Children's laziness: causes and methods of struggle. Capable but lazy child. Why a child can, but does not want to learn

30.08.2019

It's great if your child is a good helper who, without being reminded, cleans up the room, takes out the trash, puts away toys, walks with the dog. However, not all moms and dads are so lucky. Some parents struggle daily with little "lazybones", getting irritated and sometimes breaking into a cry. Where does child laziness come from? How to teach a lazy child to work?

What can be hidden behind the laziness of a child?

Psychologists assure that laziness in children does not appear from scratch. Perhaps you can see the true causes of this annoying behavior if you take a closer look at your baby.

1. Lack of motivation

Remember with what burning eyes the children do what they like. But as soon as adults turn homework into a tedious duty, boring and monotonous chores, the child loses interest, and any activity becomes a burden.

2.Temperament

Psychological characteristics and individual personality traits are what children are born with. The little phlegmatic is slow, but from the outside it seems that he does not want to do anything. However, it is useless to customize it, it will work at its own pace. Choleric kids are sometimes considered lazy, who love to play, but consider cleaning toys a boring task.

3. Self-doubt

Sometimes laziness hides a reluctance to learn something new, a fear of failure. If a child is not confident in his own abilities, shy, psychologically dependent on his parents, he is often afraid of new responsibilities and activities. Even adults do not want to do those things in which they feel unsuccessful. However, they justify themselves, and they label the baby as a lazy person.

4. Overwork

If the daily routine of children is too dense and saturated (kindergarten, development center, swimming pool, dance club), laziness appears due to elementary overwork.

In addition, laziness can become a response to a lack of play and physical activity when parents want to raise a child prodigy. In this case, the child's preschool years are spent in continuous learning, and his needs for games and constant movements are not satisfied. There is a banal psychological fatigue, which smoothly flows into unwillingness to act.

5. Overprotectiveness

Sometimes adults themselves teach kids to be lazy, limiting their independence at an early age. “Why are you taking so long to dig? Let me help", - mothers and grandmothers constantly say and begin to clean up toys for the crumbs, feed, dress him. Of course, the older ones do it much faster and more accurately. However, in this way they develop in the child the habit of waiting for other people to do all the work for him.

So, children's laziness does not appear out of nowhere, most often it is formed, nurtured and nourished by parents and other relatives. By creating "hothouse" conditions that prevent children from making and correcting mistakes, taking the initiative, choosing interesting activities, adults thereby bring up couch potatoes. And yet, one should not despair - there is a way out. In a situation with child laziness, as in solving other pedagogical and psychological problems, prevention is much better than cure.

1. Personal example

Babies learn new things by imitating their parents. If a baby from early childhood sees that mom and dad are not happy with household chores, he will copy their behavior, reacting dismissively to parental instructions in the same way. Therefore, you should not show dissatisfaction with your work in front of children, otherwise you will not be able to instill in a child a love of work.

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2. Encouragement of initiative

Do not strive to fulfill all the responsibilities for your children, give them the opportunity to enjoy independence. This is especially true for three-four-year-old kids, who are especially interested in doing the same thing as their parents. Therefore, forget the words "do not interfere", "you are still small." If a child wants to wash a plate, water a garden bed, do not interfere with him. Moreover, he must do the work himself, even if it takes half an hour instead of your five minutes. But the crumbs will have a reason to be proud of themselves.

3. Creative approach

Sometimes children lack inspiration to act. To convince the baby to put the toys in their places, some parents resort to a "carrot" (cartoon, treat) or threaten with a "whip" (punishment). Psychologists believe that this approach kills the desire to work. Instead, they advise turning such an uninteresting activity as cleaning into an exciting game. For example, collect cars and race dolls. Or hide some little “secret” among the toys and try to find it together.

4. Reasonable criticism

In order not to discourage the child from every desire to work, give up unconstructive criticism. It’s better to figure out why your child can’t cope with school lessons, can’t learn a poem for a matinee. Give your child advice on what he needs to do so that next time he succeeds. And yet, do not call children lazy and clumsy, this will not only not accustom them to work, but also lower their self-esteem.

5. Household duties

Try to assign certain instructions to the younger generation, moreover, they should be specific and really necessary, and not invented for educational purposes.

So, children 3-4 years old can:

clean up toys after yourself;
help with table setting;
wipe the dust;
dress, wash and

A child of 5-6 years old already knows how to:

clean up your own room
put your clothes in place;
take care of your loved one;
make and unroll the bed;
look after a younger brother or sister.

At 7-9 years old, children are able to:

vacuuming;
get ready for school on their own (of course, with my mother's control);
wash the dishes;
help grandmother in the country;
cook sandwiches.

We also read:

Opinions of parents from the forums

mashkin29 I don't think there are any lazy kids... there are lazy parents who failed to interest their child, find a dialogue with him, convey the need for what they want from him ... and all this starting from about 6 months of age, and after 3 years it’s generally too late. How old are you, and since when has he been lazy? in what directions?

alenkin92 Children often light up quickly and go out immediately. they do not like to do monotonous, boring, uninteresting work.

Pauline Now there are many such children who do not want to do anything. And we, the parents, are to blame. We do not limit their sitting at the computer, we do not spend enough time with children. And children simply copy their parents ... We ourselves should be less lazy, do everything together with the children. And here is what the psychologist says about modern children and their problems with lack of initiative and laziness.

Household duties and assignments should in no case become a punishment for bad behavior and misconduct. Instead, reward your children for doing chores around the house. For example, stay longer at the zoo or go to the movies.

And, of course, do not forget to praise the baby when he helps you in any business for the first time or gets a good mark. Often, it is the praise of parents that becomes the main incentive for accustoming a child to work. and, finally, to get rid of the terrible complexes of overweight people. I hope the information is useful to you!

Let's think for a moment: why is it that we are so upset, and sometimes just get out of a state of mental balance, that the child, as it seems to us, is lazy and does not want to do anything? If all our desires for a child came true, what would he become? An obedient little robot that resignedly performs any housework, does homework without reminders, and even at the end of the day and takes care of us, tired ones, brings tea, TV does not interfere with watching ...

The whole catch is that if a child is just well trained and does something just because mom and dad said so, there will be no use from such diligence. In the end, the child will grow up and understand that his work does not bring him any satisfaction, he doesn’t feel like doing something “for himself” at all, and it’s not at all clear what your soul is and what your calling is.

Unfortunately, very often such children seek solace in all sorts of escapes from reality: in computer games, slot machines, nicotine and alcohol addictions, and even drug addiction. And it turns out that no matter how much we wanted to raise a hardworking, successful, harmonious, highly moral and intellectual person, we did not succeed.

What can parents do who do not want to see in their child an uninterested loafer, but at the same time do not want to engage in "training" and accustoming to work by force?

It's all about motivation

Fighting childish laziness can be like fighting windmills, if we do not take into account one very important point: in order to do something, do it well, and even enjoy the process, a person just needs to clearly understand the answer to the question: "For what?". Knowing why you need to make an effort and spend your time, a person of any age will be able not only to overcome his laziness and craving for an empty pastime, but also to cope with many objective difficulties that will stand in the way.

Motivation is a complex issue. Many serious works have been written, many classifications of needs and motives have been created, there are sometimes very different points of view in matters of goal setting and motivation. In this field of knowledge, we will be interested only in what one way or another has practical application in solving the problem of accustoming a child to work, to educational and any other useful activity.

Many children are ready to move mountains to feel that their parents are proud of them and respect their achievements. For most children, acceptance and attention from significant adults has tremendous motivational potential, and we can use this to try to overcome the child's reluctance to put in effort and do something. At the same time, it would be completely wrong to show your child your love and bestow attention only when he has achieved something or coped with difficult work. The child should feel that they love him just the way he is. But at the same time, the eyes of a caring mom and dad can glow a little brighter when he, a child, pleases everyone with his success and lack of laziness.

It is very important for children, especially for teenagers, how their peers treat them. They have a very strong need to feel belonging to "their" group, whether they are classmates, comrades in the sports section or friends in the yard company. Such groups have their own rules and principles, and it may well be that diligence is not valued there, but, on the contrary, is considered something negative, “shameful”. Naturally, in this case, the child will do his best to hide his labor merits or, even worse, he will try to internally meet the standards of a significant group.

✏ The first thing parents can do in this case is to teach the child to defend his opinion, to resist the immediate environment, not to be like everyone else. In extreme cases, parents will have to decide what they can do to protect the child from the negative influence of his company. On the other hand, we can try to "attach" the child to the team that suits us in terms of its values and priorities. Of course, you need not just enroll your child in the chess section and expect him to sit for hours solving complex games. It is necessary to make every effort so that people, and the work itself, and communication bring joy to the child, so that he really wants to correspond to the high principles of this group.

The need for acceptance from parents and peers is directly related to the child's need for self-respect and self-acceptance. The reason for painstaking work may well be the desire of the child to feel “good”, even without regard to the assessments of parents and friends. It is important for all of us to feel that we are not the last person, and for this we are ready to spend our time and energy.

Find your child a hobby

Probably the most important thing that we can do for a child is to help him find himself, his business, show the pleasure that you experience when you do what is interesting, and you are completely absorbed in the process itself, and do not think that I will endure a little more, I will strain - and even then ... Although the realization that the hard work is over and you can enjoy the fruits of your labor also brings a lot of joy.

Here, an example with climbers and other mountain conquerors will be very clear. From the outside, it seems incomprehensible why people spend a lot of strength and energy over and over again to find themselves where they can easily be reached by mountain lift or helicopter. But if you have been to the mountains, you know very well

that until you yourself climb a high mountain and experience the thrill of overcoming yourself, you will not feel all the beauty of the mountain landscape.

Parents can instill a love for such “ascents” in a child. It is we who can teach once again to defeat our fatigue, weakness and desire to crawl under a warm blanket, teach us to be above our own laziness in order to accomplish a small feat, albeit just in the kitchen or for textbooks, but for the sake of a worthwhile goal.

How can all this be done in practice? There are a lot of options. But no one, except for yourself and your child, will be able to find the only path that will lead to joy, despite all the steep ups and downs, unexpected obstacles and other difficulties.

Let us dwell on specific actions that parents can take, setting themselves the goal of helping their child find their favorite job.

✏ First, Parents should be very attentive to the interests of the child. And it doesn't matter that in your family everyone from generation to generation has been a musician. If your kid loves to drive the ball in the yard more, and the look of black and white keys makes him ripple in his eyes and there is no way to overcome drowsiness, then it would be much better to send the child to the sports section than to spoil life for yourself day after day, and " future great pianist.

✏ Second, it is very good if at least at first you, together with the child, will be engaged in an interesting business for him. Children, especially small ones, strive to imitate their parents and get their approval, besides, they, like air, need our attention and communication. Therefore, if a mother and her daughter take up beadwork, and a father once again goes to the playground with a young football player, then the result will be positive in any case. Of course, you do not need to master all the subtleties of a child's new hobby, for this there are professional teachers who just need to be found. But it is parental participation and approval that can help a child get carried away with the process.

✏ Third, The child should have a choice. Now there are so many circles, sections and clubs of interest! If you want, go horseback riding, if you want, learn Chinese, if you want, jump with a parachute, if you want, learn to bake cheesecakes with cottage cheese. If you wish, you can learn anything: ancient martial arts, calligraphy, chess, wood painting and pottery. And of course, there are more and more schools that seriously prepare future musicians, artists, poets.

It remains to make a choice. It’s not even scary if it’s not right, and after a while the child will understand that rhythmic gymnastics is not for him. The time and effort spent on an activity that you like will not disappear without a trace. In addition to the acquired skills and abilities, the child will still have a feeling of joy from what he loves. And it's like a drug - you want to get more and more and more.

The only thing you need to be careful with is overworking the child. With great opportunities that have opened up, parents sometimes seek to enroll a child in the first, second, and third sections. And the child can be interested everywhere. But if you begin to notice that he develops unreasonable irritability, drowsiness, and in general he does not behave quite the way he did before visiting all the sections, you should stop and give up something. Even positive emotions can be too much. The child's nervous system may not yet be ready to process so many new impressions and information.

❧ We must not forget that any person, and especially a small one, simply needs free time, when you can do nothing and not think about anything in particular, when you can contemplate, go into the world of your own thoughts and impressions.

Helpers in the fight against laziness

Let's dwell on small tricks that will help us not to break the copy against the impenetrable wall of childish laziness and will make it possible to move the decision of the eternal question of what, when and to whom to do.

Cunning first. For most people, music can play a positive role in getting the job done. Remember: “The song helps us to build and live”? Similarly, teenagers turn on their very loud and sometimes not very melodic music, precisely because it is much easier to do home cleaning under it. Psychologists say that while doing mental work, it is very useful to listen to classical music, it has a good effect on the efficiency of activity.

Trick two. In almost any business, you can add elements of the game. Of course, this is more suitable for young children who live for the game, but older ones will be much more pleasant to do boring things if they are played in a manner that is interesting for the child. To what extent, how and what game moments can be used? It all depends on the imagination of the parents and the child, on their ability not only to engage in serious business, but also to fool around, to see opportunities for play even in a difficult task.

Trick three. Good help in teaching a child to set goals and then achieve them can be properly used by the general human tendency to compete. Here I immediately recall the story of Nikolai Nosov "Gardeners". What can you do to make the treasured red banner appear on your site! Indeed, the spirit of competition can work wonders not only on the sports ground, but also in everyday life. We are ready to work and work again to be ahead of everyone, or at least get ahead of those who simply need to get ahead.

Trick four. To help pass the time for a boring task, first of all, the realization of why this task is being performed. If the work is rather monotonous, then various meditative-rhythmic techniques will be a good help. Do you remember how in the fairy tale "The Pipe and the Jug" dad taught Zhenya to pick strawberries? “I take one berry, I look at another, I notice the third, and the fourth seems to me.” By setting a certain rhythm and not particularly including consciousness in the process of activity (unless, of course, this is required), we can achieve faster results at low energy costs than we spend our internal strength on experiencing that we again have to do something unpleasant.

Cunning fifth. In my practice, keeping the so-called Diary of useful deeds had a good result. You can write down a variety of things in this Diary, but first of all, everything related to your own “labor” plans or “labor” victories.

Diary. Of course, each task can simply be completed on a separate sheet, but it is much more effective if all the tasks are collected in one place and the child can return to them. In addition, you can come up with something of your own to write in the Diary. And in general, working with the Diary can be a kind of ritual that will allow the child to keep track of his achievements and failures on the difficult path of learning to work hard.

Olga Yurchenko, child psychologist

What is laziness? In my opinion, laziness is just an unwillingness to do something. To do something specific or anything at all...

What is laziness?

In my opinion, laziness is just an unwillingness to do something. Do something specific or anything at all.

What can a person who is too lazy, who does not want to do something, feel?

Well, for example, I do not want to write this article. Every day I promise myself that “tomorrow I will definitely do it”, or at least I will start, but tomorrow comes - and things are still there. I can't force myself. Motivate. Mobilize and get started. "Pull yourself together".

About children's laziness and not only

None of the “Did the job - walk boldly” and “Business is time, and fun is an hour” do not help. They always contain no less weighty "Horses die from work."

As a result, the deadline is getting closer, the excitement is growing, you still can’t relax and rest - after all, the work has not been done.

Who is this "lazy child"?

What should parents do, like a child ... change?

Correct behavior?

Bring up?

Who would urgently educate me myself, so that I would hand over the article on time ...

To educate me? Correct my behavior? Change me? Different feelings arise inside: the desire to actively resist pressure, and the desire to defend themselves, and fear, and distrust.

It makes me want to shout: "Get away from me, I'm" in the house "!".

The brain is trying at breakneck speed to find a solution how to slip away, how not to be caught in the snares of debt. How to avoid what I should, how to do only what I want.

And now I want not to think about any obligations and responsibilities. Do not feel that I can let down those to whom I promised to send the finished article on time.

I want to rest. Watch a light series and drink coffee, chat with your family, play board games. Because I am very tired.

And from the fact that instead of rest I have to do what I promised, such impotence rolls in, such hopelessness!

And memories of school, when it was necessary, daily, for many hours, to sit in class, and then do homework at home.

When by the end of the quarter I didn’t want any circles or sections, but only to finally be left alone. Didn't touch. They didn't want anything from me.

And when I couldn't help it. Because no one could free me from “I have to do my homework” and “I have to study for the “five”, and no one wanted to.

On the contrary, they wanted me to act like an adult. That is, so that I should be guided by common sense, be independent, cope without the help of an adult, be able to mobilize and fulfill the planned / set, overcome my fatigue.

And also to be guided not by my want - I don’t want, but by “should” and “should”.

And I did it as much as I could. While the subjects were not difficult, I continued to study perfectly, driving away all these “tired” and “I don’t want”, “not interested” and “tired” from myself.

But in the 8th grade, my strength ran out, and I simply stopped studying. From the outside it looked like "lazy". It was like I woke up one day and decided to be lazy and want nothing.

For some reason, no one was interested in what was really happening. What is going on inside the child. Why all of a sudden such changes. And, most importantly, how you can help.

Because the “lazy” child needs help. Not lectures, not education, not discussion with all relatives and teachers of his “laziness”, not humiliation and humiliation, not contempt for “lack of will” and “weakness of character”. Help.

But does it always occur to us to offer help where something else is customary - to blame a lazy child, to educate with a conditional carrot or stick, to try to convey the importance of work and the fulfillment of duty?

For some reason, it seems to us that the child himself does not understand the importance of learning. Or doesn't want the room to be clean. And we continue to prove how necessary all this is.

We think that the child does not care.

But he, just like us adults, is tormented by a sense of guilt for not done on time, for what was promised and not fulfilled.

He burns with shame that he did not live up to our expectations, disappointed.

He is afraid that the closest people will turn away from him.

Most often, the child himself feels bad with this “laziness”. He would be happy to do everything that is necessary, but he cannot.

Why? Yes, because the same reason as an adult!

1. The person is just tired. No forces. Sometimes - for nothing ("lies on the couch", "spits at the ceiling", "does nothing at all"). Sometimes for something specific. To force yourself to do what you really don't want to do.

2. Not interested. Even when there is strength, there is no interest in doing anything specific. For example, lessons. Or clean the room. Or walking the dog.

3. The task seems overwhelming. Perhaps she is really big, serious. Or maybe there is not enough knowledge, understanding, skills. Or a person has a problem with self-esteem, with self-confidence. Immediately hands down, it's scary to even try to cope.

4. Perfectionism. To do well is simply not good. It needs to be done perfectly. The best. And then nothing is done: after all, if you didn’t enter the game, didn’t start doing business, then you didn’t lose, you didn’t do it well enough.

What to do? How to deal with this reluctance, with "laziness"?

If the child is tired, then it is logical to organize a rest for him, the sooner the better. Rest as long as he needs to recuperate. And, of course, offer the child help.

For example, it would be easier for me to cope with the task if someone did not spare their time and effort to “dive” with me into the topic of laziness. Explore it, discuss it, maybe even write some theses together.

Not because I can't handle the article alone. But because now, in my fatigue, I really need the shoulder of the Other. The feeling that there is someone who cares. Who sees not "lazy" me, but tired me. Who is on my side. To whom I am more important than my functions.

I did not have such a person in my school childhood. And my eldest son did not have such a person in his junior school age.

For the first 5 years of school, my child was “lazy”, not living up to expectations, not striving for anything, not bringing anything to the end, leaving mugs and sections a month or two after the start of the school year.

And this happened until he finally had a mother-on-his-side. It's a pity that it took me so long to go over to my child's side.

All it takes to be on the child's side is to believe, sincerely and deeply, that the child is good.

The child is always good. He has no intention of being lazy. There is no purpose of not doing what needs to be done. There is no task to disobey you or the teachers. Ignore requests and instructions addressed to him. Manipulate.

He doesn't bully you. He didn't choose to make things difficult for you. He doesn't care that you're tired.

And he understands perfectly well that you also have a job and you do it, and he must also do his job - study, clean the room, help around the house.

Most often, the child sincerely wants to please his parents, please, please. And up to a certain point, he does this, sometimes by ignoring his development goals. That is, at your own expense. If only he was loved.

But if we accept by default, as a fact, that the child is always good, then in a situation where he is “lazy”, you don’t want to educate him, but, first of all, figure out what is happening to him. And then help solve the problem.

In the same way, help is needed in a situation where the task seems so overwhelming that it immediately gives up.

Help your child "eat the elephant piece by piece" - together with him divide the task into several stages.

Discuss how you can act on each of them in order to arrive at a result. Make sure the child knows how to do it, knows how to do it. Offer your help. Sometimes just silent support, presence nearby is enough.

Perfectionism most often passes to the child by inheritance.

Which adult in your family strives for perfection? Who always sees where we could do better, points out mistakes and believes that only criticism moves us forward and contributes to growth (both internally and in studies, career)?

Lower your requirements. Take it for granted that it is only by making mistakes that we move forward. Don't force yourself or your child into a cage of perfection.

Perfectionism is not so easy to “cure”, so the help of a psychologist will not hurt here. First of all, for an adult.

But what to do if "laziness" blooms where it is not interesting?

Doing something that is not interesting is not an easy task. Not every adult, not every time, copes with it.

What can we say about a child who has not yet matured the brain structures necessary for such overcoming! Since it is impossible to speed up their ripening, you will have to wait until it ripens, but for now - help to cope.

Make things interesting where possible. Turn cleaning into a game, fun adventure or competition. Yes, and teaching school subjects can be diversified, made a little more interesting by wrapping your studies in a game shell.

It is very important to encourage those activities that the child is interested in. The more places and activities where the child does what he likes, feels happy, the easier it will be for him to do something that he doesn’t really want, without feeling that his whole life consists of continuous “I don’t want , but we have to".

And also remember that it is also important to take care of yourself. Give yourself a break when you're tired. Ask for help from loved ones when there is no strength. Seek help from a psychologist if you feel it is necessary. Try to make interesting what causes melancholy. Learn to eat the elephant bit by bit and allow yourself, above all, to be imperfect. published .

Larisa Pokrovskaya

If you have any questions, ask them

When it seems that a child is lazy, we try to do everything to overcome this: we punish, scold, force. In the fight against this "disease" it is important to understand that laziness is not a disease, it is cultivated from the most seemingly good intentions. Yes, even the most “correct” parenting methods can “help” grow.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE: 6 RULES OF HOW TO EDUCATE A LAZY CHILD

In order to raise a lazy person, it is necessary to have a certain set of rules that are not subject to doubt and revision. The rules that I will discuss below are universal guidelines for action. By sticking to them, you are guaranteed to end up with a benign bummer.

At first glance, it may seem that these rules, on the contrary, help to temper the best qualities in a child: perseverance, perseverance and determination. But it's not.

Rule #1: Every child is born lazy

And if he is not forced to work, he will never show initiative. Force the child to do through "I do not want." He will get used to being forced and eventually become a hardworking and successful person. If the child is not forced, then he will turn into a parasite who is not ready for adulthood.

Rule number 2. The child must be obedient

If the child does not obey, everything possible must be done to achieve his obedience. If he was told to do his homework, clean the room or wash the dishes, he must obey the order immediately. As a result of such upbringing, the child will become hardworking, economic and disciplined.

Rule number 3. The best way to wean a child from unwanted behavior is through punishment and deprivation.

Take away the computer, and the child will begin to study well. Forbid walking on the street if he behaved badly, and then, in fear of punishment, he will definitely correct himself.

If a child is naughty, going against your will, then he does this only because he is being harmful. What are the causes of whims? None. He's just small and stupid. It is better to punish him without questions and clarifications. Then the child will stop being mischievous.

Rule number 5. The task of parents is to protect the child from mistakes

If the child does something wrong, let him know in advance. Explain to the child that the way he wants to achieve his goal is wrong. Show your child the best option that he did not see right away. Protect your child from such mistakes and then he will take from life much more than you could take.

Rule number 6. High demands will make a real person out of a child

The child must be obedient, honest, intelligent, purposeful. Should study well at school, not be selfish, should help around the house, respect elders, play sports and bring joy. Constantly compare your child with more successful children or point out to him his shortcomings. This motivates the child to become better and he will definitely change.

All these rules are so powerful that the application of even one of them gives a stable and reliable result in raising a lazy person. They are like grains - plant them in fertile children's soil and one day a small stalk will grow into a mighty tree. Plant all the seeds and you will have a luxurious garden.

WE INCULATE AN UNWANTING TO STUDY AT SCHOOL

People like to do things that make them feel good emotions. And, conversely, the more negative is associated with a particular action, the less desire to do it. Accordingly, negative experiences in relation to learning also discourage the desire to learn.

First of all, parents are encouraged to scold their child for bad grades. Got a deuce - bad, got a five - as it should be. For a low score, the child should receive more negative than positive for good academic performance. That is, the punishment should be more tangible and memorable than the reward.

Here are some good examples for punishment: a slap, a belt, a ban on walking on the street, a ban on a computer or TV. Punishment is desirable to accompany the reading of notations that suppress the child. The worse he feels, the more he hates school.

Scold and punish

Bad grades must necessarily be associated with negative experiences. This gradually kills interest in gaining knowledge. If the child received a deuce and, returning home, painfully thinks: “My parents will kill me for this!”, then part of the educational task has been completed. Those who have achieved such a result can be congratulated on their success!

Force

For more tangible consequences, I recommend forcing the child to do homework immediately after the punishment. In this case, the subconscious quickly establishes a connection between the lessons and such emotions as depression, hopelessness, resentment and anger at parents, as well as hatred of the school. Now, as soon as the child thinks about homework, negative experiences and discomfort in the body will automatically arise.

"janitor" method

The next approach is called the "janitor method". This is an approach in which parents say something like: “If you study poorly, you won’t get a job. Become a janitor or cleaner.” Negative motivation is a good help in raising a future lazy person, because, in most cases, it acts overwhelmingly. Don't tell your child what will happen if he does well in school. Positive motivation is not an assistant in raising a lazy person. Therefore, it is better to immediately forget about it.

Comparison with successful

Finally, one more trick is comparing with successful ones. Parents who compare their child with more successful children achieve excellent results. They make it clear to the child that he is worse than others. Frequent comparison strengthens this conviction in him.

WE INCULATE LAZINESS TO CLEANING

An adult went into the children's room and saw a mess. The child is playing with toys. What should a responsible parent do who wants to raise a lazy person? Right. It is necessary to give an order that the child immediately put things in order. Of course, he will resist and express his dissatisfaction, but it is necessary to force him.

You should not compromise if the child asks to clean up later. Also, parents should not be interested in the fact that the child is engaged in an interesting business for him. Cleaning must be done immediately. In case of resistance, it is worth using any available method of coercion: yelling, slapping on the back of the head or spanking on the ass.

Regular use of this approach gives very good results - the child will hate cleaning and will avoid it at the first opportunity.

A pattern is imprinted in the subconscious of the child: I play - I'm interested - parents come - make me clean - scold - I have no choice - I'm annoyed and depressed - I can't do what I want - I have to clean. Cleaning is bad. Cleaning is an obstacle to your favorite pastime. Once parental controls are loosened up, I'll enjoy the opportunity to not clean up!

In the same way, you can awaken laziness in a child to wash dishes or go to the store. The end result of this approach is internal sabotage and negative emotions at the mere thought that now it is necessary to fold scattered things, sweep and wash the floor. When the child becomes an adult and begins to live separately, it is likely that the mess in his apartment will become the norm: things on chairs, garbage on the carpet, dust on the monitor and, of course, a mountain of dirty dishes.

And now a warning about a possible error!

Parents should not clean and wash dishes too often, as children soak up parental behavior like a sponge. If adults do not force at all, but do everything themselves, then children copy their behavior. Then the motivation to restore order becomes internal, not external. That is, sooner or later, children begin to put things in order on their own if they see that it is time to clean up.

It's not in our interest. Therefore, distract the child from important matters for him and force him. Alternatively, you can say: “We earn money for you all day, and you sit at home for half a day and didn’t even clean the apartment.” The more negative the child receives from parental notations, the less his desire.

Also, a source of laziness can be self-doubt and doubts about one's actions. Therefore, in order to eradicate laziness, .

Keep him busy!

Why do we so want the child to be busy more often - lessons, circles and sections, "useful" books? Parents experience an understandable parental anxiety-desire: to give everything to their children. But adults often set an impossible task: their children should get the most out of life, and education - so it seems to them - will greatly contribute to this. Often, parents are involved in something like a competition: one of the children of their acquaintances has already mastered a foreign language or wins olympiads, and this encourages them to expect similar success from their own children. Often parents are afraid of the child's free time, because, of course, he will "do the wrong thing", that is, he will succumb to the destructive temptations of simply wasting time.

Why is a child's refusal to comply with these requests perceived as laziness? It’s generally easier to call laziness what in psychology is called “resistance”. At the same time, the word “laziness” has a clearly condemning connotation and there is an obvious “culprit” - this is the one who is actually lazy. Thus, it is much easier to transfer the responsibility for children's resistance to the child himself, to call him “laziness”, to blame him and not to figure out what exactly his passive behavior is connected with.

Parents and teachers are generally not inclined to seek part of their participation in the formation of this resistance. It’s more convenient: in this case, the child is lazy.

Causes of laziness

The child has no desire of his own in what is to be done. In fact, there are very few children who have formed a learning motivation, for example, because there are not many schools that are engaged in the formation of this motivation. When adults have created a developing and appropriate environment (ideally) for each child, the desire to learn allows the child to engage in tasks with interest, and he does not appear lazy. If the learning process is built boring, uninteresting, unified, in accordance with someone's ambitions or concepts, and not in accordance with the age and interests of specific children, then the children are "lazy".

child under stress. The need to learn, like the need to develop, can only arise when the need for security is satisfied. But our children at school often experience real stress. Strong experiences (fear, shame, tension) take away both strength and the ability to think, respond, do something at the right pace. It takes a lot of energy for a child to process these feelings. Therefore, he may look tired, "braking", asthenic, apathetic. It may seem to you that it is impossible to get so tired in 4-5 lessons, and you will begin to suspect him of laziness. Although in this case it is worth talking with him about his experiences: fears, anxieties, tensions associated with the school. Ask, for example: “Was something difficult for you there? Is it related to the teacher, the subject, other children?” And then deal with what he will answer.

Pressure resistance. Your pressure and desire to make someone smart and capable out of a child causes a lot of resistance, because the psyche is arranged in such a way that identity, that is, one's own “I”, is protected most of all. Therefore, if your child still resists you from his "I" to do something else, then he is still healthy, but when his resistance weakens or you break him, then something more serious and sad can happen. than just a "lazy" child.

Low self-esteem, perfectionism, self-doubt can also lead to a refusal to work, which can easily be mistaken for "laziness". In fact, if parents are very critical of the child, “reflect” him mainly in terms of shortcomings and complexities of character, then all that the child knows about himself is that he is somehow “not like that”. And this means that he will most likely do everything somehow “wrong”. And then why should he do this if he will hear only discontent and criticism from his parents and teachers? Lagging children often lose motivation completely, as do the children of perfectionist parents, because it becomes impossible to please these adults and get positive feedback, kind words and positive evaluations.

Pressure and resistance

Children need rules and boundaries. The border is “you will go to school because we have universal secondary education by law. You can't not go there (except on special occasions)." Pressure is when you force him to want, when he does not want to, change when he cannot, that is, when you do not require any important actions, but want him, the child, to be different: to feel what you need , reacted as you need. The most "terrible" thing a parent can do to kill a child's motivation is to start considering his school as his business. It is very important that the child learns on his own, masters the school requirements himself and can ask his parents for help. And it was not the parent who controlled, checked and, in fact, went through the school curriculum together, or even instead of the child. If the child is responsible for his own learning, then he is also responsible for the results of this learning. Estimates then him, his victories and his mistakes. But if a mother collects a portfolio, checks assignments, makes projects, the child will willy-nilly go into a passive position, wait for her mother's controlling or managing instructions. Our task is only to help the child learn to study in the first grade, and not all children need this kind of help.

“I got completely lazy!”

It would be nice, before accusing the child of laziness and "doing nothing", to ask what exactly he is doing now - even if you found him lying on the couch and listening to music. Worried? You can remind him of upcoming tasks and ask when he plans to complete them. You can get upset about bad grades, especially if you understand that the child has not invested much in the result, for example, saying: “I am very upset that you did not prepare as you should have and got a deuce.” You can ask “Do you need help?” because laziness, as we have already described, can be a symptom of some kind of experience or difficulty that has arisen. Or you can say, "I think it's very important for you to put everything aside for now and start preparing for the test."

The main thing to remember is that “doing nothing” is a child’s way of relaxing, being with himself, digesting what happened, assimilating, appropriating what happened. This is an opportunity to relieve yourself of responsibility, because you get tired of it. The opportunity to immerse yourself in yourself, get in touch with some creative ideas. It is an absolutely necessary skill to listen to yourself, because in the race and the series of events and tasks, it is sometimes impossible to feel even the most trivial needs and feelings. A child who is able to listen and hear himself will be much more successful in building his life. He will not need to break and betray himself, which means that all his energy will be spent on creation, and not on resistance.

What to do?

Create a development environment. For example, send it to a school where they understand: they teach not subjects, but teach children. Do not force the child to read while you watch TV, but read yourself - a lot and with the children, discuss what you read. If parents are passionate about their work, it is both contagious and perceived as the norm. Captivate with the game, support in the need to show diligence, rejoice when something difficult succumbed to the child.

Give time. Sometimes the child's desire to do something must mature, become apparent. But we often do not give children time for this. A child thinking and “loitering” around the house causes irritation and anxiety for many parents: one wants to quickly load him with something useful. What he himself wants can remain unclear if he rushes or offers his own.

Reflect. Any child does something well, and this is not always related to learning. "Volumetric perception" of one's own personality allows the child, and then the adult, to find support within himself. Even skills and qualities that are far from learning, such as “you are charming”, “you are able to help”, “you know how to negotiate”, “you are stubborn”, then help to rely on yourself and feel successful.

Help to see progress and enjoy it. The idea “You get better and better every time” builds self-esteem and motivation, unlike the words “it’s good to try harder” that many parents love. This phrase seems to cancel the child's small but important victory over himself, forbids him to "rest on his laurels." A child who is used to winning will be happy to look for new victories, and those who have the feeling of victory all the time are taken away, will more often “give up”.