Young Lover: Fashion or Natural Desire? Relationship: Young lover: the pros and cons of such a relationship

Love for all ages. When a feeling bursts into your life, it does not look at your passport, does not look back at your social status. Sometimes it just kicks down the door and then makes you dance to its tune. If love has come into your life, it can be turned into happiness and a problem. Especially if your loved one is five, ten, fifteen years younger than you. The age difference can be an obstacle, but if you are confident in your feelings, this difference is just numbers.

You, He and ... the age difference

If the beloved man is younger than you and has not yet acquired expensive toys and prestigious work, this is not a reason to send the novel to the shelf, code-named "hopeless." This is a reason to think about it and realize that such a relationship can bring a lot of bonuses. The main thing is to build them correctly.

Yes, build. If you think that by talking with a young lover you can finally relax and unwind, this is a cruel delusion. An affair with a young man is just as painstaking, difficult work as a relationship with a peer or an older man. You will have to weigh words and deeds, be gentle and passionate, strong and weak, experienced and naive. In short, to be the best. For him.

So, we know that the age of love is not a hindrance, that if she wants a woman can remain young and beautiful for a very long time, there would be a desire ... and means. Today we are not afraid to follow the fashion, take care of ourselves, do not look back at the age. We do not try to put on a greasy robe and dot our head with curlers, we are constantly in good shape. If so, why be surprised that, along with other attributes of a beautiful life of a successful woman, there is also male attention. Including the enthusiastic looks of young people who cannot be fooled - they see a well-groomed beauty with breathtaking legs and a sparkling smile. They don't look at her passport when they fall in love.

Relationship with a young lover: building love

When a Relationship begins, the first nuances appear, there are some problems, we start to bother. They creep up their own complexes, other people's advice, good / unkind. To prevent this from happening, take note of a couple of important details.

At first, if the age difference worries you, do everything so that she does not put pressure on him. In no case do not share with him your worries about “what will people think”. If you can distract yourself from the constant remorse, it will become much easier to have fun. Both you and him.

Secondly, do not try to appear before him in the role of a teacher, wise with rich life experience. You may want to teach the "boy" wisdom: make him a tiger in bed, a tycoon - in business, the best gentleman and a real gentleman - in any conditions. The sad experience of many women suggests that it is not a "boy, but a husband" that can be raised at will, but there is one "but". Raising a man for yourself, you run the risk of dazzling "Galatea", which at the end of "training" will want freedom. Where does this black ingratitude come from? Of human nature, oddly enough. Psychologists keep repeating that by doing good to a person, we begin to relate to him even better. When good is done to us, we take it for granted. Therefore, no matter how paradoxical this may sound, let him teach you!

Let him learn to roller-skate, eat vanilla ice cream in the night cinema, certainly at the “kissing places”. Let him teach you how to fly a kite or play Line Age. Let him teach anything, and you will be a diligent student and change him too - gradually, carefully, so that you don’t guess.

It is important to understand that a wise woman will not pick up a pointer to help her lover comprehend the Kama Sutra. She will make sure that the young man realizes his importance and significance, does not feel like an errand boy.

Thirdly, men remain boys until old age. They change toys, grow beards, they do not pull the girls by their braids, but take them to restaurants, but the child inside does not give up.

Therefore, do not become a victim of a dangerous delusion: if relationships with peers do not work out, you need to switch to those who are younger and more inexperienced. Such a change in the “age selection criteria” is not a guarantee of a happy union. To build a harmonious relationship, it is important to remember that a person at 40 years old can remain a boy, and at 18 - be a real man. In any set, the age of a loved one will not help if you cannot find an approach to both the masculine principle and the inner child.

You're older? Good deal!

Recommendations for the "exploitation" of a young lover are simple. The main thing is to be yourself, learn patience and value your betrothed not for his age or career achievements. If you value your companion for him, that is, truly love, the union will be happy.

In addition, an affair with a young man has a lot of "bonuses". Here are just the most obvious ones. Romance, this time. He will most likely cherish you. He is still a romantic, almost not a cynic, he can still be a knight, a real one. In addition, the young man seems to bring you back to your youth again. Such experiences are dear, believe me.

Sex is two. We all know about the peak of male sexuality. About the women's peak - too. So it turns out that from the point of view of sexual compatibility, a couple where a man is barely 20, and a woman is thirty with a "tail", is ideal. By the way, in bed, you should not demand from him strict observance of a certain number of rules and a march in his favorite poses. Better to choose a clever tactic of kind (but unobtrusive!) Advice.

The secret of health and beauty is three. A woman who is dating a young man looks young. It's like hormone therapy, only much nicer. Such a woman is happy with herself, happy with life and ... desirable. The more men dream of you, the more men will soon join them. And if the lover is young and hot, then there will be so many enthusiastic looks that you can even get a little confused.

By the way, there is also a "bonus": you yourself will not notice how you begin to take care of yourself with redoubled energy. You will find somewhere a gym membership, your feet will lead you to a solarium and a manicure. Even the wardrobe will be magically renewed: things that you were afraid to afford before will start in it. Now everything is possible. A relationship with a young lover is indeed a carnival: you sparkle, fate brings new surprises, and most importantly, he is near. All ages are submissive to love, love will find its way everywhere, you just have to not be afraid and look at your passport less often.

The notion that women prefer more mature men is not outdated, but well founded. After all, when we are in adolescence, there are good reasons for choosing a more experienced partner - boys grow up later than girls. Even when we turn 20, our choice still stops at older young people: they are better off, they probably already have a car, an apartment, and besides, you can talk with them about something other than computer games and sports. But after a while, the situation changes dramatically.

Increasingly, modern women are delaying the time of creating a family and having a child whenever possible. And this, in turn, leads to a shift in the age range towards an adult woman, and not a man. If in 1963 only 15% of married couples had a woman older than a man when they first got married, then in 1998 their number increased to 28%. Over the same period, the number of marriages where a woman was six or more years older than a man doubled. At the conclusion of the second marriage, the brides are most often older than the grooms.

To a large extent, the current situation is connected with the improvement of the material situation and the independence of women, we simply stopped needing men as we did before. Plus, young lovers can deliver much more pleasure in bed, because men reach their peak of sexual activity at age 19, that is, ten years earlier than women.

Now, thanks to a change in views on traditional marriage (when a man is older than a woman), married couples have the opportunity to achieve complete sexual harmony in marriage.

The choice of a mature husband in favor of a young beauty should not greatly affect adult women who dream of having a child. Of course, it's a shame, but according to recent studies, not only women have a biological clock, but also men. It used to be that everyone thought that men could be suppliers of healthy sperm at least all their lives, but it turned out that after 24 years, men have a 3% drop in their ability to conceive a healthy child by 3%. So, and here it makes sense in a new relationship with a man younger than you.

Moreover, researchers have shown that it is older fathers who owe their children schizophrenia. After analyzing 700 thousand people, scientists found that 15% of cases of schizophrenia are observed in people whose fathers have already celebrated their 30th birthday by the time of conception. New York studies have shown that, compared with 25-year-old fathers, 50-year-old fathers have a 3 times higher risk of having a child with this disease.

So scientists have found a way to calm women who postpone the birth of their first child until better times. Get an education, travel, make a career, and when you realize that you are ready to become a mother, find a young father for your child. If, in addition to a healthy father for your child, you want to get a good lover, give preference to a man who is at least six years younger than you. In addition, then the number of widows will decrease (after all, men die earlier than women, no matter how sad it may be).

By the way, a young man nearby may well awaken a subdued interest in life, in concerts and parties, and high-quality regular sex will affect your appearance!

SEXOLOGIST COMMENTARY

Alexey Mikhailovich Zudin

Candidate of Medical Sciences, Leading Officer of the Department of Vascular Surgery and Angiosexology, Moscow Medical Academy named after THEM. Sechenov

Today, more and more often there are couples in which the woman is noticeably older than her partner. If we consider this situation from the point of view of the physiological and sexual maturity of partners, then we can say that it has serious science-based facts.

Female sexuality reaches its apogee at about the age of 35-40 years, male sexuality - at 20-30 years. In terms of their sexual needs and capabilities, an adult woman and a young man are on an equal footing. Therefore, a young lover gives her more pleasure than a peer or older man. And this is the most important thing in such a relationship. Comfort in sexual life brings a woman and psychological calm.

Although in reality the situation often looks quite different. Often a young lover changes his adult passion to the right and to the left, but, one way or another, the scenes of jealousy in this situation for a woman is a continuation of her “youth”. And this means that all emotions pass for her under the plus sign. A plus can be considered the fact that usually young lovers are most often very active in bed. For them, there is nothing inaccessible or forbidden. An adult partner, usually on an offer to replace traditional sex, for example, with anal sex or make love in a car, can not only refuse, but also assume that someone taught you this. A man's thinking is arranged in such a way that we perceive female activity as something indecent and unnatural. Although in our fantasies, women are usually proactive. But in reality, we still believe that the mothers of the family are impermissible for this kind of "perversion". Therefore, a young lover is a guarantee of the absence of boredom and monotony in bed.

But for every plus, there must be a minus. Adult women who have a young lover should remember that their sexual activity will not last forever, this time period, unfortunately, is not long (about 5-10 years). Over time, your libido will begin to fade, gradually fading away. Of course, it can be extended - sports activities, proper nutrition and medications will help maintain sexual desire at a level. Therefore, when starting a young lover, think positively, and you will learn to enjoy what you have!

Even the most exciting and brilliant romance that flares up between a mature woman and her young lover is often clouded by a cloud: when a woman is older than a man is younger, she begins to torment herself with the thought that sooner or later the young lover will leave her.

Why Young Men Prefer Older Women

According to family psychotherapist Ekaterina Kalieva, “the fear of an imminent breakup increases anxiety and lowers self-esteem.

And this will certainly affect the quality of the relationship. They become less warm and sincere, more distant.

If a woman is older than a man is younger, in such a relationship the partner may indeed start looking somewhere on the side for something that he lacks in the family. That is, as we can see, the age difference has nothing to do with it: it is fear that has a destabilizing effect. "

The fear of an inevitable breakup is nothing more than a feeling of guilt returned to a woman for allowing herself to have an affair with a young lover.

Try to get rid of this unreasonable fear, put your desire to be next to the chosen one above social stereotypes, especially since they have long been outdated. Drive away unwanted guilt from yourself and enjoy convincing yourself that you have a right to it, no matter what.

Sometimes in a relationship, when a woman is older and her man is younger, she forbids herself to calmly enjoy life and begins to have complexes about what she only needs to enjoy.

Unfortunately, these complexes and doubts often create many unpleasant moments not only for themselves, but also for their young chosen ones: women older than their men deliberately refuse love, and mutual, only because they do not want to "spoil the life" of their young lovers ...

Women's mistakes

The fear of losing a young lover or husband because of the age difference sometimes pushes a woman to commit truly stupid acts. Arranging stormy scenes for their beloved and sorting out the relationship with him, some imprudent persons now and then blame him for doing something or doing this, and not otherwise, only because she is old for him.

At the same time, the woman pursues a certain goal, hoping to make her life partner repeat once again: "What are you, dear, you are not old at all, and I still love you." Perhaps, for the time being, a man will pronounce these words. If a woman is older than a man is younger, the lady's calculation in this case is more than wrong: constantly reminding her beloved of her age, she will eventually convince him that she is really old for him.

Thus, a woman, deliberately undermining her happiness, gradually destroys it with her own hands. So do not provoke your beloved and do not instill in him those truths that will later turn against you and play a cruel joke with you.

Another mistake that a woman makes, who has tied fate with a young man, lies in her attitude towards the chosen one. Many ladies seriously consider their companion to be an unreasonable baby, incapable of independent actions, and try to take care of him in every possible way. What can come of this, let's consider a specific example, when a woman is older, and the man she likes is younger.

Alla turned 36 years old when she married 24-year-old Alexei. She loved her husband so much that she did not allow him to rest from this love. From the very beginning, their relationship was far from ideal.

Alla, being an imperious woman, immediately took on the role of a leader and began literally giving orders to her husband. Alla decided everything for her husband, up to where he should go and with whom to communicate. She came to his office almost every day, so it got to the point that the staff began to laugh at him.

In the end, Alexei also ran out of patience, and he decided to ask his wife not to come to his office. Alla took this request in her own way: deciding that Alexei had a young mistress at work, she made a scene of jealousy.

Since then, stormy showdowns have become regular. Finally, Alexei found a way out of the impasse that had arisen: one day he went on a business trip and met another woman who became his mistress. Without thinking twice, Alexey decided to break off relations with his jealous and quarrelsome half, packed up his things and left her.

What is Alla? She did not understand her own mistakes in the relationship, when the woman is older and the man is younger, and considered herself a victim of treason. In a conversation with a psychologist, the woman concluded: “I always knew that my happiness would not last long. I counted on 10 years - and we spent exactly 10 years together. ”

All the mistakes of Alla, as they say, are on the face. From the very beginning, she took on the role of a vigilant guardian, who did not allow the young man to take a single step to the side. He eventually matured and rebelled. What conclusion should be drawn?

Even if a young man maintains a relationship when a woman is older, and he is younger, or even decided to marry her precisely because he needed a wife and a second mother in one "bottle", there will come a time when an overly obsessive maternal appeal will cause he has a negative reaction.

Why? Yes, because a woman with such behavior suppresses his masculinity, because whatever he may be, he simply needs to periodically prove to himself and to his beloved woman that he is a man.

So, if you want to maintain a long and cloudless relationship, do not teach him how to live and do not help financially. No matter how naive and inexperienced he may be, in your opinion, give him the opportunity to feel like a leader in your relationship, and if you have a legal marriage, then the head of the family.

Even if during your life you have had to sell or buy an apartment more than once, organize a move, make repairs, etc., do not rush to give wise advice, at least sometimes pretend that you understand absolutely nothing about the issue under discussion, and shift his decision onto the shoulders of your chosen one.

Be sure that he will not only justify your trust, but he will also be delighted that he managed to show himself not as a boy, but as a husband.

Alla's second mistake was that she was too vigilant and obsessively watching to protect Alexei from communicating with attractive and younger women than she, and did not let him go anywhere alone.

This is where the effect of the forbidden fruit worked: the more something is prohibited, the more you want it. Therefore, at the first opportunity to escape from the care of his wife, Alexei got a mistress and hurried to go to her.

Of course, when a woman is dating a young man, the relationship must be very thoughtful. Alla, on the other hand, tried to constantly keep her husband near her skirt, and the boy had already grown up, and he was no longer satisfied with such an attitude.

If he had not gone on a business trip, he probably would have tried to find another woman somewhere else. There would be a desire, but apparently, the young man already has it. In addition, Alla herself spurred him on with constant scenes of jealousy, and this is her third mistake.

Perhaps Alexei did not get hung up on the age of his wife, because he decided to marry her. But Alla herself persistently reminded him that she was older than him. As a result, her constant scandals, groundless suspicions that Alexei is cheating on her, and besides, the real torture of love did their job.

Alexei could not stand it all and went to another woman. But he threw not the "old woman", but a hysterical woman and, excuse the rudeness, a woman with a bad character. So do not forget that when a woman is older and a man is younger, constant showdowns and scenes of jealousy are the best way to alienate a man, and age differences do not play a special role here.

A woman is older than a man - psychology of relationships

Often a woman says to herself, “I'm too old for him. When we are together, we look like mother and son. This is terrible!". Indeed, it is not so easy to look younger than a man who is 10 or more years younger than you, nevertheless, if you keep yourself in shape, then it is quite possible to look, although not a peer, but not a lady in age.

In a relationship, a man may say, “Don't worry about your appearance and don't try to look better than you really are. I love you just like that and I will always love you. "

Perhaps these words really come from the very heart, but this is only at the moment. No one knows, even himself, what he will say in 5 or 10 years, when time will clearly imprint its mark on your face and body.

But every cloud has a silver lining. Nothing keeps a woman in good shape like the realization that she, being next to her young companion, all the time needs to look accordingly and be, as they say, on top.

When a woman is older, a man is younger, the constant presence fills the woman with energy and makes her more optimistic about everything that happens. But do not forget that feeling young and being young are two different things.

Convince yourself that not only you, but in general every woman in the world has many potential competitors from among unmarried women who, in principle, can attempt to take your chosen one away.

A confident woman clearly knows that she is the best, so a spouse or lover will not go anywhere from her. Remember that uncertainty gives rise to doubts, the latter cause all sorts of fears to arise, and it is they that make us do stupid things.

If a woman is really happy in marriage, then the likelihood that she will cheat on her husband is extremely small. For this action, women are more often seen who are not satisfied with their personal life in some way, or they simply have lost interest in their partner. If men tend to cheat in pursuit of new emotions, then female psychology is many times more complicated.

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There are many reasons that influence a girl's desire to change, some of them: lack of regular sex, lack of attention and love from her husband, revenge, or just a desire to be convinced of her own worth. In most cases, mature women choose young guys. Such a lover increases the lady's self-esteem and gives her the desired attention.

Reasons for choosing a young guy

In the modern world, after marriage, men devote less and less time to their chosen ones, do not improve relationships and do not want to maintain an idyll in the family. In this regard, girls do not feel welcome and loved. There are a number of specific factors that can push a married woman to cheat:

1. 1. Often, girls say that after several years, romance disappears from the relationship with their spouse. The husband is at work all the time and does not pay due attention and care to his wife. Instead of going somewhere together, he chooses to watch football in front of the TV. This relationship between people gradually alienates them from each other. A woman is often visited by thoughts about dating on the side in order to get rid of eternal loneliness.
2. 2. The older a woman becomes, the more she wants variety in her sex life. And the young lover in this regard is very ambitious and ready for experiments, he has a lot of strength, desire and energy.
3. 3. Husbands rarely think about how much work their wives do on a daily basis. Prepared food, cleaned apartment, washed things - they all take it for granted. In fact, this routine of the same household chores is very exhausting for women. If the spouse does not try to help in any way, to take on some responsibilities, then over time, the girl becomes apathetic. To cope with this condition, she tries to find ways to change her life. In such cases, the lady draws attention to young people who understand everything and are attentive to her.
4. 4. A woman, like no one else, is in great need of care and affection. Her man should be support and support in all situations. And if the husband is not the one with whom you can talk about everything and share the problems, then she is looking for the person who will listen and put up a strong male shoulder.
5. 5. If the husband was the first to cheat, then the woman feels a great desire to take revenge on him in kind, to show all the pain and disappointment that she experienced in this situation. A woman finds a young lover, thereby showing her husband that there are people who are ready to love, appreciate and cherish her under any circumstances.
6. 6. Sincerity is the key to a happy and long-term relationship. And if this feeling is not there, then there is a gradual slow distance between the spouses, they communicate less and do not trust each other. Such "unhealthy" relationships also provoke the emergence of new connections on the side.

Positive qualities of the union

Recently, the topic of married women and young lovers has become quite popular. Psychologists often hear questions about whether it is necessary to communicate with guys who are 10 or more years younger, whether there are common interests and what will come of it. And experts in this field almost unanimously agree that such a difference in age will ideally affect the relationship between partners.

Popular psychologists argue that the dates of birth in the passport mean absolutely nothing, the relationship depends entirely on other factors. There are some positive qualities of such a union.:

• Young lover - more sex. The biological clock of guys coincides with the age of the chosen one, which will help both get maximum pleasure and maintain harmony in intimate life.
• A noticeable and well-known fact that next to a young guy an adult woman turns into a girl - she blooms, becomes younger, prettier, becomes more interesting and attractive.
• In such a relationship, there is no tension associated with plans for the future. Neither an adult, often married woman, nor a young guy wants to tie the knot and have common children. A woman should not be afraid that she will be forced to divorce and many new problems will not fall on her.
• Youth is addiction. Such relationships are most often built according to the lady's scenario. She knows how to achieve what she wants, and a young man, due to his age, unconsciously fulfills all her requirements. The woman gets passion, sex, support and affection.

Feelings of women and lovers

Ladies choose such young lovers without even thinking about why they are so attractive, which makes a woman spend time with a guy who is younger and more naive than herself. There is no special secret that reveals all the cards.

On a psychological level, a girl after 30 years old feels more comfortable with a young guy, because he gives her freedom, is not so demanding, interesting, it is easier to adjust him “for herself”. And not quite mature men are eager to get a new experience, including a sexual one, to feel the full range of emotions associated with a relationship with a husband. In such a couple, true love rarely arises.

A married woman and a young man meet and communicate, spend time comfortably together, do not oblige each other to anything, feel lightness and carelessness. It is for this that the lady finds a lover. A guy, by his actions and deeds, in every possible way increases a woman's self-esteem, she feels needed.

Most women of this age have already taken place both morally, psychologically, and financially. They will not "nag" the lover for the fact that he earns little or does not help around the house, there is no point in making him nervous. Relationships on the side begin to make sure of their sexuality, attractiveness, to feel desired and the only one. This is very important for a girl of any age, and husbands often forget about it, which leads to infidelity.

columnist,
blogger

Why is it not surprising for many when they see a couple with a big age difference, where he is much older than her, but these same many are so annoyed when the couple is older ... a woman? I can’t even call the reaction of people surprise, these are rather mixed feelings - envy or disgust. Why? Because everyone is used to seeing a balding man hugging a young model with prominent breasts? “It's clear,” you say. - He gave her money, furs and diamonds, and she gave him sex with an elastic girlish body and an escort to social events. That is, clear and normal?

And when an aged woman brings out a young lover, it is shock and nonsense. Why is it okay for men, but we can't?

Let's see if it's good or bad to have a partner 15–20 years younger than you, without moralism and hypocrisy.

What gives a woman a young lover?

I even have an example, my friend Irina. She is a 40-year-old businesswoman. The husband, an institute professor, simply ran away from a strong woman. And he was not particularly interested in sex - he spent days at the institute. The lacy underwear remained sadly gathering dust in the closet.

Ira, all such a fit and slender blonde, went to networking to make useful acquaintances during a business forum. And the startuper Pasha really sunk into her soul. Pasha's eyes were shining! The 25-year-old handsome man made compliments delicately and was generally very nice. And Ira so much lacked human communication and the feeling of being just a woman, and not an eternal problem solver.

Spinning up - mom do not cry! Ira did not tell anyone for two months, so as not to frighten off happiness. Amazing sex and passion overshadowed all doubts. Finally, you could get your hands on lace outfits and use all the sexy techniques from the women's courses! Pasha appreciated all this and tried to pay in the same way.
But Ira's friends did not understand: “Everyone has husbands, a full-fledged family, a cozy home, and you are still playing! He will suck the money out of you and throw it away. Who will need you later? "

As a result, Ira abstracted herself from her friends and relatives, Pasha is still with her, but she does not want to marry him. Sometimes he helps with money and connections, but he, in my opinion, is really in love. Why not?

Why can't I judge women who have young lovers? I see a lot of benefits for both women and their comforters.

pros

Experts correctly say that the peak of a woman's sexuality is from 40 to 45 years old. Among peers, libido is already decreasing by this age, and young guys with all their bodies are aimed at sex. Another plus is self-confidence, psychological resources for new victories in work and prolongation of beauty and youth.

Minuses

Of the minuses of such relationships, only public condemnation and the likelihood that the fellow will leave. But who cares now what others say about him? And women at this age are aware that a young lover will not stay with them for a long time, unless, of course, they are the owners of factories, houses, ships.

It's just some extra time for women's happiness. They live beautifully "Indian summer" of their libido and increase self-esteem, tarnished by age and wrinkles that have appeared. And what's wrong with that?