If the child is lying, advice from a psychologist to help. Why a child is lying and how to deal with it: recommendations of psychologists. Reasons and types of children's lies

29.06.2020

First, we whisper fairy tales and invented stories to our crumbs, a little later we are moved by what funny and incredible images the kids are able to fantasize themselves, and after a couple of years we panic, once catching the child in a rude lie ... Why is the child lying? And how to properly respond to children's lies - we will tell you in detail.

Where do the "legs" of childhood lies come from? (True, according to the famous Italian Carlo Collodi, it is not the legs that grow from the lies, but the nose ... Although he was that storyteller!). And yet: how, when and why do our lovely, sincere, ingenuous children suddenly turn into liars? And how should a loving parent respond to childhood lies? Let's figure it out "by garlic"!

Children are little we

To begin with, it is worth recognizing the obvious fact: all people lie. There are no individuals in the world who, under no circumstances, would never be cunning, deceived, and would not keep silent about the truth.

And children are no exception - sooner or later they start to lie. But (which is gratifying!) They lie not just like that, but for certain reasons - as, in fact, we ourselves. And as long as the child has at least one reason to lie, he will lie. You can read him thousands of lectures about virtuous truth and insidious lies, and even - but you will not eradicate lies from the child's behavior as long as he has a reason for this ...

Your task, as parents, is by no means to shame your child and force him to tell only the truth in the future - this is generally one of the stupidest parenting mistakes: trying to raise a perfectly truthful child in a world where everyone lies. Your task is to understand the reasons why the child is lying to you personally or to other people, and learn how to properly respond to the child's lies.

You still need to grow up to lies!

As psychologists have found out, at different ages, children lie for different reasons. Moreover, there are periods when children's lies are not harmful at all, but on the contrary - a great benefit. But the opposite situations also happen - when children's lies and incorrect parental behavior destroy the relationship between children and parents, alienating them from each other ...

So how and when do children lie? And why - we will tell you a little below ...

Psychologists have identified 3 main age intervals that are related to child lies:

From birth to about 3 years of age: at this age, children do not know how to lie at all, it is not given to them physiologically. The child's brain at this age is able to retain attention only on one object - and only on that which the child saw in reality. Lies, lies (even the most primitive ones) are always fiction, something that does not exist in reality, and the baby's brain is not yet capable of creating such a "complex" image.
From 3 to 4-4.5 years old: psychologists call this childhood "a period of positive lies." At this age, the child's brain learns to create images, fantasize and invent something that does not exist in reality - this is how the foundations of abstract thinking are laid. At this stage, lying is just a phase in the development of the child's brain. The kid convinces you that a funny people live under his bed, and the venerable architect invents new cities - the mechanism of the brain of both one and the other is the same in this case. Therefore, in any case, do not scold, and do not punish a child at this age for his addiction to writing fables, because right now his creative potential is being formed in him. This is the only age when lying helps a child - it teaches him, develops and entertains.
From 4.5-5 years old and older: it is at this age that the child first begins to deliberately deceive and lie. Most often - on everyday, everyday issues (he lied that he did his homework, and he sat down to watch TV; skipped the school trip, but said that it was canceled, etc.). And if before you decidedly had nothing to worry about, then starting from the age of 5, a child who lies should cause you a certain concern and attention. Let's talk about this in more detail.

So, your baby has reached the age of 5, and one day you caught him lying. And it’s obvious to you - this is no longer a colorful, magical fantasy about curly forest fairies who supposedly sometimes fly to your balcony. This is already a real "rude" everyday lie. And if a sweet fantasy before only touched and touched you, now his lies cause you annoyance, irritation, and sometimes parental anger. As a rule, at the very beginning, the children lie on little things: they forgot their diary at school and had to return (and he drove the ball on the field), they did not give marks today (and the deuce was in his pocket), he honestly had lunch (and the food itself I fed it to the dog), broke the neighbor's window ("it's not me"), my dad is an astronaut (but in fact - a postman), etc.

Before being indignant and raging, parents should think: why is the child lying? What prevents him from being truthful? Fear of punishment, shame, alienation of peers, secret desires or something else - children's lies always have specific reasons. By understanding them, and influencing them, you can thereby save your child from the need to lie - not always, and not in everything, but for the most part ...

So, the most common reasons why children lie:

For fear of punishment. This is the most common reason why a child is lying. Do you punish him for bad grades in school? Are you scolding for a broken vase? Do you cut off communication with your friends because of the lessons you haven't done? Having learned to compose and fantasize, the child is now looking for a way to hide his "atrocities" from you, in the hope that he will be able to avoid punishment.
For fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed. For example, a 10-year-old boy likes a classmate, and he would like to treat her to dessert in a cafe, or give her a stuffed rabbit. The child is afraid that you will laugh at him, or simply will not understand his naive attachment - therefore he comes up with a story for you about "raising money at school for new curtains" ... Or, let's say, like this: you persistently force your son to do ballroom dancing, and at school he lies that he goes to karate - the boy does not get any benefit from this lie, he simply fears ridicule from his classmates.
Feelings of shame or self-doubt. As a rule, it is for this reason that children lie about their parents, about the material status of the family, about the presence of expensive toys in their home, etc. The child wants to establish himself in the company of his peers, to seem "cool" or, at least, "no worse than others." Children of workers come up with parents - bankers, intelligence officers and artists ... A child who is ashamed in front of his parents for a failed test is lying - they say, the whole class did not pass. A child who cannot climb a tightrope may lie about having some kind of ailment, etc.
Often children lie fearing an incorrect, tactless reaction from the parents... For example, it is easier for a child to lie or keep silent about his poor performance at school than to listen to expressions and assessments from you such as: "All children are like children, and why are you such a fool?", "Unlucky at all!" running competitions, for fear of your impartial assessments in case of failure.
To get what you want. For example, a child wants to get a new phone model from you - and he is lying that the old one was stolen from him on the bus.
Finally, sometimes kids lie out of solidarity or for protection... A well-known story: a child does not want to be branded as a sneak among his classmates, or is trying to shield his friends - that is why he is lying.

If we combine all the reasons with one common feature, then we can say that most often children lie, obeying the "instinct" of psychological self-preservation. Thus, the child protects his hobbies, his feelings, his self-confidence, his status. Every child's lie is a kind of line of defense ... As a loving and wise parent, eliminate the "threat" from which the child involuntarily defends himself with the help of lies, and you will gradually wean him from lying ...

And finally, one cannot ignore such a "variety" of liars as "pathological liars." Among children, they are also found, albeit extremely rarely - psychologists say that in a crowd of 10 thousand children, only 2-3 children are such. These children always lie for any reason, without any objective reason, and, as a rule, they are the subject of keen interest of neurologists and psychiatrists.

How to respond to children's lies: instructions for parents of children over 6 years old

First, let's talk about children over 6 years old - about those who, in a year and a half of their lives, have not only "learned" to lie, but have also practiced this craft properly. That is, about children who lie already quite consciously and for certain reasons.

As a rule, children have absolutely no reason to lie if their parents are adequate, loving, patient and understanding. The warmer and more trusting relations in the family (not only between children and parents, but in general between all household members), the more sincere, honest and open children grow up in it. Remember, no matter what happens, you must always be on the side of the child, and not in contradiction with him. If a child sees in you protection, comfort, warmth, custody and care, then he simply will not have a reason to lie to you - this also fits into the concept of the “instinct” of self-preservation of his personality.

If you see and understand the reason why your baby suddenly turned into something like Pinocchio, there is no other way to make him stop lying, except to eliminate this reason. And often it requires a fair amount of effort on your part.

If the child is lying for fear of punishment, learn. Stop deliberately shaming the child, reprimanding him beyond measure, criticizing, and also do not impose your ambitions and aspirations on the child. In other words, a child can rudely and constantly lie to you about everything in the world just because you dream of raising a second Nureyev out of him, but he actually likes steam locomotives.
Never try to deliberately catch your child in a lie - this provocative behavior will not add trust and warmth to your relationship.
Don't lie to yourself! Think one day about how often you yourself lie to your child? Lying about why you don't buy him a new toy or new sneakers; why he shouldn't go for a walk in the neighboring area; about where the grandmother disappeared six months ago, and so on. Or show him your lie: “Please, take off the phone and tell me that I’m not at home” ... And, mind you, in these situations you yourself deftly find an excuse for your lies and do not feel guilty before the child ... So why Then the child should be held accountable if he lies to you?
Never miss an opportunity to sincerely admire your child - his victories and successes, his creative attempts (drawings, dancing, singing), his quick wit and obedience. And in the same way, support your child in case of failure. And not only in words! If the kid does not go with math, cheer him up, and then devote a couple of your evenings to studying mathematics for grade 3, shoulder to shoulder with your child.

What to do when toddlers are just starting to lie

Novice liars are a special breed. On the one hand, they are still so naive and adorable in this new role, on the other, this behavior already requires an adequate parental reaction.

So, at the end of the age period of inventions and fantasies - that is, at the turn of 5-5.5 years - the child begins to actively lie about the little things. Psychologists call this stage of growing up “everyday lies”.

Why a child is lying at this age is not so important yet, often he cannot “attribute” any special reasons to his lies. He's just playing. Surely, you are familiar with the following picture: in front of the parents' eyes, the child dropped the bowl from the table, and it broke. “Why did you do this?” - ask the kid. And he smiles and says: "This is not me." For you, lies are obvious, but for a child it is a kind of game. He probes the waters, finds out what boundaries lie has, to whom, how and in what situations he could lie, and what will follow ...

In other words, for the personality of a 5-year-old child, lying is a new skill, a new area of knowledge, and he is actively studying it. Naturally, at first, he studies with the help of the game. He lies and looks - whether it worked or not. He does not want to go to bed during the day, insisting: “I have already slept today, even twice!”, Tears off the doll's head and points at the dog: “It was she who bit off the head,” and so on. It is very important here that your reaction is not negative: refrain from swearing, punishments and lectures, remain calm.

While the child is just "learning" to lie (and this is a very short period - only about a year), it is very important to keep him in a certain balance: in half of the cases, children's lies should work, in half - not.

Thus, you have to believe the child (even with the most obvious and absurd lies), then no. In this case, the child will not form stereotypes about lying (here the grandma always believes me - she can easily lie). A child at this age practices lying and gropes for its boundaries - and your task as a parent is to prevent the formation of these boundaries.

The very first time, as soon as you are faced with the fact that the child lied to you, you need to agree with him. Let your child know that you believed him, even if you know exactly what really happened. Next time, you must disbelieve the child. And express it to him, but in a calm and tactful manner.

Tell the kid in a friendly way that you don’t believe him, that you know for sure that it was he who broke the cup, and not the neighbour's cats, but talk to him in such a manner as if you don’t care too much about it. So, balance between "believe" and "do not believe", while your baby is studying in detail this facet of communication - a lie.

Observing these simple rules, you will achieve the ideal attitude of your child to lying. First, the kid will dream up to his heart's content, developing the skills of abstract thinking. A little later, at the age of 4-5 years, he will learn to lie and practice a little in this: he will find out what the reaction to a lie can be, understand the difference between truth and fiction, learn to recognize lies from other people. If he had not had this skill, he would have had a difficult time in his future life - in a world where all people lie from time to time, at least in little things ...

But your tact, love and care will create conditions under which the child will be able to lie, but will not use this skill - he simply will not have a reason for this.

What our children do not come up with! Even a storyteller would envy their fantasies!

Surely all parents have already encountered the first fictional or embellished stories of their little ones. But the very moment comes when you realize that the child is no longer just fantasizing , but develops his abilities as a professional liar.

Then parents begin to worry, not knowing how to wean their child from such an unpleasant habit. Often we do not think that it is our attitude, upbringing, or reaction to the problem that is aggravating.

Why is the child lying

If the growing offspring began to deceive their parents more often, most likely he stopped trusting them or is simply afraid of negative reactions for a misdemeanor. It is very important for him to know that you will not scold him. Express dissatisfaction with the child's behavior, not with him as a person.

Scientists have found that a 4-year-old child lies about once every two hours, and a six-year-old - every 90 minutes. Lying "through the mouth of a baby" appears at the age of 3, and by the age of 4-6, children achieve perfection in this.

I am afraid of you!

The most common reason children lie is fear of parental screaming or punishment ... When the child realized that because of the broken toy, the mother would swear (take away sweets, put them in a corner, not let them go outside, etc.), then the next time in such a situation he will lie. He will say that he does not know where the broken truck is, or that adult boys took it away in the yard, although the car will be under his bed.

What to do... If lying has become a habit for the child, don't put up with it ... Have a heart-to-heart talk with him, without accusations and irritability: “Let's agree that you will tell me that you did something wrong. Do not be afraid. I will try not to get very angry and I will be very glad that you told me the truth "... Be sure to follow through on a promise, even if the offspring does something truly terrifying.

Great dreamer

Children can often exaggerate to win the respect of peers talking about an actor brother or sister in America. To make them sound “cool,” our offspring say that their parents easily let them go out late with older friends. This is done mainly by children of 7-8 years old when they want to impress their classmates.

Always emphasize how important honesty is in your family. Tell your child that you appreciate it when people tell the truth and get very upset when they lie.

What to do... If you notice that the child often lies about his adventures, know: life seems boring to him , but to himself he seems weak, stupid and unworthy of more. Ask your child about their fictional friends and accomplishments, but don't show negative reactions ... Ask him how he would like to spend the day off. Try to understand what a son or daughter is so lacking in life. If you find the answer, solve the problem.

Parents-provocateurs

Every parent has had to lie in front of a child ... For example, refuse to lend money to a neighbor or turn off the phone so as not to talk to the boss. If you require the child to always tell the truth and at the same time demonstrate this conflicting behavior , nothing good will come of it. At the very least, the child will feel an internal contradiction and will not know what to do next time. As a maximum, he will stop trusting adults.

What to do... If the growing offspring constantly deceives, ask him again again: “Are you sure it was? Tell the story again "... As a result of the repeated story, some inaccuracies, new facts and fresh fruits of fantasy will definitely surface.

Another trick can be used: let your child know that you are aware of what is happening ... Angry question: "Who scattered all the shadows in the bathroom?" replace with calm "I know you took my makeup"... It turns out that the main words have already been pronounced, and you can continue the conversation in completely different tones. So the child will understand that it is safe to speak the truth , and after a while he will stop cheating.

Lies cannot be punished

If you punish a child for lying, he will decide: you are shouting because you have learned the truth. Then the conclusion will be fixed in the subconscious of the child: the truth must be carefully hidden. The child decides that it was not the lie, but the truth that angered the mother. ... He will not stop lying, he will just make sure that the parents do not know anything about it.

Elena Makarenko, child psychologist: “Remember yourself at this age. Surely a neighbor's dog ate the diaries, and a gust of wind broke the vase. Do not be angry with the child or punish him. Remember how you yourself felt in a similar situation, and how you did not want to be scolded. And learn to distinguish childhood fantasy (which can be useful) from the desire to avoid punishment. Sometimes a child just comes up with stories that have never happened to him in his life - in this case, try to make him as diverse as possible. "

A child will be honest with his parents when he:

I am sure that under no circumstances will mom and dad humiliate him;
is not afraid of parental anger or rejection by them;
knows that he will be supported in a difficult situation, will advise the right way out of it;
confident that (if followed) will be reasonable and fair;
knows that in a disputable situation, his parents will take his side;
I am sure that there is trust between him, mom and dad.

Try to always emphasize how important honesty is in your family. Tell your child that you appreciate it when people tell the truth and get very upset when they lie.

Praise your child for honesty. After all, it is better to teach him not to lie than to constantly punish for minor offenses. Good luck in this difficult, but quite doable endeavor!

Expert Video Tips: How to Wean Your Child from Lying

Boasting. Almost all kids want to lie to their peers for everyone's admiration. After all, which of the children of 7-8 years old will not be surprised and envy the words of a friend or girlfriend that “Sister studies in England” or “Father is a very cool businessman, walks with security and makes millions a day”? That is to say, the guys lie for the sake of image and envy. After all, you must agree, it's nice when hundreds of admiring glances look at you.
Fear. Fear of punishment for a certain act pushes the baby to lie. Every person in childhood did not want to get into a corner, and he was afraid of his father's belt like fire. This is what prompts the kid to lie. It is much more convenient to blame everything on the cat that broke the vase, or on a friend who went to visit and ate all the sweets.
Fear will upset you. It is possible that it was you or someone close to you who almost made the baby lie. He loves you. And he does not want to upset with his assessments or behavior. This is most likely due to the fact that you showed too much emotion and took everything to heart.
Lack of attention. Again, it is quite possible that again you are to blame for the child's lies. The toddler needs attention and communication, and sometimes parents often disappear at work or sit in front of the TV.
Fantasy. This is perhaps the best reason for lying. If your child is absolutely lying for this reason, then you can rejoice. Most likely, your child will grow up to be an interesting person with a rich inner world. It is quite possible that your baby will become a world classic.

2. Talk to your child

It is important to talk to your child. Sit next to him and tell him straight out that you know about the lie. Find out the reason for the lie. Promise that you will not punish the child. This is very important as some children are very afraid of being punished.

Also, do not forget to say that you love him or her very much, and you will not love less from his fault. When talking, in no case scold or blame the crumb. After, tell us how you should have behaved in such a situation. Add that you will always come to his help and he or she can rely on you.

After a few such conversations, having won the child's trust, he will stop deceiving you. In such situations, it is important and necessary not to lose trust. Then it will get much more difficult. If you get it at all.

If the child has already become a teenager, then provide him with your own, personal life, which you should not get into. Such a child has practically formed a personality. And this person does not want an invasion of his life.

3. Identify the lies during the conversation

When trying to deceive, the child will not look you in the eye. Just ask him to look you in the eye. At the very first phrase, you will understand everything.
When lying, the child will feel insecure, shift from foot to foot, and also constantly itch.
The child will stutter constantly.
Ask to repeat everything he said. More often than not, the cheater will not be able to do this.
If the offspring is lying, then the expression on his face will change, and his cheeks will turn red.
It is possible that hands behind your back or in your pockets could be signs of lying.
A finger near the mouth or nose signals that his words are lies.

4. If the lie is persistent

As mentioned above, talk to your child. Don't punish. This applies to corporal punishment as well as to everyone else. Do not shout at him, do not threaten with something. It can get stuck in your head as a bad reaction to the truth.

It is also not necessary to force to speak from under a stick. So, the child can, on the contrary, move away from you.

Don't focus only on positive emotions. Negative ones can and should be considered the norm. If he sees that such a mood only upsets you or even makes you angry, then he will not speak the truth.

It is possible that the main reason for lying is improper upbringing.

Teach your child to deal with the consequences. For example, after breaking a vase, you need to remove the fragments.
Always remain an authority and role model for your child. Tell him the truth more often, with the words, "I want to confess ...". This will show him how good it is to be honest.
Be sure to praise your child.

Remember, there is simply no one way to stop lying. Every child is unique.
The help of a specialist is required if a child is lying at the age of 10 for any reason. This can signal possible illnesses.
If the liar is not older than 5 years old, make a joke. Laugh at this together.
Forceful methods when dealing with a teenager's lie will only alienate him.
Only talk in private. The parent who the child trusts should be the one to talk. Tell us about how unpleasant it is to communicate with a liar. Give examples from your personal life. Explain to him that if the deception is revealed, he will be in an uncomfortable position. And honesty in dealing with people is very much appreciated.
Keep your emotions in check. Be discreet and calm. Show no emotion. Especially sadness, anger, or longing.

Start with yourself

Most often, the child learns about the opportunity to tell a lie at home. At the parents. So, before you start to wean your child from lying, wean yourself from it. And it would be nice to do this to everyone else close to the child, such as grandfather, grandmother, uncle, aunt, and so on.

Parents are alarmed and frightened by their children's lies. What punishment can be applied by relatives, what exactly scares you and why is the child lying at 10 years old? Most people turn to psychologists for advice on lying to children. It's one thing when a baby is cheating, another is if it is a offspring at the age of ten. Here you will definitely have to figure out the reasons that prompted this. Child psychologists believe that mostly lies are due to.

Aggressive behavior of parents is one of the main reasons that cause a feeling of fear in a student. The environment in which the parents of the child grew up also leaves its mark. In some families, it is taken for some kind of misdemeanor, whether it is an untimely made bed, a briefcase not collected, a bucket full of rubbish, homework is not completed, for which the child may receive a slap in the face or a slap in the face. The worst thing in such families is if a child brings an unsatisfactory grade or a diary entry about bad behavior and the need for parents to come to school. The fear of reprisals forces the student to hide everything from his parents, to rip out a leaf in the diary and think that everything will somehow be forgotten by itself and will get better. Thus, children are drawn into a vicious circle. After all, if lies are revealed at the parent meeting, then retribution will be inevitable. For a student, this is fraught not only with physical violence, but also with punishment in the form of being locked in a room, not watching TV, using a computer, etc.

And if the reason is the parents' divorce?

The imbalance of the psyche after divorce in women is a common reason that the child is lying. When, the strongest trauma is inflicted primarily on children who cannot understand why dad left them. Sometimes such injuries remain for life, because when the baby is 2 years old, he does not understand that the father has left the family, but when the son or daughter is already 10 years old, the divorce hurts the children. In providing for the family, caring for its members, but not all women cope with this fate.

Very often, weak women have a mental breakdown, and they begin to blame the children for the fact that their husband left them. The worst thing is when such mothers “rip off evil” on their children, blaming schoolchildren for everything. Often, such mothers use comparison methods not in favor of their children, emphasizing the superiority of their peers as more intelligent, adapted. In response to such criticism, a ten-year-old man begins to deceive, because he wants to be praised. A common mistake of divorced women is that they try to make little soldiers out of their children by harshly giving them orders and demanding unquestioning observance.

Such a mother in the morning screams at the top of her voice - wake up! The child's natural reaction will be to lie that he is sick and cannot go to school, or that there are no first lessons. Things are even worse in such a family with homework checking. The woman will not have enough time to study with children, because now she is preoccupied with looking for additional income and a new spouse. Such children, as a rule, remain in the second year of school, and the mother can only find out about this next fall.

Parental vanity

Parental vanity is a pretext that promotes lying among 10-year-olds. Some mothers see their children as winners of various Olympiads and sports competitions, although the abilities of their offspring leave much to be desired. In this case, children will lie, starting with their academic performance and ending with non-existent victories in all kinds of competitions. Psychologists assure that children are afraid to disappoint their parents, who so want to see their daughter or son as an excellent student. Children want to be leaders, the best in the class, and they boast about things that do not exist - good grades, exemplary behavior - this is not a complete list of imaginary successes.

In the case of exposing a lie, all the blame falls on the neighbor on the desk, that he interfered with the test work, distracted with questions. The opinion of psychologists is that boastful children are those who did not have enough love, and adolescents so want to be loved by their parents for their good studies or winning the Olympics. In order not to upset the father or mother, some sons come up with victories in sports.

The role of your own example

Lying parents provokes systematic, which copy their actions. Some parents are not themselves examples of honesty. When communicating on the phone or when calling the apartment, unwanted people ask the child to say that no one is at home. Sometimes the mother asks her child to tell the grandmother that they are leaving so as not to invite the mother-in-law for the New Year. The child learns that lying is good, and begins to lie himself when it becomes beneficial. In the future, he will lie to teachers at school and his classmates, and this will become a habit.

Reminders of lies by adults are often the reason the child's reputation as a liar is cemented. Sometimes the parents themselves lose money or valuable gold things, not realizing that they have shifted everything to another place, they begin to accuse their child of stealing and lying, remembering that he was previously caught in a lie. No matter how the child is justified, they do not believe him. So adults do not blame themselves for the absent-mindedness and lack of order in the apartment, but shift the blame onto the minor, offending him with their distrust. Often later, adults apologize to the children, but the subconscious of the children has already remembered that they are considered liars, thieves, and they, without noticing, begin to deceive adults. Often scolding your children means helping them lie, dodge, because they have already completely lost the trust of adults.

Parents' tendency to overprotectiveness is a provocation of children's lies in order to fight for their rights.

In many families, they very much take care of their children, forgetting that they have already grown up and have their own opinion, their own point of view. Trying to defend their rights and not be ridiculed by classmates, children resort to lies to establish priorities.

In the case when the spouse has not yet left, however, the conflict is brewing and divorce cannot be avoided, with a nervous breakdown of the mother, minors may begin to lead an immoral lifestyle associated with peers, endless lies, and animals. This is the last chance to stop the disintegration of the family. This is the "cry from the heart" of the child to his parents, a call to change their minds and save the family. It happens that this behavior is noted when the mother gets married a second time and a new family member is born, to whom all attention is directed, and the older child expresses his protest in this way.

How can you prevent lies?

Measures to prevent lying in children:

do not lie yourself;
do not promise what you cannot fulfill;
do not allow aggression, assault, do not raise your voice during a conversation and do not break into a shout;
establish a trusting relationship with your child;
do not compare your son or daughter with more successful peers;
consider his opinion, but do not overprotect;
participate in solving your child's problems so that he does not feel lonely.

Parents should remember that children are the closest and dearest to you, say as often as possible how you love and worry about them. Take care of all family members, including grandparents. Do not ignore the remarks of elders in the presence of children, otherwise an opinion will form that such behavior is the norm. If a son or daughter is guilty, then you should not remember this for a long time, recalling the incident at convenient times. After all, even criminals in prison have the right to amnesty. It is necessary to reprimand for a misdemeanor, but not to pass on to the personality of the child.

All parents want their children to be honest. Moreover, moms and dads are sure that this quality should be present in a child from birth, by itself. Regardless of how the parents behave.

Naturally, the disappointment of moms and dads defies description when they discover that the child is growing up as a far from ideal child, and lying becomes a habit.

Where to look for the roots of this problem, and how to deal with it?

Reasons for children's lies - why is your child constantly deceiving you?

According to experts in the field of psychology, a child's lie is one of the first symptoms of distrust of parents or the presence of a serious problem in the external or internal world of the child.

Even a seemingly innocent lie has a hidden reason.

For example…

Afraid of being exposed. The child hides a certain action (s) because he is afraid of punishment.
Embellishes to make it look more special. It is quite common among children when any story is embellished, exaggerated or belittled according to the situation. The reason is the desire to attract more attention to yourself. Usually, among the braggart, 99% of the children are under-praised and disliked.
He just likes to fantasize. Fantasies are typical of children at the very youngest age and around 7-11 years old, when children try to "finish drawing" what they lack in life.
Trying to ... For these purposes, children use lies only when their parents "buy" on it. For example, “my dad allowed me to watch cartoons until the evening,” “my grandmother said that she would take my toys away,” “yes, I did my homework, can I take a walk?”, “I have a headache, I can't brush my teeth,” and so on.
Covers brother (sister, friends). Such a “lie to save another person” is not a tragedy. And even on the contrary - to some extent a feat. After all, the baby deliberately goes into a possible conflict with his parents in order to save another person from punishment.
Afraid of disappointing parents. When mom and dad set the standards too high, the child becomes jittery and jittery. He is afraid to stumble, make a mistake, bring a three or a remark, and so on. Any disapproval of parents for such a child is a tragedy. Therefore, wanting to please them or out of fear of punishment / disappointment, the child is sometimes forced to lie.
Expresses protest. If a child has not only trust but also respect for his parents, then lying becomes just one of the ways to demonstrate his disdain towards them, revenge for inattention, etc.
Lies "as he breathes." Such cases of unmotivated lies are the most difficult and, as a rule, hopeless. The child often lies, if not always, and this lie is part of his character, his ineradicable habit. The child usually does not think about the consequences, but they, in general, do not bother him. Usually, such children do not stop lying even after being publicly convicted of lying and grow up to be serious liars.
Takes an example from parents. For example, a mother does not love her mother-in-law and says bad words about her. The child who hears these words is asked - "Don't tell grandmother." Or, instead of a zoo, dad takes the child to an adult shooting gallery, where the pacifist mom categorically forbids him to drive, and dad asks the child - "he doesn't tell mom." Etc. Cases of parental lies, which they do not even notice, in front of the child's eyes for only 1 day - a cart and a small cart. Naturally, the child will not consider the education of honesty in himself necessary when mom and dad lie without a twinge of conscience.

It should be noted that the reasons for lying at each age are different ...

For example, a 3-4 year old baby just fantasizes. Do not stop your child from passing off their stories as the truth - this is part of the game and growing up. But be on the lookout - watch and keep your finger on the pulse so that fantasies do not over time develop into a habit of lying all the time.
After 5 years of age, the child begins to gradually distinguish between false and true, and also practice his own. This age is the most important for establishing trusting contact with a child. If now the child receives jabs and slaps (even psychological ones) for any wrongdoing, then the fear of telling the truth will only take root in him, and the parents will lose the child's trust completely.
7-9 years old. This is the age when children have secrets, and when they need their own personal space, where they are the only owners. Give your kids freedom. But talk about the boundaries of reason and warn that freedom does not mean permissiveness. Now the child will try his parents for strength in all ways, including lies - this is the age.
10-12 years old. Your child is almost a teenager. And he perfectly understands the difference between lies and truth. They lie at this age simply with inspiration - and you won't even understand that they lied to you. What for? Then, the period of formation of oneself in society begins. And children want to take a more solid place in it, for which "all means are good." Control the situation, talk to the child more often, be his friend and remember that you no longer have the right to brazenly get into the child's personal life - wait until you are invited into it. If you were a good parent in previous years, then you will always be welcome there.
Over 12 years old. This is the age when the child demands autonomy from the parents. A period of self-affirmation begins, and the psychological load on the child greatly increases. Usually a child at this age has 1-3 people to whom he fully reveals himself, and parents do not always enter into this “circle of trust”.

What is categorically not recommended to say and do if the child is lying - advice from psychologists to parents

If you care whether your child becomes a liar or an honest person, and you are determined to fight against lies, then, first of all, remember what not to do:

Use methods of physical punishment. This is not a case where "a good spanking does not hurt." However, there are no good cases for whipping. If a parent picks up a belt, this does not mean that the child is out of hand, but that the parent is too lazy to engage in full-fledged upbringing of the child. Lying is a signal for you to pay attention to the child. Find the root of the problem, don't fight the windmills. In addition, punishment will only increase the child's fear of you, and you will listen to the truth even less often.
Count on the fact that after your educational conversation about the dangers of lying, everything will change dramatically ... Will not change. You will have to explain it many times, proving the rightness with examples from life and personal example.
Lie to yourself. Even the slightest lie of parents (in relation to other people, in relation to the child himself, in relation to each other) gives the child the right to do the same. Be honest yourself, and only then demand honesty from the child. Honesty also includes keeping promises made to a child.
Disregard lies. Of course, you don't need to throw yourself at the child. But it is imperative to react to a lie. Think about what your reaction should be, so as not to frighten the child, but to encourage a dialogue.
Find out the relationship with the child in public. All serious conversations - only in private!

What if the child is cheating, how to wean the child from lying?

The most important advice when talking about raising a child comes down to one single axiom -. Educate yourself, not your baby. And looking at you, the baby will grow up and honest, and fair, and kind.

If you nevertheless overlooked your child, and the struggle with the little liar has already begun, take note of the recommendations of the experts:

Be a friend to your child. It is clear that, first of all, you are a parent, who must sometimes be harsh and strict for the sake of the child's safety. But try to combine a parent and a friend for your child. You must become the person to whom the child comes with his problems, sorrows, complaints and joys. If your child trusts you, if he gets the support he needs from you, he won't lie to you.
Don't be too hard. The child should not be afraid to tell you the truth. Encourage truth. If your toddler admits that he accidentally ruined your paperwork while watering flowers, painting, or feeding the cat, don't yell at him. Thank you for the truth and ask to be more attentive in the future. The child will never admit what he had done if he knows that the truth will be followed by punishment or even mother's hysteria.
Don't make promises you can't keep. A word that was not kept is tantamount to a lie for a child. If you promised to play with your child for a couple of hours in the evening, the child will wait for the evening and count these hours. If you promise to go to the cinema this weekend, break yourself up, but take your child to the cinema. Etc.
Talk to your child about your family prohibition system. But in this system of prohibitions there should ALWAYS be exceptions. Categorical prohibitions make you want to break them. Leave the child with loopholes that are allowed by family "law". If there are only prohibitions around the child, then a lie is the least thing you will encounter.
Look for reasons in any difficult situation. Do not rush into battle and re-education without understanding the situation. There is a reason for every action.
Talk to your child more often about how a lie can turn out to be for a person. Show thematic cartoons / films, give personal examples - do not forget to talk about your emotions at the moments when your lies were exposed.
Do not beat or scold children for deuces. If the child brought a deuce, you should prepare more carefully for lessons with him. A deuce of a child is a lack of attention from parents. It is much more effective to repeat the material for which a deuce was obtained and retake it. Teach your child not to freak out because of bad grades, but immediately look for ways to correct them.
The child should clearly understand that the mother is more likely to be upset because of lies. than because of the act that he is trying to hide.
If a child constantly exaggerates his merits - it means that he has nothing to stand out among his peers. Find an activity for your child in which he can be successful - let him have his own honest reason for pride in himself, not a fictional one.

Your child is your continuation and repetition. It depends on your honesty and your attention to the child how truthful the child will be, and how open he will be with you.