Why are the wives of the rich dissatisfied with their lives? The wives of the rich also cry. and Cinderella, who became unfortunate princesses. A friend has a rich husband

Only rare original women dream of marrying a captain. The rest of the women are more traditional in their choice: a successful businessman or a wealthy banker is enough for them. Here are just those who succeed, literally in a month they begin to toil and suffer. Some from idleness, some from lack of freedom, some from inattention. So is it really happiness to marry a businessman?

Happiness!

You are a woman of a demonstrative personality: bright, artistic, noticeable in any crowd. It is these who are taken as wives by the "new Russians". Outwardly, you are just a godsend for any businessman: with you "it's not a shame to show yourself anywhere."

You don't quarrel over lack of money like most young families do.

Soon it will start to seem to you that he only thinks about money. And he doesn't even notice that you're around.

He is never at home: he has important meetings, responsible events, gatherings after midnight in the company of business partners from Kamchatka and periodic business trips to distant lands. And there is simply no one to appreciate your amazing styling and intricate nail art.

You spend most of your time at home, slowly but surely turning into a domestic chicken.

He is not talkative. He has enough communication at work, he wants to relax at home, and not discuss the premiere of "The Matrix" or your new hairstyle.

He's very tired. Therefore, he will prefer football or a computer to communicate with you.

He is constantly at work. Even when he's making love to you, you can't be sure he's thinking about you, not about rising oil prices.

He is always busy. You feel lonely and abandoned and sob on the shoulder of your beloved friend Masha - your faithful companion in shopping and visiting theaters.

Your friend Masha is secretly jealous of you and will never understand your suffering.

It's so busy that you haven't been to the sea in years.

You are addicted. From her husband's money, his career success, rising oil prices. Even being completely free in their actions.

You quarrel because of the lack of attention and his indifference.

Even in a friendly company, the conversation invariably turns to business, and you feel like Alice in Wonderland. You don't understand anything and you can't carry on a conversation.

He is so busy that you don't often find yourself in a position that favors heirs. Therefore, you live on a starvation sexual ration.

He is a good father. But he devotes catastrophically little time to communicating with children.

And the sweet life is sometimes bitter.

If you are the same age, then it is likely that closer to the age of 40 he will go to another family to his young mistress.

As you can see, the life of a rich husband's wife is not a cloudless fairy tale. This is real art. The art of being always in shape and not having illusions that you will certainly be appreciated. The art of not asking unnecessary questions, the art of being in the know, the art of compromise in something, the art of understanding without words and giving support. But the main thing is the art of love. Without him, any family is doomed to failure, no matter how rich her husband is.

My friend Alla, at first glance, can be envied. A rich businessman husband allows her not to work, but to calmly raise two children. She lives in a beautiful apartment in the city center, drives a nice car, vacations abroad and dresses expensively. But at the same time, Alla has been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for many years now. “That's it ... I can't do it anymore,” she calls me after every family scandal to let off steam. “Yesterday again…” And he complains about his “despot”…

According to her friend, she has to “knock out” money for household and purchases from her husband and account for every little thing. Coming home from work, the husband constantly splashes fatigue and irritation on her and the children. He cheats on Alla with his secretaries and suede. And if she tries to rebel, she rudely puts him in his place, reminding him that she is nobody without him.

Twice my girlfriend, an economist by education, took a job to start an independent life. But every time she quickly quit and returned to her native well-fed “swamp” and to a familiar state of depression. Difficulties were frightening.

Her story is no exception. I have a lot of women I know who live in the same conditions. About why the wives of rich men are considered a psychological risk group - says psychologist Marina Karpunina.

- There is an opinion that the desire to marry a rich man is natural for every woman. Like, the female is always looking for a strong male to protect her offspring. Is it really true?

“In fact, the desire to marry a rich man is so ... strange. As if the choice is made in the market. It's like wanting to marry, for example, only a blond. As a rule, girls who dream of rich suitors are brought up in a parental family in conditions of acute shortage. It can be a family with a dependent dad (an alcoholic, for example). Such girls enter into marriage with the attitudes: “I don’t want to live like my mother” or “I will never beg.” They see their salvation in a wealthy husband, but in fact they fall from one addiction into another (even if they don’t realize it).

All this is from infantilism. A healthy marriage can only be built when you don't expect the other person to solve your problems. It is an illusion to consider a man as a male who needs to be taken into his hands so that he will provide you with everything in life - this is an illusion.

- Yes, many women have such attitudes! Some, having successfully married, put an end to the profession. Rich husbands are not interested in their wives disappearing at work. This is how dependent housewives become.

- Sometimes I ask such women in the forehead - how much is your freedom? They begin to argue that they will lose if they refuse their husband's money. That's how much you need for cosmetics, so much for clothes, so much for beauty salons ... I honestly tell them: you may not have all this if ... And then women think.

And some frankly - albeit with despondency - admit that they are not ready to give up material comfort in order to stand on their own feet, feel their separateness, significance, in order to develop professionally ... They admit that they are ready to endure. But from now on, at least they make their choice consciously.

– At the same time, most housewives have problems with money. For my friend, for example, her husband gives out a small amount for groceries every day. And any purchase for yourself and children must be negotiated separately. All this, according to her, is very humiliating ...

- According to my observations, those women who know how to play different roles, to reincarnate, feel easier in financially dependent relationships. Somewhere they can beg with tears, and somewhere severely demand. And that's how they get their way. Women who are not capable of this are usually content with what they are given. At the same time, it seems to them that if they had more money, the quality of their whole life would also change. But in reality this is a misconception. You can’t change the inner feeling of yourself with the help of money.

It all depends on the woman herself. If some lofty goals have not been laid down since childhood, for the sake of which she will move and “flutter” in this life, then, of course, you can smoke on the balcony for 12 years with longing in your eyes, or go to beauty salons, or endlessly clean pots.

But I know housewives who volunteer or do charity work. And this allows them to give themselves an internal “plus”: this world needs me, and not just my family. Money is a blessing that can be used in different ways.

- The wives of the rich usually have to enter into fierce competition with other women who - just gape! - the faithful will be taken away. Many are forced to put up with the fact that the husband has a mistress ...

But that's the problem with any marriage. It seems to many that after the wedding it is already possible to relax. Although in fact, from this moment everything is just beginning. We keep spinning in a world where there are other individuals of the opposite sex. We keep looking around and we may see someone more attractive on the outside or more interesting on the inside. We continue to live in this temptation.

And in this contradictory situation, you need to be able to constantly ask yourself the question: why should a person come back to me every day? If there is a reason, then he will come, no matter what he has on the side. So the question of female competition is a question of your own need and significance for this person and for yourself.

For some, betrayal is a tragedy, a knife in the back. Some people can't deal with it. But sometimes such couples come to family therapy and suddenly discover with surprise that cheating is not “horror-horror-horror”. There are families that continue to live together after infidelity.

As a rule, wealthy men are very powerful. Wives have to give in and put up with the fact that the husband will always have the last word. It lowers my self esteem...

- I think that among wealthy men there are also self-sufficient ones who will not assert themselves and rule at the expense of their loved ones. They don't need it.
Of course, if money and power is a way for him to prove to the world that he is a king and a god, then his wife and children will be suppressed. And in the family, he will relieve tension, of which he really has a lot.

- Probably, it is basically impossible to build healthy partnerships with such men?

- If the partners still hear each other and are ready to do something, to change, then, it seems to me, it is possible. As long as there is an emotional life in marriage with any vector - conflicts or stormy joy, then this is not a sentence yet. That's when there is already an emotional ashes - nothing else starts, does not hurt, there is nothing to talk about - such relationships, as a rule, cannot be saved.

And if a woman is dear to a man, if he is ready to yield to her in some way, if he takes her requests and needs seriously, then even dependent relationships can be built humanly. I am absolutely sure that the strength of a man is not in wealth, but in the ability to respect a woman and help her.

... After another unsuccessful exit of my friend Alla to work, she again sat down at home. It seemed to me that the new experience of hard working days had a sobering effect on her, and Alla made her final conscious choice in favor of the “golden cage”. Since then, she has stopped complaining about her husband and no longer stutters about divorce. But now she began to take offense at her health - apparently, something on a nervous basis ...

I first encountered this problem a very long time ago, in the days that are now called "deep stagnation." I then worked in a very prestigious crisis hospital at that time, and a lady with a nervous breakdown was brought to us, the wife of a representative in Moscow of some Danish trading company. We, accustomed to our unfortunate patients, who often completely cease to look after themselves in grief, were amazed when an unusually well-groomed lady entered the office, dressed in the latest Parisian fashion (at least, it seemed to us, who bought their best outfits in Moskvichka "on Kalininsky, - and after all, the staff of the "crisis" was envied by all the hospital doctors and sisters). So, Milena - even her name was unusual, not in our way - floated into the office, spreading the delicate aroma of French perfume around her, with a barely noticeable movement straightened her hair, causing the naughty curl to fall picturesquely on her forehead, sat down comfortably, crossed her legs and proceeded to story.

Understand, I just can’t stand it anymore,” she said, holding some unusually thin and long cigarette in her hand and occasionally puffing on it, “receptions almost every day! And every evening I have to be dressed, combed and smile at the guests! And last time my servant bought not beef at the market, but lamb, and the consul does not eat it, my husband made a scandal to me! Yes, and she cleans the apartment slipshod, sometimes, you just won’t believe it, I myself have to wash the dust, and after all, there are five rooms in the apartment!

We listened - and did not understand, well, did not understand anything. And she continued, she told us something about the will, which her husband would not be going to rewrite in such a way that in the event of his death at least part of his fortune would go to her and her son, and not to the children from her first marriage, that she was always afraid that something will happen to him; here is the husband of this friend, also a firm, a month ago he died in a plane crash, but he nevertheless rewrote the will shortly before the misfortune, so Anna is now well provided for ... That she does not sleep at night, thinking about it, that she was ready to be rude to the consul and only by an effort of will she forced herself to restrain herself, that she was for the first time in her life! - threw a cup at her husband and screamed that she did not want to live with him, but he got scared, called his friends, and they immediately brought him to us.

Finally, the manager was able to insert her word into the stream of outpourings:

Milena, don't you think that you are mad about fat?

Milena fell silent, and her face - beautiful, well-groomed, but by no means stupid - reflected the work of thought. Finally, having decided something for herself, she stated in a confident tone:

Well, you can go crazy with fat!

At that time, we were amazed to the depths of our souls - we faced such a problem for the first time in many years of the existence of a service for the prevention of extreme conditions in the country. Maybe we could understand her, get to the bottom of all the problems, if we had enough time, and there just wasn’t time, because her husband took her away on the same day - some kind of delegation was expected, and he didn’t could do without the mistress of the house at the next appointment. Charming Milena flew away from us, leaving behind a barely perceptible aroma of French perfume and the impression of some kind of exotic life incomprehensible to us with problems equally incomprehensible to ordinary Soviet people. She didn’t have anything serious, she let it out - and that turned out to be enough, because they brought her to us only because her rich husband recognized only the best establishments and would never have turned to ordinary Soviet doctors.

This phrase of hers remained in my memory: “Well, you can go crazy with fat!” And much later, in our day, encountering in my work with the wives of rich people, I realized that she was right. Who has liquid cabbage soup, and who has small pearls, and the rich also have their own problems, and they are tormented no less than the poor by their own conflict situations, and sometimes even more - because they do not have to fight for their daily bread, and nothing does not distract from experiences, besides, they really have something to lose.

We now have a lot of rich people and, accordingly, rich families, especially in large cities. And in these families there are such problems that our women have never faced before and do not even know how to approach their solution. Still, before, even in wealthy Soviet nomenklatura families, no one had any idea what private property was. Maybe that's why wives clung to their husbands, considering them as the only thing that really belongs to them? Remember how V. Voinovich in "Chonkin": "Mine! Another time he will come across such that there is nothing to look at: crooked, hunchbacked, drinks money away, beats his wife and children half to death. It would seem, why does she need such a thing? She would have thrown him, and that's all, but she doesn't. My! Good or bad, but still not yours, not hers. My!"

Of course, I so want to get out of poverty, and even more so out of poverty! It seems that there will be money - and all problems will be resolved, there will be no this humiliating calculation of pennies before payday, a child can always be pampered with bananas, and I myself will finally throw away this fur coat that I have been wearing for ten years in a row! But there is money - but there is no happiness. Sometimes because it is not your money, not your property, but your husband and you cannot dispose of it, and the way he does it simply humiliates you. And sometimes because there is money, and the husband has moved away from you - he is already becoming strangers. In general, there are a lot of options for the unfortunate wives of rich husbands.

About five years ago, when the film "Intergirl" was released, the profession of a foreign exchange prostitute took first place in terms of prestige among Soviet schoolgirls. Luckily, a few things have changed since then, but those are the reasons. who pushed the girls onto the panel, which seemed so attractive to them from the outside, remained. They are tired of looking at their early aged. exhausted mothers who honestly worked all their lives, and ask themselves the question: is the same thing waiting for me? At first glance, one of the best ways to avoid such a fate is to marry a rich man. Of course, I would like it out of love, but you can, in extreme cases, and by calculation ... Why is the story of Cinderella so popular? So many films, and now also countless "romance novels" (although in the West they are called "novels for maids") are devoted to this eternal theme of all times and peoples: from the very bottom of society, from poverty and dirt to princesses, and the prince is not only handsome and charming, but, of course, rich ... True, all these stories end with a wedding, and then what? In fact, there are a lot of options for such a Cinderella's married life, we will not dwell on happy options, we will better consider those when family life does not add up.

So, Lisa. Beautiful, young, capable, behind the shoulders of an English special school and two courses at the Institute of Foreign Languages. I've been married for three years now and have a year old child. The daughter of simple engineers, very intelligent and nice people, from childhood she strove to achieve as much as possible in this life. She met her future husband when she worked part-time in his company as an interpreter - she was patronized by acquaintances of her parents. So she entered the circle of wealthy people and very quickly accepted Robert's offer - he was rich, handsome, lucky and looked after her very beautifully, and she, as she now says, also fell head over heels in love with him. Alas. disappointment came very quickly. The husband turned out to be terribly jealous and if he didn’t keep her locked up, then at least he didn’t let her go anywhere alone, so she even came to me in the company of a security guard: he escorted the hostess to the door, made sure that the doctor was a woman, and went wait in the car. It turned out that, a native of the sunny Caucasus, Robert was utterly spoiled by his mother and older sisters - these women simply prayed for their only son and brother. Naturally, he expected the same worship and admiration from his wife. The fine manners with which Robert shone in society and which once conquered Lisa disappeared completely - he quickly turned into a domestic tyrant who could make a scandal about washed socks (“Mom would never have let me wear such a thing!”), but he could simply, without ceremony, give a slap in the face if he did not like something. The wife should stay at home and serve her husband. Work? At first, he still somehow endured while she was studying at the institute, but as soon as she became pregnant (and the pregnancy was difficult), he said: “Enough, first give birth to a healthy child.” So Lisa actually ended up under house arrest.

At first glance, she has everything: clothes, jewelry, fur coats, she does not have to worry about how to feed her family, the car takes her to any store on demand, her husband takes her to expensive restaurants, takes her to prestigious resorts and is very proud of her charming wife when he occasionally takes her with him to appointments. But Lisa has the feeling that she is in a trap from which there is no way out. In fact, she has nothing: even the car in which she drives is registered not in her name, but in her husband's company. She doesn’t have her own money either: her husband only generously gives her pocket money, but this is minuscule compared to his already not millions - billions. In addition, it so happened that her younger brother fell seriously ill, and Robert also gives money for her treatment, and the family of her parents, regrettably, financially depends on him; besides, he was promised to them, who live in the Khrushchev, to buy a good apartment in order to somehow make life easier for the boy rooted to a wheelchair, but so far he is in no hurry to fulfill this promise.

By the way, this is quite typical for the psychology of some modern businessmen: the wife belongs to me, and she should not have anything of her own, then she is completely dependent on me. It even comes to the point of absurdity. For example, a girl from a family far from poor by our previous standards marries our nouveau riche, she even has her own car. Some time passes, and the husband says: “Why do you need such an outdated model? Let's buy you a decent car!" And, having sold the old Zhiguli, he buys her an Opel or Volvo - but he registers the car in his own name or, in extreme cases, in his company. Do you think this is an isolated case? The funny thing is, no! I have faced this many times. In general, what is yours is mine, and what is mine is only mine!

What should poor Lisa do? After all, this is not the life she dreamed of! She dreamed of an interesting, rich life, like the wonderful life of rich people, which she read about in the novels of Harold Robins - she read them in school. Instead, it's empty. She feels herself becoming dumb from idleness (even a child doesn’t really need her - he has a nanny, after all), how her brains “melt”, her energy finds no way out, and she rushes about within the walls of her apartment, furnished in the style of Louis - prestigious, terribly expensive, but uncomfortable. Will she really become the same as her husband's sisters - hung with gold, aged early women, abandoned by their husbands, whose meaning of life is household chores and endless gossip?

At first she endured everything because she loved, and everything else seemed unimportant. But Robert very quickly killed this love in her. There is no need to talk about any spiritual connection between them - it never existed. The physical lasted longerattraction, but now she has become indifferent to it, even rather disgusting, and her husband is insatiable ... Gradually, Lisa’s sleep worsened, tears now and then welled up in her eyes, the world lost all its colors, how to live on, she doesn’t know ... if not for the child and not a sick brother, she would have left, and so ... where will she go? She doesn’t even have anyone to talk about it with, her mother is an unfortunate woman, ready to pray for her Robie, and her friends who remained from school would look at her like she was crazy.

By the way, in this story it is necessary to pay attention to one more detail. Lisa's husband is from the Caucasus, a man, as we used to say, of "Caucasian nationality." I hate this expression, and therefore I will immediately explain it could be Russian, born and raised there and adopted, like many Russian-speaking, local patriarchal customs. Of course, this can be expressed in different ways, but the essence is this: the head of the family is a man, among women only the mother has the right to vote, daughters-in-law must meekly obey their mother-in-law and older daughters-in-law. The husband earns money, while the wife does not work, takes care of the house and raises children, and higher education for women is not only not necessary, but most often it is undesirable. In intelligent families, the attitude towards such traditions is more flexible, but everyone must strictly obey certain customs: for example, if a son marries or a daughter marries without the consent of the family, this is regarded as an emergency, a disobedient person can be cursed; in Russian families, this is far from a tragedy.

I have always said and continue to say that in addition to love, a family needs much more: respect for each other, similarity of tastes and interests, spiritual affinity, so it happened that friends and colleagues reproached me for snobbery: what does it mean to marry a man of his circle? This means that spouses always have something to talk about with each other and it is easier for them to find a common language in conflict situations. Alas, in Liza's family there is no need to talk about any common ideals, about any spiritual connection. Now Lisa and Robert are completely strangers under the same roof, and Robert is also not satisfied with his marriage: his wife behaves in a completely different way, as he imagined her weight should be, and herself an exemplary wife, such as his mother was and is for father. Liza's family didn't have any of that. Maybe if Robert was not a magic prince in Lisa's imagination, she would have thought - her head is not bad, but alas ... she was blinded.

Who can help her? Only herself. I won't hesitate to decide for her what she should do. Maybe she will endure this life for some more time. Unfortunately, in order to establish family life, the will of both parties is needed, and it is not in the nature of her husband to compromise. to a psychologist. To be honest, I just don’t know what images can save this marriage, unless Lisa will have to completely degrade - that’s how she herself determined what she thinks is happening to her.

Very often, a woman, getting married to be “behind her husband like behind a stone wall”, instead finds herself behind barbed wire - a prisoner first of her own illusions, and then of a completely real man who considers himself the owner of both her soul and her body. I've always been an opponent of militant feminism, but sometimes, encountering such patients, I understand how you can hate all men - starting with your own husband.

By the way, the marriage of Lisa and Robert, a young and passionate man, began as a harmony, if not of the soul, then of the body. But this is not always the case. Many of our businessmen are older people, and by the time they reach a stable financial position, their sexual needs and opportunities are already fading away. The old wife no longer causes any desire, and it seems to them that with a young and beautiful woman they will become young again. Another illusion!

By the way, it's not just about age. Once upon a time there was a lot of talk about workers who "burn at work." So, now, perhaps, no one works as hard as businessmen, and they work for wear and tear, work with great stress, making money sucks all the juice out of them. The emotional connection with the world is gradually lost, they are no longer interested in anything, it is not the physical opportunity to be with a woman that is lost, but this need simply disappears, libido, according to Freud, disappears for purely psychological reasons - just everything in their world values ​​are turned upside down. They don’t want anything anymore ... By the way, the film “Nine and a Half Weeks”, which triumphantly passed on our video screens, is not at all a story of sexual perversion, as many people think. normal men, and only but in extremely unusual situations, when additional impulses arise, he is still capable of sexual intercourse, in other cases he is completely impotent. This is very serious and without the pranks of the psychotherapist will not do here. Sometimes men in their prime are themselves horrified and turn to sexologists, sometimes their wives bring them; but very often spouses in such marriages live side by side, not having sexual relations for months and years.

What a man feels at the same time does not interest us in this case, but a young woman who lives with her husband in such an almost virginal marriage is having a bad time. If the wife is financially independent and her husband has impotence, this is just a very difficult situation, but what if the husband is rich and it is impossible to leave him for this reason?

However, these are your problems, dear wife of a rich husband, and by no means a psychologist. There was such a case in my practice: a young woman comes to me and asks to save her ... from remorse conscience, no more and no less - at least by hypnosis, at least by anything! She has a rich husband, a very good man, she respects him, but does not love him, and a young and handsome lover, whom she is passionately in love with, but he is a poor man ... In addition, her husband is much older than her, and he does not satisfy her in bed. Of course, she understands that she should have left her husband and uh you to your beloved, but to live in poverty is beyond her strength. But, cheating on her husband, she is tormented by a sense of guilt ... I refused her such help, because only she herself can solve this problem - after all, you cannot acquire capital and maintain innocence ...

But seriously, you should have thought about this before. You have to be either a very cold woman or a very frivolous one in order to live in a marriage with a man who is not a man for you: for a cold woman, sex comes last, and a frivolous woman will find solace without suffering remorse, and she definitely won’t go to a psychologist . But there are very nice ladies who marry early men who satisfy them in every way except one, which, alas, turns out to be very important. Moreover, we are not necessarily talking about the complete inability of the husband, sometimes it's just sexual disharmony. They cannot cheat on their husband - either because cheating is incompatible with their moral principles, or because they are afraid to lose everything. Alas, these women become regular visitors to neurologists, psychotherapists and psychics, and their complaints are very diverse: sometimes headaches, sometimes some kind of spasms, sometimes insomnia and pressure surges ... or constantly in a bad mood. They have nothing to do, they, of course, do not work - they did not marry rich husbands for that, and sometimes the treatment of these incomprehensible symptoms and strange neuroses becomes their only occupation. What can you advise them? There are three options: firstly, if such a life suits them, then they can be treated indefinitely, visiting fashionable resorts and the most fashionable doctors, although they themselves, in general, are well aware of what they lack. Secondly, if the relationship of the spouses is really good, then