I quickly get used to what to do with people. Solving problems with attachment and love addiction

04.07.2019

Human habituation is a process that happens incredibly quickly, while withdrawal is characterized by a long period of time and soreness. Attachment, which psychologists also call, can disrupt the perception of reality, deprive a person of will. This feeling seems to bind and hold a person, completely depriving him of independence. Losing connection in the process of parting, a person seems to be deprived of support, it is time to regain autonomy. Today we propose to talk about how to get rid of attachment to a man after melting with him.

Causes of emotional addiction

Before we move on to ways to get rid of attachment, we propose to talk about what addiction is and why it occurs. This term means dependence on a love subject. According to statistics, addiction occurs among both men and women. You can get out of this state only if you are able to understand its true causes. These include the following factors:

dislike in childhood;
strict parental control;
lack of ability and desire to make decisions;
intimate harassment experienced during childhood;
low self-esteem;
fear of loneliness;
obsession with one's own shortcomings and underestimation of merits;
mental trauma;
unpreparedness for a mature relationship;
desire to obey.

So how to overcome all these problems, how to get rid of excessive attachment to a man? Let's try to figure it out!

Fighting attachment

The state of attachment to the person you love is similar to nirvana, this feeling gives true pleasure. And of course, this feeling is just as difficult to part with as it is with a loved one. When parting, there is a feeling of loss of oneself and the unbearable pain of loss. Can you stop getting attached and try to become a self-sufficient person? Psychologists say: you can protect yourself, preserve your own individuality and get rid of addiction. Experts give a number of tips that will help not only overcome feelings of attachment, but also prevent depression, which can cause a breakup with a partner.

Close the door to the past

The first thing to do after you part with a person is to acknowledge the fact that the past, no matter how beautiful and rosy it may be, cannot be returned. It is necessary to let go of it, cross it out, take the break in relations for granted. Psychologists say that over time, you will even like the feeling of freedom, independence.

More communication

Answering the question of how to get rid of attachment to a man, psychologists say: any concentration on a specific person always leads to dependence on him. Defeating addiction is possible only by communicating with different people. In this case, your thoughts and feelings will be divided among everyone with whom you spend time. New people are always new opinions, bright emotions and new information. Such communication will certainly broaden your horizons and allow you to look at many things from a completely different perspective. Of course, talking about a new relationship in an attempt to get rid of love experiences is impossible, but the void that has formed inside must be filled.

Cheerfulness

How to get rid of attachment to a man? In psychology, there is one effective remedy: you need to tune in to a positive mood. Always look to the future with hope for the best, but be prepared for different scenarios. You shouldn't be intimidated by setbacks and difficulties. Each victory over life's circumstances brings experiences that will make you stronger and wiser. Be sure to find joyful feelings within yourself, and release them more often. Psychologists say: you can learn to enjoy everything, even good weather. If life does not spoil you with pleasant events, organize them yourself! Fill your every day with miracles and happy moments, laugh more, entertain yourself. Over time, you will definitely get used to smiling.

Meditation

Love has passed, the relationship has ended, people have dispersed, but the habit of seeing a loved one nearby remains for a long time. How to get rid of painful attachment to a man who has become a stranger? Relationship psychology recommends learning to meditate and pray. Through the acquisition of such skills, you will learn how to relax, feed yourself with energy and strength on your own. That is, you no longer have to look for people who will share their energy with you.

Hobby

Psychologists say: having rediscovered oneself, a person not only ceases to be attached to people, but also becomes a person - self-sufficient, interesting for others. How can you discover something new in yourself? You need to develop talents and try extreme. Be sure to find a hobby, the hobby can take not only your hands, but also your head. Over time, you will learn to enjoy handicrafts or sports, collecting items or cooking. This will gradually weaken your painful attachment to your man. Try yourself as a volunteer, do charity work. Look around: the world is full of people and animals who are experiencing difficulties. Helping those who are weaker will make you feel strong and needed.

Change of occupation

A setting where everything reminds you of your ex will not get rid of the addiction as quickly as you would like. In the same way, you will be influenced by traditional activities, rituals that you have done together day after day. What to do? How to get rid of attachment to a man and everything connected with him? Change your habits! If before you got up at seven in the morning, had breakfast together and went to work, start getting up half an hour earlier, go for a run or do exercises, completely change the menu. The time for bold experiments has come in your life. And by the way, do not forget to remove from your home anything that brings up memories of the past: gifts and photographs, things that you bought together. The idea of carrying out repairs is also quite good.

Search for impressions

At the moment of separation and for some time after it, only your ex-man is the source of your pleasant memories. How to get rid of emotional attachment to him? New emotions can be a source of inspiration: doing something you have never done before will give you food for thought in the near future. You can visit another country, sign up for home economics lessons, start dancing or doing handicrafts.

All these activities will help to distract yourself, increase your self-esteem, and change the direction of your thoughts. In addition, an active life will certainly bring a lot of new acquaintances, one of them can become fateful. Psychologists say: if you failed to build a relationship with your ex-man, it means that somewhere ahead of you your loved one is waiting for you. Don't waste your energy on fruitless memories, save time, and don't live in the past.

Lack of aggression

Speaking about how to get rid of attachment to a man, one should also say about the desire to take revenge on the offenders. Remember, these thoughts bond you even more to your ex. Do not under any circumstances consider how bad he is and how he will pay for his actions. All emotional ties need to be cut off. In no case do not engage in such nonsense as petty mischief: do not spread gossip about him among your acquaintances. The fact is that in the first place it can become a stone in your garden, because it was you who were for a long time with this scoundrel. Do you want to tell him about all the wrongs he has done? Do it, however, not in person, but on paper. Write a letter in which you tell your ex-man what you think of him. Write and then burn.

Plans for life

Sometimes, being in a relationship, women paint themselves a wonderful fairy tale about how their life will be arranged. Even seeing any inconsistencies, they manage to adjust reality to their own scenario. This is why the feeling of annoyance is so strong when something goes wrong. Of course, thoughts of separation and depression were hardly part of the original plans. That is why women have questions: "How will I live without him?", "How to get rid of attachment to a man?" The answer to the questions is given by psychologists: you will live magnificently and happily. The main thing is to remember that the young ladies, whose eyes are swollen from tears, offended and angry, happiness does not come. Continue making plans for life after breaking up - despite your worries and depression. Be sure to believe that your real happiness will take place!

There is no love without attachment, but not all attachment is a sign of love. How to get rid of attachment to a person if besides it there are no more feelings left?

Attachment to inanimate an object or phenomenon of the world (things, home, habits) is recognized as such. If a person says: “This is my favorite jacket,” both him and those around him will understand that this is not love, but affection.

It is much more difficult, and sometimes it is simply impossible to distinguish love on your own. to a person from attachment to him. Unless attachment to another person is a symptom of some kind of mental disorder (such as Adele's syndrome), it is difficult to find a clue that would indicate that attachment has become excessive.

Getting rid of attachment is even more difficult. Even realizing that a relationship cannot be called love in any way and it would be worth breaking the “vicious circle” long ago, it is not easy to do it. When a person is attached, it is as if something is holding him back against his will.

How often people confuse love and love addiction! You can live for years in delusion, and once waking up to understand that all this time there was a stranger nearby, but who became a "drug" without which it is impossible to live.

Strong love affection is like any other dependencies(from alcohol, nicotine, gambling and computer games, etc.). Another person becomes an object of dependence, because he is a source of pleasure, satisfies needs, promotes an illusory feeling of well-being, harmony, happiness, or is simply a habit, without which it is difficult to imagine existence. The presence of a loved one next to you becomes that "dose" that is needed every day.

When there is an idea in the mind that without a person life will lose its meaning, and the understanding that sooner or later you will still have to part with him is absent or denied, there is painful attachment.

People are always attached to relatives, friends and loved ones. If there was no affection in love, perhaps there would be no institution of the family, a man and a woman would not consider it necessary to be faithful to each other, mothers would not take care of their children.

Nature itself has ordered so that people get used to and become attached to each other. Everything is not too romantic and even quite prosaic - a person needs to have a connection with his own kind in order to survive and continue the human race.

Everyone wants to be loved, so that there is someone nearby who will understand, support, help, comfort, and to whom you can also give your love.

There is a hormone in the human body that is responsible for tender affection - oxytocin... It is called one of the hormones of calm love. This hormone is an essential element in the formation of the initial mother-child relationship in a woman immediately after childbirth.

Scientists argue that without oxytocin, a man and a woman would end the relationship immediately after the first stage of the relationship (the stage of violent love and passion) has passed, and the child who was born during this period of time was of no use to anyone.

So, attachment to a person should be considered in two forms:

attachment as an integral part of love,
attachment as a painful addiction.

The difference between affection and love

Painful attachment can be characterized as "symbiosis." Symbiosis- a form of relationship in which one partner or both benefit from each other.

Wanting to constantly be close to a partner and doing everything in order to become one with him, the dependent partner forgets about himself.

By getting too attached to someone, an adult loses his individuality. Each partner should have personal space and freedom of action (but not growing into permissiveness). This is beneficial not only for the individual, but also for the relationship. By "merging" with a partner, one can cease to be an interesting person for him, thereby depriving the relationship of development and dooming them to death.

Unlike love, affection for a partner which is an addiction, characterized by:

obsessive thoughts and the desire to be with your loved one all the time;
hobby only for the external data of the partner and physical attraction to him;
inconstancy of interest (a person is sometimes very interesting, sometimes almost indifferent);
the suddenness of the acute sensation of lack of a loved one nearby;
the emergence of obstacles on the path of personal development and growth due to the loss of interest in anything other than the personality of the partner;
an obstacle to the emergence of positive feelings towards other people;
significant narrowing of the circle of communication;
an acute experience of separation, leading to a depressive state;
quarrels for the sake of quarrels, and not for the sake of finding compromises and finding a constructive solution to problems;
lack or difficulty of making plans for the future;
focus on meeting their own needs and requirements.

If all thoughts, actions, interests are associated with a loved one, and actions performed "in the name of love" harm the rest of life, we can talk about a deep symbiotic affection.

It should be noted that at the beginning of a relationship (during the candy-bouquet period), the state of obsession with a person is normal and necessary for the emergence of a healthy attachment to him. The only difference is that a loving person "builds" personal relationships into his life, and a painfully attached person replaces it with them.

If you are unlucky enough to become attached to the wrong person, we recommend reading the books by I. Korchagina “Forget him in 8 days! How to get rid of attachment to the wrong man and find happiness ”and“ How to get over unhappy love ”

Fighting attachment

Freeing yourself from attachment to a person is not easy, just like any other addiction. Most likely, it will be hard and painful, and thoughts of returning to the previous model of behavior will haunt.

Sometimes it is difficult to throw away old broken furniture, let alone a weakening of the connection with a person. If this connection only brings harm and pain, it is better to break the relationship altogether. But if the relationship is great, you just need to adjust your behavior and change your way of thinking.

With the problem of painful attachment to a loved one, they often turn to psychologists. An experienced specialist will help you understand the problem and help resolve it. You can try to get rid of attachment to a person on your own.

Tasks that you need to put in front of you:

become an independent, full-fledged person;
to be in a relationship not because "I can't live without him," but because "I love him."

Psychologists recommend adhere to this order of actions:

Define that attachment is a painful addiction and not just a component of love. This can be done based on knowledge of the signs of attachment.
To find out, which is the object of the dependency. What is in a loved one or what aspect of the relationship with him is that "drug" without which it is impossible to live? We'll have to start slowly limiting ourselves in this. This way you can reduce not only addiction, but also prevent manipulation by the partner. The main thing is not to rush.
Find fear, which makes you "cling" to the person. Answer the question: "Why am I so afraid of losing him?" and work with that fear.
To realize that everything in the world comes, there is nothing eternal and unchanging. A person comes into the world alone and also leaves. You cannot tie a person to yourself, you can only love a person, respecting independence.
To work over inner freedom. Free yourself from chilling fears, stereotypes, self-doubt, reveal the boundaries of possibilities, abilities, choice of actions.

As a rule, all those benefits that, literally and figuratively, a loved one gives, you can:

find in yourself or learn to create on your own;
receive from another person, object, activity, and so on.

But the addict does not see such opportunities, believes that only this partner is the source of benefits, and therefore is afraid of losing it.

Such a blessing, which is seen as vital as air, is usually itself love another man. That is why people who do not love themselves and believe that no one else will love them become very attached to the very first person who falls in love with them or at least talks about love.

If you always look for the source of happiness in the outside world, including in another person, attachment and fear of loss will always arise. Happiness- this is a state of mind, it is inside, not outside. Only such an inner feeling of happiness is everlasting, does not cause dependence, gives freedom, harmony, peace and opens the way to disinterested love.

Practical recommendations will help you understand that you are attached to a satellite.

A girl who is dependent on a man (attached to him) constantly wants to be close to her partner. She is tormented by obsessive thoughts of where and with whom he is.
Eccentric natures are "led" to the appearance of a man. They are fascinated only by his pumped-up torso, white-toothed smile, dimples on his cheeks, and not by the spiritual component. This aspect characterizes attachment, not love.
It is not difficult to distinguish between the two feelings by observing the general condition. If you notice that at first you start to be interested in a man, and the next moment you practically forget about him, this is attachment.
Many girls in relationships experience a lack of love and affection all the time. If you truly love, feelings literally begin to warm from within. Such couples can overcome anything.
A quick observation will help you understand that you are attached to a man. If you give up hobbies, work, and other stages of personal growth, feelings are not love. You immersed (attached) not to your own "I", but to the gentleman.
Attachment is also characterized by a sharp decline in the number of people with whom close contacts were maintained yesterday. Often, a girl cannot experience positive emotions in communicating with friends and colleagues, since she is completely carried away by her betrothed.
As mentioned earlier, love helps to overcome all obstacles without developing depression. Affection, in turn, creates overly negative emotions during separation. Many girls experience tremendous stress when a partner is not around for 2-3 hours.
Distinguishing affection from love will help a sober view of behavior in a quarrel. If you only want to fight and not find a compromise, the relationship is doomed to failure. Well-balanced couples always have constructive dialogues.
If you and a young man do not sit on cozy evenings with a bottle of wine, discussing plans for the future, we can assume that there is no love. Strong bonds mean constant discussions and desires, shared dreams.
Symbiotic attachment is characterized by complete dissatisfaction of their own needs, even the most elementary ones. During this time, the needs of the vampire partner are fully realized.

Important! It should be emphasized that actions a la "I love you!", Performed at the beginning of a relationship, are the norm. In this case, people are still getting used to each other, so attachment is not considered painful, dependent. The main difference is that the lover finds a place in his life for connection, while the attached partner replaces his own being with new relationships.

Attachment is detrimental to the human being. When a girl has violent feelings towards a man, she forgets about herself. This is where problems with personal growth (spiritual and material) begin, apathy and uncertainty appear.

Method number 1. Find a hobby

A hobby is a powerful tool that allows you to find peace of mind in a short time. Go to nature, sit down and think about what you have dreamed of for many years? Have you wanted to go to the gym for a long time, but didn't have enough money? Take the savings set aside for the next present to your partner, go in for sports.
Haven't you flew on vacation for over a year? Get together with your friends, go to Europe for a week. Set goals for yourself, do not stop there. Start attending Spanish or English courses, these languages are among the leaders in speaking and writing in the world.
An excellent option for distraction and complete concentration on yourself is the choice of an active hobby. This includes absolutely everything: snowboarding, skiing, skating, cycling, go-karting, rock climbing, swimming. If you consider yourself to be a brave person, jump with a parachute or rope.
Live for your pleasure, take care of your own well-being, learn to invest in the future. Sign up for popular courses like manicure and pedicure, tailoring and sewing, photography and woodcarving.
At this stage, your main task is to think about yourself and fill the day to the maximum. If you get very tired, thoughts of a man will start to fade into the background.
Get together with friends more often, visit cinemas, bowling, water park. Get in the habit of regularly going out for walks, go out of town for a barbecue, and go on excursions.

Method number 2. Get a pet

As mentioned earlier, feelings of attachment stem from a fear of being alone. The girl directs all love, tenderness and care to the man, forgetting about her own needs. To avoid a disastrous outcome of events, get a pet.
The choice depends on individual preferences. A dog takes time, care and patience. The cat can be at home alone, she also needs affection and constant care. If we talk about parrots, they are funny, talkative and unpretentious.
A new companion will save you from loneliness, especially at first, which is what you need to achieve. It is important to direct your feelings to those who need it. In this case, you will not lose yourself, finding peace of mind.

Method number 3. Travel more

Ask your boss for a vacation. Spend it not with a young man, but with friends or colleagues. You can also go abroad in splendid isolation.
Consider beach resorts if you haven't bathed in the sea for a long time. Lovers of attractions and small streets are advised to purchase sightseeing tours.
You do not need to invest all the money in your vacation, you just need to choose a burning ticket on the Internet, pack your suitcase 3 hours before departure and hit the road.
Many girls do not have foreign passports. In this case, go on a mini-tour of the cities of your country. Visit distant relatives, visit friends in a neighboring city.
Get your camera, take a lot of pictures, print them on arrival and decorate the walls. At this stage, the main task is to find new impressions and inspiration.

Method number 4. Analyze thoughts

Practice meditation. Take a hot herbal bath, play soothing music, close your eyes and relax. Think about what exactly you want to get from your partner? Many people are unable to interpret their own thoughts, which is considered a serious omission.
If you are in harmony with the mind, the answer will not be long in coming. A girl attached to a man fills the spiritual emptiness with her current relationship. She is looking for any ways of addiction, sending herself into shackles voluntarily.
Such an attitude towards a man does not characterize love. Try to fill in the gaps using the other available methods described above. Fight apathy, do not follow the lead of insecurity and boredom.
Many girls want to part with a man, but cannot do this. In such situations, addiction requires the intervention of a qualified professional.

Method number 5. Take care of yourself

It's time to take care of your own appearance. Go to the mirror, evaluate the figure, hair, makeup, smile and posture. Are you satisfied with everything? Maybe you don't like the lack of proper hair and nail care? Or don't you like the condition of your skin, extra folds at the waist? It's time to rectify the situation!
Sign up for a gym or sports school. Consider the interesting sections (again, as a hobby). Latin American dances, breathing exercises, stretching, martial arts, swimming, yoga are considered effective directions.
Revise your wardrobe. Throw in the trash or give your friends the things that don't fit well. Get rid of old shoes, bags, cosmetics. Choose a beautiful outfit, sexy lingerie, high heels. These small purchases will inspire you and make you feel like a woman.
Give meaning to the perfume you are using. It shouldn't be repulsive and harsh. Give preference to light, subtle aromas. Tidy up your hairstyle, dye your hair, change the image.
It is important to understand that investing in your appearance will remind you of the old days when you lived only by yourself. You should always have a bit of selfishness so as not to infringe on your own interests. Make the most of your time by shopping every month.

It is difficult enough to get rid of attachment to a person if it is caused by a number of psychological aspects. First, analyze your own thoughts, learn to say goodbye to people. Invest in your spirituality, look after your appearance. Develop financially, get a pet, travel more.

Video: how to overcome attachment to another person

How to stop getting attached to people?

In fact, attachment to people is very necessary in life. It is only necessary to become attached to the right people. And, of course, these are your parents, brothers and sisters. Friends should always be few and only tested by time and difficult circumstances. And nothing else. Never trust the first people you meet or unfamiliar with. But with all this, do not forget that the more personal you have, the less chance of betrayal.

In order not to get attached to people, you need to love and respect yourself. Because attachment is a kind of weakness. You have to be a self-sufficient person and attachment is not a good feeling. Which fetters and prevents from feeling like a free and light human.

Seeing more in your activities than in people

People change. Or they show themselves not from their best side. They may not treat well after some situations. And this can make your reputation not very good. Even those who were close to you in spirit can harm you.

Find a way and learn to accept others as they really are and that they do not always correspond to what we think of them.

I myself am the same. Even though I hate it. Try to pay more attention to your hobby, and if not, listen to more music. It helps me a little.

There is nothing wrong with feeling "attached" to this or that person. After all, this means that you feel comfortable in his company, that you are not indifferent to his worries and difficulties, that you share with him his joys, worries and sorrows, etc.
In a word, the ability to "get used" to people is a positive trait. And you shouldn't get rid of it. First of all, because the process of such "deliverance" is associated with the development of callousness, indifference to others. And this is already - the negative properties of the human person. For we are all called to help others. Spiritually, materially, physically. By all means available to us. That is possible only in those cases when a person understands and shares the problems of people with whom he has to face. You, judging by the content of your answer, apparently experienced a break with a loved one. either you have a problem with this at all, or otherwise you have experienced severe mental pain. Therefore, you are thinking about how to learn not to let people get too close to you. So that in the future parting is not a trauma for you. But is it possible, having protected the sphere of one's own emotions with an "impenetrable shell", to be friends and love? The answer to this question, I think, is obvious to everyone. Since there is no specific information in your appeal, I don’t undertake to draw conclusions, of course. However, I know from experience that parting with people dear to us is inevitable. Someone leaves for another city or another country, someone for one reason or another turns away from you ... And more. In order to protect oneself as much as possible from "unnecessary" experiences, it is important to learn from the very beginning to correctly assess the possibilities for the development of relations and - kindly, but clearly enough to regulate the emotional distance. In practice, this is expressed in the ability to feel how much another person needs to communicate with you, and, on the other hand, to prevent rapprochement if, in your opinion, it is fraught with unnecessary difficulties. It is not easy to develop such a skill in oneself, but it is necessary. And you will have to acquire this quality on your own. There are no specific "recipes" for this and cannot be ... DRAW CONCLUSIONS)

Do not initially perceive people as friends, it is better to always keep your distance, then it will be easier to part with them.

Tell and adjust yourself that you do not get attached to people, it is people who are attached to you. Treat easier. Communicate, raise your self-esteem and people themselves will want to attach to you.

You see a question that was asked to the Universe by one of the users of the site, and the answers to it.

The answer is either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth, where you can ask for advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" things that you do not know or have not tried.

Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?

The most common model of relationships is a dependent relationship - with a fixation on a partner. We were taught this way - to live differently, to love the other, to idealize the other, to curse the other too ... The focus was always outside, not inside. It's hard for us to think that something is wrong here. And yet, it is the focus on the personality of the other, and not on ourselves, that brings us a lot of suffering and pain. After all, when two people delve into a relationship, it is quite predictable and guaranteed that at a certain moment they will open each other's deepest wounds and press on the most painful points.

What causes our addiction in relationships? And what is she hiding underneath? How “inevitable” is our suffering?

If you smiled and thought "well, this is not about me", do not rush to close the topic. The symptoms of addictive relationships are opaque and insidious, you need purposeful awareness, and the courage to see them in your life. For example, you are thrown into the cold, then into the heat - from the feeling of your own chosenness and superiority to complete self-abasement. Or just about, and there will be a need for approval and support from others in order to feel that everything is going well. Or, from time to time, a feeling of his powerlessness to change anything in the current relationship rolls over, which slowly but surely kill both. Or you often seek salvation in alcohol, food, work, sex, or some other external stimulant to distract from your experiences, the inability to experience a sense of true intimacy and love. Yes, and the role of a martyr is given to you especially gracefully and naturally ... Then take a look, do not be afraid, look in the face of what may have been displaced from your consciousness, which for many years you denied in yourself or even "did not guess" - your addiction.

Features manifestation of addiction:

A person defines who he is (his identity) only through relationships. Without a partner, he does not think of himself at all. In a relationship, it is, as it were, complemented to the whole, but at what cost - by renouncing oneself. He looks at the other as the source of his happiness and fullness of existence. If I am not happy, then he considers the other responsible for it.
A dependent person constantly depends on another person: on his opinion, on his mood, on whether he approved or frowned, and so on.
It is very difficult for addicts to separate themselves from their partner. The loss of a partner is unbearable for them. Therefore, they seek to increase infantile interdependence, not decrease it. They thereby reduce their importance, sabotage their freedom. They also constantly undermine the partner's freedom.
Such people are characterized by the inability to perceive and respect the separateness, uniqueness, "friendism" of a loved one. True, they do not perceive themselves as separate people either. This is the source of much unnecessary suffering. When one person says to another: "I can not live without you",- this is not love, it is manipulation. Love is the free choice of two people to live together. Moreover, each of the partners can live alone.
Addicted people are looking for a couple, thus trying to solve their problems. They believe that a love relationship will cure them of boredom, longing, lack of meaning in life. They hope that their partner will fill the void in their life. But when we choose a mate for ourselves, pinning such hopes on her, in the end, we cannot avoid hatred for the person who has not lived up to our expectations.
Not able to define their psychological boundaries. Addicted people do not know where their boundaries end and where other people's boundaries begin.
Always try to make a good impression on others. They always try to earn love, please other people, wear masks of "goodness". Thus, addicted people try to control the perception of other people. But at what cost - betraying your true feelings, needs.
They do not trust their own views, perceptions, feelings or beliefs, but they listen to other people's opinions.
They try to become necessary for other people. They often play the role of "rescuers".
They are jealous.
Experiencing difficulties with themselves.
Idealize a partner and become disillusioned with him over time.
Not connected with their own dignity and intrinsic value.
Experiencing despair and excruciating loneliness when not in a relationship.
It is believed that the partner must change.

Addiction Is a relationship with fixation on another person.

Adult codependency occurs when two psychologically dependent people establish a relationship with each other. In such a relationship, everyone brings a part of what he needs to create a psychologically complete or independent personality. Since neither of them can feel and act completely independently of the other, they tend to cling to each other as if glued. As a result, everyone's attention is focused on the personality of the other, and not on himself.

Addicted lover strategy

A disproportionate amount of time and attention is spent on the person to whom the addiction is directed. Thoughts about the "loved one" dominate the mind, becoming an overvalued idea. Characterized by obsession in behavior, in emotions, anxiety, self-doubt, impulsivity in actions and deeds, difficulty in expressing intimate feelings. He, as a rule, does not know what he needs specifically, but desperately wants his partner to make him happy (as in a fairy tale: "go there, I don’t know where, bring that, I don’t know what"…).

The love of a dependent person is always conditional! It is mixed with fear, jealousy, manipulation, control, claims, reproaches from unjustified expectations.

There is no trust in such a relationship. Without it, a person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fears, while the other feels like he is in an emotional trap, it seems to him that he is not allowed to breathe freely. Jealousy is present - fear of loneliness, low self-esteem and self-dislike.

The addict is at the mercy of experiencing unrealistic expectations in relation to another person who is in the system of these relations, without criticizing his condition. Expectation is the first, weak form of "demand" ... And demand is, in fact, aggression. Directed - at oneself, at the world, at life, at another person.

A love addict forgets about himself, ceases to take care of himself and think about his needs outside the dependent relationship. The addict has serious emotional problems centered on fear, which he tries to suppress. The fear that is present at the level of consciousness is the fear of being abandoned. By his behavior, he seeks to avoid abandonment. But on a subconscious level, this is the fear of intimacy. Because of this, the addict is unable to tolerate "healthy" intimacy. He is afraid to be in a situation where he has to be himself. This leads to the fact that the subconscious mind leads the addict into a trap in which he chooses a partner who cannot be intimate. This may be due to the fact that in childhood the addict failed, experienced mental trauma while showing intimacy with his parents.

In my understanding, love between two people can take place only when each of them has turned into a spiritually mature person, and it can be truly deep and beautiful only when the relationship comes from freedom.

Love is freedom, but not freedom that does not recognize obligation. Love is responsibility, obligations that you voluntarily observe yourself, and freedom of choice that you give to another person. It is important that our love does not become a suffocation for loved ones. To comply with obligations to a loved one, but at the same time let him breathe freely.

Nobody belongs to anyone! The partner is not my property. He is a person, a soul who has decided to walk the path with you so that together you can grow. It is not always easy to let someone you love go free, but there is no other way. The wisdom of life tells us: the more freedom we give to another, the closer he is to us.

To love is to be there when you need to, and to step back a little when the space becomes too small for two. "When two devastated souls meet, they are immediately tired of each other, their relationship is doomed."(Jigme Rinpoche)

Partners in such close relationships sometimes get closer, then move away from each other during their dance, they are not always psychologically together and can still quarrel and argue with each other, but they do it impartially and with respect for each other's needs and feelings. This becomes possible thanks to trust and conscientiousness.

A relationship of Freedom and Love is fundamental security. When two people learn to be independent, whole, autonomous people, they no longer need to protect themselves from each other, control (themselves and their partner) and manipulate. Love means that the person next to you can be real. He is allowed to be weak, he is allowed to doubt, he is allowed to be ugly, he is allowed to be ill, he is allowed to make mistakes. To love a person more than the actions that he performs. To be the one about whom they know that he will never betray. We love and love just like that, for no reason, because we cannot but love. We love out of abundance, not fear and lack. We love, not to possess, but to give, to give that which overwhelms us.
A relationship of Freedom and Love is always maturity and awareness. This is the deepest work on oneself, first of all. Love is like death. Through the experience of love, a person is reborn for a new life: he dissolves his ego, frees himself from it. Love - I am ready to give up my selfishness.

This is the highest degree of freedom - first of all, internal! When you are free yourself, you respect and value the freedom of your partner. You become the source of freedom ...

"Immature people, falling in love, destroy each other's freedom, create dependence, build a prison. Mature people in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy any addictions. When love lives in dependence, ugliness appears. And when love flows with freedom, beauty appears "(Osho).

If you are in an addicted relationship, your attention is focused on the other person, you only feel happy around him. You are ready for anything to get it, because otherwise your world is empty and gray. If you choose to find inner integrity and maturity, look for a way out and do not find, there is a simple technique - the technique of gratitude!

Take time for yourself. Stay alone with yourself, with your Soul. Ask yourself a few simple questions and answer them sincerely.

What do I thank this man for?

What attracts me to him?

What happens to me while communicating with him?

How are we alike?

Where does it expand me? What can I learn from him?

Why can't I still erase his contact?

What can I leave myself from this connection? Which lessons?

What connects us at the level of the Soul? Why do we both need this connection and this experience?

What is the most valuable thing in my life now thanks to this experience?

How did he protect me when he didn't choose me? What are my good thoughts about him?

What kind of relationship have I become with this person? What in me, which was in the shadow of my consciousness, has found light?
Can I move on on my own? Bless and let him go? Is there love and gratitude in my heart for this person? If not, why not? What's not yet complete between us? How much time do I give myself to complete this? Do I choose to donate another piece of my life to what is already in the past?