Constant fights in a relationship - what to do? Quarrels in relationships. How to quarrel correctly

17.07.2019

There is not a single couple in the world who has not quarreled at least once. Everyone quarrels, both parents among themselves, and parents with children, relatives, friends, loved ones, colleagues, small and adults, young and old, men and women, and even lovers. Conflicts arise for a variety of reasons - from seemingly innocent to really serious. To avoid such troubles, you need to try very hard, since there are a lot of reasons for them. And it's worth starting precisely with finding out why people quarrel and conflict with each other. Knowing this information will definitely help you avoid disagreements and misunderstandings with your important people. After all, even appropriate behavior during a quarrel or immediately after, can radically affect the outcome of the conflict.

The main causes of quarrels

Why do people quarrel so often?

People quarrel over lack of attention and help.

Quarrels most often arise due to the fact that people think that they are being ignored, they do not value anything and do not want to hear and understand. When they feel bad, hard, they are tired and exhausted, when they need support so much, but they still cannot get it, they sincerely do not understand why those who are next to them do not notice how difficult it is for them to cope with what has fallen on them and it does not matter that for someone it is not a problem. This is a problem for them, and they want to be understood and heard.

It often happens that they themselves do not ask for sympathy or help, believing that it is easy to guess about it just by looking at them. When this does not happen, conflicts can erupt that have nothing to do with what is happening at all. Any reason, the most insignificant, can become the last straw. But at the heart of the quarrel will be precisely this lurking resentment, that no one notices how hard it is for a person, no one is in a hurry to help.

The one at whom they yell or make claims may not even understand what he did so terrible, because of what such a conflict, and as a result of a quarrel. Therefore, so that people do not quarrel, it is important to be able to talk about what worries, offends, worries, not to be shy about asking for support right away. Who if not the one who loves and is near, will show it. After all, for this it is not at all necessary to do something.

Many women have enough sympathy and words that they understand how hard it is for her now. True, men are used to responding to complaints by taking actions that they think should help. It is difficult for them not to do anything, and women are sometimes unable to understand this and are offended that, instead of words of support, he is going to go and put the boss who offended her in his place. And the quarrel already arises, because the woman did not say what exactly she needs from the man, and he does not understand why all his offers of concrete help are rejected, and she is upset again.

People often swear if there is no love.

Where love has died out, or it never existed at all, if one of the partners tries to say or ask for something, they do not understand him and do not want to realize how important it is for him or her to be heard. There is nothing surprising when such indifference hurts. Anyone who does not find time for loved ones, shrugs off their requests, words, sentences or tries to calm down with some general phrases, instead of taking the hand and saying that he is ready to hear why it is hard for them, is doomed to a constant showdown with those who is near. Swearing and quarreling in such situations is inevitable.

Because such behavior makes people feel flawed, bad, those whom others do not respect and appreciate, do not understand and do not like.

And resentment arises, because they do not want to consider themselves bad, do not understand why they are treated this way, and how they deserve it. Such an attitude offends not only when it comes from a partner, but also from management, children, parents, relatives, friends. And even if a person is silent for a long time, trying not to say anything and somehow survive what is happening, there will still come a moment when he will get tired of being good all the time, trying to earn someone's recognition, and he will arrange a debriefing.

In order not to quarrel, you need to sort things out

It is more correct to sort things out right away. But it's scary, because after that you need to make a decision: either to part with someone who is so deaf, blind and accustomed that everything is only to him, or to accept him as he is, no longer reacting. But as they say, most people still hope that after another quarrel, something will change, a person will hear them, realize that it is impossible to behave like that, and when this does not happen, for fear of making a decision, they continue to quarrel further ... Due to the fact that living with someone whose behavior does not suit you will never succeed calmly, neither for a person who has a normal psyche, nor for a neurotic who is accustomed to suffering.

It is clear that if people quarrel, then there is a reason. And in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts, it is always important to find it behind the mass of words, tears, rage, resentment and irritation that splash out during an attempt to express in words what burns from the inside. If you don't figure out why such a violent reaction occurs, quarrels will flare up over and over again.

The most common causes of human quarrels

People quarrel to defend their opinions.

Each person is guided by his own scale of values, and it is she and his opinion, formed in accordance with it, is the only correct one. And since others do the same in their lives, it is not surprising that people quarrel and swear because of this. Against this background, contradictions and dissatisfaction arise with those who do not agree with another point of view, which for someone is the only correct one.

Too proud people always try to insist on their point of view, and if they meet someone who is not going to agree with her, they will not back down and the matter will quickly end in a quarrel, from which his family will also suffer, since he will return home clearly not in a rosy mood.

Often people quarrel because of a mood spoiled by someone, especially if the person is overly emotional, has low self-esteem, and at the same time is rather quick-tempered.

Because of misunderstanding and unwillingness to hear, people quarrel

Lack of understanding of other people, inability to hear them, obsession only with their own affairs is also the reason why people quarrel and swear. Because often, due to such myopia, the behavior of others is perceived too biased. In fact, the behavior of other people may mean nothing at all, people are more preoccupied with themselves than with others, and their interests are in the first place for them.

It happens that due to the mass of their problems, people may not have enough strength to hear the rest, even those closest to them. The head is busy with problems, anxieties, experiences, in general at this moment they are only worried about their own well-being and the restoration of spiritual harmony. And this, for someone who remains unnoticed nearby, is a reason to quarrel and take offense.

Low self-esteem of a person is the reason for his aggression and quarrels

People often quarrel and swear because of their low self-esteem and self-doubt.

Well-mannered and kind people will not ignore others, but even their behavior can cause claims in another person. And this will already be connected not with what they did, but with the fact that this person has too low self-esteem, a mass of complexes, he envies, believes that everyone owes him and therefore comes up with grievances, and when there are too many of them, he is satisfied scandal.

No amount of exhortation, attempts to reassure, sincere attempts to understand what is happening will not help. Until he expresses everything that has boiled, does not free the soul, he will not calm down. And at this moment he already begins to offend the one with whom he is next.

Inability to keep high and low

The inability to express complaints without blaming others, to say that you yourself feel because of the words, actions of the one who upset, hurt, instead of trying to make him feel guilty, bad, terrible and indifferent to the feelings of others is also the answer to the question of why people quarrel and swear. Who likes to be accused, criticized and made to feel guilty, rather than solve the misunderstanding that has arisen.

To keep as few quarrels as possible in your life, try to take what is happening less seriously. This does not mean ignoring the violation of your interests, it means getting used to talking about what you don’t like, you don’t like, immediately when it happened. But only in a restrained calm form, without shouts, profanity, humiliation.

If you find it difficult to control yourself in order to quarrel less and avoid serious consequences, before further conversation, describe on paper what happened, your feelings, and what you want to say to the offender, and find an opportunity to devote time to some physical exercise. It is important to cool down, switch to something pleasant and useful, it takes time. You can walk quickly, practice blows on a pear, squat or dance. This will allow you to throw out anger, rage, and then once again look at what happened with different eyes. And after that, tell the person how he hurt you, not accusing him, but explaining. Anyone who appreciates and respects you will certainly take note of this. No - decide: either accept it, or no longer communicate with him. So you will save your health and eliminate any reasons for quarrels and conflicts.

Knowing why people quarrel, what are the most common reasons for conflicts and misunderstandings, will help those who want to avoid them. True, you will have to become more patient and careful, since there are people who themselves can look for a reason to quarrel with someone. And here you need real resourcefulness to get away from a quarrel, otherwise you will hardly be able to protect your health and good mood by communicating with such a person constantly.

16 chose

"Let's never fight again!"- says the hero of the film to his girlfriend, repeating the words of millions of lovers who said this before him, and anticipating the words of billions who have yet to say it. However, in life and in movies, everything happens differently. A year, a month, a week, a day, or in the worst case - an hour passes, and the cute ones scold again. Why is this happening, and can quarrels be avoided at all?

It turns out that quarreling is not only harmful but also beneficial. Indeed, during a quarrel, people express their discontent, express accumulated claims, release negative emotions. And if a person does not talk about his experiences, and keeps everything in himself, sooner or later he may explode. But everything is good in moderation. You should not bring to the point that quarrels occur too often, turn into a regular ritual, like breakfast-lunch-dinner. How to maintain balance and avoid unnecessary quarrels, she told us psychologist Maria Pugacheva:

Quarrels are different. Some partners are always nice to bite each other, others periodically swear for various reasons, and still others can generally bring each other to a nervous breakdown. Someone fights sincerely, because he is overwhelmed with feelings and emotions, and someone is simply trying to push their interests.

Yes, you need to sort things out , you need to talk, you need to discuss, argue and prove something, but it would be better to do it all the same more or less constructively, and not with the help of swearing.

If fights happen from time to time, this is adequate, this is normal for a developing relationship. th, because everything that moves forward and enriches itself must periodically stumble upon some difficulties, overcome crises.

This does not mean that if people do not fight, something is wrong in their relationship. ... Perhaps, on the contrary, they have no mutual claims, they do not notice each other's shortcomings, so they are satisfied and happy with everything. This is the ideal option, one can only dream of this. But there may be no quarrels for other reasons. For example, complete indifference to each other's life and prospects in relationships, or fear - in those couples where one partner is overly authoritarian, and the other does not even dare to utter a word in front of him.

I would recommend treating fights in a more constructive way.: do not worry if they happened because of nonsense, analyze them from different angles, if they carry serious content, and try to objectively evaluate, revise your shortcomings and shortcomings of your partner, trying to fix something for the better.

If you feel that there are more quarrels in your relationship than you would like, it is worth trying to change that. The old principle works here - if you want to change the world, start with yourself. So you start with yourself: do something the way your partner wants, and look at the result. If your partner responds in the same positive way, and tries to change something for the better in himself in the same way, to meet you halfway - it's great, your relationship will enter a new promising phase! If you notice that your partner likes it, but does not take anything constructive in return, you can carefully and kindly hint to him: "Look, how good I have become, and you? Let's do it together!" Well, if over time you begin to understand that this is a game with only one goal, your partner does not want to do anything on his part, then you should seriously think about such a relationship: do they have a prospect.

But the problem is that all these correct thoughts at the time of a quarrel usually disappear - in their place are completely different thoughts and emotions, which are best expressed in offensive words and growling tone. This is why it’s hardest to stop a fight when it’s already started. Maria Pugacheva explained how you can do this:

It is best done with humor. : Say something funny to defuse the atmosphere. For example: "oh, I have not turned green yet with anger at you, look at me carefully, please?"

Another variant - during a quarrel, you can say: "I say this because I love you, you are the best in the world," "I want to get to the bottom of this, because I love you so much that I cannot imagine that you are here a little- almost imperfect. " Imagine how it will be convenient for you, interestingly, remember some special iconic things - after all, every couple has them - words, expressions, cute nicknames, and try to use them too.

Do you often quarrel? Do you know how to stop quarrels? How does it work?

Conflicts and their constructive resolution are the only way to achieve harmony in a couple. Find out what you can get if you stop fighting.
1.You will start to trust each other more.
Conflicts that cannot be resolved quickly terrify many couples that they prefer to avoid them by any means necessary. People consider such quarrels to be fatal for a relationship. And completely in vain.

Attention! Only if you manage to talk without getting personal, but at the same time not suppressing your emotions, but on the contrary, making them available to your partner, such a quarrel will only strengthen your relationship. You will understand this when the storm has settled.
After experiencing one fight, you will be less afraid of the next. You will become more trusting in your partner and in yourself, knowing that you can handle possible disagreements. As a result, you will not put off difficult conversations with your spouse until the last. You will understand that it is better not to accumulate negative emotions, but to find out what is wrong as soon as possible.
2. After an argument, you will feel much better.
This way, if you can manage to express your emotions and let off steam, you will get rid of tension, anxiety and fear. This will have a positive effect on both your mental health and physical health.
This does not mean, of course, that you need to channel all your toxic thoughts onto your partner. Although sometimes it is better to express everything that is boiling than to keep it inside and wait until everything is formed by itself.
Greg Godek, author of Love: The Course They Forgot to Teach You in School, believes that the golden rule of ethics rarely works in real fights. Talking too carefully will get you nowhere. Therefore, sometimes it is better to release all emotions in order to finally figure out what the matter is.
The only rule to follow in quarrels is not to hit your partner or throw heavy objects at him. For the rest - go ahead: make noise, slam doors, swear with the last words. Do whatever you want if you feel it will help.
Greg is a godeck.
3. The partner learns about your thoughts and feelings.
No matter how close you are, your partner cannot read your thoughts. He probably just does not know how much a topic touches you.
At the same time, the question arises: how to convey your thoughts to your partner so that he perceives them correctly and does not take offense? Especially if these are some kind of claims in relation to him. How not to discourage him with his discontent?
Try not to blame, but to talk about your feelings, about how your partner's behavior reflects on you. Psychologists call this I - utterances. For example, you might say, "I'm already fed up with Your Work." I - a statement that conveys the same thought will sound like this: "I am very upset that you often come home late. I would like to spend more time together."
Quarrels are said to show all our worst traits. But they can also discover our best qualities if we tackle the hardest part of them.
4. you will get closer.
During fights, you figure out what is important to your partner, what he loves, what he wants, how he sets boundaries, how flexible he is, what hurts him, and what he needs to feel better.
In the event that you quarreled over the fact that your half is throwing socks around the apartment, the matter may be completely different. Perhaps the reason lies in respect and personal space, not neatness.
Greg is a godeck.
There is one more fact that must be mentioned. Sex after a spat is almost any quarrel. And he, too, will bring you closer to each other. In all senses.
5. You will understand that your soul mate is a separate person.
Quarrels very quickly dispel the illusion that you have already merged into one whole and achieved complete mutual understanding. It's even good if this never happens. So you can get to know each other from new sides all your life.
6. you will become better.
You learn to focus on the essentials. On the fact that your soul mate is very important to you and you want your loved one to be happy. So you become more patient, understanding and caring, learn to truly love.
When you're in the middle of a fight, you are clearly not in the mood for fun. You feel disgusting. In a sense, quarrels are reminiscent of sports training. Is it always nice to sweat in the gym? No. But this is how you pump your weaknesses.
Greg is a godeck.
To quarrel is to forge a sword from steel. Only after hardening, after repeated immersion in hot oil and cold water, you get a work of art that can survive any test. So it is with your union.
7. You will understand that you do not have to be perfect.
Fights show that you are only human. Sometimes you are in a bad mood, sometimes you are overwhelmed by stress, and sometimes you are simply tired. Accordingly, your relationship cannot be perfect either.
All your inner cockroaches, which you are aware of or not aware of, will make themselves felt in close relationships. It's unavoidable.
During a quarrel, our inner children come into contact. They are vulnerable and irrational. It's like you're two or three years old again. Therefore, when you are hurt, remember that a child is doing it. To do this, you can keep a baby photo of your beloved at hand. Hedi Schleifer, Licensed Consultant Psychologist, Director of the Relationship Therapy Center.

Constant quarrels in relationships. Why quarrels arise.

The fact that you are quarreling suggests that you care what happens between you. You are still not indifferent to each other. Otherwise, you would not react so violently to what is happening, there would be no heat of passion. However, the quarrel also suggests that not everything is as perfect and smooth between you as we would like. There is a problem that is causing the conflict.

A quarrel indicates a change in the situation and that your relationship as a couple is developing. It is the controversial issues and conflict situations that arise between loving people that force them to jointly seek a solution to the problem, try to change and become better in order to preserve their love.

Thanks to quarrels that ended in reconciliation, and conflicts, from which joint efforts managed to find a way out, couples raise their relationship to a new level. Such shakes are a kind of test for the strength of feelings for a couple who wants to be together.

Why relationship fights occur

Sometimes conflict situations can arise if people are already in a bad mood before the quarrel or in a negative state after a working day, exhaustion. Also, the reason for its occurrence may be a lack of understanding from the other side.

For example, a wife expects from her husband that, after eating, he will wash the dishes and clean up the table, but he does not, a conflict may arise. If the wife is busy and in a good mood, everything will work out, and she herself will be able to remove it, but otherwise it seems to be a trifle, or there may already be a reason or a reason for a quarrel.

Conflict situations are almost constantly triggered emotionally. Sometimes, in a strong quarrel, which started small, at the end, offensive or unpleasant phrases such as “I am sorry I met you!”, “How could I even allow you to become a part of my life ?!” Without even noticing, you can express everything that has boiled and sore over several years. The result is discomfort, mood spoils for both, nerves are frayed, but there are no conclusions, and this is the worst outcome of a quarrel.

Similar situations can occur for those couples who love each other very much. These kinds of quarrels only harm the relationship, and there are practically no results. You can move away from this in different ways: within an hour or after a few weeks. But, unfortunately, the fact of a quarrel may appear after a while. There are some rules for keeping quarrels to a minimum for both.

1. The quarrel, if it has already arisen, must have a good reason. In the example, one could simply answer: “I don’t like that you don’t wash after yourself the dishes and don’t clear the table.”

2. In case of mutual deviation from the topic of the quarrel, it is better to stop doing it.

3. It is definitely not worth pointing out the shortcomings, for example, with the words "Slob, inattentive, frivolous", because there is a discussion of the problem, and not the character of the person.

4. It is worth considering that if cleanliness is important to one, it may not be so important to another.

5. Under no circumstances should you be frightened of leaving your apartment for a short time, because a trifle can cause a divorce.

It is impossible to live life without quarrels. We quarrel with friends, parents and partner. There is nothing wrong with the conflict, because it often leads to the solution of problems and clears the atmosphere: "After a thunderstorm, the sun always comes." It is important, however, to be able to argue constructively, that is, to conduct an open, honest discussion, without shouting and violence.

But how can you argue calmly when negative emotions "are torn from within us"?

A quarrel in the beginning gives rise to anger, disagreement with the current situation. You should not suppress bad emotions in yourself, because they, in the end, will find a way out and break out with a vengeance at the least suitable moment.

Suppressed anger is a destructive force that carries a large energy charge. This energy can, however, be channeled into creative and rewarding activities, such as when you feel angry over you, go jogging in the park, clean the house, shake out the rugs, or go to the pool. Do something to prevent anger from ruining your relationship.

At the beginning of the development of a relationship, it is impossible to predict everything, so men and women face various difficulties. It seems that everything is fine, but after a few days misunderstandings, disputes, and then scandals begin. This is due to the fact that all people are different, and in a relationship with another person you have to reckon with his desires and principles.

But not everyone is used to making up, giving in and understanding, therefore, already at the beginning of a relationship, quarrels occur. Sometimes it ends with reconciliation and recognition of mistakes by each of the partners, but it also happens that couples break up. In this case, much depends on the woman herself, who can approach the situation as competently and wisely as possible. Breaking up a relationship is much easier than coming up with a strategy for communicating with your loved one and finding mutual understanding with him. If you want to fix the problem, rather than run away from it, then check out the recommendations below.

Why do fights happen at the beginning of a relationship?

Many people wonder about why fights occur at the very beginning of a relationship, and how long they will last. In fact, this is quite normal, because two completely different people want to start a life together. Do not forget that men and women are very different both in appearance and in thinking, so do not hope that your loved one will perfectly understand you in everything.

First, pay attention to the fact that at the beginning of the relationship, there is a grinding in of characters, so in this case, quarrels are inevitable. Someone conflicts very little, and someone cannot understand the partner, as a result of which quarrels occur. For example, suppose you enjoy taking a hot bath, while your boyfriend enjoys a refreshing cool shower.

In this case, the question arises regarding the purchase of plumbing, so sometimes you need to look for the most acceptable options for two. For many, quarrels occur exclusively at the initial stage of a relationship, because then people get used to each other and soberly evaluate all the pros and cons. If this person is perfect for you, then after a short amount of time you will find a common language and stop quarreling over trifles. If nothing changes between you, think about whether the person next to you is.

Maybe end the relationship because of a quarrel?

It often happens that the strength to endure a loved one simply does not remain, and separation seems to be the only logical option. This is a completely logical solution to the problem, but have you ever thought about the likelihood that you will not have the same with another man? Psychologists say that in order for the relationship between a man and a woman to be of high quality and normal, it is necessary to wait out the initial stage. But many do not have enough patience, which leads to parting.

Try not to pay attention to quarrels and scandals for a certain time, wait until relations between you return to normal. Do not forget that you can end the relationship at any time convenient for you. If you want to date or live with your former lover again, then it is unlikely that you will have everything the same. Try to go through this difficult stage for both of you, because if you want to be together, you will have to learn to deal with difficulties. In this case, you should not listen to your mother or friends, because they do not know all the features of the relationship between you, and they will only confuse you with their advice.

How to deal with quarrels in a new relationship?

If you do not know how to end endless quarrels and scandals, try to find the most alternative methods. For example, stop proving anything to your partner. It may be an argument about who is preparing dinner today, or maybe you want your loved one to stop showing his gentleness in certain life situations. Therefore, first of all, you will need to work on yourself.

As soon as you develop a reluctance to argue, you will notice that the man also stopped proving his case. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice, because this is building a huge wall between you. Talk over any misunderstanding in a quiet, calm voice, trying to find a compromise.

Learn to respect other people's space. Even before the relationship began, each of you had freedom, personal interests and hobbies that made you happy. After people create couples, there is a desire to control a partner and independently choose joint leisure. This is not worth doing, because this way you will break the feeling of inner comfort in your loved one and provoke a new quarrel.

Try to understand that a happy relationship is about loving, understanding, and appreciating your partner and their interests, regardless of your mood or principles. When you want to do something, be guided by how you would like your loved one to treat you.

Every family has problems and often conflicts. This is due to the fact that all people are different and sometimes thoughts about this or that do not coincide. This is how a conflict arises. If a married couple is familiar with this, one should not be discouraged that the family is breaking up. Conflicts are a normal phenomenon, and it is worth worrying if they do not exist, because this means that people accumulate all negative energy and keep it in themselves. In this case, sooner or later emotions will come out and everything will end rather badly.

There are many positive aspects to family conflicts. Firstly, quarrels teach spouses to be patient with each other, to listen to the opinion of their half, therefore, after a surge of emotions, the spouses become calmer.

Secondly, family quarrels further cement the relationship between spouses. If a husband and wife often quarrel, then this is a sign that their feelings have not cooled down yet, they still love each other and are not indifferent to the problems of their half. A quarrel teaches you to analyze your behavior, your character and improve as a person.

Also, a family conflict helps to solve the problem that caused the quarrel. If the problem is not discussed, it will not go anywhere. Therefore, dialogue, albeit in a raised tone, is better.

But there are a number of negative aspects to a fight. Very often, family quarrels are advertised. This is a huge mistake, because the family is a separate planet, where there is no place for strangers. Family conflicts should take place within the family, and no one has the right to pry their nose there.

Sometimes it happens that children are witnesses of spousal scandals. This should never be allowed. Firstly, the child forms a bad opinion about the parents for himself, and secondly, this is a very negative psychological factor.

Often, in a quarrel, a wife or husband can offend their soul mate. This is another negative side of family conflicts. It can be very difficult to control oneself in such moments, but it is simply necessary to do it, because insults spoken in hearts can make you very painful and engrave in your memory.

In a quarrel, you should not compare your soul mate with someone you know. This is a big mistake that forms certain complexes in the personality, and can also cause more than one conflict.

Be that as it may, you should always think about your soul mate, respect and love her, then the family will be strong and no quarrels will destroy it.

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There are many ways to avoid constant fights in a relationship, but do we always use this advice? Constant fights in a relationship are not normal. If you see that the quarrels do not stop, then you should take a look at the proposed ways to end this eternal struggle and start enjoying each other's company again. Remember that most fights arise when misunderstandings arise.

1. Do not stir up the past

This is a huge step, and you just need to learn it. I would say that this is the key point if you want to end the constant fights. Stop stirring up the past! The past is the past, and the more you remember, the more quarrels will arise. Memories often evoke a lot of old emotions, and this will never have a good effect on our current relationship.

2. Don't leave questions unresolved

I know that it is difficult, and you have probably heard about it more than once, but until the problem is solved and you feel resentment or anger, you should not go to bed with these emotions. This can make both of you even more offended, and the fight will drag on for a long time. Why not solve the problem before going to bed, or at least talk about it so both of them feel better?

3. Learn to accept each other

Everyone in this world has its own shortcomings, which you will have to face and some of them to put up with. You need to accept each other as you are. Your boyfriend never comes home with a bouquet of flowers, and your girlfriend is constantly whining, but this is what you need to learn to accept.

4. Find out the root of the problem

Every quarrel has its origin and root. If you find out what is the reason for this quarrel, then you can solve this problem and get rid of unnecessary quarrels. It won't be easy, but worth it!

5. Control yourself

One of my biggest problems is that when I start quarreling, I lose control of myself and cannot stop. It is difficult to admit that you are wrong, or to take the blame upon yourself. However, do this at least once. After all, this is the right decision that will make your partner appreciate you even more.

6. Ban on "But"

“But if you did this”, “but if you did that”, this “but” is enough, remove it from your vocabulary and forget that it exists. I used to use this "but" very often, and as soon as I got rid of it, all the fights stopped lasting so long. So curb your tongue!

7. Is this a recurring "performance"?

Is this the same question constantly popping up, and every time a quarrel ensues? The same thing over and over? Didn't you think it was a sign? If your quarrel revolves around one specific question, why not sit down and calmly discuss everything and put an end to constant quarrels on the same issue forever?

8. Remember this is important.

Finally, never forget that your relationship is very important and should be treasured. After all, you are together for a reason. It is difficult to remember this when you are quarreling, but this is so important!

Constant quarrels with a guy. Instructions

1. To stop quarreling with your loved one is much easier than it might seem. To begin with, take “preventive measures”. To stop fighting with your boyfriend, learn to engage in constructive dialogue. Learn to listen and hear your loved one, as well as explain your position, without getting personal, not giving free rein to your emotions. Teach your boyfriend the same.

2. To stop fighting with your boyfriend, be willing to make compromises. It is impossible to have the same point of view on all issues, and the interests of lovers will not always coincide. Therefore, the search for a third option that will suit both lovers can be a good way out of any conflict situation.

3. Stop quarreling with your loved one, learning to discuss problems and compromise, it will be easier. But sometimes emotions literally overwhelm, not allowing to think well about the strategy of behavior. If you're ready to take on your boyfriend, try to get your emotions under control. Try deep, slow breathing, count to ten. During this time, emotions will subside a little, and you will be able to understand that a calm discussion will give you much more than shouts and mutual reproaches.

4. You can stop quarreling with a guy if you sometimes let him cool down. If you have learned to control your emotions, then your boyfriend may not have this skill. If this is the case, and your loved one starts up "half a turn", let him cool down his ardor. Sometimes it is helpful to turn the conversation to another topic. By discarding your emotions, you will be able to solve your problems much more effectively.

5. To stop fighting with your loved one, learn to switch and joke. Psychologists have proven that humor and aggression are incompatible. Once you start laughing, you will no longer be able to quarrel with each other. And when you have calmed down, you can move on to discussing the situation. Sometimes, instead of humor, you can use tenderness and affection. No guy can resist such a weapon in women's hands.

note

After some time of "correct" behavior, lovers get used to this order of things. If at first such communication is difficult, then, over time, you will increasingly use these skills in resolving your conflicts.

Helpful advice

If an argument does occur, apologize to each other. After a while, try to solve the problem in a calm environment.

Relationship fight video

Quarrels in relationships arises when disagreements begin on any issue and no one wants to give in or give up their desires to the detriment of themselves.

Such quarrels can be caused by little things, which can develop into a real conflict, and, as a result, to family ruin.

And today we'll talk about how to learn to quarrel correctly, if all the same quarrels happen in your relationship? And is it worth ignoring quarrels, forgetting about them, accumulating resentment in your secret?

Remember the saying: "Lovely ones scold, only amuse themselves," I am sure you have heard it more than once. Do you agree with this?

I will say this, if these are cute squabbles, cute jokes, then it smoothes the situation. They help not only to reduce the tension that arise in the relationship, but sometimes they can serve as a kind of sexual prelude.

If the quarrels become irreconcilable and aggressive, then, of course, it is difficult to call it fun. A conflict is born, a misunderstanding, which must be dealt with separately. And the same essence of discord can be perceived differently by different people.

Quarrels in relationships arise for various reasons and reasons, but it is worthwhile to understand one thing that the conflict should be resolved, not run away from it. When you keep quiet about something, it still creates an atmosphere of distrust, and if you talk, the relationship becomes clearer and becomes much closer and stronger.

The reasons for quarrels in a relationship before marriage are different from quarrels in a family. For example, as soon as romance disappears, when lovers are fascinated by each other, the next stage comes - seeing each other through a more real prism, and here claims and disappointments can arise.

Between spouses, quarrels are already more painful in nature, when grinding has already arisen and all the habits of each other are familiar. This is already a psychology of self-improvement, when it is necessary to learn to treat each other more condescendingly.

Quarrels in relationships. How to quarrel correctly?

Scientists argue that quarreling is beneficial and better than accumulating resentment. In part, I agree with the scientists. negative emotions cannot be kept in oneself, they must be given away, released. But, you can change the policy of your behavior and perception in a relationship, which will help to completely get rid of these unpleasant scandals.

First, it is useful to quarrel, the main thing is not often

If you are asked when you had a fight the last time, and you answer that you do not remember, then this is the best of the best options.

Go in a quarrel to the end

Open up completely, express what you don't like, what annoys you, what has accumulated inside. It is important that this foreplay does not last more than two hours. As a rule, during this period of time your vessel is emptied and you are already ready for reconciliation. If you are still boiling like a kettle, then it is better to disperse and let each other cool down, think.

No witnesses or demonstrations of your conflicts

Concentrate on one thing

If you start stirring up the past, a lot of something old will emerge, then you are unlikely to resolve the real essence of the conflict. It is best to do everything gradually and in a timely manner.

Forget about offensive words that demean your partner

Find other words expressing your dissatisfaction, this can and should be done, at least for the sake of your love and feelings.

Forget about the weaknesses and vulnerabilities that you know about.

Otherwise, be indignant until the situation is cleared up.

And the last

After the squabble and clarification of the relationship, talk, find a compromise or a common denominator that suits both parties. At the same time, it is important to agree and take responsibility not to avoid the established rules or key points of your disagreements.

Quarreling, as a rule, they bring a couple closer together only if everything is done correctly and not make a fascinating cult out of it! always undergoes ups and downs, the main thing is not to let each other fall painfully, because we are the closest people to each other.

And now a short video on how to quarrel correctly, useful nuances:

When two people love each other and want to be together, it’s no wonder they’re worried about the conflicts that arise between them. Regular scandals, and even often over trifles, exhaust both and threaten the future family happiness. Whether quarrels between a man and a woman are the norm, how to turn them into a constructive dialogue and what method of reconciliation is correct - psychology gives answers to all these painful questions.

Are fights in a relationship normal?

First, you need to stop believing in myths that are firmly entrenched in the minds of many people.

Myth 1. There is no relationship without quarrels.

There are many sayings on this topic such as "Relationships without quarrels are like soup without salt." This common myth is reassuring, as it suggests that this is the norm, that your couple is not the only one and whoever you start dating, collisions are inevitable.

In fact, about 18% of couples do not fight. On the one hand, this is an insignificant figure. On the other hand, it destroys the myth that it is impossible to build relationships without scandals. However, here it is worth taking a closer look at the reasons for such a peaceful coexistence:

10% of couples do not quarrel because they have more than 10 years of living together;
3% do not see the point in this, because for some reason they both benefit from this relationship, and they turn a blind eye to the rest (marriages of convenience);
5% are, rather, an exception: in these couples, people of the same temperament came together with similar views on life, both calm, wise and not conflicting.

One more point. It is not always worth believing those who deliberately convinces everyone that there are no quarrels with their soulmate. Perhaps they simply do not want to bring these issues to the public and are trying to maintain the status of good and peaceful relations.

A case from practice. The young man tried in vain to build relationships with girls. Each time, frequent quarrels and irreconcilable conflicts became the reason for parting. He began to visit a psychologist and after a while said that he had found the one who did not give him hysterics, was not jealous over trifles, did not put forward impossible demands. Happiness did not last long: after a year and a half, he found out that all this time she was cheating on him, and she lived with him because of the apartment in which they lived together. And she did not make any claims for one single reason: she did not love him, and she did not care where he was, with whom and why she did not compliment her.

Myth 2. Quarrels strengthen relationships

Yes, there are arguments in psychology to support this:

after them, the soul becomes calmer, because the grievances are expressed;
they show that both partners are imperfect;
this is a reason to think about the adequacy and reality of your desires and claims;
prevention of egocentrism: it is in quarrels that people understand that the other also has the right to defend their interests;
both know what the other half thinks about them and what the other half feels.

Despite all the arguments, quarrels do not always strengthen the union of two hearts. If they occur once a month and their cause is not over-salted borscht, but in serious situations, they can be beneficial. An adrenaline rush, expressing your point of view, listening to your partner, solving a problem - all this is necessary to build a good relationship. But, if violent scandals with shouts to the whole house occur almost daily, and the reason for them is a sideways glance or a five-minute delay at work, they do not carry anything good in themselves.

Understand for yourself that a quarrel is a quarrel. If partners can contain their emotions and are focused on maintaining the relationship, they will carry a rational and healthy kernel. If scandals are accompanied by screams, hysteria, fights, this often becomes the reason for parting.

Stumbling blocks

If your goal is to get rid of fights in a relationship, you need to sit down and discuss with your partner what is most often the cause of them. According to psychologists, in each pair they are the same:

jealousy, lack of attention, betrayal, flirting, lack of romance;
different characters, temperaments, lifestyles, views, political convictions, social statuses, interests;
issues of upbringing children, relationships with parents;
household, financial, housing problems;
addictions: alcoholic, drug, game;
dissatisfaction in bed.

Once the major stumbling blocks have been identified, try to figure out their size.

There are large ones, on which the future of the couple depends. For example, whether to forgive a partner after betrayal. In this case, you need to sit down for a serious and constructive dialogue, during which three issues are calmly discussed:

What does the partner want?
What do you want?
How can these desires be reconciled?

If you can't come to a consensus on your own, psychologists will help to resolve the conflict peacefully and stop quarrels.

There are smaller stones that are no less exhausting than large ones. These are trifles like the one who does not turn off the light in the toilet in the evening or why he greeted some girl on the street. If such clashes occur frequently and result in major scandals, you need to sit down and write down the rights and responsibilities in the relationship. To the point of ridiculousness: before going to bed, I check to see if the lights are off everywhere, and you, in turn, do not look at other girls. Believe me, this seems absurd only from the outside. In fact, when everything is scheduled, there will be fewer conflicts.

8 common causes of family quarrels and detailed instructions on what to do. About it - .

Line of conduct during a quarrel

It is impossible to predict everything. Even if you have resolved the underlying causes of the fights, no one is immune from the contingencies. If a scandal does break out, try to behave correctly:

do not Cry;
do not let go of your hands;
do not insult your partner, do not remember the past;
do not ignore his words, do not interrupt;
do not throw things, do not break dishes;
do not involve a third party in the conflict;
do not blackmail with phrases like "I am leaving", "I am filing for divorce."

If the situation gets out of hand, you need to calmly but firmly say that you do not intend to endure it anymore and resume the conversation only after the storm has died down. The second scenario is to approach your loved one, hug and ask for forgiveness.

It also happens that it is incredibly difficult to restrain yourself. Especially when an endless stream of insults and reproaches rush to your address. In order not to sink to the same level and not break loose when the nerves are already at the limit, it is better to break the plate.

A few more tips from psychologists on how to behave during a quarrel with your loved one:

look into his eyes, do not lose eye contact;
say "we" instead of "me" or "you";
ask questions what he / she feels, wants;
listen to the end;
try to catch the rhythm of his breathing and breathe in unison with him - this way you can calm him down by submitting to your more measured beat.

The wiser you behave during conflicts, the softer they will proceed and the faster they will end. This will help maintain a healthy relationship and avoid breakups.

A case from practice. She is a doctor. He is a person suffering from high blood pressure since childhood. They quarreled often. Since during the experience of strong negative emotions, stress hormones are released in the body, his blood pressure jumped, his head began to spin, he became ill. She, seeing him in such a state, tried to stop the scandals, but he did not calm down. In the end, she found a way out how to cool him down at such moments, literally and figuratively: she soaked a towel in cold water and made compresses on his forehead and wrists. The quarrel ended within 5 minutes.

Reconciliation

If a scandal has already occurred, the question always arises of how to return the old relationship after a quarrel. The truce will depend on how much each partner needs it. If both want it, it will be quick and non-traumatic. If only one person makes contact, in the end he will get tired of it - parting is inevitable. If both are too proud to ask for forgiveness, the breakup will happen soon.

What you can do to resume your relationship after an argument:

ask for forgiveness (if you are to blame);
calmly discuss a painful problem, find a solution and never return to it;
arrange a conciliatory dinner;
dumbfounded your partner with good news so that he would forget about the quarrel: “I'm pregnant”, “Marry me”, “I bought a chinchilla”, “I love you” (if this is the first declaration of love);
make a gift (from elementary but romantic daisies to the latest iPhone);
write an SMS or a note, record a video.

In fact, there are a lot of ways of reconciliation. When choosing, many factors matter:

The nature of the partner: someone will put up only after a gorgeous bouquet, and someone will only have a compliment.
Age of relationship: Young people need romance with a rooftop dinner, while older people can make up over a cup of tea and bagels.
Degree of guilt: for a broken vase, you can simply ask for forgiveness, but for the dented bumper of your beloved "swallow" husband, this will not be enough.
The scope of the quarrel: if it was just an argument in a raised voice, it can be easier and faster to make peace, and after a scandal that all the neighbors heard, it takes some time to calm down.

Consider all of these points when you want to renew a relationship. Remember that each pair is unique. What worked for Vicki and Vasya may turn out to be absolutely useless in your case. Look for the best ways, but never drag out the truce. A day is the maximum for a person to come to his senses, calm down and be ready to build bridges.

Prophylaxis

In order not to bring the matter to scandals, psychologists give advice on how to avoid quarrels in a relationship:

communicate: talk to each other every day so that there are no unexplored spots on the map of your relationship;
spend leisure time together: go out of town, go to the cinema, visit exhibitions, make a common circle of acquaintances - there will be no energy or time left for quarrels;
study each other, ask questions about what they like and vice versa - this should be done throughout life;
do not hesitate to show love for each other, give gifts and compliments more often;
be honest, even if the truth is unpleasant;
when a serious problem is brewing, it is better to seek help from a third party (the best option is a psychologist).

Special cases

Frequent quarrels in relationships

What if the fights in the relationship are constant? Psychologists advise partners to disperse for 2-3 days and reflect on whether you need this relationship or not. If you are bored, you are drawn to each other, then it makes sense to work on yourself for the sake of a joint future. If everyone calmly maintains this pause and does not seek to resume the old connection, there is no need to deceive oneself: sooner or later, but the break will happen.

First quarrels

The first quarrel in a relationship is especially difficult. Before her, everything seems romantic and fabulous: your couple is just perfect, and there is no reason for scandals. But the tipping point could come any minute. As a rule, some trifle becomes the cause. Most often, it all ends with a sweet reconciliation, but sometimes it gives the first crack. Partners begin to realize that their relationship is not perfect. Moreover, in a conflict situation, they see each other in a new capacity. Not cute smiling fluffy bunnies, but offended, angry and crying.

The main thing is to draw the right conclusions: if a man, having become inflamed, hit his woman, such a relationship should not be continued. Or if a guy caught a girl cheating, even if they met for only a month, such a union has no future.

Quarrels at the beginning of a relationship take off rose-colored glasses and return to reality. However, it is necessary to start building a joint future. The bouquet and candy period cannot last forever, you need to move on to the next, more serious stage. And sometimes it is conflicts that help to do this.

Quarrels in a relationship at a distance

Many consider this to be one of the most difficult situations. After a quarrel with a loved one, when he is hundreds or thousands of kilometers away from you, many ways of reconciliation are unavailable. Not to give a bouquet, not to go to a restaurant, not to hug and kiss. In addition, the offended half may not pick up the phone, not answer SMS, or go to Skype with enviable persistence. All this is very annoying.

On the other hand, consider the pros. Firstly, most often the quarrel occurs over the phone, so the maximum that you can do is yell at each other, offend with words. But there will be no smashing of dishes, assault and faces twisted from anger. Secondly, if the relationship is really important, you can always take a ticket for the weekend and rush to your loved one, make an unexpected surprise. Anyone will melt from this method of reconciliation.

The relationship of a man and a woman is a boat moving along a river. Stones, rapids, bad weather will always interfere with her calm swimming. Salvation depends on the competent joint management of it. Therefore, learn to row and do not let it roll over.