How to find friends from your city. With whom it is better not to be friends. Where to Find Friends of Interest in Real Life

How people become friends

First, let's understand how people become friends? This will be a rather long introduction, but it is important to understand what will be discussed next.

To make friends, future friends need to meet three conditions:

1. Become acquainted
2. To be close to each other
3. Find something in common that unites

This is why it is so easy to make friends as a child. Here you don't even need to look for some special way of how to find friends - they are there themselves. In kindergarten or school, children spend several hours every day together - conditions 1 and 2 are met. Condition 3 also works in most cases, because children, as a rule, easily unite. Some live in a common yard and participate in joint games. Others sit at the same desk and cheat from each other. Still others huddle in flocks, defending themselves against aggressive peers (or, conversely, dominating the weak). Others go to the same clubs or sections.

Saying all this, I understand that there are children who cannot find friends at their age due to their particular character or difficult life situation. If this is your case, then read this article carefully - the information will come in handy. But still, in my opinion, most children have no problem finding at least one friend.

In adulthood, at first glance, there are also many conditions for the emergence of friendship. Studying at the university, subsequent work in a team. If you do not go into details, then at the university or at work, all the same three conditions for the emergence of friendship are observed as in childhood. But what then is the problem, and why do so many people, having gone into adulthood, lack friendship?

There are two problems:

1. Old ties are crumbling

In childhood, we are friends unconsciously, not thinking about how to spend more time with friends? How do you make sure they don't forget you? You just make friends, and that's it. Friendship runs in the background through your life, taken for granted.

But at some point, condition 2 is violated - you no longer have a reason to constantly be together. Perhaps you are moving to another city or enrolling in different educational institutions. Or you are moving to another, distant from another area of ​​the city. Or a friend is moving.

This happened to me in high school - my best friend moved to my stepfather's house. Distance - it was ten minutes walk, now - an hour. He began to go to another school, and after school we went to different cities. We keep in touch, but less and less; he remained a childhood friend, one of the brightest memories. But now we are, in fact, strangers. As in the song of the Caste "Meeting":

... And here he is passing by - some kind of left dude

With a businesslike look and a gloomy tone - in general, a stranger.

How did we communicate before? What brought us together?

Hundreds of trifling little things, but everything has shifted.

The whole person is regenerated in seven years,

The cells that we were made of are not there at all.

2. We become more complex / "grown-up" problems appear

Yes, friendship is simply being supplanted by other things.

From the educational and entertainment mode, we switch to the working mode. In the morning - to the office, in the evening - home, tired. At home - family chores. Spouse, children, household chores, purchases, repairs. At best, there is simply less free time for friends, at worst - there is neither time, nor energy, nor desire. Someone manages to find close friends at work or, as in childhood, in the same house (only the games are already completely childish :), someone does not succeed.

If earlier communication with friends happened somehow spontaneously, then in adulthood everything is more complicated. You can't just go to a friend's house and shout under the window: "Let's go to the football game." You need to call, make an appointment, be sure to go somewhere or hang out at home, but in any case you will have to spend money. Daily companionship disappears, switching to the "on Fridays" or "on holidays" mode. And the other half often begins to pull the blanket over himself: “Why would you go to them? They are already tired of it. " Hundreds of anecdotes have been compiled about this.

I do not consider (yet) friendship over the Internet, because it is something special. This is a good invention, but, in my opinion, online friendship without de-virtualization or at least visual communication via a webcam cannot replace friendship in reality. Just compare chatting with a text string and chatting while in the same room.

Although, on the other hand, complexes are often erased on the network, because of which it is difficult to make friends with someone in real life - lack of confidence in their appearance or speech, modesty, and so on. And here we are already starting to look for some way to find friends.

The best way to find friends

I think this method is the best and have repeatedly tested it myself. Perhaps you will have a different opinion on this matter, but for God's sake.

The method consists of two steps:

1. Join or start a community of shared interests.
2. Start adding value within this community.

The second is more important than the first. You don't have to join to start being useful, it's just that there are always people in communities with whom you can find things in common. By communities of interest, I mean not only clubs - a fishing club or a Mazda club. This is any association of people connected by a common cause.

I will give you my example - it will be about table tennis, and then, in short, a few more examples of my friends.

In 2011, my friends and colleagues and I took a great interest in table tennis. Every day, instead of lunch, we went to play at the sports complex located not far from the office. There were five or six of us, such amateurs, in the office, and after a few months we decided to organize a competition.

We played, formalized the results in the form of a plate, created our own website. Then a couple of weeks later we played again and posted the score again. Then another, and another.

And at some point we decided: let's hold these competitions regularly and invite any newcomers there. It is not difficult to organize an amateur tournament - all participants drop off to rent tables and play for an hour or two according to a tournament scheme. We finalized the site, spammed VKontakte, and now people began to come to our tournaments. At first there were 10 people, then 15 people, and each time there were more and more amateurs.

We called our informal association as follows: “Saratov Amateur Table Tennis League”.

Six years later, more than 500 tennis players play in the league on a permanent basis. About a hundred players come to our weekly tournaments, many of them come from all over the region, we have got sponsors, and the main prize for winning the final annual tournaments is a trip to the all-Russian competitions.

And you just have no idea what crowd of people I met and made friends with. We often meet and communicate outside of tennis, just in a friendly way, and it also turned out that I live with one of the top players in the same entrance. At the same time, I cannot call myself a tough tennis player, I am an extremely lousy player, like those who play out of nothing to do while resting at a camp site. Nevertheless, this did not stop me from getting into the community of like-minded sports people and finding friends among them.

If I were a simple incoming player, I would hardly have made friends. I am an introvert by nature, some acquaintances consider me a beech and misanthrope. But! I have benefited all these people. I took part in organizing tournaments, helping new players and solving problems of old ones, and as time passed, I was simply remembered, recognized and respected for this work, which was carried out in my free time and was not paid in any way. Of course, I'm not the only one who did all this, I'm just talking about myself, because this is my story and my example. There were three of us such organizers at first, later there were more.

So, everything is simple. You are joining a community of interest. And you start to be useful.

A few more examples of where and how my acquaintances found friends in a similar way:

• Joined the local travel community and worked with newbies.
• Joined the running community as a good photographer and did photo essays
• I got interested in bookcrossing, didn't find it in my city, created a group, made friends with a bunch of people.
• Organized film screenings at the Orthodox Youth Club
• I organized intellectual games at first at home, then they began to rent the hall.
• I signed up for a rocking chair and did not refuse help (insure, take a picture, etc.)
• I joined the VKontakte dating group in my city, being a psychologist by education and a sincere person in life, helped with advice and tips. I never found love in her, but found friends.
• Organized a joint venture ("joint purchases", who needs it - he knows what it is)
• I played Allods Online, joined the local Saratov clan, proved to be a reliable ally, and friendships went from online to offline.
• She got carried away with snowboarding, began to communicate with the locals, decided to try sewing snowboard pants and jackets and built a lifestyle business on this.
• He took an active part in student KVN

Let's sum up

If you want to find a good friend, first become a good friend yourself. If you do something for other people, then these people will definitely reach out to you. Join a community of interest and start adding value within that community and you will make new friends. The main thing is, do not forget about the old ones;)

Take a look around. Are there people who are addicted to what you are? How can you benefit them?

Mugs. To do this, you should think carefully about your new hobby. What would you like to do? Music, dance, wrestling, origami or some other kind of creativity? In any of these areas, there is a social circle in which you could not only develop, but also surround yourself with friends of interest.

Language classes. One of the perfect places to not only learn a language, but also expand your circle of acquaintances outside of one country. And, perhaps, in the future you will find a true friend.

"Wellness" places. Take care of your health and sign up for a pool, gym or fitness class. Sports friends will be able to give you not only the necessary communication, but also support you in achieving your goal.

The World Wide Web. You can find many specialized dating sites on the internet. By registering on them, with the help of a convenient search you will find friends with similar interests and with a similar worldview.

Cultural events. Attend various exhibitions, seminars and master classes. Places like this are best for intimate encounters and unexpected acquaintances.

Top 8 Effective Ways to Avoid Losing Your Mental Connection

However, finding a friend is easier than keeping him and not losing him. That is why, in order to maintain friendly relations, there are several ways to help preserve friendship.

Do not, under any circumstances, use friendships for personal gain.

Remember that friendships sometimes require rest, too. Don't be too intrusive, stay up late at a friend's house, and don't call him too often.

Do not criticize, but try to give unobtrusive advice.

Don't be jealous. This human vice can destroy your strong friendship in just a few minutes.

Rejoice sincerely in your friend's success and support him in difficult times.

Stop thinking only about yourself and your problems. You shouldn't mention them often, because if your friend is really real, he will notice everything and support you anyway.

Be "for" your friend in any situation, even if he is wrong. After all, he can always receive negative criticism, but support with the words "everything will be fine, do not worry" - only from a soul mate.

If you are privy to one of the secrets, in no case tell it to anyone. After all, betrayal in friendship is very difficult to forgive.

Do not be offended by a friend if he has a circle of acquaintances, friends, and friends besides you. Don't be possessive.

Don't force your friend to share secrets with you. If he wants, he will tell you everything himself.

Take care of real friends!

Dmitry kurkin

IN THE RUBRIC "BUSINESS" we introduce readers to women of different professions and hobbies that we like or are just interested in. In this issue, Alina Mikhailova, the creator of inSearch App, explains why it became so difficult to coordinate leisure time and why she needed to create a mobile application for finding a company without dating subtext.

Loneliness on social media

On social networks, you can find like-minded people with any interests, but the search takes a very long time. We often fail to quickly contact those who can go somewhere with you today or tomorrow. You can write in a personal message, but it takes a long time, and people are unlikely to be pleased to make excuses why they cannot go with you - although they may have many reasons for their own. When we talk about strangers, we are faced with the fact that behind the offer to go somewhere hides a hint of a romantic date. To clarify this, you also need to spend time on correspondence.

Friends in social networks - hundreds and thousands, but with whom to go to try something new - you do not know

From what I've seen with friends on social networks, they usually delete their posts about finding a company if no one comments. It's scary to appear from the outside as a person with whom no one wants to communicate. Even if, in fact, the responses went, but in a personal, and not publicly. I myself had a case when two hours passed after the post was published, and no one responded to my proposal - I really wanted to delete the post altogether. Then there were likes and comments, but, unfortunately, not at all on this topic. It was not possible to find a company among my 500+ online friends, so I had to persuade my girlfriend.

It turns out a strange situation: there are hundreds and thousands of friends on social networks, but you don't know with whom to go to try something new. For example, you wanted to practice zumba or go to the theater - and close friends are used to having other interests. They will not understand. Write on the wall? Thanks to algorithmic feeds, your post will be seen only by your close friends - those with whom you communicate so often. The rest of your social circle will never keep you company simply because they do not know where and with whom you are ready to go. Social networks are good for sharing information, but their capabilities are not enough to find a company for offline events.

Netinder

So far, inSearch App is used more by people who are strangers to each other. Although there are situations when users suddenly find their friends there: “Oh, you're coming too! Long time no see". If we have a lot of acquaintances, then keeping in touch with everyone is unrealistic. And if you have not communicated with a person for two or three years, then it is psychologically difficult to take and write: Let's go there ”. It can be difficult to ask yourself personally, but it's easier to do it through the application - that's why it was created. If someone writes in it, then he needs it. And so we have not written on the forehead: "Looking for a company."

It is clear that we will be compared to Tinder - we are compared to Bla Bla Car. This is a common thing: a new startup is compared with those that are older and more famous. But in tinder there is a search only by gender and age, and, of course, it will be difficult to find a girl to go to an exhibition together. You can find a person here only by general interest in the event. This is important, and we have been guided by this from the very beginning. When people, for example, are in a relationship, it’s somehow not good to use dating applications to find a company. But how then to find new friends for joint leisure? If you already have a familiar social circle, it can be difficult to expand it.

Development from scratch

I took up the development two years ago, at first it was a training project that we were engaged in in our free time. Then I had a full-time job and a master's degree, and I had to work on the application on weekends. I didn't know what I was getting myself into and how difficult it was to make such an application.

I assembled a team in one of the largest groups of iOS developers who go through video tutorials and want to apply them in life. The first line-up consisted of only newcomers, and by now there was no one left of it except me. There were various reasons for the turnover, and the first difficulty I faced was remote work. There are people who need to be in the office, under supervision, but they cannot motivate themselves to get away; if they have to constantly kick themselves, they quickly burn out. You inevitably come across this, and there is no one hundred percent way to figure out what will happen in advance.

I was not ready for the fact that people would look for a company for a joint trip to aqua parties

There is another problem with remote control - asynchronous work. Once a week, you can get a group of ten people together for a general chat, but even that is difficult. Nevertheless, we gradually developed both a team of iOS programmers and a team of developers for the Android version.

Company for the aqua party

Now we, firstly, want to expand the geography of the application, and secondly, to work more with promotions for those who assemble a company - such as “collect four people and go to the movies for free”. I want to give people more reasons to go somewhere together. The more you do the project, the more you learn about the behavior of others. You are sure that he will do this, but this will not be so - and over and over again you are convinced that you hastened to conclusions. For example, I was not ready for the fact that people would look for a company to go to aqua parties together.

People of completely different social groups face the problem of “who to go with”. Take, for example, the annual VKontakte festival: users from 12 to 60 years old are looking for a company to go to it. There are those who often go to events and therefore are constantly looking for a company. There are those who sit at home more and are not used to looking for a company. But for one reason or another, this question arises in almost every person.

Take the initiative. If it's time to find a real friend, you can't afford to be lazy. A true friend will not miraculously appear on your doorstep, so a little effort is required from you. Take the search for a true friend into your own hands and start connecting with people.

• Stop waiting for others to do all the work for you. Collect them and ask if you can go to the event with them, or if you can organize one yourself.
• Don't be afraid to appear hopeless and needy. Focus on yourself and your goal. If, in the end, the above method works, who will remember your problems?

Meet new people. You can't make friends by constantly sitting at home alone in the evenings. You need to constantly act, so force yourself to go out and at home and meet as many people as possible. At first, you will feel a little uncomfortable, but your efforts will not be in vain.

• One of the easiest ways is to find a new friend with the help of an existing one. Go to a party or social event. Let your friend give you advice.
• You can meet people by study or by interests. As a rule, friends have common interests, so the people you meet at school or in a circle are potential applicants for your friend's place.
• Meet people at work. Perhaps you have a work colleague with whom you are driving an acquaintance, but you have never had fun together. It's time to do it.
• Meet people online. There are certain biases about dating online, but it's actually a great way to meet. Blogs, social media, and forum comments are great socialization techniques.

I have my own social circle. These are good friends of mine who are also passionate about social dynamics. We perfectly understand each other perfectly. These are my friends and just good people. I love to communicate with them, share value and relax together.

1. Get rid of those who pull you down and prevent you from growing

It doesn't matter to me whether a person has many friends or not. This is not the main thing for me.

When I started meeting new people and changing myself, I completely stopped communicating with old friends. They prevented me from developing, they did not understand me and pulled me down into the old reality.

I stopped seeing them, calling them. I didn’t regret it in the least. It was as if I had thrown heavy stones from my shoulders. I have no problem finding friends with the same interests.

I was the only warrior in the field! Alone I felt great! I didn't need anyone. I felt good alone. Every day I made new acquaintances with girls, I met many interesting people.

2. Your freedom and love for yourself will attract the same people

When people they see this independence in you, they are drawn to you. This freedom attracts people very much.

But to have this attraction, you have to be interesting!

Passion must live in you, self-love! And the same people will be attracted to you.

3. Don't be afraid to connect with new people

If you are boring, then it's time to change, if you don't want to be surrounded by the same boring people. To find good friends for yourself you need to love to communicate with people and be social.

Like attracts like. Appearance attracts appearance. An interesting personality, its depth will attract the same interesting and deep people.

Always be open to new acquaintances... I am always glad if a stranger comes up to me on the street or anywhere and wants to talk to me. I see good qualities in people and feel their pleasant energy.

My own personal standards

5. Places to meet cool people

Clubs and parties

Many good friends can be found quickly in the club. There are always a lot of people and this is the place where making friends is easy. Chat in the club not only with girls, but also with guys.

Surprisingly, but I didn’t look for my friends with whom I’m talking now... They found me themselves! No kidding. Now there are very interesting guys around me. I went to the club, and the guys themselves came up to me and got acquainted. They already knew what I was doing. Perhaps they saw how I got to know people.

We communicate, I see that the person is interesting, and we exchange contacts... We can call next time, go to the club together and get to know each other better. This is how people become friends. Everything happens very easily.

Social media: upload more photos and information about yourself

Sometimes guys write to me on social networks and invite me to hang out together. I agree, even though I don't even know them. We go out, I see who they are, and if these people like me, we continue to communicate and keep in touch.

I have posted on social networks a lot of my photos from clubs, with friends, with girls, from other cities, football freestyle and others. Looking at my photos, people understand who I am, with whom I am and how I like to spend time... I am open at the same time. I have nothing to hide.

But always remember: do not have the habit of meeting often over the Internet! I generally don't like texting on the Internet.

You should be able to meet in person - just walk up and start talking anywhere. It is when you meet face to face that you truly recognize a person, and not through the Internet.

Go to places for your subjective tastes and hobbies

Go to the place you like and start chatting. If you like reading, then the library is also an interesting place where making friends is not difficult at all. Maybe there you will find your best friend. It's that simple! It is communication that opens the gates to the unknown for you.

6. How to build social circles so that people themselves introduce you to friends

Very good to know!

• 1st level... You come to an unfamiliar place. You don't know anyone. You come up and meet everyone.
• 2nd level... You are doing a quality social circle. Choose from a large number of people the most interesting and attractive to you.
• Level 3... This social circle works for you, and they already introduce you to other people.

If you are social and communicate with all people, then you are a high-status man.... This means that people want to watch you, how you approach and communicate with other people.

The next video by the social dynamics trainer is Alex. The first one and a half minutes can be skipped. He travels the world and his friends are always with him. During his adventures around the world, Alex goes to parties, meets beautiful girls, and has fun with them. In life, it is very easy for him to find a friend for communication.

And motivation to act - the whole truth about how to be motivated throughout your life + motivating video.

Girls - top 5 useful rules for dating a beauty.

How guys dance in the club and on the street: videos of funny dances.

7. Be confident without friends, and then they will be there

Your self-confidence shouldn't depend on whether you have friends or not! If you do not know how to walk and have fun without friends, then your reality is based on external factors. This is bad. No matter how many friends you have, you must be strong and confident without them..

The number of friends and numbers give you temporary situational confidence. Be able to go to clubs, walk and seek adventure without friends. You are still self-sufficient without them.

8. Meet your fears: independence attracts like a magnet

Don't let external circumstances stop you... Go to your goal!

When you face your fears ONE, you grow much faster and stronger.! This is how you will be independent, people will reach out to you and want to be near you. This is how you can find real friends.

9. Be ready to lose everyone: being alone is not shameful

To make many new friends, you need to be prepared to lose everyone and be alone.. You shouldn't be afraid to be alone... I don't like it when people cling to me and seem to sit on my shoulders.

With the most interesting and pleasant girls, whom I really like, I always keep in touch. I am sincere with them and always say that I love girls. I meet with them, walk, keep quiet, laugh, drown in their gaze.

10. I am the main actor in this film, I am the screenwriter in it, I am the director

Realize and implement the following beliefs:

1. You choose your surroundings!
2. It is you who decide with whom you will communicate and with whom you will not.
3. The world is your movie and your movie! You are the main character in it and you yourself write the script for your film!