A friend's son died. How to communicate with a person who has experienced the loss of a loved one - the personal experience of different people. Dream Interpretation - Son

They lived in a small town, dreamed of a child, but their first 2 babies died in the first days after giving birth. Just in this article (in Russian) there is not a word about the fact that those children who are on the mixture are dying.

Birth by caesarean, green waters, swallowed, pneumonia, cysts in g/m Tushinskaya children's hospital. 20 days at home, an ambulance to Morozovka with I think that all people are different, you know your girlfriend better ... When my child died, I did not want to see ANYONE, I even avoided my parents.

A friend is in trouble. ... I find it difficult to choose a section. A child from birth to one year. 11/13/2016, Sunday. International Day of the Blind. When I gave birth to my first child, there was a woman with us in the same room, whose baby died - I was terribly hurt by her ...

A friend and her husband are about forty, they buried a child, they will come to their senses, how to live on ?? The couple were looking for a child of a certain age and appearance. Their child had just died. the child was needed .... in general I do not agree that parents need words of support. Just - no.

In general, one and a half to two months after giving birth (that is, the first six to eight weeks) is the one She needs warm words of support, attention and REAL help (buy groceries).

A month before the birth of my children, a friend gave birth to a dead girl, the fetus died due to the fault of the doctors - also tea The words of the therapist "Lie down for a week, they will clean the liver." .

And now, it’s already been 2 months after giving birth, I’m afraid of death, I’m afraid that people close to me will die, I’m crying Yesterday a friend came to visit me, we haven’t seen each other for a long time, she has two kids neither day nor night there is no peace, baby everything ...

And the next day, and then. This was at 15.5 weeks. And that's when I fully realized that I am now a mother of two kids. After giving birth (having seen enough of my girlfriend) I’ll start drinking OK, and I won’t refuse condoms, so God forbid ... Yes, the second one is good, but in 5-7 years, when before ...

After 5 years, my friend's older brother died... I still can't get through to my mother - 2 years have passed since the death of my second son. with children is the key word! agree. communication and help to children, as well as help to anyone, can bring the author's girlfriend out of her grief. what I'm talking about...

you can expect happy birthday wishes from friends who have children. to my friends without children even in How and why the doctor examines the baby immediately after birth. In the history of childbirth, it indicates the date and hour of the birth of the child, the sex of the child, its weight and height ...

I remembered on occasion, I decided to collect it in a bunch - suddenly it will come in handy for someone.
A friend of mine lost her first and only child. I asked in a closed community for advice on how to behave correctly in dealing with her.
Below I copy without links some answers of survivors of a similar tragedy and their loved ones.

I had a negative example of such communication, but I will tell you just in case.
A good friend became pregnant, at the 7th month there was a premature birth, the child did not survive. I found out about this when I called to see how things were going. She said she was sorry and asked if there was anything I could do to help. Then she interrupted me and said: they say, you are probably rejoicing to yourself that my child is dead, you don’t want your own. And hung up.
To be honest, I didn't call again. Then she contacted me herself, as if nothing had happened. I understood that here my call itself was like a wound. She got in touch herself about six months later. And she was already completely cheerful, positive, making plans.

My friend’s child died, I didn’t find out about it right away, after the funeral. I didn’t know how to react, our relationship was good, but not very close, somehow I didn’t dare to call or come to her, I wrote a letter of condolences and transferred the money. Then, after about six months, she told me that she felt, in her words, "plagueed", almost all her acquaintances gave the same reaction as I did - they emotionally pulled away, she had no support, no one wanted to communicate with her - I think people just didn't know how to help her...

I can say that I had such an experience.
I tried not to climb, because. She doubted herself, but did not move away. This is very individual, someone after the lapse of time, on the contrary, needs people to be interested.

I have had more successful and less successful experiences, it seems. Less successful - with an old girlfriend. She was expecting a child, she really wanted to, but a week before the birth, the child died. We are in different countries, and I didn’t know what to say and do at all, especially since at that time I was coming to my senses after a second miscarriage and it seemed inappropriate to compare situations. I wrote something, but the words all seemed empty and meaningless, and then there was no opportunity to come. That same year, I met a young woman who lost her 3 month old daughter to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. She talked about her daughter, and we listened, and for her it was such a therapy. She is a doctor herself, and this added tragedy to her story (although much more tragic) - she saw that everything possible was being done to save her and knew that nothing could be done. Then she said that these conversations, stories to unfamiliar people helped her a lot to survive grief. And I myself noticed that it was much easier and much more useful for me to talk about miscarriages in LiveJournal (to my friends, but most of whom I had never met in real life) than to my old friends and relatives.

My mother-in-law's first girl died. For her, it was still a pain after the other two children had grown up and grandchildren had appeared. And she needed to talk about it from time to time, as if the pain periodically accumulated and it was necessary to release it.

My eldest daughter died at less than four years old. Before that, I had many girlfriends and friends, but few remained - it became difficult for me to communicate. it's hard to predict how to behave.
I think that you need to send a letter or SMS with serious, but somewhat abstract words of sympathy (not in the spirit of "how poor you are", but in the spirit of "a lot of terrible things happen in life"), and after that, never be the first to talk to a friend about the loss child, but listen to any of her words about it. everything is individual, but it was easier for me to maintain relationships with those friends who behaved this way, and did not look at me with "super-sympathy" that made me feel inferior and crazy

I encountered great grief only when a colleague's young wife died, whom he was very good at. I loved. she had cervical cancer, she was 30 years old. they had a child. even before her death (the doctors almost immediately said that there was no hope), the three of them went to a psychologist, decided how to prepare their three-year-old son, how to cope with her death for her and her future widower. then he himself wrote everyone an invitation to the funeral. and all of us (colleagues) wrote him letters, postcards, some texts. he answered everyone! I understand that everyone experiences grief differently. he had to do something in her memory. write invitations. arrange a beautiful funeral thought out to the smallest detail. reply to letters. how to splash out this grief, talk about it.

I support all comments where they offered to be honest about their feelings. and yet not press with pity, keep a certain distance, but be ready to help and - most importantly - make it clear to a friend. When they begin to feel sorry for me with an anguish in my voice about the fact that I lost my mother early, it is very annoying, although I have absolutely nothing against healthy sympathy, it is even very pleasant and useful to me, because, as already noted here, sometimes I want to talk, it really somehow accumulates, even after many years.

It is very important to speak out - I judge for myself. I have an absolutely pathological family - I buried two brothers, they were already adults and no one in my family discussed anything. as if nothing had happened. And it was important for me to tell my friends about the brothers. I think you need to write that you are ready (if you are really ready) to listen to her, that she can write or call at any time.

I had grief last year, loved ones died ... After the first death, I talked about it at work, received a comment from a colleague "you suffered so much with him, nothing would have come of him anyway." After that, she closed herself and did not tell anyone about the ensuing losses, sometimes she did, but she met a removal, it really was like a plague. Six months later, she began to tell some, she told her best friend, so no details just as a fact, and to clarifying questions she said that I didn’t want to talk about it. Now almost a year and a half has passed, but it still hurts, I cry sometimes. And when we got together with the class for the anniversary of the graduation, went to visit the class teacher, one of my classmates spoke on a close topic, but so easily and without tragedy, I felt my best friend hold my hand tightly. I myself did not feel how I was petrified just with a calm mask glued on. She supported me like that and it's probably the most valuable sympathy I've ever received.

We are all constantly being persecuted Problems that darken our lives. A small salary, a nasty boss, an unfaithful husband, a boring job, unfinished repairs, a broken car, an overdue loan, a harmful neighbor. And how ridiculous and absurd all these “sorrows” become when a real misfortune knocks on the door and genuine grief comes into the house.

When death takes a loved one is a blow from which it is very difficult to recover. And we easily reconcile ourselves if an old grandfather, who has long been weighed down by his own existence, departs to another world. "He was tormented and departed in peace," we sigh with bitterness, but partly with relief, sympathizing with the difficult existence of an old and sick person and implying that death saved him from his suffering.

But what about death of a child? After all, this happens, and you do not know how to behave in such a situation. For a long time people say: "God forbid anyone outlive their own child." When life leaves a child, still so innocent, whose soul yesterday was full of unrealizable, now, dreams. How often did he say "when I grow up...". It is hard to imagine what a person who has lost a child has to go through. How to support him, what words to find to ease his pain?

We humans are rare clubfoot in terms of . Already the one of us who manages not to constantly put pressure on people's sore calluses is reputed to be a very tactful person. And, of course, we are afraid to act in a situation where we have to support a person who has lost a child, because we are afraid to further aggravate his already terrible condition.

But hide from a person, having decided that it is better not to climb, and to give him a little time to recover, it is impossible in any case. We are all afraid to look into the eyes of a person whose child has died. But we must understand that this fear is nothing compared to what he himself is experiencing now. We do not have the right to be cowardly and remain on the sidelines, hiding and withdrawing, reassuring ourselves that it will be better this way. It will not be better, because a person needs support. Many who have experienced such grief recall that one of the most terrible stages was the alienation of relatives, acquaintances and friends who disappeared from the horizon and did not appear for a long time, and sometimes even crossed to the other side of the street, just not to meet them.

Don't hide and don't be afraid, find the courage to show participation and help a person, support him. But you need to do it right. Those of us who are not marked by cowardice, however, often make many stupid mistakes in trying to support a friend.

One of the most common (and at the same time one of the most absurd) mistakes is sincere appeals to a person who is crying with grief, calm down and stop crying. Of course, it’s hard for us to look at how it hurts someone, but sobs and tears are a way that a person relieves himself of unbearable emotional stress, and in no case should they be interrupted. It is better not to say anything at all in such situations.

The stage of sobbing and denial - the first which people who have lost a child have to go through in such situations. The most you can do is hug the person and just pat them on the back, patiently, until they stop crying. Words are superfluous, because there are no words that will bring the deceased back to life, and there are no words that can fill the void in the soul of a parent that was formed during the death of his child.

Second stage is a stage. It is accompanied by an impulsive search for someone to blame. Very often, a parent begins to blame himself and his spouse. It is necessary to show complete indulgence to any attacks and accusations of anyone. Of course, these accusations are mostly irrational, but there is no point in trying to argue with a person. Just calm him gently, and stop trying if he rudely stops them. He needs to get angry: aggression gives vent to emotions, and during such a mental trauma, the human psyche will try to throw out the tension in all ways available to it.

Third stage there is a state of depression. It is one of the hardest. At this stage, you should not be obsessive in your support, since each of your calls to "talk about it" will be a bitter reminder of a recent tragic event. It is better to talk to a person about something very routine, neutral and abstract. More often to be around, but move away as soon as you feel that a person wants to be alone. Just make it clear that you are ready to help and listen at any time when it is needed. If possible, you need something to distract a person from his difficult reasoning.

One of the effective methods fight with the trauma of tragic loss is the so-called aestheticization of grief. At the sites of major disasters or terrorist attacks, large mournful memorials are often erected, which serve as a kind of consolation to people. They come there on a certain day, lay flowers, and this, to some extent, helps them overcome their misfortune.

Parent or with a heavy loss care for the grave, the arrangement of a monument or site will help. It may seem to many that this is a fixation on grief, but in fact it is good, and there is no need to dissuade a person from such decisions. It is better to support him and provide all possible assistance.

Bad things happen. None of us are immune from this. Faith brings relief to someone and he convinces himself that the ways of the Lord are inscrutable, that everything in the world has some definite purpose. One way or another, but we are never ready for something like this to happen next to us, with one of our relatives or friends. But we must be brave enough not to abandon them, not to hide in our own shell, but to come to the rescue and, if possible, share this heavy burden.

Seeing your son beautiful and healthy in a dream portends news of his happiness and well-being.

But if in a dream you see that he is sick, injured, pale, etc., then expect bad news or trouble.

If you dream that your son killed you, then after your death he will inherit your fortune.

The dream in which you saw that your son died portends you great concern for his well-being.

Sometimes such a dream may indicate that your child has excellent health and your worries are groundless.

If in a dream your son is calling you, then soon he will need your help.

If you dream that you have a son, although in fact you have no children, then you will have to courageously endure future troubles or material losses.

Sometimes such a dream warns of great experiences. See interpretation: children, relatives.

The dream in which you saw that your son was born portends unrest and worries.

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Dream Interpretation - Son

If you dream of your future son, whom you see as a pretty and well-mannered boy, in real life this means that your career will go uphill and this will become your pride. You will be striving for a higher position.

If you dreamed that your son is not good-looking, suffers from some kind of deviations, then in reality beware of trouble.

A dream in which you see your son screaming and pleading for help portends grief and failure in business.