belief that a man should be silent. In a purely male company, you can hear a lot of gossip concerning neighbors, mutual acquaintances, and wives. It’s even strange that gossip is considered a woman’s prerogative. The status of a real man in the company is often emphasized by the ability to drink "bitter", often without eating and practically not getting drunk. I wonder how the characteristics of the organism are combined with the character? And why a person who deliberately adheres to a sober lifestyle cannot be considered a real man?

The list of signs often contains an inability to dance. It turns out that a great dancer definitely cannot become an ideal. Apparently, this prejudice arose due to the prevalence of homosexual relationships among professional ballet dancers.

However, you should not equate any clumsy dork with the ideal and consider it unworthy of the title. "Real man" a person who can move gracefully.

It is also believed that the qualities of a real man include imperiousness, authoritarianism. In fact, the desire to subjugate and constant control over others is rather a sign of uncertainty, the desire of a person to assert himself in his own righteousness, to prove the right to a leadership position.

A real man does not need to prove his own advantages.

His justice and willingness to bear responsibility for wrong decisions is much higher than the pathetic attempts of tyrants who assert themselves at someone else's expense.

How to Become a Real Man: A Guide to Action

In order for a boy to turn into a real man, it is advisable to educate in him the necessary qualities from childhood. And mothers play a big role in upbringing.

Often a woman, raising her son, seeks to protect him from dangers, shielding him from the influence of the world around him, fencing off with a dense wall, imposing her own convictions. As a result, a person grows up who is unable to correctly assess the situation, since he is unfamiliar with the realities of modern life.

To avoid the birth of another "mama's son", more attention should be paid to the education of such qualities:

• the ability to admit mistakes;
• independence;
• responsibility;
• discipline;
• ability to make choices;
• love.

Discipline, independence and responsibility are often developed in children who play sports. However, the feeling of love cannot be instilled by sports activities. So that an adult man does not hesitate to express his feelings, the mother should love the little boy, giving him more tenderness. In this case, an adult man will be able to understand and appreciate the feelings of loved ones, including the only woman with whom he will have to create his own family.

It is a pity that nowadays not every guy enters the army. Once a two-year service was considered a school for the education of real masculine qualities, such as courage, honor, fortitude, responsibility for the life of comrades. However, simple advice on how to develop the qualities inherent in real men can become an excellent help.

Since childhood, we hear the phrase "real man", and almost every woman has her own idea of ​​him, and if you ask her, she will gladly list many qualities and virtues that he should have. Moreover, the list of its merits is often endless, and half of them contradict each other. But what really is the essence of men, few of the ladies can say for sure. This philosophical question worried people throughout the development of civilization. Various philosophers and thinkers expressed opinions on their own account, but one thing is clear: all the qualities and criteria of a real man directly depend on the time and place where he lives. And the greatest influence on the development of the qualities of a real man is the upbringing of parents. Therefore, the father is responsible for giving the child the right example and explaining why it is right and good to be like that, and the mother is hoping that she will allow her child to become a strong and independent person. And of course, a guy, having become an adult, must constantly develop and take care of himself, commit deliberate, deliberate actions and always strive to be better.

Qualities

A real man must have the basic qualities that make him so. Among the opinion polls of women and the conclusions of psychologists, a basic list of character traits that are inherent in men with a capital letter appeared.

Of course, for each of the fair sex, they may differ due to preferences, worldview and upbringing, but still there are those traits that everyone notices and appreciates.

Masculinity

This quality forms the basis of that, First of all, it is a combination of fortitude, honor, nobility and courage. These qualities have been appreciated since the Middle Ages. And, undoubtedly, they are an important criterion in assessing a man. But unfortunately, this trait is very rare in our time.

Courage

This is also an indicator of a real man, because he must be courageous not only for himself, but also for his woman. With the current upbringing, many guys do not have this quality at all and in case of danger they seek protection from their wife or mother, but this is wrong. A real man should be brave.

And it doesn't matter in what way it manifests itself: in the ability to protect your beloved from bullies or in speaking in front of colleagues at work. A confident person can boldly overcome any difficulties.

A responsibility

Taking responsibility is not an easy job. In fact, in human psychology there is a mechanism to transfer it to others. For example, I am not looking for a job because we do not have a normal job in our country. But if you look at the situation realistically, then this is just an excuse for their unwillingness to take responsibility. The essence of a man is that he is responsible for providing for the family, fatherhood and difficulties that a woman cannot cope with. After all, he is responsible not only for himself, but also for his family, children. A real man will never shift responsibility.

Honesty and decency

This is another trait of a man with a capital letter. Only by being honest with himself and with his woman can a man be considered real. He must have the strength to speak the truth and not hide anything, even if this truth puts him on the wrong side.

Any person, being a man with a capital letter, will not cheat on his woman, commit immoral acts. He respects his elders, loves animals, and values ​​his loved ones. He will always help if he sees that a person needs his help.

Hard work and kindness

This is the character trait that distinguishes a real man from a lazy man. A hardworking man not only achieves success at work, but also supports the household. If a representative of the stronger sex does not possess this quality, he turns into a child or even worse and requires attention and care to himself, doing nothing at the same time, well, or doing, but in such a way that it would be better not to take it. Therefore, the essence of a man is to be hardworking, develop and go forward, supporting his woman. In turn, it is kindness that will allow him to communicate well with his family.

Mind

Only having a mind can you achieve something in this life, provide financial support to your family, solve everyday issues, and just cope with problems. There is such a phrase "a man is a head and a wife is a neck", and so, a wife should guide her man, but he must make important decisions in the family.

And by doing this without the participation of the mind, you will not go far and nothing good will come of it. It is very important for a man to have his own opinion, to be able to independently decide what to do in a given situation, and not blindly follow the advice.

Sense of humor

Humor helps turn most of life's situations into a positive one. He is simply necessary for a real man, because he must conquer a woman and get out of different situations without turning them into tragedies. Also, a lack of sense of humor can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. For many women, the essence of a man is precisely that he can make them laugh. In addition, stupid jokes repel a person, cause discomfort during communication.

Attractiveness

A woman should admire her man, and his appearance is far from last. In fact, it doesn't matter how tall a man should be or what color his hair should be, the main thing is that his woman admires him. Only an alluring, well-groomed, "magnetic" man, according to many ladies, can be considered real. A woman should be attracted to a man, and this is not about cuteness, but about real masculine features, thanks to which she will feel pleasant and safe.

A man with a capital letter

Of course, a real man should have all the qualities listed above, but this is not at all the main thing. It is important that he understands his essence and purpose and appreciates his beloved. The role of a man is to protect, protect and support. Naturally, the influence of the West and the modern rhythm of life, where women are practically at the level of men in terms of employment, career growth, and so on, has led to the fact that it is very difficult to meet a real man. Of course, men will say that there is no ideal and it is simply impossible to be like a model in everything, but, in fact, it is the willpower, the desire and the ability to combine all these qualities, and most importantly, to love your woman, respect her and support her. distinguish a man with a capital letter from an ordinary person.

In addition, in our modern world there are very few real men due to upbringing, fathers do not set a worthy example, and mothers too protect their sons, until the last they let the chick out of the nest, thereby depriving him of the opportunity to learn to fly. And by the age of 30, these birds fly out in search of a woman who will replace him with his protective mother, who always decided for him how to live, how to think and other everyday problems.

Ideal

Nowadays, it is very difficult to determine what the ideal should be. The willfulness, diversity of characters and interests are very different from past preferences. And if at the very beginning the main qualities were the ability to kill a mammoth and drag it to the cave, now the representatives of the stronger sex have much more functions. Again, quite recently, women appreciated strength and confidence in men.

Now commercialism and cynicism prevail in modern society. And most women find it more convenient to live with weak, insecure boys who are easy to command and manipulate. In recent years, the concept of the ideal of a man has been transformed, supplemented and modified. But everyone has their own tastes and preferences. And first of all, a man must be a person capable of making independent decisions, he has the right to make mistakes, but he has no right to fear of responsibility.

At all times, men have been a support for women, and it does not matter how much weight a man should have or how much he walks in a suit, the main thing is that a woman can rely on him. So that next to him she would feel the most beautiful, desired, protected and self-confident.

A real man should be ...

1. Solid

A real man must have a strong character. Otherwise, how can he ensure the well-being of himself and his family? Only a man with a strong spirit can make a strong-willed, responsible decision and defend his point of view.

2. Movable

Not only in terms of physical activity, (although this too), but also in terms of mental mobility. He knows how to make a quick and wise decision, he always strives for something more, he knows how to analyze life situations.

3. Strong

Even if he did not come out in height, he will still go to the gym and engage in natural data to the best of his ability. A weak man will not be able to protect his children, he will not be able to carry his beloved in his arms, and he will not even be able to help push a friend's car that does not start (a real man always has his own car in perfect condition).

4. Purposeful

He must have clear goals in life and, most importantly, he achieves them. In spite of everything, he always goes ahead and takes his own. Failures are not critical for him, tk. he knows what he wants and after falling he always rises.

5. Loving

A real man loves himself, his parents, wife and children. The family is the basis on which his life is built. A real man needs a career and financial success not for show-off, but for a high standard of living of his relatives. He will never allow himself to hit a woman, and if his beloved is crying, he will be able to calm her down and numb her. But not a rag! He will not tolerate groundless scandals, and he himself will not arrange this, he knows how to listen to the interlocutor.

6. Independent and responsible

He will never forget to pick up the child from the kindergarten, and in an emergency he will be able to iron his shirts himself. He takes responsibility for his family and friends, and he treats any occupation (even if it is mowing the grass on his backyard) as if his fate depends on it.

7. Who knows how to cook

"The kitchen is not a place for men!" Is the slogan of losers. A real man will not die of hunger if his wife leaves for a week to visit her mother. On the contrary, for the arrival of his beloved, he will prepare a delicious dinner and buy her favorite wine. But in everyday life, a woman should cook.

8. Neat

He does not throw his things all over the bedroom, but neatly folds and puts them in the closet (hangs on a hanger). The interior of his car is always clean, and there is not even a hint of a stain on the collar of his shirt.

9. Not drinking

He knows how to enjoy life without alcohol and, moreover, knows the value of his health very well. Who needs alcoholics these days?

10. Various

And now the most important thing. Every woman has her own idea of ​​a real man. For some, a bald, plump alcoholic will be the ideal (although unlikely, but who knows). But believe me, men, you are trying to be “real” not for “her”, but for yourself! Even if you find the only one that loves your stale underwear, this is not a reason to wear it for three weeks in a row!

Think about your lifestyle and try to change it for the better.

What should a real woman be like? !