Dr. Komarovsky on how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib. How to painlessly teach a child to fall asleep on his own: self-falling asleep technique

Education is a complex and multifaceted process that requires certain knowledge and skills. Any education system is given the necessary stability and strength by timely formed habits. The building blocks of education are the habits of the child, and these bricks must be laid at the foundation of the building, but, without fail, they must be laid correctly and firmly.

Educating a child to sleep in his own crib is very often a bit of a challenge for new parents. The question of how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib usually begins to worry about the moment the baby is six months old.

If a baby is accustomed to sleeping with his mother from birth, then it will be much more difficult to develop the habit of falling asleep in a crib and getting comfortable in a new place.

According to experts who are accustomed to sleeping with parents from the birth of babies, it should be taught from 6-8 months, since feedings stop at night, and the child can sleep peacefully during the night.

At this stage, the child begins to roll over on his own, he is quite dexterous in movements, he has already developed certain motor skills, and this process does not need to be controlled.

If the baby is not used to sleeping separately by 8 months, do not despair, at any age you can develop this habit, you need to show consistency and some firmness. If the baby is put in the crib, and the next time the parents again allow to sleep with them, then such a “method” forms bewilderment in the child.

Certain prerequisites must be met in order to find out with using what methods and how to teach a child to sleep in his crib:

How to teach a child under 1 year old to fall asleep on his own

Baby aged 1-4 weeks

During this period, the baby does not need to be trained. It is necessary to develop ways to quickly and easily fall asleep the baby.

What methods will help to normalize the sleep of a baby of this age:

Baby at 2-3 months

A baby up to a month old needs to be near the mother, so at this age it is too early to accustom to the crib. After the completion of the neonatal period, from 2-3 months, it is necessary to gradually wean from motion sickness. Until one year, it is necessary to accustom him to independent rapid falling asleep.

To understand how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib, you need to study the mental and individual characteristics of young children, to know the biological and psychological patterns of growth and development of children.

What conditions are necessary for the effective process of developing a habit in a baby to quickly and easily fall asleep in his bed:

Spock's sleep technique

The well-known pediatrician Benjamin Spock created a technique for self-falling asleep for a child up to 1 year old. Each mother decides for herself how to teach a child to sleep in her own crib, whether to use this rather controversial method or choose a different way to put her baby to sleep.

The technique involves leaving the child alone in the room and returning to him after a period of time. Moreover, the duration of the mother's absence increases each subsequent time during the day and each subsequent day by two minutes.

For example, if on the first day, when the baby falls asleep for the first time, the mother was absent for a minute, then on the second falling asleep, 3 minutes will be absent, and on the third and subsequent - 5 minutes.

On the second day, respectively, the first falling asleep will be accompanied by the absence of the mother for three minutes, the second - five, the third and subsequent - seven minutes. In the same way, the weekly regimen of self-falling asleep is calculated.

If the baby cries in the process of falling asleep, the mother should come up for the first time after a minute, calm down and leave. If the baby cries again, mom comes up after three minutes.

To many, this technique seems unacceptable. However, she teaches the baby to fall asleep on his own, and after a week, positive results appear.

The Dr. Esteville Method: 7 Steps to Self-Sleeping

From an early age, the child should be introduced to the routine of the family. One of the components of the general regimen is the skill of independent sleep. Many parents in this matter resort to the application of the method of Professor Esteville. This method can help moms learn how to get their baby to sleep in the crib.

Estiville developed a table showing the time intervals after which the mother approaches the baby. If the mother came up to the crying baby, then the next time the child cries, she should come to him after a minute. Then - after three minutes, and if the baby has not calmed down, then every five minutes until he falls asleep.

The sequence when using this technique will allow you to accustom the baby to fall asleep alone in the shortest possible time.

How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib at 2-3 years old

The baby must learn to sleep in his own bed before the age of one, later it will be somewhat more difficult to accustom to this. Naturally, he must know about the presence of his mother nearby and her immediate help, he must be sure that frightening loneliness and fear can be overcome.

Parents are obliged to help the crumbs in confronting stressful situations. Separation from the mother is a kind of first acquaintance with the concept of independence. For a child, this period is considered a stage of psychological maturation.

How to properly approach this difficult situation:

• Step 1. We develop a schedule. For an independent quick departure of the child to sleep, it is not so important to observe everything clearly by the clock. Much more important is the development of a specific course of action. Let preparation for sleep be accompanied by bathing, massage, feeding, listening to a fairy tale or song. It will take days, perhaps weeks, to develop the habit of such a routine, but it will be imprinted in the child's psyche that the sequence of certain actions leads to a fast sound sleep.

• Graduality is the key to success. You will have to gradually learn to be independent. You can use an extra bed, which over time can be moved away from the bed of the parents.
• Learning to sleep in a crib during the day. A fragile and defenseless creature - this is how a newborn seems to young mothers and fathers. Therefore, many prefer to put the baby to sleep with them. But the child perceives this as a completely natural situation. If they try to lay him separately, this will cause protest and indignation in him. From an early age, you need to accustom to your own bed. If you put a child of 2-3 years old in his bed during the day, this will effectively help the process of getting used to independent sleep, with mandatory walks before going to bed, outdoor games, after which the child gets tired and falls asleep easily.
• Choosing the right bed. The reluctance to sleep separately may be due to the inconvenience of the baby's bed. The side bed is very comfortable, it is a cradle without one side. Special fasteners are designed to secure the crib at the same level as the parent's bed. That is, the child, lying in his bed, is at the same time in close proximity to his mother.
  
• Toys are the best helpers. Soft toys play an important role in a child's life. The child communicates with the toy as with a living being, feels responsible and at the same time secure. This fact is effectively used when accustoming the baby to sleep in his own bed.
  
• Sleep rituals. For a good healthy sleep of the baby, it is necessary to observe the daily regimen. All events and actions during the day should be clearly ordered so that the baby is sure of the constancy of his life. Massage, bathing before going to bed, feeding, reading a fairy tale - everything has a beneficial effect on a child's sleep.

  Playing games before bed will help to teach the child to sleep in his crib

• Visiting trip. With children 2-3 years old, you can go on a visit, to a rest home, where the baby will sleep separately from his mother. Be sure to explain to the child in advance that in a new place he will have to sleep alone. Throughout the day, the child is given maximum attention, he should be busy with games, not be bored, so that he does not want to return home. No need to give in to the requests of the baby to go to bed together. The result of the sequence of parents in a few days will be a habit that is persistently instilled in the baby.

When Not to Force Your Baby to Sleep Alone

For some reasons, developing the habit of independent sleep needs to be delayed:

Children who have at least one of the listed signs need more prolonged contact with their mother: they have more need for joint sleep than their peers.

Very vulnerable for the baby is the stage of teething, as well as the period after the illness or the beginning of attending kindergarten. These events are stressful for the unformed psyche of the child, and at such moments he needs additional attention from his parents.

We warn of possible errors

It is necessary to take into account the essential fact that the mother's anxiety and her psychological resistance are transmitted to the baby.

There are a number of common mistakes that interfere with the process of getting used to the child's own bed:

• Intimidation of a child;
• Refusal to turn on the light;
• Inconsistency in the requirements of parents regarding the baby;
• Talking in "high tones" about the child's refusal to sleep separately;
• Ignoring or mocking the manifestations of children's fears;
• Discussing the situation with other people, with loved ones, in the presence of the child;
• Ignoring crying after the baby wakes up or, conversely, running up to him at the first call.
• Allowing a baby already accustomed to his crib, by manipulating the feelings of the parents, to go to the parent's bed (with the exception of the child's illness).

If the question of accustoming the baby to his own bed causes difficulties for parents, then you should resort to the help of qualified specialists: psychologists and pediatricians.

Changes and restructuring in a child's life are a test for him and his parents. This also applies to the question of how to teach a child to sleep in his crib. How long does it take for the baby to get used to the innovation?

It depends on individual characteristics and age. The manifestation of perseverance and haste in this matter will only harm the process of adaptation. If the baby needs attention and care, he wants to feel the closeness of his mother, you need to negotiate with him, gradually reducing the time spent nearby.

It is important to observe certain conditions and rules that would certainly come from the interests of the child himself and would be necessarily developed taking into account the characteristics of the child's psyche.

Armed with the help of specialists with knowledge, it is easier and more accessible for parents to turn the development of any habit in a baby into a painless comfortable process. And, of course, the universal remedy in relations with children is undoubtedly enormous parental love and patience, savvy with the necessary knowledge about the subtle organization of an amazing child's soul.

Video on how to teach a child to sleep in a crib

Komarovsky will tell you how to wean a child from co-sleeping:

Why does even a very tired baby falling asleep in your arms start crying when he suddenly finds himself alone in the crib? And why does an older child rarely go to sleep on his own and sometimes fall asleep right during the game, one might say, against his will?

Every little one craves most of all the closeness of his parents. Being alone in bed means for him to part with his parents, no longer feel their soothing closeness and native warmth. Of course, a rare kid will agree to this without protest, especially if he is spoiled by parental attention during the day and “does not get away with it”.

Often, the baby falls asleep while breastfeeding or in the arms of her mother. Having once noticed that as soon as he falls asleep, how his mother tries to carefully shift him into a crib, the baby will next time resist sleep with all his might so as not to miss this moment. When he falls asleep, he will sleep very sensitively. Feeling how you shift him to the crib, he will immediately wake up and express his disagreement with a loud cry. Try to sleep yourself if you know, for example, that as soon as you close your eyes, someone will steal your blanket ...

Maybe the baby happened to wake up at night in a crib with a wet, cold, hungry or frightened terrible dream. He felt lonely and forgotten, and he had to wait longer for his mother to come than during the day. After such an experience, the baby may experience a subconscious fear of sleep and protest when he is alone in his crib.

Very often the baby we are trying to put to sleep is just not tired enough yet.

For an older child, going to bed means leaving some interesting activity, finishing a game, saying goodbye to guests sitting in the next room, etc.

Knowing that parents or older brothers and sisters do not go to bed yet, the baby does not want to accept such “injustice”.
Some children are afraid of the dark.

Sometimes kids don't want to go to bed just because we spoiled them. The child uses the evening persuasion of the parents to prolong the time, or they serve him as an occasion for self-affirmation.

So, five-year-old Verochka came up with a new reason every evening to stay up. Now she was thirsty, then she could not find her favorite toy, then the pillow moved to one side. On other days, she called her mother because she forgot to kiss her goodnight or ask her about something important. Sometimes Vera's pajamas slipped off, sometimes she was too hot or cold. From time to time she heard strange noises in the room or saw shadows moving along the wall. On some days, she wanted to go to the toilet several times in a row or an empty stomach would not let the girl fall asleep. Either something itched in Vera, or it hurt ... But in fact, the girl simply enjoyed the attention of her mother, who returned several times every evening to her daughter's room and reassured her.

If many children are afraid of the dark, then Sashenka was afraid of silence. Parents did not know this for a long time and unsuccessfully tried to teach the boy to fall asleep alone in his room behind a closed door. Once, as usual, after closing the door to his room, my mother went to the kitchen. To her surprise, she did not hear the usual cries and protests this time. Thinking that the baby had finally learned to fall asleep alone, mom did her homework - she washed the dishes, cleaned them, boiled tea, etc. When she finished her chores and went to see if her son was really sleeping, she found that the door to the children's room was wide open open and the boy is sleeping peacefully in his bed. Sasha learned to get out of the crib and opened the door on his own! And the clatter of dishes, the splash of water and the noise of a boiling kettle meant for him that his mother was nearby and, therefore, he could sleep peacefully ...

Sometimes it may turn out that helping your baby fall asleep is easier than you thought. So, timid children can be calmed by a nightlight or an open door to the children's room, and older children fall asleep more readily if they are allowed to go to bed an hour later.

How to get your little one to fall asleep on their own

It is possible to teach a child to fall asleep without the help of parents and without any aids at any age. But babies aged 1.5 to 3 months get used to it most easily. Therefore, it is better to start with accustoming gradually from birth, while the child is not yet accustomed to various kinds of unfavorable rituals, from which it is not so easy to wean him later. If such habits have already developed, parents will need a little more patience, because the baby is unlikely to give them up voluntarily. But even in this case, the problem is completely solvable, and it will most likely take no more than a week to solve it!

1. To teach a baby to fall asleep on its own, from the very beginning it is necessary to put him alone in a crib as often as possible, nevertheless remaining next to him. If you carry the baby in your arms all day or rock him in the stroller during the day, then, being alone in a motionless bed, he will feel insecure. This feeling will be unusual for the baby, and he is unlikely to be able to sleep peacefully. Accustomed to the crib, the baby feels calm there, and in a familiar environment, any child falls asleep better.
2. Putting a baby alone in a crib does not mean leaving him there for a long time, especially if he cries. No, of course, a crying child needs to be calmed down. But once he's stopped crying, don't carry him around. Put him down again so that he can see you or hear your voice. Talk to him, sing to him, but leave him in the crib so that he gradually gets used to it. Among other things, the child will learn to deal with himself in this way: look at his hands or play with them, look around, listen to the sounds around him, etc. Well, you yourself will have time to redo more things that you would not have had time if you had the baby was in your arms all the time.
3. If the baby at first falls asleep only on your chest, it's okay. You don't need to wake him up. For starters, it will be enough if he gets used to his bed while awake. When he has a regimen with a certain sleep time, you need to gradually begin to separate food and sleep. Babies who like to fall asleep on the breast or with a bottle are best fed when they wake up, or at least some time before bedtime. And by the time when the baby usually falls asleep, you need to put him alone in the crib. By this time, he is already tired and his "internal clock" has switched to sleep, so it will be easier for him to fall asleep without your help.
4. At first, it is not necessary to put the child alone in the crib before going to bed every time. You can start with once or twice a day, at the very time when, in your experience, the baby falls asleep most easily. For most children, it is evening, but there are children who fall asleep faster in the morning or afternoon. The main thing is that you and the baby feel that falling asleep on their own is, in principle, possible. Then it will become a habit - it's just a matter of time.
5. But what if you put the baby in the crib before going to bed and he starts to cry bitterly? Try to calm him down first without picking him up. Pet him, sing a song, talk to him, tell him how much you love him. Explain that it's time for bed to gain new strength, that you are there and will protect the baby while he sleeps. If the baby is still crying, pick him up. But as soon as he calms down, put him back in the crib. Crying again - try to calm down again without picking up, and only then, if all in vain, take the baby out of the crib. Maybe he is still too small and it is worth waiting a couple of weeks, so that then again carefully begin to accustom him to falling asleep on his own.
6. Some babies are helped to sleep by a pacifier. But as soon as the baby is sound asleep, carefully remove the pacifier from his mouth, otherwise he will wake up when he loses it in his sleep. And if the baby, waking up at night, is looking for a pacifier and cries, then it can become an effective help only when he learns to find it himself.
7. Babies sleep better in their first months of life if they rest the top of their head against a rolled-up diaper, pillow, or backboard protected by a blanket. It reminds them of the feeling in the womb. (My daughter loved this feeling even in her older years. I always covered the top headboard with a blanket, and my daughter fit on the very top of the pillow to rest her head on the back.)
8. You can also swaddle the baby tighter before going to bed, which will also remind him of crampedness before birth. And when the baby gets older, a sleeping bag or a mother's shirt tied at the bottom with a knot can help him.
9. Mother's smell generally has a calming effect on babies, and you can just put something from mom's (worn) clothes next to the baby's head.
10. But do not forget that the main condition for the child to fall asleep on his own is the right time for bedtime. The kid must really get tired, otherwise attempts to put him down will not be successful. The easiest way to do this is if you have already introduced a strict daily routine. In this case, you know in advance when the “internal clock” of the child will switch to sleep. If not, then you will have to rely on your intuition and experience. A tired baby begins to yawn, rub his eyes or act up for no reason. Try to guess the best moment, when his eyes are already closing by themselves, to put him alone in the crib.

The first months of his life, the baby sleeps most of the day. He has no problems falling asleep at this time. The newborn wakes up to eat and look at the outside world. He usually falls asleep quickly after breastfeeding. Time passes, the child grows and it becomes necessary to put him to sleep on his own. Children older than a year sleep restlessly, wake up and ask to be fed to calm them down. How to put a baby to sleep without breastfeeding? This article will discuss the causes of the current situation and methods for its solution.

Should I wean my baby from falling asleep at the breast?

If the baby falls asleep immediately after feeding, then you should not retrain him while the baby is too small.

Per month? Some mothers deliberately do not allow the newborn to fall asleep under the breast, but resort to rocking. After all, this has its drawbacks. Until the age of 1-1.2 years, the process of sucking is important for the child, because he has not yet completely switched to adult food, and alternative methods of falling asleep are not always suitable for the baby.

Sound sleep is necessary for a child to develop harmoniously. Improper organization of sleep, and unsuccessful attempts to get him to sleep can lead to sleepless nights. This is fraught with serious health problems for both the child and the mother.

Chronic lack of sleep can lead to a slowdown in the development of the child, the deterioration of his memory and whims. The mother may have a nervous breakdown.

It is not necessary to immediately wean from falling asleep under the breast, it is important that this happens in stages.

Why is it necessary to gradually stop feeding before bedtime?

Why can't a baby sleep without a breast? During pregnancy, mother and child feel complete unity with each other. When a baby is born, the connection does not disappear, but becomes stronger. The mother breastfeeds the child, showing her love and care. Many women get great pleasure from this process. The baby grows and becomes more independent. Gradually, his diet changes, various mixtures and cereals appear in it. At the same time, one breastfeeding lasts longer than usual, because this is the opportunity for the child to receive the love and care of his mother. Such feelings are very important for the baby, but his constant attachment to the breast becomes a real problem for her.

Weaning can be accompanied by tantrums and tears for the baby, and for the mother - the inability to put to sleep without a breast on sleepless nights. There is a vicious circle.

How to put a baby to sleep without breastfeeding? It is important to help the baby fall asleep on his own, which will be the next stage in his development and will help the mother to rest at night.

Why does the baby fall asleep with the breast?

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own in a crib? In the first time after birth, the baby constantly falls asleep with the breast. Thus, he feels protected. Gradually, falling asleep with the breast turns into a ritual, without which the child cannot do.

Why can't a baby sleep without a breast? Sometimes sucking turns into an emotional need, which is caused not so much by hunger, but by other factors:

• After meeting many people, traveling and visiting.
• Changing the routine of the day. Feeding and rest should be carried out at a certain time.
• Colds or pain during teething.
• Frequent family conflicts. After all, the baby is emotionally connected with the mother, therefore, she feels all the swings in her mood.
• With a lack of mother's attention (work, illness), the newborn tries to compensate for this by all available means.
• If the child is overworked, then he begins to cry and act up, and cannot fall asleep without a breast.
• Discomfort arising from the operation of household appliances, extraneous noise.

All of these reasons make the baby need to breastfeed in order to feel secure. Parents need to understand this in order to teach the baby to sleep on their own.

What is the daily routine for?

One of the most important steps is to organize the alternation of the period of sleep and wakefulness in a child. When a baby eats for a long time and goes to bed at the same time, he gets used to such a daily routine, and is more disposed to the expected behavior from him.

How to put a baby to sleep? To do this, you need to start with a feeding regimen. Already in the year the child begins to eat food from an adult table. Therefore, the family can start eating at the same time. Having set the hours of the meal, you need to decide on the time of sleep. Gradually, the child's body will ask to sleep itself, which will allow the mother to choose the right moment for this.

Compliance with the daily routine will simplify the task of weaning the baby from the breast.

How can I help my baby fall asleep on his own?

Before a night's rest, mom should create a kind of ritual. For example, you can remove toys together with the baby, this will mean that the time for games is over and it is time for bed. Along the way, you can bring up independence and discipline in an infant. In the afternoon, before going to bed, it is best to take a walk in the fresh air. Before a night's rest, you can take a bath. Here the baby will spend his energy, enjoy water procedures.

How to put a baby to sleep without breastfeeding? Mom can sit next to the baby and apply a few little tricks:

1. Motion sickness. This is not the best way, because later the baby will have to be weaned from the motion sickness process itself. If you stop doing this until a deep sleep occurs and put a sleeping child in a crib, then he will wake up and he will need to carry out motion sickness in a new way.
2. Lay the baby in the crib and stroke the head, avoiding the fontanel area.
3. You can take the baby in your arms, press it to your chest and give a pacifier. The baby will feel protected and fall asleep peacefully.
4. White noise is a great sleep aid. It can be the sound of the surf, the rustle of leaves, etc.
5. You can tell your baby a story or sing a lullaby, which is more suitable for older children.
6. Sometimes mom resorts to a calm conversation with the baby. The voice should be quiet and monotonous, you can talk about everything in the world and even sometimes ask questions.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own in a crib? To teach a baby to sleep on his own, you can put a soft toy next to him. It is best when he falls asleep in his crib, which will allow him to get used to his room in the future. You should not instruct your loved ones to put the child to bed. It is best to do this to the mother herself, without leaving the baby. Then he will gain confidence that a loved one is nearby and will fall asleep peacefully.

daytime sleep

How to put a baby to sleep without breastfeeding during the day? It is best to feed the baby not in bed, but on a chair or armchair. The first attempts to put the baby to sleep on their own are best done during the day.

During daylight hours, the child is busy with games, walks, so you can catch the moment when the child wants to sleep and put him to bed. Having fallen asleep like this once, the child will be able to do it again on his own. Gradually, this process will become a habit and putting the baby to bed will no longer cause trouble for parents.

How to put a baby to sleep during the day? Parents should understand that from the first time the baby will not constantly sleep in his crib. It will take a lot of effort and time to teach the child to sleep on his own.

How to deal with night sleep?

How to stop feeding your baby before bed? If the baby falls asleep on its own several times during the day, then parents can try to do this at night. It is important that before going to bed the child is full. Pediatricians advise to feed the baby tightly at 6 pm with dinner, and just before a night's rest, give baby kefir, milk or yogurt. It can be not only a drink, but also porridge. It is important that the child does not go to bed with a full stomach.

Before going to bed, you need to take a bath, the temperature of which should be no more than 34-36 degrees. Cool water will help the baby fall asleep faster. Soothing herbs can be added to the bath: chamomile, lemon balm, string or chamomile. This is done if the child is not allergic to these plants.

After all the procedures, you can put the child to sleep by repeating the ritual used during the day. To do this, mom can sing a song or read a fairy tale.

To help your child sleep soundly at night, the following tips should be adopted:

• set the exact time when the baby will go to bed;
• determine the place where his dream will take place;
• if the child sleeps for a long time during the day, then it is better not to allow this and wake him up;
• the temperature in the room should not be more than 22 degrees, and the humidity should not exceed 70%;
• the mattress of the child should be hard, and the pillow should not be up to 2 years;
• for a sleeping baby, you need to choose a high-quality night diaper;
• An active day for a baby helps him fall asleep quickly.

Sometimes the child wakes up at night, what measures should parents take in this case? There are a few simple guidelines.

Baby wake up at night

How to put a child to sleep at night? If the baby woke up late and does not want to sleep:

1. When a child wakes up in the middle of the night and cries, he may have a stomach ache. You need to put it on the changing table and do exercises that relieve gases. You can give a special medicine for colic.
2. The body temperature has increased, sometimes it occurs when teeth appear or with a cold.
3. A stuffy nose often prevents a baby from sleeping. It is necessary to clean it, drip saline solution.
4. You can again try to put the baby to sleep by rocking it a little.
5. The baby can be fed, so you do not need to completely abandon night feedings.
6. If the child is not hungry, then you need to give him a pacifier.

Babies sometimes confuse day and night, so parents need to choose the right tactics so that the child sleeps soundly at night.

Night feedings

When the baby learns to fall asleep on its own, the mother can stop breastfeeding completely. This is not a prerequisite, every family has a choice. It is important to understand that stopping night feedings will result in a lack of milk. At this time, the mother's body receives information about how much milk her baby will need. Therefore, night feedings should be completed last. In this case, parents must make the right decision.

How to put a baby to sleep without breastfeeding? When the baby learns to fall asleep on his own, the need for mother's milk will disappear completely. However, you need to understand that for young children, breast sucking is not only an instinct, but the need for stronger contact with the mother. Therefore, stopping night feedings, a woman should make up for the lack of close communication with the baby.

How to put a newborn baby to sleep? This is quite difficult to do, but if everything is done calmly and consistently, then you can succeed. Parents should know what not to do so as not to harm the baby's nervous system:

• Screaming at the baby. After all, he himself is very upset because they do not give him breasts. Nothing in the world can replace this loss for a child.
• Say that he has already grown up, so he should not suckle the breast. The baby will begin to think that when he grows up, something else can be taken away from him. It is better to say that the mother does not have milk.
• Do not start weaning if the baby is sick. After all, he is already so bad, and the main method of consolation remains the mother's breast. In addition, there are antibodies in the milk that will help the child cope with the disease.
• Leave it with strangers. After all, a child must understand that even if he does not suckle, his mother will always be with him.
• Give in to the baby's demands. In the first time after weaning, he will throw tantrums, hoping for the return of feedings. Mom should not make concessions, because in this case the child will understand that there is an alternative.

If, before the end of night feedings, the baby slept in his crib, then the mother should not transfer him to her own. Otherwise, you will have to go through such a complicated procedure again as returning the child to the crib.

The main thing is that during this entire period, the mother is completely calm. After all, children feel her emotional state, and anxiety can be transmitted to the baby himself. A calm and friendly mother for a child means that the situation is normal and nothing terrible is happening.

It takes a lot of perseverance and patience to teach a baby to sleep without breastfeeding. The whole process should take place gradually and consistently. If you teach a baby to fall asleep without mother's milk, then later he endures complete weaning calmly. During this period, parents, and especially the mother, should behave with restraint, which will also affect the child in the same way. As a result, the baby will quickly fall asleep on its own and will not wake up at night.

All parents want their children to sleep peacefully and through the night without waking up. But adults do not always take into account the peculiarities of the child's psyche and its abilities relative to age. Falling asleep on your own, like any other skill, needs to be mastered by age. When the child is physiologically ready for this.

• The child is not yet ready for this physiologically and psychologically.
• Success in learning at such an early age does not guarantee the ability to fall asleep independently after six months
• Inaccurate application of SP teaching methods can become unsafe and harm the mother-child relationship

For the first six months, the baby is completely dependent on the adult.

Emotionally and physically, the baby depends on a significant adult, more often on the mother. In the process of emotional communication, care for the baby, feeding, an emotional connection and closeness with the baby is formed. It also depends on how his needs for food, warmth, changing diapers and communication are met. Attachment for the first six months is formed in close tactile and emotional contact with the mother, which is important to consider.

At an early age, the baby still does not know how to calm down on his own, he still needs the help of an adult when falling asleep.

What do you think "independence" means? What can a baby do on his own at such an early age? What independence in 2 months? But, undoubtedly, with age, the independence of the child grows and manifests itself in his new motor skills.

For about six months, the baby is faced with psychological separation - the process of natural separation of the mother from the child and him from the mother, which also indicates the growing up of the child. This is a two-way process. Not only does the baby move away from the mother - he can already crawl away, for example, but the mother also allows him to do this in a safe environment and next to her. So the baby masters the space, learns the world around him, gets acquainted with new emotions and impressions from the fact that he began to look differently at the world and the loved ones who surround him - no longer lying on his back, but in a coup or on his stomach. And here it is very important how much the adult stimulates and encourages these impulses of independence, and, accordingly, the growing up of the baby. After all, it happens that a child at 6-7 months old is ready to do something himself, but the parents are not ready for this: they are afraid, protect the baby from a lot, do something for him, although he already knows how to do it himself. In such a situation, it is important for adults to deal with the questions: “Why is this convenient for me?”, “My baby’s independence is what for me?”.

Sometimes, in that the mother is not psychologically ready for the fact that her baby has matured, the mother begins to feel in some situations not as significant as before, there is a feeling that the child no longer needs her so much. Such experiences have various hidden psychological reasons: a difficult relationship with a spouse, a search for affection in caring for a baby, a difficult relationship with mom and then the fear of “not giving back” something to her little treasure, and maybe mom herself in such a relationship with child feels special and most significant.

But the independence of the baby and his growing up do not make the mother less significant, sometimes on the contrary, in order to pass, the baby first needs mother's support - he sticks to his mother, is constantly in her arms, does not let go of her hand in order to get safety, take a step forward and " let go" mom until the next crisis event.

And at each age stage of the child, mother's love will manifest itself in different actions and deeds. Even when a mother stops breastfeeding, she does not become less important to her baby. She does not begin to love him less, just as he loves her. And with age, other manifestations of mother's love and care develop. Think about how you care about the baby? Remember, is this love and care different now from the one that was at an early age of the baby? Are there new ways to say and show your warm feelings to a child?

Why do we recommend self-sleep training after 6 months?

At about 6 months, the baby becomes more mobile, he is already actively turning over and learning to crawl. By 6-7 months, self-regulation processes begin to start, which allows the baby to learn new ways of calming and find his own.

At this age, actions unrelated to the presence of an adult at the time of falling asleep can act as self-soothing: children can fall asleep on their own if there is sometimes a pacifier, a sleepy pet, thumb sucking, “squeezing” a blanket, “purring” under their breath “lullabies-mantras” .

By 6-8 months it is important to develop independence, to contribute to the maturation of the child, to encourage this. And - this is like any other skill that can and should be taught to a child if he is ready and healthy (IMPORTANT! To exclude medical reasons, we recommend contacting a pediatrician).

What can help at this age prepare the child to fall asleep on his own?

1. Check sleep conditions. Do not be afraid to create ideal conditions for sleep and stop worrying that this will prevent your baby from sleeping at the slightest rustle in the future. Usually such exactingness to sleep conditions concerns very sensitive babies. Remember that it is important for children to create comfortable conditions for sleep. Children more than adults need ventilation and coolness. room at bedtime, do not worry that this will confuse the child. Darkness helps to sleep better, because the "sleep hormone" begins to be actively produced in the dark, so it is easier for children to relax their eye muscles and keep their eyelids closed. In addition, children are less distracted by examining and studying the environment.

1. Rituals. How much we write about It's so simple, and so effective, yet many parents ignore the importance of bedtime rituals. Why do rituals work? The child needs consistency and predictability. When the same actions are repeated every night before going to bed, it helps to tune in to sleep and be ready for it. This predictability is soothing and relaxing. You can try introducing the rituals gradually. Add more relaxing activities before bed, think about what kind of quiet activities are pleasant for both you and your baby. Try to enjoy the process yourself. Enjoy the time you spend alone with your baby, fully devoting yourself to each other. And remember that with age, the rituals for falling asleep are supplemented and saturated - what you did with a 5-month-old baby will already be boring for a 1-year-old baby.

1. Choose your comfort mode. By 5-6 months, it begins to form with 3-4 daytime sleeps. At this age, you can try to fix the time of bedtime and morning awakening, as well as the first morning sleep 1-1.5 hours after getting up. Watch your baby, focusing not only on, but also on the signs of fatigue of your baby, on his. Record and analyze your observations. They will help you build an individual regimen for your child. But remember that waking time increases with age and the regime gradually changes. Be prepared for this. In the evening, you can search for a comfortable bedtime for several days. We call this time the "sleep window" - the beginning of the production of the "sleep hormone" melatonin, the time when the child falls asleep faster and easier. This will make it easier for you to go to bed and reduce the time it takes you to fall asleep.

1. Daytime nap in bed. The recommendation to avoid primarily concerns morning naps (first nap) and afternoon naps (second nap). Sleeping in a stroller is a poor-quality sleep that does not allow the baby to rest properly. It is important to gradually accustom the child to sleep in First form a positive attitude towards the crib, then try to organize the first sleep in bed, and after that the afternoon nap. After a few days, you can sometimes shift the child to sleep - sleepy, ready to sleep on one of the dreams in his crib. It is important to teach not only to wake up in your bed, but also to fall asleep, to teach you to be aware of the moment of falling asleep in your bed.

1. Gradually reduce yours while the baby falls asleep: swing a little less, stroke, sing.

1. Remember that during the regression period of 7-10 months it is better not to accept hard rules. Start teaching SZ when the child has gone through a sleep regression.

Remember that the effectiveness of the child's education and how he falls asleep on his own largely depends on the psychological readiness and mood of the mother.

If the mother is not ready to teach the baby to fall asleep on his own

It may be that at 6-7 months of the baby, the mother is not ready to teach the child to fall asleep on her own. And that's okay, that's mom's choice. So it’s important for mom to work out some important topics, but for now it doesn’t suit her. Much depends on how comfortable the whole family is in the current situation with the child’s sleep and whether you want to change something. We always repeat - if everything suits you, then nothing needs to be changed!

It is important to understand that there are cultural differences and peculiarities of upbringing. In the West, the child becomes more independent faster, the relationship between mother and children is more restrained, the baby separates from the mother early, the mother herself separates from him psychologically and physically at an earlier age, mothers go to work earlier and send their children to kindergarten very early. For European and American mothers, there is no internal conflict or contradiction about this - this is acceptable and familiar to them. But mothers in the CIS and Russia often do not like such a sharp and early separation from the baby. In the Russian-speaking zone, mothers are more sacrificial, child-centrism becomes a real distinguishing feature - most mothers are not ready to go to work early and leave the baby with someone, most often mothers do not encourage the independence of the child, they are very protective and try to do a lot for him, because our children are a little later become independent. This is neither good nor bad. This is fine. And these cultural differences should be taken into account, otherwise the mother has an internal conflict that prevents her from achieving her goals: “I want to teach me to fall asleep on my own in a separate room, but I myself like to sleep with him so much and I’m afraid that he will lie there alone without me” - and as a result, the training stops at psychological work with my mother, her readiness.

In most cases, they help the mother find her inner resources, find a balance between "needs and wants", come to the golden mean between the personal desires of the mother and the needs of the child.

Sleep, Malysh consultants help parents overcome difficulties with children's sleep, prepare them for falling asleep on their own, undergo SZ training under the strict accompaniment of psychologists and specialists in children's sleep. which we use in our work was developed in America, but we adapted it for Russian-speaking mothers, taking into account cultural characteristics. The soft distance method helps to teach the baby to sleep on his own, with minimal mother's help and with a non-traumatic experience for the child.

And if the baby does not know how to sleep on his own and he constantly needs contact with his mother when falling asleep, then you can and should work with this - teach the baby to fall asleep on his own. It is the same skill as walking or talking. Someday a child will learn to do it himself, but with the help of an adult, he will be able to master a new skill faster and more efficiently.

Dear mothers! 2 days ago I found an interesting article on the site, in my opinion an excerpt from a book on how to teach a child to sleep on his own in 1 week. Anyway, here is the article. I wish everyone PATIENCE!!!
CHAPTER 1
The child does not sleep, respectively, we do not sleep either. What happens to those who don't get enough sleep? A baby is not a machine, and when you are discharged from the hospital, you are not given instructions for it, as, for example, when buying a washing machine. Then everyone starts giving advice to parents (relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.), especially if they hear the baby crying. Many say: "We must wait out the first months, then she will sleep like all children, where will she go." Many come up with reasons: at first he does not sleep, because he is too small, then because of his tummy, then because of his teeth, etc. Some give advice: "Leave crying, in the end he will calm down and fall asleep." Parents come up with all sorts of individual methods: carry in the car, leave to sleep under the TV, etc.
We must finally admit: sleep is a serious thing, and it must be treated from a professional point of view, since not all children learn to sleep on their own without outside help.
Effects of childhood sleep problems on young children
- often crying
- often in a bad mood
- feels not loved enough
- overly dependent on parents/grandmothers
- growth retardation is also possible
For a student
- lower performance compared to abilities
- lack of confidence as a personality trait
- timidity
- character problems
For the parents of such a child
- self-doubt (are we doing the right thing?)
- feelings of guilt (poor thing, maybe she is not sleeping because she is suffering from something, and we cannot help and then get even more angry)
- mutual accusations of parents that the other spoils the child
- Feeling confused about a problem
- Feeling like nothing can be done
- deep physical and moral fatigue
That is, the consequences of poor sleep are manifested in the behavior and character of the child.
The child does not sleep well - does not rest well - feels anxiety, small children do not calm down due to excessive fatigue, but, on the contrary, are excited. A tired child who wants to sleep almost never asks to go to bed on his own, but on the contrary, may demonstrate increased activity and excitability - often cries for no reason, easily gets into a bad mood and wants more attention from parents - begins to depend too much on who takes care of him. In the future, this can lead to the formation of an insecure and timid character, problems in communicating with others, reduced academic performance, etc.
The impact of poor sleep on health is not yet fully understood, but it has been clearly established that sometimes poor sleep can also lead to growth retardation, since growth hormones are produced during sleep (during the first hours of sleep)

Critical age 5 years. If a child has not learned to sleep well before the age of 5, in adulthood he has a high chance of having insomnia, 5 years is the border. At this age, the child already understands well what parents want. Many children at this age go to bed, do not cry, do not call their parents, but the problem is not resolved, as they continue to fall asleep with difficulty and wake up often, only now they keep it to themselves. In the worst cases, the child has nightmares and other nighttime problems and cries that he does not want to go to bed. From adolescence, insomnia remains for life.
Sometimes parents do not even understand the seriousness of this problem, it seems to them that everything will pass with age. In fact, 35% of children suffer from sleep problems before the age of 5. But these data are underestimated, since many parents believe that it is normal if a child from 6 months to 2-3 years old (and sometimes even further) does not want to go to sleep, wakes up 3-5 times at night, explaining this with hunger, a desire to drink, write, etc. Therefore, surveys often do not give correct results. 35% - the statistics of our center for the treatment of sleep problems.
From 6-7 months, the child is able to sleep alone in his room, in absolute darkness and for 10-12 hours without waking up and without requiring the presence of adults.
If your child is not sleeping as described above, it is natural for you to ask yourself: what is going on, what is wrong? Why isn't our baby sleeping then?
Forget the excuses you used before: gas (passes by 4-5 months), teeth, hunger, thirst, too much energy, went to kindergarten, etc. The reason is 98% one: Your child has not yet learned to sleep! Like this? -you ask. - What does it mean?
You will discover this in later chapters. If you literally follow all our instructions, then in less than one week your child will turn into a night sleeper.
Before you start reading the other chapters, you should convince yourself of the following things:
- your child is not sick (if he sleeps poorly, this is not a disease and it cannot be treated with medicines: valerian, motherwort decoctions, etc.)
- your child does not have any psychological problems (excuses like: wakes up because he feels parting with his parents, etc.)
your child is not spoiled (even if everyone tries to convince you otherwise). If he does not sleep well, this is by no means the consequences of being spoiled, even if this is expressed in the fact that he constantly requires the attention of his parents, wants to be lulled, rocked, carried in his arms, read to him, etc.
-If your child does not sleep well, it is not your fault.
Our book will help you teach your child to sleep.
The 3-4 hour cycle of an infant consists of the following elements; food-sleep-hygiene (change diapers, etc.) The order may change (hygiene-sleep-eating). Sometimes there are anarchist newborns. They do not even follow this simple pattern, that is, they fall asleep and wake up without any logic.
At about 3-4 months (sometimes even a little earlier), babies usually begin to adjust to a 24 (25) hour cycle, the so-called solar cycle. So he starts sleeping more at night. At first, the baby is able to sleep only 3-4 hours at night without waking up, then 5-6, then 7-8 and, finally, 10-12 hours. ATTENTION: there are no clear rules for the ratio of sleep duration with age, it all depends on the individual characteristics of your baby. This habituation to the adult cycle is associated with the development of a certain area of ​​the brain, conventionally called the "internal clock".
For the correct adjustment of this internal biological clock, certain external stimuli are needed (light-darkness, noise-silence, a meal schedule, certain habitual actions, etc.) Therefore, it is better for a newborn to sleep during the day with light light and little noise, and at night in silence and total darkness. So the child begins to get used to the difference between night and day.
Thus, the child must be surrounded by certain external stimuli for correct orientation. Briefly, it boils down to two aspects:
Parental behavior
-feeling of confidence
- calmness
- patience and desire to teach the child to sleep
- repeatability in evening procedures
External elements
-bed
-pacifier
-toy (bear, dog, doll, etc. with which you can sleep)
Parental behavior
The child is very sensitive to the internal psychological state of the parents. He perfectly understands if mom is nervous or worried about something. Therefore, when you put the baby in the crib, try to be as calm as possible for these half an hour and demonstrate with all your behavior that it cannot be otherwise, that it is natural and wonderful to go to sleep. You can't change the way you put him in the crib. Everything should always be almost the same (within reason). That is, at a certain hour, everything should be repeated: you bathe him, then feed him, then change his diapers for the night, put him in the crib, turn off the light, wish him good night and go out. The order of your actions may be different, the main thing is that it should be repeated every evening.
Repeatability gives the child confidence. He knows what will happen in 5-10 minutes, then in half an hour, and he feels safe. The kid is not alert, does not expect unforeseen surprises, and therefore calms down. If on different days the child is placed in the crib by different persons (mother, grandmother, etc.), adults should agree among themselves not to change the order of procedures and try to do everything as much as possible in the same way.
External elements
The child must associate certain things with sleep. If you put a baby to sleep by rocking him in your arms, he understands that rocking is a dream. Accordingly, as soon as you stop pumping it, it wakes up and in order to fall asleep again, it needs to be rocked. If the baby falls asleep at the breast, he gets used to the fact that food is a dream. And he will fall asleep only at the sissy or with a bottle in his mouth. Accordingly, as soon as he feels that there is nothing in his mouth, he will wake up. At night, everyone, adults and children wake up for a few seconds. Usually, a person then falls asleep and in the morning does not even remember about it. In older people, these awakenings can last longer than 30 seconds and reach 3-4 minutes. In a normal situation, a person remembers that he woke up only under exceptional circumstances. A normal child wakes up at night (for a few seconds) 5-8 times, and a child with problem sleep and more. If the child, when he opens his eyes for a moment, finds everything the same as it was when he fell asleep, he automatically falls asleep and sleeps on. If he is used to the fact that sleeping means riding around the house in a wheelchair, he will expect to be in a wheelchair and go around the house. If he fell asleep at his mother's breast, he will look for the breast. If he fell asleep in his father's arms, he will look for his father, etc. If, opening his eyes at night, the baby does not find exactly the same situation in which he fell asleep, he gets scared and cries to call his parents. In the worst case, he will not be able to fall asleep without repeating his favorite situation.
An example for you: you fell asleep in your bed. Open your eyes for a second at night and see that you are on the sofa in the living room. You jump on the couch: what happened??!!! Why am I here??? The same happens with the child. As you understand, the child needs external elements, and here - attention - the mistake of most parents is that they choose elements that require their presence. A child cannot make his own bottle, he cannot walk around the house in a stroller, etc. Therefore, these are incorrectly selected elements.
Therefore, it is necessary to choose elements that can stay with the child all night and that do not require our intervention. It can be a teddy bear, a pacifier, his pillow, a blanket. The child should always fall asleep only in his own bed, etc.
Let's talk about this in more detail later.
Things to Never Do When Trying to Put a Baby to Sleep (over 6 Months)
-sing
- rocking in the crib
- swing by hand
- rocking in a wheelchair
- carry by car
-touch him, give him a hand, let him touch us
- caress, pat on the head
- put parents in bed
- let him jump around the bed / room to exhaustion in the hope that then he will fall asleep faster
-give food and drink
Bottom line: Never actively help your child sleep. He must learn to fall asleep on his own.

A newborn sleeps differently than a 4-month-old baby, and he does not sleep like a 2-year-old baby. Sleep patterns develop over time with age. In this chapter, we will explain to you what to expect from your baby at a certain age. If you pay due attention to sleep and falling asleep from birth, you will not have problems in the future.
How to teach a newborn. The main thing you need to know is that the newborn sleeps as much as he needs - no less, no more. He can fall asleep anywhere and with any noise. As mentioned above, his cycle is usually 3-4 hours. Ate, slept, pooped, changed clothes, etc. If your newborn isn't following any pattern, don't worry - it's completely normal. At this stage, food and sleep are closely related, so the baby wakes up because he wants to eat and falls asleep because he is full. However, you need to be careful here: if the baby is crying, this does not necessarily mean that he is hungry (many mothers breastfeed right away, as this is the easiest way to calm the baby, but this is wrong). First (if the child has recently eaten - the interval should be 3-4 hours) try to find other reasons: is he hot? Cold? is he wet? wants to handle? tired of noisy society? tummy hurts? Only then give him the breast. If you breastfeed him every time he cries, the baby will get used to associating the breast with sleep and comfort. He will get used to the fact that in order to calm down, you need to eat. In just a few weeks, babies are able to eat more than they need. If you give him your milk, there is no medical problem, but it still leads to bad habits, since the feeling of sleep and hunger are controlled by the same part of the brain. In addition, such children grow up into adults who, when nervous, begin to eat everything in order to calm down. If you feed him artificial milk, too much feeding can lead to obesity in early childhood or adulthood.
It is not yet the time for hard scheduling. However, we advise you to show your child the difference between sleep and wakefulness. If he is not sleeping, take him in your arms, play with him, talk. If he is awake, try not to keep him in the crib. This will help him understand that the crib is a place to sleep (see the previous chapter on external elements).
During the day, put him to sleep in a light light, and at night do not leave a nightlight on. So the child will learn to understand the difference between night and day.
During the day, do not tiptoe, even if the baby is asleep, but at night, try not to make noise behind the wall or in the same room. During the day you can vacuum, play the piano, etc. In the evening, when the baby is already in the crib, turn down the volume on the TV, etc.
Bathe it before bed. Some parents prefer to bathe their baby in the morning, but if you are more comfortable doing it in the evening, the baby will have another external element associated with sleep. He will quickly get used to the fact that after the bath he goes to sleep.
Give him maximum sleep comfort. If he has just eaten, hold him upright so that he releases air from his stomach. Change his clothes, check that the crib is not too cold, that the room is about 20 degrees.
From birth, the baby should get used to sleeping on its own. Try not to rock him in your arms. Try not to associate food too much with sleep. However, if at this age it still doesn’t work out, don’t be upset. Your baby is still too young. Be guided by common sense. In any case, it is useless to leave the baby to cry for hours.
Many children start sleeping 5-7 hours a night and earlier, but by 3-4 months, all children should do this. At this age, the biological rhythm changes. If initially you did not follow any rules (rocked the child, gave him the breast to put him to sleep), now the time has come to gradually change these habits.
Remember:
- you must be calm at the time of laying the baby
-help him connect some external elements with the hour of going to bed, you need to do the same actions every night before going to bed. Remember that for a child, repetition means a sense of security.
This is the age when it is already necessary to decide at what time the baby should go to bed. From a biological point of view, sleep in children is easiest in the summer between 20.30 and 21.00, and in winter - from 20.00 to 20.30 Choose daily routines that you will then repeat every evening: bathing, changing diapers, 10 minutes of quiet games with dad, etc. .d. Pay attention to how your baby reacts to bathing - if he does not like water or is too excited, spend only short baths before bedtime, or move them altogether into the morning. It is better not to let the baby eat next to the crib to separate food-sleep. Spend a few minutes with your baby in another room (where he is awake), talk to him, play quiet games, etc. Then put him to bed with his things - you can choose what you want; teddy bear, doll, pacifier (preferably a few, then it will not be difficult to find at night, for example, tie 4 nipples to the edges of a large handkerchief) The main thing is that what you give him can stay with him all night and does not require your repeated intervention. Kiss the baby, wish him good night. Then leave the room while the baby is still awake.
If you do everything right, the baby will enjoy the time before bedtime, he will recognize him and go to bed without any problems. However, if your baby, despite your efforts, does not lend itself to “education”, do not worry: it is too early to talk about childhood insomnia before 6-7 months. It's just that your baby needs more time to transition to an adult cycle.
If he wakes up frequently during the night, check:
- are you sick?
- too wrapped up or cold?
- peed or pooped?
- Don't eat before going to bed? (if he is hungry, he should not eat at night, but the last meal should be larger)
Did your baby have gas (colic)? If so, he is used to waking up with stomach pain.
Help him. You can shake it, caress it and put it back in the crib. However, remember that your goal is to teach him to fall asleep on his own.
Attention: in the first weeks of life, the child never cries for no reason. Therefore, we must immediately try to understand what is the matter and help him. However, you will soon notice that the baby has different types of crying: he protests, he is hungry, he is wet, he is angry, he is bored, etc. Once you learn to distinguish crying for serious reasons from simple whimpering, do not run to your baby every time because of nonsense. Wait a few minutes - maybe he can fall asleep again.
From 6 months, any child should sleep less during the day (usually twice: after breakfast 1-2 hours and after dinner 2-3 hours) and more at night. At 7 months, the child should already have a meal-sleep schedule (eating 4-5 times a day, sleeping 10-12 hours at night without waking up).
If your baby is 6-7 months old, and he is not used to such a regime yet, start “education”.
Good for a 6-7 month old baby
- established regular meal-sleep schedule
- eat 4-5 times a day
- sleeps 10-12 hours at night
- goes to bed willingly and without problems
If your child fits this description perfectly, don't get too carried away, as all sorts of small details can easily ruin a good sleep habit in a young child. Try to maintain the regularity of food-sleep and the repetition of activities before going to bed.
From the age of 7-9 months, the baby will no longer fall asleep if he is too tired. At this age, children know how not to fall asleep, even if they are very tired. Sometimes because they want to stay longer with their parents, sometimes because they are too tired or excited, etc. Don't let yourself be fooled. Put the child to bed at the same time, repeating the same actions. Try not to stretch your actions to put the baby to bed for an hour (baby's dream). Children who already know how to speak quickly learn to bribe their parents: one more kiss, read another fairy tale, just one, etc., I'm thirsty, I want to write... . Do not read anything interesting and exciting to him at night! It prevents him from falling asleep!
After a year, the baby gradually moves from two daytime naps to one. This is a difficult time, as there is a period when one dream is not enough, and two is a lot, but the problem disappears in 1-2 months. After dinner, the child should sleep until 4 years old, and preferably up to 5-6. Many parents and caregivers allow a child not to sleep as early as 3 years old. This is too early. A child at the age of three is able to stay awake during the day, but in this case he is too tired in the evening, he has too deep sleep, which in turn can lead to various problems (nightmares, etc.).
When we understand that the child has learned to sleep. The child can sleep well at 10 months, without visible problems. However, at least until the age of 5, one must be careful, as some event (moving, the appearance of a brother, etc.) can destroy good habits. As soon as you notice problems, apply the method described in Chapter 4. So our advice is: even if your child can already sleep, be careful, follow the evening procedures and schedule.
Last note: be realistic!!!
Many parents do not know how to be realistic and want the impossible from their children. If your child in the first month of life slept less than the norm for his age, then in three years after applying our method, he will sleep less. If he has learned to sleep, he will go to bed without problems, will not wake up at night, will sleep for 10 hours. But he will not become a dormouse if he is not a dormouse by nature!
Many parents rejoice when their children get a lot of sleep during the day (finally, you can mind your own business!). The child cannot sleep 4-5 hours after dinner and 12 hours at night! Even if you are very pleased that the child is sleeping, wake him up after 2-3 hours of sleep. A child should never sleep during the day without waking up for more than 3 hours!
Other parents put their baby to bed at 8 pm and want him to wake up at 10 am. A child is not a clockwork robot! He has his own biological rhythms, they must be respected, not destroyed!
The ideal pajama is one in which the child is not hot and in which he can sleep without a blanket. Little children always open up at night
CHAPTER 4

Let's start from the beginning, or how to fix a child's sleep habit. What is normal for a baby and what is not? When can we talk about childhood insomnia?
Many parents consider it normal to get up at night 2-3, or even 4-5 times to a one and a half year old child to give him a bottle. But this is NOT NORMAL, just like the case when an 8-month-old baby does not sleep until midnight without any signs of fatigue, or when a one-year-old baby starts screaming loudly as soon as mom puts him in the crib and wants to leave the room.
From 6-7 months of age, all children should be able to:
- go to bed without crying and with joy
- fall asleep on their own without help alone in the room
- sleep 10-12 hours without a break
- sleep in your own crib (and not in your parents' bed), in the dark without a night light on
This description applies to all healthy babies as long as they do not have colic (which usually resolves by 4-5 months), milk intolerance, acute respiratory infections, bronchitis, etc. If your baby is already 6 months old and not sick, but has not yet learned to sleep through the night, he may have problems with childhood insomnia in the future.
Children's insomnia is explained by:
- in 98% of cases, the wrong habit of sleeping
- in 2% psychological problems (see end of chapter)
Childhood insomnia caused by bad habits has the following characteristics:
- the child is unable to fall asleep without assistance
- wakes up at night (from 3 to 15 times) and cannot fall asleep again on his own and requires the help of parents (sickness, bottle, etc.)
- superficial sleep - the slightest noise can wake him up
- sleeps fewer hours than indicated in the table for his age
In such cases, parents resort to auxiliary methods: shake the baby, pat on the head, give food, drink, etc. The baby eventually falls asleep, but the problem is that when he wakes up again, you have to start all over again.
If you decide to change this situation, you must follow the following rule: you must strictly follow our instructions, follow them literally, the slightest deviation or change can lead to failure!
What does it take to develop a good sleep habit? Let's repeat the general rules:
- parents should be calm and confident in what they are doing, and also always follow the same pattern in behavior when laying the baby down, create a ritual.
- the child must associate sleep with external elements that can stay with him all night: a bed, a bear, a pacifier, a favorite blanket, etc.
So, let's forget the past and imagine that our baby was born today.
Let's start by choosing the outer elements. Remember that they should stay with the baby all night (that is, they should not be dangerous, too small for him to swallow, hard so that he does not hit in his sleep, etc.) and that they should not require our presence (for example , a bottle of tea is not suitable, as someone has to fill it at night). With a child of 2-5 years old, you can prepare a drawing to hang over the crib. After dinner, dad (mother) says to the baby: "Let's go to the room, draw a beautiful picture." The kid can draw the sun or a cloud over the house himself, and dad can add a bird or a tree, etc. Mom can prepare a carousel to hang over the crib (just cut out a doll or airplane from paper, make a ball of shiny paper and hang it over the crib with a rope or elastic band). You don't have to create masterpieces, you can just buy something suitable. The main thing is that the child has something fundamentally new, which was not there before and that he likes.
If before every night you put him to bed in a different way, now you need to create a ritual. Decide for yourself what is more convenient for you: swimming, dinner, half an hour of play and in bed. What you decide now, you will have to do the same every evening.
Let us give you some advice. In accordance with natural biological rhythms, it is best to give the child the following schedule for eating: breakfast around 8 o’clock, lunch around 12, afternoon tea around 16 and dinner around 20. Try not to deviate too much from this schedule, as these are the biological rhythms of children. In any case, if for some reason you cannot adhere to this entire schedule, remember: the child falls asleep most easily in winter at 20.00-20.30, and in summer at 20.30-21.00. This is due to the peculiarities of the work of the brain of babies.
The first day of re-education. So, you are all set, the schedule and the evening ritual is selected. After dinner, dad (mother, grandmother) play calm games with the baby for 10-15 minutes, then they hang the drawing together over the crib. They explain that this is a poster, and that he will sleep all night with the baby. If the baby is still sleeping with a pacifier, buy him a few, spread them around the crib so that it is easy for the baby to find at least one in the dark. If you don't think this through, your baby will wake you up at night so you can help him find a pacifier and then - goodbye, re-education!
The second step: mom or dad chooses a toy from those that the baby already has and gives him a name. After that, they say to the baby: This is your friend Mishka (Petya, etc.). He will sleep with you all night. Do not let the baby choose: remember, we know how to sleep and teach him, not he us, now you decide. Even if your child is 4 years old, in this situation we must treat him like a newborn who still does not know and does not know how.
If you must deprive your baby of something that he had before (bottle, etc.), explain to him that his new night friends replace the old ones and that they will stay with him all night and in the morning when he wakes up there will be more with him.
Remember
- the requests and demands of the baby at the time of bedtime can affect the correct sleep habit
- the child should not tell his parents how he should sleep and what he needs for this, in this situation, parents are teachers, and children learn to sleep, and not vice versa. The calm, confident tone of the parents should show this to the children.
So, it's time to put your baby in the crib. Act like you do it every day. Calmly change your baby's clothes, put him in the crib and cover. Do not expect the baby to close its eyes, turn on its side and snore. Firstly, the baby has not yet been “reeducated”, and secondly, he has already realized that you have prepared some kind of surprise for him. Most likely, he will immediately jump to his feet and start screaming in a wild voice as soon as he realizes that his mother wants to leave the room. Don't try to put it down right away. Sit next to the crib or take him on your lap and tell him, “Kitty, Mom and Dad want to teach you how to sleep. Look, you are not alone: ​​your bear, drawing, etc. are with you. They will all sleep with you all night.” This speech will take between 0.5 and 2 minutes. Depends on what you include in the list (curtains, bicycle next to the crib, etc.). The main thing is not to get annoyed and speak calmly. It does not matter at all whether the child understands well what you are saying to him. Most likely, during your entire speech, the child will scream like a cut man in the hope that he will be able to return to the old days. Ignore the crying, keep talking. These are moments that require willpower and courage from you. Your baby will be ready for anything so as not to lose his "privileges". Here is just a short list of what children were capable of in our practice in order to pity their parents and return “their happy past”: children sobbed, made sad faces, asked to drink, write and eat, threw tantrums with hiccups, caused themselves to vomit, poop etc.
Despite all this performance that your baby will suit you, you must not lose your calm and remember: you teach him to sleep, not he teaches you. You are doing this for his future, for his health, and for your nervous system.
After your short speech above, put the baby back to bed.
Attention: after this point, it cannot be touched until the next morning. If he gets up again, don't mind. Say, "Good night, fish (pussy, etc.)", turn off the lights and leave the room. Leave the door almost completely closed (small crack to hear what's going on).
Attention: there is no difference what age the baby is: 6 months or 5 years. The only difference is how he can fight you. A six-month-old baby can only cry, and a 4-5-year-old can talk, scream, beg, get out of the crib, etc. In this case, we advise you to organize some kind of barrier to exit the room.
Do not lock the door with a key, etc. It can terrorize your child! Don't be afraid if he falls asleep on the floor, etc. Firstly, children rarely do this, because they love convenience, and secondly, even in this case, the goal is achieved - the baby fell asleep on his own. All you have to do is put him on the bed.
Up to this point we have considered the point of view of adults. But how does the baby feel in such a situation?
Children communicate with adults according to a certain pattern: action-reaction. Children do certain things because they expect certain reactions. Consider the situation: a six-month-old baby. They put him in the crib, he begins to sing "ah-ah-ah-ah" and clap his hands. What will mom and dad say? "What a bunny!" And they will mind their own business. But the same baby starts screaming like a cut one, becomes brown-red or purple, hiccups. What are parents doing? They run: “Bunny, are you ill? What happened to you? Do you have a stomach ache? Cutting teeth? Kitty, now mom (dad) will shake you (scold on the handles, etc.)”. What does the baby like more: lying alone in the crib or being the center of attention of all relatives? What will the baby do the next time he wants the attention of his parents? And what will a child of 4-5 years old do? He has enough imagination to make his parents back down first!
Let's go back to the bedding process. What will our 4 year old baby do when we give him his teddy bear? Maybe throw it on the floor. If you pick him up and give him again, what will he do? Throw the bear on the floor again. If we continue like this, who will win? Baby!!! Because he made a certain action and achieved the desired reaction. You fell for his bait! If your baby threw a teddy bear, a pacifier, a blanket, a pillow on the floor, and you continue to talk calmly, then collect everything, put it in his bed, turn around and leave the room despite his wild cries, who will win?
Another example: you put the baby in the crib, and he immediately rises to his feet. You put it down again, it rises again. You do not want to put him to bed all night, but he wants to continue this game for as long as possible, because in this way he completely owns your attention. So put him in the crib and leave the baby alone. If he wants to go up, let him go up as much as he wants.
What else can a baby do to get your attention? “I want to drink”, “ah-ah-ah”, “bo-bo”, etc. The child may even induce vomiting. Don't worry, nothing happens to him. Wash it, change the sheet and put it back in the crib. You can be nervous (but don't show it outwardly). Remain outwardly calm and determined: your child must learn to sleep. The kid can also scream and cry like a cut (then tell the neighbors that his ears hurt, poor thing). In such a situation, the baby can cry so loudly that the windows of the neighbors opposite can ring. But you take courage and hold on: your "war" has just begun, and fortunately it will last only a few days. However, we cannot leave the baby to cry for long. Why? Because "re-educate" does not mean to punish. Usually parents are advised to leave the baby to cry until he falls asleep from fatigue. Never do this!
When you first leave the room, take a look at the clock: until the baby falls asleep, you will have to return to his room from time to time. REMEMBER: you are not returning to comfort him, and not to make him stop crying, and not to put him to sleep. But only to show him that you have not abandoned him. How often should you return to the baby? Consider the table below, it all depends on the day of re-education and what time you return. The table shows the intervals in minutes.
How many minutes should I wait before returning to the room where the baby is crying?
1 day -1 min (1 time) 3 min (2 times) 5 min all subsequent times
Day 2 - 3 min (1 time) 5 min (2 times) 7 min all subsequent times
Day 3 - 5 min (1 time) 7 min (2 times) 9 min all subsequent times
Day 4 - 7 min (1 time) 9 min (2 times) 11 min all subsequent times
Day 5 - 9 min (1 time) 11 min (2 times) 13 min all subsequent times
Day 6 - 11 min (1 time) 13 min (2 times) 15 min all subsequent times
Day 7 - 13 min (1 time) 15 min (2 times) 17 min all subsequent times
Note: This table should be used both in the evening and at night if the baby wakes up at night.
What should a parent who returned to the baby do? I must once again tell him in a calm voice: “Golden, you need to sleep. Mom and dad will teach you how to sleep now. You will sleep with your teddy bear and pacifier and so on. Good night". If the baby has crawled out of the crib by this time, you need to put him back there. If the baby is not able to get out, we need to stop far enough from him so that he cannot cling to us. After this little speech, you should calmly leave the room. When you return to the baby, do not turn on the light. If the baby is crying, do not react, continue your speech, and then exit.
Never wait longer than indicated in the table; for a baby, the worst thing is to think that his parents do not love him and that they abandoned him. At the same time, try to gather all your strength and, although your heart will shed tears, try to gain strength for a few days and follow all the instructions: the results will exceed all your expectations!
Your returns will help the baby understand that he will not achieve anything with tears and screams and then that going to bed is not so scary. How long can your baby cry? Depends on the specific case. The most persistent, however, usually do not scream for more than 2 hours. Many give up after an hour. If the baby wakes up at night, everything must be done as in the evening. The child does not understand schedules, does not understand the difference between night and evening, so you have to go in and out again, and say the same words
Psychological problems - 2% when the method does not work. The reasons can be temporary, such as: divorce, parents are especially nervous due to some serious problems, they moved to sleep from their parents' room to a separate one, a brother was born, went to kindergarten, saw a scary movie on TV, etc. It is necessary to determine what the cause is and try to eliminate or weaken it. Because of the movie, the first day in kindergarten, etc. the child may not sleep well for 2-3 days. Problems that last for a long time should be treated by a psychotherapist or neurologist. For more details, see chapter 7.

How long should a baby sleep? Children are all different. There are dormouse among them, there are those who sleep much less than the norm. We give the average data - how many hours a day your child should sleep: 1 week ... 16-17 hours, 3 months .... 15 hours, 6 months ... 14 hours, 12 months .... 13 hours 45 minutes, 18 months ... 13h 30m, 2 years... 13h, 3 years...12h, 4 years...11h 30m, 5 years....11h.
Your child can sleep up to two hours more or two hours less. If the baby does not meet the specified standards, pay attention to the following points.
The baby sleeps less than normal and:
- easily irritated
- capricious
- sometimes looks sleepy
- has difficulty concentrating, often seems inattentive
- he has moments when he looks at one point with an absent look
If the baby sleeps less than normal and he has any of the above behaviors, then he should sleep more. If he sleeps less than normal, but he does not have any of the above signs, then everything is in order and your child just needs less sleep.
The baby sleeps more than normal and:
- gains in height and weight according to the norms
- attentive
- active when awake
If you answered "yes" to all three questions, don't worry, fate has given you a sleepy baby." If you answered "no" to at least one question, talk to your pediatrician about it and check the child's health.
How to change the baby's daily routine? There are babies who sleep a lot during the day, but little at night. Or those who willingly go to bed at 7 pm, but at 5 am they already wake up. In such cases, you can gradually change their mode in accordance with your wishes.
If the baby sleeps a lot during the day and little at night, do not let him sleep a lot during the day, even if it is convenient for you. Find in the table how much sleep should be according to age, estimate how many hours you want him to sleep during the day and how much at night. Make a schedule. In any case, it is better not to let the baby sleep more than 2-3 hours during the day (if he sleeps only 1 time during the day). Ideal - 10-12 hours at night, the rest during the day. For example:
18 months - daily sleep 13.30 (night 11 and day 2.30 or night 12 and day 1.30)
If your little one falls asleep at 7 pm and wakes up too early, you can move his schedule forward by sending him to bed half an hour later in the week. That is, the first week he will go to bed at 7.30, the second at 8.00 and the third at 8.30. In any case, it is better to put him to bed no later than 8.30 - 9.00. Again, even if it is convenient for you, the habit of going to bed late for young children can develop into serious problems in the future. See the previous chapters for the ideal schedule. If half an hour is too much for the baby, shift sleep by 15 minutes a week (7.00 - 7.15-7.30, etc.) Everything else (evening procedures before bedtime) should remain as before.
CHAPTER 6

Nighttime disturbances may or may not wake the child. This is a half-sleep state: sleepwalking, nightmares, phobias, bruxism, nocturnal delirium, rocking movements. In childhood, these problems are usually not pronounced, the critical age is from 3 to 6 years.
Somnambulism (sleepwalking). A classic example: a five year old gets out of bed, turns on the light, goes to the bathroom instead of the toilet and pees in the tub or shoe, goes back to bed, turns off the light and goes to sleep. He doesn't remember anything the next day. Usually occurs in the first half of sleep. The causes are unknown, and there is no cure. It is usually inherited and resolves by adolescence. At night, the child automatically repeats the actions that he does during the day. He does not have clarity of consciousness and therefore "mistakes". But this is a harmless deviation.
We just need to take precautions. The lunatic never throws himself out of the window, but can get out of it by mistaking him for the door. Don't wake the child. If he wanders around the apartment, try to put him to bed again without taking him out of his state. Talk to him in simple phrases like: "Come here, lie down in the crib." Remember: even if his eyes are open, he is deeply asleep.
Nightmares. Occur in the second half of sleep (if the baby goes to bed at 8 pm, then after 2 am). These are terrible dreams. The child wakes up screaming, all frightened, but can explain what scared him: “The dog bit me, Vasya beat me,” etc. Parents can reassure him: "Sleep, you see, there is no dog here." Usually these phenomena are associated with events in the life of the baby that bother him. Usually passes in a few days. If the problem remains in life, the nightmares remain. For example, if you force the baby to eat and for him every meal becomes torture. If your child has nightmares, you should not go to the doctor, you should try to calm him when he wakes up, and then understand what caused them and try to eliminate the cause. Do not take the baby to your bed.
Night phobias (fears). In the first half of sleep. The baby suddenly starts screaming, it seems that something is tormenting him very much. Parents find a baby pale, sweaty, not recognizing his parents. If parents do not know anything about these problems, they may think that the baby is dying. It usually lasts from 3 to 10 minutes. The baby does not understand what is happening, as he sleeps deeply. You need to stay with him, waiting for the attack to pass. He doesn't remember anything the next day. If the baby recognizes you and immediately calms down, then this is either a bad dream or a trick to get your attention.
Bruxism (teeth grinding). Ask your dentist if this is dangerous for your teeth. Although this is impressive for parents, this is not a problem, it will go away on its own with time.

Night nonsense. In the early morning, the baby may laugh, talk, cry and scream in his sleep. It's not scary, the only problem is that such cries can wake up the baby himself.
Swinging movements. Example: beats his head against the pillow, lies belly down and sways. Usually 9 months to 2 years. Usually nothing to worry about. If it swings like this during the day, check with a psychotherapist.
Snore. 7% to 10% of children snore. If in a dream this makes it difficult for the baby to breathe and he sleeps breathing through his mouth, contact a specialist.

CHAPTER 7
Questions and answers,
or how to resolve common problems.

When is the best time to start re-educating a baby? Now and only now. Of course, only under certain conditions:
Both parents agree to see things through
-both parents carefully read the book and understood each action well
Both parents have a good idea of ​​how to react at any moment.
If either parent doesn't feel ready, it's best not to start, as success requires confidence and peace of mind. We repeat: children perfectly feel the mood of adults nearby. It is not necessary to start training at the time of the move, at least the first 10 days the baby should always sleep in the same place. Other reasons for postponing the event: guests who live in your house. Because there is nothing worse than the comments of visiting relatives and friends: “Poor thing, how weary. Are you absolutely sure what you're doing?" or: “Young people now want everything easy. No patience at all. In our time, parents knew how to endure and not sleep, if required for the child. He's so small!" As an obstacle, there are also neighbors who can go from caustic remarks and sympathetic sighs to threats: “We will call the police that you are mocking a child!”
For neighbors, we recommend doing this: select the most actively intervening in your affairs and call them in advance. Say: “Our poor thing caught otitis, we want to apologize in advance for his nightly crying. The pediatrician said that he would be in a lot of pain for a few days and would not be able to sleep.”
Who should do the sleep re-education? Mother? Dad? Grandmother? Nanny?
It doesn't matter who. It is important that those who put the baby to sleep (day or night) are well acquainted with the instructions. Adults can change (grandmother in the afternoon, mother in the evening). It is important that everyone works the same way. In the evening, you can take turns: once mom enters, the other - dad.
Can a child sleep with grandparents?
Parents are created to raise children, grandparents are created to pamper their grandchildren. This means that at least 10 days must pass from the beginning of re-education before leaving the baby with the grandmother. Don't try to convince grandma to act the same as you: it's usually useless. This is logical, given that their role is different. Only the basic rules need to be explained to the grandmother: what time does the baby go to sleep, that you don’t need to put him to sleep, and that you don’t need to forget all his things (bear, pacifier, etc.). Grandmothers usually do what they think is right anyway. Don't fight them over this. Kids are much smarter than they seem: they immediately understand that grandma's rules are different than at home. When the baby sleeps in your house, act like you always do.
However, if the baby sleeps with the grandmother every day, she will have to familiarize herself with these rules and follow them, otherwise it will not work to accustom the child to sleep.
Everyone who takes care of the baby every day must follow these rules.
What if the baby makes himself vomit or poops/pees to keep his parents at his crib?
Children often induce themselves to vomit in order to gain the sympathy of their parents. Even if this has never happened before, don't worry. DON'T BE ANGRY (or at least don't show it). Our goal is to teach the child to sleep, not to punish him. Change your baby, put him back in the crib, say something like: “See bunny, you are so angry that we teach you to sleep that you even ... peed / pooped / made yourself vomit. Look, here are your toys, your teddy bear, your pacifier, they will sleep with you all night.” And leave the room. Do not stop, even if during all this time the baby yells like a cut. Act as if nothing strange is happening and the baby is calm. Remember: all the actions of your baby are aimed at getting extra attention. He wants to drink, sit on his hands, etc. Don't give him the desired result. Be calm and continue your line.
Do not change it immediately, wait a few minutes. Otherwise, the baby will begin to write every three seconds. Pees - mom runs, changes clothes - the baby gets attention right away - his goal is achieved!
Is it possible to re-educate a child if he is sick or fell ill after the start of education?
If the baby is sick, it is better to leave him alone and wait until he gets better. If he gets sick after the start, you will have to go to him every time he cries, especially if he has a fever. Give him some water to drink. But remember; you give him a drink because he has a fever, not to put him to sleep. Then repeat to him all the words about the bear and the pacifier and try to leave the room before you fall asleep. If you wake up, do not wait for minutes on the table, go to him immediately. As soon as the temperature, severe runny nose and cough that make breathing difficult, proceed to re-education according to the scheme. Remember, your little one will try to keep the privileges gained during the illness. Be calm, affectionate, but determined.
Why do some children sleep without problems from birth, while others become a horror for parents? Is this due to heredity?
The baby is born with a built-in sleep-wake mechanism set to 3-4 hours. Gradually (usually in the region of 2-3 months), this mechanism, called the biological clock (special brain cells) changes, adjusting to a 24-hour regimen. For some children, this process of restructuring occurs with problems, that is, it needs outside help, in setting up (schedule, external elements). Problems occur on average in 35% of cases. In the same family there can be children with and without problems. There is no exact scientific information as to why this happens.
Everyone knows that you can’t drink coffee at night, are there any bans on other children’s drinks or foods?
In the evening, it is better not to give the baby anything exciting to drink, since in difficult cases even the smallest pathogens can affect sleep. Better to avoid before bedtime: coffee, coca-cola, cocoa, chocolate, meat in large quantities. In the evening, it is better to give cereals, pasta, cookies (not chocolate).
Should I bathe my baby before bed?
You can bathe him whenever it suits you. This is an acquired habit and it is up to you how your baby gets used to it. If you bathe him in the evening, this could be another sleep-related item. It is important to wash the baby at about the same time. Try not to excite him by bathing. A relaxing swim can help you relax.
Can a toddler watch TV before bed?
Watching TV is not harmful to the child, just as it is not harmful to listen to the radio or music. It is harmful to watch a lot and without control. The kid can watch TV for no more than half an hour, it is better if in the presence of parents, who, if necessary, can explain what is happening. It is better to watch TV between 18 and 19 00, before starting the bed-laying procedures (dinner-bath-play-crib). You can not leave him in front of the TV after dinner or just before going to bed, because what he sees can excite him or he can fall asleep in front of the TV if he is very tired, which is unacceptable for the correct development of the sleep habit.
Our little one is afraid of the dark...
It just means that you have been doing a lot of things wrong so far. If the baby is used to sleeping with little light, he may wake up at night because the light is off. The kid realized that if he says: "I'm afraid" - the light will appear again, and most importantly, he will get the attention of his mother. It is necessary to make sure that the baby is not psychologically ill (it is easy to check: if he has serious psychological problems, he will be afraid of the dark at any time of the day, and not just when he needs to sleep). The problem at other times of the day manifests itself as follows: she is afraid to go to the toilet alone, watch TV if there is no one in the room, she is afraid to go to the store with her mother, etc. Luckily, this type of problem is rare and is usually used as a gimmick to get attention.
Once you've made sure your baby doesn't have any serious psychological problems, follow the instructions in Chapter 4.
What can cause insomnia in a child?
Change in habits and habitual course of life. For example, the appearance of a brother completely changes the life of the firstborn, who is no longer the favorite baby of the whole house. The same can happen due to the beginning of kindergarten attendance. Parents, first, should try to give enough attention to the baby during this difficult transition period and try to ensure that the arrival of the second child does not affect the sleep schedule of the first. That is, there is no need to make another common mistake: rocking the firstborn, putting him to bed in a special way, etc. It is necessary to explain to him what changes have taken place and act as before. Usually, if the parents are attentive enough to the problem, the child will start sleeping well again after a few days. The same goes for moving to a new apartment. Explain to the child that he will have a new home, but that his crib, doll, etc. and will sleep with him in the future.
If you're already having problems, go to Chapter 4 and do another series of sleep training.
My baby sleeps more during the day than at night...
This means that your baby's biological clock has not yet been set. See chapter 5 for instructions.
Every night my 14 month old daughter wakes up and asks for water. I give her a bottle. Sometimes she doesn't even touch her, sometimes she drinks and then falls asleep. How can this behavior be explained?
Often children ask for milk or water at night, drink and eat, but this does not mean at all that they are really hungry or thirsty. Many babies realize by the age of a few months that if they cry at night they will be given a boob or a bottle. In most cases, babies just want human warmth, the presence of their parents, but they still do not know how to speak to explain this. They drink or eat a little to be with mom or dad, then fall asleep. Usually, this behavior of children leads to the fact that parents give them a drink for every night of crying. When these kids grow up, they learn to use this trick with even greater dexterity. They force parents to get up to them almost every night, as they now associate the bottle with sleep. Remember: the mere fact that a child asks for water does not mean at all that he is thirsty.
The child should drink during the day, not at night. A normal child, if he drinks enough during the day, does not need extra water at night. The same applies to sleep: if the baby eats well during the day and grows according to the norms, from 6-7 months he no longer needs night food. If he wakes up and demands food and drink, this only shows his poor sleep habit.
The only exception is when the baby is sick and has a fever. In this case, he may need to drink at night. But remember, you are giving your baby water to drink because he has a fever, not to put him to sleep.
My toddler goes to bed after 11pm as my husband comes home late and wants to see him. Can it harm our baby?
This situation occurs frequently and is easily explained. However, if you try to be sincere with yourself, you will understand that keeping your child up late to be with him or because it is convenient for you is a rather selfish measure. If you remember, in the chapter on schedules, we already said that the ideal time for going to bed, according to the biological needs of the child, is 20.00 - 20.30 in winter and 20.30 - 21.00 in summer. Therefore, it is useless to put the baby late during the day in the hope that he will last longer in the evening. It will only mess up his biological clock even more. It is also not true that if you put him to bed later, he will fall asleep and sleep better due to fatigue. Too tired children sleep worse.
So my advice is: Don't be selfish. Try to follow the natural biological needs of the baby. Remember that between the ages of 6 and 7 months, your baby should be helped to develop a proper sleep habit. Otherwise, in the future, he may have psychological and physical health problems.
How to understand if the baby is crying because of colic (abdominal pain, gas)?
Colic goes away between 3 and 5 months. Remember that calming a baby with a stomach ache is a rather difficult task. If you take the baby in your arms at night and he calms down in 2-3 minutes, then this is not colic. Colic does not appear only at night, the baby must cry during the day and in the evening for the same reason. So if your baby is over 5 months old, don't run to him as soon as he starts crying. Otherwise, the baby gets used to crying as loudly as possible to attract attention.
My baby doesn't sleep well because he's teething... This is one of the most common excuses for poor sleep. It is widely believed that the teeth give such pain that the baby cannot sleep peacefully at night. So: it has not been scientifically proven that the appearance of teeth is a painful process. If your baby wakes up “because of the teeth”, it is likely that he woke up earlier (due to “colic”, “hunger”, “thirst”, etc.) If your baby has not slept well before, calm down about the teeth and start "re-education".
We have twins. Can they sleep together?
Two children can safely sleep in the same room, subject to certain conditions. If both sleep well, no problem. If they are 6 months old, you can put them together. But if they sleep poorly (or one of the two sleeps poorly), it is better to separate them during bedtime. If you don't have that opportunity, train both together.
My son doesn't want to sleep during nap time. Maybe it's better to give it up? For a quiet hour, you need to behave in the same way as when laying the baby at night. If we feed a child for breakfast and for lunch with a spoon, I also don’t see the difference between going to bed in the afternoon and in the evening. Many children stop sleeping during the day by the age of three, when they start going to kindergarten. If a 3 year old does not sleep during the day, he will be too tired at night - his night sleep will be deeper - problems such as nightmares, sleepwalking, enuresis, etc. may appear.
The child should sleep during the day for at least 4 years, and preferably longer.
If for some reason your baby goes to bed later than the recommended time (at 21.30 or even at 22.00), we advise you to move the bed to an earlier time. Remember: it's about your baby's health! The recommended schedule is explained by biological rhythms (“biological clocks”). If these clocks are not set correctly in early childhood, the child is at great risk of having various types of problems in the future (from poor school performance, problems concentrating, to poor growth and insomnia in adulthood). Some parents put off going to bed until later because the father comes home late from work and wants to see the baby. Don't give in to that temptation! These are your selfish tendencies, which in the future may turn into problems for your child.
How to retrain him to go to bed earlier? First, start waking him up early in the morning, don't let him sleep until 9-10 am if he goes to bed late. In no case do not skip daytime sleep in the hope that in the evening you will want to sleep earlier. In the evening he will be too tired to sleep well. Let him sleep during the day, but not too long: 1.5 - 2 hours. Put to bed earlier in the evening, do the same the next day, and so on until the desired schedule is reached.
How to teach a child not to disturb parents early in the morning?
Small children do not feel the time and they are not very interested in it. They wake up in the morning because they don't want to sleep anymore, not because "it's already 11am". Many children wake up early. If the baby woke up and cries, calls you, it is better to immediately go to him. It's no use pretending you don't hear.
If the baby is awake and talking to himself or playing in the crib, do not approach him, even if you are already up. So he will get used to occupying himself a little. Sometimes it helps to give the baby a bottle or a toy, dress him up and give him something interesting and maybe you can get another hour of sleep. If your child is already older, analyze why he wakes up so early. Did the tram outside the window wake him up? Lantern light? He is cold? Hot? If the baby wakes up for one of these reasons, try to eliminate them. If he wakes up because he has already slept, come up with some activity prepared for him in the evening: leave it on a chair next to the bed at night so that he can get it himself, coloring and pencils, a bottle of tea, a glass of water, a toy, which any surprise, etc. The kid, when he wakes up, will find what you have left and will do it for a while.
If your child is three years old or older, they may already be working with you. We offer you a method that will teach him the days of the week, hours and help you sleep longer on Saturday and Sunday. Draw on paper or buy a calendar where you can see the whole month (or by week). Explain to your child what a calendar is. Explain the names of the days of the week. Every day, together with the baby, put a cross or a circle in the calendar in the evening and say: today is Monday, Monday will end, tomorrow will be Tuesday, etc. Tell him that there are two special days a week when not his parents wake him up, but he will have to wake his parents. This is Saturday and Sunday. Highlight them on the calendar in a different color. Buy your kid a wall clock or use the ones you already have at home. Hang a clock in front of his bed. The kid still can't read the clock and you need to help him. Attach the 10 o'clock sticker to the clock. (If you want to get up at 10, and your baby wakes up at 8.00) When the baby returns from kindergarten on Friday, tell him:
“Look, today is Friday. Tomorrow will be a special day, tomorrow is Saturday and tomorrow you will have to wake us up.” Look at the clock. When the big hand covers (touches, gets under, etc.) the sticker, it's 10 o'clock. You'll have to wake us up and you'll get an interesting surprise." What a surprise? Depends on your imagination. You can hide a balloon under your bed, buy a kinder surprise, organize a pillow fight, etc.
You do not need to buy something new every time, it is important to make something that your baby likes. You can’t answer him at 10 o’clock: “Wait a little, now we will play with you.” If he waited for 10 hours, you should also keep your word and show him a surprise (play a game) right away.
How to make it last up to 10 hours? A few tips: on Friday, go with him to the store to buy him breakfast for Saturday (Sunday).
It is very important to do this with him, so the baby feels involved. Place breakfast on a table/stool next to his bed. When the baby wakes up, he can eat on his own. Buy him a toy (make, etc.) that you will only give him on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Leave her on the chair next to the crib. On the first Saturday, the baby will wake up at 8.00 and at 8.05 will be already at your bed shouting: “It's time to get up! Where is the surprise?
It is normal that this happens, he has not yet learned to wait. Then proceed as you would at night. Take him to bed. Explain that it's still early. Show the clock and explain again when the time is correct. If he protests, return to him according to the time table in chapter 4. This time, not to put him to sleep, but to teach him to wait and play himself. Remember that the baby is still small and it is difficult for him to wait so long, if he wakes up at 8.00, and you want him to wake you up no earlier than 10.00, first you have to cheat: turn the arrows forward. When the baby wakes up, in reality it will be only 8, but the clock will already show 9.00. He will only have to wait an hour. Encouraged by success, he will have more desire to wait for the appointed hour. And you gradually set the clock to the correct time. So the baby can wait longer and longer.
Be realistic, don't ask a 3 year old to play by himself for 2.5 - 3 hours in the morning. Good luck!
Difficult cases.
Since the publication of this book (1996), we have received a huge number of letters from parents. Most of them are expressions of gratitude and appreciation. However, in some there is a description of the difficulties that the parents could not overcome. Now we will consider the imaginary and real difficulties of accustoming to sleep. We decided to trace the process of accustoming to sleep and identify what problems parents face. The following is the result of an analysis of the sleep training process of 823 children aged 6 months to 5 years.
Analysis of the application of our method and its results:
- 96% of children learned to sleep without disturbing their parents at night
- in 4% parents encountered difficulties that they could not overcome. Some children never learned to fall asleep on their own, some at first learned, but after a while they began to wake up at night again.
We analyzed in detail the reasons for the failures. There are objective and subjective reasons. Objective:
- parents did not quite understand our instructions
- the book was read by only one of the parents
- the child is cared for by several people who could not act in the same way
- a third person lives in the house (grandmother, aunt), who influenced the application of the method
- the child fell ill during re-education
- global changes took place in the child's life during the period of accustoming to sleep: parents divorced, a brother was born, moving, went to kindergarten, etc.
- one of the parents has serious psychological problems (anxiety states)
- the family sleeps away every weekend
- a trip with a change in the child's schedule or time zone
The method was not understood absolutely correctly.