How to build a relationship with a girl. How to properly start a relationship with the opposite sex
Mark Tullius Cicero
Some people want to know how to start a relationship with the opposite sex, what steps need to be taken for this, what actions to take. In this article, I will briefly explain to you, starting from my experience in solving such problems, what you need to do in order to get to know the person you are interested in and build the relationship you need with him. To start a relationship, the first step is to decide what you are doing it for. That is, you must clearly be aware of your desires and needs in order to find a suitable person to satisfy them. If you need a partner solely to satisfy your physiological needs, then in this case you can start a temporary relationship with someone who needs the same from you. In this case, you do not need a serious relationship. But if you have a clear and clear long-term goal - the creation of a family, the birth of children, the joint achievement of some goals, and so on and so forth, then for such a relationship you need to select an appropriate person. Let's see how you can do this.
Usually people talk about feelings when they accidentally meet someone and their relationship develops by itself. Say, you can't order your heart, and if you fall in love with a person, you don't even think what he is, you just want to be with him. Well, of course, I understand all this perfectly well - feelings are feelings, if they play out, then it is difficult to control them. But I also know reasonable approaches to building relationships, when a partner is chosen deliberately, and only then feelings arise for him. So, contrary to popular belief, the heart can be ordered, or rather, offered to love the right person. You just need to understand that the more a person matches your life goals and values, the easier it will be for you to love him, and, accordingly, to love you. Because when people understand each other, when they have common values, goals, desires, worldview, their sympathy for each other grows and eventually turns into love. So, by the way, some women fall in love with a man - they completely adjust to him and become for a man the woman of his dreams. This work is delicate, but effective. I helped several women to charm the men they loved, and everything worked out great with them. Therefore, I know what I am saying when I invite you to consciously approach the creation of a serious relationship. There is no need to rely on chance - you yourself create your own destiny.
Courage is also very important in this matter. Where to meet the right person, how to do it - these are all the details. These questions can always be resolved. The main thing is to find courage in yourself and decide on this matter. After all, how many people cannot get to know each other just because they are afraid to approach a person, are afraid to talk to him and even on the Internet are afraid to start communication. But think, what is there to be afraid of, this is just an acquaintance - many are interested in it. People are made for dating. Be bold - both women and men love the bold. To build relationships, especially serious ones, you need to get over all your fears. You need to communicate with people, because without communication there will be no acquaintance, and without acquaintance there will be no relationship.
Young people often have difficulties in building relationships. Lacking the necessary self-confidence, they cannot exert sufficient efforts in this direction, as a result of which they suffer from loneliness. But I will repeat that building a relationship takes courage, and for it to appear, you need to act without thinking. Young guys especially don't need to be afraid of anything. It is important for them to just get to know the girls until they succeed in this business. The number of attempts does not matter, the final result is important. It happens that young guys turn to me for help and ask: how to start a relationship with a girl - where to get to know her better, how to approach her, what to say to her, and so on and so forth. Some of them manage to invent very complex theories for such a simple matter as acquaintance. But they don't really need any theories. When we decide this issue with them, we are not talking about how to get to know a girl, but about why they have not done it yet. And it turns out that they have a lot of fears of all kinds, and the main one is the fear of rejection. A girl can refuse and for a guy this is a very painful blow. Because of this, his self-esteem goes down. But, friends, one should approach refusals philosophically - all people are different, not all of them suit each other, they all have their own tastes, preferences, desires, dreams. Therefore, if you are denied, then this does not mean that something is wrong with you - it is just that the same girl has her own ideas about what kind of guy she needs. You yourself know what kind of princes they like to draw in their imaginations, in the absence of sufficient life experience. It goes away over the years. So you shouldn't be afraid of rejections - they are part of the dating process. Then, after you get to know the person, you will also need to competently build a relationship with him, figuring out how well you fit together. So this is a serious and painstaking work in which success may not be achieved immediately. Therefore, you should not be afraid and avoid possible failures.
Similarly, with the question of how to start a relationship with a man. Some women find it very difficult to solve this problem. But in fact, all that is required of them is simply to be active enough in this matter and not be afraid of failure. Often a woman needs to initiate an acquaintance. Only in this way can she attract the attention of a man and captivate him with herself. However, many women adhere to the outdated attitude that a man should take the first step towards a woman, that he should be the initiator of acquaintance, should take the initiative. Forget about it - a man does not owe anything, he acts as he wants, as it is more convenient for him. If he wants, the first will do; if he does not want, he will not do. And why should you hope for this - you are not the only woman on earth - come yourself, or at least interest the man in yourself, get into his field of vision, help his eyes. There are plenty of ways to do this. Many women, including with my help, have arranged their personal lives in this way. So you don't have to wait for anything, be bolder and grab your happiness yourself. You need a relationship - you build it. And you will definitely build them.
Another important point in this matter is taking responsibility for your choice. You can get to know a person, you can start developing a relationship with him, but at one point you may want to make a claim to him that he does not meet your expectations and does not become the way you want him to be. You have no idea how many relationships fall apart due to the fact that people cannot and do not want to accept the other person as he is. They choose their own partner, seeing perfectly what kind of person he is, and then condemn him for not changing. You cannot build a serious relationship with such an approach to people. You can't blame a person for unwillingness to change. Either make the right choice, or then blame yourself for starting to build a relationship with the initially unsuitable person for you. But you don't need to blame him for anything - it will only worsen your relationship. When you start a relationship with a person, you must understand that at this moment you are making a choice. You choose a person, character, thinking, psyche, whose behavior has been formed over the years. Some people are happy to change, but they cannot, since it is very difficult for them. And if you make claims to them that they are just themselves, then you will begin to shake the foundation of your relationship. And if this is not yet a developed relationship, then they will collapse very quickly.
Well, the last thing I want to advise you is to be extremely attentive to the desires and needs of the person with whom you want to have a relationship. In this business, as in trading - if you can offer a person what he needs, you will become interesting to him. It doesn't matter who we are talking about - a man or a woman, everyone has their own needs and desires, which in the case of a serious relationship should largely coincide with yours. If, for example, you are a woman and want to have a serious relationship with a man, but he only needs sex, then as my experience shows, in very rare cases a man goes to meet a woman. Much more often men make a bunch of promises to get what they want, and then they just disappear. Therefore, it is extremely important, on the one hand, to be interesting for another person, offering him what he needs, for which you first need to find out what exactly he needs, and on the other hand, it is important to compare the desires and needs of this person with your desires and needs. Here, in general, everything rests on the value system that people adhere to. If it is the same for them, then their desires, needs, and goals will largely coincide. And therefore, their relationship will be reliable and durable.
So a serious relationship requires a serious approach. But a temporary relationship, without, as they say, any obligations, you can not plan at all, for them, and casual acquaintances will do. But then do not make claims to your partner if it turns out that you wanted more, but he did not live up to your expectations. Do not hope for a miracle, wanting to make a beautiful swan out of the ugly duckling. Miracles do happen, but very rarely. I wouldn't have to deal with so many relationship problems if casual dating often escalated over time into something serious and reliable. So no matter how you feel, try not to lose your mind when starting relationships with people. Love must be reasonable, then it will be strong and long.
Question to the psychologist:
Hello!
It so happened that I have never had a relationship in my life. I start communicating with young people, everything seems to be fine, and then it turns out that they either want only sex from me, or they don’t want a relationship. Previously, I did not pay attention to this, but at one point I looked back and realized that I had this tendency from school! From the age of 14-15, when I began to communicate with boys. I am attractive, I dress well, I’m not stupid and I’ve never been ugly, but in my school years, relationships with guys did not go further than some kisses and text messages, although there was sympathy and all the prerequisites to start at least some kind of relationship. All my classmates and girlfriends had boyfriends during these years, I had love, but I have not ... I was never invited to a slow dance at school and camps, I was never given flowers ...
Then I entered the university, moved to another city, thought that I would find myself a young man, but everything repeats itself! And people are all completely different! Different professions, ages, outlook on life, different circumstances of acquaintances. And it turns out that someone only needs sex, someone used me for their own purposes, someone does not need a relationship. I can't even explain how it happens ... I communicated with a huge number of young people and at least one would come up, but everyone jumps off ... As if I'm doing something wrong ...
The last young man I met did the same. Although before he told me that he did not want a relationship, but he was good with me and wants to continue to communicate, everything was fine. We spent time together, we felt good. Brought to his home, introduced him to family members. Romance. It didn't even come to bed, and at one point he makes such a statement to me. After that, I feel empty. I don't feel like crying, just emptiness.
I don’t understand what’s the matter ... It cannot be that not one from school has approached me. This is strange ... It looks like some kind of curse. Or maybe the problem is me? But which one? If I was that terrible, then people would communicate with me and stop communicating after the first meeting.
The question is answered by the psychologist Katerina Porfirievna Goloskokova.
Hello Maya.
If situations are repeated over and over again, then perhaps there really are some peculiarities in your communication with young people that are repeated. I would not ask what is wrong with you. And I would suggest investigating what you do in a similar way in contact with young men. That is, "not so" not in relation to one's own personality, but "not so" in relation to the establishment of relationships.
You write that the beginning of your contact is quite optimistic, you even got to know your parents, and what happens then? Perhaps you are trying to force events or put all the dots on the "and" at once. You mention several times that your potential boyfriend was "not ready for a relationship." There is a feeling that you are so anxious that almost on the first date you are trying to find out what kind of relationship you have, what to call them and what your chosen one is ready for. But after all, it is not possible to determine immediately, with someone a friendship will be struck, with someone there will be love or sympathy, well, with someone in general, there is nothing in common and you will not want to keep in touch, but this will become clear only after what - then the period of recognition of each other. And you seem to be determined to know right away whether or not we will meet and what our joint future is. In addition to the fact that this is unrealistic, it can also scare away from these very relationships.
If the situation is really so frightening and intolerable for you, then I highly recommend thinking about psychotherapy, this is a great opportunity to change your life the way you would like to see it. But in any case, whatever you decide, the main thing is not to despair and do not invent curses for yourself. If there is a desire to change, then there will certainly be such opportunities.
To make friends with a person, you should let him know that you are interested in him. That is, that your preferences in some areas coincide. (But these preferences should be had, and they should not be purely feminine, for example, makeup).
In other words, you should find out through friends and acquaintances what are the main interests of the guy and build the first conversation with him on this topic. For example, if he loves Jackson's songs, you should know Michael's main songs and their lyrics (easily found on the Internet at sites and forums dedicated to Jackson). If he loves horses, or motorcycles, or tourism, he will have to study the topic and understand at least the basics in it, so as not to look like a complete dumbass in the eyes of a person.
The same friends and acquaintances should find out as much information about him as possible, and if, for example, he loves his father, one should not speak disparagingly about his parent. However, you should not speak like that about any of his relatives, friends and acquaintances at all, because his momentary irritation at them will pass, and you will cause strong suspicion with your disloyal attitude towards them.
What you should definitely never do: ask someone to tell a guy that you like him a lot. History knows many cases when messengers, not knowing how to fulfill such a delicate assignment, due to embarrassment and too careful choice of words, were misunderstood and feelings were attributed to them. Your name may not be mentioned at all, as events can begin to develop in completely unpredictable ways.
It happens, of course, that the meeting is accidental, in transport, for example, and if love happened at first sight, you need to use some simple tricks - to ask some minor questions, for example, what time is it now. Or how to go to such and such a station or where such and such a street.
If your feeling is not mutual, you will be given to understand it. If it is mutual, your attempts will be well received by the other side and will be developed and expanded. So, it is quite possible that both of you will get off at the wrong station where you were going and your business will have to wait a little.
In addition, you should be careful with his feelings. No matter how strange or ridiculous his addiction may seem, a mockery of this addiction may well be the beginning of the destruction of the relationship.
Therefore, you should tell yourself: since I choose him, he is the best. And everything he does is the best and most correct. And everything that he likes is perfectly matched, and so on for each item.
It will be very nice if, in casual conversations where his name will be mentioned, you give a positive response about him: without excessive exaltation, but calm and reasoned. The first will be perceived as your temporary whim, the second will definitely be remembered by people and the attitude towards your chosen one will shift to a plus. Even if it (the attitude of your listeners to your beloved) was good before, then it will strengthen and will certainly affect future relationships: if a person inspires such respectful trust in you, then others will also consider the person worthy.
Ask a psychologist
I am 22 years old. Not so long ago I broke up with my girlfriend. The last half a year, the relationship was already hanging by a thread, and a month ago we decided to finally break up. Quiet, peaceful and without scandals. But I personally still had a sediment (after all, after all, 2 years, and I also had feelings for her). She was from another city, we rarely met, then I had financial difficulties, then she was studying, in general we saw each other once 4-5 months for a week, for two. Now I work, I give all the money to the parents with whom I live, because our family is experiencing great financial difficulties at this stage, so there is no talk of any personal spending. By nature, I am a rather closed and secretive person. I will not trust a person to the end and be open with him until I see who he is and what can be expected from him. Therefore, it is difficult for me to make contact with new people, even if it is not pleasant myself - such a character trait has developed. And I want a real soul mate to take care of each other, trust, support. And looking at modern girls in general, the hair stands on end and you start to think - where to look for that one. Or not to seek and trust fate. In general, some contradictions. The situation is further complicated by the fact that I am visually impaired - in childhood I had an injury and now I cannot see my eyes and does not look healthy either. It seems like I’m not complex, it’s been a long time, and I’ve never hid it, but I understand perfectly well that a girl will not be delighted with such a thing, and when I meet, it’s not always easy to strike up a conversation due to my irrepressible suspicion, and it’s banal to get nervous. In general, I want to ask that in such a situation, tell me, I want to improve my personal life, but it does not work out.
Hello Sergey!
I understand your feelings associated with parting. Breaking up is always a trauma for us, which takes time to get over it. Sometimes it takes up to 1 year to experience them. However, until we survive and recover, other relationships are very difficult for us to build. The destruction of the relationship also contributes to a decrease in self-esteem, which you are now describing, remembering that you have an eye injury and are not sociable enough. No psychologist can cancel these experiences, you need to go through this part of your life and live in order to rebuild relationships that will satisfy you in the future. Regarding your worries that it is difficult for you with the inability to communicate and with an eye injury to find your other half, you, a person who has already been in a relationship, want to remind you. The most important thing in a relationship is trust. And it is this that, allowing us to open up or accept the openness of another person, gives us the opportunity to get to know him better and fall in love. After all, while we do not know a person and have not communicated with any, even the most beautiful appearance is indifferent to us. Yes, we can evaluate externally, call it cute, but love and relationships are built on what we see in the inner world of a person. Otherwise, only people with a model appearance would create couples. However, this is not so, because love does not arise consciously, but unconsciously, when our brain compares information about a person - it gives us: "Yes, it is he (she) - my person." That is, in fact, the ability to gradually reveal oneself to a person is a guarantee of necessary relationships, and not superficial ones - one-day ones, based on the ability to speak beautifully.
Good answer 6 Bad answer 0Hello Sergey!
If there is a need, you can go to a psychologist. To work with questions of self-esteem and attitude towards oneself, to work out complexes - here client-centered non-directive psychotherapy helps a lot. Treats himself without evaluation with full acceptance of himself - the guarantee of the same attitude towards you on the part of the future partner. Now about partners - not so much time was lost in relationships, a new generation of girls did not have time to be born and grow up. So your stereotypes are not entirely correct - it will not work out painlessly to search and choose, as well as build relationships - the help of a psychologist during the play will be just right.
So make up your mind - we will help you find a specialist in Kiev, if necessary ...
Maxim Reutsky, psychologist, Ph.D., Dnepropetrovsk
Good answer 5 Bad answer 1In the life of every man, a meeting takes place, which leads to the fact that everything around him changes. She attracts you not only with her appearance and inner content, your feelings are reverent for her and sincere. How to build a relationship with a girl, if you are serious, and why sometimes girls leave, the rules of this article will tell you.
Girls are not stupid creatures that are created only for intimacy. They may be more intelligent than you. Do not label everyone with “fools” labels;
The girls have a highly developed intuition and natural flair. Don't try to deceive her. The point is that sooner or later the lie will be revealed anyway;
In no case should you treat the girl's feelings with negligence, your accidentally thrown words can inflict a severe mental wound. Do not be rude and in no case allow yourself to raise your hand to the girl. It's low;
Do not always be a gentleman, be a "bully" doing "feats" for your girlfriend. It's very romantic.
Do not hide from her what is happening in your soul. If you really love her, then tell her about it. All your words matter, because it is very important for a girl to know that she is important, loved and needed;
In order for your relationship to develop and have further prospects, you need to develop yourself. Become the person you can rely on in difficult times, who is not afraid to make money, with whom the girl will feel protected. Self-education doesn't hurt;
Know how to choose the right one at a crucial moment. In order to properly build a relationship with a girl, you should not deceive her that you have urgent business or a meeting, but you will spend time with the guys, each time on the phone saying that you are still very busy. It is important to tell the truth, the girl will understand you if you need to be with friends. This is not a crime;
Listen to each other. It is important that you agree on everything that concerns your couple: behavior, manner of communication, pastime, etc. Try to observe everything that makes your relationship sincere and stable;
Surprises are gifts not only for your girlfriend, but also for yourself. By giving a present to your girlfriend, you become more open to mutual feelings. You don't need to listen to those who say that you spoil the girl with your behavior. Not at all, it is argued by those who cannot afford it;
Excessive jealousy is useless at the dawn of your relationship. Trust your soul mate if you want to continue to have a serious relationship with her;
You should not avoid thinking about how the course of your relationship will develop further. Dream that you can make this person happy in marriage, which means that it is worth making plans for the future life.
Never be shy about your feelings if you want to build a relationship with a girl. Always be open, show your sympathy and then you will succeed. Speak sweet words. Repeat many times that you cannot live without it, that it is very dear to you. After all, such words will have a great effect, since the expression “all girls love with their ears” is true.
You will need to always keep in mind that a girl is always looking for a reliable man, on whose shoulder you can always lean on, who will come running in difficult times and help as best he can. Show that you are a confident person, be stable in your decisions, do not hesitate. Get on your feet materially. Graduate from college and find a quality job. Also, always show that you can get along with children, that you will be a good father. Always emphasize this.
Always plan everything. So that there are no unpleasant situations. If your friends are calling you to various events, and earlier, you and your girlfriend had plans, then you should not deceive, say that urgent matters or your mother is sick. Speak out, say everything as it is and refuse to meet with friends.
Make your demands on the manner of communication, appearance. And the most important thing is to say that you will not be satisfied with this or that. Also, listen to her opinion and her claims. After all, if you both do everything as planned, then there will be almost no quarrels between you.
Each couple reunites in difficult times. As soon as a difficult situation has happened, then have a good discussion about it together. Agree in advance that there should be no insults.
Do you want to build a relationship with a girl? Then don't be too jealous. After all, it is precisely this quality that can destroy your long-term relationship. After all, no one likes it when he is asked about everything thoroughly. To build the right relationship with your girlfriend, do not suspect everyone that they are your girlfriend's lover or are just looking at her.
How to build the right relationship with a girl? Always talk about the future, what you are planning, both family life and financial. Also, you should pay close attention to children. Say that you want them and would like to have them in the future.
Always give gifts of any kind that can make your girlfriend happy. It can be flowers or toys. Yes, in general, a lot, the main thing is that the girl is pleased.
Why are the girls leaving? Causes
Girls quit when they don't get what they expect from guys.
· Men find it difficult to understand the logic by which girls think that you are not giving them enough attention. Well, in fact, isn't it clear that the fact that you work ten hours a day is solely for her own good, in order to earn more money? But it is difficult for them.
They also do not understand that your personal life should not concern them - they strive to stick their pretty nose into all the nooks and crannies of your soul. And if they begin to feel that they are not allowed there, it can end in a rupture.
Likewise, an overabundance of your attention can be disastrous for a relationship. They may perceive this as a diktat and an encroachment on their freedom. Here is such a paradox. You need to be ready for this when you decide to build a relationship with a girl.
· Think - did you overload her with homework, and most importantly - could you adequately appreciate what she did for you? Yes, a woman is ready for a lot for the sake of her man, she is ready from morning till night to solve his everyday problems, wash, clean, clean, cook.
But in return, she expects you to pay attention to how much she does for you, and if you just take it for granted, she may rebel. After all, no one wants to feel like something like a free supplement to kitchen appliances.
· It is difficult for young people to understand this, but quite a few girls, though not all, dream of a serious relationship and want to start a family with the person they love. It is very rare for girls to date boys solely for the sake of sex; they usually hope that the relationship will end in a happy marriage. And if she cooked dinner for you, cleaned the apartment and washed your shirts, and you never made her an offer, she may get tired of this business and she will leave.
Girls leave if they are humiliated
· You may find it strange, but girls sometimes have a sense of their own dignity. In other words, if, when she comes home, she sees a colorless grumpy grump, which only does what drips on her brain, involuntarily a thought may arise in her head - why do I need all this? Is it really just to serve your master in bed after a hard day at work and household chores? And, in general, she will be right.
· You can name and a whole bunch of reasons why your girlfriend could leave you. Do you abuse alcoholic beverages? Have you cheated on her? Have you raised your hand to her? Dig into your memory - for sure you will find a suitable answer.
Girls leave if they are not appreciated
· You have criticized and reproached her too much and often on every occasion. And building a relationship with a girl will not work that way. Even if you have an ideal image of your girlfriend in your head, you must understand that real girls will not always match it. If you do not want to put up with this and are going to remake your girlfriend, then she may simply not bear the fire of your incessant criticism and leave.
· The girls do not always leave because you personally do not suit her. It just might be that someone else suits her a lot more. In other words, you didn't notice that she was starting a relationship with another guy. And it is possible that she began to meet with you exclusively in spite of him, but over time they made up. So she left.
· The girl, meeting with you, realized that you are not yet serious enough to connect your own life with you. That is, in bed and at parties to have such a gentleman, of course, is cool, but you are not yet able to provide a common future. And not because you earn little, but because you are simply not ready to take on such responsibility. So why waste your time?
· And, finally, the most banal reason why girls leave is that she has stopped loving you. Yes - this also happens and quite often. And if during your relationship you did not have time to tie yourself up with official ties, and she does not expect a child from you, then in this case she turns around and leaves. And this is understandable - after all, you would have done exactly the same in her place, wouldn't you?
We hope this article will help you build a relationship with your girlfriend.