The child is not upset about poor grades. The daughter is worried about the grades. Do not focus attention

08.11.2020

This happens to everyone. The teacher gives you back a test or assignment that you thought you did just fine, and then your heart falls into your stomach. You have a bad mark, not even average. One question after another floods your mind. How can you improve your academic performance? What will the parents say? What will be the grade now at the end of the year? To get back on track and avoid this mistake in the future, you need to know how to act correctly in this situation. Start at step 1 of this guide to learn how to cope with a bad grade.

Steps

Part 1

Keep calm

Let the panic pass quickly. When we get a bad grade, we panic (unless it's a routine for you). It seems to us that we have lost our mind, attention, our talent and strength. But this is not how things are in general. Each of us can stumble. In fact, the mistakes we make in our lives make us the people we are, they teach us to correct ourselves and achieve better results next time.

Remind yourself that one bad grade won't ruin your entire academic career. An academic career consists of many different tests and assignments, not just the assignments and presentations you do in class. It depends on the relationship you build with your teachers; from the influence that you have on your friends; and most importantly - from what you are learn to... Judging the success of your academic career by one measure is like judging the success of a party by one guest arriving. Such judgments are far from accurate.

Just in case, make sure to go back to the test and recount your points. Make sure your instructor doesn't make a mistake when calculating your points or summing up your final grade. Remember, even math teachers make math mistakes!

If you do find an error, check again and then take the time to speak with your instructor. Instead of focusing on the mistake - "You got it wrong on my test, quickly change my grade!" - try to show more understanding. Remember that honey will attract more bees than vinegar. Try something like this: "I noticed that it is not counted here, or am I missing something?"

Carefully find out what grades your classmates received. You probably won't get very upset if you got a “3” or “3 -” when everyone else also got a “C”, because that means that you got a grade within the normal range. However, be careful about asking others' ratings - they may not want to share with you or want to know your score in return.
- If your teacher proportionally underestimated all the grades, then your result will be looked at taking into account the grades of all the others. Thus, if “4 -” is the maximum score on the test, then it becomes “five”, and “three” turns into “four”.
Part 2
Seeking help to improve the situation
1. Talk with your teacher about possible ways to improve the situation. Teachers love it when students who get a bad grade show a willingness to learn and improve. This makes teachers feel successful, doing the right thing, a good thing. Therefore, if you go up to your teacher and say something like "Hello, Yulia Sergeevna, I didn’t like how I showed myself on the test. Can I somehow forget about it and work on how to write a better next work?" , your teacher will simply pass out from satisfaction.
  - Even if you find it difficult to do so, there are many good things you can learn from meeting your teacher:
    - The instructor will explain to you the problems you got wrong and the ideas you didn’t figure out.
    - The instructor will see that you want to learn and can take this into account in your final grade.
    - Your instructor may give you an assignment for extra points.
2. Ask for help from students who performed better on the test. Helping others is a pleasure, and this is why many students who have written well, help those who have done worse. Just make sure you really spend your time studying and working, not joking and chatting. And try to choose someone whom you do not consider very attractive, and for whom you have no secret sympathy - we all know what "study" will be like when we are in the same room with a handsome guy or a beautiful girl.
  
  Consider telling your parents about the bad grade. While you may not want to, talking to your parents about this is still a very good idea. Your parents are worried about your progress. That's why they care about your bad grades - not because they want to make you uncomfortable. Keeping this in mind will make it easier for you to open up to them and hopefully get the help and support you need.
  - Your parents can sit down and explain to you where you made a mistake; they can hire a tutor to help you with your studies; they may also make an appointment with your instructor (although it is unusual to do so after one bad grade) to see how you can improve your grades.
Part 3
Success in the next test
1. Practice effectively, not necessarily for long. Many people think that learning right means learning for a long time. This is not always true. Learning purposefully with enthusiasm often overcomes long hours of monotonous work.
  
  Write your notes and notes by hand, not on a computer or laptop. Research has shown that writing with pen on paper improves your memory, as opposed to just typing on a computer. This is due to the fact that writing letters and numbers activates parts of the brain that are responsible for motor memory. Improving motor memory means improving memory in general and remembering the information you write down.
  
  Take a break from time to time to refresh your memory. 10-minute breaks once an hour help in memorizing and mastering the material. You can spend one-sixth of an hour walking, playing with the dog, or calling your friend and empathizing with him before returning to school.
  
  Do a practice test before the actual test. Practice tests are a great solution if you can get your hands on them. They give you a good idea of the problem area of your knowledge and what you need to work on more. Practice is the path to perfect results.
  
  Try not to cram. If you can do without cramming, it's best to skip it. It is exhausting, impairs your understanding of the material and sometimes reduces your self-confidence.
  
  Get a good night's sleep before the test. Studies have shown that every hour of sleep lost increases stress levels by 14%. This doesn't seem like much of a problem until you see how stress affects your academic performance. So get a good night's sleep at least a few nights before your important test to give your body the best chance of success.
  
  Have a good breakfast in the morning before the test. Your brain and your body require fuel to do well on a test. So a great breakfast is an important priority not to be overlooked. Try unsweetened cereals, whole grain pastries, yogurt and muesli, oatmeal and fresh fruit to give your body the energy it needs for great results.

A small child perceives "5" or "4" not just as a mark, but as an assessment of his personality - good or bad. It is not for nothing that some pedagogical systems abandon marks altogether, so as not to create unnecessary reasons for. How adequately the child will be able to perceive the assessments depends, for the most part, on the family. Indeed, sometimes parents forget that it is not only the result that is important, but also participation, and learning is the process of obtaining not so much grades as knowledge.

In addition, grades are always subjective: the result can be affected by the excitement or attitude of the teacher. But often the child's perception of assessments is influenced by the attitude of the parents towards them, and the latter, in turn, can be divided into several types.

Anxious parents. Most often, anxious parents are worried about assessments: for them, it is an indicator of the success of their child, and, therefore, this is their assessment as an effective or ineffective parent: in other words, how their contribution to the child was assessed by society. “For such moms and dads, a bad grade is catastrophic - if he has a“ 2 ”, then I am a bad parent,” explains Anna Fateeva, child psychologist at the Crisis Center for Helping Women and Children.

Authoritarian parents. Children of demanding, controlling, criticizing parents experience the situation with assessments no less difficult. Often such people are forced to rewrite the task to an ideal form, they meet a four, and even more so a three in the diary with harsh silence, notations or punishments. The child begins to fear evaluations, especially if he has already met with punishment - physical or emotional.

Narcissistic parents. It also happens that it is important for parents to present the child's results to the public's judgment: to be proud, boast, brag, and then the parents - explicitly or not - broadcast to the child: "If you are not successful, you do not meet our expectations, we do not need you like that." Here we are dealing with a situation of rejection, which, accordingly, will lead to excessive and panic before showing the diary to the parents.

Compassionate parents. Some overly caring mothers are inclined and ready to ease his suffering at any time. With them, children quickly understand: if you cry after you get a deuce, they will not only not scold you, but even pat you on the head, regret it and buy a chocolate bar. Now the baby uses this method every time just to play it safe.

The source of the problem can be not only the family, but also the school environment: an overly strict teacher or a competitive environment in the classroom can also provoke an exaggerated reaction to grades. In this case, the child begins to fear that classmates will not accept him because of poor academic performance.
Daria Dmitrieva
psychologist at the Crisis Center for Women and Children

What if the child is too worried about the grades?

When the child is only, his fear of grades is almost certainly due to the fact that he does not know what reaction to expect from his parents, and therefore experiences anxiety. If this is no longer a small child and the negative reaction to assessments has become systematic, then the situation requires attention.

“Try to understand why the child is so worried about the assessments,” advises psychologist Daria Dmitrieva. - Afraid that mom will swear? He ashamed? Does he think he's stupid? Did the guys laugh at him? Did the teacher insult him? In each individual case, the approach to the problem will be different. "

Nevertheless, you can try to give some general recommendations.

1. From the first grade, teach your child to have the right attitude to school."I am pleased when you get a 5, but other marks are not the end of the world." You shouldn't say: “Oh, did you get a four? Are you stupid? Here I am at your age ... ”The child should be told that“ 4 ”does not say anything bad about his personality, character, etc. This is just one of the tools for measuring knowledge.

2. Explain to your child that he has the right to make mistakes. Maybe the child is embarrassed to say that he misunderstood the topic, or he cannot, or the reason for this is absences due to illness. It is important to support the kids so that they are not afraid to say: “I don’t understand, explain”.

3. Don't compare your child to other children who are doing better. This is at least unconstructive. If you want, compare today's results with the successes of your own child yesterday: "Look, you learned to write this word without mistakes", "Look, you already write essays better."

We tend to be fairly light on bad grades or unexpected trouble in school, but bad grades in college or university can affect our professional performance in the future. Perhaps you didn’t get the highest grade, or you completely failed the last test or pass - don’t worry. It is better to pay attention to your spiritual state, accept this case, find harmony and get ready to move on. Zen is not just a teaching about tranquility. This teaching is more about finding the kind of determination and determination that will help improve your future. You need to understand why you get bad grades, what you can do to fix it, and how you should behave in order to get good grades in the future.

Steps

Accept your grades

Take responsibility for your grades. Even if this is a blow to your self-esteem, you need to understand that only you are responsible for the grades you receive. Of course, you may have conflicts with teachers, other extraneous factors may also affect your grades, but in most cases you need to understand that if you want to improve something, you need to act.

Put this situation in perspective. Understand, unfortunately, troubles do happen in life. Bad grades can make you panic, but you need to be smart about the situation to come to terms with it. You are healthy? Do you have close people who love you, friends who are always there? Think how happy you are. Remember, grades are important, of course, but they are not the only important thing in your life.

Talk to someone you trust. When you're upset, it's okay to talk about the situation with a friend or loved one. Don't feel obligated to handle this situation on your own. Understandably, you are worried about upsetting your parents, ruining your grades and your teachers' impression of yourself. Remember, you can handle this and find the support you need.

You can even try seeing a psychologist (schools, colleges, and universities usually have in-house psychologists). They are good professionals who are trained to help upset and worried students.
You should not visit forums and social networks to complain about your "troubles" there. After all, your comments can be seen by other students, employees of the institute and teachers. This can threaten with consequences. Therefore, it is best to talk to a friend or a psychologist face to face.

Take a break. Perhaps you are terribly tired, so now is not the time to forget about your well-being. Eat ice cream with a friend, watch a movie, or take a bubble bath. Do something that helps you relax. The point is not to "run away" from bad assessments, but to find the harmony and tranquility that are necessary in order to correct this situation. Once you are rested and relaxed, return to your grades.

Remind yourself that grades do not determine your self-worth or your worth. You are much more than your grades. Good grades can help you assert yourself, but don't let poor grades diminish your importance. In addition, poor grades do not mean that you are stupid or unable to graduate properly. Each has its own talents, strengths and qualities that cannot be measured by the curriculum alone.

Meditate. When you can retire to your room, try closing your eyes for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths and concentrate on your breathing. Calm your thoughts and allow yourself to move away from them. Try not to think about anything, and if you start to get haunted by thoughts about your grades, try to discard them. You can turn on pleasant, calm music to help you relax. Try to devote 15-30 minutes to meditation.
- If you find it difficult to devote a lot of time to meditation, try downloading a special meditation application (for example, "PureMind: Meditation and Sounds" or "Headspace" try to use it)). These apps offer specific tips and guides to help you focus.
- Yoga is another way to relax and achieve harmony. In some educational institutions (colleges and universities) there are sports clubs, including a yoga club. Find out if there is such a circle in your educational institution, if you can enroll there.
If you're having panic attacks, try one of the relaxation techniques. Sometimes we feel anxious or panic, but we don't have enough time to meditate. In this case, you can try using a quick relaxation technique that will help you recover a little. So, leave all your business. Close your eyes and count to 10. Imagine a peaceful place where you are happy, such as next to an ocean or a bubbling stream. These techniques will help you to relax and release the worries that are overwhelming you.

Give up drugs and alcohol. Some people worry so much about their ratings that they go into fun and partying even more in order to forget about this problem - this is how a vicious circle begins. If you are very anxious about bad grades, try not to drink alcohol until you relax and feel calm.

Think what went wrong
1. Calculate how much time you spend studying. Before you panic, try to guess what caused you to get bad grades. Are you learning at full strength? Are you skipping and missing tests? Thinking about your learning habits will help you figure out what to work on.
  - Perhaps you are completely devoted to your studies. Studying with all your might and getting bad grades can be really frustrating. But you must remember that you did your best to succeed. Maybe next time you should change your learning habits or ask your teacher for help.
  - Perhaps you just gave up right away and didn't try everything. What you need to understand is that the days of relying only on your talent and luck are over. Take a lesson from this and try to prepare yourself better next time.
2. Think about what materials you are preparing for. Take another look at your notes, notes, and exercises. What part (or what tasks) did you not understand? What does the curriculum say about these tests? Consider, perhaps, you did not understand something that you should have learned (or learned to do).
  - Perhaps you only learned what you are interested in. If some moments seemed too difficult or uninteresting to you, most likely you returned to more interesting parts of the material or assignment, and simply ignored the difficult or boring parts of the assignment. Next time, try to fight that urge.
  - You may have read only the minimum required for the lesson. If so, try reading additional material in addition to your main homework. If you do not understand the material, go to the library, ask the teacher for help, or find an explanation on the Internet.
3. Pay attention to your attendance. Some teachers deduct points for a student missing too many classes. Sometimes, by skipping classes, you miss out on key information. Think about the attendance rate. Add to this the number of missed classes.
  - Do you have a valid reason why you were absent from class? Do you have a medical certificate confirming that you were ill? If you have someone who died, do you have a copy of the death certificate? If the answer to these questions is no, chances are your absences were not judged to be a valid absence.
4. Take into account other factors that may have affected this. If you are not feeling well and cannot afford even basic things, it is likely that your studies will be difficult for you. If this is the case, talk to your doctor or psychologist to understand what you can do to resolve the situation (you may need to take time out to deal with your condition). If it's not the end of the semester, it might be a good idea to skip a couple of classes to sort this out. So, the main external factors are listed below:
  - death of a loved one;
  - work (full or part-time);
  - raising young children;
  - mental health problems.
  - Please note that you are unlikely to be able to re-take a course in a certain subject. This is possible only if you re-recover for the same course (that is, you will have to study again for a whole year what you have already studied). However, you can talk to a teacher. Surely he teaches students of other specialties in the same program (especially if it is a general discipline). If you can manage to allocate time for classes in a subject that you are lagging behind, and the instructor agrees to this, then you have a chance to improve your grades.
5. Think about how much you communicate. When you are completely absorbed by some life events, you do not have time to cope with the rest of your affairs. Perhaps you have a new friend or a new girlfriend who takes up all of your time. Maybe you are a member of a community or hobby club that often hosts parties. Social life is very important, but if you spend too much time partying and you don't have enough time for textbooks, you can ruin your grades.
  
  Meet with your instructors. Being considerate and responsible can help you even in college or university. Teachers will understand that you are facing certain difficulties now, and they will appreciate your desire to learn. Talking to teachers will help you better learn the lesson, understand the material and improve your work in the future.
  - Talk to faculty members during their working hours or write an email to arrange a face-to-face meeting. It is always best to discuss such matters in person.
  - While it can be difficult, you can approach this topic calmly and sincerely. Just say, "I am very disappointed in my knowledge of the last assignments. I am wondering how I could improve my results. Can you give me some advice on how best to approach this assignment?"
  - If you delay this conversation until the end of the semester, it may be too late to change anything.
Consider a new approach to learning
1. Assess the overall impact of bad grades on your future. In order not to worry about your grades, think about how much they will affect your future studies and career. More often than not, poor grades do not greatly affect our general education. If you get unsatisfactory grades in one or more lessons, you may be impairing your grades. But don't be discouraged - take a few deep breaths and take a look at the big picture. Make a concrete plan to improve.
  
  Decide in which areas you want to develop. You may have realized that the problem is in the approach to learning. Maybe you realized that you do not know how to organize the material, that you forget about the deadlines. Once you've identified what the main problem is, you need to take steps to fix it. Make a decision to change something.
  - If you are very forgetful, you can buy a calendar or organizer, mark important dates and set reminders on your phone.
  - If you have problems with the distribution and organization of your time, you can make a schedule in advance and, after completing the planned activities, reward yourself with something pleasant.
2. Set yourself new goals. Think about what you want to achieve in the end? What kind of career do you want to build? Do you want to earn a certain amount? Do you want to apply for a master's degree? List your goals. Once you've identified your goals, list the steps you need to take to achieve those goals.
  - For example, if you want to further study medicine, review the list of subjects you will be studying, decide what you should be doing at the time of graduation, and how various extracurricular activities can contribute to achieving your goal. So, your list of practical steps might be "Find Admission Information" or "Find Good Medical Universities."
3. Think about what you could improve. It is very important to understand that you cannot change the past, but you can change the future. Convince yourself that you can solve your problems. Once you understand what you did wrong, you can take steps to improve your situation.
Move on
1. Review your schedule. If you had very difficult subjects last semester, you may already have an answer to the question of why your grades dropped so badly. Even the smartest and most capable people need to take breaks from time to time. Perhaps, in the current semester, the schedule is not balanced, in which case the whole group should contact the dean's office with a request to distribute the subjects differently. But, most likely, a visit to the dean will be successful only if the semester has just begun.
- If possible, politely ask your instructor if you can watch your test (to make sure you get the correct grade). In some cases (but quite rarely) instructors make mistakes when checking work.
- If things aren't going well from the start of the semester, consider skipping one or more classes to ease the stress and get things under control.
- Understand that dropping out of school is the very last option and has many consequences. The best option is to try to put in more effort and perseverance to succeed. By skipping classes and dropping out of school, you develop escapism (the desire to escape from difficult situations), rather than strength of character and perseverance.
Warnings
- Never harm yourself or anyone else in response to bad grades. Remember, this will pass too.
- If you are not getting enough sleep or eating poorly (or both), remember that this will affect you in an unpleasant way. But with time. Seek help from a social worker if financial situation is involved.
- If you suffer from mental health problems or some kind of physical limitation that affects your learning process, do not hide in a corner and do not suffer in silence. Many colleges and universities are modernizing curricula and creating special facilities for people with disabilities. Certain adjustments are made to the course structure and timetable to help the student successfully complete the course. Trying to succeed in spite of everything is admirable, but it can lead to failure in the long run, so try to figure out what learning environment will help you cope with the situation.
- Get rid of bad habits (for example, excessive communication and the habit of underestimating the material), because these habits become the cause of your mistakes and failures. Instead of following an all-or-nothing principle and giving up when things don't go well, try to achieve your goal gradually.
What do you need
- Planner or organizer
- Meetings with teachers, psychologist (to assess progress)
- Open access to notebooks, textbooks, online materials, and so on (if you do not have access to study materials, ask the teacher to provide you with everything you need)
- Find a regular notebook or ring pad to take notes in. Find a small notebook if you can jot down the material using acronyms and abbreviations

The source of the problem can be not only the family, but also the school environment: an overly strict teacher or a competitive environment in the classroom can also provoke an exaggerated reaction to grades. In this case, the child begins to fear that classmates will not accept him because of poor academic performance.
Daria Dmitrieva
psychologist at the Crisis Center for Women and Children

What if the child is too worried about the grades?

Nevertheless, you can try to give some general recommendations.

Steps

Steps

Accept your grades

Think what went wrong

Consider a new approach to learning

Move on

Warnings

What do you need