Violations in parent-child relationships. Child-parent relationship disharmonious upbringing
The modern family is a complex structure and a fairly stable system that creates a specific atmosphere for the life of people, forms the norms of relationships and behavior of a growing person. By constructing a certain socio-psychological climate for a child's life, the family largely determines the development of his personality in the present and future. As a factor of socialization, the family occupies a significantly higher rank than the school or other social institutions of personality formation.
The relevance of the problematics of child-parental relations remains invariably acute throughout the development of psychological science and practice. Many authors (A. Spivakovskaya, A. Zakharov, Yu. Gippenreiter, M. Buyanov, Z. Mateychek, G. Khomentauskas, A. Framm, R. Snyder, etc.) have been addressing the topic of parent-child relations in recent years, but more often practicing psychologists.
Problems concerning parent-child relations are touched upon in the works of A. Baldwin, D. Bowmrid, V.I. Garbuzova, E. Harutyunyants, A.E. Lichko, E.G. Eidemiller, A. Ya. Varga, A.I. Zakharovets, A.S. Spivakovskaya, M. Sigelman, B. Yu. Shapiro and others. Experts quite fully reflect in their research issues related to the types of parenting, types of improper parenting, family options, parent-child positions, family functions that affect the personal and mental development of children and, in turn, the process of their socialization and adaptation in society.
In Russian psychology, studies devoted to the problem of parent-child relations are mainly of a narrowly applied nature and in most cases do not go beyond the psychotherapeutic approach. Clinical psychologists, consultants and psychotherapists have accumulated vast experience in working with the problems of parent-child relationships, which most often receives a rather eclectic interpretation from the standpoint of Western directions.
Parties relationship of parents to children can be represented as three groups of factors.
The factors of the 1st order include the following aspects of parental relationships:
1. In interacting with children, parents involuntarily compensate for many of their unreacted experiences, that is, their attitude is reactive. For example, the mother's overprotection is based on anxiety and fear of loneliness, nervous breakdowns in the form of screaming and physical punishment, which compensate for the nervous tension of the parents; or countless remarks and pedantic predestination of the children's way of life proceed from suspiciousness, excessive adherence to principles and one-sidedly understood authority in the family.
2. Unconscious projection of personal problems onto children, when parents accuse them of something that is practically inherent in themselves, but do not realize it properly and, most importantly, in a timely manner.
3. The gap between word and deed, when parental morality is too abstract, abstract and not supported by a living, direct example, or parents say one thing and do another, reflecting the duality of their personality and inconsistency of judgments.
4. Crisis situations of the child's mental development are also unable to stabilize, to cope with his fear and anxieties. They exert too much effort, worrying and worrying even more than the child himself, and this contributes to the fixation of his neurotic reactions, which are at first episodic in nature.
The factors of the 2nd order are:
1. Lack of understanding of the originality of the personal development of children. For example, parents consider them stubborn, while it is about maintaining basic self-esteem, or parents think that the child does not want, but he cannot, and so on.
2. Rejection of children - this is rejection of the individuality of the child, his originality, character traits.
3. Inconsistency of requirements and expectations of parents with the capabilities and needs of children. This is the leading pathogenic factor causing neuropsychic stress in children.
4. Inflexibility of parents in relations with children is expressed by: insufficient consideration of the situation of the moment; untimely response; fixing problems, getting stuck on them; programmability; lack of alternatives in solutions; bias in judgment; imposing opinions.
5. The unevenness of the attitude of parents in different years of the life of children. Lack of care is replaced by an excess of it, or, conversely, excess - by a lack as a result of the changing nature of the perception of children, the birth of a second child and the contradictory personal development of the parents themselves.
6. Inconsistency in the way children are treated is a significant factor in neuroticism as a result of changing and conflicting demands from parents.
7. Inconsistency of relations between parents. It is due to the presence of a conflict, enhanced by the contrasting features of their temperament.
3rd order factors:
1. Affectivity - an excess of parental irritation, discontent or anxiety, anxiety and fear. Affectiveness often creates the effect of a bustle in the house: randomness, disorder, general excitement.
2. Anxiety in relations with children is expressed by: anxiety and panic for any, even a trifling matter; the desire to overly patronize the child; do not let go of him; protection from all, mostly imaginary, dangers, which is due to the presence of anxious premonitions, apprehensions, fears of the mother herself; By "tying" children to themselves, including their mood, feelings, experiences; intolerance of waiting and impatience, the desire to do everything for the child in advance; doubting the correctness of their actions and at the same time an obsessive need to constantly warn, give countless advice and recommendations.
3. Dominance creates inflexibility in family relationships and is often expressed in a large number of threats that come down on children if they have their own opinion and do not immediately follow orders. In addition, parents with powerful character traits tend to accuse children of disobedience, stubbornness and negativity.
4. Hypersociality is a feature of upbringing, when it has too correct, without taking into account the individuality of the child, character. She has elements of some formality in relations with children, a lack of emotional contact, sincerity and spontaneity in expressing feelings. Parents, as it were, bring up a child according to a specific, given program, without taking into account the originality of his personality, age needs and interests.
5. Mistrust in the capabilities of children, their emerging life experience is expressed by: alertness and suspicion about changes; mistrust and suspicion of change; distrust of the child's own opinion; disbelief in his independence; excessive regulation of lifestyle; rechecking the child's actions; excessive and often petty care; numerous warnings and threats.
6. Lack of responsiveness, or insensitivity, means an untimely or insufficient response to the request of children, their needs, moods and affects. Such an attitude can be caused by various reasons: increased adherence to principles or immaturity of parental feelings, rejection of the child, imperiousness, egocentrism, neurotic state, conflict relations, and so on.
The creation of harmonious relations, a prosperous psychologically comfortable climate in the family should be the first task of spouses and parents, since without this it is impossible to form a healthy, full-fledged personality of the child. Deviations in family relationships negatively affect the formation of the child's personality, character, self-esteem and other mental qualities of the personality; these children may experience various problems: a state of increased anxiety, deterioration in academic performance, difficulties in communication, and many others.
The parent-child relationship affects the mental health of children.
Preschool age is characterized by close emotional attachment of the child to parents, in the form of a need for love and recognition. At this age, the child is still not able to navigate well in the intricacies of interpersonal communication, is not able to understand the causes of conflicts between parents, does not possess the means to express his own feelings and experiences. That's why,
firstly, very often a quarrel between parents is perceived by a child as an alarming event, a situation of danger,
secondly, he is inclined to feel guilty in the conflict that has arisen, the misfortune that has occurred, because he cannot understand the true reasons for what is happening and explains everything by the fact that he is bad, does not justify the hope of his parents and is not worthy of their love.
Thus, frequent conflicts, loud quarrels between parents cause in preschool children a constant feeling of anxiety, self-doubt, emotional stress and can become a source of their psychological ill health.
The consequences are especially dire when adults involve a child in their difficult relationships and long-term conflicts. Parents just live side by side, not experiencing positive feelings and emotions for each other. Children observe these situations and are forced to take the position of a mother or father. Therefore, an intolerable situation is created for their psyche, when one of the parents denigrates the other, seeks to cause his condemnation.
Use a calm, friendly tone in your family.
Show your child a personal example of effective behavior. Do not allow outbursts of anger with him, unflattering, angry statements about other people, manifestations of a desire to take revenge on someone for an insult.
Watch your facial expressions when handling your baby. Frowning eyebrows, angrily sparkling eyes, a distorted face - a "psychological slap in the face" to a child.
Believe in the uniqueness of your child, that your child is one of a kind, unlike any neighbor's child and is not an exact copy of yourself. Therefore, you should not demand from the child the implementation of the life program you have set and the achievement of your goals.
Build on your child's strengths.
Do not hesitate to show him your love, let him know that you will love him always and under any circumstances.
Use affection and encouragement rather than punishment and censure as an educational impact.
Try so that your love does not turn into permissiveness and neglect. Establish clear frameworks and prohibitions (it is desirable that there are few of them - only the most basic, in your opinion) and allow the child to freely act within these frameworks. Themselves strictly adhere to the established prohibitions and permissions.
Lichko A.E. developed the following classification of families:
Structural composition:
complete family (there is a mother and a father);
incomplete family (there is only a mother or father);
distorted or deformed family (having a stepfather instead of a father or a stepmother instead of a mother).
Functional features:
harmonious family;
disharmonious family.
In the structure of the family, one can distinguish the relationship between spouses (marital relationship), the relationship between parents and children (child-parental relationship), the relationship between siblings, as well as between relatives.
Marital relations are a system of diverse feelings, attitudes, perceptions, understanding of each other by marriage partners.
Child-parent relationship is a system of various feelings of parents in relation to the child, as well as the child in relation to parents, the peculiarities of perception, understanding of the personality character and actions of each other.
In accordance with the theory of attachments, formed by D. Boubie and M. Ainsworth, it is possible to determine the most important parameters of the parental relationship. They are: tenderness, caring, sensitivity to the needs of the child, reliability, safety, predictability, consistency. The parent-child relationship, which in this theory is called attachment, includes two opposite tendencies. One is the desire for knowledge, risk, thrilling situations, and the other is the desire for protection and safety. One tendency encourages the child to separate from his parents and strive for the outside world, while the other brings him back. The ability of the parent to adequately encourage these tendencies determines the usefulness of the parental relationship for the development of the child.
1.2 Disorder of parent-child relationships as a cause of drug addiction
The representative of the psychoanalytic direction, the American L. Würsmer, identifies four main disorders of emotional communication that contribute to the onset of narcotic diseases:
childhood violence by parents;
obsessive control of the child's behavior;
a constant lie cultivated in the family. As a result, “shame becomes the dominant emotion in the child, depersonalization occurs, and the sense of reality is lost”;
inconsistency in education. As a result, the stability of the "super-I" is disturbed, and this leads to a violation of socialization.
Another representative of the psychoanalytic direction Bern E. believes that there is a game "alcoholic", a scenario that is formed in early childhood, as a result of a "push" from the parents in the form of statements: "he is a fool with us" or "she is dirty with us," etc. .d. In adulthood, a child who has grown up in such a family follows the parents' script prescription "kill yourself", laid down by them in childhood, using alcohol and drugs for this purpose.
Psychologist A. Balikoev also speaks about a life scenario, but from a different point of view. He believes that contact with the child is often lost even before birth, when the parents have already come up with a life scenario for their son or daughter. Parents see themselves in the child and try to solve their problems for him, to realize their unfulfilled dreams (moreover, without even realizing it).
A number of authors consider the violation of identification with parents to be the main reason for drug addiction. "The theory of identification emphasizes the role of emotions and imitation, believing that the child imitates the behavior of representatives of the same gender, primarily the parents, whose place he wants to take." Allport believes that the identification of a male drug addict with his father is usually weak or does not exist at all. He considers drug addiction a rebellion against parents, and indirectly, against society.
With regard to large families, A. Adler believed that the last child's tendency towards strong dependence on everyone older than himself in the family, which allowed him to immediately and without difficulty solve the problem in childhood, could result in a high probability of chemical dependence.
According to S.V. Berezin, a common feature that unites such families is that spouses and other household members speak, think, reason on one level, and interact, feel, experience - on another, which forms a hidden infrastructure of their life, a kind of subtext of family relations. It is in this subtext that the reason that fixes drug addiction can be hidden.
From the standpoint of family psychology, drug addiction can be viewed as an extreme form of resolving a family crisis. In this regard, drug addiction is a kind of message about crisis processes from which the whole family suffers. At the same time, the more camouflaged, the deeper the fact and the causes of the family crisis are suppressed, suppressed and hidden, the more acutely the ill-being of children is manifested.
According to the literature data, a number of features typical for families of drug addicts can be identified. Often, the authors present opposite points of view, which only confirms the scale and urgency of this problem. However, there is no doubt that the foundations of the personality are laid in the family, therefore the psychological aspect of the relationship is of particular importance in it. "By itself, the family model (complete, incomplete) still does not determine anything. It is impossible to predict anything without knowing the psychological microclimate of the family, the relationships that have developed in it, value orientations, cultural needs, traditions." The foundations of character laid down in childhood largely determine how a person grows up. The attitude of a person towards drugs depends on the experience of his childhood, on his personality, as well as on social conditions.
This explains why some people do not feel the need for drugs, even if they can be easily obtained, while others are moderate drug users who never become addicted to them, while others are "involved" and, moreover, capable switch from one type of drug to another.
According to Fromm, "the human body needs a certain minimum amount of excitement (excitement). We see that a person eagerly seeks excitement and responds directly to it." At the same time, "a person with a rich inner life is active in himself and does not need special external stimuli, because in reality he sets himself goals and objectives."
Fromm draws attention to the activity, productivity, originality of children at the age of five, who themselves constantly find themselves "incentives" and "create" a whole world out of scraps of paper, pieces of wood, etc. But already at the age of six, when they fall under the "millstones of the educational mill," they begin to adapt, lose their spontaneity, become passive and need such stimulation that allows them to react passively.
According to Bratus B.S., the main attention should be paid to those periods of a person's life when he is still far from craving for drugs, when his personality, the circle of his moral interests, the ways and style of achieving the intended goals are formed. In other words, one should start with psychological and socio-psychological reasons, the origins of drug addiction as an "anomaly" in the formation of personality.
Psychological studies conducted by Jung C.G. have shown that the types of associations are especially similar among certain family members, for example, the mother and the child. An example is described where more than 30% of all associations between mother and daughter were represented by the same words. "This is an amazing case of mental infection."
This study once again confirms the high degree of influence of parents on the formation of the child's personality.
Generalizing the determinants of parenting in various concepts, B.Yu. Shapiro identified the following:
personality traits of the parent (concept by A. Adler, J. Bowlby, L. Loewinger)
etiological factors (S. Leibovichi)
personal and clinical and psychological characteristics (works by M.I. Lisina, N. Newson)
sociocultural determinants (H. Harlow, M. Laos)
peculiarities of intra-family relations (A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A.Ya. Varga, E.G. Eidemiller).
According to the literature, most authors point to a direct relationship between drug addiction and developmental conditions such as an alternating (variable, alternating) type of emotional relationship on the part of parents and incongruous communication between parents and children. Maksimova N.Yu., speaking about the role of improper upbringing in the emergence of addictive behavior, indicates, first of all, the emotional attitude towards the child: the degree of emotional contact with the son or daughter, tenderness, tenderness in communication with him.
Addictive behavior is one of the forms of deviant (deviant) behavior with the formation of a desire to escape from reality by artificially changing one's mental state by taking certain substances or by constantly fixing attention on certain types of activity, which is aimed at developing and maintaining the intensity of emotions [Ts.P ... Korelenko, T.A. Donskikh].
The development of the sphere of emotions and feelings of the child depends on the experience of communication in the family. Violation of emotional ties between family members prevents the child from assimilating the norms of relationships and moral positions. Conflicting, tense relations between parents lead to violations of the emotional and volitional development of children, manifested in difficulties of social adaptation, deviations in behavior.
Russian scientists also emphasize the age-related role of emotional factors in the functioning of the family, because individual moral consciousness presupposes not just the perception and understanding of the principles and norms of morality, but also the generalization of emotional experience.
Psychological studies have shown that a special role in the emotional, moral and mental development of a child is played by his closeness to his mother in the first years of life. Lack of maternal care or its long-term deprivation leads to a state of "mental deprivation", which is associated with a developmental deviation, which manifests itself in various forms, including drug addiction.
Each family has its own level of moral and emotional expressiveness of intrafamily relations, which depends on the individual characteristics of family members.
In the psychoanalytic tradition, a number of studies have been carried out on the emotional relationship between parents and children. As the main explanatory categories, H.E. Richter uses psychoanalytic concepts (the role of the child, transference, narcissistic projections), analyzing on their basis disturbances in family relationships. By the child's role, he understands "a structured set of unconscious parental expectations - fantasies that prescribe the child to perform a certain function."
K. Rogers considers the violation of family relations more from the standpoint of direct interaction as a lack of a satisfactory emotional attitude (empathy, level of respect, readiness for disclosure, etc.), contributing to "true self-actualization."
Continuing the psychoanalytic tradition, V. Burian believes that the decisive factor in the formation of drug addiction is alexithymia - difficulties with verbalizing feelings. This defect occurs in early childhood when communication with the mother is disturbed. During this period, the somatic expression of affect is the only form of communication with the mother. Most mothers perceive it as a demand for support, while contributing to the formation of the child's skills of introspection and verbal reporting of their emotions. As a result, affect in children is verbalized and differentiated. If the interaction between the child and the mother is disturbed, then the affect is verbalized inadequately, remains undifferentiated and is perceived as threatening, the danger of infantile dreams increases.
Violations of parent-child relationships
Each child is fully inscribed surrounded by the adults with whom he lives. It completely depends on them and is formed by them. No matter how different the parental attitudes towards raising children, in whatever different families they are implemented, on the whole, according to the result, they can be divided into two large groups: optimal and non-optimal parental positions.
Optimal position can be described as the ability of parents to see, to understand the individuality of their child, to notice the changes taking place in his soul. Willingness to change the manner of relations with the child as he grows up and in connection with various changes in the living conditions of the family. Communication style should outpace the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of children. It is not the child who should lead the parents, but the other way around.
Non-optimal include rejecting position, evasion position, dominance position, rejecting-coercive position.
Rejection position... Parents perceive the child as a "heavy duty", strive to get rid of this "burden", constantly blame and criticize the child's shortcomings, do not show patience.
Evasion position... This position is characteristic of parents who are emotionally cold, indifferent; contacts with a child are casual and rare; the child is given complete freedom and lack of control.
Dominant attitude towards children... This position is characterized by: adherence, severity of an adult in relation to a child, a tendency to limit his needs, social freedom, independence. The leading methods of this family education are discipline, regime, threats, punishment.
Rejection-coercive position... Parents adapt the child to the pattern of behavior they have developed, regardless of his individual characteristics. Adults make high demands on the child, impose their own authority on him. However, they do not recognize the child's rights to independence. The attitude of adults towards children is evaluative.
In what families do failures in parent-child relationships occur most often? What features of intra-family scenarios of adults naturally entail distortions in the upbringing and formation of the child's personality? Let's consider a few of these most typical family scenarios.
Outwardly "calm family". In this family, events proceed smoothly, from the outside it may seem that the relations of its members are ordered and coordinated. However, upon closer acquaintance, it turns out that behind the prosperous "facade" there are deeply suppressed feelings for each other for a long time. Dissatisfaction, boredom, spouses communicate little with each other, stereotypically and meticulously perform their duties. A sense of responsibility prevails over sincerity. In such families, psychosomatics, melancholy, depression bloom in a stormy color. The child lives in tension, with a feeling of anxiety, not understanding its source.
"Volcanic" family. In this family, relationships are fluid and open. Spouses constantly sort things out, often disagree, so that they will soon love tenderly and again treat each other sincerely and tenderly. In this case, spontaneity, emotional immediacy prevail over a sense of responsibility. Whether the parents want it or not, the specific emotional atmosphere of the family has a constant impact on the personality of the child. Children experience strong emotional stress. Parental quarrels are perceived by the child as a catastrophe, a threat to the stability of the child's perception of the world.
Family - "sanatorium" This is a characteristic type of family disharmony. The behavior of the spouses takes the form of a sanatorium, efforts are spent on "family protection" around one adult family member. A kind of collective self-restraint. The spouses spend all the time together and try to keep the children around them. The social circle is limited, contacts with friends are minimized. Since the unconscious goal of one of the spouses is to retain the love and care of the other, the child cannot compensate for the lack of love on the part of either parent. The family's limited care, internal relations leads to a constant fixation of attention to health, emphasizing all kinds of dangers, intimidation. The need to keep the child in the family leads to discrediting of extrafamilial values. Petty guardianship, tight control and excessive protection from real and perceived dangers are characteristic signs of attitudes towards children in families of the “sanatorium” type.
Such parental positions lead to an excessive overload of the child's nervous system, in which neurotic breakdowns occur. In adolescence, such children have increased protest reactions and a desire to leave the family early.
The family is a "fortress". This scenario is based on the idea of the aggressiveness of the surrounding world, threat, cruelty. People are like carriers of evil. The “all-round defense” masks spiritual emptiness or sexual abuse. This type is characterized by the limited scope of the family circle with disharmonious internal connections. The attitude towards children in such a family is strictly regulated, the need to limit ties outside the family leads to a rigid fixation of all kinds of restrictions.
In families of the "fortress" type, the child's love is increasingly acquiring a conditional character, he is loved when he justifies the demands placed on him by the family circle. Such a family atmosphere and types of upbringing lead to an increase in the child's self-doubt, to lack of initiative, sometimes intensify protest reactions and behavior in the form of stubbornness and negativism. The “fortress” family puts the child in a contradictory position, a situation of internal conflict caused by a mismatch between the requirements of the parents, the environment and the child's own experience. Constant internal conflict leads to overstrain of the nervous system, creates an increased risk of neurotic disease.
The family is a "theater". In such families, stability is maintained through a specific “theatrical” lifestyle. Relationships in such a family are always based on play and effect. As a rule, one of the spouses in such families has a strong need for recognition, constant attention, encouragement, and also acutely feels the lack of love. Demonstrated to outsiders love and care for the child does not save the child himself from the feeling that the parents are not up to him, that the fulfillment by the father and mother of their parental responsibilities is a formal necessity imposed by social norms.
In the “theatrical” lifestyle of the family, a special attitude towards the child often arises, associated with the desire to hide his shortcomings and imperfections. All this leads to a weakening of self-control, a loss of internal discipline. Lack of true closeness with parents forms a selfish orientation.
The family is "the third extra". It arises in cases where the personal characteristics of the spouses are of particular importance to them, and parenting is unconsciously perceived as an obstacle to marital happiness. This is how a style of relationship with a child arises as a type of latent rejection. Raising children in such situations leads to the formation of self-doubt, lack of initiative, fixation on weaknesses, children are characterized by painful experiences of their own inferiority with increased dependence and subordination to their parents. There are frequent cases of rivalry between a still young mother and a growing daughter, an unconscious struggle for the love and affection of the father. In such families, children often have fears for the life and health of their parents, they can hardly endure even temporary separation from them, they do not adapt well in children's groups.
"Family with an idol"... It arises when caring for a child turns into the only force that can keep parents together. The child turns out to be the center of the family, becomes the object of increased attention and guardianship, and overestimated expectations of the parents. The desire to protect the child from life's difficulties leads to a limitation of independence, which is largely facilitated by an unconscious tendency to slow down the child's maturation, since a decrease in guardianship threatens to disrupt the family group. With such upbringing, children become dependent. Along with this, the need for positive assessments increases, children lack love. The demand for recognition at any cost breeds demonstrative behavior. Critical awareness of one's own personal qualities is replaced by negative assessments of others, feelings of injustice and cruelty of others.
Family - "masquerade"... It is generated by the inconsistency of the life goals and plans of the spouses. The upbringing of a child acquires the features of inconsistency, and the world appears before the child in different, sometimes with conflicting sides. Flickering "masks" increases the feeling of anxiety. Inconsistency in the actions of parents, for example, increased exactingness with overprotection and forgiveness of the mother, causes confusion in the child and splits in his self-esteem.
Dysfunctional erroneous types of upbringing that deform the child's character should also be highlighted.
Families with permissive parenting styles when parents do not attach importance to the misconduct of their children, they do not see anything terrible in them, they believe that all children are like that.
Families with a parenting all-round defense position build their relationships with others on the principle “our child is always right”. Parents are aggressive towards anyone who points out the wrong behavior of their children. Even the commission of a serious crime by a child does not sober up the parents. They continue to look for the culprit on the side. Children from such families suffer from severe defects of moral consciousness, they are deceitful and cruel, and it is difficult to re-educate.
Families with a demonstrative parenting style when parents, most often a mother, do not hesitate to complain to each and every one about their child, tell about his misdeeds at every corner, clearly exaggerating the degree of their danger, declaring out loud that he is “growing up as a bandit,” etc. The child loses his bashfulness , a feeling of remorse for their actions, removes internal control over their behavior, becomes embittered against adults and parents.
Families with a pedantic, suspicious parenting style, in which parents do not believe, do not trust their children, subject them to abusive total control, try to completely isolate them from their peers, friends, strive to absolutely control the child's free time, the range of his interests, activities, communication.
Families with a rigidly authoritarian parenting style in which the parents abuse physical punishment. Children in such families grow up aggressive, cruel, striving to offend the weak, defenseless. Serious measures must be taken against such families, ranging from persuasion to administrative and criminal punishment of the parents.
Families with an exhortative parenting style where, in contrast to the rigidly authoritarian style, parents show complete helplessness towards their children, prefer to exhort, persuade endlessly, explain without using any volitional influences and punishments. Children in such families, as they say, "sit on their heads."
Families with a detached, indifferent parenting style, where parents are preoccupied with the arrangement of their personal lives. Having married a second time, the mother finds neither time nor mental strength for her children from her first marriage, she is indifferent both to the children themselves and to their actions. Children are left to their own devices, they feel superfluous, tend to be less at home, with pain they perceive the indifferently detached attitude of the mother.
Families with inconsistent parenting styles when the parents, especially the mother, do not have enough self-control and self-control to implement consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional changes in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touching and affectionate manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental authority. The child becomes unpredictable, uncontrollable, neglects the opinion of his elders, parents.
Upbringing like "Cinderella" when parents are overly picky, hostile or indifferent to their child, making excessive demands on him, not giving him affection and warmth. Children grow up indecisive, fearful, unable to stand up for themselves. Instead of being active about life, some of them go into a fantasy world.
Upbringing as an "idol" of the family... In such cases, all the requirements and the slightest whims of the child are fulfilled. Children grow up capricious, stubborn.
Hyper-care- a special type of upbringing, in which a child is deprived of independence, suppressing his initiative, and not allowing his opportunities to unfold. Many of these children grow up to be indecisive and weak-willed.
Upbringing as a "hypo-care" when a child is left to himself, is not controlled by anyone, no one forms in him the skills of social life, does not teach him the understanding of "what is good and what is bad."
The disharmony of parent-child relationships can be expressed not only by deformations of parental positions. Often, role attitudes are attributed to children in problem families and assigned to them for many years.
Let's list the most typical roles:
"Scapegoat"- arises in a family when the parents' marital problems, mutual dissatisfaction with each other pass on to the child, he sort of takes on the negative emotions of the parents, which they actually feel towards each other.
"Favorite"- occurs when parents do not feel any feelings for each other, and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated care for the child, exaggerated love for him.
"Baby"- is distant from the parents, as it were, ousted from the family community, he is once and for all ordered to be in the family only a child, on whom nothing depends
"Mediator"- early involved in the complexities of family life, the child occupies the most important place in the family, regulating and eliminating marital conflicts.
In the description of these roles, it is clear that the child acts more as a means used by parents to solve relationship problems.
Each family, which is in the field of view of specialists in the psychological sphere, has its origins and its own socio-psychological characteristics. In the process of life, a family union can change its place in the typology of families, and, consequently, the parameters that are important for the primary attention of a psychologist and psychotherapist also change.
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Introduction
2. Study of the peculiarities of the influence of violations of parent-child relationships on the behavior of adolescents
2.2 Research results
2.3 Mathematical processing of research results
Conclusion
Bibliography
Applications
Introduction
The modern teenager lives in a world that is complex in its content and tendencies of socialization. The tense, unstable social, economic, ecological, ideological situation that has developed in our society at the present time determines the growth of various deviations in the personal development and behavior of growing people. Among them, not only the progressive alienation, increased anxiety, spiritual emptiness of children, but also their cynicism, cruelty, and aggressiveness are of particular concern. This process is most acutely manifested at the turn of the child's transition from childhood to adulthood - in adolescence.
Young people are rapidly developing a sense of protest, often unconscious, and at the same time their individualization is growing.
More and more adolescents are involved in such forms of behavior as hooliganism, theft, theft, beatings, car theft, vagrancy, drug addiction, sexual deviations, etc., which is a high degree of risk, both for the adolescent himself and for society as a whole. The intensive growth of the deviant consciousness and behavior of adolescents is rightly attributed to one of the most dangerous social diseases of modern Russian society. As a rule, at this age, adolescents have problems with adults, in particular with their parents.
"Problematic", "difficult", "naughty children, as well as children with" complexes "," downtrodden "," unhappy "- are always the result of improper family relationships. In recent decades, psychology has made a number of important discoveries. One of them is about the influence of the style of communication between an adult and a child on the development of a child's personality. As the world practice of psychological assistance to children and their parents shows, even very difficult problems with children are quite solvable if it is possible to create a favorable climate of communication in the family.
Thus, the problem of the influence of the relationship between a teenager and his parents on the occurrence of behavioral deviations in him is urgent.
2) violations of child-parental relations in families are expressed.
1. Theoretical approaches to the problem of violation of child - parent relationships as the cause of deviant behavior in adolescents
1.1 Psychological characteristics of adolescence
Modern science determines adolescence depending on the country (region of residence) and cultural and national characteristics, as well as gender (from 12-14 to 15-17 years).
The most important fact of physical development in adolescence is puberty, the beginning of the functioning of the gonads. Puberty provokes an intensive growth of the skeleton, reaching 4-7 cm per year, which outstrips the development of muscles. All this leads to some disproportionate body, adolescent angularity. Children often feel awkward and awkward at this time. Secondary sexual characteristics appear - external signs of puberty, and this happens at different times in different children. In connection with the rapid development, difficulties arise in the functioning of the heart, lungs, blood supply to the brain. Therefore, adolescents are characterized by changes in vascular and muscle tone. And such changes cause a quick change in physical condition and, accordingly, mood.
In adolescence, the emotional background becomes uneven, unstable. To this it should be added that the child is forced to constantly adapt to the physical and physiological changes taking place in his body, to experience the very "hormonal storm". Emotional instability is enhanced by sexual arousal that accompanies the process of sexual maturation. Most boys are becoming increasingly aware of the origins of this excitement. Girls have more individual differences: some of them experience the same strong sexual arousal, but most of them are more vague, related to the satisfaction of other needs (affection, love, support, self-esteem). During this period, gender identity reaches a higher level. An orientation towards masculinity and femininity in behavior and personal manifestations is clearly manifested. But the child can still combine both traditional feminine and traditionally masculine qualities.
At this time, a person's interest in his appearance sharply increases. A new image of the physical “I” is being formed. Because of its high importance, the child is acutely experienced with all the flaws in appearance, real as well as imaginary (associated with fashion for a too thin body, freckles, too large or small breasts in girls, lack of athletic physique in boys). Disproportionate body parts, awkward movements, irregular facial features, acne on the skin, being overweight or thin are all very frustrating. And sometimes it leads to a feeling of inferiority, isolation, even neurosis. Cases of anorexia nervosa in girls are typical; boys may become withdrawn, shy, withdrawn.
As a rule, at this age, adolescents have problems with adults, in particular with their parents. Parents continue to look at their child as a little one, and he is trying to break out of this care. Therefore, relationships are usually characterized by increased conflict, increased criticality in relation to the opinions of adults, but at the same time the opinion of peers becomes more significant. The nature of relations with elders is changing: from a position of subordination, a teenager tries to move to a position of equality.
The gap of misunderstanding between parents and children is getting wider and wider every day. Children who have not received attention, affection, education in their family strive to communicate with their peers, in courtyard companies, which do not always prefer to devote their free time to some useful activity. As a result, children left to themselves abandon their studies, devote their free time to the street, aimless pastime.
At the same time, the nature of relationships with peers also changes, there is a need for communication with the aim of self-affirmation, which in unfavorable conditions can lead to various forms of deviant behavior. A teenager develops a sense of adulthood, which manifests itself through the desire for independence and independence, protest against the desire of adults to "teach" him.
Appearance for a teenager is very important. An unusual hairstyle, an earring, or two or three in the ears, ripped jeans, bright makeup and other attributes give a teenager the opportunity to separate himself from others, to establish himself in a group of children.
Adolescence is one of the most difficult periods of human development. Despite its relative short duration, it practically largely determines the entire further life of an individual. It is also called transitional age, because during this period there is a kind of transition from childhood to adulthood, from immaturity to maturity, which permeates all aspects of the development of a teenager: anatomical and physiological structure, intellectual, moral development, as well as various types of his activities.
In adolescence, the living conditions and activities of a teenager change significantly, which in turn leads to a restructuring of the psyche, the emergence of new forms of interaction between peers. The teenager's social status, position, position in the team changes, he begins to be presented with more serious demands from adults.
Many adolescents have a clear dissonance between physical and social development. Some aspects of mental development “do not keep pace” with accelerated physical development, children's interests and instability of expression of emotions, suggestibility, susceptibility to other people's influence, undeveloped sense of responsibility and duty, whimsically intertwined with the external apparent “adulthood” may persist.
For a full-fledged existence, a teenager needs constant resistance (environmental factors, internal conditions) to his aspirations to satisfy his own needs, since such resistance provides the phenomenon of actual well-being and creates opportunities for development. On the other hand, overcoming resistance to the satisfaction of a particular need always causes tension, which, in the absence of an appropriate emotional-volitional resource, leads to destructive effects: conflicts, stress, aggression, deviations.
The development of the personality in adolescence and its future prospects depend on how the teenager responds to the demands placed on him, what methods and styles of behavior are manifested and consolidated in him.
The psychological literature describes quite fully the crisis of adolescence; it is this age that psychologists consider the most problematic. At this age, children are less predictable, they are more likely to commit acts that go beyond the framework of social norms. Thus, it is possible to identify the characteristic features of adolescence: emotional immaturity, insufficiently developed ability to control their own behavior, measure desires and opportunities in meeting their needs, increased suggestibility, desire to assert themselves and become an adult.
The main psychological neoplasm in adolescence is the development of a special sense of adulthood in a teenager, as an individual experience of treating oneself as an adult. Physical maturity gives the adolescent a sense of maturity, but his social status in school and family does not change. And then a struggle arises for the recognition of personal rights, independence, which necessarily leads to a conflict between adults and adolescents.
The psychological characteristics of adolescence, when they are sharply expressed, are called the "adolescent complex". According to A.E. Lichko, the essence of the adolescent complex is made up of certain adolescent reactions characteristic of this age to the impact of the surrounding social environment. These include reactions of infatuation, emancipation, grouping with peers, and sexual attraction.
Emancipation reaction. This reaction is manifested by the desire to free oneself from the care, leadership, control, patronage of elders - relatives, teachers, educators, mentors, representatives of the older generation in general. This is a struggle for their independence, independence, self-affirmation. Briefly, this phenomenon can be characterized as a powerful desire for autonomy, distance from family and adults, getting rid of guardianship. This freedom, or the illusion of freedom, is given by the street. The reaction can extend to the orders, rules, laws established by the older generation, to everything that is accepted by them, that is respected and appreciated, i.e. to all "standards" and "values".
Infatuation reaction. Most teenagers have a variety of hobbies and hobbies. They can be stable, for example, playing sports, but they may not be persistent when the teenager is fond of one or the other. For some, hobbies are associated with the desire to be in the spotlight. Some choose sophisticated, quirky hobbies to differentiate themselves from their peers. In most cases, there is no pathology in this, over time these hobbies pass or persist, but they do not have a negative impact on the behavior of a teenager. Pathology is excessively expressed hobbies, when because of them a teenager abandons school and gives them all the time. It happens that for the sake of realizing a hobby, a teenager commits illegal actions, for example, petty theft, speculation, or can get along with asocial personalities.
Peer grouping reaction. This reaction is manifested in the desire of adolescents to form more or less persistent spontaneous groups, in which certain informal relationships are established, there are leaders and performers, a more or less natural distribution of roles occurs, which is most often based on the individual personality traits of adolescents.
Adolescent reactions can be both normal behaviors and pathological disorders. Behavioral reactions become pathological if they spread beyond the situation and microgroup where they arose, if they impede or disrupt social adaptation.
Thus, adolescence is one of the most difficult childhood ages. The main psychological neoplasm in adolescence is the development of a special sense of adulthood in a teenager, as an individual experience of treating oneself as an adult. The further development of the personality depends on how the teenager responds to the requirements presented to him by society, what methods and styles of behavior are manifested and consolidated in him.
1.2 The concept and reasons for deviant behavior in adolescents
adolescent deviant behavior parenting
In any society, there are always social norms, that is, the rules by which this society lives. The behavior of some children and adolescents attracts attention as a violation of norms, differs from the behavior of those who fit into the normative requirements of the family, school and society. Behavior characterized by a deviation from accepted moral, and in some cases, legal norms is called deviant. Deviant forms of behavior in adolescents have shown a rapid increase in recent decades, manifested in antisocial, conflict and aggressive actions, destructive actions such as: fights, theft, alcoholism, drug addiction, foul language, hooliganism, violation of public order, lack of interest in learning.
Deviant behavior is understood as a violation of social norms.
The norm can be presented as an ideal, a pattern of action, a measure of evaluating something. Yu.A. Clayberg defines social norms as "a set of requirements and expectations that a social community makes to its members in order to regulate activities and relationships."
E.V. Zmanovskaya defines deviant behavior as "stable personality behavior that deviates from the most important social norms, causing real damage to society or the personality itself, as well as accompanied by its social maladjustment." This definition is derived by her on the basis of eight specific features of deviant behavior. Among these features E.V. Zmanovskaya attributes:
1. deviant personality behavior is behavior that does not correspond to generally accepted or officially established social norms;
2. deviant behavior and the personality that manifests it, cause a negative assessment from other people;
3. it causes real damage to the person himself or to people around him;
4. the behavior under study can be characterized as persistently repetitive (repeated or prolonged);
5. it must be consistent with the general orientation of the individual;
6. it is investigated within the limits of the medical norm;
7. deviant behavior is accompanied by various manifestations of social maladjustment;
8. pronounced gender and age and individual originality of deviant behavior.
Deviant behavior, as defined by Ya.I. Gilinsky, - "this is a social phenomenon, expressed in relatively massive, statistically stable forms (types) of human activity that do not correspond to the officially established or actually established in a given society, norms and expectations."
S.A. Belicheva notes that deviant behavior is the result of unfavorable social development, socialization disorders that occur at different age stages.
The analysis of psychological and pedagogical literature has shown that at present there are many approaches to the definition of the concept of "deviant behavior".
The sociological approach defines deviation as a deviation from generally accepted, average stereotypes of behavior and identifies two types of deviant behavior of a constructive and destructive orientation. Deviant behavior of a destructive orientation is the performance by a person or a group of people of social actions that deviate from the dominant socio-cultural expectations and norms, generally accepted rules. As a result, this approach identifies destructive (asocial) deviation only with crime - behavior that is criminally punishable by law, and is only one of the forms of this type of deviant behavior.
The psychological approach considers deviation as a deviation from the natural behavior for a particular individual. Therefore, some scientists consider the behavior of fixation on one thing as deviant, although it may not be antisocial in nature. The socio-psychological approach explains the reasons influencing the emergence of deviant behavior: deviant behavior is the result of a complex interaction of processes occurring in society and human consciousness.
In our study, deviant behavior is understood as "stable personality behavior deviating from the most important social norms, causing real damage to society or the personality itself, as well as social maladjustment accompanying the personality."
According to R.V. Ovcharova, deviations in the behavior of adolescents can be due to the following groups of reasons:
a) socio-pedagogical neglect, when a teenager behaves incorrectly due to his bad manners, lack of the necessary positive knowledge, skills, skills or due to corruption by improper upbringing, the formation of negative stereotypes of behavior in him;
b) deep mental discomfort caused by the dysfunction of family relationships, negative psychological microclimate in the family, systematic educational failures, poor relationships with peers, wrong (unfair, rude, cruel) attitude towards him on the part of parents, teachers, comrades, etc. ;
c) deviations in the state of mental and physical health and development, age crises, character accentuations and other reasons of physiological and neuropsychiatric properties;
d) lack of conditions for self-expression, reasonable manifestation of external and internal activity; unemployment in useful activities, lack of positive and significant social and personal life goals and plans;
e) neglect, negative influence of the environment and developing on this basis socio-psychological maladjustment, shift of social and personal values to negative ones.
To external factors that negatively affect the development and behavior of adolescents, R.V. Ovcharova attributes:
1) processes occurring in society (unemployment; lack of social guarantees and state support for economically bankrupt families with children; destruction and crisis of the traditional institutions of socialization of the younger generation; propaganda of violence and cruelty through the media; lack of timely and qualified medical examination of children, allowing to identify physical and mental health disorders of adolescents, provide them with appropriate assistance; availability of tobacco, alcohol, drugs).
2) the state of the family, its atmosphere (single-parent family, financial situation of the family; low socio-cultural level of parents; style of upbringing in the family (lack of uniform requirements for the child, parental cruelty, their impunity and lack of rights of the child), alcohol and drug abuse by the parents).
3) Imperfect organization of intraschool life (poor material security of the school; lack of an established, systematic connection between the school and the family of students and the lack of leverage on parents who are not involved in raising a child through the public; lack of subject teachers; frequent cancellation of lessons; unsatisfactory organization of extracurricular activities; lack of children's organizations at school, the introduction of new imperfect curricula, a reassessment of values and, as a result, a lack of understanding "what and how to teach?"; Low level of development and educational motivation of children entering school.
L. M. Shipitsina divides the reasons for deviant behavior into two groups:
1. Causes associated with mental and psychophysiological disorders (alcoholism, neurotic disorders, residual effects of craniocerebral trauma and organic brain diseases, intellectual disability);
2. Reasons associated with social and psychological problems (defects in legal and moral consciousness, character traits, especially emotional-volitional sphere).
In relation to adolescents and youth, the author singles out the reasons associated with age crises into a separate group: Shipitsina L.M. The psychology of child theft. - M., 2007 .-- P. 16.
In the paradigm of depth psychology, personality development, as well as deviations in the development process that entail, including behavioral disorders in adolescence, are considered mainly through the prism of parent-child relations. Factors of the emotional relationship between parents and the growing child play the main role in the formation of a child's personality, his attitudes, and behavioral patterns. Thus, representatives of depth psychology (Erickson, Adler), who assign the main role in the development of a child to the social aspect, nevertheless, spoke of a huge influence on the formation of deviant behavior of children and adolescents of family and family relations.
According to Erickson, if a child in the early stages of his development does not receive the necessary maternal care, if his desire for independence and initiative is suppressed, there is no encouragement from the parents - this can lead to a confusion of roles in adolescence and, accordingly, a violation of behavior. Adler believed that in addition to organic inferiority, the emergence of an inferiority complex also determines the child's spoiled or rejected by the parents. This leads to the emergence of a desire for personal superiority, the development of social interest is disrupted, and the child's behavior may become inadequate to social foundations and norms. Factors such as the conflict between unconscious drives and limitations on the part of the ego and superego, inadequately formed defense mechanisms, the discrepancy between the desire for pleasure and taking into account reality, considered by psychoanalytic theories as the causes of behavioral deviations, also directly depend on the position of the parents, the style of their relationship. ...
The theory of object relations examines in more detail the aspect of the influence of child-parent interaction on the further life of the child. The main reason for the formation of deviant behavior, according to this theory, is a lack of emotional contact with the mother, excessive frustration of the baby's needs, lack of holding, primary support for the mother, her anxiety, and inadequacy. The presence of such deviations is due to the psychological characteristics of the mother, her unconscious content, attitudes [4, p.29].
Thus, a person rejected by society resorts to deviant behavior; weak ties "family-child", "school-child" contribute to the orientation of young people towards groups of peers, which are predominantly a source of deviant norms.
The reasons for deviant behavior are varied and include both external and intrapersonal factors. The influence of society on the formation of a child's personality and models of his behavior is undeniable, but it is mediated by the parental position, the style of upbringing. Cultural and historical experience and social norms and foundations are presented to the child through the prism of relations with parents, parental attitudes, which are also influenced by conflicts experienced by parents, unconscious processes, the sphere of their conjugal interaction. Parents play a major role in the emergence and formation of deviant behavior in adolescents. In addition to the conscious, purposeful upbringing that parents provide to the child, the whole family atmosphere affects him, and the effect of this influence far exceeds everything else.
1.3 Problems of parent-child relationships and adolescent well-being in the family
A child in his development goes through certain stages, but his parents and family pass one natural stage after another, and each stage has its own specific tasks, characteristics and difficulties. Under these conditions, the dynamics of growth and relationships is largely determined by factors such as family values and parenting styles.
Children in the family are an addition, enrichment of the life of two people who have tied the knot. The child needs both parents - a loving father and mother. The relationship between husband and wife has a tremendous impact on the development of a teenager's personality. Conflicting, tense environment makes a teenager nervous, disobedient, aggressive. Friction between spouses tends to be traumatic for a teenager. Just as the personality of each person is unique, the relationship between spouses is individual, the relationship of parents to their child is also complex, and the styles of family education are ambiguous. The style of family education is understood as the totality of parental stereotypes affecting a child.
Observing the upbringing of children in different families allowed psychologists to compose a description of the different types of upbringing.
A. Baldwin identified two styles of parenting: democratic and controlling.
The democratic style is characterized by the following parameters: a high degree of verbal communication between parents and children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the success of the child when the parents are always ready to help, the desire to reduce subjectivity in the child's vision.
A controlling style presupposes significant restrictions on the child's behavior in the absence of disagreements between parents and children about disciplinary measures, a clear understanding by the child of the meaning of restrictions. The requirements of the parents can be quite strict, but they are presented to the child constantly and consistently and are recognized by the child as fair and justified.
D. Bowmrid identified a set of childhood traits associated with factors of parental control and emotional support.
On the basis of his observations, Bowmrid identifies 3 types of children, the nature of which corresponds to certain methods of educational activities of their parents.
Authoritative parents are proactive, sociable, kind children. Authoritative are those parents who love and understand children, preferring not to punish, but to explain what is good and what is bad, without fear of praising them once again. They demand meaningful behavior from children and try to help them by being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, such parents usually show firmness, faced with children's whims, and even more so with unmotivated outbursts of anger.
The children of such parents are usually inquisitive, try to justify, and not impose their point of view, they take their responsibilities responsibly. It is easier for them to assimilate socially acceptable and encouraged forms of behavior. They are more energetic and self-confident, they have better self-esteem and self-control, and it is easier for them to establish good relationships with their peers.
Authoritarian parents are irritable, conflict-prone children. Authoritarian parents believe that a child should not be given too much freedom and rights, that he should obey their will and authority in everything. It is no coincidence that these parents in their educational practice, trying to develop discipline in the child, as a rule, do not leave him the opportunity to choose options for behavior, limit his independence, deprive him of the right to object to elders, even if the child is right. Authoritarian parents often do not consider it necessary to substantiate their claims in any way. Strict control over the behavior of the child is the basis of their upbringing, which does not go beyond severe prohibitions, reprimands and often physical punishment. The most common method of disciplinary action is intimidation and threats.
Such parents exclude emotional closeness with children, they are stingy with praise, therefore, a feeling of affection rarely arises between them and the children.
However, tight control rarely gives a positive result. With such upbringing, children only develop a mechanism of external control, develop a sense of guilt or fear of punishment and, as a rule, have too little self-control, if any. Children of authoritarian parents find it difficult to connect with peers due to their constant vigilance and even hostility towards others. They are suspicious, sullen, anxious and therefore unhappy.
Indulgent parents are impulsive, aggressive children. As a rule, condescending parents are not inclined to control their children, allowing them to do as they please, without requiring them to be responsible and self-controlled. These parents allow their children to do whatever they want, to the point of not paying attention to the outbursts of anger and aggressive behavior that get in trouble. In children, however, most often there are disagreements with discipline, often their behavior becomes simply uncontrollable. Indulgent parents in such cases usually become desperate and react very sharply - rudely and sharply ridicule the child, and in outbursts of anger they can use physical punishment. They deprive children of parental love, attention, and empathy.
1. Parental control: at a high level, parents prefer to have a great influence on children, are able to insist on fulfilling their requirements, are consistent in them. Controlling actions are aimed at modifying the manifestations of dependence in children, aggressiveness, the development of play behavior, as well as at a more perfect assimilation of parental standards and norms.
2. Parental requirements that encourage the development of maturity in children; parents try to ensure that children develop their abilities in the intellectual, emotional spheres, interpersonal communication, insist on the need and right of children to independence.
3. Ways of communicating with children in the course of educational influences: parents strive to use persuasion in order to achieve obedience, substantiate their point of view and at the same time are ready to discuss it with children, listen to their argumentation. Parents with low levels are more likely to resort to screaming, complaining, and swearing.
4. Emotional support: Parents are able to express compassion, love and warmth, but actions and emotional attitudes are aimed at promoting the physical and spiritual growth of children, they feel satisfaction and pride in the success of their children.
The complex of traits of competent children corresponds to the presence of all four dimensions in the parental attitude - control, demands for social maturity, communication and emotional support, i.e. the optimal condition for upbringing is a combination of high exactingness and control with democracy and acceptance.
Thus, it should be noted that the most common mechanism for the formation of characterological traits of a child responsible for self-control and social competence is the internalization of the means and skills of control used by parents.
Of considerable interest are works in which upbringing and parent-child relations are in one way or another connected with the analysis of the family structure. According to E. Harutyunyants, there are 3 variants of the family: traditional (patriarchal), child-centered and marital (democratic).
The traditional family fosters respect for the authority of elders; pedagogical influence is carried out from top to bottom. The main requirement is submission. The result of a child's socialization in such a family is the ability to easily fit into a "vertically organized" social structure. Children from these families easily learn traditional norms, but have difficulties in forming their own families. They are not proactive, not flexible in communication, they act on the basis of the idea of what should be.
In a child-centered family, the main task of parents is to ensure the "happiness of the child." The family exists only for the child. The impact is carried out, as a rule, from the bottom up (from the child to the parents). There is a "symbiosis" between a child and an adult. As a result, the child develops a high self-esteem of his own significance, but the likelihood of conflict with the social environment outside the family increases. Therefore, a child from such a family may assess the world as hostile.
The spousal (democratic) family is highly appreciated. The goal in this family is mutual trust, acceptance, autonomy of members. The educational influence is “horizontal”, a dialogue of equals: parents and a child. In family life, mutual interests are always taken into account, and the older the child, the more his interests are taken into account. The result of such upbringing is the child's assimilation of democratic values, the harmonization of his ideas about rights and duties, freedom and responsibility, the development of activity, independence, benevolence, adaptability, self-confidence and emotional stability. At the same time, these children may lack the skill of obeying social requirements. They do not adapt well in an environment built according to the “vertical” principle (that is, to practically all social institutions).
E. Harutyunyants analyzes the consequences of upbringing in a child-centered family and the reasons for the massive spread of this type of family in modern society. She considers the infantilism of young people to be a direct consequence of upbringing in a child-centered family. The reasons for the emergence of childcentrism, in her opinion, are as follows:
Increase in life expectancy, coexistence of the child and parental generations (1.5 times longer than in the 19th century);
Nuclearization of the family, a decrease in the number of children in a family, a decrease in intergenital intervals. Practical connections in joint work are replaced by emotional ones, and relationships are infantilized;
Lack of clear norms for the authorization of parent-child relations, which led to a loss of distance between parents and children;
Changes in the education system: children up to 17-22 years old need help from their parents.
The parenting methods of mothers and fathers are often contradictory and inconsistent. All this leads to the fact that children do not have a desire to learn socially acceptable forms of behavior, self-control and a sense of responsibility are not formed. They do their best to avoid something new, unexpected, unknown - out of fear that when faced with this new they will not be able to choose the correct form of behavior. Since they have not developed a sense of independence and responsibility, children are impulsive and aggressive in difficult situations. They are distinguished by immaturity of judgment, constant dissatisfaction, a low level of self-control, and low self-esteem. They find it difficult to cope with their impulsiveness and arrogance, so they usually have few or no friends.
Of the classifications that compare the features of the formation of the personality of children and the styles of family education, the most interesting, detailed is the classification proposed by E.G. Eidemiller, V.V. Yustitsky The authors identified the following deviations in the styles of family education:
Hypoprotection. Characterized by a lack of guardianship and control. The child is left unattended. Little attention is paid to a teenager, there is no interest in his affairs, physical abandonment and neglect are frequent. With latent hypoprotection, control and care are formal, parents are not included in the child's life. The child's non-inclusion in the life of the family leads to antisocial behavior due to the dissatisfaction of the need for love and affection.
Dominant hyperprotection. It manifests itself in increased, heightened attention and care, excessive care and petty control of behavior, surveillance, prohibitions and restrictions. The child is not taught to be independent and responsible. This leads either to a reaction of emancipation, or to lack of initiative, inability to stand up for oneself.
Conniving hyperprotection. This is how the upbringing of the “idol of the family” is called. Parents strive to free the child from the slightest difficulty, indulge his desires, adore and patronize excessively, admire his minimal success, and demand the same admiration from others. The result of such upbringing is manifested in a high level of aspirations, striving for leadership with insufficient perseverance and self-reliance.
Emotional rejection. The child is weighed down. His needs are ignored. Sometimes he is mistreated. Parents (or their “substitutes” - stepmother, stepfather, etc.) consider the child a burden and show general dissatisfaction with the child. Latent emotional rejection is often encountered: parents seek to disguise their real attitude towards the child with increased care and attention to him. This parenting style has the most negative impact on a child's development.
Abusive relationships. They can appear openly when the child is ripped off the evil, using violence, or be hidden, when there is a "wall" of emotional coldness and hostility between the parent and the child.
Increased moral responsibility. A child is required to be honest, decency, and a sense of duty that does not correspond to his age. Ignoring the interests and capabilities of the teenager, they make him responsible for the well-being of those close to him. He is forcibly credited with the role of "head of the family." Parents hope for a special future for their child, and the child is afraid to disappoint them. Often he is entrusted with caring for younger children or the elderly.
In addition, the following deviations in the style of parenting are also distinguished: preference for female qualities, preference for male qualities, preference for children's qualities, expansion of the sphere of parental feelings, fear of losing a child, underdevelopment of parental feelings, projection of one's own undesirable qualities, introduction of conflict between spouses into the sphere of upbringing.
One of the directions in describing the typology of family education is the study of educational parental attitudes and attitudes. In the most general form, the optimal and non-optimal parental positions were formulated. The optimal parental position meets the requirements of adequacy, flexibility and predictability (A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya).
The adequacy of the parental position can be defined as the ability of parents to see and understand the individuality of their child, to notice the changes taking place in his mental world.
The flexibility of the parental position is considered as the ability to restructure the impact on the child in the course of his growing up and in connection with various changes in the living conditions of the family. A flexible parenting position should not only be changeable in accordance with changes in the child, it should be anticipatory, predictive.
The predictability of the parental position means that it is not the child who should lead the parents, but, on the contrary, the behavior of the parents should outpace the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of the children.
In disharmonious families, where the upbringing of a child has acquired a problematic character, a change in parental positions is quite clearly revealed in one or all three selected indicators. Parental positions are inadequate, lose the quality of flexibility, become unchanging and unpredictable.
There is an attempt to describe parenting in a family through the roles that the child plays. A role is defined as a certain set of patterns of behavior in relation to a child in a family, as a combination of feelings, expectations, actions, assessments addressed to the child by adult family members. Childhood roles are clearly identified in families when parental positions lose flexibility and adequacy.
The most typical roles include four roles: "scapegoat", "favorite", "conciliator", "baby".
"Scapegoat". This childish role arises in the family when the parents' marital problems are passed on to the child. He kind of takes on the emotions of the parents, which they actually feel for each other.
"Favorite". It occurs when parents do not feel any feelings for each other, and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated care for the child, exaggerated love for him.
Baby. In this role, the child is distant from his parents, he is, as it were, pushed out of the family community, he is once and for all ordered to be in the family only a child, on whom nothing depends. This role arises when the spouses are very close to each other.
"Mediator". A child in such a role is early involved in the complexities of family life, occupies the most important place in the family, regulating and eliminating marital conflicts.
The above descriptions well illustrate the fact that children are influenced not only by deliberate influences, but equally or even more by all the features of parental behavior.
The parental position is a kind of holistic education, it is the real orientation of the educational activity of parents, arising under the influence of the motives of education. What kind of parental position is realized in interaction with the child depends, first of all, on the relationship between conscious and unconscious motivational tendencies.
Summarizing the determinants of parenting in various concepts, B.Yu. Shapiro highlighted the following:
Features of the parent's personality (concept by A. Adler, J. Bowlby);
Personal and clinical and psychological characteristics (works by MI Lisina, N. Newson);
Ethological factors (S. Leibovichi);
Sociocultural determinants (H. Harlow, M. Laos);
Features of intra-family relations (A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A.Ya. Varga, E.G. Eidemiller).
Thus, the well-being of a teenager in the family, the creation of conditions for the upbringing of a healthy personality, is one of the most important functions of the family. To do this, consider the following: a teenager is not just a product of upbringing. He himself comprehends the family and himself in it, determines his behavior, attitude towards the family and towards himself; adolescents, due to their limited experience, peculiar thinking, perceive and evaluate what is happening around them differently. You can understand their behavior, emotions, experiences and help them only by looking at the world through their eyes; children are influenced not only by deliberate influences, but equally or even more by all the characteristics of parental behavior.
Conclusions for chapter 1
1. Adolescence is one of the most difficult childhood ages. The main psychological neoplasm in adolescence is the development of a special sense of adulthood in a teenager, as an individual experience of treating oneself as an adult. The further development of the personality depends on how the teenager responds to the requirements presented to him by society, what methods and styles of behavior are manifested and consolidated in him.
2. A person rejected by society resorts to deviant behavior; weak ties "family-child", "school-child" contribute to the orientation of young people towards groups of peers, which are predominantly a source of deviant norms.
The reasons for deviant behavior are varied and include both external and intrapersonal factors. The influence of society on the formation of a child's personality and models of his behavior is undeniable, but it is mediated by the parental position, the style of upbringing. Cultural and historical experience and social norms and foundations are presented to the child through the prism of relations with parents, parental attitudes, which are also influenced by conflicts experienced by parents, unconscious processes, the sphere of their conjugal interaction. Parents play a major role in the emergence and formation of deviant behavior in adolescents. In addition to the conscious, purposeful upbringing that parents provide to the child, the whole family atmosphere affects him, and the effect of this influence far exceeds everything else.
3. The well-being of a teenager in the family, the creation of conditions for the upbringing of a healthy personality, is one of the most important functions of the family. To do this, consider the following: a teenager is not just a product of upbringing. He himself comprehends the family and himself in it, determines his behavior, attitude towards the family and towards himself; adolescents, due to their limited experience, peculiar thinking, perceive and evaluate what is happening around them differently. You can understand their behavior, emotions, experiences and help them only by looking at the world through their eyes; children are influenced not only by deliberate influences, but equally or even more by all the characteristics of parental behavior.
2. Study of the peculiarities of the influence of violations of child - parent relationships on the behavior of adolescents
2.1 Research program and characteristics of methods
Purpose of the study: to consider the features of the influence of violations of child - parent relationships on the behavior of adolescents.
Object: violations of child - parental relationships as a cause of deviant behavior in adolescents.
Subject: features of the influence of violations of child - parental relationships on the behavior of adolescents.
1. Consider the psychological characteristics of adolescence.
2. To identify the reasons for the deviant behavior of adolescents.
3. Consider the problems of parent-child relationships and the well-being of the adolescent in the family.
4. Conduct a study of the peculiarities of the influence of violations of parent-child relationships on the behavior of adolescents.
Hypothesis: in adolescents who violate the norms of behavior:
1) there is a tendency to implement various forms of deviant behavior;
2) violations of child-parental relations in families are expressed.
Methodology for diagnosing a tendency to deviant behavior (SOP), author N.A. Eagle;
Test - a questionnaire of parental attitudes (A. Ya. Varga, V. V. Stolin).
Sample characteristics: the study involved 24 adolescents (girls and boys aged 15-16) attending the “Youth Friendly Clinic”. Of these, 12 adolescents are characterized by teachers, social educators, and a psychologist at the Clinic as adolescents with deviant behavior, and 12 as adolescents with normal behavior; parents of teenagers - 48 people.
Research methods
1. Diagnosis of a tendency to deviant behavior according to the SOP method, author N.А. Eagle
At the first stage of the study, we set the goal of identifying in adolescents a tendency to implement deviant behavior.
The proposed method for diagnosing a tendency to deviant behavior (SOP) is a standardized test questionnaire designed to measure the readiness (propensity) of adolescents to implement various forms of deviant behavior. The questionnaire is a set of specialized psychodiagnostic scales aimed at measuring the readiness (inclination) to implement certain forms of deviant behavior.
The SOP questionnaire was compiled specifically for the adolescent period, is simple, has female and male options and two answer options - “yes”, “no” (for the text of the questionnaire, see Appendix 4).
The male version contains seven scales:
1) the scale of attitudes towards socially desirable responses;
2) the scale of the propensity to overcome norms and rules;
3) the scale of the propensity for addictive behavior;
4) a scale of propensity for self-experiencing and self-destructive behavior;
5) the scale of the propensity for aggression and violence;
6) the scale of volitional control of emotional reactions;
7) the scale of the tendency to delinquent behavior.
The female version contains eight scales: the first seven are identical to the male version, the eighth scale is the acceptance of a female social role.
Instruction: “Before you there are a number of statements. They relate to some aspects of your life, your character, habits. Read the first statement and decide if this statement is true for you.
* If true, then on the answer sheet next to the number corresponding to the statement, in the box under the “yes” mark, put a cross or a tick.
* If it is incorrect, then put a cross or a tick in the box under the “no” symbol.
* If you find it difficult to answer, then try to choose the answer option that still corresponds more to your opinion.
Then answer all the items of the questionnaire in the same way. If you are mistaken, then cross out the wrong answer and put the one that you think is necessary. Remember that you are expressing your own opinion of yourself at the moment. There can be no “bad” or “good”, “right” or “wrong” answers. Do not ponder the answers for a very long time, your first reaction to the content of the statements is important. Take your work seriously and carefully. Carelessness, as well as the desire to "improve" or "worsen" the answers lead to unreliable results. In case of difficulty, read this manual again or contact the person who conducts the test. Do not make any marks in the text of the questionnaire. "
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