How to understand that it is time to divorce a husband or wife, and make a decision: signs of an imminent divorce and advice from a psychologist. How to survive a divorce with your husband: tips and typical mistakes
Divorce is always parting with a loved one or a once dear person. Some women come out of this painful situation with mental and mental trauma, while others suffer from physical illnesses. This is a test of strength and endurance. Those who are thinking about how to survive a divorce from their husband are already halfway to the gate to a new life. It is very important to accept yourself and come to terms with the fact that a new streak has begun in life. You should not go back to the old, you need to survive it. It is necessary to understand that the door is closed and will never open again. The separation must be completed. Do not be afraid to be alone and survive the tragedy with dignity.
Divorce is the collapse of plans for further life together, the loss of hope for the future and the loss of trust. And trust is what family relationships are based on. Often the reason for divorce is betrayal by the husband, his betrayal, which is difficult to survive and forgive. Women in such a traumatic situation face many issues that will have to be addressed in the future. If the divorce has not officially come, they are tormented by thoughts about how to maintain a marriage union with their husband, how to protect children from psychological trauma, how to continue living alone, how to behave with men and whether it is worth entering into a new relationship.
How the breakup goes depends only on the woman. You can survive a divorce with your husband with less loss for yourself. Having passed a difficult test, you will become stronger and better: the struggle for a new life will temper your character. Perhaps in the future you will thank your husband for leaving you.
Psychological stages of divorce
What does a woman who is in the position of a divorcee feel? It is interesting that psychologists compare the feelings of a woman after a divorce with the feelings experienced when a loved one is lost or died. But everything can be experienced.
First stage
At first, the psyche of women gives a defensive reaction. The brain is in a daze. So it is easier for the body to adapt to changes, to survive them. Others may take this state for indifference and indifference. But it's not.
Behind external composure hides deep stress and the inability to fully understand what is happening and survive the process of divorce from her husband. It is the body's natural defense against mental pain. That is why many women are so drawn to a divorce: by any means they try to avoid breaking off relations with their husbands. In the meantime, resentment, tears and distrust accumulate and accumulate.
A woman's denial of what is happening has the effect of anesthesia. The purpose of this psychological moment is to realize the loss of an important person in your life. Much later comes the understanding of the situation. A woman comes face to face with real events that have already happened, and nothing can change. It remains only to accept and experience them.
Second phase
Characterized by the manifestation of such feelings as resentment and anger. A woman will remember the events that led to the divorce, scroll through them in her memory and suffer. She will start looking for answers to many questions, trying to understand how this could happen. The feelings of anger and resentment that have arisen will be directly directed towards the ex-husband and those who are indirectly involved in this. For example, for a mistress, if there was one, for children, parents, girlfriends.
A woman will try with all her might to find the culprit in her troubles. It will seem to her that it is easier to survive the break with her husband. But this will not lead to anything good. On the contrary, experiencing feelings of anger, discontent, anger towards your close relatives, especially children who are definitely not to blame, can completely ruin your relationship with them. But in vain. Indeed, during this period, the support of relatives and friends is of great importance. Thanks to them, it will be easier for a woman to survive the process of divorce from her husband. The main thing is that relatives understand that her behavior is a protective reaction of the body. Accumulating resentment, being offended and looking for the guilty is much easier than seeing your helplessness.
Third stage
The next step is the test of guilt. A woman can convince herself that if her behavior had been different, then there might not have been a divorce. A woman will definitely find flaws in herself, she will scold herself for the wrong attitude towards her husband. In the end, he will make himself completely guilty of the breakup. This is true even in cases where the husband himself committed betrayal, left his wife and left.
There is no point in these thoughts and torments. It will not be easier to survive a divorce in this case. You can't turn back time. It is necessary to go further, to draw conclusions. At this stage, you can bring your condition to deplorable. Therefore, if the case becomes difficult, it is better to agree to the help of psychologists, listen to their advice and recommendations.
Fourth stage
This stage of divorce is no less difficult than the previous one. Stage - depression. Parting with her husband becomes so painful that the emotional pain from the experience can develop into physical. This is the normal state of a woman who has failed in family life. A natural reaction to the loss of a loved one that anyone can experience. But depression, stretching for years, requires the intervention of psychologists. At this point, the state may be different:
- some may cry all the time;
- others will outwardly behave calmly, but inwardly deeply experience parting.
During this period, the woman will try in every possible way to keep the connection between herself and her ex-husband. Perhaps it will prove love for him. By this behavior, she postpones the beginning of a new life, does not allow herself to recover and survive the separation from her husband.
Therefore, if you are at this stage of a divorce and express your emotions in the way described above, then this is considered absolutely normal. We must always remember that if depression is of a protracted nature, then you may not know how to become happy after a divorce for a long time. How to live and enjoy further? How to survive a divorce, despite the fact that your husband left you, having committed a betrayal?
Remember, when one door closes, another opens. The main thing is to survive and let go of the situation.
Fifth and final stage
Dear readers! Our articles talk about typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique. If you want to know how to solve your particular problem, please use the online consultant form on the right or call the free hotline:8 800 350-13-94 - Federal number
8 499 938-42-45 - Moscow and Moscow region.
8 812 425-64-57 - St. Petersburg and Leningrad region.
It is an emotional acceptance of loss. The woman gets better. She is trying to start a new life, survive and forget the divorce. Looking for advantages in parting with her husband. Being alone is not so scary. Its main goal is to recover from past negative emotions. The woman received valuable experience as a guide to action in the future.
Pregnancy and divorce
It is not easy to endure a divorce with a husband, but to survive it while pregnant is a hundred times more difficult. The woman will have to pull herself together and find ways to survive. The first thing to do is to forbid yourself to think about abortion. Human life is priceless. She cannot become the subject of revenge on her husband.
The child is not to blame for what happened. Moreover, abortion will not guarantee that it will become easier to survive the gap. Rather, on the contrary, it will lead directly to a prolonged depression, and you will regret your deed for a long time. You can't have an abortion. This must be remembered.
The child will change the life of a woman after a divorce. He will give her new meaning. It will help you get through what happened. Therefore, it is very important that all your actions during pregnancy are aimed at maintaining the health of the baby. You must act in the best interests of the child. A divorce will pass, but you will not be left alone, your child will become the answer to the question of how to survive a divorce during pregnancy. Treat it like a precious gift.
But this is all theory, practice is important. What to do to get through this difficult moment:
- accept help from loved ones, their advice. It is imperative to find someone who will listen and give practical advice on how to survive a divorce. It will be easier if someone hears you;
- do not stay alone in the apartment, do not withdraw into yourself. If you have a hobby, take it up. If you don't know how to sew, knit or crochet, this is a great time to learn how to do it. Make time for fun and positive activities.
- learn all available information about childbirth, advice on caring for a newborn, read books on child psychology. This will distract from unnecessary thoughts about divorce and husband, and will simply be a useful pastime;
- you should not always turn to the past, remember betrayal. The past is the past. Tune in to the fact that only good things await you ahead. Thoughts are material.
Imagine how you will live with your baby, how you will spend time. So he took the first step, said the first word "mom". These moments are wonderful. They will definitely come true in your life. Tests are given so that we can adequately survive them.
Quick marriage after divorce
It seems to many women that a new romance will save them from loneliness, it will become easier for them in a new relationship, this is the so-called ambulance after a divorce from her husband. The depression will go away. Time will be busy. It will not be necessary to stay alone in the apartment for a long time. Women hope that with a new man it will be easier to go through the process of divorce from her husband. But this approach is wrong. You should not make a new mistake when the old one has not yet been overcome and let go. A new relationship will not come to the rescue and will not help you easily forget your ex-husband.
Women tend to quickly enter into a new relationship when their husband left them, went to his mistress, committed a betrayal. They want to annoy their ex-husband more than to build a family and survive a divorce. To start life anew, it is not necessary to immediately attract a partner. We must wait until the depression goes away, the state of mind stabilizes.
If you plunge headlong into a new romance, you will constantly compare your partner with your ex-husband. You don't need to do this. Yes, and comparisons may not be in favor of new relationships.
"Therapy" with alcohol
No one has yet been able to survive the process of divorce with her husband easily and painlessly - this is understandable. You are not the only one who has experienced similar feelings of loss and disappointment. Left alone in an apartment, you will not find help in alcohol. With alcohol it will not become easier, but it will only make it worse to survive what is happening.
Alcohol will not be the answer to the question of how to forget your husband after a divorce and live happily ever after. If the state of depression has not passed, then it will not help you behave with dignity, but will only aggravate the situation.
Euphoria after taking a large dose of alcohol quickly passes. The next morning, the same feelings that were before will return. They return not alone, but with a hangover. Further it will be worse. Psychological trauma will increase, and the help of psychologists will be needed. Jokes with alcohol are bad. You can sleep, become an alcoholic. Nobody is immune from this. Then you won’t get a new life, you will have to be treated for alcoholism.
Start of a new life
An ex-spouse after a divorce is associated with the word betrayal. He left you. You have suffered the betrayal of a loved one. You were assisted by a psychologist. You certainly have a psychological trauma - a not very joyful reason to take steps and start building your life alone. But you can’t close yourself off from everyone in the apartment and continue to blame yourself for past mistakes.
Life does not stand still. She changes and you change with her. You can’t dwell on the past, otherwise you may not know how to become happy after a divorce from your husband to the fullest.
In all the events that happen to you, you need to look for positive aspects. Interesting hobbies and hobbies, watching movies, reading books will help to recover. Over time, it will become easier, depression will go away. Everything will not be painless, but life goes on after a divorce from her husband. Accept the help of loved ones, listen to their advice.
You should not sit all day long in an apartment alone: again and again relive your husband's betrayal. Go out into the street to people, do not withdraw into yourself, communicate and enjoy communication. And you will be able to survive the divorce!
You may want to return your other half after listening to incompetent advice. And this despite the insults caused to you, betrayal, betrayal, humiliation, and, maybe, beatings. You think when you love, you forgive everything easily, even cheating on your husband. Emotions speak in you, you don’t need to follow their lead. Try to bide your time. Wait six months. You will see, this desire will pass.
It is important not to sit idle: start repairs in the apartment, rearrange. Or maybe you will find yourself in charity, you will help orphanages. Mercy will help to recover and survive the betrayal of her husband.
Women should take care of themselves in this free time. Improve your appearance or change it. It can lose weight, recolor hair color, change the image - this must be done. External changes lead to internal changes. Your transformation will be appreciated by others. And raising the level of self-esteem is a very important argument in order to adequately survive the gap.
Do not tell all the neighbors who know that depression covered you, about your husband's betrayal, how hard it is for you, how he left you. They will pity you, console you. You don't need pity. It will not make it easier to survive a divorce. You need support, help, advice that will direct the flow of your thoughts in the right direction.
It will be easy to survive the betrayal of your husband if you delete this person from your life once and for all. Remember: everything will come, but not immediately, time must pass, it is the best medicine in such cases.
Attention! Due to recent changes in legislation, the legal information in this article may be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write a question in the form below:
When relationships cease to suit, for many it is not easy to understand how to decide to file for divorce from her husband and whether it is worth doing it at all. In an effort to get a quick and correct ready-made answer, the desire to ask all the acquaintances should be postponed, because they do not know the full situation or do not live the family life that you want.
Understanding the futility of directive advice from a philistine household level will not give favorable results, since you will be told from the standpoint of your values and life situations that differ from specific moments.
When there are no common points of contact, and there are no more connecting domestic and legal issues, then thoughts do not take much time, but when you are looking for support in your choice, constantly weighing the situation and rushing between different options, it makes sense to take a break.
You should give yourself a certain period of time when a mature decision will be made, and not succumb to a flash of temporary or resentment. Definitely, you cannot get divorced in a state of heightened emotionality, out of a desire for revenge or in an attempt to prove something - this way you can only aggravate your further experiences, regret what you have done when the paths back are cut off. If possible, leave the city or live in a rented apartment, in a hotel, with friends. It is necessary to stabilize emotions and suddenly it turns out that in a couple of days of your own silence you are bored and do not want to lose this person.
Imagine a situation without a divorce and realistically assess your chances of being in these conditions (a day, a month, five years), whether they are really that terrible or you just want an emotional shake-up. Make a list of all complaints and consider whether there are opportunities to change the situation or your attitude. In difficult family systems, where there is a place for violence of any kind or dependence of one of the partners, leaving is a psychologically difficult step, because the woman was in a toxic relationship and her mental resources were depleted.
For many, it is relevant how to decide on a divorce from an alcoholic husband or. At the same time, all logical and objective facts will speak of the need for the speed of radical measures, but co-dependence can hold stronger than the instinct of self-preservation. It is better to consult a psychotherapist or visit the appropriate support groups.
It is worth assessing the possible future, but also the material side of what is happening - the availability of housing and the division of property, the restructuring of common work, the adjustment of meetings and relationships with children. Many moments from this area, with their unbearableness, force women to stay, endure beatings or constant betrayal. Here you can recommend getting legal advice, as well as advice and assistance from various organizations involved in the direct support of women who find themselves in such an impasse.
Deciding to divorce if you have children can also be extremely difficult because of the desire to maintain a full-fledged family, but with any acting talents of the parents, the child still sees very clearly and feels even more clearly that the situation is unnatural. A divorced family, where each parent is happy separately, will contribute more to the formation of a healthy personality than two suffering creatures holding together with their last strength.
Signs it's time for a divorce
Crisis moments are the norm, regardless of the duration, semantic content of relationships and their official registration. But the crisis cannot be considered a reason for divorce in any way - it is rather a transitional transformational period, after which a new life begins and a new recognition of each other. To understand that this is not a crisis, but the end of a relationship, you can ask yourself a few questions regarding a joint future and how much your vision matches. If you want different things, set radically opposite priorities (for example, a man wants a child, and a woman wants to travel the world), then it’s hardly worth wasting each other’s time.
There are a number of valid and absolute reasons for divorce, including a mental or physical threat. What is important here is not the difference in perception or goal-setting, as well as coldness in emotional manifestation, but the fact that the situation can end badly in a psychiatric hospital, traumatology or even a morgue. The first is, implying beatings, ill-treatment, intimate harassment, threats to life and health. That is, even when a husband can leave you without food, closed in an apartment or simply swung, but has not hit yet - these are already those signals when you need to pack while you have the strength to leave.
Any type of addiction is in second place in terms of the danger of being close to a person. It is customary in our society to endure alcoholics, treat drug addicts, and gamers are treated as quite ordinary people. However, all types of addiction destroy the identity of the user, which can subsequently lead to the emergence of cruelty. In addition, a woman's own psyche is changing, the criteria for the norm are gradually blurred, and as a result, she also becomes in need of psychological rehabilitation.
Parasitism and lack of work and the desire to help the family, as well as to take full responsibility for its well-being and safety, deprive of reliability. Pair unions provide for protection and support, but when a partner simply lives on female energy and solves all his needs at her expense, then these are signs that it is time to get divorced.
The result of such relationships is almost always the same - having completely exhausted herself, the woman can no longer pull everything alone, and then the man leaves in search of another resource. If the result is still about parting, then it is better to leave with full vital resources and the opportunity to build a new life, and not remain de-energized.
Insults and humiliation, especially in public, are not just words, but emotional abuse that destroys a woman's self-esteem and self-identification. A tyrant with sadistic inclinations is always happy to joke about a sore subject, prick in the most open place. Cheating can also be counted here, as the most striking disrespect, and indeed, why maintain such a relationship. But this moment is very problematic for psychological study, because in the mentality of the post-war years it has still been deposited that there are not enough men and living in several families or with an alcoholic is better than living alone. But if your grandmother endured such an attitude, then you should endure it. Now times have changed, and there are all opportunities to live independently and happily.
When your marriage is held for the sake of children or to avoid judgment or frustration of relatives (an old grandmother will definitely not survive this), if you are increasingly creating the appearance of a happy family, then it is worth getting a divorce. When a woman’s whole body tenses up from the presence of her husband in the room, and then she runs with relief to another, then this option is no better than his betrayal, only now you yourself are stealing opportunities for happiness from yourself.
Take a closer look at your marriage, evaluate the amount of personal interaction and warmth in it, perhaps you have been living in a student hostel for several years now. Yes, you have one territory where you meet, but there are no joint dinners, and vacations at different times.
When you notice that you have more interest, and awareness about the life of your colleague than your spouse, and intimacy disappeared a few years ago, then everything is bad. The intimate part is the most striking marker of a relationship. Where there is hope, people will swear, slam doors, look at each other like unknown animals, but at night they will be full of passion. And vice versa, even if the external picture is ideal and respectful, but there is no physical attraction, and coldness or even disgust comes in its place, then there is nothing to save and it is better to stop creating the appearance.
When the understanding comes that a divorce from her husband is necessary, then the next moment is the search for strength and determination to leave. The lack of a firm position, constant anxiety, and sometimes quite tangible fear are usually dictated not so much by the remaining feelings and the hope of correcting something, but by the fear of change. A new life requires many new decisions, adaptations, energy and confrontation with those questions of reality that may not have existed in your life before.
In order to have more determination, you need to draw yourself a plan of desires for ending the relationship. You can go nowhere only at the limit and in a situation of life danger, but if the relationship is not critical for life security, then it is worth spending time to realize what you want in a new life. This applies to both the place of residence and the format of new relationships (or the absence of a temporary or total one).
Perhaps, there will be a question of change of work and the general direction of activity. For women, the actual moment is her own appearance and the image that used to be with her. Having formed a detailed plan for the desired life, it is necessary to move on to strategic planning, that is, a real assessment of existing assets and ways to achieve the desired. There are things you can do during the application process, such as changing your style and looking for a new home. Other issues take time to resolve - if you have never worked and now need money or a common business may require sharing not only the financial part, but also the efforts invested.
After the inner plan is ready, it is worth preparing for a conversation with your husband. Here, too, everything should be well thought out, to assess the degree of his affective reaction. If you are leaving a jealous person, then it is recommended that the conversation be held on neutral territory in order to avoid physical damage or home imprisonment. When leaving a person who is psychologically dependent on you, get ready for moral blackmail (it’s better to play it safe with friends) in case of suicidal attempts. Not all situations you can control and solve on your own, so when passions heat up, immediately call the police or the first responder.
If your husband is an adequate person, and you are leaving just because there are no passions between you, then you can discuss everything at home by choosing a free evening and it is better that there are weekends ahead to solve the task. In a conversation, you need to indicate your decision, indicate the reasons for your choice (this is a necessary step to complete the relationship) and offer to jointly resolve all legal and material issues.
A separate difficult moment is talking with children, which women are usually afraid of even more than with their spouse. You should not lie to the child that everything between you is good and that this is only temporary. In mild language, together with your husband, tell that you are separating, be sure to emphasize that the baby is not to blame and remains loved by both of you. It is important for the baby to understand how his life will be built now, so the conversation must be built after both spouses have imagined options for the future - it is this new way of life that needs to be described to the child so that he understands where he will live, with whom, how often he will see the other parent. You can talk with those who support you totally, and even better, who are able to help with actions or help with practical experience.
Legal Consequences
After the decision is discussed, the legal side begins. A marriage entered into by the state is terminated only in the registry office, it’s just not possible to disperse, because officially you remain one. If these relationships do not suit only the woman, then the man may try to maintain the formality of marriage for various reasons and refuse voluntary dissolution. 
You should not be afraid, termination is possible by force, and even without the presence of your husband - you will be divorced by the relevant authorities solely on the basis of your application. The only thing is that it will take more time and nerves.
In the process, the division of property takes place, which occurs on the basis of the documents of the concluded marriage agreement or according to the articles regulated by law. The issue of alimony can also be raised in court, but by mutual agreement of the parties, this can not be done - this is suitable if the woman is well-to-do and does not want to depend on her ex-husband in any way, reducing the number of contacts and obligations. But in many situations, lawyers recommend opening this issue in order to receive material support in the first adaptation period. According to the law, alimony can be collected, being a financially and physically dependent person who is on the support of her husband for the entire period of marriage, a woman has the right to payments for her personal needs and maintenance.
Legal property relations after the divorce proceedings are terminated and from that moment all achievements and obligations, except for those established by the court (alimony or the framework governing communication) cease. Neither the ex-husband nor the wife can no longer demand help, support or compensation from the other.
The issue of changing the surname is regulated separately if, when registering a marriage, a woman took her husband's surname. This question remains at the personal discretion of the woman, but it is worth considering the need to change all documents when returning to her maiden name or choosing another one.
Negotiations through the courts are not always successful, involve long periods of waiting, when the spouses are given time to think about their decisions. That is why it makes sense to decide everything individually, with registration from private lawyers. Going to compromise solutions, as a result, you can get more important acquisitions than houses, stocks and slow cookers - saved nerves and peace of mind.
Surviving a divorce from her husband without consequences for mental health - this is how a woman should be set up when parting. Negative, painful emotions for the first time after a breakup are a natural reaction of a person in connection with the loss of someone else you love. Divorce of spouses is not a global tragedy. You can and should survive it. The most important thing is to know how to act, believe in yourself and your strengths, and remember that this is a chance for a new, happier life.
Leave, you can't stay
Love is a wonderful feeling, but it often happens that the further life together of spouses who previously loved each other seems impossible. The initiator of the divorce can be both spouses, or maybe one of them. Most often, men leave the family. There can be many reasons for doing this. Most often, this is a new love in the face of another woman or simply a desire to gain freedom.
Women can also end family relationships, but they do it less often than the stronger sex. Following the advice of psychologists, you can survive difficult times and restore emotional balance faster. It is worth analyzing the reasons for the divorce, drawing conclusions and drawing up a plan for further action.
How to survive cheating husband
Painless divorce most often does not work. If it becomes clear that without outside help it is impossible to cope with all the difficulties associated with divorce, a woman should contact a psychologist. The specialist will help her look at the situation in a new way, "from a different angle." The advice of a psychologist will allow you to quickly survive a difficult stage and properly tune in to the future.
To get rid of negative thoughts and experiences and take the first step towards emotional recovery, you can now follow some recommendations from professionals.
This advice may seem inappropriate to many. It's hard to forgive someone who betrayed you. Resentment and pain in this case completely take over the mind of a woman and can last for years. But it is important to make an effort on yourself. The representatives of the weaker sex, who managed to forgive their ex-husband, recover much faster after parting, find new love and create new families than those ladies who have been holding evil and resentment against their former partner for years.
2. Get rid of negativity. You don't have to be afraid of loneliness. It is simply necessary in the first time after a divorce. This respite is needed in order to recover, understand the reasons for what happened, get rid of negative experiences and calm down.
If it’s really hard, you can turn to a close friend, to your mother. A woman in this situation should be supported by a person whom she absolutely trusts. It is necessary to release the negative outside, to process your negative emotions.
3. Communicate with people. In this not the easiest period of life, a woman should not lock herself within the walls of a house or apartment, limit communication with people. On the contrary, no matter how hard it is, you should try to make contact with friends and relatives. This will allow at least for the time of communication to distract from their problems and experiences, to prevent the manifestation of signs of depression.
You can go to the cinema, theater, cafe or restaurant, just to visit close friends. If time and finances allow, it is advisable to go with the company out of town or to the sea, arrange a joint photo session. Positive emotions received from such events will favorably affect the mental and emotional state of a woman. It is important to understand that divorce is not the end of life, but in most cases it is a new, happier stage.
4. Don't take revenge. Many women after a divorce set a goal - to take revenge on their ex-husband. But this is not the best way out of the conflict, besides, in a fit of emotions, a woman can overdo it and provoke a situation with unpleasant consequences for herself. It is better to remember all the good things that happened during the time spent with a man, and be grateful for it.
5. Tune in to a new relationship. Experiencing a difficult period, a woman should not inspire herself that happiness and love in her personal life will never happen again. After a painful breakup with her husband, many ladies refuse to start a new relationship for years, fearing history will repeat itself. They simply avoid all communication with men. But just because one doesn't work out doesn't mean it won't work out with the others. All men are different. There will always be someone who will be the perfect life partner. It's just a matter of time.
But do not rush to the other extreme and start a new relationship immediately after a divorce. As a rule, this does not lead to anything good. A new acquaintance may end in a fleeting romance, and in the end it will lead to even greater disappointment and pain. Light flirting with other men will make you feel attractive to the opposite sex again, but you should not get carried away with it. A new man will help you forget your ex-husband for a short time, but this is not a panacea, but only a “pain pill”.
6. Wait time. As you know, this is the best doctor. After a few months, the pain will subside, and the resentment against the ex-husband will disappear. It will not be so painful to remember past relationships. There will come an understanding that everything that happened is only for the better.
That is why psychologists advise not to rush to start a new romance. It is possible to build a truly harmonious relationship only when a woman has found emotional balance. On average, this takes about six months.
7. Do not drown out emotions. Sometimes a woman tries to get rid of bad thoughts and hard memories by throwing herself into work. It will not help to experience emotions qualitatively, but you can easily ruin your health and completely shake your psyche in this way.
This applies not only to work, but also to food, entertainment and other ways in which a woman tries to distract herself. You need to try to take a bold step and go into your pain to the end: cry, grieve, and not repeat to everyone around that the ex-husband is not worthy of tears. This is the only way to heal and get through a difficult stage qualitatively.
Children and parents' divorce
If there are children in the family, everything possible must be done to ensure that the divorce does not affect their psyche. It is necessary to try so that hard times affect the son or daughter to the least extent.
Here are some tips:
- 1. If the child is already old enough, you can try to explain to him the reasons for the divorce. Make it clear that mom and dad will no longer live together, but they love him the same way as before. The child should be spoken to as an equal, as with an adult.
- 2. It is not necessary to forbid the communication of children with their father. They should feel the love and care of both parents. Joint meetings of the father and children are needed so that in the future the latter do not feel guilty about the divorce.
- 3. One should not use a child as a means of keeping or returning a husband or insisting that without a father it is impossible to raise happy children. An inferior family is much better than a house in which scandals constantly occur.
Husband is a tyrant
To make the difficult stage of life as soon as possible in the past, a woman can do the following:
- Change image. A new hairstyle, clothes, make-up will give a woman self-confidence, improve her mood and self-esteem. Divorce time is the right time to take care of yourself. Take care of yourself during this period more than ever.
- To have a pet. A family without children can be sad and lonely. There is a way out - to get a cat, dog, parrot or any other pet. In addition, it can help a woman expand her circle of acquaintances, for example, join a local dog club or chat on thematic forums.
- Workout. Divorce is the right time to join a gym, improve your health and work on your body.
- Go on a trip. New positive emotions will help you survive the breakup. While at the resort, you can safely flirt with men, increasing confidence in your attractiveness.
- Throw away unwanted or old items. It is especially important to get rid of items that remind you of your ex-husband. If the hand does not rise to throw away valuable or memorabilia, it is enough to put them in a place where they will not be seen.
- Make repairs in the apartment. You can radically change the situation so as not to face every day with a reminder of a past life.
- Get a new job. After a divorce, it is important for a woman to stand firmly on her feet and be able to provide for herself. This is the best time to reflect on your career.
Conclusion
After a divorce, absolutely everything changes in a woman’s life, and this is a huge blow to her psyche. There is no one else to wait from work, no one to spend joint weekends and family holidays with. The environment is also changing. Often, mutual friends disappear with the husband. Relatives and acquaintances ask many painful questions.
During this period, it is important to understand that a new life has come, to which you need to get used to and accept it as it is. Before building new relationships, it is necessary to change internally: try to understand what was wrong in marriage, what reasons led to the divorce. Responsibility always lies with both spouses. By analyzing past mistakes, you can prevent similar situations in the future and become wiser.
And some secrets...
The story of one of our readers Irina Volodina:
I was especially depressed by the eyes, surrounded by large wrinkles, plus dark circles and swelling. How to remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes completely? How to deal with swelling and redness?But nothing ages or rejuvenates a person like his eyes.
But how do you rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? Learned - not less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid peeling, radiolifting, laser facelift? A little more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when to find the time for all this? Yes, it's still expensive. Especially now. So for myself I chose a different way ...
In the life of any married couple, sooner or later there comes a difficult period when the relationship begins to break down. The former passion goes out, love disappears, and the spouses begin to quarrel more often. Once, standing in front of the altar, they swore eternal love to each other, but now they cannot be near. But how do you know if it's time to get a divorce, or is there just a temporary crisis in your married life? Collapsing relationships are evidence that it's time to think about divorce. However, you should not rush into making a decision, because if you hurry, you can make a mistake.
How to understand yourself and understand that it's time to leave
Quarrels and omissions are not always a signal that you need to get divorced. There are no people in the world who would not have problems in relations with their soulmate in marriage. All families face challenges. Some couples go through a relationship crisis, while others decide to divorce.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, then ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you really need to break the bonds of marriage or just a black streak has come in life:
- “Do I want a child to be born in our family?” Any woman who loves her husband wants children from him. This is true for men as well. If you do not want to have children, then there is an unloved person next to you. In such a situation, divorce is the right solution.
- “How will my life change if I part with my spouse (husband)?” As you ask yourself this question, imagine that you have decided on a divorce and finally found the freedom you dreamed of. Did you feel relieved, or do you regret what you did?
- “Do I want to live with my husband (wife) all my life?” Now imagine yourself and your soulmate after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Do you really want to be close to this person and meet old age with him?
How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Husband
For many women, divorce is an extremely painful situation. Not everyone can decide on such a responsible step. Some women are afraid of loneliness, the second think that they cannot cope with raising children and cannot do without the financial support of their husband, and still others still experience some feelings, despite the fact that their life has become a nightmare.
Breaking up with your spouse is worth it if there are good reasons for this. Sometimes divorce is the only way for a woman to maintain her psychological and physical health. So, good reasons for parting are:
- causeless cruelty on the part of a man, physical violence;
- unwillingness of the husband to work and provide for the family;
- the presence of drug or alcohol addiction in a man;
- disrespectful attitude towards the spouse (constant insults to the woman, humiliation);
- cheating husband.
If you have one of the above reasons for a divorce, then do not put off the matter indefinitely. Don't try to change your spouse. You are just wasting your time. Better get divorced quickly and start life from scratch. You will certainly meet such a person who will appreciate, respect, love you and will do everything to make you happy.
How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Once Beloved Wife
Many people think that love does not pass for the fair sex. They are more committed to their partner. However, women can fall out of love. You should think about a divorce if the wife has changed far from the better:
- she has ceased to please with delicious dishes, does not try to look attractive, dresses up only for walks and meetings with friends that she does not invite you to;
- she has no desire to talk to you, she does not call you at work, does not send SMS messages and is no longer interested in your affairs;
- the slightest fault on your part causes her a storm of negative emotions, when talking with you, she becomes simply unbearable.
Pushes for divorce and coldness on the part of a woman in sexual relations. If the spouse sleeps separately in another room, then this may be a sign of fading love and a collapsing relationship. However, in such cases, it is not worth rushing into a divorce. You need to talk to your wife, because she may have some problems that she hides from you.
Universal signs that it's time to file for divorce
If you and your spouse have been living for many years, constantly arguing over various trifles, do not find a common language, then think about parting. Take a look at your relationships. You will surely notice the signs that it is time to divorce:
- your love has long faded away, and you tolerate each other only for the sake of children;
- you do not get divorced because you are afraid of condemnation and reproaches from relatives, friends and acquaintances;
- you lost common interests, you began to communicate less with each other;
- you do nothing for the family, spend personal money only for your own needs.
When deciding on a divorce, listen to your inner voice, sort out your feelings. If you feel empty in your heart and you don’t see yourself next to your spouse (wife) in the future, then this means that it’s time to leave. This decision will benefit both of you.
A few more tips from a psychologist:
Divorce is a small death. Loud words? Not at all. Psychologists believe that suffering after the breakup of a long-term relationship is similar to experiencing the death of a loved one. Death is always followed by birth, and this is an immutable law of the universe.
How to survive a divorce with your husband? The advice of psychologists will prompt and help you, because there can be no easy ways and simple answers to this question. Our experts will help you figure out what happens between divorce and the start of a new life, and how a woman can overcome this path.
Divorce is like amputation: you stay alive, but there are fewer of you.
Margaret Atwood
Condition of a woman after divorce
A person who has suffered a serious loss experiences great mental pain, in which the strongest emotions are mixed: hatred, love, shame, guilt, resentment, a thirst for revenge.Habitual life is destroyed, fear of loneliness creeps into the soul, remorse and a frantic desire to return everything back, crawl back into your shaky and uncomfortable, but such a familiar and understandable world.
On the verge of divorce, a woman is overcome by fears and doubts. How to survive loneliness? How to raise children? What to live on? How to explain the reasons for breaking up to friends?
A society in which more than half of all registered marriages end in divorce (probably even higher for informal marriages) is sympathetic to divorced men, but takes a cruel stance towards divorced women.
If a man returns to the status of a “bachelor”, then the woman is labeled as “abandoned”, “divorced”. Many experience incredible pangs of shame at the thought that sooner or later neighbors, relatives and colleagues will find out about a divorce.
Women who married early, from the parent, are not used to taking responsibility and do not know how to make decisions. After a divorce, their situation changes, they have to build a new, now independent life. If a woman did not work, she is forced to start a career from scratch at a not very young age.
Former wives of wealthy husbands are afraid of poverty. And even if a woman is quite successful, the need to perform unusual functions falls on her - pay bills, go shopping, repair equipment.
Many couples, after many years of marriage, have the feeling that they are a single whole. Often, from a person experiencing a breakup, one can hear such definitions of their condition: “as if a leg was cut off” or “like a heart was torn out of the chest.” Psychologists call this fusion.
To restore her integrity, such a woman needs to psychologically separate herself from her husband, family, and even children. This is a painful process in which you have to reshape all the prevailing ideas about yourself and your role in life.
Divorce is a sad event, but life does not end there. Treat it like a serious, but completely curable disease. Recovery will be long and difficult, with periods of exacerbations and remissions, but it will definitely happen!
Proper handling of grief
In order to survive grief, you need to live it. All severe stressful situations associated with loss, whether it be the breakup of a relationship, death, loss of a job or fortune, are experienced in more or less the same scenario.Psychologists distinguish several stages of experiencing loss, and the most important task is to consistently go through each stage without skipping or getting stuck on any of them.
The experience of grief is an individual process, and it is impossible to accurately indicate the time frame that will be required to pass one or another stage. The greater the shock, the harder and longer the process will go. In the case of a divorce, we can say that all stages should be completed in a maximum of a year.
There are several scientific concepts of experiencing loss, but they all have much in common and can be conditionally combined into five stages. Let's dwell on each of them in detail.
1. Shock and denial
Have you ever been severely injured or burned? At the first moment, you probably didn’t feel anything, and only after a couple of moments a severe pain began. It's about the same here.Consciousness defends itself and refuses to believe in what happened, and a person lives for some time in an illusory world where everything is still the same.
The leading emotion at this stage is the fear of the inevitability of loss.
Now you need to find those resources that will help to cope with the fear of loss. Tactful and unobtrusive support and care of others is important. But the most resourceful is self-support and self-care.
There are fairly simple exercises that will help you find the source of strength in yourself for the correct experience of the stages of mourning. At the stage of denial, such an exercise can be a written answer to the question "How will I live without a husband."
2. Anger and resentment
If the correct resources for her living were found at the previous stage, and she ended, the next stage begins. It is about trying to change the situation. Anger provokes active actions, and in this case, this energy is directed in search of the guilty one. The object can be not only the ex-husband or rival, but close people and the survivor herself.Women often get stuck at this stage because our culture has an unspoken taboo against anger ("good girls don't get mad").
To move on, it is very important to learn to recognize your anger and express it correctly. This, of course, does not mean that you need to throw your fists at your ex-spouse. While you are in a state of passion, you should not do anything at all. Wait for the flash to pass. But do not leave anger and anger within yourself. Release them outside. If you want to scream, scream. Break the glasses. Sob. Speak out your feelings in private, tell your friend, mom about them, “give them back” to the one who caused them.
In order to self-help, you can do a written analysis of the situation. The exercise consists in a detailed description of your negative emotions, what you don’t like in the current situation, what caused anger and why.
3. Compromise, or stage of guilt
At this stage, the desire usually comes to find and correct errors. It was at this time that women make attempts at any cost to return their spouse, humiliate themselves, blame themselves for everything and promise to improve.Be careful not to fall into self-blame. To do this, it is important to separate the concepts of "responsibility" and "guilt". Responsibility lies in accepting and correcting your mistakes, and guilt lies in self-punishment.
At this stage, be especially attentive to your surroundings - tormented by feelings of guilt, women tend to fall under the influence of others, into sects, and turn to religion.
Correctly living through the stage will help to work on mistakes in writing (what you didn’t like about your behavior, how to fix it) and a letter to yourself with forgiveness of your mistakes and conclusions for the future.
4. Depression
The most difficult and longest period, when suffering reaches its highest point. This is due to the fact that at this stage there is a complete awareness of the loss, which means that it becomes necessary to break emotional ties with the former spouse.Surviving means accepting this gap, “letting go” of a once close person.
To avoid getting stuck at this stage, make a list of all the benefits of married life with your ex-husband. Then write a letter in which you remember the positive moments and thank him for all the good things that happened in your life together (you do not need to send a letter to the addressee).
5. Acceptance
At this stage, the restoration of the person takes place. It becomes clear how to live without a husband, what resources for personal growth are available. A new life begins.When it comes to understanding that as a result of a divorce, the conditions for further development have developed and new opportunities have opened up, you can consider that the experience of grief is over.
Of course, such deep wounds cannot disappear without a trace. There will always be a deep scar on the heart. But it is in your power to make it a symbol of victory over circumstances, because you have gained invaluable experience and learned to turn failures into a resource for development.
What NOT to do after a divorce
Being in a traumatic situation, a person does not control himself and often commits rash acts. What typical mistakes do women make after a divorce from their husband, and what do you need to keep yourself from?1. Trying to win back a departed husband
Even if it works out, the “honeymoon” will end sooner or later (more often - early) and will indeed turn out to be as unsightly as before. Remember the hackneyed expression “glue a broken vase together”?This also includes all attempts to keep the husband in the family, tying him to children or manipulating the disease. In the first case, you play with the emerging child's psyche, in the second - with your own health, since imaginary illnesses tend to become real.
2. Start a new relationship right away
A woman after a divorce, especially if her husband left for another, feels inferior. It becomes important to prove to the former, others and especially to oneself one’s female attractiveness. The result is casual connections, after which there is a feeling of dirty hands and deceived expectations.Many rush to the other extreme and rush into a new relationship with the firm intention of correcting all mistakes. In fact, without having time to realize what happened in a short time and recover, a woman pulls the old model of relationships into a new marriage, and with it all the old grievances, unresolved problems.
Psychologists generally do not advise entering into a serious relationship earlier than a year after breaking up with a previous partner.
3. Suppress your negative feelings
Often, men after a divorce do not behave in the best way. Ex-wives often do not dare to express negative feelings towards their spouse, for fear of incurring his discontent and losing their last hope for his return. What is the result? A husband who did not think about reuniting with his former family, seeing the obedience of his ex-wife, begins to use his impunity. Here there are property claims, refusal of obligations, sometimes moral or physical bullying.4. Involve children in a relationship with an ex-husband
Children experience the divorce of mom and dad almost more than the parents themselves. Often they blame themselves for it. These are the characteristics of the child's psyche. During the period of parting, parents often do not care about children, and they feel abandoned and unnecessary. Add age crises here, and your experiences will seem like a trifle compared to what is going on in a little person's soul. Children are not friends and girlfriends, do not impose on them the role of confidants of your secrets. By making a vest out of a child, you shift the burden of your responsibility onto him.
Refrain from manipulating your child and do not resort to blackmail, no matter how tempting it may be to pull those strings.
The behavior of parents in the family and with each other forms in children a model of their future relationship with the opposite sex:
- Do not insult your husband in front of your children and do not speak ill of him.
- Dad should remain the strongest and most courageous in the world in the child's imagination, even if this is not true. When the baby grows up, he himself will draw the appropriate conclusions.
5. Live in the past
Leave the past alone. It can't be returned. Women tend to idealize past relationships, and memory helpfully erases negative events. If a lot of time has passed since the breakup, and you are still going through wedding photos or, on the contrary, delving into old grievances, this is a reason to sound the alarm.Don't take revenge. Let go of resentment, even if you cannot forgive. It will come when the pain subsides. Try to live now. Don't let the past be your present, otherwise you won't have a future.
Council number 2. Keep contacts to a minimum as much as possible
Do not hang out on social networks on the page of your ex, remove his photos, gifts and memorabilia from your eyes. Perhaps, when the pain subsides, you will be able to communicate normally and even make friends with new families. But now, take pity on yourself and do not open a fresh wound. Tears give an excellent emotional release.Divorces...
If people at some point stopped getting along with each other, divorce is the right way out.
But first you need to try to do everything possible to save love.
Adriano Celentano
Note that it is to empathize - not to comfort, not to cheer up, not to give advice (all this is necessary, but a little later). Cry with you, hug, hold your hand, be silent.
Take care of yourself and your body. No matter how much you would like to lie down all day, curled up under a blanket, you should not neglect hygiene and nutrition. Try to catch your slightest desire and do not deny yourself anything.Take a walk in a beautiful place, have lunch in a good restaurant, buy some shoes. Pleasant relaxing procedures - a bath, massage, a hot bath - perfectly help. Excellent relaxation gives physical activity: sports, hiking, general cleaning. But don't force anything.
Meditation is the most effective way to stop the flow of obsessive thoughts and give rest to the overloaded mind of a soul tormented by emotions. Learn to distinguish between emotions, explore your feelings. Remember that when you watch your emotion, its effect weakens. Study your reactions to what is happening. Try to understand what exactly triggers difficult experiences. Concentrate on the good, be aware of your desires. Do what you love, form your circle of friends. Develop. In marriage, women often “lose” themselves and begin to live the life of their husband, pushing their interests into the background, especially when it comes to dependent relationships. Love your loneliness - this is a good period to understand yourself and finally understand what you want. Many women after a divorce have a second wind, and they achieve success in business or creativity.
Video: How to survive a divorce from your beloved husband
Conclusion
On the Internet, you can find many recipes and answers to the question of how to survive a divorce from your husband: advice from psychologists, the experience of those who have suffered a breakup with a loved one, literature on the topic of relationships. Of course, the most effective will be to contact a professional psychologist who will help you go through this difficult path with the least loss.Strength will be needed at the next stage of life, when an important question will arise before you: how to build new relationships and finally find well-deserved happiness.