How to regain the trust of a man. Questions for introspection. Basic trust and distrust of the world

11.04.2019

“You deceived my trust,” the phrase is similar to a quote from a novel, but how often these banal words break girls' hearts and put an end to the relationship.

A girl who made a mistake suffers from a sense of guilt and toils in search of answers to the question: "How to regain a guy's trust after breaking up?"

If you betrayed your loved one, but regret it, and want to resume the relationship, be prepared for the fact that this will take a long time. Be consistent and patient, and then everything will work out.

Stop;
Close your eyes;
Take a deep breath;
Exhale slowly;
Think: why do you want to return everything?

Is love or guilt pushing you to reconcile with your boyfriend? They say we only value what we lose. But it also happens that this proverb works against ourselves.

Don't kid yourself!

A sentimental female soul, oppressed by remorse, begins to idealize the guy and attribute qualities to him that he never had. Try to calm down the emotional storm and use good judgment.

Put all the pros and cons of your relationship on the shelves without kidding yourself. And if even after such a detailed analysis you realize that the guy is still dear to you and you need it, proceed with the plan "Return of your beloved".

Recover Boyfriend's Trust After Lying: Step by Step Plan

In the first place in the ranking of the reasons for the separation of couples is deception.

Lying is an attempt to hide any information from a loved one.

It doesn't matter if you did it for good or because of fear of losing love, the fact remains: you lied.

Didn't your mother warn you as a child that all the secrets are revealed? You want to go back to never do this terrible thing, but it's too late. Do not despair. The guy's confidence in yourself can be restored, although this process will require patience and endurance from you.

Your first step: leave him alone. Immediately after the conflict and clarification of the relationship, emotions are overwhelming, both for him and for you. In such an atmosphere, it is very difficult to convey your point of view to a person and explain the reasons for your offense. Go to another room, catch your breath, drink some water. You can wash your face and do a couple of breathing exercises.
Second step: put yourself in his place. Yes, this advice is very simple, but try to imagine that it was your loved one who deceived and betrayed you. Feel free to present in paints. Would you be able to forgive him right away and still trust him? Be honest with yourself. Think about what the guy's words and actions would later help you restore trust in the relationship and act accordingly.
Third step: When the passions are over, calmly admit your mistake. Do not be too cold-blooded and arrogant, show that you regret what you did and sincerely repent. But don't go overboard. Save the hand-wringing and wailing scenes for cheap melodramas. Maintain your dignity and do not humiliate yourself in any way. You should talk like adults: calmly and to the point. You do not need to remember all his mistakes to justify your own. First, admit your own guilt.
Forget what he said to you emotionally and listen carefully to what he has to say to you now. Perhaps these words will hold the key to how you should behave in order to regain his trust.
Get ready for a break in a relationship. Understand that if he truly loves you, your lies have caused him real pain. It takes time to forget about it and believe it again. If he offers to pause, do not resist and do not harass him with "random" meetings and endless calls. Try to disappear from his life for a while.
Have patience... A lot, a lot of patience. Wait for his call. The one who loves will surely forgive and return.
There won't be a chance... When you get a second chance, remember that there won't be a third. Be extremely careful and attentive in words and deeds. Cherish your relationship.
Trust... Don't show distrust towards the guy. You shouldn't hack into his social media pages, read his text messages and check his pockets. Don't bother. Down with calls every half hour with the stupid question "Where are you?"

By following this plan, you will be able to return your love and become the best for the guy again.

On a note!
Some psychologists find it easier to regain trust in psychologically and financially independent people.
If you are financially dependent on your boyfriend, he may think that you are talking to him insincerely, just afraid of being left without support.
The man also has a fear that he will be deceived again.

Cheated on a guy how to regain trust and is it possible?

Cheating is the most vile betrayal of all that a loved one can commit.

By cheating, you let the guy know that you've found someone better than him, thereby lowering his self-esteem below the baseboard.

The cheated person may feel shock and anger, it is difficult for him to accept what happened.

What to do - cheated on a guy, how to regain trust?

Do not go under the hot hand... A person who finds out about treason is capable of terrible things in a state of passion. Disappear. Let him accept the situation and make his own decisions about what to do next.
After waiting time, try to talk frankly... Explain the reasons for your action. Whether it was an innocent flirtation, a kiss, or a real betrayal, it doesn't matter. He must understand why this happened, otherwise, even if you restore the relationship, conflicts cannot be avoided.
Don't rush things... Give him enough time and freedom to decide for himself whether he can be with you and trust you.
Don't get hysterical... Don't fall on your knees and beg him to stay. Do not blackmail him with possible suicide or imaginary pregnancy. Maybe he will pity you and stay, but do you need this pity? And cheating with pregnancy will certainly end your relationship forever.
Forgive yourself... It is very important. Even if you can't regain the guy's trust after cheating, you must let go of this situation. Talk to a close friend or a counselor, and give yourself the opportunity to cry. Accept that you can't fix what you've done. Live on, taking precious experience out of this situation.
If you're together again, appreciate your loved one.... Never give him a reason to even think that you might betray him again. Trust him yourself and do not remember this incident.

It doesn't matter what exactly prompted you to cheat, and you shouldn't talk about how bad it is. If you still care about your boyfriend, try to follow these tips to get him back.

After parting

You have tried everything you can, but you have not succeeded in returning your loved one.

Grief overwhelms you, and you do not know how to live on?

Although now you find it difficult to believe it, know that everything will be fine.

Sooner or later, you will forget him and find a new love, but for now, try the following tips.

Do not close in my loneliness and in my apartment. Go to your friend, have a heart-to-heart talk. Try to cry, more often after that it really becomes easier. Getting over a breakup will be easier if you are not alone.
Pamper yourself... For example, sweet. But you do not need to seize stress with kilograms of cakes and sweets. You risk becoming a fat, depressed woman. According to the law of meanness, it is in this form that your ex will meet you. And he will be glad that you parted.
Remember your mistakes... And never step on the same rake again. Do not lie, betray the trust of a loved one, and do not cheat.
Change your life... Renew your wardrobe, change your hairstyle and makeup, if possible, change your home. In the old place, you will constantly remember the moments associated with your love, looking at the dress, remember what it was in it when the guy first kissed you. This will inevitably plunge you into a new abyss of sadness. Leave in the past both the guy and everything that reminds of him.
Take care of yourself... Sign up for fitness or aerobics. In addition to the fact that your body will become slim and attractive, you will while away the evenings not in front of the TV, but in the gym. By the way, there is a good chance of meeting a new boyfriend there.
Do not hurry make new acquaintances. Believe me, such a relationship will not bring you satisfaction, but only open up barely healed wounds.

If your relationship is cracked because you cheated on or cheated on your boyfriend, how can you regain trust in your relationship with your boyfriend? Don't forget that everything is still possible.

Everything passes and this will pass!

You will need all your endurance and willpower, a lot of patience and time, which is known to heal. But do not forget that your loved one has the right to say goodbye to you.

Understand that life does not end when a loved one leaves. Yes, now you are hurt and hurt, you only blame yourself for everything and think that you do not deserve happiness, but this is not so. Very soon, the pain will pass, and you will definitely meet a new love.

You can find additional information on this topic in the section.

In the article you will learn:

How to restore trust in a relationship

Hello everyone! Mistrust is a sword that will destroy any family happiness! Therefore, I propose to sheath it and discuss, how to restore trust in a relationshipwhat to do for this and what not to do.

Compliance with obligations

In general, what is trust? Remember the Hedgehog in the Fog?

I must, do you hear? I will, - said the Bear. The hedgehog nodded. - I will definitely come to you, no matter what happens. I will always be near you. The Hedgehog looked at the Bear with quiet eyes and was silent. - Well, what are you silent? - I believe, - said the Hedgehog.

So, trust is confidence in your partner, lack of doubt in his feelings, constancy in maintaining a relationship. If a there was a trusting atmosphere in the parents' family, with self-esteem everything is in order and the couple does not succumb to the bad influence of the environment, then I am calm for them. Such a union everything will be fine, unlike those couples in which people never trusted each other. But, unfortunately, the ability to trust a particular person is a fickle constant.

Why do we stop trusting

Mutual trust is a very fragile, tender, requiring frugality, property of interaction between two people, which can change for the worse or be lost altogether for many reasons:

Also, the ability to believe in a person is often lost in the bustle of everyday life and sometimes these moments pass unconsciously for us. For example, we confess our love, but ourselves in some situation neglected husband or a loved one... And they even forgot to explain. They promised to do something, and then skillfully "pulled out" from the promised. They did not attach importance to the important, did not take into account, were indifferent. These are typical mistakes that we often make. Therefore, as you can see, we humans break everything ourselves. So, we should build!

Mutual striving

First rule: two must trust each other... A very common mistake is that one pleads guilty, seeks forgiveness and expects leniency. The other, being in the role of "judge" and "observer", does nothing, or encourages: "try harder!" And sometimes he doesn't want to communicate at all.

After all, to forgive does not mean to be confident in a partner now and then, in the future. And vice versa, you can keep an old grudge, but know that in the future a loved one will not allow this anymore, because he loves and appreciates. therefore trust can only be restored if it is a two-way traffic, as in any human relationship.

Moreover, such strong emotions as guilt, anger, resentment, feeling of sinfulness,they are destructive and supremely harmful to any union... And even nominal forgiveness will not bring saving energy and inspiration. Consequently, such a partnership will sooner or later fall apart.

Honest communication

Therefore, the second rule, sincerity and openness... When the “judge” does not punish, and also does not hide his suffering and worries to another. After all trust cannot be restored or earned.

Feel the difference: they are re-created by two souls open to each other, when hearts have nothing to hide. And this is a truly wonderful process. If partners can comprehend it, they will become even stronger than before.

To be sincere you need talk to a person as you would to yourself. If these or those thoughts and emotions break through from the depths of the soul, there is no need to cover them up and pretend.

That's it, trust in a relationship!

Remember how we were spontaneous in childhood: we did not think about how, why and what we say, even if we were pulled back by adults. But now we are also aware of our emotions and needs, so now is the time to be a child.

Reaching agreements

But sincerity alone is not enough, so the third rule is willingness to change, to hear your boyfriend, make sure they hear you. That is, do not try to adjust each other for yourself, but find opportunities to change something in yourself. Thus, reach agreements and solutions that satisfy both.

Unfortunately, this is one of the most difficult stages, because pride, a sense of self-righteousness interfere with meeting another, especially if he was caught in a lie, in treason, in inappropriate behavior, etc. And everything will become like in the film:

Do you believe me? - In theory!

A fight is for a fool, for a smart one is victory

Spiritual exercises are helpful in learning to compromise and trust in practice. They pacify the ego and nurture the spirit. An ideal situation if you develop spiritually together - attend seminars, courses or practice at home.

There are main types of techniques:

There are many such practices. Each person has his own, once forgotten or actively used. For instance, prayer in the temple, rituals, trips to places of power, reading special books or watching films about the development of the spirit (read my article "Films about self-development and self-improvement"). There is also a technique of affirmations, repeated phrases, which I will talk about shortly.

To summarize, then, as we can see, there are three fundamental rules, without which it is impossible to restore trust: re-learn together, speak frankly and negotiate. And the most consoling thing about this is that much is in our power and in our hands! Therefore, dare, love and trust each other!

I hope my article was useful to you. If so, share with your friends!

I would also appreciate your comments.

Love, June. Bye everyone!

P.S .: don't forget to subscribe!

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Ideal relationships, like ideal people, do not exist. 23% of men and 19% of women admitted to cheating on their partners. But other data is of greater interest. Of those couples who turn to a psychologist for help after cheating, 70% stay together. In this article, we'll show you how to work on a relationship to regain your partner's trust.

website collected advice that psychologists most often give to couples who have survived betrayal and decided to keep the relationship, no matter what. Both men and women cheat, so the advice will be helpful for both partners in a couple.

1. Don't try to reduce the pain caused by the act.

It is very important for a deceived person to know how everything really happened. When you are sincerely trying to answer questions, you may or may not be deliberately withholding some details or limiting yourself to general answers. And at the same time, you will consider that you have not lied.

Your partner will feel like they are hiding something from him. And some details will emerge over time, and this will turn the life of the one who was deceived into a nightmare. Bit by bit, collecting everything that happened, he will constantly keep in his head a picture of a terrible betrayal, and his life will turn into hell.

But avoiding talking about what happened is not the best solution. There is no need to hide or understate something. To get through this difficult stage, you need to experience the worst and feel the pain, otherwise healing will not come. Do not try to minimize suffering, because the best medicine in this case is time.

2. Speak the whole truth and even a little more

Trust in a relationship is very fragile. If you've been caught in a lie once, the best strategy is to tell your loved one the whole truth.

Practicing psychologist Robert Weiss notes that trust can only be restored by making full transparency a mandatory part of your relationship. And this applies even to little things. If you are going to a bar with a friend, tell your significant other. There is no need to come up with more "harmless" locations in which you are supposedly located.

3. Don't go on the attack

It will not be easy for someone who wants to earn trust. Listening to negative remarks and comments in his address will become his daily reality at the beginning of the journey, and this must be experienced by both partners.

Don't go on the attack. When you say, "You yourself are not an angel either," you are trying to justify yourself, and this is a normal psychological defense reaction. But think about what it can give you. The anger of your loved one is understandable. Do not say unpleasant things to him in return if the goal is to maintain the relationship, not destroy it.

4. Give up the roles of defendant and prosecutor

When the worst - admission of deception - is over, the most difficult stage begins. If you decide to stay together, you should not play the roles of the defendant and the prosecutor. This behavior does not build trust; it produces the exact opposite result.

The "Prosecutor" will try to take out his anger, and he will come up with new and new quests and tasks for the one who has lost his trust. The "defendant" will try to get an indulgence, and he, too, will accumulate anger as the attempts end in nothing.

The best solution in this case is to remain calm and directly tell your partner that you are ready to atone for guilt, but constant reproaches and mentions of it will not help in this.

5. Don't suck other people in

The decision to stay together after the betrayal was made by both of you, and the responsibility for this lies only with you two. That is why you should not involve other people in the process of sorting out the relationship, be it friends, relatives or your own children.

This also applies to the one who committed the betrayal, and the one who decided to find the strength to forgive him. Conversations about what happened should be conducted only in pairs, without outside interference, condemnation and sympathy. Psychotherapist Joe Court is sure that the only person who can be the third in such conversations is a family psychologist.

6. Give your partner more access

Let your partner go into completely personal corners: social networks, SMS on the phone, calls.If you decide to be honest, then you still have nothing to hide. Such a step will help your partner calm down, trust you more.

Over time, the deceived person will understand that constant checks are not needed. And when trust in a couple is restored, they will stop.

7. Take symbolic actions

Dr. Jim Walkop, a New York-based marriage counselor, advises his clients who come to him with a desire to survive betrayal or any other betrayal to take symbolic actions. It could be something that gave you both joy when you first started dating and were happy.

You can go to the cinema for the last show, or go for a walk in the park, feed the swans on the pond. During such classes, you need to refrain from accusations and not remember what happened. This will help you build more positive memories together.

For fans of extreme sports, there are other options: go on a trip, move to another city or country. This is also a strong emotional shake-up, which both should perceive as a starting point from which the relationship begins anew.

8. Don't expect instant forgiveness.

Do not expect forgiveness to come instantly, and you do not need to put pressure on your partner. It is unlikely that this will lead to something other than new outbursts of negativity. The best thing to do is to start listening to your partner's feelings and needs. The pain that he feels is very strong, it simply cannot stop in a moment. This is normal.

Deciding to save the relationship after the betrayal, both in a couple must be prepared for the fact that everything will not be the same and at first it will be very difficult. Still, the statistics showing that 70% of couples stay together after family therapy is encouraging.

Have you ever faced betrayal in a relationship and have you been able to restore trust with your loved one? Share in the comments.

Trust is a fundamental part of a strong relationship. As a rule, without it, even love and mutual respect are not able to withstand serious trials. In most cases, trust is lost due to the infidelity (betrayal) of one of the partners. Also, an important aspect is constant lies, unfulfilled promises, excessive secrecy, insecurity. To regain the trust of a loved one, you need to act immediately. Let's consider the important aspects in order and give practical recommendations.

Step # 1. Think

Before taking any drastic action, sit down and consider whether you are ready to do your best to regain trust. It is important to understand that this work will not last a week or even a month, you will spend the rest of your life in constant obedience and connectedness. Most people cheat out of dislike because they consider their partner unworthy.

You will have to give up lying forever, even for trifles, which is unrealistic in itself. Scientists have proven more than once that a person cheats at least 5-7 times a day. Think about whether your partner is worthy of such efforts?

In cases where you are connected only by a stamp in your passport, you should not torture yourself or him. Try to end the relationship peacefully without throwing mud at each other. If a man is your world, unlimited love, a loved one, feel free to start gaining trust.

Step # 2. Become aware of what is happening

After much deliberation, it is time to realize what is happening. At this stage, it is important to understand that the old life no longer exists. The betrayal became fatal for both the guilty party and the victim. The satellite will not be able to perceive further words and actions without a doubt, you will spend time and effort to prove the opposite.

This step is needed to realize that you will have to conduct dialogues regarding what is happening. For example, if you are late at work, be sure to inform your partner about the situation. However, you can ask him to pick you up at the end of the service to build trust.

Step # 3. Don't blame yourself

When the guilty party sees the pain that has caused a loved one, she unknowingly begins to engage in self-flagellation. Don't be like people like that. Of course, the feeling of guilt is now eating up from the inside, but do not follow his lead. Surely the partner despises you, looks askance and lets go of caustic comments, do not react.

Understand that you will not be able to get rid of the constant feeling of guilt for many years to come. However, this does not mean at all that you need to deliberately enter yourself into such a state. When, once again, the realization of the possible loss of a loved one catches by surprise, act immediately.

Tune in to a positive wave, trust that you can achieve his location. Drive it into your head, you are not a bad person, everyone has the right to make mistakes. Of course, you don’t need to act like you’re innocent. But you shouldn't lose your mind either, leave your strength to correct the situation.

Step # 4. Don't beg for forgiveness

The first reaction of a woman when a man finds out about cheating is, of course, a plea for forgiveness. Beautiful ladies do this step intuitively, falling at the feet of the faithful. Don't do that. First, you will pity and humiliate yourself even more by pushing your partner away. Secondly, even such a radical step will not overshadow what has been done.

A man who finds out about the infidelity of his beloved immediately begins to feel disgust. All day he scrolls in his head how this could have happened. Hence, doubts arise regarding the girl's sincerity, and all the humiliating actions on her part seem theatrically feigned.

Try to inspire respect in the man, keep your dignity. Don't cry, admit your mistake, and tell them in a low voice that you're sorry. If your companion is not very hostile, ask for a chance to prove your love with further actions.

Step # 5. Don't throw tantrums

It is known that the best defense is offense, but in this situation, such a saying is inappropriate. Most girls act drastically after being convicted of infidelity. They are trying in every possible way to prove their case, blaming the man for everything. Either he did not pay enough attention, then he did not have sex with her. It is important to understand that you are to blame for treason. Nobody asked me to jump into bed with another man.

Do not throw tantrums, in fact, now you have no right to them. The satellite is already offended and humiliated by your actions, do not aggravate the situation. If this advice is neglected, the partner may draw erroneous conclusions regarding moral status. Thoughts will creep into his head that the lady is capable of another betrayal, since she considers such actions to be natural. Perhaps two are to blame for what happened (if the betrayal was revenge), but at this step you should not start such a conversation. Wait for the storm to subside.

Step 6. Do not fall for provocations

A man's first reaction to a woman's betrayal is rage. An angry partner rushes from corner to corner, provoking a companion to a nervous breakdown. He wants to know in detail how, where, when and with whom the oversight occurred. In no case do not try to make amends by talking about the infidelity in detail. You complicate the situation, the man will never forget it. It is enough to describe the betrayal in a nutshell, and then never return to such a conversation.

Girls who follow the lead in such cases expose the relationship to inevitable death. Even if, after a long period of time, the partner forgives you, he will not miss the moment to mention the previous infidelity. During lovemaking, a man may well imagine you with another, and then isolate himself, get irritated, push away from himself.

Step 7. Make amends with Action

Everyone loves attention, be it a woman or a man. Society has established a tradition that the stronger sex should take care of the weaker, nothing else. However, in your situation, such comments are inappropriate, you have to smooth over the betrayal with beautiful deeds.

Of course, one good gesture will not correct the deed, so there should be many. Get in the habit of meeting a man from work with a delicious dinner, cleanliness in the house and a romantic mood. Put on a pretty dress, do your makeup, play neutral music.

The same applies to waking up in the morning: bring breakfast in bed (coffee with croissants, pancakes, rolls, etc.). Let the man accept your courtship, do not beg for a response. Conduct casual conversations or be silent at all, do not start conversations about what happened.

You can also buy two tickets to the cinema or football, inviting a companion to spend time together. This step is necessary in order to create the basis for a future serious conversation.

Step number 8. Don't involve outsiders

It is not uncommon for a girl to involve girlfriends, boyfriends of a man or parents of both parties in the conflict that has occurred. Do not be like such young ladies, do not put a quarrel on public display. If you turn your acquaintances or relatives against a man, they will begin to put pressure. The partner, in turn, will blame you, get angry, and leave the house.

Intervention by third parties will lead to a final breakup, even more disagreement and mistrust. You will lose control over the situation, because it is impossible to say for sure what a man will learn from outsiders and what conclusions he will draw. It is quite possible that they will not be in your favor. At the same time, gossip about treason will fly around the area, people will whisper behind their backs, questioning the sincerity of your couple.

Step number 9. Do not remember past grievances

Don't try to cover up what you did with your partner's past missteps. The advice is especially relevant in cases where a man was previously convicted of infidelity, but the fact of betrayal was unproven.

Do not try to "translate the arrows", learn to be responsible for the actions you have taken. Occasionally start talking about your regrets. A man should feel the sincerity of intentions, a woman should learn a lesson.

In cases where you have joint children, do not try to blackmail your partner with them. Firstly, you will hurt the younger family members, and secondly, you will give the man a chance to retaliate. He will think that the woman has become insolent, throwing the blame on others and implicating children in the situation.

Step 10. Don't ask for understanding

When the man has cooled down enough to start discussing what happened, sit down at the negotiating table. Try to be as clear as possible about regret, love, and disappointment in yourself. Give your companion the opportunity to understand that cheating has brought nothing but emptiness in the soul. Talk about lack of attention and, as a result, temporary clouding of mind.

Do not demand understanding and forgiveness, ask for the thoughts of a loved one on this matter. Try to create a conversation in which your partner will open up and tell you how much he is hurting. You need to throw out the sadness, resentment and incredible grief that has settled in the soul of your partner. Let the faithful understand that you will never do such things again.

Cheating is the first, but not the only reason for losing the trust of a loved one. If a partner stops trusting because of unfulfilled promises, there is only one way out - stop giving false hopes. Do not reassure the companion in anything with words, try to show the seriousness of intentions by actions. Remember exactly what you promised. After that, sketch out a rough plan and start correcting the situation. From now on, do not throw words to the wind, carefully follow each phrase uttered.
Sometimes mistrust arises due to hypertrophied jealousy of one of the partners. If a man belongs to this type of people, it is difficult enough not only to gain trust, but to get it a priori. The way out of the situation will be the refusal or a significant reduction in communication with people of the opposite sex (friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc.). At the same time, constantly inform the companion where and with whom you are, what you are doing, what time you will return home.

It is extremely difficult to regain the trust of a loved one if it is lost due to betrayal. Try not to lie even on trifles, don't beg for forgiveness, don't get down on your knees. Give your partner an opportunity to think, do not talk about what happened in detail. Take care of a man every day, cook delicious meals, buy movie or football tickets.

Four important steps. How to restore trust in a relationship?

Hello dear blog site readers! Marriage and relationships between husband and wife - that's what we'll talk about today. All families go through an unpleasant period of crises. These crises occur in the path of any family, without exception. The most common road you walk on is not always smooth.

It has potholes and bumps, muddy puddles, or cracked earth around the edges. If you are prepared for the fact that a bad section on this road is sure to meet, for example, around a bend, it will already be easier for you.

This also happens in family life. It is foolish to imagine that nothing bad will ever happen between you and your loved one.

Harmony in the family can be violated due to the accumulated mutual grievances, due to financial issues and various everyday problems.

Some families break up, and both people who once loved each other go through life alone, and then find new partners for themselves. Because they could not overcome the serious period of the crisis.

But again, after a while, they fall into the pit that arises in the relationship.

So what can you do? Run away from problems again and step on the same rake?

Flight is the easiest way to resolve a conflict. But life does not forgive anything, no matter how much you run after happiness, you will not catch up with it. You need to learn to be a happy person today, not tomorrow or in a year. It may not come tomorrow at all.

You can't think about the past, sorting through the moments when you felt so good and calm.

The past cannot be returned, especially since a person's memory is so arranged that it slips in only the good, and for some reason forgets the bad.

When tensions arise between spouses, they should not be hushed up. Learn to talk to each other, and do it right, and not in a raised voice, making claims and criticizing your spouse.

When a conflict has arisen, it is necessary to get out of it correctly. And for starters, just talk.

The first conversation you have is very important. You can read about this in the article "How to get out of the pit in a relationship."

Do not forget that it is the woman who creates the psychological climate in the family, therefore, before talking to her husband and “fixing the showdown,” she must understand herself and prepare well for such a conversation.

The main thing is to melt the first ice between you, because when the relationship cools, an invisible wall appears. She separates the spouses and gradually deprives them of mental and emotional closeness. Therefore, you will have to learn to trust each other again, to start all over again. But this is good, albeit difficult.

The stereotypes that you have formed will have to be taken and broken, then the invisible wall will fall to pieces, and you will again see your loved one the way you understood and perceived him during a romantic relationship.

After the first conversation, you will have to conduct another one, and then you will need to talk again.

Why do all this if it is easier to express all claims at one time and forget about the troubles?

The point is in the psychology of relationships. For example, a man quickly forgets everything. And a woman cannot forget, she will twist in her head, ponder, remembering the moment when her husband offended her when he said something unpleasant or criticized her ability to cook or dress.

Every woman wants to be beautiful, otherwise life is not interesting for her. And if her husband foolishly told her five years ago that she was no longer as good as she was before the wedding, that she had grown fat and ugly, the wife would never forget this statement.

And the resentment against your man will remain somewhere deep in the heart. Delicate and sensitive creatures, these women, what can you do!

The husband has long forgotten what he did, and his wife no, no, and she will remember how he spoke about her and cry. And after that, she begins to form a completely different attitude towards her husband, which he does not even know about. And this is the simplest example.

And if the husband was noticed in some unseemly act, after which the wife's suspicions remained?

Thoughts spinning in a woman's head are different, sometimes they rush at the speed of a hurricane, as a result of which emotions overwhelm her and do not allow her to think reasonably. But she can only tell her friends about her thoughts.

And the husband does not understand why they stopped telling him that he was loved, and no longer rejoice when he returns home after work.

A man realizes that no one needs him, they just do not love him.

This is because he perceives love in a completely different way than a woman does.

Now imagine that these two people, who adored each other before the wedding, have accumulated all these grievances and are silent. Not a month or even a year, but several years. The woman tries to defend herself, builds a psychological wall around herself, turning into an ice statue. And her heart becomes stone in relation to the person who offends her.

The husband also fenced himself off from his wife, because heat no longer emanates from her, and withdraws into himself. He covers himself as if with huge boulders, builds a kind of cave (psychological, of course).

As a result, two people live side by side on the same living space, lonely and close at the same time.

If they have already realized that they have fallen into a deep hole, that it is imperative to get out of there and do it together, then they will sit down and talk heart to heart. This conversation will be completely different from the conversations they have had lately. There will be no tense looks, sharp words and harsh tone.

It is very good if both of you can sit next to each other, look into each other's eyes, and hold hands. This is only the first, difficult, but very important step on the path to love. For this wonderful feeling, people do incredible things.

Some time should pass after the first conversation. You will need to think over and weigh everything. Love will definitely come back if you both want it. If one wants to return to the old relationship, and the other does not, then you are unlikely to be able to keep the family.

If your relationship has soured due to quarrels over trifles, constant conflicts and various problems, begin to restore your relationship.

Get ready for the next conversation. After a heart-to-heart conversation, all resentments will begin to surface in your memory. Nothing wrong with that, just write them down on a piece of paper. Remember something else, write it down again.

So it will be necessary to do both the husband and the wife separately. And then, when both of you are ready, sit down next to you and start expressing these grievances. In a calm tone, without pretensions and offensive words, of course.

And this will be the second step that you have to take.

All the unpleasant moments that happened during your family life, you diligently hid in your memory, just like hiding things in the closets. These facts, which once upset you, lie and gather dust on the shelves in the closet of your memory.

If only you could have pulled them out earlier, at the very moment when they offended you ... Well, why keep them so carefully? They could be thrown into the trash heap and forgotten at once. Otherwise, you didn’t, and you kept everything in your memory.

Both the wife and the husband accumulate grievances. Therefore, you will have to listen to each other together and figure everything out.

Women are naturally inclined to be patient and silent. Not always, of course, and not everyone will express their claims, it already depends on your character. For example, a sanguine person and a choleric person will explode immediately and start shouting hurtful words or crying loudly. But the melancholic and phlegmatic will fill their mouths with water and say nothing, so as not to provoke conflicts in the relationship.

How to react if you did not even suspect that you once inflicted an offense on your loved one with your words or actions?

Of course, excuse me, you can't live without it. And then you can forget about everything and not remember.

The list of mutual claims will definitely help you to improve relations and overcome the crisis. What is this list? This is a list of qualities and actions, it must be written separately from each other.

And this is the third step on the path of your happiness.

The husband should retire and write on paper what he likes about his wife and what categorically does not. There are moments that are not just important for him, but simply necessary. But the wife does not even suspect about it, and the husband is afraid to say about it.

This is due to a different understanding of the manifestation of love.

As an example, the following can be given. When a husband comes home from work, his wife is constantly in the kitchen, which is understandable. She doesn't even have a minute to sit next to her husband. A huge amount of work falls on her head in the evening, and she does not know how to redo them all.

And the husband wants his wife to just sit next to him. I gave him time, at least five minutes, and he will be happy with it.

A wife may dream for years to be hugged by her husband as he did before the wedding. Because the feeling of closeness, warmth and trust arises precisely from such moments. She does not receive warmth, and thinks that her husband has lost interest in her. Although this does not even occur to him, he simply does not know about it.

When each of the spouses has written their wishes on paper, it is time to discuss all this. At this moment, amazing discoveries can await you, on the one hand pleasant, but on the other not very much.

This is the fourth step that you will take towards each other.

The wife does not even suspect what the husband may not like, but he could not even think that some trifle is so important for the wife. For example, words of gratitude for her everyday work in the kitchen. For some reason, men think that housework is fun, and not a hard and tedious duty that no one will pay for, as it happens at work.

Sometimes family relationships have become so bad that even despite such a heart-to-heart conversation, the spouses then have nothing to talk about. Sudden discoveries seem to fetter them, there is no naturalness, tension arises. In addition, everyone ponders what he has learned about himself, and at the same time is very worried.

In this case, you need to find one topic that is close to both. Children, vacation, parents - at least talk about this, but do not play silent.

Women are very sensitive. If emotions overwhelm you, begin to understand yourself. It is best to write down what worries you, and then work with your husband to figure out how to deal with it.

Negative thoughts can rob you of your joy in life, and a woman will begin to think that the only way out of this situation is to find another man.

Take your time with this, if you have at least a spark of love for your spouse, start thinking about the good, not the bad, development of events.

We must learn to do everything together, as it was before. For example, walking in the fresh air or going on vacation.

A woman often begins to consult with her friends, which is not always correct. Because these friends may have different goals, giving advice based on their own experiences. And these goals will not always be directed to your benefit.

In the next article, read about hints and guesses.