Preparations 

Why shouldn't children be punched in the face? What happens if a child was beaten as a child? Beating a child in the ass consequences

In the United States conducted a large-scale study of who and under what circumstances beats children

The psychology of a slap

Word " discipline" comes from a single-root word discipline, signifier learn, teach . However, most American parents believe that this concept also involves the use of corporal punishment or spanking:

  • “Bashing upsets me more than you”

Corporal punishment is defined as "the use of physical force to teach the child the experience of pain, but not of bodily injury, to correct or control the child's behavior."

Some parents choose to use physical punishment as a discipline for the following reasons:

  • “When I was a child, I was beaten, and I grew up normal!”
  • "I'd rather spank them than get beaten up by the police later!"

But is it? What are the effects of corporal punishment on a child? We've done research to find out if spanking actually hurts you more than them.

Public opinion in 2012

Across the country, in every state, parents retain the legal right to hit their children as long as the abuse remains "within reasonable limits" - "reasonable limits" are determined by the court on a case-by-case basis.

The statistics show who agrees that children sometimes need a “good good spanking”:

  • Parents: 72%
    • Fathers: 78%
    • Mothers: 66%
  • Asians/Pacific Islanders: 30%
    • Men: 47%
    • Women: 12%
  • White: 71%
    • Men: 78%
    • Women: 64%
  • Hispanic population: 74%
    • Men: 72%
    • Women: 76%
  • American Indian/Alaska Native: 75%
    • Men: 86%
    • Women: 64%
  • Black: 82%
    • Men: 90%
    • Women: 74%
  • Persons without secondary education: 78%
    • Men: 76%
    • Women: 80%
  • Persons with secondary education: 75%
    • Men: 83%
    • Women: 66%
  • Individuals with above-secondary education: 70%
    • Men: 79%
    • Women: 61%
  • Persons with university education: 67%
    • Men: 70%
    • Women: 63%
  • Persons with a non-Christian religion: 66%
  • Christian: 78%
  • Republicans: 80%
  • Individuals with independent political opinions: 69%
  • Democrats: 65%
  • Residents of the American South: 78%
  • Midwesterners in the US: 72%
  • American Westerners: 64%
  • Residents of the American Northeast: 63%

Based on these statistics, it is not surprising that 15% of children are subjected to corporal punishment in their first years of life.

School

The use of corporal punishment in school is legal in 19 US states: Alabama - Arizona - Arkansas - Colorado - Florida - Georgia - Idaho - Indiana - Kansas - Kentucky - Louisiana - Mississippi - Missouri - North Carolina - Oklahoma - South Carolina - Tennessee - Texas - Wyoming.

In the 2009-10 school year, 11.6% of free secondary schools allowed spank children as a disciplinary measure, and in 8.1% of schools such punishment is indeed applied. A rough estimate of 8,000 schools across the country used spanking as a disciplinary measure [there were 98,817 free high schools in those years].

It is estimated that children were spanked in schools in 2009-2010:

  • with a disability
    • Boys: 28,655
    • Girls: 5,283
  • without disability
    • Boys: 140,775
    • Girls: 43,753
  • Total boys: 169,430
  • Total girls: 49,036
  • Total: 218,466


In the world

The US is in the minority.

  • In 145 countries(60.3% of the world population) there are some prohibitions on physical punishment:
  • In 42 countries (10% of the world population) it is illegal to hit children at home, at school and in prisons:Albania - Argentina - Austria - Bolivia - Brazil - Bulgaria - Cape Verde - Republic of the Congo - Costa Rica - Croatia - Curaçao - Cyprus - Denmark - Finland - Germany - Greece - Honduras - Hungary - Iceland - Israel - Kenya - Latvia - Liechtenstein - Luxembourg - Macedonia - Malta - Moldova - Netherlands - New Zealand - Norway - Poland - Portugal - Romania - South Sudan - Spain - Sweden - Togo - Tunisia - Turkmenistan - Ukraine - Uruguay - Venezuela
  • At 52countries (34% of the world's population) prohibit hitting children only in schools and places of detention: Andorra - Armenia - Azerbaijan - Belarus - Belgium - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Cambodia - Cameroon - Canada - China - Cuba - Czech Republic - Dominican Republic - El Salvador - Estonia - Ethiopia - Fiji - Gabon - Georgia - Guinea-Bissau - Haiti - Hong Kong - Ireland - Italy - Jordan - Kuwait - Kyrgyzstan - Laos - Lithuania - Macau - Malawi - Mali - Marshall Islands - Monaco - Montenegro - Namibia - Nicaragua - Philippines - Russia - San Marino - Serbia - Slovakia - Slovenia - South Africa - Switzerland – Taiwan – Thailand – Turkey – Great Britain – Uzbekistan – Vietnam – Zambia
  • At 27countries (10% of the world population) it is forbidden to hit children only in schools: Afghanistan - Algeria - Bahrain - Bangladesh - Belize - Burundi - Chad - Colombia - Democratic Republic of the Congo - Djibouti - Ecuador - Guinea - Iran - Japan - Kiribati - Libya - Mauritanian Islands - Micronesia - Mongolia - Oman - Peru - Samoa - Sao Tome and Principe - Tonga - United Arab Emirates - Vanuatu - Yemen
  • At 24countries (6% of the world population) it is forbidden to beat children only in places of detention: Bhutan - Burkina Faso - Chile - Ivory Coast - Egypt - France - Jamaica - Kazakhstan - North Korea - South Korea - Lebanon - Liberia - Morocco - Mozambique - Panama - Paraguay - Senegal - Seychelles - Sint Maarten - Solomon Islands - Suriname – Swaziland – East Timor – Uganda
  • In 53 countries (39.6% of the world population) it is not forbidden to hit children by law:Angola - Antigua and Barbuda - Aruba - Australia - Bahamas - Barbados - Benin - Botswana - Brunei - Comoros - Dominica - Eritrea - Gambia - Ghana - Grenada - Guatemala - Guyana - India - Indonesia - Iraq - Lesotho - Madagascar - Malaysia - Maldives - Mauritania - Mexico - Myanmar - Nauru - Nepal - Niger - Nigeria - Pakistan - Palau - Palestinian Territories - Papua New Guinea - Qatar - Rwanda - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Saint Lucia - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Saudi Arabia - Sierra Leone - Singapore - Somalia - Sri Lanka - Sudan - Syria - Tajikistan - Tanzania - Trinidad and Tobago - Tuvalu - USA - Zimbabwe
  • IN 2countries(2% of the world population) it is not known what corporal punishment laws exist: Central African Republic - Equatorial Guinea


Expert opinion

United Nations Commission on Children's Rights believes that physical punishment that causes pain to any degree and inconvenience (even a slight one) is an abuse of authority in relation to children. The Commission states that the elimination of physical punishment of children is "a key strategy leading to the reduction and prevention of any form of violence in society."

American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against the use of physical punishment as the potential risk outweighs the potential benefits.

A meta-analysis of 88 scientific studies that were conducted over 62 years showed that 94% of researchers are sure that corporal punishment leads to undesirable consequences, such as:

  • increase in child aggression
  • increase in antisocial and criminal behavior of children
  • deterioration in the quality of relationships between children and parents
  • mental deterioration in children
  • increased risk of becoming a victim of physical violence
  • increase in aggressiveness of adults
  • an increase in antisocial and criminal behavior in adults
  • mental deterioration in adults
  • increased risk of hurting your own child or spouse

Corporal punishment is associated with only one benevolent moment in behavior:

  • increasing examples of immediate obedience

Impact of corporal punishment on a child

Children who are hit less than twice a month at age 3 are 17% more likely to be violent at age 5.

Children who are hit more than twice a month at age 3 are 49% more likely to be violent at age 5.

This is affected by:

  • Child aggression at age 3
  • Demographics in the family
  • Psychologically mistreating a child
  • Child neglect
  • Partner aggression
  • stress in parents
  • general depression
  • Drug and/or alcohol use
  • Considering the option of aborting the baby


Children who are beaten acquire more criminal tendencies

Criminal behavior involves aggression and breaking the rules. It is affected by:

  • Demographics in the family
  • Criminal tendencies and speech abilities at the age of 3 years
  • Temperament at 1 year old
  • Cognitive stimulation at 1 year of age
  • Low birth weight
  • birth method
  • Parent drug use
  • parental care
  • Violence in family
  • Father's support
  • Maternal stress/depression/impulsivity/intelligence

The ratio of criminal inclinations in the behavior of a child at the age of 9; those who were beaten and those who were not beaten:

  • beats mother
    • At the age of 3 years
      • Less than 2 times a week: -0.04
      • More than 2 times a week: 0.21
    • At the age of 5 years
      • Less than 2 times a week: 65
      • More than 2 times a week: 83
    • Father beats
      • At the age of 3 years
        • Less than 2 times a week: -0.19
        • More than 2 times a week: -0.24
      • At the age of 5 years
        • Less than 2 times a week: 0.25
        • More than 2 times a week: 0.18

Children who are beaten have worse speech development

Speech abilities of a 9-year-old child who was beaten and who was not beaten:

  • beats mother
    • At the age of 3 years
      • Less than 2 times a week: 0.30
      • More than 2 times a week: -0.37
    • At the age of 5 years
      • Less than 2 times a week: 0.22
      • More than 2 times a week: -0.92
    • father beats
      • Aged 3
        • Less than 2 times a week: 26
        • More than 2 times a week: -0.56
      • At the age of 5 years
        • Less than 2 times a week: -0.79
        • More than 2 times a week: −4.21

For comparison, mothers who dropped out of high school have a percentage of -2.6 compared to those mothers who graduated from university - 0.

The brains of children who are beaten produce less gray matter.

Children who were hit at least 12 times a year for three years had less gray matter as adults than children who were hit minimally or not at all.

The word "beat" means to beat with some object, on occasion, for disciplinary purposes, and given that this did not go beyond, did not lead to bodily harm, was not done with anger.

Reduced gray matter in young adults who were beaten as children:

  • Right medial frontal gyrus: 19.1%
    • The ability to distinguish oneself from other objects.
    • The ability to recognize one's own qualities and preferences.
    • Ability to understand another person's point of view (and basic ability to resolve conflicts)
    • The ability to evaluate and predict the behavior of others.
  • Left medial frontal gyrus: 14.5%
    • Ability to pay attention and remember
  • Right anterior cingulate: 16.9%
    • The ability to track one's own actions and correlate them with intentions.

These areas are associated with:

  • dependencies
  • suicidal behavior
  • depression
  • dissociative disorders

These areas are part of the median rostral prefrontal map, which plays a key role in social cognition as well as functional structure.

Even in educational attainment, children who were beaten scored 10 points lower on IQ tests. 75% of this is due to the fact that they were beaten. In other words, stop hitting kids and they'll score 7.5 points higher on IQ tests.

Does corporal punishment cause developmental delays, or does developmental delay (and therefore bad behavior) cause corporal punishment? The individuals interviewed in this study were beaten before the age of 4 years - while these areas of the brain are still being formed.

Why is gray matter important? Gray matter contributes to information processing. Especially in these areas, it helps to make decisions and reflect. The more gray matter there is in these areas of the brain, the better a person can evaluate the consequences and benefits.

What influences:

  • alcohol or drug abuse
  • head injury
  • alcohol or drug abuse during pregnancy
  • experience of physical, sexual or emotional abuse
  • perinatal or neonatal complications
  • neurological disorders
  • conditions for development and growth


How does corporal punishment received in childhood affect when children grow up

Adults who were beaten as children are more likely to develop psychological disorders and addiction to alcohol or drugs.

When we talk about those who were beaten, we mean: pushed, grabbed, shoved, spanked or lightly hit, but we are not talking about serious physical violence (beating so that marks, bruises or bodily injuries remain), insulted sexually, emotionally , were physically or emotionally neglected, or tolerated partner abuse.

Percentage of psychiatric disorders associated with beating:

  • Alcohol abuse or dependence: 3.4%
  • Drug abuse or addiction: 3.0%
  • Mood disorders: 2.8%
    • Major depression: 2.4%
    • Dysthymia:
    • Mania: 5.2%
    • Hypomania:
  • Anxiety disorders: 2.1%
    • Panic:
    • Social phobia:
    • Specific phobia:
    • General anxiety:
    • PTSD:
  • Personality changes, group A: 4.2%
    • Paranoid:
    • Schizoid:
    • Schizotypal: 7.2%
  • Personality changes, group B: 4.8%
    • Antisocial: 5.5%
    • Borderline: 4.6%
    • Histrionic:
    • Narcissistic: 4.7%
  • Personality changes, group C:
    • Avoidance:
    • Obsessive states:

This statistic may seem small, but when you consider that 46% of Americans suffer from some form of psychiatric disorder during their lifetime, the absence of physical punishment could prevent suffering for a large part of the population. If there is no serious physical punishment in childhood, then the prevalence of psychiatric disorders can be reduced in the range from 2% to 7%.

With a US population of 316.1 million, 145,360,000 Americans suffer from psychiatric disorders. In any case, from 2,907,200 to 10,175,200 people can be saved if they are not beaten.

Adults who were beaten as children have more health problems

If a child has been beaten, an adult is more likely to develop the following physical health problem:

  • Any state of physical ill health: 30%
    • High blood pressure
    • Hepatitis
    • Diabetes
    • Cardiovascular disease: 28%
    • Gastritis
    • Arthritis: 25%
    • Obesity: 20%

This happens as a result:

  • Demographics in the family
  • Parents (one or both) had problems with alcohol or drugs
  • Parents (one or two) were in prison
  • Parents (one or both) were treated for a psychiatric illness
  • Parents (one or two) attempted suicide
  • Parents (one or two) committed suicide


Adults who have been beaten are more likely to practice domestic violence and have various disabilities

If corporal punishment doesn't work, parents who rely on it tend to increase the punishment rather than rethink the strategy.

In Canada, 75% of the physical abuse children experience is related to corporal punishment.

In the US, children who have been physically abused admit that 66% of the abuse began when they experienced corporal punishment.

Compared to children who were not beaten, children who were beaten:

  • 7 times more likely to be subjected to severe violence (punched, kicked, or hit with an object)
  • 2.3 times more likely to need medical attention due to injuries resulting from physical abuse

Research shows that spanking educates children that "aggression is normal, acceptable, and effective," which leads to violence between people being accepted on a broader level.

People who were punished with physical force as children

  • are more likely to be involved in situations involving physical or verbal aggression towards their spouses: 6% attributed to corporal punishment in childhood
  • more in control of their spouses: 6% attributed to corporal punishment in childhood
  • less able to understand the views of their spouses: 10% attributed to corporal punishment in childhood

A study of personal relationships between students at 33 universities in 17 countries shows a .44 link between being beaten as a child and being bullied by a friend at university:

  • In a setting where 10% of students were beaten, 21% of students beat their partners
  • In a setting where 80% of students were beaten, 34% of students beat their partners


Alternatives to corporal punishment

85% of parents express moderate to high anger when hitting their children.

54% of mothers say they were wrong half the time when they hit their child.

85% of parents say they would rather not hit their kids if they had an alternative that they thought would work.

A healthy system of education and upbringing prepares children to achieve in life:

  • competence
  • composure
  • self-regulation
  • caring for others

An effective disciplinary system must contain three key elements. Each of these elements must function adequately for the discipline to be effective:

  • 1) Develop a positive, supportive and loving relationship between parents and child:
  • Maintain a positive emotional tone in the home.
  • Pay attention to the child to reinforce the positive behavior / pay no attention to reduce the number of negative behaviors.
  • Be consistent in your daily activities to reduce resistance and make negative experiences less traumatic.
  • Be consistent in responding to similar examples of the child's behavior.
  • Be flexible by listening, talking, involving the child in decision making. This technique is associated with a long-term impact on the moral assessment of events and actions.
  • 2) Use a reward strategy to increase examples of desired behavior:
  • Regularly give positive attention or "special time".
  • Listen carefully to the child and help him/her learn to use words to express feelings.
  • Give the child the opportunity to make choices and be aware of the consequences of those choices.
  • Reward desirable behavior with frequent praise and ignore minor misbehavior.
  • Be a good example of correct predictable behavior, respectful communication and reasonable conflict resolution.
  • 3) Remove rewards or use punishments to reduce or eliminate unwanted behavior.
  • Be consistent when you temporarily remove privileges (increases obedience from 25% to 80%)
    • Explain clearly what bad behavior is and what its consequences are.
    • Demonstrate the immediate and powerful consequences of bad behavior when it first occurs.
    • Demonstrate appropriate consequences each time an example of bad behavior occurs.
    • Explain and correct calmly and with sympathy.
    • Explain the consequences. This helps children learn to behave properly.
  • Use verbal remarks sparingly, and always direct them to bad behavior and not to the child's personality.

So what if my child runs out into the road? I have to spank her so she never does that again!

Please support Pravmir, sign up for a regular donation. 50, 100, 200 rubles - so that Pravmir continues. And we promise not to slow down!

Not all parents succeed in getting children to obey. Helplessness sets in quickly and leads to spanking, yelling, and punishing a child who, when you think about it, didn't do anything particularly wrong. How to get out of the vicious circle, knows Mansur Shangareev, the most famous father of many children on Instagram and the author of the book "Daddy's Children", in which he talks about raising his four children. So, first of all, you need to stop hitting the child.

Physical punishment as a method of education is a definite, unequivocal "no". And no: "Oh, we were beaten, and nothing - they grew up as normal people ..."

Well, firstly, "normal" and "happy" are different concepts. Are you sure you don't have psychological problems? Do you easily recall the moments when your closest people bludgeoned you - people who, on the contrary, should have always protected you?

And secondly: well, you are lucky - you grew up normal. But do you like today's society? Do you like morally unstable, inadequate people who subsequently easily turn into maniacs, flayers, murderers? Maybe, after all, past generations made mistakes in education?

Put yourself in the place of a child. How does he feel when you hit him? Fear, humiliation, helplessness, weakness...

How should children react to being beaten? The natural desire of any living being is to protect itself. Just think! Your baby, whom you love so much, is afraid (!) of his mother, wants to protect himself from her, to hide!

Not beating, of course, but also an unnecessary and unpleasant thing. I will write briefly: children are able to assimilate information only in a state of rest, therefore, when you scream, what was said reaches them extremely poorly. Shouting is an unimportant mode of communication.

Your task is to explain to the child, show, tell, teach, and not scare with your cry so that the child will not understand anything, but will obey by inertia.

With insults, we program children for a certain wave. If you inspire your son that he is sloppy, cowardly and worthless, and your daughter that she is stupid, ugly and clumsy, they will grow up like that, no doubt.

But do you yourself believe in the words that you say? Do you believe that breaking a cup from a service is the most terrible act in life? And that the kid is an idiot and a hand-ass if he accidentally dropped it? Do you believe?

And the child believes. By the way, if you dropped a cup, you yourself probably would not have attacked yourself with shouts and name-calling.

Of course, there are times when shouting is simply necessary. For example, when there is a danger to the life and health of a child or in other similar situations. But to use a cry every day, simply because you cannot convey your prohibition or instruction to a child, is extremely stupid. Thus, you simply sign your helplessness and weakness.

How to control yourself. In general, the following tactic works great: when you want to scream, put yourself in the place of the child. Would you like to hear such words? Still in that tone? Not? What's wrong with your child then?

Children need to be both encouraged and punished. A child is a small, not fully formed creature, he knows no boundaries, he has no clear framework, no understanding of life. All he knows is what we put into him. The good deeds of the child, his victories, efforts and efforts must be encouraged. And the best encouragement for a child is the recognition and praise of parents.

The more a child hears encouraging, warm words from dad and mom, the better he develops, the easier he learns, becomes stronger and more self-confident.

We praise children all the time. We tell girls all the time how beautiful and smart they are. We encourage their every achievement, the desire to help, the manifestation of compassion and mercy. I can say that this method already has its fruits: their hearts have absorbed so much love, tender words, warm looks, kisses and hugs that they simply cannot help but share it with the world!

How to punish a child to think - but not injure

In the past, we often used such a common method as leaving the child alone. They put him in a corner, took him to another room, so that he "calmed down and thought about his behavior" there.

Now we have stopped doing this, because the message of this action is that I only need you comfortable and obedient, and you will be alone until you begin to meet my requirements again. This is wrong because parenting is acceptance. Acceptance of the child as he is, and the promise to love, no matter what.

The best way to punish, in my opinion, is the deprivation of additional and pleasant bonuses. Do not let him go for a walk, do not show a cartoon or do not give him his favorite dessert ... This does not injure the child, but it will make you think next time: does he want to lose it again?

Another golden rule: keep your words. Did they promise to pick up the tablet if they didn’t clean up the room? Take away. If you understand that the punishment is too severe, soften it, but keep your word (take it not for a week, but for two days). Do not do this - and the child will quickly realize that your threats are empty words, and stop believing them.

And in order to avoid such situations, before you say something, promise, forbid - think a hundred times. Do you need it? Does it matter? Is it worth it? And making and canceling your decisions 10 times a day is at least not serious.

Always measure the child's act with the force of punishment. If he broke an expensive vase, what punishment does he deserve? Serious, you say. And if you accidentally broke it, wanting, for example, to help you wipe the dust off it?

The worst thing for a baby is the dissatisfaction of his parents with him. The actions of the child are aimed at pleasing an adult, so that he loves him, takes care of him. For every child, there can be no more terrible thought than to be abandoned, to be left alone. Therefore, when showing discontent, observe the measure, do not go too far.

Parents constantly wonder if physical punishment should be used on children? Psychologists and doctors are discussing this topic today, and the state is trying to protect kids from aggressor parents. If you are also raising a child, then you have probably faced difficult situations when you really want to use the strap. It happens to everyone, but not everyone is able to resist. "Popular about health" invites you to figure out why it is not worth hitting the butt, hands and head of children. What are the dangers of physical punishment? What impact will they have on the next generation?

Why parents are ready to pick up the belt?

Even the most loving and loyal parents often simply cannot restrain themselves from spanking a tomboy. Their feelings can be understood - little "testers" taste everything, test for strength, exposing themselves to danger. Starting from the age of three, children are already able to show their character, they are stubborn, obstinate, rude, and some are completely uncontrollable. Adolescence is also difficult. At this time, boys and girls are generally more susceptible to the influence of their peers, the parental word means almost nothing to them. Trying to give advice, you can run into rudeness. Teenagers often manipulate feelings, show selfishness and are prone to maximalism. Coping with such difficulties can be difficult for mom and dad. That is why there is a strong desire to spank the child. But is the reason for aggression lies only in this? No, often their root lies deeper:

1. Fathers and mothers beat offspring because they themselves were brought up in aggression.

2. Adults take out their anger and their complexes and failures.

3. Parents do not have time for quality education and long conversations with their child.

4. Moms and dads just don't know how to approach their kids.

5. Adults are mentally unstable, they need an emotional shake-up and use the child to satisfy this need.

Contrary to the opinion that only alcoholics show aggression towards children, statistics show the opposite - quite sane mothers and fathers also beat their children. Why shouldn't children be touched?

Why You Shouldn't Hit Children at All - Psychologist's Opinion

Beating children is dangerous not only because it can harm their health, but also for other reasons. Aggression can lead to mental disorders in babies and adolescents. In the future, they will grow up insecure, weak and dependent on the opinions of others. Such people are unlikely to succeed. So, let's discuss in detail the consequences that corporal punishment of children will lead to:

1. Physical punishment of a child is an interference in his personal space, and undesirable. Using flip flops, a belt, mother and father prevent the formation of a valuable skill - the ability to defend the boundaries of one's own space, one's "I". In the future, such a child, becoming an adult, will be too dependent on the opinions of others.

2. Aggression on the part of relatives negatively affects the formation of trust in others.

3. The use of physical force against children humiliates them, deprives them of self-esteem, which means that later they will not be able to objectively evaluate themselves, they will not learn to show initiative and perseverance.

4. Toddlers and teens learn aggressive behavior from watching moms and dads. In the future, they will solve their problems in exactly the same way.

5. Faced with violence at home, growing up, children will subconsciously choose a life partner who will show aggression towards them.

We examined how the aggression of parents affects the psychological state of their children. Now let's see what harm moms and dads can do to children physically if they use force on them.

Why you can't spank hard on the pope?

Blows inflicted on the "soft spot" only seem harmless. Even if you do not beat at full strength (note that it is quite difficult to control yourself in the heat of anger), you can damage the baby's kidneys, which are located just above the buttocks. Without calculating the effort a little, a father or mother can cause internal bleeding in a defenseless baby or damage the lower spine.

Why can't children be beaten on the hands too??

Even simple slaps on the hands for climbing to the outlet or taking dangerous objects in the mouth can be harmful. Hands are closely connected with the speech center. It is not without reason that children are recommended to develop fine motor skills for the development of speech. To beat on hands means to cause problems of the speech apparatus. Therefore, you can not beat children on the hands!

Why don't they hit a child on the head??

The head is the weakest point. The skull in babies is still quite soft and vulnerable. Even a slight push or blow can lead to serious consequences - disorders of the optic nerve, speech center, memory, problems with associations, logic. Hitting the head is extremely dangerous and fraught with disability. For the same reason, children should not be hit in the face. Even shaking a child by the shoulders can damage the baby's brain - rupture of cell membranes and vascular walls. The consequences of such actions are sad:

loss of vision or hearing;
Epilepsy;
Mental retardation;
Paralysis;
Speech disorders.

That is why it is impossible to somehow “knock” on the head.

It is categorically impossible to beat children, even if there is no strength to endure their antics. It is better to stop for a minute and leave the room to calm down, and then talk. Use punishment in the form of deprivation of pleasure - cartoons, sweets, communication with peers (for a teenager), but do not use force.

What can you say about education through corporal punishment? Most likely, you will be strongly opposed. Let's turn the pages of history and look at how our ancestors raised their children. Beating at that time was the norm and even the rule of good education. As a result, we see that obedience was not just a word in those days, and even contradicting parents was considered rebellious at all and happened only in exceptional cases. About whims in those days and did not hear. So, is the "stick" a good method, and is it better than the modern "carrot"? It is the question of the appropriateness of corporal punishment that we will analyze today.

Until recently, physical punishment of children was commonplace.

Psychological aspect

Before starting the conversation, let's look at the statistics. About 95% of respondents, when asked if their parents beat them in childhood, answered in the affirmative. More than half of them, namely 65%, added that these punishments brought them tangible benefits.

Let us now turn to the consideration of the influence of physical punishment on the child's psyche. Psychologists, as well as all other sane people, are convinced that against such a weighty "argument" the baby will never find reliable defense. With the goal of forcing the baby to do something, bypassing its endless whims and harmfulness, the parent, using force, will solve it very effectively.

Everything works, but here the question arises that the cause of bad behavior has not been clarified and not eliminated. Thus, we get only a short-term effect. Doctor Komarovsky also speaks about this. To regularly fulfill your requests and demands, you will have to resort to violence all the time. Constant beating is not included in your plans? Remember that the child is afraid of punishment only the first few times, then he gets used to it and only becomes more and more embittered against you. The desire for revenge, based on resentment and pain, grows.



Most often, after a breakdown, the parent has a feeling of guilt towards the child.

Parents, as a rule, in most cases, strongly repent after each of their breakdowns. Their sense of guilt grows, because they raised their hand against a small and completely defenseless person.

The most important advice on how to contain anger and assault: feeling that you are about to break loose, quickly run out of the room, breathe deeply several times, count: 1, 2, 3, 4 ... and so on. Help yourself in any way to avoid another beating.

Science against beating

From a scientific point of view, the question of the advisability of using physical punishment for educational purposes has been repeatedly considered by scientists. Professor Murray Strauss, who teaches at the University of New Hampshire, claims that children whose parents beat them as children have lower levels of intellectual development (IQ) in later life. Grown up kids, whose parents tried to look for alternative ways of influencing and ways of education, have higher rates.

Do we ourselves, unwittingly, introduce into the child’s psyche a “fad” about his low self-esteem, give him self-doubt, reduce mental abilities? Really, instead of confidence and ingenuity, we ourselves invite fear and pain to come? We see that children do not study well and think slower than their peers, we reproach them and punish them for every deuce, but this only aggravates the situation.



A child who is subjected to physical punishment grows up insecure and withdrawn

Law against whipping

About 13 out of 100 people participating in an independent survey pointed to the fact that the problem of domestic violence should be not only internal, personal, but also social. These issues should be dealt with by special bodies that monitor the observance of the rights and freedoms of the child. Such services should come to the rescue of a defenseless person who does not yet have enough of his own strength to resist the threat. Punishing the weak is always easy. In the legislative system of any country, you can easily find a clause that says that any violence against children should be prosecuted, even to the deprivation of parental rights.

Remember, it is impossible to beat a child either from a moral or legal point of view. Not a single part of the body is created for violence - neither the back, nor the priest, and even more so the head! This is the law!

Seeing a 3-year-old child having a hysterical fit and feeling that only a spank can bring him back to reality, do not rush to do it. Remember that you can always find other methods of influence. For example, use this: sit the baby on your knees and hug tightly. Give him the opportunity to calm down in your arms, to come to his senses. After a while, you will be able to talk to him calmly.



 You can help a child get out of a hysterical fit with the help of love and understanding.

Deciding for yourself the question of whether to punish a child physically or not, and not finding convincing arguments that such actions are contrary to all possible principles - moral, mental, and legal - answer yourself this question: what can give rise to violence (we recommend reading:) ? Honestly answer yourself: nothing but violence.

Consequences of assault

We emphasize again: never hit a child! Compare the situation when someone hit you. How will you treat this person? How is the child different in this case? Yes, practically nothing. The mechanism of perception of the situation is the same. Quite still crumbs, the kids already keep in their little heads the dream of revenge on their parents. They cannot yet cope with adults, so they switch to easier targets: younger comrades, animals. It is terrible to understand that the wrong behavior of parents in relation to their children can eventually give birth to the country of new maniacs, murderers, rapists and sadists. Most of these monsters were at one time victims of excessive domestic violence.

Why shouldn't children be beaten? As soon as you hit the baby, he immediately understands that:

  • you can hit the weak;
  • parents are unable to cope with children's pranks;
  • assault is a great way to solve all problems;
  • the closest people (parents) cause fear, they need to be afraid;
  • the child does not have the physical ability to respond to the offender.


 Due to the inequality of forces, the child simply cannot respond to the offender in the same way.

Despite the fact that 67% of the parents surveyed speak negatively about the use of physical punishment for educational purposes, they still spank their children from time to time. Often parents raise their hand to a weak toddler because of their own impotence. They cannot convey the word “no” to the baby in other ways. Beating on the butt seems to them the most effective way. No, it shouldn't be like that. Anyone will understand a tired mother, exhausted, irritated and broken, but none of the listed conditions justifies spanking and slapping in relation to her beloved baby. Feeling that you are about to break loose and lose your temper, start taking action: count to 10, breathe deeply, go to another room, beat a pillow, try different ways to eliminate anger. Do your best, but don't let yourself hit the weak.

What to do?

We have already mentioned that bad deeds, harmfulness and whims are only consequences, and the reason is completely different. In what? It will seem strange and banal - in the desire to be seen and heard.

The kid wants to get our attention at any cost, so give him this attention. Walk and play together more often, hug and kiss more often. You will see how correctly you act: affection and care can melt the coldest heart ice.

What to do when you have exhausted all verbal arguments? What to do if it is necessary to convey to the child the wrongness of his actions? Silence is not an option, but trying to change the situation can be a good method.



 Joint leisure strengthens family relationships, increases the level of trust

Learn to compromise

Situation: you are tired and want to sleep, but the baby still does not calm down. You have tried everything to calm him down: requests, threats... One gets the feeling that he is doing everything on purpose to annoy you. Just a little bit more and you will break loose ... Stop! Imagine in place of your little one a 4-year-old adult - your peer friend. He wants to have fun and make noise, while you are already deadly tired and fall off your feet. Are you going to spank him, or worse, spank him with a belt? Most likely, you will try to find another way to negotiate. You will either go to another room yourself, or ask him to leave, referring to your own fatigue. Try the same methods with your baby. It may turn out that the baby just missed you, then the surest remedy is strong hugs and sincere conversation.

The second situation: the kid offends other children on the playground, he can hit the head with a spatula. Step aside with him and calmly but persistently talk to him, explaining that you will go home now, since he does not know how to play well with others. Say also that you will do this until he learns good behavior. Seeing that even after your conversations, the baby continues to do bad things, know for sure that he does it out of spite. This is how he wants to get your attention.

Give yourself a chance to be real

The scale of negative emotions from pranks and pranks of your child will soon reach the boiling point. You fight with yourself, try not to scream or get angry, but still, having reached the limit, you can’t cope and beat your blood again (we recommend reading:). After that, you reproach yourself, scold and blame. Not worth it. The best option is to talk to your child and explain why you did it.



If an adult made a mistake, you can directly tell the child about it.

Conversations can be held at any age. It does not matter how old the baby is now - one, two, three years or 10 years old. Do not be shy about your anger and irritation, let the baby know about them. Do not strive to be the perfect mother, be alive and natural. Call a spade a spade: “I was terribly angry with you because…” Always back up your words with explanations. Having saved yourself from the need to accumulate anger and anger, as well as learning to talk about it with the baby, you yourself will see that the need for punishment will disappear by itself.

Find the root cause in yourself

If you began to regularly and methodically spank the baby for any offense, and for serious misconduct you can flog him badly, there is a clear problem. Of course, not for children, but your personal. Being in a difficult emotional and mental state, the parent is constantly excited and irritated. With punishments and flogging, he vents his anger, relieves stress. Most people who beat babies were themselves beaten as children. They do not see anything wrong with beating: we were punished with a belt on the pope, we will be punished too. Realizing that the tactics of the parents in relation to the person were wrong, he still shields them, proving to others and to himself that beating is a useful thing. Such parents can hit the child in the heat of anger on the lips for some impudent word addressed to them.

In such situations, the surest way is to get rid of childhood psychological trauma. Not seeing the reason for your anger and frequent use of corporal punishment, consult a psychologist. The science of psychology will help in this case to identify the root cause and eliminate it.

The main assistants in the matter of upbringing, namely humane upbringing, are patience and boundless love. Raising children is a lot of work and hard work, but all problems and difficulties can be overcome. Seeing the negative from the side of the little one, do not rush to conclusions. It is important to find out the reason for this behavior. Do not forget that each age has its own characteristics and needs that you need to listen to.

A person who has barely been born should already appear before you as a full-fledged person. You can not perceive it as a weak and subject to you being, meekly fulfilling all your requirements and desires.

Corporal punishment leads to the fact that the baby becomes frightened, embittered and morally humiliated. Do not allow yourself to destroy the trust that exists between you and your child. Beating awakens feelings of hatred in him, and this behavior will only worsen. This will be followed by new punishments. Break this vicious circle. Don't let your child lose their self-respect.

It's no secret that being a parent is one of the highest levels of responsibility that a person can take on. A frequent phenomenon that can be found at the present time is that even couples who have been in a relationship for several years and are firmly on their feet in material terms are delayed with the birth of children.

This phenomenon can be explained by the responsibility for the formation of the personality of a newly-born person, because in addition to various benefits, parents must also instill in the child the norms of behavior and in every possible way influence the formation of his worldview. Undoubtedly, each individual family adheres to some of its own methods of education, which may not be applicable to all other parents at all. But often, newlyweds are faced with the question of punishment. Here a dilemma often arises, is it worth it to physically influence the child, or can everything be achieved in a different way?

Perhaps, it’s not for nothing that all child and family psychologists, developers of educational systems, educators and teachers, and just the media and the worldwide network unanimously repeat that it’s impossible to raise a hand against a child in any case. Many will be interested to know why children should not be beaten, what consequences this may entail.

It is also worth focusing on the fact that, despite any excuses (“not much”, “so that you don’t do it again”, “on the ass”), physical violence always remains with them.

One of the reasons educators give in this vein is the clear dissonance between the norms that parents should instill in the child and the behavior that they actually show. After all, the generally accepted opinion says that the use of force is bad, and how can a child learn a postulate correctly if it contradicts the example that arises before his eyes from an early age? The prohibition that parents impose on their children should apply to them to the same extent. Sometimes, when a married couple decides what is more correct: to beat or not to beat a child, another reason establishes their choice. As you know, the older generation should be an unshakable authority for the younger one, so that trusting and respectful relations between them can be formed to the right extent. Most often, parents resort to the method of physical violence in the event that they cannot find the right arguments. This, in turn, is an unspoken recognition of one's moral defeat, which in the future will have an extremely negative impact on authority. In addition, children at an early age tend to test the limits of psychological strength and find out which behavior model will help to achieve the greatest benefit. Worst of all, if a child chooses the path of demands, scandals and provocations to draw attention to his person.

In their practice, child psychologists often note cases when young mothers, who are not yet fully accustomed to their new role, can sometimes inadvertently slap a child, after which they get a more likely even unconscious response, which in the future completely discourages their attempts to teach the child somehow. otherwise than through conversation and examples.

And how healthy is it from the point of view of a mature sane person to beat someone who is simply not able to answer? Also, the reason is that the child may think that force can and should be used in any domestic situation, since his parents do the same. Of course, if at the dawn of mankind the rule of force acted on everyone without exception, but, perhaps, from the moment people left the caves, it is no longer the only correct one? You should not let the child understand that everything you want can be achieved through violence, so as not to incline him to an overly cruel model of behavior.

As the next reason that speaks in favor of the refusal of physical influence, one can cite the fact confirmed by psychologists that any violence, especially manifested at an early age, causes indelible damage to a still not fully formed personality. In addition, the child's value system may be disturbed and self-esteem may decrease significantly. Almost everyone knows that the majority of people with a disturbed psyche, who in the future often descended to the very bottom of the social ladder, were regulars in places of detention, and also acquired manic-depressive tendencies, and were subjected to violence in the family circle in childhood.

Among other things, parents rarely think about the fact that after being hit, the child feels useless, broken and lonely. In addition, a vicious circle can be created in which an angry kid will commit some kind of thoughtless negative act in relation to the older generation, after which he will again be punished. It is not so easy to find a way out of this difficult situation even for an experienced teacher with many years of experience.

When deciding whether to beat a child, one should also think about the effectiveness of this method. Of course, the child can agree with all the demands made, go to any conditions, but this is unlikely to be dictated by something other than a sense of fear. It is important that the baby understands why it is impossible to act in one way or another and learns to gradually analyze his own mistakes. Words, examples, calm explanations will help much better in resolving any conflicts, and in addition, they will help maintain and strengthen warm relationships in the family. Experts note that the reaction of parents to even the smallest flaw can often be distorted by extraneous factors.

Problems in the material sphere, unpleasant working moments, the negativity accumulated over the whole day, and irritability should not be vented on the baby, because he often has nothing to do with the problems of adults, but becomes only a target on which all aggression pours out.

There are a number of general recommendations in the event that an incident of this kind unintentionally happened by accident. Even if the child is small, you need to immediately apologize to him, admit that you were wrong, and in the future carefully monitor yourself.