How to respond to insults. What to do if they call you names? How to respond to a classmate who humiliates you

15.10.2023

Most people who are faced with insults in their direction feel confused in the first seconds, not knowing how to react to such aggressive attacks. However, if you happen to find yourself in a similar situation again, try to get your bearings right away and remember some recommendations.

How to behave when you are insulted

Do not react to negativity and insults

Sometimes in such situations, the absence of any reaction may be the best way out of the situation. It is possible that later you will begin to reproach yourself for this silence and timidity, but more often than not, subsequently people are proud of the fact that they were able to restrain themselves and not sink to the level of a tactless and aggressive person who was trying to “catch on”.

This is especially true if we are talking about an energy vampire - such a person is just waiting for a response from you, it only “feeds” him. Communication with such a person always ends the same way - you feel defeated, and your opponent’s mood clearly improves.

Should I respond with aggression in a conflict?

This is not the best option and is only applicable in exceptional cases.

So, when is aggression appropriate in response:

If your opponent uses any physical force against your child or animal.
If your opponent has long lost control of himself and has been trying to piss you off and inject you more painfully for a long time.
If your opponent goes beyond what is permitted and tries to insult a weaker and more vulnerable person in front of you. An example would be a drunken boor rude to an unfamiliar child on the bus.

Change the situation into a positive direction (laugh it off)

Perhaps you have started a quarrel with a really close person, and you do not want to continue this ugly scene, realizing that such a development of events will only harm your relationship. In this case, it makes sense to pull yourself together and take the conflict in a completely different direction with the help of a joke. If the person is really close, then you know what topic can provoke a smile on his face.

Of course, this is not so easy to do when you yourself are stifled by resentment, and you want to give a worthy rebuff to your interlocutor. However, it is important to understand that in this way you act most wisely - you do not allow yourself to be completely disappointed in your loved one, and for him to be disappointed in you. When the intensity of passions subsides, suggest returning to the topic that has quarreled you in order to calmly resolve the dilemma that has arisen.

Try to shame the offender into silence

At times, a person can forget himself and behave completely tactlessly. If you know that such behavior is not usually typical for him, then, of course, it makes sense to shame him. Most likely, the opponent will immediately understand that he is overstepping the boundaries of decency.

This method is also effective when communicating with children. Almost all of them experience turning points at various stages of their development, and aggression in response to their offensive tone can only cause harm. In such cases, it would actually be better to create a feeling of shame for your words.

Use clever words and logical arguments to prove that you are right.

Such answer options can help you reason with the insulter and redirect his energy from a stream of insults to constructive dialogue. If a person lies, then simply ask him: “Why are you behaving this way?” In response, you will probably hear more intelligible information than before. If necessary, this question can be repeated several times.

Also, if you notice that the interlocutor is clearly “carried out” and he is already confused in his thoughts, ask him to justify his words.

Use witty, cheeky and funny phrases when you are rude

The saddest thing is that for some reason most boors are not very susceptible to humor, and your witty and funny answers will most likely seem simply absurd to such a person. However, you can try to laugh it off, especially if there is an audience for your argument.

So, in response to an insult, you can answer:

“You are not very original, maybe next time it will be better.”
“You are very attentive, a valuable quality.”
“Weak attempt, maybe rudeness is not your thing after all?”
"I hope you're just trying to look worse than you really are."

To shut up and humiliate an enemy, you should learn sarcasm

It is quite difficult to neutralize a particularly aggressive interlocutor with phrases prepared in advance, so in such cases the ability to respond with sarcasm is highly valued. For example, if your opponent defiantly asks: “What did you say?!”, you can retort: “Yes, you also have problems with hearing...”. Or if you are asked: “The smartest, or what?”, you can answer: “You are surprisingly observant!”

How to respond to offensive words if you don’t get it in a good way

In what cases can force be used?

The use of force, of course, is appropriate only in fairly rare cases, one might even say exceptional. First of all, this is necessary when you are threatened with physical violence. Of course, if the opponent not only threatens, but also begins to put his threats into action, then in such a situation it is all the more impossible to be offended.

You can also use force when you see physical suffering being inflicted on a weaker being. This way you can stand up for an animal, a child, an elderly person or a woman. Of course, in this situation it would be unwise to get into trouble if you see that the rude person is clearly superior to you in physical parameters. However, it would be right to ask someone else for help or to intimidate the boor with the police.

Should I use harsh swear words and expressions?

In very rare cases this is actually appropriate. As a rule, a cultured person who considers himself a worthy member of society prefers to ignore swearing, not wanting to stoop to the level of his opponent. Mikhail Zadornov once recommended to his listeners not to enter into dialogue with a person who hurls insults, arguing that this is as stupid as barking in response to a dog barking.

Is it possible to civilly send a person without swearing to shut up?

To some extent, this is possible, although not without difficulty. For example, if a person begins to forget himself, and you understand that he is clearly minding his own business, you can remark: “It seems to me or does this really not concern you?”

In addition, the following phrases will cool the interlocutor’s ardor:

“Your opinion is very valuable, but not in this situation”;
“If I need your advice, I will seek you out”;
“What makes you think that I’m interested in your opinion?”

How to insult back if you're just annoyed

For rudeness you can be humiliatingly called with offensive words

Of course, one should resort to offensive and humiliating insults only in very rare cases - when the opponent does not know the limits in his statements and pours out an uncontrollable stream of “dirty” words. If you have enough willpower, then in such cases, it is best to ignore the person who is showing aggression - to pretend that his words are an empty phrase for you.

When the interlocutor expresses or shouts everything he thinks, you can wearily summarize: “You are very tiring, is that why you have problems in your personal life?” Please note that such a phrase sounds very caustic and offensive, so it should be used in the case of a notorious scoundrel. Even if he is married, such words will hurt him, because such a brawler, most likely, is really not doing well on the personal front.

To an aggressive boor who is overweight, you can say: “It would be better to join the gym!” We emphasize that it is better to avoid barbs about appearance as much as possible - such comments usually humiliate not only your enemy, but also you. However, if you know that some aspect of your appearance is a sore subject for your interlocutor, and he himself has already completely “ridden through” your appearance, then you can “give change” with similar phrases.

Troll verbally and put in place

Many people are seriously affected by various “prophecies” and curses.” If your enemy behaves disgracefully, insulting you, having long ago crossed all boundaries of what is permitted, then calmly say: “From this day on, you will know why misfortune will befall you.” Many people are suspicious, especially if they are emotionally unstable. Most likely, your phrase will haunt your interlocutor for a long time, and he will really begin to regret his own incontinence.

Answers for all occasions

A few examples of cool phrases that will bring you to tears (examples)

If you set out to bring the person who offended you to tears, then there are phrases that contribute to such a development of events.

So, here are examples of some of them:

I don’t know what you are trying to prove, your primitive mind does not allow you to express yourself more clearly?
Your insults are so stupid that I don't even feel offended. Probably, many are accustomed to feeling only a feeling of pity for you;
I can imagine how ashamed your relatives are for you;
So it turns out that you are not only “not very good” in appearance.

Of course, before you try to insult a person to the point of tears, it makes sense to think about whether it is necessary to do this at all. It is possible that as time passes, you yourself will regret that you took such a step. As a rule, conscientious people are subsequently ashamed of such behavior and intemperance.

Cool insults for humiliation (examples)

Do you always have such a poor imagination or is today a bad day?
Your parents probably just dreamed that you would one day run away from home.
Don't stop talking, maybe you'll get to some smart phrases.
It is probably difficult for you to love nature, considering how it treated you.
If you tried to look even more stupid, I'm afraid the attempt would fail.

Afterword

This may be very difficult, but remember that later you will have reason to rejoice at your prudence and foresight. First of all, it is important to realize that you do not need to take seriously what your opponent tells you. Most often, when insulting someone, a person rarely resorts to logic and common facts, because his only goal is to “hurt” as much as possible!

It is also important to clearly differentiate whether the person is dissatisfied solely with you, or if he is simply going through a sad period, and you just “caught the wind”. If we are talking about the second option, then it is better to avoid showing any emotions. Mentally feel sorry for the offender, and abstract yourself from this situation.

Ignoring is a very useful skill in many unpleasant situations. It is important to understand that insults are usually resorted to by a weak-willed person who has serious problems in his upbringing. This understanding is especially appropriate if we are talking about a person whom you are unlikely to see again. Think carefully - is he worth wasting your energy on him or is it better to ignore this pathetic boor? Of course, some people believe that such behavior only benefits them, and begin to become even more inflamed in their insults, then look carefully at your interlocutor and say: “By what right do you allow yourself to behave this way towards strangers, you yourself understand How unworthy do you look?” Such a question may well “sober up” your opponent.

Of course, if a conflict is started by a person close to you, then ignoring is not always the right response. It’s unlikely that your interlocutor just wanted to insult you out of nowhere. Most likely, something is seriously bothering this person, and it would be appropriate to talk about it directly. Just say: "Let's stop these vile insults and try to solve the problem." Most likely, after this you will really be able to close the conflict, and your interlocutor will be grateful to you for your prudence.

Motivated by reason, not emotions, you will always be a winner

If you have started to wonder how it is offensive to answer a person with obscenities or how to bring someone to tears with your insults, then you are clearly not on the right track. Be more reasonable, do not succumb to other people's emotional influence. If you yourself stoop to such unworthy behavior, it may bring you a feeling of satisfaction for just a few seconds - then the situation will not be so rosy.

Most likely, if you resort to rudeness towards another person (especially if he is close), you will then feel empty and depressed. As a rule, various verbal skirmishes bring satisfaction only to energy vampires - it is difficult to please other people with a conflict situation.

Remember that people who have learned to control themselves, as a rule, always remain in an advantageous position. At the same time, those people who easily get turned on “half-turn” thereby attract additional negative events and emotions.

Not giving in to emotions is very useful in many cases, and one of them is a quarrel with higher management at work or simply with a person on whom you depend. Recognize that the person is arriving upset, and your counter-attacks may make things worse. To avoid such a development of the situation, it makes sense to mentally distract yourself from the conversation. That is, outwardly you seem to listen to everything that your opponent says to you, but in reality your thoughts wander somewhere far away. You can remember pleasant events in your life, think about your upcoming vacation, and decide what dish would be appropriate to cook for dinner.

Think ahead about the consequences of your actions

If you understand that you yourself partially provoked the flow of insults, although you did not deserve such unflattering words, then you should partially admit your guilt. For example: “You are, of course, right in your indignation, but your words could be chosen more softly.”

When getting into a verbal argument with someone, remember that this may result in some problems for you in the future. It’s one thing if we are talking about a person you are unlikely to meet on your life’s path, and a completely different thing when a clash happened with a loved one, friend, neighbor. Such a conflict could lead to a protracted war. Even if you make peace almost immediately, the offensive words spoken can remain in the memory for a long time, and sooner or later they will still lead to a cooling in the relationship. Therefore, in such cases, if you feel even the slightest ability to restrain yourself, be sure to try to use it.

Many people know firsthand how difficult it is to cope with resentment caused by the fact that someone behaves inappropriately, says rude words or mocks physical disabilities or mistakes. This problem, unfortunately, is not uncommon even among adults, not to mention the fact that children face it literally at every turn. The one who calls another name feels pleasure from the fact that someone is humiliated next to him and wipes away his tears, and if you are the one who is offended, our advice will help you figure out how to behave correctly in such situations and avoid repeated humiliation.

Wrong response to insults

As a rule, it is most difficult for children to adequately respond to hurtful words. Schoolchildren are particularly sensitive. However, many adults, finding themselves in a similar situation, react as follows:

protect themselves using force (this applies more to representatives of the male half of humanity);
insulted in return;
withdraw into themselves and react sharply to the problem, which often becomes the cause of suicide;
make every effort to change the team.

Even a change of team, which is often much more difficult for adults than for a child who is simply transferred to another school, often does not give the expected results. Therefore, in order to solve the problem, it is better to seek help from a psychologist who will give recommendations and advise how to behave.

An experienced psychologist will help you understand the problem in detail much faster, and the first thing he will do is establish the real reason why the person calling another name allows himself to behave in this way. According to psychologists, often the real reason why you are called names lies deep inside you. It is only at first glance that it seems that the one who hurts you is mocking your appearance or mental abilities. In fact, the problem with someone who has taken on the role of a victim is that the person:

reacts to ridicule and criticism;
cries;
gets upset;
threatens and insults in response.

Any attempt to stop the bullying leads to the fact that the person hurting you experiences even greater pleasure in watching your reaction. After all, for the offender, it is not so much the process that is important as the achieved result, and recognizing the victim even in a huge crowd can be quite simple.

What should you do to avoid being teased?

The best thing a person can do to avoid being teased is not to respond to the insult and change their attitude towards the current situation. You should not give the offenders a reason to make you a laughing stock. By changing your attitude towards insults, you can stop any attacks in your direction.

Learn to ignore any comments and ridicule, stop complaining about offenders to colleagues or friends. Of course, it’s very unpleasant when people call you fat, but maybe you should take care of yourself and lose a couple of kilograms? And if it’s easier for you to make excuses or demand an apology from your offenders, you will have to be patient and wait for your offenders to transfer their ridicule to another object. Considering that this time may never come, try to reassure them that their words are not likely to cause you anger or resentment, and any interest in continuing the ridicule will disappear after a period of time. Remain calm, and the person who cannot make you angry by trying in every possible way will lose all interest in you within a few days.

Comments

what do you think is possible

Answer

Ksenia Spitsina 2019.03.29 20:22

This is my dog, I’ll set it on them and they won’t come near me anymore

This is a signal that adults have let the process take its course. Violence at school has reached terrifying proportions - what should parents do if their child is called names? Thoughtfully help him find his place among other children. But as?

Until puberty (approximately 16 years), children develop, their properties are only being developed. They try to use them, but at first it doesn't work out very well. The children's team is wild animals, ready to gnaw each other to preserve themselves.

Typically, innovation occurs when there is one teacher whose methods are not considered consistently. For this task, Duckworth is unique. When she was a teacher, she noticed that her smartest children were not her most successful children, and her less academically able students often did well. As part of her PhD in psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, she studied adults and children in complex situations. What traits predict cadets' survival at West Point? Which kids win high stakes spelling bees?

Adults are called upon to make them “not wild.” Without us, they can only organize according to the principle of a primitive pack, uniting against the victim. It is our job to show them how successful connections between people are built. What are we showing?

- You must be able to give change! Hit the nose, and the enemy will immediately lose control of the situation! Call back, find the most obvious flaw of the offender, so that your classmates will pick up and switch their attention from you to the fat, bespectacled guy!

Why do adults call people names?

Which children at risk have higher education? It was sand. “Passion plus persistence for long-term goals,” she explains in this Ted Talk. Other countries are also moving towards a more scientific approach. But he admits, "We don't know enough about the best ways to teach these attributes."

Character training is nothing new. But as research increasingly shows the importance of character traits, countries and schools have had to incorporate the findings into curricula. Durlak and three other researchers published a meta-analysis of 213 school-based social and emotional learning skills.

We teach children to defend themselves by attack from a “wolf” environment, and then we complain that they have grown up to be insensitive egoists.

In a children's group, no one wants to stand out. Just as weaker animals hide from predators by blending in color with their environment, so a child strives to be invisible. Stand out - “ate”. The child is called names because he is different.

Perhaps more importantly, they also showed improvements in getting along, feeling involved in school and managing relationships better. Researchers have found that these skills are important because when students become less connected to school, grades, behavior and even health are negatively affected. According to one study, between 60 and 60% of children are chronically disconnected from school in middle school.

Whatever the name, researchers find many personality traits, such as self-control and optimism, as well as a growth mindset—the belief that your efforts matter and a mind that is malleable, not fixed at birth—predict success in life because defined by everything from life satisfaction to the likelihood of graduating from university.

If a child is bullied at school, the reason may be:

Tender boy
All normal boys run, fight, push. Only one - a “wimp” with huge eyes - cannot even raise his hand to a bug. A sensitive, tearful boy with a cutaneous-visual ligament vector often becomes a victim of name-calling at school.

White crow
A child with a sound vector is quiet; he rarely accumulates the hostility of the children's group, but he can become a victim of an oral clown.

Face control
External differences from the average child: fatness, thinness, height, health problems. Because of his unconventional appearance, classmates mercilessly call the child fat, bespectacled, and big. Sometimes the teacher himself does not call names directly, but with a sarcastic comment like: “Did you forget your head at home?!” - labels the child as “stupid.” Children instantly pick up on this message.

On the other hand, if a child fits into the team and has a sufficient emotional connection with others, then he feels good; if there is no contact, he suffers. That is baby will not be called names and offended, despite his external or internal differences from other children, if psychologically he is part of the team.

While everyone recognizes the importance of social and emotional skills, there is often little awareness of “what works” to improve these skills and efforts to measure and reward them, the researchers write. He concluded that cognitive skills, as measured by literacy, academic achievement, and grades, may have a particularly strong impact on attendance and employment in higher education. Increasing social and emotional skills such as assertiveness, self-esteem, and communication may have a particularly powerful impact on staying in college, being healthier, less bullying, and reporting more happiness.

So how can we make a child a necessary link in the chain of child interaction and prepare him for further successful socialization?

What can a mother do when her child is called names and tormented at school?

1. Provide the child with a sense of safety and security

Mom, why do they call me names at school? Causes of the problem

The question is how to train them. Schleicher spends a lot of time in schools around the world and over many years. Many countries place a lot of emphasis on character in their education system and this makes a big difference. “In East Asian countries there is a greater recognition of the importance of character development in schools,” he said. “They see education as a value, not just getting a job.”

Culture certainly plays a role: for some Asian families, getting bad grades is simply not acceptable. In Korea, children do so much homework that police have to raid tutoring centers at night to get children to return home.

The child is born helpless, the mother is the guarantor of survival for him. Life resources from mom are not limited to feeding. The psychological state of the child is almost 100% dependent on the mother.

Until puberty, the mother is the soil on which the child's flower is grown. What she feeds it with is how the flower grows, and that’s how it feels in other people’s gardens. The mother is anxious and depressed - this is passed on to the child and leads to a loss of a sense of security, negatively affecting his behavior and ability to adapt to the external environment. This makes the child the weak link and is instantly recognized in the team.

In East Asian countries, there is greater recognition of the importance of character development in schools. In China, if a student is absent, teachers make every effort to trace that child, ultimately to the student's home or the parent's workplace. Schleicher recently visited a boarding school in rural China, where all the students were the first in their families to receive an education. Their parents couldn't be the driving force in developing "character" because they weren't around. He saw children working hard with teachers to save the school, and noted a strong sense of ownership and investment.

If a child receives from his mother a basic feeling of being needed, important, protected, external winds and weeds he won't care.

This means that when the mother’s condition comes into balance, the condition, behavior of the child, and the attitude of others towards him change.

The teachers told him that they had rejected the Western model of educating students as consumers of education. The value of education was learning mathematics as well as caring for your school and working with teachers. “That kind of mutual respect was a result of how they work with the student,” he said.

California will soon begin testing children on things like self-control and conscientiousness, measures that will be included in assessments of overall school performance. "We believe you have to improve the way character is discussed and measured in schools," he said. "We don't think you should use it to evaluate children, teachers or schools."

“It is sometimes very difficult to notice changes in yourself. But children are our mirrors. And I have a very strong connection with my daughter. I was worried about this, I really wanted her to grow up not as complex as me. And no matter what I did (visits to a psychologist, books, etc., etc.), but my daughter “took everything off” from me.
And then, during my training, I began to notice changes in my daughter, she seemed to have matured (mentally), relationships with her classmates improved, she was no longer an outcast in the class, whom everyone called names. Naturally, she began to go to school with great pleasure and open up.) And then I realized that I was no longer the same as I was a couple of months ago! And I feel like this is just the beginning!!!”

What to do if they call you names?

Even HR experts disagree on what skills matter and what are the effective ways to measure them. Many character assessments ask students to evaluate things like how prepared they are for classes or whether they are a hard worker. These things are very subjective. Duckworth cited research on self-reported conscientiousness in 56 countries. Koreans, Chinese and Japanese rated themselves lowest, perhaps a reflection of culture more than willingness. Children lie, but context matters.

We believe you must improve the way character is discussed and measured in schools. But he is adamant that measurement tools have improved and countries need to collect data to determine how best to help their students. “If we want to bring it to the radar screen, we need to measure it,” he said.

Galina D., educational psychologist

It is necessary to talk with the child not only about lessons and lunches, but also about his feelings, thoughts, dreams, doubts, questions, and aspirations.

The first advice to a mother if a child is called names at school is to talk to him, or rather, listen. Without rushing anywhere, without being distracted by the phone, work, friends, soup. Let your child feel that he is your everything.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

During the Industrial Revolution, some opposed the introduction of public schools, arguing that parents had a responsibility to offer these skills. Fortunately, the critics lost on this one. This generation needs science to justify everything from what we eat to how we love.

Science is much richer than ever, says Levin. “We know more, so we have a responsibility to include what we know for children.” Schleicher makes a different case. "Everywhere you look there is a great mismatch between university graduates who can't find work and employers saying they can't find people with the skills they need," he said.

Has the child already closed himself into a protective shell from you? Try to gradually open up to him yourself. He instantly recognizes fake tinsel and moves away even more. Share with him your real feelings and experiences, memories of school and classmates. This way your emotional connection will gradually be restored. Try to maintain your composure.

Wrong response to insults

The problems are not easy to solve: Europe is paralyzed in disputes over migration; terrorism is on the rise, unemployment is affecting many countries and industries that are transforming overnight, demanding more skills and encouraging traditional educational practices. Testing well in math and science is necessary, but more is needed.

Traditional teacher titles such as "Sir" and "Miss" should be consigned to history as they discriminate against women, scientists say. Students should be encouraged to use the names of early teachers to renovate schools and ensure children are not subjected to the “prejudice of the previous generation,” it argued.

By trusting his mother, the child learns to trust the world. And he goes out into society with an unconscious attitude not to defend himself, but to interact.

2. Develop a child according to his natural properties

A cactus does well in the desert, and an orchid does well in tropical rainforests. Likewise, each child needs its own conditions for development, depending on its vector set, that is, the characteristics of the psyche. These conditions are created or not created by parents at home. If he himself feels uncomfortable and insecure, then he may well find himself in the situation of a victim who is called names at school.

Experts said the use of "Sir" for males and "Miss" for all female teachers - regardless of marital status - was old-fashioned and "represents the massive status inconsistency and sexism of yesteryear." But one school leader defended the conditions, insisting they represented a sign of respect.

The names, which have been used by generations of British schoolchildren, can be traced back through the centuries it appeared. "It's old-fashioned and represents the massive status inconsistency and sexism of yesteryear," he said. "It's very difficult to create linguistic equality between people who many people believe are not equal," she said. At school we have children who are still really learning the language. They pick it up very easily and then the next generation is exposed to the prejudices of the previous generation.

Thus, raising a boy who is skin-visual to become a brutal beast, teaching him to stand up for himself with his fist, means dooming him to an unhappy life. Such a boy must first of all develop sensuality:

allow to cry;
develop compassion for others: first through reading fairy tales, then through real actions; (For example, Alexey Kortnev, helping abandoned children, teaches his children to volunteer. Children grow up with the understanding that someone needs their empathy and help.)
teach how to play the guitar and sing - this skill will help the skin-visual child reduce self-dislike and occupy his natural niche in the team; ( Little Dima Bilan earned respect for himself from early childhood by giving his best at school concerts, but he could have become a whipping boy if his wise mother and teachers had not been around.)
the theater group will help you show sensuality while remaining a boy, a little man, and not “a crybaby like a girl.”

Useful tips on raising children can be found in the article - Our children and their future: how to raise a happy child .

My child is called names at school - what should I do?

She said schools should ditch the titles and call all male teachers followed by their last name, while female teachers are called Ms. But Professor Sarah Mills, from the Humanities Research Center at Sheffield Hallam University, said schools should go further by returning to names.

She said: "Sometimes teachers find that they can control students more when they try to highlight the similarities between them rather than trying to stay as far away as possible." However, one school leader insisted that the traditional titles remain.

3. Help your child socialize

When a child develops according to his natural properties, he experiences inner comfort and integrates into the children's team much more easily; such a child will no longer be bullied at school. By understanding your child's characteristics and aspirations, you can guide him into activities where he can feel like he belongs and is accepted. This could be a school theater club or participation in competitions, creating a wall newspaper, a report or a performance. Help him get involved in the life of the school, give him the opportunity to realize himself, if not in the classroom, then in another school group, and he will feel more confident, and the attitude of other children towards him will change for the better.

What should you do to avoid being teased?

They show respect by giving me a name rather than "hey" or "oh you" or whatever. Sir is a term you could call a person. You wouldn't call her Mrs. or Lady or Dame. This is how English works. In my experience, children who bully parents who bully.

The school should have a code of conduct in place which should already be followed. Overall agreed - especially in San Francisco, the school should have a fairly mature way of handling the situation. The school has a responsibility to protect its students from bias-based bullying, which can have serious consequences for both the student and the student doing the bullying.

How to help a child be needed?

Should we teach a child to irritably isolate himself from all “enemies” or encourage him to solve the problem together? Doom your son and daughter to unhappy loneliness from childhood or push them to look for ways out through interaction? The trajectory of development is set by parents.

How can you help your child who finds himself in such a difficult situation?

You can report these statistics to the administrator. Stephen Russell et al. American Journal of Public Health. Espelage Journal of Early Adolescence. It sounds like the school needs training for its students as well as training for its staff so they know how to handle situations like this. Your son has the right to be his authentic self and have his personality respected at school!

Develop a child according to his natural properties

However, insist on anonymity to protect your child from further harassment. There are also two trends that suggest schools will respond quickly and decisively. Think of it as a serious triage for long-term chronic care, which of course should be done at every institution.

Sometimes adults themselves first need to work on their ability to build connections with other people. Many children’s problems disappear when parents undergo training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.

I have contact

Receiving a feeling of safety and security and the correct guidelines at home, the baby enters the team not as a ball of tension, but as an interested person in others. Such an internal core gives the child the strength to realize his innate properties and interact. This fits the growing person into the team most naturally.

To many parents I'm familiar with the situation when a child comes home from school in tears and complains that at school they now call him not by his name, but by his nickname. Children's nicknames are actually not always offensive; they can mean something or mean nothing. Therefore, you should not immediately get upset and take active steps to immediately punish the offender.

Nickname may be educated from the first name, last name, from the appearance and behavior of the child. So the boy Sergei always becomes Gray in the class, the girl Solovyova - Nightingale. Such nicknames may not be offensive to the child, because that is what everyone is usually called at school, and he is not alone in this case. A child worries when his nickname is offensive and only his classmates call him that. For example, if boys with the name Mikhail are all called Mishka, but only one is called Mishak or Donkey.

Rich soil for nicknames gives physique, height, facial expressions, clothing and health. If a child is well-fed, then you should not be surprised that at school he received the nickname “Fat Man”. A child wearing glasses will definitely be called “Bespectacled.” These nicknames, of course, are offensive to the child, but in these cases the parents themselves are to blame for calling him this name.

Before you think about how force offenders, respect your child and do not call him names, think about the fact that an offensive nickname never arises out of nowhere. If your child is overweight, you need to take steps to help him lose weight. You can’t give your child names without thinking about how his peers might call him names. It is better to name a child a complex name than a short one that causes ridicule. For example, instead of giving the child the name Edik, call him Eduard and try to address him by this name yourself.

Everyone knows that children teasing Edik as a fagot. Such a nickname can ruin a child's entire life. If the child’s surname makes you want to laugh at him, then you should think about changing the surname. The child’s first and last names should not cause the child to develop complexes, because parents choose them for their children.

Children are very painful react to offensive nicknames and seek support from their parents. Advising your child not to respond to a nickname is not correct in all cases. This can be done for a child who is self-confident, does not suffer from low self-esteem and has friends at school. If the child is not very active and does not have an iron character, then it can be very difficult for the child to fight the offenders alone. In this case, it is useless to respond to the nickname with indifference; the further he ignores, the more he will be teased. To avoid this, start working on improving your child's self-esteem. Praise him more often, help him accept and love himself.

Let him know that if they call" bespectacled", then this is not a reason to be offended, because many famous people wear glasses. For example, Bell Gates was called “bespectacled” at school, but he became the most successful person in the world. Give examples from the lives of other celebrities and explain how to avoid nicknames in Only a few succeed in childhood, you just need to calmly react to them. The task of parents is to convince the child that he is beautiful and can be liked even in the appearance that he has. For example, if he has red hair, convince him that it is golden, and if his nose is too long, tell him that he has a Roman face profile.

Even in kindergarten, teach your child to give rebuff the offender, leaving the last word for himself and thereby protecting himself from the nickname. Preschool children should know rhyming phrases to shout back to the offender. For example, “he who calls you names is called himself,” “there are no long people, only the tongue is long,” “if you call me names, you translate to yourself,” “I didn’t even know that your name was that, I’m glad to meet you.” etc. It’s one thing when a child barely audibly mumbles to himself “that’s how he is,” and another when he confidently answers: “a hungry crocodile walked along and swallowed your word.”

Complexity of children who constantly being called names at school can cause him to withdraw into himself, begin to study poorly, and deep down he will hate his parents for not taking his problems seriously. Therefore, such a child’s complaints about being called names at school should not be ignored. First, have a positive attitude for your child.

Ask him about how others are teased. children, tell him how you yourself were teased at school, and how you managed to overcome resentment towards your peers. In many schools, the leader in the class becomes the one who has a hooligan character and is a poor student. Other children try to imitate him, and the one who does not want to become as bad as the others begins to be called names in order to force him to obey the leader. In such cases, the situation often leads to fights, where the child may even get injured. Inaction of parents can negatively affect not only the mental, but also the physical development of the child.

It is necessary to intervene in the situation taking into account circumstances. First, come to school, talk to the teacher and the school principal. If the class teacher cannot cope with the problem on his own, then talk to your child’s offender yourself or go to his parents. If a child studies well and differs from his peers in exemplary behavior, you should think about transferring him to another school, where the level of knowledge of other children is also high.

Finding yourself in an environment where everything children they will be the same as him, they will stop calling him names and he will grow up in a calm environment. If the child himself behaves ridiculously and the fact that he is teased is associated with problems of his character, then transferring to another school is also not an option. At the new school, his new classmates will also start calling him names. In this case, it is necessary to re-educate the child himself and help him cope with problems in communicating with other children.

It happens that we can be offended and treated rudely even in the most seemingly inappropriate place, for example, in a store, where, in theory, “the customer is always right,” or in a clinic, in a bank, at work, in an educational institution, or just at home at home.

I saw a scene where a security guard ran into a young mother pushing a stroller with a baby and started yelling that it was forbidden to bring strollers into the store, although this was illegal.

Some people have such an atmosphere at work that it is unclear how they survive there. The boss can easily be rude or call his subordinate names, but the employees do not dare to object to him for fear of being thrown out of their positions.

If you were offended, spoken rudely or called names, you should not become despondent and throw your fists at the offender.

What to do if you were called names, rude, or rude:

You can simply remain silent, not react, grinning arrogantly. This method often has a discouraging effect on offenders, because their words did not have the desired effect.
Answer briefly: “You are rude and poorly mannered.” In some cases, you will put the offender into a stupor, put him in his place, and while he stands with his eyes bulging, you can leave the scene of the collision with your head held high.
Read a lecture to the rude person on the topic of polite behavior in society, or say: “Bunny, God bless you!” with a sweet smile.
If possible, be calm when you hear cacophonous remarks addressed to you, don’t shout or get in the way with your fists, this only shows how much the rude person’s words hurt you. It’s better to answer something like this with a smile: “Where does so much interest in my person come from?” “You don’t have your own personal life, have you decided to take part in someone else’s?”
Say this: “If your self-esteem is so low that you can only humiliate others by praising yourself, then I advise you to seek help and support from a psychologist, because people like you have no real friends.”
Answer to a boorish woman: “You are as smart and kind as you are beautiful.”
Of course, you can respond in kind and be rude in response, descending to the level of a rude offender, but by shouting your tirade back, you can relieve some of the overwhelming tension. However, this is the worst option.

Here are some other responses you can use when confronting your bully:

Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you;
I appreciated the depth of your thoughts, thank you!
Thank you for your attention to my personality and for taking the time to criticize it;
For God's sake, I don't feel sorry. I love being hated;
Is that all you wanted to say?
I had a better opinion of you;
Rudeness does not suit you at all;
Do you want a polite answer or the truth?
Why are you trying to look worse than you really are?

Depending on the situation, you can put into practice all of the above methods of dealing with boors and rude people; in particularly unpleasant situations, try making a witty joke or remark.

It’s sad, but it also happens that none of the above helps, especially for teenagers. Offenders may consider ignoring and silence as cowardice and weakness, and with even greater bitterness they continue to make fun of and mock the person. In this case, there is only one way through which you can earn the respect of your peers - to fight back against the offender. This will show that you are not afraid and are not going to continue to endure hurtful ridicule, name-calling and rudeness.

Unfortunately, we are not always able to orient ourselves in time and react correctly in situations where someone insults us. Subsequently, we become upset not only because of the very fact of other people’s insults, but also because we failed to give a proper rebuff. In many cases, you can avoid these upsets.

Many people make the mistake of clearly showing the other person that their words have offended them in some way. Of course, when we are insulted, it is not easy to control ourselves and not show that we are offended and “touched to the quick.” And yet, if you fail to cope with this task, then your opponent will understand that he managed to achieve his goal and truly insult you. No matter how difficult it is for you, try to make it clear to the person that his words do not bother you at all. The best way to help you with this is humor, which often helps you react quickly in unforeseen situations.

If you stock up on a few witty phrases, then, for sure, they will later be able to help you out at the right time.

Examples of such remarks:

Your words do not surprise me at all. I'd be surprised if you said something really smart.
And nature really has a great sense of humor, since it creates specimens like you!

How to respond to insults and aggression

How to behave when you are insulted

Situations may be different, so it is advisable to adjust your behavior in accordance with them.

For example, if you yourself have offended a person, and you understand that all his insults are just hurt pride and an attempt to take revenge for the insult, then it is better to remain silent. The interlocutor is likely in agony, and with additional remarks you will further aggravate the situation.
If you are being offended undeservedly or “out of the blue,” then your opponent probably wants to “blow off steam,” and it is quite possible that you simply fell into the hands of someone else. Of course, in this situation you should not be a “punching bag” - put the offender in his place!
If you are insulted by a person who is clearly in an inadequate state, then it is better not to have anything to do with him and not to get involved in a dialogue. We are talking about a person who is hysterical or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You will not be able to prove anything to such an interlocutor, and it is even quite likely that with your answers (any!) you will provoke him to a new stream of aggression or even the use of physical force. It is better to avoid communicating with such people, even if you are superior to them in physical parameters - you should not get involved in a skirmish that is unlikely to end in anything good.

Undoubtedly, such a situation is offensive for any person, and sometimes we do not know how to react to insults. There are times when it is better not to get involved in a conflict and simply ignore unpleasant remarks - for example, when they are uttered by a drunk or completely out of control person. It’s another matter when the interlocutor approaches this consciously. So, what caustic words can you respond to the words of a rude person?

Your imagination and intelligence are so primitive that these insults do not offend me at all.
It's amazing how easy it is for you to offend someone. Fate will do the same to you, you'll see.

In general, it is worth noting that most often boors deliberately try to provoke us to some kind of reaction. We often notice that someone else’s rudeness can arise completely out of nowhere, or the reason is so insignificant that an adequate person would not pay attention to it at all. It's just that boors cannot deprive themselves of the opportunity to offend someone.

Most often, in such cases, we are advised to ignore the attacks of an ill-wisher, and such recommendations are instilled in us from childhood. And yet, such advice, as a rule, has practically no effectiveness - in practice it often turns out that a person who has escaped punishment for his sabotage becomes even more impudent. If a boor is constantly ignored, then he subsequently becomes convinced that everything is allowed to him. Therefore, it is important to remember that we should never ignore the insults that sellers, administrators, cashiers and other random interlocutors “bestow” on us during their working hours. The most appropriate response to such behavior is to contact your superiors, whose task is to competently select personnel.

How to adequately respond to rudeness and rudeness

You may well get out of this situation gracefully if you calmly agree with the boor. This technique has a particularly disarming effect on some people. So, if someone is trying to insult your mental abilities or “take advantage” of your appearance, then half agree with these words, and then thank your opponent for taking the time to find your shortcomings. This method is very effective when spectators are present during its implementation. You will not insult the boor in return, but at the same time you will put him in an awkward position.

Many people are highly suspicious, and if you meet just such an instance on your way, then, of course, you can scare him with inevitable retribution “from above.” After the phrases below, the offender will remember the dialogue with you for a long time.

There is no desire to respond to these insults. However, the day will come when you will understand that all the misfortunes have been acquired by you, starting from this day.
It so happens that we pay for everything in this life. Remember this day to know why God is punishing you.
From now on, you'll have nothing but bad luck. I'm not scaring you, I just know about it.

How to intelligently send a person away without swearing

If you don’t want to swear in response to someone else’s unpleasant statements, but still think that you should fight back, then it’s quite possible to answer intelligently, but still put the person in his place.

They say that behind insults a person usually hides his complexes and inadequacy. Think about it.
It feels like insult is the only way you can assert yourself.

How to shut someone up with one beautiful phrase

Sometimes there is no desire to engage in a verbal altercation, and you want to shut the person up by uttering just one destructive remark. There are many such phrases, and they affect everyone differently. Here's an example:

They say that when a person is not particularly intelligent, the only thing he can do is stoop to insults.

When he insults his superiors

In this case, unfortunately, we do not always have the opportunity to respond the way we want, so the smartest thing to do would be to simply walk away from the conflict. If we are talking not about the boss, but about a colleague, then there is also no need to escalate the situation - try to answer neutrally.

This technique can also be useful at a time when your boss insults you: while the boss says unpleasant things to you, mentally imagine a small capricious child in his place. In your imagination, calm this baby down, pat him on the head, feed him milk porridge. This will make it much easier for you to listen to insults, and perhaps even your mood will not worsen. In addition, the boss will probably be able to appreciate your resilience.

"Buy an elephant" method

Many people remember a joke from childhood, when an opponent was asked to “buy an elephant,” thereby infuriating him and almost driving him into rage. You can do the same. To each barb, answer the same thing in a bored tone: “So?”, “And then that?”, “Really?” and in the same spirit. Undoubtedly, by the end of this monotonous conversation, the boor will experience a real decline in moral strength.

Improvisation

In a conversation with an insulter, try to use the effect of surprise, surprise and disarm him with this. For example, you may laugh out loud in response to unpleasant words, as if you had heard the funniest joke. You can also sneeze, noting: “Sorry, I’m just allergic to people like you.” In addition, you can smile good-naturedly and say: “Surely your parents are ashamed of your upbringing.” Try improvising!

If you understand that the insults addressed to you are completely unfair, and you guess that your opponent also suspects this, then you should shame him. How can I do that? The first thing you can do is use certain phrases. If the person insulting you is conscientious enough, then such words will be able to penetrate him.

Never stoop to insults without properly understanding the situation. This doesn't make you look good at all.
I hope the day comes when you are ashamed of everything you said.
It's strange that I had a much better opinion of you.
I hope you're just trying to look worse than you really are.

There is no doubt that the person trying to insult you simply wants to somehow assert himself or stand out. At the end of his monologue, you may well ask coldly: “Well, did you manage to assert yourself at my expense?”

In general, when communicating with such a person, sincerely try to understand what his true goal is, what he wants to achieve with his words. At these moments, it is not so important what exactly your opponent tells you, but why he does it.

If you cannot find an answer in a difficult situation, then at least try not to lead the matter to mutual insults and impulsive reactions. Don't play by the rules they try to force on you.

It is also important to learn to calmly respond to any rudeness without “losing face” and your sense of dignity. Although it is difficult not to admit that cultural treatment rarely makes a strong impression on a boor.

When it comes to trolling or other provoking situations, the best thing you can do is ignore such a person.

Correct response to insults

It happens that we want to respond, but you know in advance that any of your words simply will not have an effect on the offender. Of course, in this situation it is better not to waste words and energy, but simply abruptly end the dialogue.
It often happens that the person “attacking” you actually has nothing against you personally - he’s just in a bad mood. In this case, it is enough to ask him the question: “Bad day?” An adequate person will not argue with this, and it is even possible that he will apologize.
It is often better not to lead to retaliatory insults. Try to avoid this situation by asking your interlocutor what he told you. Pretend you didn't hear his words. It is quite possible that the person has already regretted what he said. If the “attack” continues, then, apparently, you have a rare boor in front of you.
During some dialogues, we are simply stifled by the desire to attack our interlocutor. And yet, be that as it may, it is very important not to get to this point - you will almost certainly regret it. Try to keep your mind calm. It will be ideal if you learn to parry with witty remarks and not show that the provocations offend you in any way.
It is impossible not to mention one of the most common mistakes made by people who were forced to face insults. It's about making excuses. Often, having heard offensive words, we try to prove to our opponent that he is being unfair to us. With such tactics, you will undoubtedly find yourself in a position of humiliation.

Insulted by a stranger

If a person is drunk or clearly out of his mind, then you should still ignore his words - just try not to notice him. If we are talking about a stranger who did not like something about your behavior, then try to understand the situation, and then act “according to the circumstances.”

Insulted by a loved one

Here it is important to immediately understand why the conflict situation occurred and what provoked it. It is better to prevent the spread of a further quarrel, and frankly tell your loved one that he offended you, and you are hurt by his words. Try not to hush up the conflict, but to talk frankly, clarifying the matter.

It happens that at moments when they try to offend us with insults, we frantically begin to scroll through possible responses in our thoughts. It becomes quite a shame if these efforts are in vain and a witty answer comes to our minds after the dialogue is over. Everyone knows the expression that “after a fight you don’t wave your fists,” so it is advisable to respond to your interlocutor’s caustic remarks in a timely manner.

So, let's look at some similar phrases that can help us in a difficult conversation:

I hate to interrupt you, but I have more important things to do. Are you done?
Should you answer politely or tell the truth?

Note that most often people who easily go to the extent of insulting their interlocutor, as a rule, do not have high intelligence, so smart answers often drive them into a stupor. What options can you use?

Examples:

I don’t know what your usual diet is, but this menu is clearly not particularly balanced, and contains harmful carcinogens - they are the ones who set out to destroy your brain cells!
Scientists have not yet fully studied the intellectual abilities of primates. Maybe you could leave your contacts, my friend, a researcher, will really need them. By the way, would you like to take part in a scientific experiment?

And yet, if possible, try not to respond to insults in the spirit of the insulter. Or at least don't become a conflict instigator! What kind of people tend to do this?

The face of a provocateur

A weak man who is actually a coward, and harsh words are his only defense.
An energy vampire who tries to bring out the negative emotions of his interlocutor, thereby “feeding” himself.
Boors without education, who had to grow up like “grass in a field.”
Aggressors who find it difficult to live a day without participating in some scandal.
Dysfunctional elements, such as drug addicts and alcoholics, who find it difficult to control themselves.
Just stupid people.

When you understand that an adequate and reasonable person will find a way to convey his message without swearing and insults, then it will be much easier for you to react to the antics of ordinary boors.