Long separation from a man days apart. At the edge of the cliff. Difference between healthy and unhealthy neediness

09.05.2019

Such is life: we love, we love, and it seems that it will be so for a long, long time, when suddenly ... Parting comes - for a week, a month, six months or even more! The beloved goes on a business trip, to work in another city or even to another country. What to do? In the early days, it seems that the heart from longing will be torn to pieces. Then the acuity dulls a little, but the pain remains. Let's learn to deal with separation in such a way as to turn the situation in our favor!

Undoubtedly, it is very difficult to be deceived by a loved one, and it is extremely difficult to survive adultery while maintaining a relationship. However, it can still be done. Psychologists from the UK have found effective ways to reduce the pain of cheating. Firstly, you need to take a step back and help yourself: sleep, healthy eating, physical activity - all this will help increase the level of endorphins (the hormone of joy) and somehow smooth out the pain from the shock. Second, you need to take time out in your relationship.

Believe me, no one has ever felt better from shedding a sea of tears, endlessly viewing photos and kissing letters. If you devote your days to melancholy, irritate yourself and cry all the time, small wrinkles will surely appear on your face, you will look older and, in the end, just forget how to enjoy life and smile. Think: does your loved one need a pale haggard shadow, into which you will turn after a few months of such experiences?

Now try to look at the situation from the other side. Your beloved left not out of his own whim, but probably in the name of your future: to earn money, move up the career ladder, make new business connections, etc. That is, he fulfills the holy duties of a man: ensures your life together. Most likely, he has no time to be bored there. Of course, he also takes separation hard, he misses you, but he simply does not have time for long experiences. Take an example from him!

Get to work

If you are working - throw all your strength and all the free time on the performance of professional duties. During the absence of a loved one, your superiors will appreciate you, raise your salary or move you up the career ladder! Imagine how surprised your man will be, how proud he will be of you when he returns! If you are not working, try to find a job, because you now have time for this.

Find a hobby

Perhaps you can sew, embroider or knit? Great - so you have something to do! Sew yourself new outfits for his return, then you will become simply irresistible. Cross-stitch several paintings, buy frames and hang them on the walls. Knit a beautiful sweater for your beloved - he will simply be delighted, because you will give him not just a thing, but a real evidence that you have been waiting for him and wanted to do something pleasant for him. It is even better if you will be sewing and knitting in front of the TV - after all, such work is well promoted under your favorite TV series or programs. Get double pleasure and time will fly by completely unnoticed.

Engage in self-improvement

You have free evenings, because your beloved is far away. Instead of crying and suffering, take a foreign language, accounting, acting, or guitar course. The result is a double benefit: you will learn a lot (and new skills contribute to success in business and in your personal life), and even days will noticeably speed up your run.

Decorate your home

Perform a feat: make repairs in the apartment for the arrival of your beloved! Let it be a pleasant surprise for him. You can do the repair yourself (if you know how, of course), or hire a team of craftsmen. If you feel that this is too difficult and difficult for you, limit yourself, for example, to decorating one element of an apartment or house. One friend of mine, who had never held a brush in her hands before (except in her distant childhood), in a couple of months painted the glass doors in her apartment so that they began to look like a real work of art! It was she who missed her husband so much. Now she - you will not believe it! - makes good money, creating abstract paintings on the doors of wealthy people. Here's another idea: if you live in your own house with a plot, plant a flower garden, plant exotic plants, create an amazing flower bed - you can learn how to do this on the Internet.

Become even more beautiful

Take advantage of the resulting free time to take care of yourself. Sign up for a gym, buy a subscription to the pool, start jogging in the morning (you can go with a friend or neighbor). Take a massage course, become a regular visitor to a beauty salon. Taking self-care and exercise as an alternative to gorging yourself on chocolates and cakes will surely help relieve melancholy, but it will add a couple of sizes to your figure. Set a goal for yourself: to become simply irresistible by his arrival.

Chat with old friends

Keep a diary

Write down every day what happened, what you did, what you thought. This will help organize your thoughts, calm down, and also give you the opportunity to re-read your notes later with your beloved. It will be very good if they are not conducted in a dreary tone (“how I miss you, I can’t take it anymore, it’s so hard ...”), but, on the contrary, you will choose and describe the funniest moments. Or maybe talent will wake up in you, and you will begin to write poems dedicated to your beloved! Imagine how he will be surprised and proud of you!

Finally, you can:

Chat with your parents and your loved one's parents - for example, inviting them to a delicious dinner or to the theater.
- Prepare a variety of pickles and preserves for the winter.
- Read a lot of interesting books.
- Come to him! Just warn in advance so as not to interfere with his work or business.

And most importantly, remember: everything will pass, your beloved will return, and you will be happy. The main thing is to love, trust and be faithful.

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Top 10 ways to deal with breaking up with a man

Breaking up is always painful and sad. And even if someone says that he is happy with this turn of events, deep down he still regrets that the romantic story ended, did not grow together, did not work out ... And if the initiative to put an end to the relationship came from a loved one, and you cannot to accept and understand such a decision, it is many times more painful. How can you survive a painful breakup with minimal mental anguish? Read on.

People experience divorce and separation in different ways. The easiest thing is for those who immediately begin a new life and new relationships - when a person, instead of what he had, acquires something new. If you are not one of them, then the following tips for overcoming depression after a breakup will help you. How to survive a divorce? What are the reasons for divorce? Divorce or keep the family? How to survive a divorce? The husband left. The wife left. Getting through a divorce is much more difficult than breaking up with a person with whom only love was associated.

Top 6 Ways to Survive a Divorce

A new life after a divorce is stress, self-doubt and often unwillingness to communicate with the male sex. How to get through this time - read on. Tune in to the positive. The stage of divorce and a painful breakup often lead to the fact that a person loses his “I”, dissolves in problems and a once loved one. Therefore, you need to try to restore mental strength, get used to the idea that you are a free woman, and not some kind of divorced. Decide for yourself what you want from life and outline goals for the near future.

How to survive a divorce ... Nothing is impossible!

If you are of the opinion that divorce is the worst thing in marriage, please be patient to get over the scourge and get back to normal. If the divorce procedure is even more unpleasant than you expected, depression can drag on for weeks, months, or even years. Depression often stems from the fact that divorce inevitably changes your life, defines your new status, hanging the label “divorced” or “single” (again). After a divorce, others perceive you differently. Some women find it difficult to find the strength to start a new, independent life.

Our expert - psychotherapist Tatyana Nikitina.

Belated epiphany

“Suddenly” nobody leaves. In the heat, after a quarrel, at the peak of emotions, the man grabs his jacket and runs to a friend, the woman collects her bag and goes to her parents. In fact, such couples do not even think to separate - the percentage of reunions after such "family hurricanes" is very high. As you know, "the darlings scold - only amuse themselves": the ties between them not only do not break, but also become stronger. The main thing is not to turn something like that into a system.

According to forecasts, the most unfavorable (that is, putting an end to family life or existing relationships), departures are not made in a rush, but only on a sober, cold head. The decision has matured, all the pros and cons have been weighed, an escape plan has been prepared. The only thing left to do is to inform the now former half.

Often, psychotherapists hear from these very "former" the same phrase: "After all, everything was fine with us, what did he (she) lack?"

These words are repeated by an experienced housewife with a long experience of family life, and a young spoiled young lady, and a malicious jealous person, and a faithful husband, and a loving father. By the way, Anna Karenina's husband, who considered himself one of the latter, was sincerely surprised at his wife's ingratitude and asked himself the same question, not even realizing that his wife considered him a “machine” and she lacked such a little thing as ... Love. This textbook example once again proves how far people living nearby can be far from each other. That which for one is earthly happiness, for another is whimsy, licentiousness, something unworthy of attention.

We have to admit: parting does not happen due to a short-term insanity of one of the partners. There are good reasons for this, which for the time being the other half simply does not know. Alas, the one who does not listen to his partner enough and does not try to understand him (or he just has no time, and maybe not interested), one day he may find himself alone.

“I felt that we were not made for each other,” says Galina, a pretty, intelligent woman in her early fifties, “but we have children, a family, and I would never ruin our relationship. And he did it and went to another. "

The situation is typical. A woman most often strives to preserve her family, a well-established life, a familiar environment. A man is more inclined to experiments and even adventures, he is not averse to conquering new heights ... Therefore, if the relationship does not suit both in some way, he is the first to break.

Period or comma?

A short standard phrase sounded. And then - mental pain, shock, confusion, a sense of guilt ... And at the same time - resentment, anger, offended pride, especially when it turns out that the reason for the divorce was a love relationship with someone on the side. Those who have experienced a breakup at least once in their lives will surely call the moment after breaking up one of the most difficult periods in their lives. Without exaggeration, it can be considered a real mental trauma.

Sometimes in a protracted period, when mutual reproaches and misunderstandings accumulate, it seems to both spouses that the best way out of the impasse is divorce, but even in this case, "drawing the line" can be very painful. What can we say about those who consider their relationship with a partner, if not ideal, then at least tolerant.

Many psychologists who work with married couples believe that the biggest mistake they make at the first moment after is trying with all their might - persuasion, threats, promises - to try to get him / her back as soon as possible. At first glance, this ill-considered, impulsive movement seems to be correct, because “the train has not left yet”, something can be changed, corrected. But this tactic works only in the case of a “blackmailer partner”, when the husband / wife is not going to go anywhere and scares away with a divorce if he wants to achieve something significant: the wife requires moving to an apartment separate from the parents, and the husband requires the wife to leave work and the birth of a baby. In the case of a thoughtful and planned departure, neither tears nor persuasion will work, and threats can push you to even more decisive actions and will no longer leave you the opportunity to establish normal relations after a divorce.

Psychologist's advice: what not and what can you do after he / she leaves?

It is forbidden

Chase, start endless investigations - "why" and "who is to blame", cut off the phone, write messages and fill up the email inbox with letters, watch the street. Such activity will not lead to positive results. The one who is being pursued begins to feel like a “hunted down game”, so he tries to run away quickly and further away. Think about self-esteem and pride. Some "departed" sometimes reconsider their actions and return. Only more often do they return to those who do not forget about their own dignity.

Sprinkle ashes on your head and lock yourself in four walls, cherish your loss. It may well happen that what you think is the end will actually turn out to be the beginning of another relationship, much brighter and more significant. Wise people say: "When one door closes, another is sure to open."

Stop looking after your appearance. , and a hairdresser and beauty salon - on schedule. As well as a solarium, gym, swimming pool and more.

To take revenge for an insult, call his / her new passion, threaten or try to upset their relationship. Such actions will give the former lover another reason to assert the correctness of their decision to leave you.

Tell your friends, neighbors, colleagues nasty things about your ex. After all, they suited you when they were around.

Start a new romance immediately. Until you feel free from the old shackles of love, while your heart still belongs to him (her), you will not start a truly warm and lasting romantic relationship.

Can

Not to pretend to be a "snow queen" or "tough macho", but to live and feel the pain, resentment, longing. Let there be tears, do not be afraid and ashamed of them, they help to heal mental wounds.

Distracted. Work will help, which, as you know, "saves us from three evils - boredom, idleness and poverty."

Experiment. Many women advise to radically change the image, for example, turn a strict chestnut haircut into golden curls. Men choose other paths: one "ex-husband" after the departure of his wife completely changed the situation in the apartment.

Create. Have you ever dreamed of mastering the guitar or dancing flamenco, but never had enough time? The moment has come - sign up for courses immediately, find a dance studio. At first it will be difficult, but it is these difficulties that will distract from the experiences. And who knows, maybe soon you will compose a beautiful lyric song or express your love and hope in a dance.

Find those who need help: take toys to an orphanage, bring groceries to an elderly lonely neighbor, take your mother or grandmother to the theater.

Go on a journey. A change of scenery always helps to cope with stress and provides an invaluable energy boost. In addition, it is during distant wanderings that wonderful romantic relationships sometimes arise, which - who knows? - can grow into something more.

“Forgive and let go,” as the song says. You won't be able to do it right away, but time heals. The day will surely come when you will feel that you are letting go of the person who brought you joy and suffering. Simply because he does not belong to you, and you, no matter what, respect his choice and his right to live his life.

The situation of separation from loved ones is familiar, perhaps, to everyone. Many overcome this with a calm mind and quickly find a new passion for themselves. And someone has to suffer for a long time. Because of this, the question: "how to survive parting with a loved one" worries many people.

Farewell to a loved one is always unpleasant. Emotional pain and apathy are true companions of separation. It is much harder to get used to this thought when he has already managed to become emotionally attached, to "stick" to another. How can you easily survive parting with your loved one? The advice of a psychologist can help in this difficult issue.

A breakup at the peak of feelings is tantamount to an operation without anesthesia.
Oksana NeRobkaya. Have a banker. Capital Love Story

Parting formula

Experts have developed the so-called "separation formula". According to her, the initiator of the separation leaves only 1/3 of negative emotions (resentment, bitterness, etc.) for himself, and the remaining 2/3 remain for the one who was abandoned. However, those who nevertheless faced such a situation have no time for calculations. Here it would be to cope with their surging emotions.

In this case, the advice of psychologists will come in handy. They will help you calm down and build a clear plan of action, and will allow you not to fall into. Thanks to such advice, a person in a short time will be able to feel spiritual relief and open up to new and beautiful things.

Experts say that the period of separation can last up to three years - it all depends on the psychotype of the person. How can it be easy to get over parting with a loved one?

What you should definitely NOT do

Certain stereotypes have formed in our society. This also applies to how it is easier to survive parting with a loved one. In most cases, these tips only exacerbate the original situation. Here are the most common "recommendations":

To be instantly forgotten in the arms of another / other.
The most popular and destructive mistake among people going through a breakup. It is possible that in the first moments it will become easier. But this is not a panacea for sadness. Subsequently, you will only drive yourself more into depression.
Seek salvation in alcohol.
In addition to the fact that it is harmful to health, such a hobby will not bring moral satisfaction. As a result, in the morning you will wake up not only with the same thoughts, but also with a headache.
Disable all communications. Isolate from society.
Remember that your family and friends need you. You should not forget about them for a long time.
Thinking this is a temporary breakup.
It happened, and you need to accept this fact. Let this person go, do not hold resentment or anger at him.
Don't be fooled by your brain's gimmicks.
Our mind is a complex and multifaceted thing. And, sometimes, when we don't even want to think about something or completely forget, the brain can suddenly give us "lost" information.

After parting, memories from the past can very often emerge in my head: how good it was with a loved one. In fact, this is just an illusion. And there is no need to try to return something.

Switch to what you really care about in the present. Over time, these thoughts will either go away altogether, or they will no longer bother you so much.

And what then?

Above, we covered the main steps that will help women and men get through a breakup painlessly. But what should you do after these steps? Psychologists have several tips for a similar question:

Find an interesting hobby for yourself. No matter how trite it may sound, hobbies help to improve the mood, as well as expand the worldview. You will not notice how you will feel a surge of new strength and a desire to create something new and interesting. In addition, many hobbies will contribute to new acquaintances. For example, dancing is one of the most popular hobbies today. With this activity it is possible to kill "two birds with one stone" at once: keep your body in great shape and meet interesting people.
Change your perception. As already mentioned, don't jump into a new relationship immediately after breaking up. Separation has its advantages as well. You will have time to think about your mistakes and what it is possible to change in yourself. In addition, this is a great opportunity to better understand what kind of person you need to be happy. You now have a lot of time at your disposal to analyze your actions.
About a change of scenery. Very powerful advice. If possible, then change the usual environment. Travel to another city or country. Such travel helps to better self-analyze, and unnecessary thoughts are guaranteed to disappear from your head.
Plan your life. Previously, you had common life goals and landmarks for two. Now you are alone with yourself, it's time to reconsider your views and priorities.

The most unpleasant thing about parting is not the parting itself.
And the fact that you are constantly told that you made a mistake.
And as a result, you stop trusting yourself for a while.
Kristen Stewart

Healing week

Today, among psychologists, the so-called 7-day plan is very popular. It is necessary to build a clear structure of your actions for the week, to drive yourself into the framework. Here is a rough plan of action to make it easier to get over a breakup with a loved one. And at the same time, develop self-discipline.

1st day. Start journaling. A great way to express all your emotions. Write down your daily experiences in it. Over time, you will be able to trace the gradation of self-improvement. Emotions will become more positive every week.
2nd day. Give yourself a gift. It doesn't matter what it is - a trip to the hairdresser, a day at the spa, or a trip to an amusement park. The main goal of such a day is relaxation and pleasant emotions.
3rd day. Review your diet and exercise. You don't have to go on a tough diet and go to the gym for days on end. Morning exercises will be appropriate, which will later become a habit. It is enough to start every day with 10 minutes of light exercise, and the flow of endorphins will rush into your blood. This clears your mind of unnecessary thoughts, and you can focus on the really important things.
4th day. Appearance. It has already been said above that the appearance should always be well-groomed. It gives confidence. After separation, the desire to take care of oneself often disappears. Overcome it and remember that looking great is a daily work that is necessary under any circumstances.
5th day. Arrange a trip to nature. A small picnic will help you relax and put your mind in order.
6th day. Spend time with your friends. Do not withdraw into yourself. Communication will help not to lose heart, to be distracted.
7th day. End your week with an enjoyable activity. It doesn't matter if it's reading, cooking, or watching TV series.

As you can see, many of the advice of psychologists overlap with each other. Somewhere there are differences, however, they have the same basis.

Of all the tips, the following main points can be distinguished:

1. We put a bold point

This is a tricky step. Especially in the first month. It is necessary with a calm soul to let go of the person, and of yourself too. To understand that life goes on and there is a lot of new and interesting ahead. It is important to recognize that from now on, you and your previous partner have completely different lives.

2. Drive away obsessive thoughts from yourself

Also not the easiest step. Despair is not worth it. You can be sad quite a bit in order to throw out your negative emotions.

At this stage of life, auto-training is useful. Praise yourself for any little things, admire yourself. Life is Beautiful!

3. Say no to hate

One of the most common mistakes is to hate the person you are separated from. Yes, separation situations are completely different. But accumulating anger is not worth it. This is a turned page, so try to let this person go by wishing him happiness from the bottom of your heart.

Forgive your ex / ex, because anger and hatred will become a real hindrance to new feelings. Think about your mistakes and do not blame your ex-chosen one.

4. It is necessary to understand that you cannot return the past

Constant looking back will only do harm in the form of deep depression. It will be quite difficult at first. But, having overcome yourself, you will soon understand that living in the present and thinking about the future is wonderful.

Separation from people dear to heart is always sad. And for many, it is very difficult. To the obvious question in such a situation, "How to survive parting with a loved one?" the advice of a psychologist will be able to give an answer.

The end of a relationship is not the end, but the very beginning of a new life, new discoveries and adventures. Remember this and be happy.

Ask readers

How did you feel about parting with your loved one? Was it very difficult?

Tomorrow often brings us surprises. You feel happy with your loved one and it seems that nothing can happen to your relationship, because even it is impossible to separate you. But it may turn out that the beloved will have to go on a business trip to another city or even to a foreign country. And you have to stay alone for some time: a week, a month, or even for a longer time. And this temporary loneliness must be somehow survived!

Parting is hard. At the beginning of parting, you feel especially hard, the impression is that your heart is cramped in your chest and nothing can make you smile. Over time, the sadness lets you go, but it still doesn't go away forever.

Is it possible to look at the situation in such a way as not only not to be burdened by separation, but even to benefit from it? You understand that if you often cry and kill yourself, it will not make you more beautiful and charming. One must be able to receive joy from life. Moreover, if you constantly revise the photos and return to the same topic in conversations, this will not become easier. Take a fresh look at what happened. After all, your half left not because he wanted to be without you, on the contrary, he did it for the sake of your common future. And it is also hard for him without you, but he understands that in order to obtain material wealth in the future, you can and should be patient now: make money, spend time studying or moving up the career ladder. So, most likely, he simply does not have time for unnecessary worries.

The best medicine is labor. Perhaps you should follow his example: if you work, give yourself entirely to work. And then it may well happen that at the airport you will meet your loved one in a new position! If you are not working or you have a lot of free time, take up your favorite hobby. Think about what you can do, maybe you like to embroider or knit? Try watching TV in the evening to find an extra activity. While doing what you love, you will not notice how time has flown by, and when your man returns, a surprise awaits him at home. Imagine how pleased he will be when you present him with warm socks or a sweater connected with love with your own hands! He will be glad that you thought about him and wanted to please him. Also, do not forget about your beloved.

If you try to drive away sadness and melancholy with cakes and buns, you will get nothing but extra pounds. Give yourself a new hairstyle and manicure. In your free time at home, do exercises, and even better if you start visiting the gym or pool. After embellishing yourself, try embellishing the house as well. If you live in a country house, try planting interesting new plants on the site. Look online for information on how to make an original flower garden. If you want, you can renovate the apartment or part of it - make some minor repairs. Beloved will be pleased.

Communicate more often. Consider self-improvement as well. When you interact with other people, you will not notice the passage of time. Sign up for a foreign language course or dance, inviting a friend to accompany you. Alternatively, take an accounting course if it helps you at work. Remember your friends and acquaintances - how long have you met with your classmates or classmates? Call them and sit together in a friendly company in a cozy cafe, because you will have something to talk about after a long separation. Communication will help you to more easily survive separation from your loved one, and your friends will be pleased that you do not forget about them and are interested in their life. When you are alone, you can come up with many useful activities that will distract you from sad thoughts.

Do you like to read? Remember what interesting books you wanted to read, but you didn't have time for it? Remember what books your friends advised you to read? Try to write something yourself - maybe you do not know everything about your hidden talents? Invite guests, invite your parents to dinner in the evening. If you love cooking, try stocking up on his favorite jam for the winter. The main thing is to get distracted from unpleasant thoughts. When a person finds something interesting to do, time flies by.

You need to understand that very rare relationships last your whole life!
Sooner or later, you may have some kind of discord or breakup, and you will part.
There should be an understanding that in this world, in principle, there is nothing so super stable that it would never leave and would not collapse.

Understanding this 1 counselor's advice on how to cope with breaking up with your loved one greatly reinforces your knowledge.

2. Find your favorite activity that you want to do and be passionate about completely and with great passion.

With regards to your life, in principle, finding your occupation that you want to do, you want to live and be passionate about - it strongly reinforces you emotionally and from all sides!
Having it, you will not be so much jarred and thrown into a panic at any loss, even if you broke up with your loved one.
Your favorite hobby, occupation, your own path, energy and passion invested in it - very much recharge you, give you a purpose in life, give a feeling of pleasure and enjoyment from life.
Thanks to them, you forget about the gray everyday life, completely penetrate into the process, forgetting everyday trifles and breaks. You no longer worry about what to do if you are dumped or how to get over it.
Having severed the relationship, now you can completely immerse yourself in your favorite business and fully abide and grow with it further.
For example, it can be your projects, business ideas, events, your creativity, financial plans, hobbies and favorite sports. Who cares for what.

Always remember your favorite hobby and passion, put it in the first place now, and then you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive parting with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

3. Realize that relationships, in any case, cannot be a mission and a goal in life.

Social programming suggests that a supposed relationship- the most important component in life. That is, people make building relationships the main component of life. This is a very common thing that can be observed now.
She's so Hollywood and from the movies or from some secret childhood dreams. It occurs in both men and women. And if you do not get rid of this illusion, you will still need the advice of a psychologist on how to get over the breakup with your loved one.
There is another wrong belief in people.... People come to their soulmate as if under the bosom of a tree from work or study with the conviction "but here it will be good for me."
And if this happens in your head, then, as a rule, it does not justify the hopes.
Sooner or later illusions will collapse... To some extent, people can create this illusion for each other, then it all crumbles to smithereens.

Relationships are definitely important.

In them we can realize ourselves, let another person be realized, establish emotional contact with a partner, make our life and his life easier.

But in general they cannot be a mission.

Relationships in any case cannot be a mission in life!

Girls illusions

On the part of girls, such a thing is present in the head more often. And therefore, they often need help and various advice from a psychologist on how to cope with parting with their beloved man.

Girls elevate relationships to a higher rank, because they have such a biological factor as a family and a child.

The problem with you is that you had to distract yourself from clinging to a relationship and making it a goal in life.

This will only make you worse, because sooner or later the illusions will begin to break, and you will again think about what to do when your loved one left you.

4. Don't let yourself slip into an emotional hole after a breakup.

It is very important when such breaks occur. and the critical moments are not to let yourself slide into an emotional pit. Some people get depressed. You can talk about ways to get rid of depression. They can last not one day, but even a week or two. This can be very detrimental to you.
Emotionally, the problem can be very minor. But, for example, a man can slide so emotionally into this gap that he will have a desire to go to the mountains, become a monk and do nothing else in this life, or go headlong into business, forgetting about women altogether.
Although in reality not everything is so serious... Anything can happen. Do not cheat yourself, do not make an elephant out of a fly, and know everything about how to survive parting with a girl after a long relationship or many years of marriage.

5. First, solve the psychological problem: do not go to extremes and run to look for a new partner.

After the breakup, you may get the feeling that supposedly you need to solve everything right now.

You need to solve problems as they come.

You don't have to decide everything at once.

First find harmony with yourself and solve the problem inside

If you have an unstable emotional state, depression, then first deal with it.

Some people go to extremes after a breakup and rather run to find a new partner.

And this will supposedly be the solution to the problem. This supposedly will close the questions about how to get through the pain of parting with a loved one.

Is this a solution?

What mistakes do people make?

People simply patch up their mental wound with a plaster, looking for a replacement rather than dealing with themselves.

This rush from one extreme to another does not end well.

Accept the state in which you are now, see it and say to yourself: “Yes, now I am not quite in harmony with myself after the breakup. Well, never mind, first I’ll solve this issue, and then we’ll see. ”

Remember this and no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to cope with separation from your husband.

6. What Your Brain Can Do To You: A Jaded Record Analogy

All your memories of past love when everything was good, it bloomed and smelled - it's just an appearance.
If that balance were preserved, then it would indeed be so. And so this is an illusory appearance. This is already like a worn-out record, which, moreover, has broken.
How is your brain joking with you? When you had a break and there were a lot of jambs that you don't even really want to remember, your brain throws this worn-out record to you.
You put this broken record in your head, where not an even melody plays, but an incomprehensible rattle, a pitiful semblance of a melody and some unpleasant sounds.
This record does not need to be repaired anymore!
You just need to find what you really need!
Don't even have to try to go back... It's not worth it.
Approach the situation soberly, and you will know all about how to start living after breaking up with your loved one.

7. Let yourself go forever: there is nothing to decide, no need to cling

Let yourself be gone forever.

Understand that there is nothing and no one to allow.

Some of you screwed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.

As painful as it may be, give yourself the opportunity to leave for good.

Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.

Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.

Understanding this will close your worries about how to get over the breakup with your loved ones.

8. Make the choice to be cool and not needy, remove expectations

A needy person is one who does not cling to other people is inclined to give more than to receive and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be.
A person who is not in need does not think about what you will have in the future (even if there is a 99% guarantee, you do not tell others). You can say: "Yes, I have such plans ...". You’re going to do it, but you don’t live it.
You take what you have for the moment, but you never expect anything to happen in the future - good or bad. It's useless.
Those things that you can cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible.
Your reality should not be based on something external!

A person who is not in need does not need both things and people equally! The paradigm is that they are with them, but there is no fear of loss at all!

A person who is not in need never asks questions about how to live after a breakup.

A strong person is only glad that weak people themselves leave his life.

It's harder for a woman to live like that, but it's possible. Don't cling to people.

Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care, they cling to men. This is their jamb!

On our website you can also on the topic of how to get rid of attachment and love addiction.

9. In the next six months or a year, completely change the perception of relationships.

After your breakup, do not immediately cling to a new person and do not try to make him yours right away for a very long time.
It should not be confused with not communicating with anyone and not getting to know anyone at all. No, you are still connecting and connecting with new people, enjoying the attraction between you.
But there should not be this desire to make a person his property for a long time.
You must remove the time frame where you will begin to unconsciously drive the person.
Live like this for the next six months at least after the break. Then, after six months, based on internal sensations, you can again return to a long-term relationship with one girl (man).

A subtle point to be implemented

Replace the desire to make the person your own for the desire to make them happy.

The best thing you can do for your partner is to allow him to live life to the fullest, and you will be there with him whenever he and you want it.

You still truly love your partner, but you are not trying to hold him back in any way.

You must live your life and give your partner complete freedom of choice.

Incorporate this perception and no longer worry about how to get over the separation from your lover or your secret passion.

Difference between healthy and unhealthy neediness

There should be no border and understanding that the person is yours.
And then you can always go further in terms of developing your spirituality, your level of happiness and harmony.
Yes, you may have a certain percentage of need for a new relationship, but this healthy need, - when you just want to see a person(no matter how you spend your time). You just want to be together.

10. Ask yourself: "Are your feelings and the image of your ex-partner real, or is this your subjective perception?"

Ask yourself questions:

Is it real that your ex-partner gives you some feelings, or is it your subjective perception that draws them that way, making him special?
If a guy's perception of his ex as “special”, “giving everyone love” and “making everyone feel better” was real, then why don't all guys perceive her that way?
Why does no other person on the planet with his ex-girlfriend feel better about it as a guy right now?

Answer

How a guy perceives an ex-girlfriend to be so cool is his personal subjective perception of a girl.

Except for him, no one else perceives her that way.

All other people see the same girl, the same appearance, the same face, but their health does not improve in any way!

And this is very important to realize in order to close the worries about how it is easier to get over the separation from your loved one.

You yourself draw an addition to the image of the ex, it does not come from him in any way

The guy is simply attached to those old emotions, tactile sensations and past pleasures that they gave each other. His perception draws her somehow special, as if she has a halo over her head.
The same can be said about former men, for whom women continue to dry unrequitedly. Your remaining love after the breakup is only your personal subjective appearance.
You yourself and your perception of feelings draw such an addition to the former person. This supplement itself does not come from your ex in any way.
This image, which draws your perception to you, does not exist in reality. Remember this and close all your questions about how to get over the pain of parting with a married man or someone with whom you would have to part sooner or later.

11. Your affection is tested for the feelings and sensations that you experienced with your partner, and not for the person himself

Realize that you are attached to the feeling, not to the person himself.

This feeling is drawn by your personal subjective perception.

Understand this, and it will become much easier for you.

Ask yourself:

Why don't you have this feeling about yourself?
Why does it arise only in relation to other people?

The answer is that you just don't love yourself.

People do not love themselves and, as a result, need outside help, ask a psychologist for advice on how to survive a breakup with a husband, boyfriend or female person.

12. Love yourself for real

When you truly fall in love with yourself, your total love will be much stronger than your feelings for your ex.

Your love for yourself will be the strongest and strongest. No feelings can absorb and bind you.

And then you will already forget about attachment to feelings, you will give more to this world.

And then people will start reaching out to you.

Now you know everything from psychology on the topic of how to cope with parting with your loved one, and you do not need any forums.

If you integrate these understandings into your life, then thoughts like “I would rather move away after a painful breakup” in your head will no longer arise.

You will take a lot of pain and suffering out of the relationship and start looking at things more objectively.

This is your life, make the right choice!