The guy wants to break up during this period. He is looking for a reason to quarrel. He is often irritable

Greetings, dear ones!

Today in the "Questions and Answers" section there is another personal story. A man loves, but is tired of relationships and wants to leave for a while, or maybe forever. First, I publish a letter, then my recommendations, a detailed plan of action, and in the comments I am waiting for your advice.

Hello Geneva!

A couple of days ago I noticed that MCH had some kind of tortured, tired face. She asked what had happened, said nothing, but afterwards a conversation took place. And he asked for time, since he is not ready to put a point irrevocably.

It would not be so bad if there was a good reason, but it is not, some stupid "reasons."
And I see that he loves, and he says this, sits with wet eyes ... He says that he already regrets this conversation, but something gnaws at him and asks for time to sort out himself, with thoughts.
The stupidest phrase was “I don’t want to hurt you later” ... Like “better now than later”.

I explained to him that everyone hurts, just now that there will be the same pain later, and how it will be later in the future, it makes sense to start something with someone if you then ever hurt.

He says he's tired. Not from me, but from all this, some kind of routine, and everything is fine in our relationship, but this is the same thing, and the decision to change something and take a step forward in our relationship is to move in, but he does not want to, not with me, but in general ...

He is very serious about serious relationships, he can't for a couple of months. And we have already had 2.5 years ... And I don’t know what to do, somehow support him, or leave him alone .. ??

Thanks in advance for any advice! Regards, Eloise.

Hello Eloise!

The best thing to do is to support him by leaving him alone. But not just leave, but in a special way. What I mean - I will write a little later, but first I will say what in your letter immediately caught my eye.

This is your disrespect for him. I don't know if there is anything to respect him for, but since you have been with him for 2.5 years and want to move to a new level, then, apparently, there is. That is, your disrespectful attitude does not come from the fact that he does not deserve it, but simply from the fact that you do not know HOW to do it, and WHAT does it mean to respect a man. Few have been taught this. Fortunately, it's never too late to learn.

I have already said more than once that for a man, respect is love. And if he is not respected, then he does not feel loved, even if he is really loved very much. He sees that this is some kind of perverse love. And he wants to run away so as not to go crazy.

You write *** "I explained to him" ***. But alas, in this way you express to him your disrespect for his decisions and actions. You seem to be telling him this: “you made a stupid decision, and your excuses are stupid, you’re out of your mind, let me explain to you now in which case you have the right to want to leave, and in which you don’t have, and how exactly this should happen ".

If a man says: “We need to leave,” then the best female reaction to this is something like this: “I love you and it hurts me very much to hear that. I have no idea how I will live without you. But I understand that if you decided so, then you have your own good reasons for this. I really want you to be happy, even if it is not with me. So I have to let you go. I wish you to find your happiness. And I will definitely find my happiness. "

Expressing such respect for him will be your real support. After such an answer, the probability that the man will actually leave is approximately equal to zero.
In what ways you can express respect to a man, I will write. So subscribe to the newsletter in contact with, or, or, so as not to miss it.

But here it is not so much a matter of your reaction as of the reasons that made him want to leave. You write *** "some stupid" reasons "***. And this is even greater disrespect for him. They may be stupid for you, but not for him. Nothing happens without a reason.

These reasons-claims must be collected bit by bit and properly considered, no matter how silly they may seem to you. What from this list can you change and what not? And do you really need to change it, or in this case you risk losing yourself?

From your letter I see only a couple of reasons, and both are not at all stupid. One of them, as I already wrote, is a disrespectful attitude towards him as a man. Another is relationship boredom.

He says he is tired of the routine. And there are two options here. I don’t know the details of your situation, so I’ll give both.

First, he does not understand that his own life is boring, and you have nothing to do with it. This means that he does not have a big goal, serious aspirations, he does not need anything special from life, and he will be bored in any relationship. Because relationships will not be able to give the main thing - the meaning of their own life. Relationships can only beautify what's inside. And if there is only longing, then no matter how much you decorate it, you get a decorated longing.

If this is your problem, I do not recommend starting a family with such a man. Otherwise, serious difficulties await you, his aimless chatter, and then a midlife crisis, in which he will go to another woman. Because here everything is boring for him, but there, for the first time, it will be fun again, for a couple of years. And then all over again, if he has enough strength.

His life can change only if he himself wants it. But you shouldn't "explain" it to him, because he still won't understand and won't believe, but will only move further away. Just draw conclusions for yourself.

Second - your own life is really boring, nothing amazing and cool happens in it, and you charge it with this longing of yours. Therefore, relations with you are insipid for him. There is no spark and fun, there is not enough emotion. And it is the woman who is responsible for the emotions in the relationship. Men are usually not adapted to this. As women are usually not adapted to plow and carry full responsibility for the family.

In this option, you are able to completely change the situation. But for this you will have to look for something in your life that pleases you, surprises and inspires you. Quite simple, although it's a little harder to do than to say.

Further action plan:

Write or say to him the very phrase that I gave earlier. About the fact that "I love you, and respect your decision, and wish you to find your happiness, and I went to find mine."

Completely stop communicating with him for at least two or three weeks, so that he forgot the bad, as is usually the case.

At this time, start looking for something that fills your life with colors. Interesting things, communication, entertainment, aspirations. Demonstrate your bright life on social networks or somewhere else, so that he can see that now everything is interesting and juicy with you.

In parallel, work out a list of his claims and also find ways to demonstrate to him your changes in this regard, but do not communicate with him yet. Not everything will be able to demonstrate, there are some intimate things or something from the sphere of personal development, therefore, in the matter of his claims with a demonstration, do not bother much.

When he reacts to all this, starts calling and writing sms, then you can start communicating with him in a friendly way. Just in this communication, find ways to "accidentally" show him that there are no more reasons for his past claims, because you yourself wanted to change all this (if you wanted). But all this should be as if by accident, without any hints of a renewal of relations on your part.

Do not fall joyfully into his arms, but with pleasure give him the opportunity to be an initiator and win you over again! This is an extremely important point, otherwise the man will again lose interest and the old-new relationship will end at the speed of sound.

In coaching, the first thing we do is work out true love for ourselves and our life. Otherwise, even if the man returns, everything will be the same, because nothing has really changed inside the woman. And without high self-esteem, it is too easy to dissolve in a man.

The coaching program also includes several super-effective techniques on how to figure out your man's needs and close them. And about HOW to tell him about his needs, so that he wants to satisfy them.

We will also learn to communicate correctly with a man. Give him respect and inspire him to love, attention and gifts. We will separately and in detail consider how to inspire him to offer, so that he himself is the initiator in everything. And let's talk about what needs to be done and discussed before the wedding, so as not to regret it after.

Even if, as a result of coaching, your self-esteem rises so much that you realize that you deserve a better man, then in any case all these techniques and techniques will be useful for you to find and fall in love with another man. Because they are versatile and will be specially designed for you.

Therefore, please contact us, I will be happy to help!

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How to determine that she wants to part with you before she utters this sacramental phrase and proudly leaves in an unknown direction?

Statistics say that in 80% of cases, women are the initiators of your separation, not the stronger sex. Do not think that your couple has no reason to break up. According to research on the nature of fights, it turned out that the average couple fights 312 times a year, and this happens almost every day and for at least 10 minutes! You, of course, have already forgotten all the fights, and she?

She will not warn you in advance that on Friday the 13th she will pack her things and leave you in splendid isolation.

If a man wants to break up with you. First signs

For some time now, a strange chill crept into your relationship. Is it a habit, resentment, fatigue, or something even more serious? Whether there is reason to panic, you can find out by comparing the behavior of your loved one with the usual male behavior during the period of separation. So, how to understand that a man wants to break up?

Think about how much time you've spent together before. All your free hours and days you were inseparable.

How to understand that a guy wants to break up

You walk with your boyfriend down the street, and he shamelessly stares at other girls .... Agree that the situation is stalemate. If only he does not want to kindle a fire of jealousy in you, then this is a serious bell in order to think: is it time to run away from him? No matter how much you love him, no matter how painful it is for you, leave him first, because such an ending of the story, alas, is not far off.

How to tell if a guy wants to leave you

The rupture never happens suddenly, just like that, for no reason. Believe it or not, there is a ton of clever and deep research on how long it takes people to take this final step. And if it seems to you that your boyfriend is up to something amiss, read our 10 signs quickly. If you count more than 6, talk to him about it.

Honesty and openness are the foundation of any relationship. You must be honest with each other.

How to part with a man if living with him is unbearable ...

Having lived with my husband for several years in marriage, I realized with horror that the man I once loved was a despot. No, he did not raise a hand against me, but endless reproaches to me, rudeness, and talk about my worthlessness. did their job. I came to the conclusion that I want to leave the man. whom she loved for many years. My friends did not understand me, because "in public" we were an ideal couple, and at home ... my life turned into hell.

How do you know if a guy wants to break up with you?

A strong and long-term relationship is the cherished dream of every girl. Many of us, being in a relationship, are confident that their dream has already come true. But is it really so? You are happy and in love, your friends and work colleagues envy you, life seems like a fairy tale in reality. But then one fine day, your young man informs you that love has passed, as they say, the tomatoes wilted, quickly puts his little things in a suitcase and sets off in an unknown direction, throwing a sad look in your direction at last.

How to do it. ru

It rarely happens that a man himself speaks directly to you about parting, except for those cases when you had a truly, long and serious relationship. In other cases, you will need to guess whether this is true or not.

The first thing a man does, or rather does not do, when he wants to leave, he stops calling and writing. But do not stand right away, sound the alarm if it lasts only 2-3 days (perhaps he really had objective reasons for that), but if this continues longer, it is worth thinking about.

The guy wants to break up - what to do?

A strong and long-term relationship is the dream of every girl. When meeting young people, many of us are sure that their dream has come true and they have found the perfect permanent partner. However, after a while, the lover announces that he wants to end the relationship. Your boyfriend wants to break up - what to do?

It is then that you fall into complete despair and cannot understand the reasons.

Why don't men know how to part? Man's behavior after breaking up

Probably, there is no such person in whose life there was not at least one parting, when one of two close (more recently) people with or without it, suddenly or quite deliberately stopped meeting, communication, life together. The most common situation.

Probably, there is no such person in whose life there was not at least one parting, when one of two close (more recently) people, with or without it, suddenly or quite deliberately stopped meeting, communication, life together.

He calls you less and less

Previously, a man called you regularly, but now calls from him have become a rarity. He is justified by being busy and having problems at work, by the illness of one of his relatives, etc. But, most likely, the initial love euphoria just passed, and the man is not sure if he wants to continue the relationship. However, if he still makes himself felt, then it is still important for him that you are waiting for his calls. You also need to get very busy in this situation. Perhaps your independence will spur the man to continue the relationship. What you should definitely not do is constantly call him and ask where he disappeared.

He practically stopped having sex with you.

Over time, for many couples, the intensity of sexual activity decreases. However, if you stop having sex altogether, it is very likely that the man is cheating on you. Of course, banal fatigue or hard work can also cause stagnation in a relationship. Try to wait a while. If the absence is due to problems not related to you, life will work itself out by itself. In the worst case, a man doesn't have sex with you because he gets bored in bed. Try to rectify the situation by suggesting a new erotic play or unusual sexual position. Just do not try to charge a man with sexual inadequacy. After such a statement, it will be very difficult to improve relations.

He spends little time with you.

At some point, you may hear from a loved one that he needs more freedom. This may be the first step to breaking up, but sometimes a man really needs more personal space. The best thing you can do is give him a lot of freedom that doesn't hurt you. As the relationship deepens, most men no longer need this kind of independence. You can, of course, tell a man that he will not receive any freedom. But in this case, he will most likely go on a "free voyage".

You began to annoy him

For some reason, all of yours, who used to be liked by a man, are now terribly annoying. He may be tired of you, so he acts aggressively, hoping that you yourself will suggest. If you want to maintain the relationship and have enough confidence in yourself, you can not respond to criticism. But this, too, will most likely be useless. Better to just leave. By the way, in no case try to fix something in yourself and apologize for non-existent misconduct. It certainly won't help keep the man.

He doesn't want to talk about the future

Your loved one does not want to discuss a joint future. And this is not necessarily the birth of children, but such simple things as a joint vacation or even plans for the weekend. When a man has no place for you in the near future, it means that he does not consider your relationship serious. Coaxing and demanding to give your relationship "status" will get you nowhere. It is better to repay the man with the same coin, that is, attend several events on your own. If you are dear to him, the man will change his behavior. In case of indifference on his part, he will continue to live his life, but already without him.

It rarely happens that a man himself starts a conversation about parting, even when he has completely cooled off: fear or pity often interferes with an unpleasant revelation. But the behavior of your partner will tell everything for him. It's time to find out what actions indicate that he will soon leave you. If you don’t find more than five, stop panic!

Changes tastes

Your metal fanboy boyfriend swapped his favorite band tees for classic shirts? Or maybe he quit smoking, forgot about fishing and started to indulge in tango? As a rule, sudden changes in habits, in the style of clothing, in the way of life and a change in the circle of friends indicate that a person seeks to get away from the old life, and sometimes from the people who figured in it.

Doesn't want to spend time together

When you invite him to see him, then more and more often you hear excuses, moreover, banal: “No time”, “Tired”, etc. This in itself is not critical, unless, of course, he does it regularly. But the fact that he avoids meeting only with you, but at the same time can happily go to barbecue with friends, is a wake-up call.

Demonstrates mood swings

Your beloved walks elated and joyful, and can become sad or irritated overnight? Often, a sense of guilt or a banal doubt about whether to continue a relationship can serve as a reason for such mood swings.

Shows no tenderness

If earlier your relationship was like a fairy tale: he hugged you and whispered compliments in your ear, and now he won't take your hand again, this may also indicate a cooling of feelings.

Hides you from friends

He does not advertise your relationship, is not interested in your affairs and problems, does not devote to his affairs, does not share his experiences. When a person withdraws, he becomes secretive and mysterious, and then he is not only silent, but also deliberately withholds, not saying important things.

Insults

Often his phrases addressed to you are offensive or even offensive. He can easily compare you with his acquaintance or even with a girl passing on the street, they say, her legs are more even, and her face is prettier.

Refuses sex

Sex for a man is an important component of a relationship, and a long absence of an intimate life, not related to health, only confirms the separation from a partner.

Gives complete freedom of action

He is not interested in what you are doing now and with whom you spend time. He is not worried about your safety or your behavior. He is indifferent to the presence of guys in your environment, showing attention to you, and sometimes he himself can "throw" the idea of ​​getting to know that boy. At the same time, he calmly talks about what he would be doing if he were not in a relationship.

Forgets about you

Forgets about everything that is connected with you: your birthday, the anniversary of your relationship, a planned date, etc. He is indifferent to your feelings or your opinion, he is still not afraid of offending you.

Shows attention to other girls

In his environment, the number of female acquaintances has sharply increased. The guy communicates with them, flirts, showing that he likes some women. He calmly admires the girls even in front of you or discusses with his friends the body of some model from the magazine with his friends, without worrying that it will hurt you.

Please note that these signs can signal an imminent separation only if the described changes in behavior are not characteristic of your boyfriend. But in any case, all these factors do not guarantee a 100% separation. Trust your intuition and feelings; they usually help you find the right answer.

Not all relationships end with a happy ending in the form of Mendelssohn's march and a happy family life. No one is immune from the fading of feelings when you consciously understand that it makes no sense to continue the relationship. Sometimes this decision is made by a man. However, not all representatives of the stronger sex have the courage to have a frank conversation with their once beloved darlings, and the relationship has been moving for some time by inertia, but no longer bring the former joy.

If a man decides to break up with you, but at the same time he cannot put an end to the relationship, he still will not behave as before. There will be some oddities in his behavior every now and then. And if you take off your rose-colored glasses and do not grab the rescue straw, you will surely notice 10 signs that your boyfriend wants to leave you.

1. He moves away from you

Has he become somewhat brooding, often spends time alone and is not interested in your affairs? Perhaps the man had some trouble that consumes all his thoughts. But also these signs may indicate that the man wants to leave, but has not yet decided how exactly to do it.

2. He doesn't make plans for the future.

Previously, you could fantasize for hours about your joint future, family and even the name of unborn children, but now he does not want to make plans even for the upcoming vacation? Most likely, the man has already mentally put an end to your relationship, however, for some reason, he still cannot take the last decisive step.

3. He stopped caring about you

Love is manifested in small things and care - in a coat served on time, a meeting from work, a delicious dinner. Surely at the beginning of the relationship, your boyfriend behaved very gallantly and helpful, which won you over. If at some point you notice that in your relationship care comes only from you, this means only one thing - the man's feelings have died out.

4. He does not invite you to meet friends.

Previously, he happily invited you to meet with his friends and relatives. Still, because he loved you and wanted to demonstrate his "prey" to loved ones. If now a man prefers to spend time without you, this indicates that he no longer sees you in the role of his girlfriend.

5. There is no more passion between you.

Lack of passion is a sure sign that a man wants to break up. Representatives of the stronger sex express their love through physical intimacy. If he avoids intimacy, then someone else has taken possession of his thoughts. Of course, a man may have no desire due to fatigue or poor health. However, if this is persistent, chances are good that he wants to leave you.

6. He has secrets

Previously, he shared everything with you, talked about the events of the day and was extremely honest, but now he hides the phone, puts the password on the computer and dodges your questions? These changes only indicate that the man no longer considers you a part of his life and, therefore, wants to expand his personal space.

7. He is often irritable.

A man who no longer loves becomes very irritable and aggressive. He is ready to flare up over any little thing, and after that he does not even think to apologize. Suddenly it turns out that you dress in the wrong way, cook in the wrong way, and do not care about him that way. In fact, you remain the same as before, just the man's feelings came to naught.

8. He is looking for a reason to quarrel.

Sometimes it seems to you that he is deliberately inventing reasons for quarrels and conflicts? Most likely, it is so. If a man does not have the courage to end the relationship first, he will do everything possible to make the separation supposedly happen through your fault.

9. He's lying

If you increasingly catch him lying, although you have not noticed such a habit with him before, then the man no longer values ​​your relationship. A total lie indicates that a man is not afraid to lose you. But this habit also indicates that your chosen one is not quite a decent person.

10. You don't feel loved

Women's intuition is legendary. Indeed, our feelings are a kind of measure of happiness in a relationship. If you increasingly feel that your partner does not love you, and he is not your destiny, take a closer look at him. Perhaps he does not really plan to connect his life with you and is already planning his departure.

Parting, especially if it occurs at the initiative of a loved one, is always a painful process. However, if you understand that goodbye is inevitable, you should not continue a relationship that has no future, because because of them you are wasting your precious time. Remember that very soon you will be happy again, and today's torment will remain in your memory as a fleeting life episode that made you more experienced and wise.