The husband fell in love with another after 13 joint marriages. Husband fell in love with another woman
We lived 22 years with my wife, we have 2 sons, 21 and 20 years old. In recent years, I began to cool off towards my wife, but at the same time, all domestic relations remained at the old level, I do everything around the house and do not refuse anything or anything. I spend everything I earn with pleasure and without a shadow of regret on my wife and home. the elder has been working and dressing himself for three years already, everything that is done around the house is already ours: paying for an apartment, repairs, food, car maintenance, etc. the other day he bought himself a used car on credit. the youngest came from the army two months ago and is trying to get a job in the Ministry of Justice, while we also pay for this: travel to another city, medical examinations, and so on. two years ago I met a girl, got acquainted, first conversations on various topics (not vulgar), then sympathy and feelings. started dating, or rather, I came to work in another area where this girl lives and works, and at every opportunity I came to her. from the place of my work she lived about 130 km, she used to come for several hours to be together. at home, I said that I had another woman (she is 37 years old, I am 43 years old) and it started ... to the honor of my wife (40 years old) there were no scandals, but when I tried to leave, pressure from my wife and mother began (dad died 6 years ago ), you betrayed the children, you abandoned them, you did not provide them with anything, did not marry them, etc., the constant question "how much can you help them?" at the same time he says that we will not take anything from you. talked to the guys while I'm at work, and all in one voice, we will not communicate with you. During a conversation with my wife, I said that I was transferring an apartment and a car to her, and I myself was leaving with my things. that girl like me is just as selfless, she says: (without any thought) "come yourself, we will gradually buy everything else, even come naked." She is divorced and has a 14 year old son. at home they tell me that I am selfish and think only of myself, although the children already have their own lives and I also do not refuse help, they will refuse my help and communication with me. that girl loves me and not just in words, what is happening on my part in relation to her. I tried to leave home, but the fool returned, my mother called in tears, with threats and curses, it was also from my wife, the eldest son called and asked to return. my pity and I returned, while hurting the girl Elena). we didn’t communicate for a long time, now we started talking again and I have to go to live and live with her. I really love her and without her it is empty and nothing is needed. so you live, or rather you live, but the children are dear to me. I do not know how to overcome this barrier of care.
Psychologists Answers
Your choice.
It's always hard to leave behind - loved ones and relatives ...
I don't know, you may have a passion that will pass...
And maybe. and no...
To ease your worries?
Removed the feeling of guilt ...?
Everything is yours.
Fully....
And if later you realize that everything was in vain - it's also yours.
And you will have to pay.
Now everyone is paying...
There is no other...
(I don't know anyway...)
God is your judge...
G. Idrisov.
Good answer 0 bad answer 2Hello Gennady! A classic "empty nest" family crisis. Of course, not in a short time the family comes to him. You write that lately (years) have cooled off towards your wife. The normal state for this period, in fact, everyone comes to it. But what's next? If a person understands that this is a certain milestone that just needs to be overcome in order to grow up, to move further along the path of life with a light heart, then everything becomes in order. The joy of overcoming, the fullness of life, the ability to see one’s continuation in grandchildren is a fruitful period life of all people-makes them fully happy.
Your choice is to collapse, ignore, start over with other characters. The exit is found! But so only it seems. Now you see the solution to problems through Elena, and this is true. The problems will go away until the next time. But they will already be doubly difficult to solve, because. the age will not be the same and the burden of the past will remain a heavy burden.
You may not be able to even think about it now. And this is also normal for your condition. Perhaps in the next family you will not repeat your mistakes and gain experience that will allow you to pass the next test with dignity. Everything happens. But you must know this. Be prepared for this too. In order not to blindly, in order to see.
It is also advisable for you to remind (since you are married) that a woman's behavior changes dramatically after she has got her prey, i.e. became the "owner of the man in the house." And this, unfortunately, is the norm. You just need to be flexible and adapt to changing circumstances. Just to be wiser.
Sincerely!
Good answer 1 bad answer 2Husband loves another. Do you need to get divorced? Councils and recommendations of psychologist.
Got married…. I thought marriage was perfect. Not everything turned out as smoothly as you thought! Anything happens... Your spouse gave his heart to another woman. You, helplessly, with all your strength, shout: “I won’t give it back” .... Late! And it's not your fault at all that this is how it all happened.
What should I do? The husband fell in love with another woman.
Don't blame the man for falling out of love with you. A hackneyed, but very true expression: "You can't command your heart." This expression is not a medicine, and not a "lifeline". It simply reflects the clear meaning of harsh reality. Do you think: I read it and reconciled? This is cowardice! Be bolder if you want to try to change something in a "winning" direction. The question "what to do?" conquers your brain. Need to act!
And the steps are pretty simple:
Act one- talk. And serious, detailed, and not so gentle and affectionate, creating the illusion that nothing happened. Construct the conversation in such a way that it does not “float” beyond the framework of politeness and tact. Do not allow scandalous tones, obscene expressions, insults and reproaches. Let yourself do something like this - the conversation is "aim" for failure and failure.
Action two- smart trick. With the help of such a “weapon”, try to find out from him, carefully, what attracted your husband to another woman, why he has cooled off towards you. Avoid, in questions, rudeness and excessive perseverance! This is a hindrance to your further frank conversation.
Act Three- an attempt to become better than you are now. No one doubted and does not doubt that you are the best. But even ideality, sometimes, should be given at least a little “adjustment”. You can imagine that this step is a kind of decoration of your personality and your inner world.
Your little eyes lit up with sparks of joy .... Eyelashes become more magnificent from the taste of born hope .... Don't lose it until the last second! Fight. Even if it seems to you that hope has completely died, resurrect it with an explosion of optimism. Options of action did not help, hope died - do not let optimism and the meaning of life die. They are your best friends in the moment of "amorous difficulties". What can they advise you? Much. It is quite possible that you will not like this “much” at all. But advice is advice: you can listen to it, but not do what it tells you to do. This is what “breathes” all the charm of any advice.
WITH advice first! Let go. Even if you don't forgive, let go. You know…. Men are, at times, "boats" that are eager to set sail.
WITH tip two! Abstract. Ways of abstraction - billions of millions. The figure is exaggerated, but the emotions in it are over the edge. Let's go through the ways to "calm down", a little bit, emotions. You can, for example, unwind with friends, go to a club. The effect is short-lived, but noticeable. Cinema, theater "to visit". Take with you those people who share your "passion" for this kind of art. Music - an option - what you need! But listen to music that “does not inspire” melancholy and sadness. Take a ride, extreme, with a breeze, on a bicycle, on rides, on a motorcycle. Actually, it doesn't matter what it is. Your main goal is to leave, for about thirty minutes, in the "adrenaline world".
WITH third tip! Erase the traitor! File for divorce. It's hard, mentally, but... If you don't take that step, you'll hurt yourself even more. "Erasing" your man from memory will be incredibly slow, almost "immobile". But you will pass this test. This will help you live a brighter future, not the suffering from the past.
WITH tip four! Do not arrange any sort of showdown with the one to whom your betrothed has “gifted” the heart. You will not change anything, for the better, with these tricks. You don't want to be hated by the one you love.... Don't provoke hatred.
WITH tip five! Find all the most-most "malicious" flaws in your husband, who is now "enemy number one." Imagine that flaws are a coloring book from your distant childhood. And “color” them in a way that is useful to you, that is, in a light that is favorable to you. If earlier, before the occurrence of such a situation, you considered him a little selfish - “repaint” this shortcoming into super selfishness. Work through, in this way, all of his “imperfections” that you managed to notice during communication, acquaintance, relationships and living with him.
Bouquet of tips wilted? Have you decided that none of them suits you at all? Love another! Deal with the "traitor" as he did with you. If you can do this, you will drop the heavy load of your own torment. Just don't give up right away. Check the option, and do not insist, insistently, that you should not try, because nothing will come of it. You are the laboratory of your destiny. Start experimenting!
Pain will creep into your soul - shake it off in your diary, in your blog, on a piece of paper, in a notebook, in a notebook. The choice is yours. Write whatever you think, whatever you feel. If you want, tear what is written to shreds. Then glue it if you realize that you did it by mistake. Paper does not know what pain is. You will give her secret lines - in return, she will help you escape from the intensification of depression, or any other unpleasant condition. By the way, if one of the states comes up, scare it away, or ignore it. Be a hundred times stronger than the state that torments and depresses you.
If you “turn off” the concentration on your grief, you will understand and realize that you are not the only one on planet Earth. And those others live with a problem that is analogous to yours. Note: live! Continue to live. What prevents you from following their wonderful and correct example? Love unrelenting? Well, so it is for all those who are experiencing the same thing as you. Wanting everything back? Desire, unfortunately, may not always coincide with the possibilities.
M a man is not the “subject” that you should allow to “kill” your personality! Stay and be yourself. If a loved one is gone, another love is waiting for you ahead...
Continuation. . .
The husband fell in love with another. -
Love... How many sonnets have been written about it, how many songs have been composed, how many films, books and other works of art have been created. Yes, and in real life, each of us at least once in our lives, but experienced this painfully sweet feeling. Although, according to many psychologists, if love makes a person suffer and commit rash acts, then this is not love at all, but a kind of substitute - love or passion. expressed in the fact that even if a loved one loves another, it does not cause pain. On the contrary, there is a desire to be sincerely happy for both ... and let them go in peace.
Like a dream
In general, of course, it is not easy for a person in love to distinguish love from blind love. When two people are together, they feel good when they are full of bright hopes, when in the truest sense of the word they cannot breathe on each other, hardly any of them think about the difference.
And she certainly is. Falling in love can be compared to a dream, magical and pleasant. I would like it to never end, but, alas, this does not happen.
Awakening
"The love boat crashed against everyday life," Mayakovsky sighed. Yes, it happens. It is only in books that lovers maintain a reverent attitude towards each other throughout their lives, in fact, everything is somewhat different. Even the strongest feelings sometimes cool down, and some kind of insight or awakening occurs. Psychologists speak out more categorically, calling this moment a period of crisis or "grinding". Alas, it is at this time that a woman can suddenly feel and understand that she loves another.
What's happened?
Such a question is asked more than once by the beautiful half of humanity, furtively glancing in the mirror.
Everything seems to be in order: there are no extra centimeters at the waist, hair and inconspicuous makeup are present, the wardrobe, including the intimate one, is regularly updated. So why are alarm bells ringing in the mind every now and then? Why now and then come terrible thoughts that the guy you love loves another? And let girlfriends offer to "score" and "not bathe" - who, if not us, should know and feel that the beloved and the only one has become completely different?
Changes
No, he still invites us on a date, still brings gifts, still invites us for a weekend somewhere out of town. It just seems that between the two lovers, who seemed to understand each other a few weeks ago at a glance, a wall has grown that is getting thicker and thicker.
The beloved loves another - the woman understands, feeling that a little more, and this invisible wall will become so thick that it will hardly be heard, even if she breaks. He becomes more and more irritable, he increasingly needs solitude, and in the end he moves away so much that she would rather spend the weekend alone than in the company of a man who behaves as if he is serving a duty.
"I'm guilty..."
“He loves another,” an unpleasant thought persistently beats in the mind, and, as often happens during a neurosis, the more we drive it away from ourselves, the more it sticks to us. In the end, we also become irritable, suspicious and whiny.
A man, for whom, as you know, women's tears are like a rag for a bull, already feeling guilty, gets annoyed in response. Here is the quarrel. Last? Hardly. A man - a rational being, even burning with painful love for another woman, can torment himself and both ladies in love with him for years. As for his unfortunate passion, having told the tormentor everything she thinks, she painfully begins to look for flaws in herself. The most annoying thing is that, while it is not known who is a happy rival, it is impossible to understand what advantages she has and what should be changed in herself.
Searching of decisions
When a loved one loves another and does not hide it, the most important thing is not to panic and not throw tantrums. Although, given that women are emotional beings, this is perhaps the most difficult thing. It should be remembered that since he is still here and has not gone anywhere, it is necessary to remain calm. It is necessary for both, because only in a calm state can an adequate solution be found. As for the unfaithful lover, without hearing screams and reproaches, without seeing tears and a swollen face that once seemed to him the most beautiful in the world, he will be able to put his thoughts and feelings in order and understand what he really wants.
The decision to definitely find out what the opponent is is not the best. Firstly, this is a waste of time, and secondly, without the skills of Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, it is quite difficult not to make a mistake and not give yourself away during surveillance. And yes, it's a distance. If a loved one loves another girl, he turns into a real jealous in relation to his own person and carefully guards his personal space. If a mobile phone left on the edge of the table is moved a millimeter to the side, this may not cause unpleasant questions like: "Did you take it?" But the thought that in his short absence, a passion that clearly knows something, could either read incoming SMS messages or write out several numbers unfamiliar to her, flash through his head. And this means that the defense will be strengthened, the invisible wall will become wider, and on top of that, he will also dig a mental ditch.
What to do?
But other young ladies, despite the risk, still manage to recognize the "enemy" in the face. So, when it becomes known that a loved one loves another, what to do is not entirely clear.
The whole strategy that was developed up to the moment of truth is collapsing, hands are falling, and one wants one thing - either kill both of them, or break with the traitor and traitor forever. Looking at them, happy, laughing, you absolutely do not want to go to the store for a new "outfit" that he will certainly like. I don’t want to change my hairstyle, I don’t want to improve in cooking: why, when she is next to him, who is not only younger or more beautiful, but just different ...
By the way, a common mistake of many women is to assume that if a loved one loves another, she, this other, is certainly better in some way. Yes, of course, sometimes it really happens that a man runs away from his passion to one that does not saw him, does not hang on him, does not require attention. But it is not uncommon for a previously tender and faithful friend to leave for another woman simply because she is completely different from his ex-lover. Unfortunately, there is hardly anything we can do to help. And it makes sense to return to the concepts of love and falling in love. If he really loved, he would hardly be drawn to the side in search of new sensations. If she truly loved, she would not have a desire to follow her beloved and torment him with her jealousy. Although, of course, to some extent, love is selfish.
"Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way"
When an unmarried couple breaks up, the breakup can be handled without too many complications. Yes, it hurts, but, in the end, it's not the end of the world, and is it worth holding on to a person who betrayed and trampled on bright feelings? And there is no guarantee that the homeowner will be happy with him. After all, as you know, the boomerang always comes back, and "who betrayed once - will betray again." Another thing, when another.
Here, especially when there are children in the family, a real tragedy can happen. However, given that life with a disgusted (yes, let's call a spade a spade) spouse, even for the sake of children, will not be a joy either for her or for an unfaithful spouse, or, of course, for children who feel that something is wrong at home, hardly it will benefit the latter. As practice shows, children growing up in a nervous environment, witnessing family quarrels, even in a complete family can acquire complexes and phobias. Therefore, wouldn’t it be better to either let your beloved spouse go free swimming, or invite him to live separately for some time? A man, no matter how much he is in love with another, is strongly attached to the family. It's genetic, and there's no getting around it. Having walked on the side, maybe even for more than one month, he will be able to appreciate the hearth and the benevolent wife, who, provided that she can understand and forgive, is always ready to accept the prodigal husband back.
Rare relationships between a man and a woman can be called easy, uncomplicated. No wonder they say: where feelings begin, logic ends there. It seems that everything is fine, family, children, a joint well-established life, joint rest and so on. What else do you want? And what else do you need?
And then, like a bolt from the blue, treason breaks in, and not just treason for the sake of sex, but for great and pure love. The relationship in the love triangle is very complex, there are three main characters on the stage - she, he and she. So what's the right thing to do? How to deal with this difficult situation? Many women ask these, and not only, questions, but to be honest, the most important question is: how to return a beloved man, how to return love? That love that was at the first time of dating!?
I think he's cheating on me...
Sooner or later, such thoughts visit every woman, in some cases they may not be justified, but sometimes they turn out to be true. Unfortunately, the presence of a stamp in the passport, an oath, is not a guarantee that a man will always love his wife, and most importantly, will be forever faithful and faithful. This happens only in fairy tales, and with very rare exceptions.
In real life, everything is different, over the years of marriage, many women are faced with a husband's love for another woman, and, accordingly, infidelity. But it’s not worth throwing yourself into the pool with your head, first of all, you need to make sure that fears and suspicions are justified. And not simple conjectures - after all, we young ladies can be very impressionable. So what are the signs of falling in love?
Each situation and family is unique, each man has his own character and his own attitude to life, values and so on. But still, in most cases, male love manifests itself in the same way, only some nuances appear. As psychologists say, falling in love can be with a woman in open and closed relationships.
Open relationships imply the knowledge of the wife about the presence of any young lady with whom her husband is connected by work, interests, childhood friendship, and so on. They are forced to spend time together, and from time to time the husband and wife discuss their joint affairs and achievements.
Closed relationships are hidden from the wife; she cannot assume the passion of her husband. The husband himself is silent and does not betray the presence of a girlfriend in a single word. In each case, the signs of falling in love are slightly different.
Signs of open love
In this case, the husband’s girlfriend “does not get off his tongue”. In a discussion of general achievements at work, or a hobby, only the contribution of the passion is discussed. In a conversation, only one can hear: “Irochka then ...”, “Irochka behold ...”. As a result of the conversation, more is known not about the successes in the affairs of the husband or the common company, but about the personal successes of Irochka.
There is also the other side of the coin, they can speak negatively about "Irochka". Sometimes a husband can tell how bad she is, but at the same time remember her every half hour. We can say that this is a sincere attempt to protect oneself from feelings for "Irochka", well, or a deliberate deception - so that no suspicions arise.
Every woman should be alerted by the fact when her husband meets, brings, takes and meets outside of working hours with "Irochka". Fears can be in vain only if the husband is a personal driver and this is his job. Although even in this situation there may be suspicions.
Of course, you can justify your husband with his kindness and gallantry, but if the husband does not find time to go to the grocery store and do his household chores, then everything is clear. This is already a clear concern for another woman to the detriment of his own wife and family.
It is worth paying attention to constant SMS, solitary calls and correspondence on the Internet. Especially if the correspondence in social networks is under provocative pictures with subtle hints, or there are gentle emoticons in the correspondence. In this case, you need to be careful.
It is especially disturbing when meetings with "Irochka" take place to the detriment of relations with his wife. For a better understanding: for example, a cultural holiday was planned, but suddenly, the husband needed to urgently leave for work, urgently meet and discuss any business.
It would seem that everything is elementary - it is possible! Determining the love of a man in an open relationship can be simple. But there is a more complex option - a closed relationship.
Signs of closed love
In order to understand and guess about hidden love, it is necessary to show espionage qualities and wake up Sherlock Homes in yourself. The husband will not say a word about any woman, will not show his feelings.
The most important sign is the change of the husband, starting from the mood and ending with the appearance. Falling in love changes not only a woman, giving her wings, but also men. The saddest thing is that the husband begins to gradually move away, interest in communication, sex, and solving family difficulties disappears.
In the presence of hidden relationships, all men try to hide their means of communication, the phone is always with them, social networks are “password-protected”, and even going to the toilet, the correspondence is hidden. The husband's mood is upbeat, even in spite of overtime work, frequent business trips, for which the missus is going on a date.
Sooner or later, if a man has another love, there will be a lull in his sexual life. At first, excuses: I was tired at work, something hurts, and so on, it would seem, the little things in life, it happens to everyone. But gradually, sex generally fades into the background and the husband can speak and openly express his unwillingness.
Against this background, reproaches are added, and seemingly harmless ones, for washing dishes not clockwise, undersalted or oversalted soup, with the obligatory “prefix” like this always, for pink toilet paper and other “charms”.
These points indicate not only that the husband is in love, but also that the former relationship, and the very concept of the family, is going to hell. So what to do? And what is the plan of action?
Husband loves another: what to do?
The most practical advice is, is it necessary to return love? Will a woman be able to survive betrayal, and never reproach her? Or is the purpose of forgiveness of betrayal of love for another lies in the possibility of constant reproaches? If so, then don't!
In order to understand whether a man is needed, you need to think about how life will change without him? You need to be honest with yourself and put aside the financial side of the issue, and analyze only from the position of feelings, think carefully about betrayal, and is complete forgiveness acceptable?
If parting is acceptable, and those relationships, oppression, and just indifference turned out to be the last, decisive straw, then you can safely cut the ropes. And go free swimming. But if it is not possible to breathe without a beloved husband, then you will have to work hard and fight to the bitter end.
In the struggle for the return of her husband's love, one must begin not with calls to a rival and a showdown, but with oneself, and initially it is necessary to work on wounded pride and self-esteem.
What is the main thing in the addition of self-esteem and self-esteem? No, not knowledge of all the poems of A.S. Pushkin, and quoting Goethe, and, first of all, appearance. Approaching the mirror, you need to evaluate yourself, not extra centimeters at the waist, but find in yourself those virtues and pluses that have faded for various reasons. By gathering all your virtues together, you get a “weapon” that will help return a man’s love. The most important advantage of a woman is that it was her man who took her to the registry office and legalized the relationship.
It’s great to increase self-esteem by changing your wardrobe, hairstyle, cardinal hair dyeing, buying stylish accessories. Moreover, in changing the image, there is a double benefit, as they say - we combine business with pleasure. The wife's self-esteem and self-awareness increase, the husband sees in front of him that beautiful woman whom he once led down the aisle.
A change in mood and behavior is also a weapon that must be used. How to hide sleepless nights with tears in the pillow? Good makeup and a permanent smile. Of course, it's hard to smile when you've been betrayed. But who said it would be easy?
Return of departed love: instructions for use.
Quite often, men mistake falling in love and all the charm of the candy-bouquet period for love. And the real feeling, with his wife, which has been tested over the years, has crashed on the rocks of joint life. In the arms of another woman with whom there was simply no time to start arguing, or to face some problems - good. How else? All beginning relationships are wonderful, and it seems that they are eternal.
But in fact it is a mirage. And psychologists advise letting go for a while, you should not hold on. Let the husband plunge into this relationship. Let him appreciate the housekeeping of another woman. It is difficult for many men to get used to other orders, if for many years socks have been lying on the third shelf from the left, and at the new “love” they lie at the very bottom, in a chest of drawers. That this, sooner or later, will become the subject, if not of scandal, but of conversation for sure.
And once again, when the unfaithful husband comes home, sees the already familiar order, the smell of his favorite dishes, this will make him think. Even if he immediately left, it is not worth the tears and screams in pursuit. On the contrary, this is a great sign - the ice has broken. The next time the husband returns home for something, he will remember the smell of his home, its structure and the way that was built together over the years. He will remember his wife, whom, by the way, he did not hide from prying eyes, whom he was proud of and boasted to his friends. Memories of past comfort, stability, old pleasant memories will make you think about whether this is love?
The main task of a woman is not to throw tantrums, but to let go for a while. Lack of drive, adrenaline, fear of being exposed, greatly affect the sharpness of feelings. And give a man the opportunity to understand, but is it love? All romance and imaginary love, maybe slowly but surely disappear.
And one day the door will open, and the faithful will stand on the threshold, asking to be taken back to the family. But do not think that this is a victory. It's only begining. You can’t bring down your anger on your husband, shouting: “Well, what did you walk up? "Irochka" turned out to be bad ... Did you not salt enough borscht? From such scandals, mutual reproaches, a man may doubt the correctness of his choice.
The husband has already made his choice, he returned, he realized that the family is better, and his arrival is nothing more than a request to let him back in and, if possible, start all over again.
Basic Mistakes
The most common mistake many women make when dealing with infidelity is tantrums. It happens on a whim, as a matter of course. Scandals, showdown, tears, threats, sometimes even fights - these are situations that are typical in 90% of cases.
This situation "remained at the gene level", since the days of socialism. When a walking man was dishonored at a general meeting at work. And under the fear of being fired and surrendering my party card, I had to return to my family. The main thing is done - the husband in the family, but by what methods and with what consequences?
Today the situation is the same, only friends are used instead of the boss, to whom all the dirty linen is turned out, all family secrets are told. Many women go to blackmail, and any - with children, with their own lives. No wonder they say - you can lead a horse to a watering place, but you can’t force him to get drunk. Worth considering!
Therefore, in order for a man to fully return home, not only with his body, under the yoke of circumstances, but also with his soul, it is necessary to use female tricks. Women's affection should be turned on at full capacity, because it was her, in most cases, that the man was looking for on the side. And don't be afraid to look stupid.
Perhaps the man on the side was looking for sharing his own interests, therefore, you can start to delve into his hobby, perhaps even engage in it together. All topics that are discussed with the husband should be carefully chosen. Ideally, in this area, the man should be the most powerful and better versed than the wife. Men love to feel smarter and more important. He is the protector and head of the family.
Before you try to return your beloved husband to the family, you need to realize that the old relationship is in the past. They are over. It is necessary to build new relationships, in any case, even if the husband is the same.
In building a new relationship with an old husband, you need to close all your grievances in a dark closet and hang a barn lock. New relationships should start with a light heart. A woman should always remain a woman, and this is not necessary for someone, but for a woman.
You need to be gentle, purposeful, to be such a woman that not one man will miss. And even after getting married, you should not give in and relax - this is necessary, first of all, for the woman herself. Once this simple truth is in your head, no man will allow relationships on the side.
“The husband loves another, but lives with me” - often on the forums you can find such a heading in which a woman asks for help with advice in a similar situation.
And how sharply sometimes we can think or speak out about this, not assuming that this can happen to everyone.
But in fact, such a development of events baffles every woman. What to do if a loved one has another?
Assessment of the situation
What should be taken away from what happened is that this is not just a betrayal in order to diversify the routine life if a man fell in love with another woman.
That is why the lawful wife should be especially careful in this case.
First of all, it is necessary to try with different eyes to consider everything that happened, to identify possible causes.
Why doesn't he leave?
What to do if the husband said that he loves another, but at the same time he is not going to leave at all?
It is worth considering the reasons why a man is usually not going to leave his family, in more detail:
- Children. If they are still small, then, of course, he will want to participate in their upbringing. But if they are big, then he may just want to avoid condemnation, remaining in their eyes the same exemplary father.
- Relatives. Women often claim that their family is considered exemplary and if it breaks up, then “what will the relatives say?”. Husbands think the same, fearing that they will be turned away from them, standing up for the protection of their lawful wife, as the most affected party.
- Convenience of life. As cynical as it may sound, it is true. At home, life is adjusted, dinner is cooked, his wife takes care of him: ironing shirts, cleaning, washing linen. And at the same time, the husband loves another, with her he rests from work and routine. Often it is this state of affairs that a man is completely satisfied with. Is your wife ready to deal with this? Only she can answer this question.
- Material wealth. The fear of losing what has been acquired also drives men. Either he or his wife can support the family. And if everything is clear with the second case, then, you ask, why should a man be afraid for his wealth in the first case? But after all, with a divorce, he will have to part with a lot. And it happens a lot.
- Passion is not serious. Despite the confession to his wife of love for another woman, it may happen that on a subconscious level a man understands that his passion is not serious, and falling in love will soon pass. In this case, he does not want to lose his family, assuming to break the connection soon.
How to get your husband back?
If you have the strength to forgive and accept, then you should endure and try to take various ways.
At the same time, it is important to avoid quarrels, setting ultimatums, threats, demands to immediately abandon the homeowner, said in a categorical tone.
Recall the immortal painting "Love and Doves", in which a similar classic triangle is considered. What attracted a married man in his mistress first of all?
Unusual character, beauty, intelligence, and precisely the dissimilarity of that other woman to a wife who is not only simple, but has also been thoroughly studied over the years of living together.
However, every man appreciates his own, native family, which means that he will return.
To this we can add statistics figures, according to which 90% of husbands again return to their legal and native wife.
But in this situation, it is you who should decide what is supposed to be done - save the family or let the husband go.
The fact that only a woman solves such issues is said not only by eminent psychologists, but also by life experience.
Assessing your chances
“He loves another” - these words do not just sound bitter, but also usually cause disappointing damage to women's pride.
Self-esteem in many cases falls sharply and hands drop by themselves. After all, in addition to work and home, the wife is responsible for taking care of the children and the husband himself, in many cases there is not enough time for herself.
But if there is still love and it is complemented by the desire to return the husband to the family, then the changes must begin with yourself.
What should be changed?
- Appearance. Cardinally. It is worth trying on a new image, dyeing your hair in a new shade, losing weight. First, of course, you need to consult with a hair stylist, or try to independently evaluate whether a new style suits you. The main rule is that in an attempt to look good, do not become too ridiculous. If a woman is aged, then it is better to emphasize elegance with outfits, appropriate care and haircut. Such an image will be luxurious. And it is better for young girls to change their style, take better care of themselves.
- Character. Yes, it is worth changing! But “breaking” oneself through force and towards accepting the situation as it is is by no means possible! On the contrary, you need to appear strong-willed, try to remove the notes of hysteria and scandalism, if any, to be more balanced.
- Find a hobby. It will allow you to take a break from the situation for a long time. Believe me, in a difficult situation, after infidelity, and even being practically on the verge of a divorce, a woman simply needs an outlet. As an activity, you can choose whatever you like. Scrapbooking, origami, embroidery, sand painting and more. Focusing on creating them, distracting from the situation, you can soon feel full of energy and rested. It is very important.
- Engage in self-development. Sign up for dances, read, go to trainings, learn languages - do everything that you once could not do due to lack of time. Reduce household worries to the maximum, and spend the freed time on yourself, walking with children, having fun with them, and taking care of yourself. Let your husband know in this way that you can all manage without him together. In addition, a long absence of a wife's home can cause jealousy even in a man who considers himself in love with another woman. After all, how can it be that his wife could please anyone else?
- The last fact follows from the previous one. Get yourself a fan. If this is unacceptable for you, then just dress in a way that other men like. Jealousy, it is worth repeating, is considered one of the most reliable ways to return the interest of a husband. He will soon be able to completely forget about the other woman, again and again trying to win his wife.
Believe me, all beneficial changes will become noticeable not only to you, and your efforts will not be in vain.
Having felt the whole taste of life and again becoming fragrant, smiling, you will again become the woman that your husband once fell in love with.
In addition to this, surround him with care, but not too visible. Cook delicious meals, give him unobtrusive and, most importantly, sincere compliments.
Finally, let him feel like a man. Not only women are able to "love with their ears."
Feeling his need, indispensability, realizing that he is needed here more than in another, alien family, he will soon be able to understand that feelings for another woman were only a momentary hobby.
Can't be pardoned
If the husband loves another, but does not leave, then for the wife such a situation is several times more painful.
Firstly, serious torment begins, the search for reasons, and secondly, the woman is in constant stress that the man is about to get bored and leave her.
It can be difficult to accept betrayal, but such a development of events in which the husband does not make the final choice is much more difficult.
In this case, the wife will know about the other woman and morally will have to accept her. Most often, this is tolerated for the sake of children, prosperity, or simply fear of condemnation of relatives.
But if there is no more love and you don’t want to accept the humiliating development of events, then there is only one way out - to quit without looking back at the opinions of outsiders.
Such a decision should be made if you only want freedom, there is no desire to endure the situation, betrayal, the attitude of a man.
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Decide everything yourself, pack your bags and put the unfaithful hubby out the door. Take care of yourself and your happiness will soon find you.
The main thing is not to get hung up on experiences for a long time. As soon as you say goodbye to the past, new events will already be ready to enter your life, filling it with new meaning.