Office romance: one time at a time is not necessary! Office romance: good or bad

I wanted to talk to you about novels. No, not about those that are written by writers condescending to us, where there is always a happy ending, the moon and nightingales. And about novels, so to speak, everyday ones, where there is not so much romance, and there are no nightingales at all. I want to immerse you in the history of office romances. And what kind of nightingales are there in the office?

When are we getting married?

Love affair at work. Listen to the sound of the words. Some kind of absurdity. You have to work at work, service as service, and friendship is friendship. But what if your daily route is monotonous and unchanged: home - work, work - home? And the heart? He doesn't want peace!

A happy ending in a romance is, as you know, wedding bells. Anyone, but not official. Office romances rarely end in the same way as the romance of Novoseltsev and Lyudmila Prokofievna. Maybe some of you, like me, had to watch romances in the service?

Either I was unlucky, or the heroes of the novels, but they began for health, and ended almost for peace. I’ll tell you the scenario of such a novel, according to which the film will not be filmed. It's a pity, because "Office Romance" by Eldar Ryazanov is one of the many remakes of the Cinderella tale. And the fairy tale, as you know, is a lie.

I still think that the reality of our life teaches us better than we do. I want to offer you the most typical scenario of an office romance.

The hero of the novel is about thirty years old. Married successfully and for love. Two children, and the youngest was born recently. Everything is fine at home, but familiar and ordinary. The wife is absorbed in children, everyday life and children's problems swallowed her up and swallowed. We will give names to our heroes to make it easier to communicate with them. Let's take the most common ones - Alexey and Olga. Any coincidences are accidental. Although the development of the novel itself is natural.

So, Alexey is married, and his wife has two children. His children, but not his. He was either pushed out of this bundle of "wife and children", or he fell out himself. But the fact remains: at home he is a little lonely. I want to emphasize that my Alexey is a very good person. But even a person with a developed sense of duty at thirty wants attention, love and romance.

His colleague Olga is 23 years old. She is not married, but the girl is very serious and positive. Their relationship began not even with flirting, but with serious conversations and friendship. There was a meeting not of two loneliness, which, as you remember, lit up by the road, but two kindred souls who were really lonely. And they had true love.

You know that a man, in order not to disturb his status as a family man, most often explains this by the impossibility of abandoning his children. Olga, like many women who find themselves in such situations, has a simple solution to the issue. She, in order to align the disposition, also gives birth to a child.

And what does Alexei have now? A house where a wife and children and no romance, and a second home, where there was once a mistress, romance and rest from everyday life - and now the same way of life and the absence of romance.

Alexei are different and act in different ways. The respectable hero of my story acted contrary to all his life principles. He just left his former mistress with a child and returned to the family. The betrayal did not pass without consequences for him, he found himself in a clinic of neuroses. But this story took place in the old Soviet times, when the intellectual was as poor as a church mouse. Now a man can provide for two families, and bigamy has become so widespread that Zhirinovsky proposed to legitimize the existing situation so that none of the women would be offended.

They often feel sorry for the wife, whom her husband is unfaithful to with his mistress. And in my opinion, when cheating, everyone suffers, and it is not known who is more. When the little secretary of the big boss, after a three-year office romance with vows of eternal love, decided to inquire about her future fate and, as if jokingly, asked: "Pal Ivanovich, would you like to marry me?" - then she received a cruel but honest answer: "You are good in such a role as well." So, dear lovers of diversifying their lives, remember: an office romance can be long and pleasant for both parties if they, these parties, observe the unwritten rules of the game.

There is a wonderful American film "Love by the Rules and Without". So in an office romance, adherence to the rules guarantees you success, and deviation from the rules is a bitter failure. A step to the left, a step to the right - shooting.
Are there any positive examples of long-term relationships in the work collective? Yes, and I really want to write about it.

Without breaking the rules

I have a close friend whom I have known since birth. An amazing person. Wherever she worked, she had office affairs with her bosses. Sometimes with direct, and sometimes - with very superior. That in Soviet times created a lot of amenities for her: an increase in salary, even receiving a medal and other distinctions, promotion. Her novels always ended happily in connection with the transition to a new place of work. Interestingly, she also managed to maintain an easy friendly relationship with employees who are not blind, deaf and stupid.

I have already said: for me people are of burning interest. I'll tell you about my girlfriend. Maybe you and I will be able to understand why she was so successful? I will call her by my favorite name - Margarita.

Margoshka is not a beauty or a coquette. But here's what, it seems to me, distinguishes her from other women I know. She is very observant. And she says that every time she comes to a new place of work, she took a position as if on the sidelines. And from the outside I watched, analyzed the relationships in the team, revealed sympathy.

It reminded me very much of the revelation of one of my clients who was in prison twice. And the first time I got there at a very young age. His behavior in prison was the same as my Marigold's behavior at work. He, as they say, hid and did not protrude. Observed, isolated norms of behavior for myself. His peer, a representative of the golden youth, got into the same cell with him. And he immediately began to boast of his connections, to spread the peacock's tail. You yourself will be able to guess what other bird you turned this peacock into.

So my Marigold, although she had never been in any prison in her life, intuitively understood that one should not go into another's monastery with one's own charter. Therefore, I carefully studied the charter of a foreign monastery at first. I have never met such women in my life.

Margarita is not just a chess player in life, but a grandmaster. Observing people from the side, she could objectively note the sympathy of any man for herself. And she always evoked sympathy. His cheerfulness and not just friendly, but friendly communication with men. Margarita strictly observed the rules of the game. She did not flirt, did not lure, did not show initiative. She was always friendly, knew how to support any conversation. But at some point, she realized that "the spark slipped through." And again, no initiative on her part, only attention and gentleness in her eyes.

Of course, the employees guessed about Margatita's relationship with her superiors. But never, even to her closest friends, did she talk about her special relationship with her superiors. And to the "bosses" themselves, no reproaches - why did not come, did not call, no complaints and tears. Behavior incomprehensible to me, but very successful.

She always had office romances and lasted a long time. And in doing so, she managed to maintain good relationships with employees. And most importantly, which is incomprehensible to me, she allowed herself to be loved, promoted, helped financially, but her feelings did not go beyond common sense. Daisy is a prosaic woman, perhaps indifferent to poetry. But she taught me, quoting Pushkin: "The less we love a woman, the easier she likes us." Well, of course, rearranging the places of men and women.

And you know, my dear readers, it occurred to me that it is precisely such a relationship that suits men most in office romances. Without breaking the rules and without crossing borders.

On high heels

But what if you want to love yourself? With this - very carefully. Because for a man, the true feelings of a woman in love can become an annoying nuisance. As in the office romance of Olenka and Samokhvalov.

Can we say they had an office romance? Yes, Olya lived in this novel and lived in this novel. But for Samokhvalov it was not a novel, but some kind of farce, where he got into the role of not a hero at all, but some kind of parsley for the amusement of the most respectable audience. Do you remember the plot of the movie? Everyone condemned Samokhvalov and pitied Olenka. Yes, of course, Samokhvalov trampled on all the norms of decency, but Olya, too, constantly violated the rules of decency, drove the person into an awkward position.

From all of the above, you and I, as sane people, must conclude: an affair in the service can give people many pleasant minutes, raise vitality, promote creativity, even increase labor productivity, but only if love in this novel is rules.

Quite often, family men and women enter into office romances by concluding a deal. Which, mind you, are not going to change anything in their lives. Each and every one needs to remember that office romances rarely end with Mendelssohn's march.

Therefore, before entering the deck of the Office Romance ship, think about the pitfalls and reefs. In Russia, as a rule, a man and a woman enter into an office romance, unlike Western versions, although we also strive for Western standards. So, in the traditional version of "man and woman", the peculiarities of male and female psychology are clearly manifested.

A woman, having caught the interest of a colleague, in her thoughts and fantasies is already sewing herself a wedding dress, taking common children to kindergarten. Men do not look into the future, but live here and now. They look at a woman and see her primarily as a sexual partner. And, of course, an adult adequate man understands how to look after and what words to say.

At first, everything seems to be fine, but now the very future that the woman dreamed of and which the man did not think about at all comes, and then their love ship stumbles upon a reef. For example, a partner in an office romance may like one of the newcomers, but a woman is unlikely to like it. As you understand, conflict is inevitable, and if a woman is reasonable, then she will save all her reproaches, tears and suffering for a pillow or a close friend. But she will come to work in high heels with her head held high and a natural, not a forced smile.

Are the Novoseltsevs happy?

However, it is often different. And how to manage this whole situation, extinguish the volcano of conflicts and passions? Can I put straws on top to make them fall more softly?

Psychologists see many advantages in an office romance. This refers to the romance of two free people, which then smoothly flows into marriage. The biggest advantage is that partners can get to know each other well before entering into a relationship by observing him (her) and gathering information from employees.

But how often do people do this - that is, look at each other? If Novoseltsev decided to analyze the life path and habitual way of Lyudmila Prokofievna, he would have limited himself to flirting, but in no case would he have gone to the registry office. Well, think about what kind of family life awaits them? After all, Lyudmila Prokofievna dismisses not only from work, but even her friends from her life, if a friend is "unfit for professional use." And children, boys - what if they fail to meet the high standards of a talented leader? Will she also "fire" them from her life?

I will not describe the happy family life of the Novoseltsevs, because I cannot believe in this fairy tale.

Now in Russia the time has come for an active discussion of the topic of office romances, their usefulness and harmfulness, their pros and cons. Why? And because the "office plankton" have now multiplied, thereby expanding the field for office romance. I have already said that experts, mainly foreign ones, who have accumulated experience in observing the courtly behavior of office plankton, note both the pros and cons of novels in the service. There is evidence that labor productivity even increases - a person runs to work as if on a holiday. But office romances still have more disadvantages. You know, either work or build eyes. And if someone's work evokes negative emotions, then this negative will affect the partner as well. In addition, love does not tolerate the forced daily communication. It's like overeating sweet things, and it can make you sick.

But what both supporters and opponents of office romance are united in is that flirting has an unusually healthy and even ennobling effect on the working atmosphere. Want to talk about it?

Flirting is a game. It can be an intellectual game, it can be sexy. But flirting is always a fair game, with the satisfaction of both parties. In general, this is entertainment for two.

I must say that flirting as an intellectual game and as a sexual game without a sense of humor is impossible. But coquetry is possible without a sense of humor. If you strained with intellect, then coquetry smoothly flows into pretentiousness. Flirtation, as opposed to flirting, is a dishonest game. The goal of a coquette, even if it is a man, is to lure a partner, and then, as Eric Byrne writes about this, to promote him.

Flirting, on the other hand, is a pleasant business, useful for partners, and also profitable. Profit comes from a form of flirting called functional flirting. You can learn techniques, using which, it is easier to carry out sales, transactions, negotiate. I think that the position of a professional flirtologist should be included in the staffing of any corporation. And you will see how the vitality of the employees will, bouncing, grow in proportion to their attention to their own appearance.

The art of flirting has a long history. Oddly enough, the foundations of this game were laid in England, but developed and perfected in France. They say that as soon as a newborn Frenchman opens his eyes, he is immediately taught to compliment women.

If in the science of tender passion we lagged behind, then we also have talented nuggets. We are all adults, but the most attractive entertainment for any adult is the game. It can be hockey, or curling, everyone's favorite, or Spider Solitaire, or other popular games, but flirting is still the most attractive game.

Flirt with your health, start office romances, but just don't lose your head.

Psychologist Galina BELOZUB

What do you think about office romances?

From the point of view of psychology, office romance is a normal sex-role behavior. It’s not robots who come to work, but real people. Another thing is that office flirting should not interfere with work and spoil the business atmosphere in the team.
Coming out of the underground
About 15 years ago, the American Harvard Business Review published an article by Elaise Collins, which advised managers to fire a less valuable employee (in most cases, a subordinate, most often a woman). Elaise wrote: “If rats are introduced into a company building, they should be destroyed immediately. Flirting between colleagues is no less dangerous, because it can seriously disrupt the organizational structure of the company. " In the UK, according to the Financial Times, lawyers discussed the inclusion in the employment contract of a clause prohibiting office romance. If the project was adopted, then anyone convicted of a violation could be fired for love on a legal basis. By the way, in the corporate "Memo for managers" of the IBM company 10 years ago it was stated: "An employee has no right to meet or have a romantic relationship with a colleague subordinate to him, even if this relationship arises with the mutual consent of the parties." Now office romances are not prohibited, although they do not see anything good in them. This is due to fears that one of the parties may file a lawsuit for sexual claims, and the opinion that the lovers will work much worse.
Dangerous situations
German psychologists are sure: a dangerous situation is created by the employers themselves, who force the team to work 50-70 hours a week. People come home late and go to bed right away, and all week they do not communicate with anyone except their colleagues. Therefore, only the office remains for personal life. The second problem is corporate parties designed to unite the team. An informal atmosphere creates a favorable situation for flirting: after a banquet, dancing until you drop and seeing off home, anything can happen. Another dangerous moment is business trips: in a foreign city, employees recognize each other in a private setting, at breakfasts, dinners and after work walks. Such communication evokes mutual sympathy, which easily develops into something more.
Will they be fired or not?
Today, companies no longer fire colleagues in love: in the worst case, one of the "guilty" is transferred to another job. If love has arisen between a boss and a subordinate, then another boss is looked for for an ordinary employee or the boss in love is moved (as a rule, with a promotion). The reason for this liberalization of office codes was modern legislation, which requires more freedoms for the individual. IBM lost a lawsuit to one of its managers Dennis
Manicelli, dismissed after 23 years of good service. Dennis filed a lawsuit claiming that he was forced to quit his job due to the fact that he was dating a subordinate. The court took the side of the dismissed, and IBM paid Dennis $ 375 thousand for breach of contract. In Europe, the British and the Germans have long made it clear to their workers that they don't need to hide their affectionate relationships and hide in corners: romance has been found to strengthen loyalty to the firm and increase productivity. The main thing is that the feelings are mutual!

No problems would arise if human society was organized like an anthill. Everyone has their own business: some love, others work. But we have to combine. What comes out of this? Good or Bad? Let's try to separate the "wheat from the chaff".

I'll start with the bad. The disadvantages are negative emotions of the readers, and I hope this opus will be evaluated after reading the entire article. Therefore, we will save the positive attitude until it ends. Otherwise, the rating will move down again. We are like children or savages. There are more beads, higher on the list ...

Minus the first. Having an office romance is almost the same as signing your own passivity. To attract the attention of an “object” outside the service means to find it, go somewhere, say something, get to know each other and maintain a relationship so that it does not fade away due to rare meetings. And at work everything is at hand, why bother?

Minus the second. Limited choice of "objects". There are not so many of them around, you have to restrain your appetites. As in the song: "... what was, then I fell in love."

Minus the third. Love is close to neurosis. And which neurotic is a worker? The head is only "an object" and is hammered, production indicators and "the level of material well-being" are falling.

Minus the fourth. In the theater of life, one and the same person, in the same place, at the same time, has to "play" two roles: a worker and a lover. So it’s not far from a split personality. The minimum that threatens is blurring the lines between roles and confusion in assessing the significance of actions. The consequences are the same as in the third minus.

Minus the fifth. Everything is in sight. Rubbish from the hut may not be taken out by anyone, but every "speck" will be examined under a microscope, sucked and licked from all sides for sure. How is such a prospect?

Minus the sixth. Hopelessness. At work, there are different people, more often family. So, according to statistics, in Russia, only one man out of three hundred leaves the family because of a new love. Well, he certainly feels so good and comfortable, but what remains for his beloved ladies? Over time, hang the label of an abandoned woman on your chest ...

American studies of “service partners” who are not burdened by family ties have found a similar result. Only a tenth of romances at work lead to marriage or long-term cohabitation.

Minus the seventh. Jealousy. Well, how will the "object" like a neighbor (neighbor) in the office? Mom, don't worry! At best, insults and reproaches for any reason. But even more drastic measures are not far away.

Minus eighth. Public opinion. "NS!!! Russo tourist !!! The face of morality !!! " Not quite a modern quote, but objective. In the collective there is always a home-grown moralist who considers it his duty to "take action" in the struggle for the sanctity and purity of relations between the sexes. It is not very pleasant to be the subject of his efforts. Well, let alone inform the legal “half of the outrages” - for him the first thing.

Good

1. Office parties. In many work collectives there is a custom to celebrate holidays together in the office. After such parties, anything can happen.
2. There is a constant lack of time. It happens that the work takes most of the time. Many people simply have no desire to go somewhere after work. Therefore, an office romance is just right.
3. When you are driven by a common goal. It often happens that people who are engaged in the same business have similar interests, tastes, principles. In sports and show business, the relations "producer - singer", "photographer - model", director - actress "are very widespread. Such office romances are due to the Electra complex, so in most cases, the one who is more experienced and older acts as a leader.
4. Family business. It is very difficult to be the wife of a millionaire, feeling as if in a "golden cage". Psychologists say that some men, in order to keep their wife busy, but not to let her go far, give them or open some small company where she could be the mistress, or take her to help in their personal business. There are examples of real prosperity for such families.
5. Personal qualities. By interacting with a person at work every day, you can fully learn his personality. Office romances, when someone falls in love with someone for their professional qualities, are rare, but they do happen.
6. Business trip. A trip to another city with a nice employee is a good opportunity for an office romance. Those who are interested, we recommend that you watch "The Most Charming and Attractive".

Badly

1. A good leader will always hire a professional in the first place, not a pretty girl-sex machine.
2. A woman who decides to start an office romance for the sake of a career place, in the eyes of her work friends and just employees, loses the status of a professional in her field. From this moment, they begin to perceive only her sexual qualities, and not professional ones. An office romance can bring some discomfort to a relationship with them. Men may begin to think that you are a woman of easy virtue, while women will not miss moments to prick you, regardless of possible problems with the boss.
3. An office romance constantly proceeds in front of all employees, so you should be prepared that even if they do not feel something bad for you, they will still discuss you, or give you some unnecessary advice.
4. If you are a boss or a boss, then the likelihood that your subordinate starts an office romance with you just for the sake of a career is very high. Why do you need this?
5. Love in the workplace is very distracting from work. Therefore, you may simply be thrown out of work, or even with your partner.
6. If you start an office romance just for the sake of your career, you should remember that at any time someone else can take your place, and then you will be left with nothing, and even with a tarnished reputation.
7. Such novels as "investigator - defendant", "lawyer - client", "teacher - student" are generally prohibited by both unwritten and written laws. They can not only interfere with the work process, but also harm your health, or even life.
8. You need to think carefully whether you are ready to see the same face both at home and at work. And even if you are ready, will you be ready to see him every day at work if your office romance ends? Will you be able to work effectively by seeing your abuser?

Well, after weighing all the "good" and "bad", think carefully before starting an office romance. Successful career to you!

In the West, the relationship between heterosexual employees in the office is clearly defined in the corporate culture. And even the forms of courtesy that are familiar to us, such as an attempt to hold the door or compliments, are strictly prohibited.

Office romance - the situation in Russia

Moreover, this is seen as a threat to the equality of women and men. Russia is devoid of such restrictions. However, there is a problem of relations between women and men in the office. Where is that shaky line between an office romance and a simple friendship? Does flirting affect performance in a team? Is it possible to work in the same office for the spouses? Each top manager has his own view of this problem.

Office Romance - Opinion 1

Irina Vasenina, President of the Progression Group:“I am always for vivid emotions, joyful communication, and I consider an office romance quite acceptable. It has a very good effect on performance in a team, especially among girls.

However, we have one rule: if an office romance has arisen between two people, then one must leave the company. After all, the development of personal relationships can influence the opinion of one of the parties, it is possible to exert pressure on the adoption of any decision. "

Office Romance - Opinion 2

Vera Samoilova, Head of the Marketing Department at NIKA MOTORS Holding:“I believe that they can regulate personal relationships between employees only as an excuse to fire someone.

In my opinion, any interference with a person's personal life is discrimination, because in this way his rights and freedoms are infringed. There is no such thing in our company. The only thing that interests us is whether a person copes with his duties. In our organization, there are families that arose from office romances. Our attitude to this is loyal, because it did not affect the work of each of the spouses. "

Office Romance - Opinion 3

Svetlana Kolosova, president of the Staraya Ploshchad consulting group:“We spend most of the day at work. That is why we must not forget about our gender.

A female leader must be stylish, emotional, interesting, feminine and attractive. She should not, because of her position, kill a woman in herself. I even admit a little crush on the part of male employees to my boss.

In my opinion, such a positive attitude towards a female leader has a very good effect on the effectiveness of work in a team. Thanks to feminine charm (but not coquetry!), You can be persuaded to dialogue or extinguish some conflicts, and professionalism will allow you to confirm the status of a leader and earn the respect of employees. In our company, there are no documents regulating relations in the team and office romances in particular.

Due to the high professionalism, each employee knows the permissible boundaries. Our professionals are implementing voluminous and complex projects, so distraction, even on a pleasant relationship, is unacceptable. Any mistake can be very costly for both the project and the company.

And flirting between employees, especially constant flirting, only wastes their creativity and strength in an unnecessary direction. Besides, an office romance gives rise to other colleagues reasons for discussing and condemning the personal lives of those who flirt.

As a consultant and leader, I would not recommend hiring a large number of unsettled, young or sexually preoccupied employees in the office who will try to resolve their personal issues in the workplace. In our company, the security service today checks people from this position as well ”.

Office Romance - Opinion 4

Marina Goldinberg, Marketing Director at Organic Corporation:“There is light flirting in our company, because without it it is psychologically impossible to exist. At a stressful moment of work or just on a difficult day, a cup of coffee or a compliment from a colleague will be pleasant and can change your mood to a positive one.

My opinion is that friendship (but not an office romance) has a positive effect on the interaction between a subordinate and a manager. Thanks to the presence of friendly relations, you can count on support in difficult times. And the presence of romance in the relationship of colleagues is quite often the cause of family scandals and manifestations of jealousy in the office. At the same time, our company considers it unethical to regulate personal relationships in a team.

In my opinion, the presence of family dynasties due to falling in love provides an opportunity for the stable development of the company. This feeling makes thinking creative and unconventional and increases the ability to work. But on one condition - that the spouses are not tied at work, because work issues are usually transferred to the kitchen, and household issues to work. "

Text - Anna Serebryakova