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I want to find new friends and girlfriends. Where to find friends for an adult? Be prepared to lose everyone: being alone is not shameful

Photo: William Perugini/Rusmediabank.ru

Wells of folk wisdom proverbs do not get tired of repeating, they say, a friend is more valuable than money, life is tight without friends, and that a person without comrades is like a tree without roots. And what about an adult who cannot boast of wealth in the form of friendships? Don't despair!

kindred circle

It seems that you already know your relatives inside and out. But do not forget that the relatives have their own social circle, in which you may not yet be included. Joint holidays, trips to nature, family celebrations can be a good reason to build friendly bridges. At the same time, you can take a closer look at potential comrades in an informal setting.

However, finding new friends in the prime of life is still half the battle. You are faced with another strategic task - to build the correct line of behavior. Please note the following helpful tips:

Good relationships are not built by magic, so it pays to be patient. Strong bonds can take weeks or even months to build;

- do not go too far in the form of flattery in the early stages of convergence. People are pleased to hear kind words addressed to them, but they must be sincere and come from the heart;

Also do not curry favor with a new acquaintance, but it is also not necessary to show in relation to him. Friendship is communication of equals, not proof of superiority;

- keep your distance. That is, you should not plunge headlong into a new friendship, sacrificing personal interests. Also, you do not need to demand unceasing attention to your person from a newly-made comrade. Such communication is tiring;

- Be yourself a good friend and a nice person. Attitude towards you is made up of little things, so be punctual, tidy, cheerful in spirit, do what you love. No one wants to make friends with losers and whiners;

Don't focus on one person. Maintain friendly relations with all the people you like. One friend for life is, of course, good, but one should not write off those who are ready to become a good friend.

Friendship at any age is a wonderful phenomenon. It helps us to develop, to find meaning in existence, to endure life's hardships more easily. Just do not despair if at this stage you cannot boast of such wealth. Take a look around, and life itself will tell you in which direction to move.

In kindergarten, at school and at the university, friends appear on their own. In 10–20 years, you won’t even remember why you became friends. And this is not surprising: at the age of 20, we spend with friends from 10 to 15 hours a week. Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor. Time spent in leisure activities in 2014, by gender, age, and educational attainment .. And then we plunge into work, start families ... It is difficult to find time even for morning exercises, not to mention regular meetings.

And it turns out that in the evenings there is no one to even chat with. Some of my friends left for another city, interests diverged with someone. Communication with colleagues and family is not enough.

Comparison of the severity of loneliness experienced by 255 Canadian men and 431 women with the characteristics of their love-romantic, family, friendship and companionship showed that the feeling of loneliness is most closely associated with a lack of friendships.

Igor Kon, "Friendship: An Ethical and Psychological Essay"

So many have to look for new friends. It's not easy because there is no time. Social networks, of course, help to maintain acquaintances. But subscribing to someone's news does not mean becoming a friend. How to find loved ones on the Internet?

Look for friends where they may be

The first tip for finding friends on the Internet is to choose services that will really help you find “your” person. You will not wait for a tram in the street without paved tracks or fish in the pool. The same principle works in social networks.

Users of social networks have long known that each of them has its own rules of the game. Some networks emphasize professional communication, they need to look for colleagues, artists and investors, not friends. Others help to find people with whom contact is lost. Not bad to find out how things are going, but if you haven't talked to a person for many years, then this is not the best recommendation for friendship.

Finding new people with similar interests is the network's specialty. People are found in it not by last name and not by the date of graduation from the university, but by interests and geolocation.

Create a profile with a real name

When a person views your profile on a social network, he gets to know you. And when meeting, it is customary to introduce yourself by your real name. This is a requirement of etiquette and banal politeness, and a polite and respectful attitude towards another person is necessary to establish friendships.


Remember how we met in childhood, when finding a friend was easier than ever. No nicknames: they were handed out to us by friends themselves.

Remove cat from avatar

And take the car too. And in general, everything that prevents you from looking at your face. You want to be friends with a real person, not a picture. The same applies to those who are going to communicate with you. Yes, and it's strange - to start a friendship, hiding behind a mask. Be honest and people will be drawn to you.

In MyFriends, putting low-quality avatars is not something that is not accepted, it simply cannot be done. Therefore, you always see who you are going to talk and meet with.


And add cats to the feed, but only your own, and not other people's photos from the Internet.

Post more information about yourself

Remember that somewhere in MyFriends there is a person who is looking for a friend just like you. Help him find you. Fill out the profile as detailed as possible: the service was invented specifically for telling about yourself, and not for collecting likes and reposts.

In MyFriends, there are no reposts of hundreds of identical articles and jokes that fly across all publics at once. - it's personal.

Show off your hobbies

Like it or not, most of the information we receive through vision. In MyFriends, the principle "We will not tell, but we will show" operates. Take pictures and add hashtags to them, which will be a means of searching for interests. The better and clearer each photo is described, the more likely it is that you will be seen by people with similar views.


Write first

Sometimes we get so hung up on old contacts that we can’t just take and write to a stranger. Especially if you need to come up with an introductory word: who are you, why are you writing. But another person may be tormented by the same doubts. Therefore, we must take the initiative into our own hands and start somewhere. For example, just comment on a good photo.

By the way, when you leave an entry in MyFriends, your intentions are already clear: you are looking for a friend, and not gaining subscribers and not promoting the page.

Look for friends nearby

Previously, friends were divided into several categories: friend, buddy, acquaintance. Relatively recently, the concept of "Internet friend" appeared. This is like a friend, but not really.

What prevents virtual friends from becoming real? Distances and exclusively digital communication. Therefore, if you are not satisfied with such a replacement for friendship, look for people living near you. The easiest way is by geolocation. You will be surprised to see how many possible friends live on the same street as you.


This is not the only friend search filter. Choose for yourself who, in your opinion, will make you the best company.

Go to meetings

Remember how much time twentysomethings spend with friends? Yes, more than 10 hours a week. Too much for those over thirty. Why do we meet less often? Yes, because it is becoming more and more difficult to insert a joint trip to a cafe or to the cinema into the schedule. When one is busy, the other is free, and vice versa.

But without personal communication, friendship does not arise. It is with old comrades that you can not see each other for years without changing your attitude towards the person. The new ones will not get closer without conversation, common activity or rest.


Try meeting new people without changing your schedule. For example, you are going to the premiere of a movie. Write on the social network about your desire, someone will join you - that's the reason for the meeting and the way to choose a place and time. In there is a separate option, which is called “Desires”. Offer your options for where to go and what to do, or see who is going to spend time with benefit in the near future. Join and make friends.

Even if you find it difficult to connect with people, you can easily make friends. Just take the first step and you will be surprised how easy it is.

In fact, potential friends surround us everywhere - at the university, at work, even in your porch. Every person can become your friend. Often, only one thing prevents this - each of you does not know the other very well, and you did not find yourself in situations that would bring you together for real. However, it's only a matter of time... and your willingness to take that very first step, to open up to someone.

What does "friendship" mean to you?

It is important to understand what exactly you mean by this concept. Indeed, for some, a friend is someone who is ready to help and give advice in difficult times, and for someone, a person with whom you can have fun and have a good time. But there are many more options. Try to imagine those people whom you could call your true friends (by the way, given that all our thoughts are material, it is likely that in such an unusual way you will “call” them into your life).

Start attracting people to you

There are such "sunny" personalities who instantly captivate others - you want to listen to them, you want to talk with them and just be there. Moreover, there is usually no romantic connotation in this - it's the same as sitting near a cozy fireplace on a cold evening. And you can become that person:

Become the person you yourself would like to be friends with - and people will intuitively begin to reach out to you. And especially those with whom you have the same worldview and principles, those with whom you can easily make friends and carry these warm feelings through your whole life.

How to find your best friend? Be open!

If you live, closed in your "shell" and not letting anyone in, it is unlikely that someone will decide to take you by storm. And rightly so: why impose yourself on a person who does not want to communicate with anyone? Take the first step yourself - it's much easier than you think:

Sign up for some courses or join a thematic club of interest;

· “Pull out” one of your classmates/colleagues for coffee or a simple walk around the city – in a relaxed atmosphere you can talk on different topics and get to know each other better.

Of course, before you can call this person the best friend, a lot of time will pass - because this requires something more than a simple similarity of interests and outlook on life. Do not forget that "a friend in trouble is known" - and only with each difficult situation overcome by common efforts, your relationship will grow stronger.

Important: despite the fact that you have set yourself the goal of finding new friends, you should not “pour out your soul” and tell all the innermost things about yourself to a person whom you do not know very well. Everything should happen calmly and naturally - so that one day you yourself will be surprised to discover how much has been passed and experienced together.

Go with the flow

Of course, like any other relationship, you need to work on friendship - to give something, to do for a person, to be interested in his life, to support him in difficult moments. But life is arranged in such a way that it will not work to keep everyone near you: people change, they have new interests, goals in life, plans, dreams. This is absolutely normal, and there is nothing tragic or unfair in this.

Be there when you need it, but do not try to keep those who do not want to communicate with you - there may come a time when you will begin to communicate well again. Or perhaps this or that person has simply played a role in your life, gave a lesson that was supposed to give. Now the Universe guides both him and you further - each in his own way.

Be open to these changes, because you are always moving towards something better and more than what you have.

Don't be too hard on others

No one owes you anything, just as you don't owe anyone else. If you do not like the behavior and worldview of a person, you have the right to express your opinion, but do not try to change it. Ideal people do not exist. And in fact, this is good, because they would be very predictable and boring personalities.

When you decide to make good friends for yourself, be prepared for the fact that they will not be perfect either - but you will love them no matter what. Someone reacts too emotionally to everything, and someone constantly jokes “off topic” - this is not a mortal sin and not the end of the world, but character traits. Look at them with humor and positiveness - you will be surprised at how much more pleasant and easier it will be for you to live.

Turn virtual communication into real

If you have people with whom you communicate well on the Web, but have never met in your life, why not fill this gap? You already know a lot about each other, you enjoy the communication itself. All that remains is to make it more diverse and transfer it to the real world. Be the initiator! Invite them to go to the cinema, to a cafe, to an interesting exhibition, to go to a music festival together. Don't be afraid to seem intrusive - if you created such an impression, the person would have stopped communicating with you long ago. On the World Wide Web, this is a matter of one click of the mouse.

Understand that you are surrounded by ordinary people

Yes, sometimes it is very awkward to approach a person or company with which you have not communicated before. But when thinking about how to make new friends for yourself, imagine how you would react if someone approached you in the same way. The older a person gets, the more he is sure that he will not "fit" into a new company - but meanwhile everything is just the opposite.

If teenagers in high school often don’t even try to get to know each other better, but choose friends based on the principle of “cool / not cool”, “goes / does not go to parties”, “drinks / does not drink alcohol”, then over time we become much more calm and open to new acquaintances.

Even if you come up and say a phrase from childhood “Can I come with you…?”, you will not be looked at strangely, laughed at or mocked. Most likely, they will even be delighted and themselves will draw you into the conversation.

Realize that you have absolutely nothing to lose

Come, get acquainted, communicate ... it's no more difficult than in childhood. Indeed, even in the respectable Maria Olegovna, who drives an expensive Mercedes, the girl Masha still lives, who loves to walk barefoot on the grass and dreams of going on a trip. And in your neighbor Alexander Valentinovich - the boy Sasha, who would love to go fishing with you.

Think: at your 6-7 years old, would you become afraid and reflective - or would you just come up and start talking to a boy or girl you like?

If communication does not work out, you can safely stop it - and this will not be a crime either. And in the most extreme case, you can go to another city, change your name, hairstyle, find another job and never come back (just kidding).

In any case, cast aside your fears and doubts. Wake up your inner child - he already knows how to find friends around him. And with pleasure will cope with this task!

People become socially active from early childhood. Being small, it was not difficult to find a friend for yourself, because it was enough to come up, reach out and invite them to play together. But the older we get, the harder it is to open up and trust new people. Let's find out how to make friends if you are a very shy, insecure person.

Let's say you have recently become lonely, but at the same time you are open to communication and new acquaintances. As a rule, in such situations, a person begins to think about what kind of friend/partner he would like to meet on his way. For example, if you are a woman, then you probably have a small list in your head. Your person should be witty, smart, have a stable job, value a family and be willing to build one.

When you look at such a list, an equally interesting question arises - where to find such an ideal friend / partner? Then you either join the most relevant dating websites or, conversely, visit local interest groups to find exactly the right person who would fit all of the listed items from the list. So how do you make new friends? First of all, you need to understand what they should be. The list sets you up for the search, so even in a large crowd it is easier to find a good and faithful friend.

If you know who you are looking for, it becomes easier to find them.

This is the most important step in establishing friendships between adults. There are two mistakes people make when it comes to winning the hearts of new acquaintances:

  • First, there is no need to rush. If you don’t get to know a person well, and he gets used to you, after a certain period of disappointment in him, it will be very difficult and painful to break off such a relationship.
  • Secondly, there is little communication. It is like falling in love when people do not offer each other to become someone more, because both understand everything without words. But if you begin to doubt and convince yourself that your new acquaintances do not have time for you, then the unfinished spiritual bridge will quickly burn out.

Flirting helps you learn how to make friends. This is a great way to check if there is a special chemistry between you. Flirting doesn't have to mean the beginning of a romantic relationship. A fun game, teasing each other, finding common topics and connecting to a single wave - this is only a small part of what should be between people who seek to find true friends.

This tip is perfect for parents who don't know how to help their child make friends. It is important that the child is socially active from early childhood. Parents should not forbid children to come into contact with other babies, but rather encourage openness and friendliness.

In no case should you humiliate your child, lowering his self-esteem each time. Instill in him love and kindness, educate him and show that not all people in this world are ready to be as open as he is.

When your child becomes older, he can be sent to any sports section, to an art or music school, to language courses. Where there are always a large number of children, it will be easier for your child to find friends. As a rule, they will be united by common interests, which means that any acquaintance can develop into a good friendship and long-term relationship.

This advice also applies to adults who are looking for ways to make friends. If you feel like you have become lonely and you are sorely lacking in communication, then analyze your interests. Ask yourself questions and find out what you like best, how you would like to spend your free time. If you like knitting, then sign up for specialized courses, join groups where you can consult with different people, share your work and learn something new. If you like to cook, then don't be afraid to improve your skill and invite new acquaintances to a dinner party.

If you want to learn how to make friends, then you have to leave your comfort zone and get out of the house. Of course, thanks to the era of the Internet, you can meet a thousand new faces, but even a few can hardly become real comrades for you.

A great way to make new friends is to become a volunteer. You can care for the elderly, veterans, people with disabilities, orphans, animals, the environment. Most people are ready to help on a voluntary basis, realizing that they will get nothing for it, except for pleasure and self-satisfaction.

You will find new friends of interest, you just have to offer your help in various organizations. The main advantage of volunteering is that all participants try to become part of a huge family, so they often hold marathons, concerts, promotions, picnics and meetings.

As you get older, getting along with strangers becomes more and more difficult. Here are some tips to help you make friends:

  • First, don't be afraid to talk to different people. When you are on the bus, waiting in line for a therapist, helping a girl who slipped on the ice to get up, always try to be open and self-confident.
  • Secondly, feel free to keep up the conversation, discuss the poor performance of utilities and the huge number of patients in the hospital. Often strangers themselves make contact, which often causes you only embarrassment.

Don't forget to look the person in the eye, don't look away. Don't panic if you start a casual conversation. Smile, take your time, take deep breaths before speaking. The interlocutor will stop communicating with you if he notices that this conversation does not cause you satisfaction.

Of course, a good friend can be felt at the level of intuition, but knowledge of human psychology is still necessary. For example, Dale Carnegie's book How to Make Friends and Influence Others tells numerous stories of people who have tried various methods to find new acquaintances. This book is an excellent tool for those who want to learn to listen and hear, not to strain during a conversation and stop being constrained, to become an excellent conversationalist and take a healthy interest in others.