Is it worth getting married at all. Others insist that it is high time. The secret to making the right decision

12.06.2019

Does a girl need to get married?- It depends on what exactly she expects from life. All girls need to get married, just someone needs it earlier, and someone later.

In general, every girl has her own idea of marriage. That is, each of them has their own motives and reasons to get married or not. Which? You know them, of course, but you can reread them.

All the girlfriends got married.
There is a desire to give birth to a baby, but legally, and not "in flight".
There are strong feelings for a person.
A great desire to live somewhere, but her at home.
The girl grew up without a father, she really lacks the attention of a man, male concern.
Curiosity has "played".
The young man has a lot of money.
The girl wants to keep her beloved with a stamp in her passport.
The girl wants to get married status.
Parents and relatives insist on marriage.

Reasons why girls don't want to get married

They don't want to cook.
They don't want to clean up.
They are afraid of losing their freedom.
Afraid of getting pregnant and getting better.
Not sure if they need it.
Be afraid to get married because there was a negative experience.
They love to live for themselves.
They adore "free love" (free relationships that exist without any obligations).
They do not want to change their passport or surname.
They are very sensitive to any life changes.

Did you find out what is close to you? Now we will give a more detailed answer to this question.

Does a girl need to get married?

It is worth if:

The girl feels that she is ready for marriage. She understands (both morally and physically) that the time for marriage has already come.
The girl realizes that she is ready to change everything in life (lifestyle, habits, and so on).

What do you need to change? What do you need to be prepared for?

Take a look:

friends and girlfriends will have to devote little time (at least less than before marriage);
dressing should be different (not as frank as dressing before);
will have to be at home more;
will have to go shopping more often;
will have to change their attitude towards freedom.

How to make a choice?

The girl has matured

She knows how to do everything, takes change seriously, is not afraid of difficulties, knowing them to the core.

The girl fell in love and understands that this love is a mutual feeling

To marry for love is not a sin, not a whim, but a great happiness.

The girl really wants to get married

So wants that "beeps". There are girls for whom marriage is both a dream and an obsession.

The girl believes that she has already achieved everything in life that she wanted to achieve.

All plans, all dreams, all desires…. Almost everything came true! You can also remember that the girl is still unmarried.

Girls who think it's worth getting married

Violetta: And what about without marriage? I see no point in life if there is no husband. And children are needed. Legitimate!

Ilona: My husband loves me. And I only want to live "in the painting", and not just like that. This is more pleasant. You have no idea how nice it is to feel yourself as a spouse!

Oksana: A woman needs a husband! It's boring without a husband! Uninteresting and sad. Probably, I think so because I was lucky with my spouse. Yes, this is my second marriage, and the first one was wrong. Who doesn't make mistakes?

Romana: A husband is a useful person. And he will screw in a light bulb, if necessary, and go to the store (to the pharmacy), if asked…. I won't talk about everyone, but my husband is just that.

Girls who think that getting married is unnecessary (not worth it)

Tatiana: I was so burned that I do not advise getting married. Even for the best and dearest person in the world! I don’t believe them ... First, they are so good, and then “cattle”.

Olga: Why husband? The most golden person is mom. I live with her and am happy. I have no need for you to lie and cheat. Such a man I am!

Daria: Why sign if you can live just like that? I have been living with a man for seven years. And I like this kind of life!

Violetta: I'm so disappointed in men that I won't get married for sure. Even if they are threatened with death. They are all goats!

Maryana: Alenka (my friend) applied to the registry office. Then she regretted, because she was completely disappointed in the guy. I don’t want to. Therefore, I will not rush to this "institution". I can afford it.

Girls! It is worth marrying for love, not profit for the sake of. You can't play with feelings. Feelings are a fire that can seriously burn.

Do not get married if you feel that you have not yet "walked up". Marriage is a serious step that should not be taken lightly.

Many believe that daughters repeat the fate of their mothers (a mother got married at twenty - her daughter will be married at the same age). And the daughters are waiting for that same “mother's” age. If nothing repeating is observed, the girls are terribly worried. What for? You can not do it this way.

Do not miss. ... ...

It used to be believed that if a woman did not marry before the age of 25, then she is a loser, an unwanted old maid. Fortunately, there are now other opinions on this question. The weaker sex does not seek to marry and increasingly asks the question, but do i need to get married?

Many girls, even in doubt, are in a hurry to get married anyway. To be a happy wife, to have happy children, you need to know 7 reasons why you should not get married.

7 reasons not to get married

You only like a man outwardly. Of course, handsome men attract everyone. It is a woman's subconscious desire to have attractive offspring. But handsome men are usually infantile egoists, love only themselves and live for themselves.
All the girlfriends jumped up in marriage and brag about their happiness. Do not be equal to others, keep your individuality, look for the right person. In addition, not all friends will tell you how things really are in their families.
Time is running out and you are in a hurry to get married, marrying the first comer. And he turns out to be not the person with whom he wants to go through life. You should know that a free woman living a full life arouses envy, and strangers, "dripping on the brain" about marriage, do not wish you happiness at all, but more often than not want you to experience all the hardships of family life.
The desire to forget a failed relationship in the past. Rejected by one man, a woman throws herself into the arms of another. As a result, she does not need him.
Desire to get rid of parental custody.
The social status of a man.
Out of pity. He whines all the time, begs him not to leave, says that he cannot live without you.

The main thing is to find your man, then there will be no doubts about marriage and reasons for refusal.

A wedding is a very serious and responsible moment for every girl, which predetermines her future life. On the eve of the celebration, fear appears, a bunch of doubts, and a whole bunch of questions are spinning in my head: "Is it worth it?", "Maybe he's not the same?", "Am I making a mistake?" How to understand whether it is worth changing your own life?

I want to get married

Sooner or later, there is a desire to connect with a certain person your destiny, have a family, children. There are a number of reasons why a girl really wants to get married.

Naturally, first of all, it is worth highlighting as an incentive to get married a great and unearthly feeling - love. The desire to be close to your soulmate every day, to fall asleep and wake up next to them give rise to thoughts of marriage.

The exact opposite of the previous situation is marriage of convenience. I would like to marry an oligarch, a politician, and even a military man, if only there is complete material well-being. Not the best motivation, but such cases are far from uncommon.

The goals of unmarried women in their thirties are fully understood. Firstly, all the girlfriends and acquaintances have long since started a family, have given birth to a child and, at first glance, live happily only for this. Secondly, I was tortured by the pressure of parents and close relatives, when every conversation at the family table is devoted to the topic of the loneliness of a daughter, granddaughter, and so on. Also, I want to get, in the end, the status of a wife, a mother, that is, to be realized as a woman, as a keeper of the hearth.

It is also important to remember about the banal female curiosity. I wonder what it's like to be married. Some, in order to satisfy their curiosity, go even further and marry a person of another nationality, for example, a Dagestani.

Anything but marriage

There is a considerable percentage of girls who drive away thoughts of marriage and wedding. Each of them explains their fear of marriage in their own way.

Family chores. It is very convenient to live and not think about cooking, washing, cleaning and other household chores, because the girl lives either with her mother or alone, but you don't have to try too hard for yourself.

At a young age, especially at 18 years old, any serious relationship does not arouse interest at all. I want freedom, liberty in relationships, to live for my own sake. They do not need headaches about the condition of their husband, his mood, desires, raising children.

There is a special contingent of girls who do not want to get married because they are afraid of getting pregnant. Moreover, it is not motherhood that worries anymore, but the likelihood of gaining weight and never returning to the previous figure.

To marry or not to marry?

Only the girl herself will answer this question, but the advice of experienced psychologists and sociologists can prompt the right decision. When is it not worth getting married?

Complete lack of feelings. The spark went out, no emotion, no attachment, only emptiness in the heart. Why then torture a young man and yourself, knowing that a full-fledged family still won't work?
Incomplete maturity. Here we are talking not about the physical condition, but about the experience gained, self-sufficiency, a precisely formed view of the world around us and on particular issues of everyday life and relationships. Especially often the discrepancy between adult desires and the maturity of thought is visible at the age of 20, when at first glance the girl has grown up, and the wind is still blowing in her head, unrealizable plans, she has little life experience, but a lot of ideas and goals.
Short term of relationship. Why is it not worth legalizing the relationship in the third month after meeting? Regardless of age, marriage is not desirable when there is no complete picture of the future spouse. Otherwise, in the process of living together, unexpected surprises will open up that will pretty much spoil the relationship.
Distrust of a partner. Constant bouts of jealousy, both on the part of the woman and on the part of the man, will become the main cause of scandals, tantrums and possibly divorce. If you think that marriage changes people dramatically, then this is a deep misconception. This is just a stamp in the passport and a formality that does not turn the character in the other direction.

Without hesitation, you can get married only in a few cases:

Age after 40. And then, to marry just anyone or with the first comer is not necessary. Here we are talking about a situation when people love each other, they have a baggage of knowledge, accumulated wisdom behind them, they have achieved what they wanted in life. Living together will simply become a new page in their previously written book.
Strong feelings. If in doubt, but you love very much and are confident in your companion, you can safely go down the aisle. And the questions that torment before the celebration are just fear of something new and still unknown.

Finally

Married life requires constant work on oneself, on relationships with a man. This is a great work, and if a woman has doubts based not only on horror and experiences, but on important facts and moments, then perhaps she is simply not yet ready for something more serious and responsible.

Yana Volkova June 27, 2018

My close friend after moving to one of the developed European countries with a very good standard of living at the same time admired and resented the ability of local women to dispense with marriage very easily. Salary and social guarantees allow them to live happily alone. And even raise a child with confidence! And the influence of new trends in society on fathers does not allow them to forget about raising their children. In fact, there are some pluses: dad spends time with the child as much as mom does, participates in education both morally and financially, and mom has the opportunity to build a career and not be burdened with the obligatory borscht, washed socks and other "delights" of the familiar life ...

What gives marriage to the majority of modern women and men that they do not just refuse the coveted ring on their finger, but strive for it by all means?

Is marriage an end or a means to happiness?

Why is marriage and why do people get married?

It is impossible to know for certain who and when played the first wedding in the world. Such a union between a man and a woman was documented in Mesopotamia around 2450 BC. NS. But it is unlikely that he was really the first. Historians argue that the very concept of monogamous unity was invented by humanity for two main reasons:

better survival of offspring with the joint efforts of a man and a woman;
opportunity to avoid the killing of other people's children by men from other "partners" of the beloved.

Union in ancient times, as a way of protection and survival

Thus, the couple, as it were, emphasized their belonging to each other, outlined a common life, budget and the ability to raise a child, sweeping aside competitors and rivals in a civilized form. No assault.

Taking into account modern realities, in a relatively developed society, the question of why to get married is asked by those who are just entering the right age. As well as those who have already linked family ties and managed to successfully get rid of them.

Everyone has their own reasons for getting married, but there are several main ones:

Tradition is our everything. Mom is married, sister is married for the second time, grandmother, great-grandmother were married, etc. Any logic is powerless here. So it is accepted, and at least burst!
Parental pressure - “you have to get married”. The reason for the pressure can be quite pragmatic. Marriages for the merger of capital, building a business empire, or because of the desire to intermarry with a richer family are still alive in different parts of the world. However, what mother would not beg you not to miss a “good boy from a good family” if she sees fit?
Moral satisfaction. Typical for people-owners. The stamp in the passport is for them as a guarantee that "they will not go anywhere."
Solving personal financial problems.

All items work for both men and women. Classic falling in love and the desire to “live long, happily and die in one day” is too prosaic to consider as an example. So it doesn't matter there is a stamp in the passport or not.

Marriage or marriage - confirmation of sincerity of feelings or convention?

Why does a man need to marry? Objective and subjective reality

Men's reflections "should I marry or not" happen long before the wedding, and on the eve of the celebration. In the first case, they can only generate hardened bean... But in the second - a thwarted wedding, a tantrum of the bride's parents and a huge inferiority complex in a failed wife.

Stubborn statistics insist that the number of women on the planet constantly exceeds the number of men. Hence, the percentage of guys who think that marriage is imperative is decreasing every year.

The logic is simple: what is the point of taking on the obligation to support the family, if you can enjoy the rights of a minority for the rest of your life, watching the competition of "females" for their own persona?

More often than not, such thoughts disappear. closer to midlife crisis, when not a very young man played enough in his career, lost a couple of three best friends in the family swamp and began to think about who to transfer his experience, knowledge and acquired property to. This is where the main reasons for getting married and the pros of marriage emerge:

Organized life. If you're lucky with your wife, of course.
Procreation instinct. And it's not just the very fact of the birth of a child. Many men, unexpectedly for themselves, begin to really enjoy fatherhood.
Status in society. Agree that the image of a happy family man plays an important role for a successful business or political career.
Finding support and comfort in a relationship. After all, it is good to come home, and besides a plate of fresh borscht, to also receive good advice from your wife.

Successful parenting is a trend of our time

Fun fact, but a man decides to marry, at least half of the time, only because the chosen one wants it. After many years of civil marriage, he is already completely up to the bulb. official relationship status.

Of the others, quite real, but on the verge of comic reasons to marry, the guys called:

so that mom does not scold;
friends took it "on the weak";
sports interest to check "how is it there"?;
tired of going on spree - as an incentive to stay at home and work.

Get married so as not to upset mommy. A successful option for a successful man?

The frivolous attitude of men to marriage has already become a hackneyed topic for jokes and tales. But frivolous does not mean negative. Where, then, do beautiful strangers come from in the life of almost every young lady, positive from all sides, but completely denying marriage as an institution?

Why is it better not to marry at all?

An ideological bachelor will find reasons not to marry at any age. The impetus for ignoring marriage bonds can be, firstly, the unsuccessful marriage of the parents: quarrels, swearing and fights certainly do not serve as the ideal of family relations between husband and wife. Secondly, this is the "love" of a young man by relatives to the state of Narcissus, who simply does not see in a woman a worthy partner for yourself.

A guy definitely doesn't have to think about getting married if he:

Realizes that most women change for the worse after marriage. And he is afraid that his tender, beautiful, over time, will relax, get fat, start herself. Let it grow old, in the end!
Realizes that marriage is expensive. And divorce is even more expensive.
Not ready for compromises and abandoning the usual way of life with friends, going to the bathhouse, spontaneous travel and other joys of a bachelor party.
Does not accept sex with one partner.

Does Casanova need a wedding? Does a fish need an umbrella?

Why get married? Fears and Joys of Bachelors

“When are you married already?”, “What? Are you still alone? "," Why are you sitting in the old maidens? The clock is ticking! " - questions that set the teeth on edge for almost any young lady over 23 years old. To the pressure of parents and acquaintances, add the beliefs of society that every girl should be realized, first of all, as a wife, mother, keeper of the hearth.

And forget all this nonsense about career growth and financial independence, travel and self-development as feminist propaganda and the imposition of an alien lifestyle!

Motives for marriage among young women do not differ in variety... Mainly:

Claim for social security. The general budget and "jointly acquired" make it possible to realize many plans.
Success claim. It didn't work out to achieve heights in work, maybe it will work out in the family.
Desire to reassure parents and relatives. Not all mothers are happy with their daughter's long unregistered, albeit ideal relationship.

In many European countries, the choice whether or not it is worth getting married, if there are doubts about the future chosen one, is not worth it at all. The women there are in no hurry to burden themselves with family obligations. In order to be an equal partner in marriage, to have their own living space, financial savings and a stable income, European ladies give "their best years" to work and travel. You can treat this in different ways.

Someone admires this ability of women to cut consumer attitudes towards themselves. Someone thinks it the fading away of femininity, excessive emancipation and loss of "true purpose." Despite the frank disadvantages of marriage:

piled up household chores;
the lost opportunity to eat some salads for weeks;
reduction of free time and personal space to a minimum and its complete disappearance with the appearance of a child;
narrowing the circle of friends, the priority of "common" friends over get-togethers with old girlfriends.

Do all women want to get married?

And also abrupt disappearance of suitors and sympathizers. A ring on a woman's finger instantly makes her invisible to most men. This is a kind of mark that the young lady is busy with another male, and any signs of attention are fraught with consequences. And male solidarity works. Which, by the way, is sorely lacking for women. A man's betrothal is actually a "good" seal. It acts like a magnet. After all, if someone liked this guy, then we have a copy worthy of attention. Fas!

The reasons why a woman cannot get married are conventionally shared by psychologists into two main groups:

Inflated self-esteem and too high requirements for the chosen one. The image of a funky bitch is only good for pictures in social networks. In fact, too smart, too bright, too beautiful, too cool woman becomes too unclaimed. In addition, the image of reference can be contrived by its owner. But the claims from the series “you owe me, just because I'm all so cool next to you” are quite real.
Low self-esteem and willingness to marry anyone, just not to be left alone. Even the most clever beauty, who does not consider herself as such, scares men off with a bouquet of complexes.

And they try, and they praise, but they do not take marriage

The ability to get married is essentially not much different from the ability to sell a product. Showing oneself from the advantageous side and hiding for the time being shortcomings are the skills of a successful manager in trading. But popular wisdom says that it is not enough to know your own worth, you still have to find a buyer.

Can you get married or get married after forty?

Do you remember the famous statement from the famous film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" that "after forty years, life is just beginning"? The marriage of the main character in the film never took place. But a strong relationship started.

Is marriage necessary for two educated people who have taken place in society and a career, who have already gone through a divorce, division of property and custody of children? I doubt.

Most likely, they will be satisfied with the usual quiet secular cohabitation with all the ensuing pros and cons.

It's another matter if one of the couple did not wait for the second half to appear until forty years old. And only now he caught a chance to start a real family in his understanding.

Psychologists say that getting married or getting married after forty is a difficult task. To knock down a long-term way of life and break habits, adjust to someone else's rhythm of life and put up with obvious shortcomings - all this is a heavy load that not everyone can handle.

Does marriage imply happy family?

Fortunately, modern life gives lovers such a number of adequate compromises that even an ideologically unmarried couple will find a place under the sun to give love to each other.

Should you get married? - this question more and more often arises in the minds of modern girls. Why is this happening, after all, for past generations of the fair sex, marriage was the goal of life, and now it has become one of its aspects.

Attitudes towards marriage in men and women: before and now

For quite a few years (up to millennia), women were perceived by society as strictly wives and mothers. None of the men perceived women as individuals, as individuals. Their role was predetermined long before her birth. And her role was solely in taking care of her treasures: about her husband, about the kids and about a cozy home. This is where the expression “the keeper of the family hearth” came from.

In addition, our ancestors had no right to independently choose a husband for themselves, but could only obediently fulfill the will of their parents. Accordingly, the question "is it obligatory to get married?" did not arise at all.

These times, to everyone's joy, long ago, having exhausted themselves, have sunk into oblivion. Now any representative of the fair sex independently chooses a person with whom she can live her whole life. Moreover, now girls have every right not to get married at all.

The priorities of modern women have changed. Some of them want, first of all, to self-actualize: to learn, get a profession, achieve a certain financial independence, and only after that they think: "Is it necessary to get married?" Although we will not hide it - every girl at a wonderful age from 15 to 30 years old dreams of a beautiful wedding, a snow-white dress and a happy family life. But after the thirty-year mark (in particular, if there were failures in relationships in a woman's life), most women, without even thinking about the question: "Is it necessary to get married?" will answer a firm and unshakable "no!"

And in the male ideology, everything is exactly the opposite. The prospect of early marriage is intimidating and intimidating for men. This is often due to fear of the heavy burden of responsibility that falls on men's shoulders. But gradually, after a certain time, men begin to desire home comfort, which, of course, can only be created by a woman. Men, who have already tried the bitter experience of marriage, next times do not even try to avoid family routine life, but, oddly enough, on the contrary, strive for it. At the same time, often the second wife bears great resemblance to the first, both externally and character. Which once again confirms the conservatism of men.

Is it obligatory to get married after 30

Why do women after thirty think that it is not necessary to get married a second time? As a rule, by the age of thirty, they are cashing in on family life to their fill - washing, ironing, cleaning, constantly cooking and washing dishes - all that a married woman sees. Therefore, having received freedom, a woman no longer indulges herself with adolescent illusions about family life and is in no hurry to plunge into this routine again. Perhaps the exceptions include those who have not yet been married. But they, as a rule, no longer harbor a ghostly hope of a fabulous family life, although they continue to believe that family relationships can be built in such a way that in twenty years they will be completely romantic.

The meaning and essence of family relationships

What does the concept of "family relations" mean? And what are they for? First of all, we can say that family ties are tied not only to people, but many species of various animals and even birds. Why do they stay together for a long time (and sometimes even for the rest of their lives)?

First of all, it is the reproductive instinct. But if this were the only thing that keeps them together, then this long-term union would be inappropriate, and not necessary.
Most living organisms do not like loneliness and strive to ensure that when solving any complex problems, there is someone to rely on. Most likely, among animals, the reason is the same - it is easier to survive, it is easier to raise offspring, it is easier to get food. Yes, and it's elementary to sleep together warmer, and therefore more comfortable - the same principles are with people!
Of course, an important incentive for a person to create a family is love, the desire to be always close to his beloved. But, as you know, over time, the “ideal picture” of a partner dissipates. A "harsh reality" appears - flaws in the character of a partner, habits that interfere with everyday life, etc. emerge.

Based on the above arguments in favor of starting a family, let's think about whether it is necessary to get married in our time?

Today's girls have become so independent that they can easily do without marriage.
In addition, it is quite possible to give birth to children without living together with a member of a strong half of humanity, and even more so without a formal stamp in the passport.
In the modern world, most of the fair sex can adequately provide for themselves and their child no worse, and in some, albeit rare, cases, and much better than any man. Due to the fact that the current morality allows this, the majority of the representatives of the fairest half of humanity voluntarily choose the status of an unmarried woman for themselves.
Girls no longer marry in order to please their parents, keep up with their friends or for show. And those who create an early family often get divorced before they have lived together for three years.

What is the ideal partner? 5 important characteristics

Before a girl decides to answer positively to the question "Is it obligatory to get married?" In relation to a particular man, she must soberly assess her chosen one. Most of them even have special criteria by which certain characteristics of a candidate for husband are assessed. You can read about the ideal man.

Love, emotions. Most often, the beautiful half of humanity takes into account their feelings and emotional attachment to a man. Without love, at best, a woman will get used to her life partner. But even in this situation, it is unlikely that it will be possible to endure an unloved man all his life. In addition, there is a chance after your wedding to meet the very one with whom and in the hut paradise!
Appearance. An important aspect for creating a family for many girls is the appearance of a man. And oddly enough, she thinks at this moment not about what her friends will say, but about the appearance of future children. Therefore, women, rather even on a subconscious level, are looking for, so to speak, alpha males.
Financial solvency. In our world, a lot depends on the financial aspect. Family life is no exception. Few people prefer to be in love with each other, but to die of hunger and cold. This gives rise to several more criteria for assessing the merits of a partner. This is his financial position, and the availability of housing, and his ability to work and social status.
Common interests, outlook on life. Now that women have gained greater freedom in their actions, the approval of a loved one regarding her occupation, work, or even hobbies has become very important for them.
If a couple wants to spend their entire life together, they must have common plans for their future life. Otherwise, life will be like in Krylov's fable "Swan, Cancer and Pike".
In addition, future spouses should be like-minded in raising and giving birth to their children.
No bad habits. Many girls pay special attention to their partner's bad habits (however, this can also be said about men).

Having carefully analyzed the strengths and weaknesses of her partner, the girl must decide whether it is necessary to marry this candidate, when to do it - now or after some time.

The secret to making the right decision

One thing is clear - in order to make a decision about marriage, it is important to understand whether there is love, respect, trust, a desire to change their lives for each other in their relationship with the prospective spouse. If the answer is yes, then there is nothing else to think about; if negative, then with a high probability it can be argued that their marriage will fail.

The most reasonable and correct thing in this situation would be to look inside your soul, not just listen to yourself, but also hear. Any woman can only answer to herself the question of whether it is worth getting married. And no one can solve this problem correctly, except for her alone!

Goodbye to everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.