The controversial method: how to teach your baby to fall asleep on their own. Teach your baby to fall asleep on their own

22.02.2023

Is it possible from the first days of a baby's life to learn to understand his "language" and begin to fully communicate with him? How to understand the character of a newborn in order to care for him, taking into account his personal characteristics and temperament? Are there simple and reliable solutions for common infant problems such as "unreasonable" crying or not wanting to sleep at night?

Tracey Hogg, specialist in newborn care, talks about this and much more. Her many years of experience and recommendations have helped so many families, including stellar ones, to cope with the difficulties of the first year of parenthood and raise happy and healthy babies. All of Tracy's advice is extremely practical and accessible to everyone, and the techniques she offers are extremely effective - perhaps because her approach is based on a respectful attitude towards newborn children, albeit small, but personalities.

Why this book is worth reading

Tracey Hogg is one of the most famous authors of parent-child literature, she is recognized on a par with the eminent Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, William and Martha Sears;
a must-have for all parents who have newborns: you will understand what to expect and learn to cope even with what you did not expect;
the author will competently and kindly explain to every mother and father how to raise a happy child in love, respect and care;
parents around the world call Tracy the modern Mary Poppins for her actionable advice;
modern pediatricians recommend the author's books to parents all over the world.

Who is author
Tracey Hogg is rightfully considered the modern Mary Poppins; all over the world, young mothers use her technique to fall asleep babies on their own.
The author was a nurse, and in order to help babies, she had to learn to understand their language and decipher the signals they sent. Thanks to this, Tracy was able to master their non-verbal language. After moving to America, she devoted herself to caring for newborns and women in childbirth and helping new parents.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep peacefully through the night?

My newborn baby was about two weeks old when I was suddenly deafened by the realization: I will never be able to rest again. Well, never is perhaps too strong a word. There was hope that by sending my son to college, I would still be able to sleep peacefully at night again. But I was ready to give my head for cutting off - as long as he is a baby, this does not shine for me.
Sandy Shelton. Good night sleep and other lies

Sweet dreams, my dear!

In the first days of life, the main occupation of the newborn is sleep. Some sleep in the first week up to 23 hours a day! Of course, every living being needs sleep, but for a newborn it is everything. While the baby sleeps, his brain is working tirelessly to create convolutions necessary for mental, physical and emotional development. If the child had a good night's sleep, he is collected, focused and happy with everything - just like an adult after a good rest. He eats heartily, plays enthusiastically, radiates energy and actively communicates with others.

The body of a child who does not sleep well cannot function normally because his nervous system is depleted.

He is irritable and uncoordinated. The baby is reluctant to take the breast or bottle. He doesn't have the strength to explore the world. Worst of all, overwork exacerbates the sleep problem. The point is that bad sleep habits create a vicious circle. Some babies are so tired that they are physically unable to calm down and fall asleep. Only when there is absolutely no strength left, the poor things finally turn off. It hurts to watch how the baby literally stuns herself with her own crying, trying to isolate herself from the world, she is so overexcited and upset. But the worst thing is that even this hard-won dream turns out to be shallow and intermittent and sometimes lasts no longer than 20 minutes. As a result, the child almost constantly lives "on the nerves."

So, everything seems to be obvious. But you should know how many people do not understand this simple thing: to develop a healthy sleep habit, an infant needs parental guidance. So-called sleep problems are typical because many parents are unaware: they, and not their children, should decide when the baby goes to bed and how to fall asleep.

In this chapter I will tell you what I myself think about this, and many of my thoughts will certainly come into conflict with what you have read or heard from others. I'll teach you how to notice a baby's fatigue before it becomes overtired, and I'll tell you what to do if you miss a valuable time window when the baby is easy to put to bed. You'll learn how to help your baby fall asleep and how to eliminate sleep-related problems before they become a persistent problem.

Down with delusion: light sleep

Now the minds of parents are owned by two radically different "schools" from one another.
The first includes adherents of co-sleeping, whatever it is called, whether it is "sleeping in the parent's bed" or the Sears method. (Dr. William Sears, a California pediatrician, promotes the idea that babies should be allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until they ask to have their own bed.) This method is based on the idea that a child a positive attitude towards sleep and putting to bed should be developed (here I am “for” with both hands) and that the most correct way to this goal is to carry it in my arms, nurse and stroke it until the baby falls asleep (which I categorically object to). Sears, the method's most influential promoter, perplexed in an interview published in Child magazine in 1998: "How can a mother be tempted to put her child in a box of bars and leave him in a dark room all alone?"

Proponents of parent-infant co-sleeping often cite traditions from other cultures, such as Bali, where newborns are not let go until they are three months old. (But we don't live in Bali!) Members of the La Leche League believe that if the baby is having a hard day, the mother should stay in bed with him, providing him with the extra contact and care he needs. All this serves to “strengthen the attachment” and create a “sense of security,” so supporters of this view believe it is quite possible for mom and dad to sacrifice their time, personal life and their own need for sleep. And to make it easier for them to do so, Pat Yerian, co-sleeping advocate opined in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, urges disgruntled parents to change their minds: “If you can take the step towards greater tolerance [of your baby waking you up], you will be able to enjoy those quiet moments of nighttime interaction with a newborn who needs your hands and affection, or a little older baby who just needs to be with someone next to you. ".

At the other extreme is the delayed response method, often referred to as "Ferber" after Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for the Study of Children's Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital. According to his theory, bad habits associated with sleep are acquired, which means that they can be weaned (with which I completely agree). Accordingly, he recommends that parents put the baby to bed when he is still awake and teach him to fall asleep on his own (I also agree with this). If the child, instead of falling asleep, begins to cry, actually turning to the parents with an appeal: “Come, take me away from here!” - Ferber advises to leave crying unattended for longer and longer periods of time: the first night for five minutes, the second for 10, then 15, etc. (and here Dr. Ferber and I part ways). Dr. Ferber’s explanation is given in Child magazine: “If a kid wants to play with a dangerous object, we say “no” and set boundaries that can cause him to protest .... The same thing happens when we explain to him that there are rules at night. Sleeping well at night is in his own interest.”

Perhaps you have already joined one or the other camp.
If any of these two methods suits you and your child, fits your lifestyle, do not hesitate, continue in the same spirit. But the fact is that I often get calls from people who have already experienced both of these approaches. Usually events develop as follows. One parent initially favors the idea of co-sleeping with their child and convinces their partner or partner that this is the best thing to do. In the end, there really is something romantic in this - a kind of return "to the origins." And night feedings are no longer a problem. The enthusiastic couple decide not to buy a crib at all. But a few months pass - sometimes quite a lot - and the idyll ends. If mom and dad are very afraid of “sleeping” the child, then they themselves may lose sleep due to constant fears, and someone develops a painful sensitivity to the slightest sound made by the baby in a dream.

The baby may wake up frequently—every two hours—and demand attention. And if it is enough for some kids to stroke or hug them tightly so that they fall asleep again, then others think it's time to play. As a result, parents are forced to roam around the apartment: one night they play with the child in the bedroom, the other they doze in the living room, trying to catch up. Be that as it may, if both of them were not 100% convinced of the correctness of the chosen method, internal resistance begins to grow in one of them who succumbed to the persuasion of the other. This is where this parent grabs the “Ferber” method.

The couple decides it's time for the baby to get her own bed and buy a crib. From the point of view of the baby, this is a revolution, the collapse of the familiar world: “Here are my mom and dad, they put me to bed with them for several months, rocked me, roamed, spared no effort to make me happy, and suddenly - bang! I was rejected, evicted to another room, where everything is alien and frightening! I don’t compare myself to a prisoner and I’m not afraid of the dark, because my infantile mind does not know such concepts, but I am tormented by the question: “Where did everyone go? Where are the native warm bodies that have always been there?” And I cry - otherwise I can not ask: "Where are you?" And they finally show up. They stroke me, ask me to be smart and sleep. But no one taught me how to fall asleep on my own. I'm still a baby!"

In my opinion, radical methods are not suitable for all children. Obviously, they did not suit the children whose parents turn to me for help. Personally, I prefer to stick to what I consider the golden mean from the very beginning. I call my method "smart approach to sleep."

Three phases of sleep

Falling asleep, the child goes through these three phases. The whole cycle lasts about 20 minutes.

Phase 1: "window". Your child cannot say, "I'm tired." But he will demonstrate this to you by yawning and other fatigues. Before he yawns a third time, put him to bed. If this is not done, he will not proceed to the second phase of falling asleep, but will cry.

Phase 2: "off". The beginning of this phase is marked by the characteristic look of the child, frozen, directed to no one knows where - I call it "a look into the far distance." The child holds it for 3-4 minutes, and although his eyes are open, in fact he does not look anywhere - his consciousness hovers somewhere between reality and sleep.

Phase 3: "sleep". Now the child resembles a person who dozed off on the train: the eyes close, the head falls on the chest or to the side. It seems that he has already fallen asleep, but it was not there: the eyes suddenly open wide, the head jerks back to its previous position, so that the whole body trembles. Then the eyelids close again, and everything repeats again and again from three to five times, after which he finally sinks into sleep.

What is a smart approach to sleep?

This is the middle way, refusing any extremes. You will notice that my approach takes some of both of these principles, but not all, because, in my opinion, the idea of "let him cry and sleep" is not compatible with a respectful attitude towards the child, and co-sleeping makes parents sacrifice their own interests. My principle takes into account the interests of the family as a whole, the needs of all its members. On the one hand, the baby must be taught to fall asleep on his own - he must feel comfortable and safe in his own bed. On the other hand, he also needs our presence to calm down after stress. You can not start solving the first problem until the second is solved. At the same time, parents also need proper rest, time that they can devote to themselves and each other; their life should not revolve around the baby around the clock, but they still have to give the baby some time, effort and attention. These goals are by no means mutually exclusive. Next, I will tell you what a reasonable approach to sleep is based on, and with this in mind, you will solve all the problems that lie ahead of you. Throughout the text of the chapter, I will give examples of the practical implementation of each element, so that it would be easier for you to master the first "C" of my wonderful PASS (Nutrition - Activity - Sleep - Free time for parents - read more about this in other chapters - approx. Maternity.ru).

Go where you want to go. If the idea of co-sleeping appeals to you, explore it thoroughly. Is this how you would like to spend every night for three months? Six months? Longer? Remember: everything you do is teaching your child. So, if you help him fall asleep by holding him to your chest or rocking him for 40 minutes, you are actually telling him: “So you should fall asleep.” When deciding to go this way, you must be prepared to follow it for a long time.

Independence does not mean neglect. When I say to the mother or father of a newborn baby, “We have to help her become independent,” they look up at me in amazement: “Independent? But, Tracy, she's only a few hours old!" “When do you think we should start?” I ask.

No one, even scientists, can answer this question, because we do not know when exactly the baby begins to comprehend the world in the full sense of the word. "So start right now!" I urge. But teaching independence doesn't mean stopping crying alone. This means meeting the needs of the baby, including picking her up when she cries - because by doing this she is trying to tell you something. But once her needs are met, she needs to be let go.

Watch without interfering. You may remember that I already gave this recommendation when talking about games with a baby. It is also true for sleep. Every time a baby falls asleep, it goes through a sequence of certain phases (see "The Three Phases of Falling Asleep"). Parents should know this sequence well so as not to violate it. We should not interfere with the natural processes of the child's life, but observe them, giving the crumbs the opportunity to fall asleep on their own.

Don't make your child dependent on crutches."Crutch" I call any object or any action, having lost which the child experiences stress. It is not necessary to hope that the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own, if you suggest to him that daddy's hands, half an hour of motion sickness or mommy's nipple in her mouth is always at his service. As I noted in Chapter 4, I approve of the use of pacifiers, but not as a plug for a crying baby. Putting a pacifier or breast on a baby to shut his mouth is simply impolite. Moreover, if we do this or endlessly carry the crumbs in our arms, cradle and rock, in order for her to fall asleep, we actually form her addiction to the “crutch”, depriving her of the opportunity to develop self-soothing skills and learn to fall asleep without outside help.

By the way, a "crutch" is not at all the same as a transitional object - say, a plush toy or a blanket - which the child chooses himself and to which he becomes attached. Most infants under seven or eight months of age are not capable of this - the "attachments" of very young children are for the most part formed by parents. Of course, if your baby is comforted by a favorite toy hanging in her crib, let her have it. But I am against any things that you give her to calm her down. Let her find her own ways to calm down.

Develop rituals for daytime and nighttime sleep. Putting the baby to bed during the day and in the evening should always be a routine. I never tire of emphasizing: babies are incredible traditionalists. They prefer to know what's next. Studies have shown that even very young children, trained to expect certain stimuli, are able to anticipate them.

Learn about your baby's sleep habits. All “recipes” for how to put a baby to sleep have a common drawback: there are no universal remedies. One suits one, another another. Yes, I offer parents a lot of general advice, including acquainting them with the phases of falling asleep that are common to all, but I always advise you to carefully look at your child, the one and only.

The best thing is to keep a sleep log of your baby. In the morning, write down when he woke up, and add entries for each daytime sleep. Note when he was put to bed in the evening and what time he woke up at night. Keep a journal for four days. This is enough to understand how your child’s sleep is “arranged”, even if it seems that there is no system in this.

For example, Marcy was convinced that her eight-month-old Dylan's daytime naps were completely erratic: "He never goes to sleep at the same time, Tracey." But after four days of keeping a journal of observations, she noticed that although the time changes slightly, Dylan always falls asleep briefly between 9 and 10 am, sleeps another 40 minutes between 12:30 and 2:00 pm, and by five in the evening always turns out to be very cranky and irritated and passes out for about 20 minutes. This knowledge helped Marcy plan her day and, last but not least, understand the behavior and mood of her baby. Given Dylan's natural biorhythms, she streamlined his daily life, providing him with the opportunity to fully relax. When he began to act up, she better understood what was the matter and whether he wanted to sleep, and reacted faster.

The Magic Road to Happiness

Remember Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz had to walk down the yellow brick road to find someone to help her get home? After a series of mistakes and disappointments, she finally found this helper - her own wisdom. In fact, I help parents go the same way. Whether or not your child gets healthy sleep is up to you, I explain. This needs to be learned, and the process of learning is initiated and carried out by the parents. Exactly! Babies need to be taught how to fall asleep properly. The path to healthy sleep consists of the following steps.

Create conditions for sleep. Since babies are in dire need of predictability, and repetition is the mother of learning, the same thing should be done and said before every nap and night. Then, at her childish level of understanding, the baby will realize: “I see, so I’m going to sleep now.” Do the same rituals in the same order. Say something like: "Well, my joy, it's time to bye-bye." When moving your baby into her room, stay calm and speak quietly. Don't forget to check if it's time for a diaper change so she's not in the way. Draw the curtains. At the same time, I say: “Goodbye, sunshine, see you when I sleep,” or, if it happens in the evening and it’s dark outside: “Good night, month.” I find it wrong to put the baby to sleep in the living room or in the kitchen. It's disrespectful to say the least. Would you yourself like your bed to be in the middle of the trading floor and people loitering around? Of course not! This is what the child does not want.

Catch signals. Just like adults, babies yawn when they get tired. Yawning is a natural response:
a tired body does not function optimally, and the amount of oxygen entering the brain due to the work of the lungs, heart and circulatory system is slightly reduced. Yawning allows you to "swallow" more oxygen (try to mimic a yawn and you will feel that the breath becomes deeper). I urge parents to respond as much as possible to the first yawn of the baby - well, at least the third. If you overlook the signs of drowsiness (see "Signs That It's Time for Baby to Sleep"), then certain types of children, such as mimosas, will quickly turn into tantrums.

Advice. To create the right mood for the child, draw his attention to the pleasant aspects of the rest. Sleep should not seem like a punishment or a struggle to him. If you say “it’s time to sleep” or “you’re tired, you need to rest” in such a tone as they say “get out of sight, ugly boy!”, then the child will grow up in the belief that they are sentenced to daytime sleep, as if to exile in Siberia, juvenile delinquents to deprive them of every pleasure.

The closer to the bedroom, the quieter the speech and the slower the movements. Adults like to read a book or watch TV before bed to take their minds off the day's worries. Babies need to relax too. Before going to bed, nightly bathing, and from the age of three months and massage will help the baby get ready for bed. Even before a day's rest, I always put on a soothing lullaby. For about five minutes, I sit with the baby in a rocking chair or on the floor so that she gets more tactile sensations. If you want, you can tell her a story or just whisper sweet words. However, the purpose of all this is not to put the child to sleep, but to calm him down. Therefore, I immediately stop pumping the baby as soon as I see a “look into the far distance” - the second phase of falling asleep - or I notice that her eyelids are drooping, telling me that she is moving on to the third phase. (As for bedtime stories, it’s never too early to start, but I usually start reading aloud at about six months old, when the child can already sit and listen intently.)

Advice. Do not invite guests at the time when you put the child to bed. This is not a performance. The child wants to participate in everything. He sees the guests and knows that they have come to visit him: “Wow, new faces! You can look and smile! So what, mommy and daddy think I'll fall asleep and miss it all? Well, I do not!"

First in bed, then in the land of dreams. Many people believe that the child can be put to bed only when he falls asleep. This is mistake. Put your baby to bed at the beginning of the third phase - there is no better way to help her learn to fall asleep on her own. There is another reason: think about how the baby feels, falling asleep in your arms or in a swinging device, and waking up for some reason in the crib. Imagine that I wait until you are asleep and drag your bed out of the bedroom into the garden. You wake up and you can’t understand anything: “Where am I? How did I get here? Only, unlike you, a baby cannot conclude: “Oh, it’s clear that someone dragged me here while I was sleeping.” The child will be disoriented, even scared. Eventually, he will no longer feel safe in his own bed.

Putting the child to bed, I always say the same words: “Now I will put it to you, and you will sleep. You know how great it is and how wonderful you feel afterwards.” And I keep a close eye on the baby. Before lying down, she may become restless, especially when she shudders all over, which is characteristic of the third phase of falling asleep. There is no need to immediately pick up the child in your arms. Some children calm themselves down and fall asleep. But, if the baby is crying, gently and rhythmically pat her on the back - let her feel that she is not alone. However, remember: as soon as she stops fiddling and whining, you need to immediately stop stroking her. If you do this for longer than she really needs, she will begin to associate strokes and pats with falling asleep and will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.

Advice. I usually recommend laying the baby on his back. But you can also arrange it on its side, propping it up with two towels rolled into rollers or special wedge-shaped pillows that are sold in most pharmacies. If the child sleeps on its side, make sure that the side changes.

If the road to dreamland is bumpy, give your child a pacifier. I like to use a pacifier in the first three months of a newborn's life - the period when we form a daily routine. This saves the mother from having to replace the pacifier with her own presence. At the same time, I always warn that the dummy should not be used uncontrollably - it should not turn into a "crutch". With a reasonable approach of parents to this issue, the baby selflessly sucks for six to seven minutes, then the sucking movements slow down, and, in the end, the pacifier falls out of the mouth. The baby has already spent as much energy on sucking as it takes to relieve tension, and safely leaves for the realm of sleep. At this point, some well-intentioned adults come up and say, "Oh, poor thing, you've lost your papilla!" — and shove it back. Do not do that! If the baby needs a pacifier so that the sleep is not interrupted, he will let you know about it - he will begin to whimper and make gurgling sounds.

So, every time the PASS mode brings you to the first "C", follow the above rules - for most babies, this is enough for them to have positive associations with sleep. Let the baby be led into the land of dreams by the same familiar steps, because for him, predictability means safety. You will be surprised how quickly your baby will learn the skills necessary for a reasonably organized sleep. She will even wait for bedtime, because it is so pleasant, and after sleep you feel much more cheerful. Of course, problems cannot be avoided: for example, if a baby
overworked, if she is teething or has a fever (see section on Normal Sleep Problems). But these days are the exception to the rule.

Remember, in order to fall asleep for real, the child needs 20 minutes, and in no case try to speed things up. You will only disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and the baby will get nervous. For example, if a loud noise, a dog barking, or a slamming door—or whatever—disturbs her in the third phase, she will not fall asleep, but rather wake up, and everything will have to start all over again. The same thing happens to adults when they are about to fall asleep and suddenly a phone call breaks the silence. If a person is irritated or agitated, it can be difficult for him to doze off again. Babies are people too! They're just as nervous, the sleep cycle starts all over again, and you have to wait another 20 minutes for your child to fall into a deep sleep.

If you missed the "window"

If the baby is still very young and you have not had time to thoroughly study his crying and body language, it is more than likely that you will not always be able to respond to his first, second or third yawn. If you have an "angel" or "textbook", it's okay - these kids need a little attention and affection to quickly bounce back. But with other types of babies, especially mimosas, it's helpful to have a little trick or two in the stash in case you miss phase one because the baby is about to overwork. Yes, and sudden noise or other interference at any time can disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and if the baby is very worried, he will need your help.

First of all, I will tell you what you should not do in any case: do not rock. Do not walk around the room with your child, do not shake him
too energetic. Remember, he's already overexcited. He cries because he has had enough stimuli and crying helps to distract from sounds and from light. You don't need to whip up the activity of his nervous system any more. Moreover, it is with this that the formation of bad habits usually begins. Mom or dad carry the child in their arms or rock to sleep to help them fall asleep. When his weight exceeds 6.5 kg, they try to get him to fall asleep without these "crutches". Of course, the child protests, as if to say, “No, dear ones, we don't do that. You always rock me."

If you do not want to fall into this vicious cycle, do the following to help your child calm down and disconnect from external stimuli.

Swaddling. After long months in the fetal position, the newborn is not accustomed to open space. In addition, he does not yet know that his arms and legs are part of himself. An overworked infant must be given a motionless position, because he is terribly frightened at the sight of randomly moving limbs - it seems to him that someone else is plotting something against him. In addition, these impressions additionally load the already overexcited nervous system. Swaddling is one of the oldest techniques to help a newborn calm down. It may seem old-fashioned, but modern scientific research confirms its effectiveness. To properly swaddle your baby, fold a square swaddle diagonally. Lay the child on the resulting triangle so that the fold is approximately at the level of his neck. Place one arm of the child on his chest at an angle of 45? and tightly wrap the body with the appropriate corner of the diaper. Repeat on the other side. I recommend swaddling during the first six weeks of life. After the seventh week, when the baby makes the first attempts to put his hands in his mouth, you need to give him such an opportunity. Bend his arms at the elbows and leave the palms unwrapped, closer to his face.

Soothing touch. Let the baby know that you are there and always ready to help him. Rhythmically pat him on the back, imitating heart beats. You can also repeat "shh... shh... shh..." - this will remind the baby of the sounds that he heard in the womb. In a low, soothing voice, whisper in his ear, "It's okay" or "You'll just sleep." For some time after you put the baby in the crib, continue to do what you did while holding him in your arms - clap, whisper. The transition from your hands to your own bed will become less abrupt.

Eliminate visual stimuli. Visual stimuli - light, moving objects - are painful for an overworked baby, especially for a mimosa. So we shade the room before we put the baby in the crib, but for some babies this is not enough. If your child is already lying down, place your hand over their eyes—do not place them over their eyes—to shield them from visual stimuli. If you are still holding it, stand motionless in semi-darkness, and with a very overexcited child, in a completely dark room.

Don't go after the child. It is very difficult for parents to cope with an overworked baby. Endless patience and determination are needed, especially if bad sleep behavior has already become a habit. The child whimpers, the parents continue to stroke him, the crying becomes louder. Overwhelmed with stimuli, the infant cries in increasing amounts until it reaches a deafening cry - very clear: "I have no more strength!" Then he takes a breath, and everything starts anew. Usually, the increase in crying occurs three times, until, finally, the child calms down. But already on the second run, many parents lose their nerves, and in desperation they return to the usual “medicine”, whether it is motion sickness, breast offering or a terrible shaking chair.

This is where the problem lies. As long as you keep interfering, the baby needs your help to get to sleep. It doesn’t take a lot of time for a baby to form a dependence on a “crutch” - just a few times is enough, because he still has a very short memory. Wrong start - and every day when you repeat your mistake, the unwanted behavior of the baby will be reinforced. I am often asked for help when the weight of a child reaches 6-7 kg and it becomes burdensome to shake him in your arms. The most serious problems arise when the child is one and a half to two months old. I always tell parents, “You have to understand what's going on and take responsibility for the child's bad habits because you created them. And then the most difficult thing will come: be determined and persistently instill in the baby new, correct behavioral skills. (For more on forming bad habits, see Chapter 9.)

Peaceful sleep until morning

A chapter on baby sleep would be incomplete without talking about when babies stop waking up in the middle of the night.

Let me first remind you that your baby's "day" is 24 hours. She does not distinguish between day and night and has no idea what it means to "sleep until morning without waking up." This is your desire (and need). Sleeping through the night is not an innate property, but an acquired skill. You must teach her to do this and give her an idea of the difference between day and night. To this end, I give parents the following reminder tips.

Be guided by the principle "how much has gone, so much has arrived." For example, if in the morning he was very capricious, and instead of the next feeding, he fills up an extra half an hour, you leave him alone, knowing that he needs this rest (if he lived on a tight schedule, you would wake him up). But don't forget common sense. Do not let your baby sleep more than one feeding cycle during the day, i.e. more than three hours, otherwise he will not sleep at night. I guarantee that no baby who sleeps six hours during the day without a break will sleep more than three hours at night. And if your child does this, you can be sure that he has confused day and night. The only way to “call him to order” is to wake him up, and his nighttime sleep will arrive exactly as many hours as the daytime has gone.

"Fill tank full." It sounds rude, but in order for a baby to sleep through the night, he must have a full stomach. Therefore, from the age of six weeks, I recommend the following two doses: paired feedings - every two hours in anticipation of a night's sleep - and "sleepy" feedings just before you yourself go to bed. For example, you give your baby a breast (or a bottle) at 18:00 and at 20:00 and arrange a "sleepy" feeding at 22:30 or at 23:00. During this last feeding, the baby does not wake up, so its name should be taken literally. In other words, you carefully take the baby in your arms, lightly touch her lower lip with a nipple or nipple, and let her saturate, and your job is to try not to wake her up. When she finishes sucking, go without spitting up. During "sleepy" feedings, babies are so relaxed that they do not swallow air. Keep silent. Do not change the diaper unless it is wet or soiled. With these two tricks, most kids can skip nighttime feedings, as long as they've consumed enough calories for five to six hours.

Advice."Sleepy" feeding of an artificial person can be entrusted to dad. At this time, most men are already at home, and they usually like such an assignment.

Use a blank. If the pacifier doesn't turn into a crutch, it's a great help to help you skip nighttime feedings. A child weighing 4.5 kg or more who consumes at least 700-850 g of formula milk or has six to eight breastfeeds during the day (four to five during the day and two to three paired at bedtime) does not need another feeding during nights so as not to die of hunger. If he wakes up anyway, then it's all about the sucking reflex. This is where a dummy comes in handy if you use it correctly. Let's say your baby usually needs 20 minutes of nighttime feeding. If he wakes up crying, requires a breast or a bottle and is content with five minutes, having sucked out some drops, it is better to give him a pacifier.

On the first night, he will most likely suck her for those 20 minutes until he falls into a deep sleep. The next night, perhaps, it will cost 10 minutes, and on the third, he will not wake up at all at the usual time of night feeding, but only tinker in his sleep. If he does wake up, give him a pacifier. In other words, instead of a bottle or breast, a pacifier is quite suitable. Gradually, the baby will completely stop waking up for this.

That was the case with Cody, Juliana's son. Cody weighed 6.8 kg, and Juliana, after careful observation, realized that the boy wakes up at 3:00 out of habit. Cody sucked from the bottle for about 10 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Juliana asked me to visit, first of all, to make sure that her conclusion was correct (however, from one description of her, I realized that she was right). Besides, she wanted Cody to unlearn waking up at this time. I spent three nights at their house. The first night I took Cody out of the crib and gave him a pacifier instead of a bottle, which he sucked for 10 minutes, as he used to suck on a bottle. The next night I left him in his crib, gave him a pacifier, and this time he sucked for only three minutes. On the third night, as expected, Cody whimpered a little at 3:15 but didn't wake up. That's all! From that moment he slept peacefully until six or seven in the morning.

Don't run up to the child. The sleep of an infant is intermittent, so it is unwise to respond to any sound. I often convince parents to get rid of the damned "baby monitors" that amplify any sigh or squeak of the baby to their ears. These gizmos turn parents into freaky alarmists! I never tire of repeating: you need to understand the difference between a response and a rescue operation. If the parents are responsive to the child's needs, the child will grow up confident and not afraid to explore the world. But if his parents continuously "rescue" him, then he is imbued with doubts about his abilities. He does not develop the character traits and skills necessary to explore the world and feel calm and comfortable in it.

Children's sleep- a vital process that contributes to a decrease in brain activity and a decrease in reaction to the outside world.
There are special attributes for each children's activity. Comfortable mattresses, cribs, pillows and bedding, toys and much more have been created for children's sleep. For a newborn and a newborn, you can read by clicking on the links.
How to teach a child to love and enjoy these benefits?
Sooner or later the baby will sleep in his crib. When this happens is up to your family to decide. The sooner this happens, the better - says the famous pediatrician Komarovsky.

Why doesn't the baby sleep in the crib?

There are several reasons why a child refuses his own place to sleep. The main reason is that parents are allowed to sleep together in an adult bed. Less often, when a child has serious mental disorders (fears and anxieties).
There are also many other reasons:

The process of preparing for sleep is unorganized
Acquired habit of sleeping with parents from birth
Discomfort and cold
motion sickness desire
Hunger before bed
Sickly baby regularly sleeping with mom
Attracting missing parental attention
Terrible dream.

The kid does not come to his parents' bed on his own, we, the parents, put him there, says E.O. Komarovsky.

When should you start teaching your baby to sleep in the crib?

The age when it is best to teach a little one to sleep on its own is individual. Some children sleep well from birth, while others cannot part with parental co-sleeping even by the age of 6.
Some experts lean towards the age of 6, when the mother can transfer the baby to the crib, and then to a separate room.
There are some signs that indicate the possibility of changing a child's sleep habits:

Baby sleeps more than 6 hours a night
Time of eruption of the first teeth has been overcome
The baby switched to self-feeding (
Passion for a toy or other activity lasts more than 15 minutes
Baby is healthy
Absence of any stressful situations
Spends little time on hands
Doesn't cry when waking up alone in a room
Plays and imitates peers
Distinguish between own and others.

If the child is already over a year old, and you are just thinking about separate sleep, it is never too late to start. The main thing to remember: if you decide and voiced a request to shift the baby to his bed - there is no turning back.

How to wean a child to sleep with parents and teach to sleep separately?

Let's look at a few situations that will help your family deal with the issue of baby sleep in their own crib.

We put a crib or sofa flush with an adult bed. The child sleeps in his place, while the parents are always nearby. Gradually we move the crib further, put it on the opposite wall, and transfer it to the next room.
Performing a sleep ritual. Calm joint actions with the child, which are repeated every day, will help the baby tune in to sleep. These can be: reading a book, making a bed, light massage, , warm milk.
The baby falls asleep in the parent's bed with one of the parents. A soundly sleeping peanut is transferred to a crib. Thus, in the evening, he will receive the necessary parental attention and spend the night in his place.
The baby goes to sleep in his bed. Mom sits next to him until he falls asleep. You can leave a thing with your own smell next to the bed. The child, feeling it, will sleep peacefully. One option is to replace with a toy. Leave your favorite toy in your place and give her instructions to protect the baby and thank her when you return. The baby will associate her with you and gradually get used to sleeping with her.
Put the child in his own bed to start in the daytime, gradually moving into the nighttime sleep.
Put a large toy in bed between you and the baby, separating yourself from him. Gradually move the baby and the toy away from you, and then transfer them to the baby's bed. You can also put a heating pad in the toy. The warmth from it will soothe the baby.

There is no single solution for how to put a child in your bed. Pediatrician E.O. Komarovsky believes that the problem is solved within 2-3 days by pedagogical methods. At the same time, the strength of the desire of parents to break habits should be higher than the desire of the baby to sleep with their parents.
Recommendations of pediatricians from different countries:

American - in the absence of night and restriction of breastfeeding, the issue is resolved within a few days;
German - a separate daytime sleep; heating the bed before going to bed; use of a sleeping bag; be persistent; sleep ritual.

The presented situations can be combined, and most importantly, do not use violent measures. Everything should take place in mutual comfort.

How to accustom a child to a crib?

For the child to want sleep in a crib, it is necessary to interest him. You can buy a crib together in the store. And if she already is, introduce the baby to her. Wrap it in a beautiful package with a big bow or balloons. Buy a night lamp for your room. There are great options in the form of bright characters or projecting stars. Lure the baby with a beautiful baby bedding or an interesting toy that you can only play with in the crib.

Waking up and going to bed at the same time is the key to success for parents.

The baby is gradually growing up, and the crib is still idle, because he has already got used to his mother's warmth and categorically opposes moving to a new place. Not only the child is nervous, but also the mother, and the father is also dissatisfied.

If parents want to know how to teach a child to fall asleep on their own, then you should listen to the recommendations of pediatricians, psychologists and more experienced mothers who were able to survive the stage of accustoming a baby to a crib without any problems.

Parents, choosing with whom the child should sleep, often decide in favor of co-sleeping.

In addition, many proponents of natural parenting also advocate a strong baby-mom bond, especially during the newborn period. But such habits also have disadvantages.

pros

an infant at 1 month constantly wakes up at night to get enough of mother's milk. It is not easy for a woman to get up every time, to lift the baby out of bed, to breastfeed and put him down again;
The largest amount of prolactin (the hormonal substance responsible for milk production) begins to be produced precisely at night. Lack of sleep, resulting from the constant motion sickness of the crumbs at night, negatively affects the volume and quality of the chest secretion;
bodily contact between mother and newborn allows you to connect biological rhythms. Therefore, when falling asleep together, the mother and baby rest together: after applying to the breast, the child calmly dozes, therefore, the parent also falls asleep.

Minuses

a child at 4 months only seems small, but on the parent's bed it can take up quite a lot of space. The father turns out to be “third wheel” in such a situation, so he is forced to move to the sofa. Naturally, this has a negative effect on the intimate side of the life of the spouses;
if a child at 2 years old does not want to sleep in his bed, then it is extremely difficult to accustom him to a personal sleeping place. In addition, there is often a "split" of the family on this issue, when the father seeks to send the baby to a separate bed, and the mother, feeling sorry for her beloved little one, wants to delay the moment of "separation";
children's hygiene is more serious, so any infection can increase its impact in a closed bed environment. In addition, if dad smokes, then the baby may even experience allergic reactions to nicotine;
very rarely, but still, tragedies happen when a tired mother crushes a baby who sleeps at her side. Of course, such situations are rare, but you should not forget about them and you should not go to bed tired with the child either.

Co-sleeping can help out in a situation where adults feel a lack of communication with the baby throughout the day. For example, when a mother goes to work literally 4 months after the birth of a baby and leaves during the day.

From the point of view of psychologists, children who slept in their parents' bed in infancy are more dependent on mom and dad. However, strong attachment is noted at an early age, then, if there is no excessive guardianship in education, relations are normalized.

The question of how to accustom a newborn to a crib almost never arises from parents, because if a child is put to sleep in his own bed from the first days of life, then there will simply be no problem with weaning.

If the child, from the moment of birth, fell asleep with his parents or mother, weaning will be delayed. That is why it is necessary to choose an age that is most favorable from a psychological and physiological point of view.

During this period, the number of night feedings is significantly reduced, the baby can sleep through the night without waking up. Also, at 6 months, the child rolls over without the risk of suffocation and this process does not need special control.

However, this age period is just a recommended period, since it is imperative to look at the characteristics of the baby. Will It is easier to teach a child to sleep in a crib if:

the baby is able to sleep soundly at night (the number of night awakenings is 1-2 times);
natural feeding has either already been stopped, or the mother is breastfeeding the baby three times a day;
the baby does not cry and does not scream if he does not see mom and dad when he wakes up;
he is able to remain alone for a quarter of an hour;
he seeks to push off from his parents during sleep;
the baby was born full-term, does not suffer from chronic diseases;
weaning from the parental bed does not coincide with stressful moments (teaching potty etiquette, the birth of a brother / sister, entering kindergarten, weaning).

Solving the problem of how to teach a child to sleep separately does not involve depriving the body of contact with the mother, but demonstrating the benefits of independent sleep.

If the child does not want to sleep in the crib, the problem may be in his separate bed. In such a situation, you should purchase a special side bed.

This type of furniture is an ordinary cradle, but it lacks one side. Thus, the crib flows smoothly into the bed for the parents, and vice versa.

With the help of special fasteners, a bed for a child is installed on the same level as an adult bed. The baby, as it were, falls asleep separately, but is next to his mother.

A mother can breastfeed her baby at any time, without even having to get out of bed. Having sated, the child quickly closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of the mother's body. Affectionate mother's touches will also contribute to calming.

When the baby grows up a little (for example, at 2 or 3 months), a small side is created from a diaper in his bed for some separation from the mother. After another 4 weeks, the wooden board returns to its place, usually during this time the child has time to get used to the bed.

After a while, the bed is gradually moved away from the parental bed. This sequence allows you to avoid violent reactions from the child and prepare the mother psychologically for "parting" with her child.

How to accustom a child to his crib?

Of course, first of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the needs and desires of the baby. However, we should not forget about the interests of adults. So, the popular TV doctor Komarovsky is convinced that you should not sacrifice yourself to the kids.

This means that you need to act decisively and take into account the interests of each household member. After all, if mom or dad doesn’t get enough sleep or wakes up broken, no one will feel better from this.

Transferring a baby to a separate crib requires consistency, patience and consideration of the child's age. Of course, the methods chosen will be different in 3 months or 3 years.

As already noted, the most favorable period for weaning a baby from the parental bed is considered to be the age of six months, plus or minus a few weeks.

In infancy, the baby tends to quickly part with habits. What can be done in this case:

experienced mothers are advised to carefully monitor children's reactions. In order for the baby to fall asleep faster, you need to put him to bed not according to the established schedule, but at the first sign of fatigue. Otherwise, the active child will start spinning in the cradle, reaching for the handles;
you can influence the subconscious mind by creating a connection between a certain action and falling asleep in an infant. A baby already at 4 or 5 months old is able to “track” the connection of bathing, relaxing massage and laying in bed. Also, a lullaby before bed can be a good ritual;
a baby bed is a place designed exclusively for falling asleep. You need to feed, play with the baby in completely different corners;
if the baby falls asleep immediately after feeding, you need to put a diaper under the baby. After a quarter of an hour (when the baby falls asleep deeply), you need to move the baby to bed. In addition, a soft diaper will retain the mother's smell, which will contribute to sound sleep;
how to teach a newborn to sleep separately? Usually there are no problems with such a small baby. But for a good sleep, you can create the conditions for the baby to which he is accustomed in the mother's womb. Experienced mothers advise swaddling a baby up to 4-8 weeks, then this method no longer works.

If a child sleeps with his parents until about the end, then he learns to constantly contact them. Therefore, touch is extremely important to him.

In order to wean a one-year-old child from sleeping together with mom and dad as painlessly as possible, it is necessary to try to compensate for the number of touches and tactile proximity throughout the day.

This will allow the baby to feel surrounded by tenderness and love. But psychologists do not advise taking it on hand. It is better to just stroke, kiss, demonstrating affection with the help of touches.

Children over 2 years old

If the parents failed to accustom the child to his own crib at 6 or 9 months, it cannot be unequivocally said that the good time has already been lost, and the baby will no longer get used to the new sleeping place.

first advice: if the child does not sleep in the crib, you should accustom to a new sleeping place gradually. Use the hint above - use an attached baby bed. The baby will be nearby, but separate from the parents. Then the crib is moved away from the parent bed;
It will be easier to accustom a child to a crib if you offer him to buy furniture himself. In stores there are models in the form of a car, a magic palace, an airplane, a ship;
for the purchased bed, you need to buy related accessories: a blanket, a sheet, a soft pillow, new pajamas. If the baby is wary of the darkness in the nursery, get a night light;
to accustom the baby to sleep will help his peers, they already have their own separate corner for sleeping. Go visit so your child can see how other children treat their own crib with respect and pride;
the baby will get used to his crib more quickly if he sleeps in it during the day. When laying down, you need to cover the curtains, create a pleasant psychological atmosphere, for example, read a fairy tale or give the baby a massage. For sleep to come sooner, be sure to take a walk, let the child run and get a little tired;
When the baby gets used to it, you can already switch to a night's sleep in the crib. Turn on a night lamp to eliminate various fears, read fairy tales. During the day, you need to deal with the child, so that by dinner he already feels pleasant fatigue. However, make sure that children do not overwork.

It may sound a little strange, but, first of all, the mother must want to sleep separately. During a joint stay in the same bed, a woman could get used to this situation, and now, on a subconscious level, she does not want to part with her child.

So, we found out that mother's anxiety and psychological resistance are transmitted to children, as a result of which the child does not want to sleep in a separate bed or simply cannot fall asleep.

In order not to spoil the process of accustoming to a separate bed, you need to avoid other common mistakes. For example, it is forbidden:

intimidate children;
refuse to turn on the night light;
act in harmony with your spouse. It is important to first agree with the husband on the uniform requirements for the child;
screaming, using punishment if the child refuses to sleep in the crib;
to transfer a two- or three-year-old baby from the parent's bed to the baby's cradle, especially if she is standing in another room (this age period is the time when fears appear);
tease, call names, laugh at children's fears or unwillingness to sleep separately;
discuss the current situation with other people, even relatives, in the presence of the child;
leave the baby crying in bed for a long time when he wakes up and does not see his mother (also, you should not immediately run to another room at the first squeak);
allow the baby to stay in the parent's bed. An accustomed child can try to sleep with mom and dad using various tricks, manipulating their feelings (an exception is if the baby is sick).

If replenishment is expected in the family soon, it is necessary to move the eldest child to a separate bed even before the birth of the youngest family member.

Otherwise, it will seem to the first-born that the change of the place of spending the night is connected with the birth of a brother / sister, as a result of which protest reactions and constant attacks of jealousy may arise.

As a conclusion

If the question of how to teach a child to sleep separately from their parents seems too complicated for you, you can seek qualified advice from a pediatrician or psychologist.

it will be easier for a child to fall asleep alone if accustoming to a crib takes place in the optimal age period - from six to eight months;
the younger the toddler, the easier it is for him to adapt to the conditions of falling asleep. Newborn babies usually (but not always) sleep peacefully without their mother;
an extra bed is considered the best way to teach, which allows you to be close to the child and at the same time keep a certain distance;
you should not delay moving to a personal baby bed until 2 - 3 years. At such an “adult” age, the addiction process will be seriously delayed and become more painful;
you can’t punish, scold the child, otherwise he will perceive a separate falling asleep as a disciplinary measure, which is not very good for parent-child relationships;
it is important to bring the issue of children's sleep to a common denominator by discussing all the rules with other household members. The process of accustoming to the crib can be delayed if the grandmother puts the crumbs under her side.

As you know, every change in a child's life is not easy. However, if you follow all the important rules and conditions, then very soon the baby will enjoy sleeping in his own bed, and you will enjoy peace and quiet, as well as a full-fledged marital relationship.

Good sleep is one of the most important conditions for the normal development of the child. That is why it is necessary to pay due attention to the problems associated with children's sleep. One of these problems is the inability or unwillingness of the baby to fall asleep without the help of mom and dad. This issue can affect both the parents of an infant and the parents of an older child. How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own without tears and tantrums?

Can a baby fall asleep on its own?

Most of those who have become parents quite recently do not even think about their baby falling asleep on its own. In almost every family, entire rituals are created to help put the child to sleep. But experts say that even a baby who has not reached the age of one is able to independently fit into daytime and nighttime sleep, if he is taught this in time. Exceptions apply only to a newborn child: children under 4 weeks still need their mother too much, because they have not yet adapted to the world around them. It is impossible to teach such babies something, but mom and dad are quite capable of helping their baby fall asleep faster and easier. For this you can use:

swaddling. It is much more common for a newborn to feel somewhat cramped: this allows him to feel as if he is still in his mother's belly. Proper swaddling helps the baby fall asleep in warmth and comfort;
calm music, mother's singing or other sounds that are pleasant for the baby. You can turn on slow classical music for the baby (including specially adapted for newborns) or sing lullabies quietly. Gentle melodies and mother's voice always have a calming effect on the baby. By "other sounds" is meant the so-called white noise. It can be the sound of a waterfall, flowing water, the hiss of a radio wave;
gentle pats. If the mother hugs the baby to her and lightly pats him on the back or pope, the child will fall asleep faster. Light rhythmic movements soothe babies.

While the baby is still very small, the use of motion sickness is quite acceptable. For this, a stroller, a special children's deck chair, a car seat and, of course, mother's hands can be used. But before you put your newborn down this way, try letting him fall asleep on his own. If he does not need motion sickness and is quite capable of falling asleep without screaming and crying, after lying down for a while in the crib, this is just wonderful. It is possible that in the future he will fall asleep on his own. If motion sickness is the main method that allows you to put the baby to sleep, then it is necessary to abandon them already when the baby is 2 months old. The older the child, the more difficult it is to teach him to fall asleep without prolonged rocking in the stroller or in his arms.

For children 2-4 months old, the rules change somewhat. You can still use swaddling and lullabies if it helps your baby fall asleep on his own. The child will fall asleep faster if he is slightly tired: for this, he must be awake for at least an hour and a half before going to bed at night. It is possible and necessary to bathe the baby at this time, this contributes to better falling asleep and a stronger and more peaceful night's rest. Babies under one year old have a strong sucking reflex, so a pacifier can be used within reasonable limits. The pacifier helps the child to calm down and fall asleep faster - provided that the baby is dry and full. If the baby lies in the crib and tosses and turns, but does not cry, do not rush to take him in your arms. Stay close, but don't talk or play with him. If the baby knows that the mother is nearby, he will feel safe and eventually calmly go to sleep.

How to teach a child to sleep at 1 year old

It is already much more difficult to teach a one-year-old child to fall asleep on his own than a baby. This is partly due to the fact that at this age the baby often has a crisis of 1 year, one of the manifestations of which is the urgent need for the constant presence of the mother. A one-year-old baby perceives himself and his mother as a whole and simply cannot imagine that she will disappear somewhere. When the mother leaves the room, it seems to him that she will never return. On the other hand, children at the age of 1 year are already quite successful in manipulating their parents and forcing them to obey their rules. Therefore, in order to avoid tears and screams, many mothers and fathers prefer to put the child to sleep for hours, instead of teaching him to fall asleep on his own. But this can continue indefinitely, and the child will only strengthen in his habit. Therefore, it is necessary to wean him from this method of falling asleep as early as possible.

To teach a baby to fall asleep on his own, you must first prepare him, otherwise you can meet very sharp resistance on his part. To do this, you must adhere to several important rules:

adhere to the daily routine as much as possible. Many children at the age of one are already quite capable of eating, walking and sleeping according to a certain schedule. Their small body quickly gets used to this way of life, so it is much easier for these children to tune in to a night's sleep than for those who go to bed at different times all the time;
calmly explain to the baby why he should fall asleep on his own and in his crib. Tell him that he is already big, brave and knows how to do everything on his own. Of course, this does not work immediately and not always, but this point should not be neglected;
Develop your own bedtime ritual. This happens differently in every family. For example, a child bathed, put on pajamas, listened to a fairy tale, kissed his mother, and then fell asleep peacefully. If you come to this particular order of actions, follow it always. This helps the baby to tune in the right way. Soon he will begin to understand that all these procedures are related to preparing for sleep;
give the child a "protector". This means that he can sleep with his favorite toy. Explain that she "protects" his sleep and is always there. So he will fall asleep more calmly and wake up much more pleasantly.

Once you notice that all of these rules are being followed regularly, move on to the next step. Teach him to fall asleep on his own in his own crib.

To do this, give up motion sickness, lullabies, stroking, patting and other methods that you actively used before. You just put the baby in his bed, say good night, turn on the nightlight and leave the room. Almost all children at this moment begin to cry and call for their mother. Wait a few minutes and enter the room to let the child know that the mother has not disappeared, is always nearby and can come at any moment. Put the baby down again and tell him it's time for bed. Speak calmly and confidently. Then leave again. Gradually, the time after which you will return to the room should be increased. Soon the baby will understand that the mother will not disappear anywhere, will stop being afraid and crying and will begin to fall asleep on her own.

This is a slightly relaxed Estiville method. Unchanged, it's pretty hard training, but promises that a baby can be taught to fall asleep on its own in as little as 7 days. For many parents, the Esteville method is unacceptable, as it seems to them that the child is under severe stress, and this can adversely affect his nervous system. In fact, there is no evidence that such a technique does any harm to the baby. The only problem is that most parents cannot bear the tears of the child associated with the refusal to fall asleep on their own. Each parent has the right to decide for himself whether this method is suitable for him.

How to teach a child 2-3 years old

All recommendations that relate to falling asleep on their own at the age of 1 year are also applicable to children 2-3 years old. Often at this age, the baby is “resettled” not only in his own bed, but also in a separate room. It should be comfortable and like the baby. Don't forget your bedtime rituals. For children at 2-3 years old, this is still relevant, and sometimes even more important than for one-year-old babies.

Do not allow the child to fall asleep in his own bed in order to later transfer him to the nursery. From the very beginning, teach him to lay down for a night's sleep in his own bed. You can and should turn on the baby's night light and give him his favorite toy with you to the crib. Determine the time you will spend with him before bed and be sure to let him know about it. For example: "Now we will read this fairy tale, and after that we will sleep." Keep your promise. After reading a fairy tale, wish the child good night and leave the room.

Often at this age, children already have obsessive fears that prevent them from falling asleep alone. If this applies to your child, don't ignore it. Listen carefully and try to allay his fears. If he is afraid of "monsters" living in the closet or under the bed, be sure to take his hand and show that no one is there. Tell your child the story that toys are their best protectors and remind them that mom and dad are there too and are always ready to help.

Be patient when teaching your child to fall asleep on their own. Don't yell or get mad at him if he can't do it yet. Success depends only on your actions. Confidence, calmness, patience, supported by boundless parental love - these are the conditions for achieving the desired result.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own? The resistance of the baby and his unwillingness to sleep separately entail anxiety, night terrors, whims, trouble falling asleep and restless sleep. The child faces the most important psychological task - to learn to be his own support.

Of course, he should know that his mother is nearby and will always come to the rescue. But he also needs to be sure that fear and loneliness in his own bed can be dealt with. How? The baby should have an emotional attachment. Most often it becomes a favorite soft toy. She will always be by his side in bed. Such a "night friend" can be a picture on the wall or a pet that will sleep in the baby's room. If the child has not yet found this attachment, then the primary task of the parents is to help him in this.

The skill of independent sleep: why there are difficulties?

How to wean a child to sleep with parents? The concepts of "wean and accustom" refer to children-rhythmics. They have a lights out on schedule, they are accommodating and, in general, “easy” guys. Rhythmics adapt much faster to alternative sleep conditions. But what if the child is dysrhythmic? This is where the difficulties arise. This one has somersaults all day and all night. He does not fit into the framework, regime, routine - in a word, a "difficult" child. The dysrhythmic is characterized by increased sensitivity, hence restless sleep, fatigue, hyperactivity and nervousness. It is impossible to be inactive with such a child and let everything take its course. Study the character and temperament of the baby. This will help to find a unique approach to it when organizing independent sleep.

How do you break old habits and develop new ones?

We often hear from parents: “It’s your own fault! Taught." There is no one to blame in this situation. The child goes through different stages of development, parents support him as much as possible. What was vital and necessary six months ago is fading into the background. Success in accustoming to independent sleep lies in seizing the right moment and abandoning remnants in time. Here, not only knowledge comes to the rescue, but also parental intuition.

How to teach a child to fall asleep without a breast? Difficult, painful, intimate question. It is associated with the psychological readiness of the mother. There are two opposite methods. The first is categorical, tough, popular, requiring determination and strong nerves. One day, mom doesn’t give “sisu” and that’s it. In most cases, a violent reaction and a series of sleepless nights follow. What is important? Distinguish needs: does he want to eat or suck? The chest is not empty. This baby must be taught from the first days of life. If you decide not to breastfeed, then be persistent. If she screams, offer a pacifier. Refuses and continues to scream - be patient. By the way, when children cry, they swallow more oxygen, after which they sleep soundly. Another method is gradual, gentle. It is recommended to first remove the daytime breastfeeding, and then the nighttime one. Breastfeeding is a way for a baby to relax. You need to replace it with other options. Hugs, stroking, tactile contact are extremely important during the period of falling asleep without a breast. Verbal contact helps to distract well: mother's voice, reading fairy tales, lullabies.

How to teach a child to sleep in his own room? Moving a child to his room can be considered the first initiation into an independent life. This is an important stage of psychological maturation. Why not make it a holiday? For example, to coincide with some date and make it a joyful event. There are many options for furnishing a children's room and bed. It should be comfortable and safe. What else can help? A night light placed next to the bed. At first, the baby will be able to fall asleep in low light. This nightlight can also become a close friend. Good support will be rituals before going to bed: kisses, hugs, stroking, fairy tales, reading books. At first, the baby may be afraid to sleep separately. In this case, for several nights, parents can sleep in his room. And it is also important at this moment to instill in the baby a sense of pride: he is well done, big, independent. At what age does a child move into their own room? It is impossible to answer unambiguously. This is an individual solution for each family. The average is 3 years. It happens that the child lingers in the parental bedroom until 6-7 years old. As a rule, this is due to the fear of the dark and others. Of course, you need to eliminate the causes and realize that this is a family-wide psychological problem.
How to teach a child to sleep separately? The baby sees his mother as an extension of himself. Therefore, separation, "relocation" to the crib can be painful. Many parents practice co-sleeping with babies. This is a simple and painless way to solve the problem of baby anxiety and night feedings. However, over time, fatigue accumulates, the baby grows, it becomes cramped. Where to begin? Offer the baby an alternative: move his bed closer to yours. You can remove the side part and move the crib close so that you can reach out to the baby if he is worried. Tactile contact is extremely important to him. Over time, the crib can be moved away. The baby will feel safe. Usually the baby starts sleeping separately when the breastfeeding period ends. If weaning went smoothly, then the problem of separate sleep is solved by itself.

How to teach a child to sleep through the night? In infants up to six months, night feedings are a biological necessity. In this case, there is no need to discuss the issue of sleep without awakening. After the baby is already able to sleep through the night. However, life shows that not everything is so smooth. Problematic night sleep can be a year, two, three, five years. Every age has its reasons. You can teach under one condition - without coercion, screaming, threats, conditions. Sleep should be associated with a baby with pleasant emotions. What do you need to pay attention to? First, mode and more fresh air. Maximum activity during the day, less games and emotions in the evening, so as not to excite the nervous system. Secondly, food. The child should not be overfed at night, but he should still go to bed full. The older he is, the longer the interval between the last meal and going to bed becomes. Thirdly, environmental conditions: comfortable, sufficient, correctly chosen mattress, clothes, etc.
How to wean a child to sleep in his arms? The most valuable advice of experienced mothers is not to accustom! However, there are different circumstances and conditions. There are children who require increased attention to themselves and live with mom or dad in their arms. How to be in such a situation? Start from the cause, look for it. You can rock the baby, hold it in your arms, but he must still fall asleep in the crib. It is important to accustom the baby to his personal space from the first weeks of life. Then there will be no problems in the future. But with age, he gains weight, and mom gets tired not only morally, but also physically. At first, you can be nearby, tell fairy tales, sing lullabies. After some time, the presence of a mother can be replaced by a favorite toy, calm music.

So, the parents decided to accustom the child to independent sleep. What needs to be considered? Alternative suggestions should be gradual and regular. Children react painfully to any changes. New methods should be used only when the baby is healthy. It is also important that mothers, fathers and other relatives be consistent in their actions and adhere to a single opinion.

The Dr. Esteville Method: 7 Steps to Self-Sleeping

Mom and dad should not sacrifice themselves and adapt to the child in everything. Learning to sleep independently is an introduction to the general family routine. It should be beneficial to everyone. The method of the Spanish professor Estiville, described in the book “Sleep well”, may seem inhumane to someone. However, many mothers note that it was he who helped to cope with the situation when the child does not fall asleep on his own.

external incentives. Their use will help the crumbs to adjust to independent falling asleep. Dr. Esteville refers to them: a bed, a pacifier (if necessary), a toy, pajamas, a pillow, a blanket.
Inner motivation of parents. Dad and mom show parental will. The learning process should not be accompanied by insecurity and guilt. Patience, calmness, kindness will help here. This internal state will be a good setting for the baby.
Self-sleeping skills. Parents should be observers of the process, not active participants. The author of the technique does not recommend rocking a six-month-old baby in his arms before falling asleep, caressing him, distracting him with food and drink, and singing lullabies to him. What is the meaning of this external severity? In order for the crumbs to develop a reflex: it’s not my mother who puts it down, but I myself fall asleep.
Repeatability of actions. Helps develop a sense of safety and security in the child. , feeding, putting on pajamas, wishing sweet dreams, turning off the light - all these actions should be repeated every evening, at about the same time. The baby will be well familiar with the evening scenario, this will help him relax.
The beginning of "re-education". If the child sleeps with his parents, during the first experimental day he needs to be reminded that today he will sleep in his own crib. After all the evening procedures, the parents offer to hang a drawing in his room above the bed. They explain that this picture will sleep with him all night. The picture should show what the baby really likes: a favorite animal, a flower, a toy, a cartoon character. In addition, the child should have a favorite toy in the crib.
Fulfillment of a promise. So, the baby lies in his bed. Mom kisses him, wishes him good night, says that she will look at him in a minute and leaves. Whatever the reaction of the child, the mother must fulfill the promise and enter the room in a minute.
Maintaining a pause. If the child cries, the mother does not come to regret, but once again calmly explain: "It's time to sleep, sunshine!". It is important that the child is aware at this moment that he has not been abandoned. After the explanatory speech, the mother leaves again, whatever the reaction, and warns that she will be back in 3 minutes. Be sure to pause and enter the room no earlier than the set time. During the week, the time of seclusion of the baby gradually increases. Dr. Estiville gives a table that indicates at what intervals and how many times you need to visit the baby.

Table - Intervals for visiting a child