Never offend children. We offend our children .... Shout and go out of myself

08.11.2020

A couple of days ago I became a witness of one unpleasant situation. In a conversation with girlfriends, one mammy began to mock her 8-year-old daughter (and the girl stood nearby). Laughing, she told about her ridiculous fall from the bowl of porridge in her hands. I was just jumped. Did the mother did not notice how his child offended?!

We grow, grow up, forget our children's emotions and experiences. We begin to seem that all our words and actions are correct. Rising children, sometimes we make unforgivable actions. Some - from fatigue and irritation, others - from banal inattention.

No matter how bitter it is to admit, but I have such punctures. I don't really want to repeat similar errors, so now I'll think about 10 times before you say or do.

1. misunderstanding.

A year ago, my 11-year-old daughter came from school in a very depressed mood. The boy who she liked began to put the sign of attention to another girl. For her, it was a tragedy, and I, trying to calm her, scolded a complete nonsense: "Forget, you will still have such a dozen more ... Stupidity is all."

Looking at her eyes, I understood, - she expected such words. Support, understanding, sympathy ... But not a teaching. At that moment I remembered myself at her age ....

2. Lack of support.

The world recognized the Great Caruso only thanks to his wise mother. It she supported faith in him in his talent. Even when the teacher of singing doubted his skill to sing. I really do not want my children to be ruined your talent, and let the drawings of the son are not perfect, and the first works of the daughter are not very neat. But for me they are the best, and I do not miss the opportunity to support children.

3. Smaller or offensive comparisons with others.

Why most parents seem to be that if you constantly point to the baby on the approximate behavior of a neighbor boy, then he will certainly want to become the same or even better?! At best, the child will dislike such right kids. At worst, it will climb in yourself for a long time.

NEVER His children should not be worse than others.

4. Mock.

Clumsiness, slowness, shyness, - all these qualities are in adults. Why, without noticing them for themselves, they consider it possible to mock the children's ambitions?! As for me, it is better to rush over yourself than provoke the emergence of complexes in a child.

5. Hisoid words or actions.

- "What are you for the fool! I was angry with a daughter who overturned a glass with water. - Where do you only grow your hands. " But it was possible to do without these inspiring epithets, right?

6. Creek and loss of self-control.

Especially often it happens in the first months after discharge from the hospital. Sleepless nights, constant care for the child, fatigue and, as a result, irritability. Once, walking with her son on the court, I sat down on a shop next to a young mommy. In a stroller, which she boils without stopping, a swardweller and had a sieglase of the baby, the months of 2 months.

I think mommy tried to put her crumb and even a little rest. The girl continued to chunk, then started crying louder and louder. In this moment, the nerves of the parent passed finally. She sharply jerked the stroller, and shouted to the baby good mate. If you just saw the frightened blue eyes, a poor child .... I have no doubt that then the mommy was very shameful.

7. Ignoring.

But this is the worst thing that can only be in relation to children.
"Not now, a son, I'm busy," the father is embarrassed.
"Let's talk about it tomorrow," Mom goes into another room.
And let the child fed, dressed, wound. Let all the most desirable toys be in his separate room. But ... he knows no simple human happiness.

Now imagine a light image of your crumbs. So he (or she) smiles to you, so sincerely, squeezes your hand with tiny fingers, funny wrinkles Lobik. And in response to this, something huge, trembling and gentle bloom in the soul. This baby loves you. Without any conventions, without reason and reasons. Only because you are his parents!

Yes, for one just a happy smile of my child I will give anything! And you?

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How we offend our children or "7 mortal sins of parents"

One psychologist said: "With every opportunity, take your child for your hand! It will take quite a bit of time, and he will no longer stop reaching you his palm. "

Everything that we do in the life of our children is returned by a hundredfold. If the child grows in trust - he also learns to trust others. If the kid love and support, he himself becomes attentive and caring. But there are terrible mistakes that adults are performed under the influence of anger or indifference. Without thinking than it can wrap in a small children's soul ...

We are very offended by our children when:

1. Do not understand.

I fell in love with 13 years, Zhenka was an excellent student - complacent and eidny. But it seemed to me that he was ideal. However, the ideal did not pay any attention at all, and I cried. And mom, trying to console me, carried the full nonsense: "Yes, what! It is so frivolous. Through a year, everything will pass! " And I did not want to make my state of love in love. Then I saw the same picture in the film "You never dreamed": - Mom, I love Katya! - No, not a mix. Taki you will have a million! ..- And why do you, parents, do you know everything in advance?

2. Do not support.

Little cargo ran away from school in tears: "Mom! Teacher singing said that I had a voice - as if the wind in the pipe howling! ". "Well, that you, son! Do not listen to anyone. You go like the most beautiful nightingale in the world. I know it for sure! ". It's terrible to think that the world could never hear a great tenor if not this wise woman. Constantly speak your children: "You can! You cope with it! " - It is very wondering.

3. Create with other children.

"Look, what anechka is clean and neat. Not that you - piglets! " It seems familiar? I can't understand one thing: what do Mamashi want to achieve these words? In addition to hate to Anya, it's hard to cause other emotions ..

4.Name.

My little sister and I went to the store. The sister was 3 years old, her face was painted by the stains of the Green: She picked up the windmill. Saleswomen who had nothing to take themselves, turned into our direction and shuffle: "Oh, what kind of beauty came to us! Just look! "

5. offend words and actions.

In the 8th grade, I considered myself quite an adult and an independent girl. Once we dressed with a dad over the geometry, which my brain completely refused to understand. And then dad in the hearts slammed me ... on the pope! It was not so much hurt how much incredibly insulting! I did not talk to him for a long time. And he could not understand what he hurt me so much ...

6. Kritchim and come out of yourself.

I remember in the maternity hospital my neighbor, exhausted by crying his baby, grabbed it and began to shake and yell: "What the hell is you still needed?" Never forget huge, blue, full of horror of the baby's eyes, who did not understand what was happening. It seems to her later it was very shameful ...

7. Mean!

And believe me, it's the worst one. Japanese scientist demonstrated to the whole world experience with plants. The same grain was planted in three jars. Every morning, passing by the first bank, the scientist greet a spicentiary and told him affectionate words. Before the second bank, he shouted and called the plant with sudden words. He just ignored the third sprout: not looking, passed by. It is not difficult to guess what happened to the sprouts in a month. The first one made a juicy green color to the entire width of the windowsill. The second is completely dry. And the third - started! Children are also similar to green spons: parents reap from the years just what they sever themselves! Now take a look from the monitor and imagine your baby. So he squeezes chubby cams, the nose is ridiculous and smiles in the entire width of his toothless mouth. And in response in your breast, the larger and gentle and gentle. This kid loves you of course: in any mood, with any gifts, simply because you are his mom or dad! And for one of this smile you will give everything in the world! Remember this as often as possible and love your children!

Children in social networks are shared by the way they are humiliated by adults: what formulations and with what intonations. The guys hurt. But for each rude word, the child does not always hide hatred, sometimes the reason is in the children's shocks of the parents themselves. Life - about what a homely swearing hides and why it is worth working with a child, but with his head.

"Here are mine, you can't tell you a little, so they immediately say:" Yes, who are you?! We love you so much, love so much! Ungrateful rubbish! How dare you?! Answer! All say! Do not hide anything! And after will you do the lessons! And you will not get up because of the table, until you do everything! Went out, creature! "And get the belt"" So the schoolgirl of Christina shared with his other pain in a public in the social network "VKontakte".

On social networks, there are many groups where children are divided with other experiences. They tell "friends" from the network, as parents swear on them. The guys are not afraid that someone can give them, because they are in the circle of their own. Each of them is trying to find a tolik of understanding and understand why sometimes parents with them are so cruel.

Adults for some reason rarely pay attention to the methods that they try to influence the behavior of their children. And it turns out that quite often parents allow themselves obscene curses and threats towards their babies, forgetting that children have no help. In the end, the closest becomes enemies.

Life allocated several types of the most terrible crosses that their parents allow themselves.

Slave curses. Without the right to life

"Close my mouth, a fragment! You are nobody! You have to obey us! You do not have the right to vote!"

"I earned a little money, my mother took the cries that I was her slave ... She seriously said that under 18 I am her slave!"

According to the head of the Center for Legal and Psychological Assistance in the extreme situation, Mikhail Vinogradova, who agreed to appreciate the "Methods of Education", such an appeal with children says that the parents themselves were severe childhood - most likely, at school age they were defenseless, and their Parents are aggressive and spoken similar phrases.

Obscene and bent. You can shield not only on the pope

"I gave birth to you in the torment, and you are not grateful *****, I won't give money to the mother! I'll tell you all my father, I will score you!"

"Now ***** climb! What are you stupid! I went out! Nothing!"

The psychiatrist claims that the mat can meet in any families and tie such aggression to complexes or child injuries should not be, however, it is easy to guess, can lead to the fact that the child will perceive the brand as the norm, which means that it is so responsible to parents.

The reason to die behind the plinth. The worst children

"If you don't do lessons, my father is banning you for a month in the room! Live you! Everyone would have been easier without you!"

"You are the worst child in the world, we have little beat you!"

According to the expert, such phrases are also a mirror reflection of the past adults. The uneasy offense is postponed to the younger children who will (if they remember) also treat their Chadam.

Family curses. Good luck will not come

"Do not dare to me, you never and you will not achieve!"

"I did not learn, and you will be a janitor, then you will talk:" Eh, why I didn't listen to my mother "...!"

- He himself could not achieve something in life (for example, posts or social status), and therefore he puts pressure on the child in order to justify his ambitions.

What will happen to children?

- Very scary when parents allow themselves to swear. Suppose someone will tell you in the street, it can pass by the ears, in any case it will be forgotten. But if parents do this, it remains in the soul forever, "Psychiatrist added.

It turns out that each rude word is hidden primarily complexes and vices of parents.

Psychoanalyst Dmitry Olshansky believes that the attitude of parents to their child depends on two factors: the first is the purpose of his birth and the second - the presence of complexes in an adult.

- If the couple decided to start a child due to the fact that the "time" came, then the likelihood that he will be superfluous. But this is not all that will affect the methods of parenting of the child: you need to watch howadult belongs to itself. For example, if he feels abandoned, nickemless, unnecessary and not realized, he will speak the child the same.

If the parent perceives his child as property or associates with a slave, it means only one thing - the parent did not play a toy. Adults need to perceive the child as a person and only to establish his degree of freedom (what actions kid can do and not report).

It is important to understand how exactly adults swear on children. For example, the parent may have an inner insult, and then he will be a sacrifice from himself: "I have almost a heart attack here, and you all walk!".

If adults are forced to obey, then except words are very important: with which intonation it is said, in what conditions, what is the reason? Perhaps an adult is not sure that he is good as a parent. Therefore, he is trying to make the "ideal" child, in order to look good in his and strange eyes.

The special method of manipulation is "do what you want", and this is a false map-blanche. If I had told such a phrase, I would go and did what I want. But it is assumed that after this the child should begin to obey some of the requirements of the parents.

As psychoanalyst noted, in Russia there is one swearing, which is no longer anywhere in the world - "You are all in my father."

- It is usually an insult, that is, the child reproach that he looks like dad. It is believed that this is minus and is drawn knowingly negative image. Children set up what to like to parents is bad. It turns out that in the child they raise disrespect for their loved ones.

Psychiatrist Mikhail Vinogradov is convinced that the parent first is necessary to work on his behavior.

- You can use the services of a psychologist. There are adults who turn to specialists, they help to correctly build relationships with children.

But the most correct is just to love your child. It needs to be used to an independent life, watching and suggesting, but in no case forcing it to do anything. And for this, a person needs to have a very subtle mental parent organization: no strengths, - advised Vinogradov.

Everything that we do in the life of our children is returned by a hundredfold. If the child grows in trust - he also learns to trust others if the baby loves and support, he himself becomes attentive and caring. But there are terrible mistakes that adults are performed under the influence of anger or indifference, without thinking than it can turn into a small children's soul ... We are very offended by our children when ...

One wise American psychologist said: "For every opportunity, you take your child for your hand! It will take quite a bit of time, and he will no longer stop reaching your palm! "

How we offend our children or "about seven parent sins"

We are very offended by our children when:

1. Do not understand

I fell in love with 13 years. Zhenka was an excellent student - a smug and echid. But it seemed to me that he was ideal. However, the ideal did not pay any attention at all, and I cried. And mom, trying to console me, carried the full nonsense: "Yes, what! It is so frivolous. Through a year, everything will pass! " And I did not want to make my state of love in love. Then I saw the same picture in the movie "You never dreamed":

- Mom, I love Katya!
- Oh, not laughing. You will have such kat for a million! ..
- And why are you, parents, do you know everything in advance?

To see a movie

2. Do not support

Little cargo ran away from school in tears: "Mom! Teacher singing said that I had a voice - as if the wind in the pipe howling! ". "Well, that you, son! Do not listen to anyone. You go like the most beautiful nightingale in the world. I know it for sure! " It is terrible to think that the world could never hear a great tenor if not this wise woman. Constantly speak your children: "You can! You cope with it! " - It is very wondering.

3. Compare with other children

4. Mock

My little sister and I went with the store. The sister was 3 years old, her face was painted by the stains of the Green: She picked up the windmill. Saleswomen who had nothing to take themselves, turned into our direction and shuffle: "Oh, what kind of beauty came to us! Just look! " Only one thought came to my mind: where would you take a car and shoot them nearby ...

5. offend words and actions

6. Circuit and come out of yourself

I remember in the maternity hospital, my neighbor, exhausted by the tricks of his baby, grabbed him and started to shake and yell: "What the hell are you still needed?" Never forget huge, blue, full of horror of the baby's eyes, who did not understand what was happening. It seems to her later it was very shameful ...

7. I ignore!

And believe me, it's the worst one. Japanese scientist demonstrated experience with plants around the world. Three identical grains were planted in three jars. Every morning, passing by the first bank, the scientist greet a spicentiary and told him affectionate words. Before the second bank, he shouted and called the plant with sudden words. He just ignored the third sprout: not looking, passed by. It is not difficult to guess what happened to the sprouts in a month. The first one made a juicy green color to the entire width of the windowsill. The second is completely dry. And the third - started! Children are also similar to green spons: parents reap from the years just what they sever themselves!

Now take a look from the monitor and imagine your baby. So he squeezes chubby cams, the nose is ridiculous and smiles in the entire width of his toothless mouth. And in response in your breast, something big and gentle deployed. This kid loves you of course: in any mood, with any gifts, simply because you are his mom or dad! And for one of this smile you will give everything in the world! Remember this as often as possible and love your children!

Even if you love your child very much and try it not to offend him without a further reason and not to scold for pranks, anyway - we are all people. And we also have a bad mood, which we are very difficult to control and restrain your negative emotions. Loving parents exactly also offend their children, like those who do not think about what they say to the kids. Psychologists warn parents that each of their words is remembered by a child for life. Some of the rapid adult phrases in relation to children can provoke a real psychological trauma. In your power to bring up a full and mentally healthy personality.

Do not offend

In psychological schools of family education very often leads as an example such a parable. One father had a very hot-tempered son. To help your child wise old man gave a big bag filled with nails. And he said: every time you will be angry and feel that anger to keep it will not work out, take a nail and wise in the fence. There was a month and in the fence there were already more than a hundred nails. Looking at all this, the young man decided to work on himself. A few years later, there was not a single nail in the fence, but it was a large number of holes. My father answered: I have nothing to praise you. After all, every time you offend people around people with words, a deep hole remains in their soul. Moreover, it is impossible to close this hole, smooth, etc. - Scar in any case will remain.

In my life, we do exactly as well: driven nails in familiar, colleagues at work, and most importantly - in their children. Over yourself need to work every day! Somewhere to keep silent, somewhere to delete and in no case do not break down on your babies.

On each of our mental fences, a huge number of scars that have inflicted our parents. Moreover, they did not always have a goal - to hurt us. In most cases, these are unrestrained emotions and the absence of self-control.

Control what you say

How often do you pronounce such phrases in relation to your children: "You are not like my child, I guess you in the maternity hospital", "I never offended my parents," "At your age I did something and that You are a loser "," if it doesn't work, it's not worth it, "" Don't do it, you will again do everything wrong, "Tanya is a normal child, and you ...", "I'm not in vain I am I did not want to give birth. " You must understand that everything that you say, children perceive as a fact. They have no halftone and the concept of the fact that the Mom Pope has a bad mood. Therefore, you will have to be responsible for hurt words.

Believe me, children really painfully realize and take that information that they are not as expected from them; that they did something wrong; that they by negligence broke some thing and you scribbled on them, etc. Be careful to your children!

Parents' words to their children can hurt more than a belt blows.

Our parents were offended by us and at some moments (as it seemed to us then) we did not love us, therefore, they give this dislike for their children and your grandchildren.

If you turn to the basics of psychology, then there you can meet the so-called I-concept. Under this expression, it is worth understanding how a person perceives himself as he belongs to the image he came out of childhood and what self-esteem was laid in it. If you fold all these factors, you can understand why a person behaves anyway.

I-concept

I concept originates from childhood. Children are born absolutely virgin, they have some definite idea of \u200b\u200bthemselves. The personality of man is formed gradually, by those bricks of the words he hears from the nearest surroundings. What we say every day to your children determines their future. An example of upbringing: You constantly scold your son, tell him that he is a loser, he does not work anything, he breaks everything on his way. Do not be surprised if the man will grow unsure of such a child who will probably have problems with personal life and work.

Important! The more we love your child, the more they praise him, the more positive will be his views on themselves and their identity. As a result, you, like a parent, will grow self-confident personality, aware that he is worthy of love, happiness and success.

All the dislike, which our parents awarded us, we convey to our children. But they are not to blame for the fact that you were once disliked either offended. Try to work on yourself and not offend sons and daughters.

Our parents and grandparents did not have access to the Internet or to a huge number of psychological articles. That is why they did not know what the reverse side of the upbringing. For them, screams, insults, punishment became the norm. Your task is to do everything possible to get rid of this norm and prevent it in the upbringing of the subsequent generation.

You in the upbringing of your children should avoid any manifestation of cruelty.

Rules of education

If you can not shout on children and can not be punished, then how to bring up? Below are the basic rules of education.

Before you say something bad to your son or daughter or shouting on them, stop, breathe-exhale and think, now you cannot handle your emotions or wanted to raise your voice to show the element of upbringing.
If you demand from the child so that he submits you and listened to everything, think about his future. Such education can lead to a complete absence of a nature and its own position in adulthood conscious age. You do not want to see your children subordinates, on which they are constantly breaking, and they endure it?
Never make an identity assessment. If the child broke something, it is not worth telling him "You're bad, as you could, always have everything from hand," and better tell me that "let's learn accuracy, things need to be preserved, I'll show you how to do That's it. "
Do you really want to lower the whole that accumulated in the day? Go to another room, raise, relax and only then come back to children. And better on this day, to limit communication with children to the maximum, justifying it bad well-being. After all, a bad mood is also a symptom of psycho-emotional unhealthy.

conclusions

Do not scold yourself for not able to restrain your negative emotions. We can not control themselves 24 hours a day.
Children do not distinguish halftone and intonation. If you shout on the child, then you shout on it. If you tell him that you do not like him, then - do not love. Learn to be responsible for your words.
All children are born with virgin psychological terms. They have no idea about themselves and about their identity. Their personality is being formed gradually from the words and the relationship of parents to the child. If you tell your daughter that she is terrible, she will save this idea of \u200b\u200bherself for life.
As you often can tell your children that they have smart, talented, beautiful, happy and beloved. And you will be surprised how your child is exactly the same.
Want to shout on the child? Exit the room, calm down and only then continue to communicate, but no longer screams, but a normal human conversation.