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How to help older parents (and not go crazy). Mood and mental health

This is a question that is thoroughly studied in gerontology - an interdisciplinary field of knowledge that unites different sciences: sociology, psychology, medicine, biology, etc.

Age is a social, not just a biological, category.

From this point of view, older people are carriers of the formed stereotyped behavior, which often irritates others. This happens because the elderly, as it were, "do not notice" the people around them, all the time checking "by their watches."

From the point of view of sociology, older people often try to maintain influence on their loved ones and their own acquired status, using property rights, appealing to past merits, grievances, etc. , abandonment. Different people experience changes in their social status in the family and society in different ways.

In history, there have been different ways of solving the problems of the "elderly". In a number of societies, the "healed" were left without the help of the collective to certain death, somewhere they were surrounded by care. It is important to note that in most societies age is considered a dignity only up to a certain point, until the elderly, due to physical ill health, did not become a burden for others.

In the modern world, the "problem of the elderly" has not been objectively resolved. This is expressed, for example, in the aggravation of relations between generations. But not only. The social situation is changing very quickly and people do not have time to move into the semantic world of newly emerging values, norms, and relations. Individualization, in turn, also allows the "conservation" of the world of an individual person, outlines the boundaries around his "I". In modern times, there is, for example, an increase in the number of dementive mental disorders, which manifest themselves just in old age.

The solution to the problems of old age is complex, since they themselves are ambiguous, but combine different reasons.

From the point of view of sociology, the "problem of the elderly" is solved only through compulsory efforts - both from one side and the other. They should be aimed at recognizing the essence of the conflict and restoring dialogue. All participants in the quarrel must make concessions for the sake of understanding and recognition of a unifying goal, convergence of interests. Social services can play an important role, of course, if they are developed in the country.

In the sense it is not clear?

“Elderly people are carriers of the formed stereotyped behavior, which often annoys others. This is because the elderly, as it were,“ do not notice ”the people around them, all the time checking their watches.

From the point of view of sociology, older people often try to maintain influence on their loved ones and their own acquired status, using property rights, appealing to past merits, grievances, etc. , abandonment. Different people experience changes in their social status in family and society in different ways. "

In my opinion, everything was clearly explained.

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Since childhood, we associate old age with wisdom, gentleness, kindness and grandmother's pancakes. Adults build relationships differently. When dealing with old people, we can face anger, endless grumbling and selfishness.

Sometimes an elderly person behaves in such a way that it seems that everyone is doing wrong. Only he knows how to do it. This translates into a lot of criticism towards the young relatives.

One of the biggest problems is anger. Old age in itself is a pretty serious test. We have to face the understanding that life is finite. Overestimation of life results can begin to affect, old wounds - unfulfillment, accumulated anger. All this reminds of itself more and more often and splashes out on loved ones.

Another misfortune is boring. His roots can also go back to the past and be a consequence of the fact that people around him did not listen to his opinion before. A conviction is formed that in order to be heard, you need to speak more and more often, repeating the same thought repeatedly.

A characteristic quality of quarrelsome old people is painful resentment. Any comment or simply insufficient attention turns into pursed lips, an expression of dissatisfaction.

“The elderly have their own characteristics,- says the psychologist of the St. Petersburg "Sundeev Center" Rodion Chepalov. - Depending on the type and dynamics of the personality, they can be expressed in different symptoms. This is what gerontopsychology does. It is most unpleasant when these signs become stubbornness, impatience with other people's opinions, and overestimated self-esteem. Among the difficulties is the inability to come to an agreement, to achieve an equal partnership, to receive short practical advice and help within reasonable limits. "

The final stage

In general, in old age, the character becomes more complicated with the appearance of restrictions in life, and from the feeling of existing and potential dependence, and from the fear of one's own helplessness. And anger is sometimes also a way to attract attention to yourself.

The feeling of one's own uselessness and loneliness also plays a role. The latter is felt more acutely if a person has lost a spouse or spouse, and lives at some distance from his children.

When a person is over 80, it is necessary to take into account the features associated with possible pathologies of the brain and with atrophy of individual cells. Alas, many senile diseases can change or worsen their character.

My dear old men

If your old people live separately, it is easier psychologically, but more difficult physically: you need to visit, help, bring bags of groceries. The degree of kinship also plays an important role. It's one thing to be your own grandmother who raised you, another thing to be a harmful elderly mother-in-law. In the second case, on both sides. But they both often exhibit the same behavioral problems.

1. Aggressor. Everything you do is bad and wrong. This is stated in a harsh form, up to and including insults. Sometimes such relatives have a tendency to complain about children to others.

2. Always resentful or grumpy. No, such relatives will not show aggression and insult you, however, with their sighs and sad reproaches, they will create an enduring feeling of guilt in you.

3. "Bee". A grandmother of this type will take her grandchildren from school and cook dinner and bake a pie in the evening. She does not think about herself, but on the other hand, she demands that for her labors there was considerable moral return on your part.

4. Egoist. Yes, such elderly relatives will not creep into your life and harass you with advice. All this does not interest them very much. But self-care will be required to the fullest. They can manipulate health information to get you to run across town.

5. Distrustful. They don't trust anyone, including family and friends. The latter are suspected of only waiting for their untimely death and trying to take possession of the property.

6. God's dandelion. A quiet and harmless type, hovering a little in other areas, but often in need of increased care.

Grandma has arrived!

We can say that there is a whole program for communicating with elderly relatives.

First of all, you need to have patience, patience and patience again. “You can imagine an elderly person as a child and try to remember what good he did to you in life,- says Rodion Chepalov. - Try to see positive traits and think that you too will someday become so. Treat an elderly relative the way you would like to be treated in old age. "

In direct communication, it is also necessary to master certain skills of the art of conversation. It is worth talking more with an elderly relative, finding common themes and points of contact.

It is easier to agree with other relatives than to enter into a long and unconstructive argument. It is not always worth paying attention to the form in which this or that advice is expressed. If it is efficient, then why not use it. We must admit that sometimes we are more annoyed with how exactly this is all said, which prevents us from understanding what they want from us. Moreover, you can ask for advice yourself more often. But for the elderly themselves, the wording is just more important than the very essence of what has been said.

Unmotivated aggression is best ignored. With aggressors, grumblers and distrustful old people, the method of the glass cover, that is, psychological distancing, works well.

In general, one should be careful about one's own remarks. Is it annoying that a relative does not follow the rules of hygiene for a long time? It is not necessary to defiantly wrinkle your nose, it is better to motivate the old woman to “create a new look”.

“Any comments should be expressed in a tactful manner,- says Rodion Chepalov. - Anyone needs respect. Try to avoid conflictogens: generalizations ("you always ..."), references to the past ("as long as I remember you, you are terrible ..."). When dealing with elderly relatives, it is necessary to apply all those anti-conflict techniques that are used with other people. And the basic principles of communication should be kindness, respect, mercy, compassion, tolerance, compassion. "

Fill the void

Often, elderly people simply do not know where to find a use for themselves. Therefore, we must provide them with the opportunity to feel their need. Sometimes it seems to you that by freeing your grandmother from the hassle of her grandchildren, you are doing a good deed, but this is not always the case. Especially in need of workload "bees".

The "ritual" of being is very important - that is, regular visits to people. Calls at a certain time and visits from your side also matter. This helps the elderly relative to keep himself in good shape and feel a certain order of his existence. But as for the type of "egoists", relations with them must be determined according to the principle of "contract", that is, by defining your obligations to the smallest detail, based on the possibilities.

1. Personal pronouns indicate a participant in a conversation or an object: me, we, you, you, he, she, it, they... They change in cases and numbers, pronoun he changes by gender.

The offer may include:

Subject: I AM I freeze in delight.

Predictable: A who this gentleman?

Addendum: The old man spoke with him irritated, bilious tone.

Circumstance: Under him a stream is lighter than azure, under him a ray of the sun is golden.

2. Reflexive pronoun myself indicates the person being talked about. It does not have the form of Im.p., gender and number. In the sentence is an addition: Roshchin looked to myself in the mirror.

Attention!Walk past yourself- here the word "myself" is a particle in the verb.

3. Interrogative pronouns replace adjectives: who ?, what ?, which ?, whose ?, which ?, what ?, how much? other. Pronoun what? changes only by gender and number. Pronouns who ?, what ?, how much? change only in cases. Interrogative pronouns are used in interrogative sentences. The offer may include:

Subject: Who did not conclude such conditions with your conscience?

Addition: About what would you like to know?

By definition: Which a flower fell at my feet?

4. Relative pronouns: who, what, who, whose, what, what, how much? other... They are used in complex sentences, where they are union words. The offer may include:

Subject: Then bit any, who could hold a rod in his hand.

Predictable: What is Apple tree, such are and apples.

Addendum: They learned of the existence poet, whose the poems were folk.

By definition: I saw a cat in which there were yellow eyes.

5. Indefinite pronouns point to unknown items. They are formed from interrogative pronouns with the help of prefixes some-, some- and suffixes -this, -or, -something: someone, something, some, some, several, some, something, some someone, something. Some, some vary in gender and number.

The offer may include:

Subject: Some from the summer residents went out the gate.

By definition: Masha fancied some rustle outside the door.

Addition: Leaves whispered about something his own.

Circumstance: Several days it rained.

6. Possessive pronouns indicate that the item belongs to something or someone: my, your, him, her, them, our, your, your... They change in gender, number and case, except for pronouns. him, her, them... The offer may contain:

By definition: Lisa raised on him their clear eyes.

Nominal part of the predicate: Cherry Orchard became mine.



7. Demonstrative pronouns indicate an item among other items: this, this, such, such, this, so much... They change in cases, except such is... They vary in gender and number, except this one, as much as... The offer may contain:

Subject: Yes, pathetic that in whom the conscience is not clear.

Predictable: What is the question - such is answer.

By definition: This the conversation did not bring relief.

Addition: In the village only about it and talked.

Attention! When declining pronouns so many and how the stress always falls on the first syllable: so much, oh so many.

8. Definitive pronouns indicate a generalized attribute of an object: all, everyone, everyone, himself, himself, any, different, different. They vary by gender, number of cases, except every.

The sentence may contain:

Subject: Not any able to jump from a height.

Predicted: Lara was different, any.

Definition: The sun has removed all shadows.

Addition: About everything that was, I do not regret.

9. Negative pronouns indicate the absence of an object: no one, no one, no one, no one, nothing. They are formed from interrogative pronouns using the prefixes not-, nor-. They vary in gender, number and case, except nobody, nothing.

The offer may include:

Subject: The night was dark, but nothing did not please.

Add-on: Houses nobody did not have.

Definition: None persuasion did not help.

In modern societies, representatives of several generations still often live in the same house: grandparents, their children, their grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Old age sometimes conflicts with the younger generation. Before grown-up children and grandchildren, the question often arises: how to provide your beloved grandmother with a happy old age, and at the same time not go crazy yourself?

How to avoid a situation when old age is not a joy?

“My grandmother is 84, with her head and health, on the whole, she is not bad, she reads books and even knits. But sometimes he suddenly ceases to do anything at all, to wash, to go out into the street. And I have to persuade her all the time. Once I thought: what if this is not necessary? Maybe she's just tired of living and has the right to go to bed and not get up? Am I afraid of that because my life will get complicated? They also say: old age is wisdom. But nothing but grumbling and complaints about life, discussion of programs on TV like "At the top of my voice", and constant concern for my granddaughter, expressed in phone calls seven times a day, I have never heard from my grandmother. Although she is 84 and she lived a very difficult life. But why is she silent? How to "dig" out of grandmothers their wisdom and everyday experience? Maybe it depends on me that my grandmother doesn't share with me? "

Everyone knows the comparison of old people with children.

But there is one big difference: the child is capricious, inept, mischievous, asking the same thing a hundred times, for the mother - the main thing. She puts all her life potential: biological, mental, spiritual, into it, because the child is the future. And old people are the past. And although they are in many ways similar to children and the methods of communication and caring for them are also similar, for people, even relatives, they are something that is already passing.

Therefore, the question arises at the level of motivation. After all, it seems that all the energy costs of the family invested in the elderly will not be justified in any way. From the point of view of biology, this is so. That is why in some peoples there was (and in some places it was preserved) the custom of killing their old people. Today society does not physically kill old people, but psychologically acts cruelly. When he retired, he was struck out of society. Material wealth decreases several times. This leads to humiliation of people and cannot but affect the subconscious perception of old people as inferior people, even if we sympathize with them with all our hearts.

Don't underestimate the collective unconscious - old age is annoying

The cult of youth, strength, health, on the contrary, is flourishing. So such a couple - a granddaughter-grandmother - is in some way an antagonism, they are representatives of two different social groups. It is beyond the power of one granddaughter living with her grandmother to provide a happy old age. Do not set yourself this super task. All modern worldview, way of life, and your natural human limitations are against you. In addition, you are not responsible for the grandmother's character, personal characteristics, her current fate. Just do what you can, proceeding not only from the biology of life, but also from your good desire to help, comfort, listen to the motives of your soul and grandmother's reactions.

Everyone can understand and do the following when dealing with old people:

- Treat old age as a mystery to be solved

Living with your grandmother is no more difficult than living with other family members. Grandma is the same “other person” in your life. And a difficult relationship with her can signal something very important in your relationship with others. The fact that it is impossible to touch the wisdom and everyday experience of grandmothers is in many ways a problem of children and grandchildren, not the elderly.

Old people are the informational code of the genus, you just need to know it. Why is there no such live connection, transmission? Why is there no current in the system? Do we communicate in the wrong language? After all, the old man speaks not only in words, but also in a way of life.

- Old people, like children, cannot be deceived.

If we believe that they have outlived theirs and can no longer give us anything, they will not give anything. If we believe that they have outlived theirs and owe us only wisdom, they will not give wisdom. Only the living can communicate with the living, and not the living with the obsolete. But there is something that even the most unwise old man can give a person: the ability to give just like that, disinterestedly, without expecting anything in return. Throwing good into the water. Old people are a mystery. We often do not know what is happening there, in a seemingly weak soul. The same, however, as in the soul of a baby.

- Try to be not the leader of the grandparents, but a partner

In ordinary cases, the main criterion for the correctness of your actions in relation to an elderly person is his benefit. If you see that your grandmother has not washed or walked for a long time, it is clear that this will not benefit her herself. Therefore, here, showing perseverance and patience, you need to encourage, persuade the grandmother to maintain the correct mode of life. You can resort to some kind of encouragement. You can try to find out the reason for the reluctance: what if it became difficult for her to wash herself? Or go down from the house to the shop at the entrance? Then you must definitely offer help. If the person is adequate, this problem will be solved. You just need to remember that a person can have a bad state of health and an unimportant mood. It's okay, you are not in the army, you can miss it once or twice.

- Take into account possible mental deviations

A person is so structured that the compensatory function of his psyche will necessarily manifest itself, and the grandmother will "fall into denial" out of the blue, will be stubborn not on business only in order to defend "freedom of the individual." Sometimes it is better, perhaps, not to touch the old person, to let him be calmly with him, in his room, in solitude, this is often necessary, especially when relatives live together. If there is a persistent and constant refusal from the most ordinary rules of life, hygienic procedures, this may hide a disease, organic damage to the central nervous system, mental functions. This requires the advice of a specialist. Old age can be accompanied by mental disorders.

- Gently stop hysterical or obsessive reactions and behaviors

If a grandmother calls her granddaughter ten times at work asking if everything is fine with her, or she is trying to conduct hour-long telephone conversations, well, be patient as long as you can, and then calmly and affectionately say that you need to work and say goodbye tenderly. And at home, be sure to ask not to call so often, otherwise you will not have time to do your job. In 99.9% of cases, when it comes to mental health, this will help. Perhaps, by such behavior, an elderly person signals that he is, he can worry about you, take care that you are not alone, he is with you. Maybe he felt lonely, scared. But you have to work, so do not be tormented by guilt, in this case false.

- Correctly decipher the negative

There is a certain critical level in gerontology: 75-79, when people either get seriously ill and die, or, having gone through this period, especially after 80, they continue to live more calmly. As a rule, people who have crossed the 80th anniversary are distinguished by special resilience and the ability to adapt. They are worth taking a closer look at, they are unique characters! After all, if you take the history of the USSR, look, they survived terror, famine, devastation, war, and brutal brainwashing. So if your grandmother is 84 and she is still reading books, discussing various modern problems with you, you have just a treasure of the most valuable vitality and qualities in front of you! And all these qualities are in your kind, you potentially have them!

- You have to understand that the psyche of any person is arranged in such a way that the bad is imprinted more strongly and lasts longer.

And saying this, a person is relieved of his heavy impressions. But not only. Focusing on the difficult, old people try to convey their experience to us, they want to help, warn. But you just need to be able to correctly decipher these codes, or at least understand their motivation. In the inability to discern this behind the external grumbling, the problem of young people is manifested. The classic approach in psychology: if you want to understand another person, put yourself in his place. A grandmother, who sits at home all day alone, naturally absorbs some emotions from TV, radio, newspapers, and wants to share them with someone. But on another person, such a splash sometimes acts as an irritant.

Of course, old people can often recall terrible years, and not even directly, but emotionally involved in some television programs discussing the fate of the country, government actions, theft of officials, etc. ...

- When a compromise is needed

try to somehow listen to your grandmother, but if you understand that she went in a circle, you have the right to tell her that you are very tired and would like to rest. There can be no feeling of guilt here, you are not omnipotent. The main thing is not to be irritated. With all due respect to an old man, living with him does not mean living by his rules. For a grandmother, compromise is often no less important than for a granddaughter. And a person within the boundaries of the norm, as a rule, wants him and goes to him. Not in one, so in another case. But the overall balance of concessions is being observed.

- Do not raise the issue of death if the elderly themselves are not ready to discuss it

A frequent question is whether to talk to old people about the death of their friends and acquaintances? It is difficult to answer unequivocally here. Many people, after 80-85 years, are already philosophical about death. Internally, they solved these issues for themselves. How? Sometimes it's a mystery. But there is no fear in them. Often they are so saturated with the length of life that for them death is a transition, not tragic, not dramatic, but necessary, as if it were another part of life. But there are also opposite examples. And you need to take into account both, to look at the person's reaction. If it’s negative, you don’t need to bring this up.

Not sure what to give your elderly mother or grandmother, your elderly father or grandfather for your birthday?

Give them communication, give them your time, attention, care. But above all - give them the opportunity to be useful and meaningful to you!

And remember: old people who live, we will all be. And what will be our "age characteristics"? Will there be a person next to us who is ready to tolerate us with love? Will your old age be a joy to you and your children and grandchildren?

based on materials from miloserdie.ru

In this article, you will learn:

    What is senile selfishness

    How senile selfishness manifests itself by example

    Senile selfishness is a disease

    What doctors say about senile selfishness

    What psychologists advise in the fight against senile egoism

    How to behave with loved ones

    How to leave old age selfishness by the wayside

Every person of mature age believes that there should be a child in a normal family. If you ask why, then one of the most common answers will be: "So that there is someone to take care of us in old age." Let's try to figure it out. Are children the result of love or an investment in the future? Where is the line between parental love and selfishness? When does love for a child turn into selfishness? What kind of concept is senile egoism? What should relatives do, is it possible to cope with this problem or to justify such parental behavior?

Senile egoism: illness or common condition

Selfishness is the desire to get benefits from everything, often to the detriment of the interests of others, even the closest people.

Often, an egoist, instead of benefit, inflicts tangible harm not only on others, but also on himself, destroying relationships, disregarding the interests of the family.

Female selfishness- this is often a misunderstanding on the part of the lady that the companion should have a certain degree of independence, have personal time to solve their own problems. The situation with attempts to go somewhere, to spend time separately from her half, is often interpreted by a woman as a chill in a relationship. It is not right. A man needs to switch to another mode to successfully resolve his problems.

Male selfishness often expressed in the fact that a person does not want to lose freedom, take responsibility for the family, but willingly uses female signs of attention. This is also a manifestation of selfishness.

Parental selfishness- submission of the child to his interests, refusal to accept him as an independent person, from the desire to reckon with him.

Senile selfishness- the need to prove their worth. It is often said "what is old, what is small". This is indeed the case. The difference between a child and an old person is only in the fact that the child grows, develops, and whims stop. In an old person, this quality manifests itself the more, the older he becomes.

An old person cannot influence the world due to loss of strength or health, but he still has such a need. As a result, he begins to put forward demands, to be capricious in a very childish way, thus attracting attention to himself, proving his significance.

Vera was the only, moreover, a late child in the family. It is clear that all the best was for her: toys, books, travel, school, tutors, university. Parents did everything to the maximum for their beloved girl. Thanks to them, she defended her Ph.D., followed by a doctorate, and received a prestigious job. Parents even took care of a profitable husband: he is 20 years older than Vera, but he is responsible, he can take care of, adequately support his family, occupies a position in society - a diplomat, the son of a minister.

But happiness fell apart almost immediately. Family life did not work out, a divorce followed. Father died.

Soon Vera met Ivan and - here she is, LOVE. Got to get married. But my mother suddenly fell ill.

Everything in life turned upside down once again. From morning to evening, my mother lamented: “Dad and I have invested everything in you, dedicated our whole life to you, and you, how can you? Why did you leave your husband, he is so good, from such a family? And this one! What he really is? He has nothing for his soul. " Such reproaches were repeated day after day. Such a manifestation of senile egoism exhausted Vera, tormented her.

Ivan, who at that time was already living with Vera and his mother, endured everything in silence. He worked three jobs, trying to provide for his family as best as possible. In the end, after a year of reproaches and humiliations, Ivan silently packed his things and left.

Vera and mom were left alone. The daughter again belonged only to her, and my mother went on the mend. It turns out that Vera's new husband was to blame for her illness. He made the old woman nervous, almost took her to the grave.

The years went by. Vera grew into a mature woman, but she was still alone. This person did not come out, this small stature, this bald one, this one has no prospects, this one with limited interests. This could go on indefinitely, but suddenly Vera fell in love. Recklessly fell in love with a colleague and after a couple of months realized that she was pregnant.

What started here! With renewed vigor, senile egoism, who had retreated, manifested itself.

This is unheard of! A shame! What would your father say if he was alive? How can you? You are already a grown woman, and you do this, - mother lamented.

The colleague, however, was delighted with the state of affairs, bought flowers, took his son and daughter (he was a widower) and came to meet the future mother-in-law.

Half an hour after their arrival, an ambulance was called for my mother, she was taken away with a heart attack.

At the hospital, the doctor announced to Vera that her grandmother's heart was healthy, that she was eating well. However, he tries to command all the staff of the department and even tell the doctor himself how to work.

Mom was discharged from the hospital. When she was walking down the corridor to be discharged, near the ward she had a seizure, she fell, began to struggle in convulsions. The doctor, having checked the pulse and examined the patient, announced that she was healthy. This is just a simulation, senile selfishness. She needs a specialist, but not a cardiologist.

Deciding not to indulge her mother's senile selfishness anymore, Vera packed her things and moved to live with her husband on the other side of the city. The old woman rarely visited them, but as soon as she appeared, she began to criticize everything and everyone. She called her faithful son only "your son", christened her older children as foundlings, talked about her daughter's new husband only "this one is yours."

They rarely went to visit my grandmother. These trips were not joyful, they always ended in reproaches, lamentations, "heart attacks."

As a result, the old woman lived alone and died alone at the age of 98, on the eve of her only grandson's prom, leaving him with everything that had been saved up for Vera's life.

Fortunately, manifestations of senile selfishness are not so common.

Senile selfishness is normal change

Where is the border between illness and natural age-related changes, dementia and senile selfishness? What should relatives do to determine where the norm is, and where are the deviations? Only a doctor can determine this exactly. In this situation, you need to contact a gerontologist. If there is no such specialist nearby, then a psychiatrist or psychologist can consult. Your job is to monitor the changes that are taking place.

With age, signs of senile selfishness begin to appear even in completely normal people. This happens because a person increasingly feels his helplessness, the impossibility of influencing the world around him, is afraid of loneliness, death, suffers from attention deficit.

Natural changes for older people are:

    Capriciousness;

  • Egocentrism;

    Conservativeness;

    Tendency to moralizing;

    Intractability;

    Narrowing of interests.

These are unpleasant, but absolutely natural changes, they are called by the term "senile egoism". But if you noticed

    Loss of memory;

    Loss of orientation;

    Untidiness;

    Inadequacy.

you need to see a psychiatrist. It will not be possible to completely prevent senile dementia, but experts will help to slow down and stop the progression. And remember, treatment will be more productive in the early stages of the disease.

The opinion of doctors about senile egoism

It turns out that it is wrong and even dangerous to attribute all age-related changes to senile egoism. Like the rest of the body, the human brain is subject to aging. Some of its parts begin to work worse, or even completely atrophy. This leads to senile dementia. Usually, the disease is caused by genetics, and the surrounding conditions can either speed up or slow down the process.

1. Pick's disease... It can manifest itself from the age of fifty. A person develops apathy, lethargy. The ability to generalize and comprehend is lost. Later, the patients lose their life attitudes, become uncritical to themselves.

2 . Alzheimer's disease develops differently. It all starts with progressive memory impairment. At the first stages, a person is aware of this and can adequately assess the situation. In the later stages, the patient ceases to navigate in space, to recognize loved ones, and later himself, seeing a reflection in the mirror. As a result, the disease leads to the complete destruction of the personality.

3. A common disease in the elderly is senile dementia... At first, the disease develops imperceptibly. Moreover, one can observe natural age-related changes, which we have already mentioned above, that is, senile egoism. A person becomes picky, capricious, stingy, stubborn. The speed of mental processes decreases, thinking is impaired. Relatives see changes in the character of an elderly relative, but do not understand that the disease develops in this way, referring this to manifestations of senile egoism. In the meantime, the disease captures all new parts of the brain, the patient ceases to navigate in time and space, a complete disintegration of the personality occurs.

The older an elderly person is, the more he becomes like a child. Previously hidden character traits are manifested, primarily the negative aspects of the personality. Thrift can turn into greed, caution and suspicion turn into paranoia, and flirty female capriciousness - into senile grumpiness.

What to do?

It is necessary to try to distinguish normal from pathological changes.

If you notice such oddities as "disconnecting" your grandmother from the outside world, grandfather's conversations with aliens, if you are accused of events that did not take place, you need the help of a specialist. See a therapist, neurologist, and then a psychiatrist or gerontologist.

In this state, the elderly person has no choice but to live for themselves and try to manipulate their relatives to the maximum. After all, the field of his activity is becoming more and more limited, and his loved ones are always at hand.

You cannot afford to sit on your neck, but it is also impossible to refuse requests and satisfaction of petty whims to old people. It is important at such moments to find a middle ground.

You need to get rid of selfishness

Empathy- one of the ways to get rid of or reduce the manifestations of senile egoism.

We'll have to indulge in whims somewhere, somewhere once again to pity or praise the old man, to cheer him up.

The principle clearly works here: make others happy - you will be happy yourself.

A happy person perceives the world differently. If a happy person is accidentally stepped on his foot on the bus, he will only smile, or will not pay attention to it at all. If a person is unhappy, tired, annoyed, can you imagine what you can hear in response?

So at home: the old man is happy - you are calm too. It is difficult, it does not always work out, but nevertheless, many problems with the manifestation of senile egoism can be avoided in this way.

If you cannot get rid of the tension in the family that has arisen due to senile selfishness, the advice of a psychologist will help and support you. Go for a consultation.

It would be nice to send your grandparents to a specialist, although, most likely, you will be rejected from such a procedure. Be discreet, do not give up after the first resistance.

The psychologist will talk with older people, find out their problems, simply become a vest in which you can cry, laying out your problems, fears, discontent. And then, upon returning home, the relatives will no longer need to fray their nerves.

How to behave with a loved one with a person who has senile selfishness

Living next to an old person is not easy. Due to age-related changes, their nature often becomes simply unbearable. You are torn between home, work, children, parents. But no matter what you do, your parents are not happy. You can't keep up with their requests, decrees, demands. You are annoyed, parents are annoyed. Conflict after conflict arises.

In this situation, no matter how difficult it is, it is important to remember that senile egoism is a natural phenomenon, and old people cannot control the change in their state by an effort of will.

All that remains is to be patient

Try to restrain reproaches; attempts to correct the old person's behavior are unsuccessful. It is better to remain silent and smile in response to his attacks and whims. Do something that makes him happy. Maybe you need to hug him, or maybe treat him to delicious candy or ice cream. You know what your parent loves.

You should not go to the other extreme: indulge in everything and allow everything. Do not give up your own interests for the sake of an elderly relative, he still will not appreciate it.

So, what to do with senile egoism, the advice of a psychologist is as follows:

    Communicate affectionately but firmly.

    Do not indulge the old man, do not allow yourself to be manipulated, but at the same time try to bring him joy.

    Remember that senile egoism is an inevitable age-related change in the character of a loved one, and he cannot change his behavior by a volitional decision.

    For signs of senile dementia, it is dangerous to leave an elderly person alone at home. He can do anything: start a fire, leave the house in an unknown direction and get lost, let in uninvited guests.

    Do not leave a child under the supervision of an old grandmother if she has even minor signs of senile psychosis. Firstly, such people show various deviations. Secondly, the elderly person may be helpless to perform the babysitting function.

    If you cannot provide the old person with proper care, it is worth considering a caregiver. In the later stages of the development of diseases, it is advisable to be treated in a hospital.

How to get along with old people: senile selfishness is not a hindrance

In our society, several generations often live in the same house or apartment at the same time. Relatives often face the problem of how to provide the older generation with a dignified happy old age and at the same time remain sane themselves. Can we avoid manifestations of senile selfishness? How to protect yourself from nervous breakdowns after communicating with representatives of the older generation?

How do you like that letter? My grandmother is 84 years old. She understands everything, reads books and magazines, watches TV, knits rugs and socks. But sometimes it seems to "turn off". Then the grandmother stops performing the most common and necessary actions: washing, combing her hair, going for a walk. She doesn't want anything at all. I have to persuade her to do something. Sometimes the question arises: is it necessary to do this, or to allow her to live the way she wants? They say that in old age people become wise. And I don’t understand when this quality manifests itself. After all, I don't hear anything from my grandmother, except gossip heard from neighboring old women, discussions of programs like “Let them talk” and phone calls asking where I am and what I am doing, 7-10 times a day. And when I am at home, the constant grumbling that I am not doing anything or that I am doing everything wrong is impossible to avoid.

Many families encounter such pictures where old people live with children or grandchildren.

Everyone knows the comparison of old people with children., but we are much more tolerant of the manifestation of selfishness by children than to senile selfishness. This is a historical situation.

    The child is spoiled, capricious, awkward, asking the same thing a hundred times - mother's hope, mother's future. She willingly puts all her vitality into her beloved child.

    The parent, however good he may be, is a passing past.

At the biological level, no matter what we invest in the elderly, it will not lead to anything - there will be no development.

Now the position of old people in society turns out to be very deplorable with their retirement, and this contributes to the development of senile egoism:

    Well-being is deteriorating several times;

    Old people drop out of their usual society, become useless to anyone;

    They have few opportunities to pursue their interests;

    Possibilities of communication are limited.

Everyone can do 5 things:

№ 1 ... Let old age be a mystery, the answer to which you must find.

Try to come to a solution, remembering that senile selfishness is inevitable changes and grandmother cannot influence its manifestation.

Living with your grandparents is not easy. But this is as much a member of your family as others. If you cannot get in touch with the wisdom of the elderly, it is often not their fault, but the fault of the children and grandchildren. But if a person suspects that the older generation has this quality, this is already a big plus.

Old people often convey information not with words, but with their actions. For example, a person who is 84 years old is often naughty and nagging. But he tries to prepare dinner for the arrival of relatives, worries when they are away for a long time. Thus, he expresses his love, but also shows senile selfishness at the same time.

How do we express our love? We are waiting for the manifestation of understanding, we ourselves do not want to understand, we are waiting for the manifestation of love, without giving it ourselves.

An old man, like a child, cannot be deceived. They will be sincere when they feel loved. Love without conditions and expectations. Then senile egoism will manifest itself less brightly and not so often.

№ 2 ... Try to be not a leader, but a partner for your grandparents.

Or maybe it became difficult for her to wash herself or go down the stairs. Then it's worth offering your help.

Maybe the old man is just trying to get your attention because he has become lonely. It is important for an elderly person to feel your love and care.

If the refusal of daily activities is included in the system, then it is worth inviting a specialist and consulting about the health status of an elderly person. Such a dropout from the world can be a signal of a developing disease.

№3. Gently stop tantrums, control inappropriate reactions, behavior.

If your grandmother calls you 10 times a day at work, talk to her a little, and then gently interrupt, saying that you have a lot to do and you cannot talk anymore. And in the evening at home, ask not to call often, explaining that this violates your work schedule. If the person is mentally normal, he will understand you and fulfill the request. Even the notorious senile selfishness will not be a hindrance to understanding.

It is possible that by doing this, the old person shows that he cares and supports you. Or maybe, on the contrary, feeling lonely, he confirms your presence with such communication.

№ 4 ... Decode the negative correctly.

There is a certain critical level in old age. In the period 75-79, people begin to get very sick and often die. After the eightieth birthday, old people become more resilient, they more easily adapt to the surrounding living conditions.

Can you imagine how much vitality they have, because they have gone through so many tests? They simply cannot fail to be wise. Treat old people with love and patience, and then old age selfishness will recede and their life wisdom will appear to you.

And if at that age they still read books or newspapers, watch TV and try to discuss with you the program or the political situation in the country, that's great.

Often, old people are involved in events on the screen, becoming their indirect participants, and then broadcast the negative experience they have experienced on you. The psyche is designed in such a way that the bad is remembered better. By recounting their impressions to you, the elderly are relieved of stress and worries.

Our task is to discern true thoughts behind these seemingly negative actions. And we often do not have enough life experience or patience for this.

Help here classical approach in psychology: if you want to understand another person, put yourself in his place.

A compromise is needed here... Try to listen to grandma's story, but if the conversation has gone round and round, calmly stop her, tell her that you are tired at work and you need to take a break. Senile egoism in this case manifests itself in the capture of your attention. Do not deny the old person this need, but also do not let your time be misused. Living with an old person does not mean living by his rules. Finding a compromise is important not only for you, but also for your grandparents.

№ 5 ... Don't talk about death if the old person is not ready for it.

The question often arises - is it necessary to talk with old people about the death of their friends or loved ones? It is impossible to answer it unequivocally.

Most people over 80 years old are philosophical about death, perceiving it as the next necessary stage. For some, such conversations are fearful. You need to look at the individual reaction of a person. If it is negative, you shouldn't bring up this issue.

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    24-hour care for the elderly by professional nurses (all staff are citizens of the Russian Federation).

    5 meals a day full and dietary food.

    1-2-3-bed accommodation (specialized comfortable beds for recumbents).

    Daily leisure (games, books, crosswords, walks).