Violence in family. If the situation is critical. Types of domestic violence

Domestic violence is not uncommon these days. Such a threat can be emotional, psychological, physical. These are repeated violent actions on the part of one person in order to control, intimidate, instill in their victim.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is deliberate coercion, or the action of one person over another, the abuser does not take into account the will and interests of the victim. Such pressure results in bodily injury, emotional trauma, developmental deviation, damage. The main difference between such pressure is that it occurs between close people who are in family relationships.

Domestic violence can take many different forms. Often, boys are exposed to sexual, physical aggression. Elderly, vulnerable family members are exposed to pressure. There are times when wives commit violent acts against their husbands. But according to the above statistics, over 70% of the victims are women and girls.

Where does domestic violence begin?

Domestic violence differs from usual in systematic repetitive actions, cyclicality:

1. Rising tension... The rapist is annoyed with and without reason. Such tension is denied by both the injured party and the culprit, justifying what is happening with stress, troubles at work or poor health. Gradually, the victim tries to relieve tension, to please the partner. Even if she manages to relieve tension for a while, after a while it builds up again with even greater force. This stage of pressure can last for months, or develop into a stage of active violence in a few days.
2. Active domestic violence... The rapist is looking for a way out for the accumulated tension. Violent acts are committed without outsiders and may take several minutes or several hours. Regardless of the form of pressure, it is always accompanied by insult and humiliation. It is not uncommon for the abuser to blame the victim for his actions. Neither the abuser nor the victim deny the fact of violence, but they downplay the severity of the violence.
3. Repentance... This period is accompanied by a temporary respite, remorse, and relative calmness. The offender, by any means and means, expiates his guilt, instilling in the victim faith in a better future. The victim has the illusion that domestic violence in the family will disappear. Although the abuser continues to blame the victim and prove the fact that it was she who provoked him to such actions.

The last stage does not last long, soon everything repeats itself in a vicious circle. If everything is left as it is, if the victim stops resisting what is happening, the stage of remorse can disappear. Regular violence against women gradually worsens the physical, victim, causing the need to leave. But often on the way there are a number of reasons that prevent you from changing the situation and leaving the offender. This is the fear of being left without funds, losing housing, children. It happens that the relatives themselves convince the victim to stay with the abuser.

Psychological abuse

A psychological rapist's mood changes abruptly, inadequate jealousy, low self-control can be traced. He is able to take offense even at insignificant criticism. In a conversation, he often resorts to profanity, shouts, threats. The psychological rapist swears to his partner of unearthly love and immediately throws accusations about the spoiled mood in his direction.

Psychological violence against a person is accompanied by a number of signs:

• constant criticism;
• insults and humiliation;
• hidden insults in the form of stinging nicknames, ridicule, contemptuous chuckles;
• the desire to make the victim guilty;
• open ignorance;
• silence;
• blackmail;
• coercion into unpleasant actions.

Moral violence

Emotional pressure is the impact on the psyche, emotions of a partner by intimidation, threats of insults, criticism, condemnation. Moral domestic violence is expressed through domination, which is manifested by:

• a ban on communication;
• surveillance;
• constant presence;
• restriction on contact with the outside world;
• assigning the role of a breadwinner;
• sexual abstinence.

Also, emotional abuse can be expressed through a form of manipulation. The purpose of such pressure is to subordinate the feelings and actions of the victim to their personal convictions. Signs of such emotional pressure are extremely difficult to recognize, since the actions of the rapist are secretive, fully conscious. But there are some common traits that can help identify and prevent bullying in time:

• bragging, when the husband exalts his qualities, achievements over those of his wife;
• provocation for the slightest oversight;
• flattery of the wife so that she begins to praise her husband;
• lying, withholding specific information in order to make the victim worry, to do something for the sake of the truth.

Physical violence

Physical violence in the family is manifested by the infliction of beatings, bodily harm, torture, which negatively affects the health of the victim. Moreover, such tyranny can manifest itself as minor beatings and murder. Dominance and aggression are the basis of physical pressure, therefore it has a gender orientation. Many women perceive such actions on the part of their husbands as normal. If domestic physical abuse is manifested against children, in the future they become violent towards others.

Why does a husband beat his wife - psychology?

There are two types of men capable of raising a hand to women:

• those who independently awaken anger in themselves, calling names and humiliating their wives, awakening even greater anger in themselves;
• those who by their nature are distinguished by composure and are able to beat their wife to death without regret.

Based on this, psychologists identify a number of reasons why a husband beats his wife:

• provocation by a woman;
• genetic predisposition;
• alcoholism;
• , self-affirmation in the family;
• trouble-free childhood, when all the boy's wishes were fulfilled from the first word "I want".

What if my husband beats?

Psychologists advise to analyze the current situation, to find out the reason why the husband beats. The cruelty of a man does not always arise out of nothing. Try to have a quiet conversation with your spouse. If the conversation does not solve the problem, try contacting a family counselor. If you want to save your family, remember that love will not help you to re-educate a person, only a psychologist, with the help of psychotherapeutic correction of your husband, can eradicate domestic violence.

Domestic Violence - What To Do?

Psychologists recommend breaking off a relationship with a person if the use of violence is noted in the family. But not every woman is ready to change her life, to leave her tyrant spouse. Don't try to justify your husband's actions, don't respond to requests to return, don't trust promises of a better future. Otherwise, after a few days you will regret not finding the strength to change your life.

Domestic violence: women under attack

According to research, a Russian woman is 2.5 times more likely to be killed by her husband or partner than an American woman and 5 times more likely than a woman from Western Europe. Psychologists say that if physical violence has been committed in a family at least once, then it will continue to develop. The cycle of violence was first described in the book "The Beaten Woman" by an American researcher and specialist on the problem of domestic violence. Lenore Walker and named "The theory of three phases"... She proposes to consider the whole situation of domestic violence as a cyclical system, consisting of three phases, replacing each other.

1. Voltage

It is characterized by isolated insults, which can be verbal and / or emotional. Women usually try to react calmly to defuse the situation. They may also try to defend their position with a backlash. At the same time, both partners may try to justify the abuser's actions by looking for an explanation for his breakdowns in the stress of work or lack of money. And women mistakenly believe that this will help control outbreaks of violence, or at least limit their extent.

2. Incident of violence

This phase is characterized by intense release, accompanied by emotional outbursts and physical actions in their most negative and violent form. This is the shortest phase and can last from 2 to 24 hours.

3. Honeymoon

After the previous phase, there is usually some sobering on the part of the aggressor and denying the seriousness of the incident, or minimizing everything that happened. During this phase, a man can fabulously transform, demonstrating extraordinary kindness and every minute assuring his spouse of unearthly love. The faithful sincerely repents of what he has done, promising that he will never do this again, but at the same time he can accuse the woman of provocation, they say, it was she who "brought him". Of course, such a "transformation" of a man gives a woman hope that everything will be different. Therefore, it is difficult for her to leave him.

7. Alcoholism is the main cause of violence

The problem of alcoholism is indeed often associated with violence. A man's aggressiveness can increase in accordance with the amount he receives. Alcohol reduces the ability to control behavior, so it is often psychologically easier for women to explain and forgive a man's behavior.

8. Lovely scolds - only amuse themselves

Perhaps there is no family in which quarrels and conflicts do not occur. But domestic violence is neither a quarrel nor a family conflict. Family conflict implies an equal position of spouses / partners who disagree with something and have the right to express their opinion. In a situation of violence, one person seeks to control another, using physical strength, economic opportunities, social status, etc. If a conflict in a family is always an isolated episode, then violence is a carefully built system.

9. A slap in the face is a trifle

Violence is cyclical and progressive. It can start simply with criticism, then go on to humiliation, then to shocks, slaps, blows, and then regular beatings, and sometimes even death.

10. Hit once - will always hit

Yes, it is a recognized fact that it is quite difficult to fix an aggressor. Many countries have psychotherapy and education programs for men who abuse their loved ones. The purpose of such groups is to teach husbands to understand the real reasons for their actions and their seriousness, as well as to talk about their own feelings, to be able to negotiate, not to be aggressive and to understand that no one person has the right to control and power over another.

11. I'm with him only because of the children - they need a father

This myth is destroyed much faster than others when people begin to realize that children who witness the mother's abuse experience trauma to the same extent as the injured mother. Studies have shown that a man who beats his wife is often aggressive towards children as well. Children who are in an atmosphere of constant conflicts develop low resistance to stress, decrease immunity, and school performance.

12. Domestic violence has existed everywhere and always, it is useless to fight it

Indeed, the custom of beating a wife is as old as marriage itself. In ancient times, the law openly encouraged and sanctioned the assault of husbands. But this does not mean that it is useless to fight it. The patriarchal attitudes of the culture in which men are socialized play an important role in the emergence of domestic violence. A recent study showed that of the total volume of recorded scenes of aggression on Russian television, the main part (65%) falls on the interaction between men and women, while the victims in most cases are women.

What to do?

... Pay attention to the behavior of a man in the early stages of a relationship

If a man already at the start of a relationship demonstrates to a lady that he is better, higher, more competent, that he has the right to have a decisive vote and can forbid her something, this is a bad sign. The habit of commanding and demanding obedience, for the sole reason that you are a woman, and because you owe something, but you have no right to something, is also a bad sign.

... Tell your loved ones about what is happening

People around you should know that something is wrong in the family. A woman should not be left alone with her problem, hopelessness - it is very important to know that she has somewhere to go, that there are people who, if something happens, will give shelter, help with money, but simply support morally.

... Run Lola Run!

If the violence has gone so far that the only way out is to save oneself, in this case, as practice shows, a secret escape is better and safer than a declared break, which leads to an escalation of violence. It is better not to be alone with the aggressor: the presence of witnesses can stop him. It is important to prepare an alternate airfield: put aside some amount of money, hide documents, negotiate with friends, stock up on the telephone numbers of crisis centers in advance.

When family relationships are just beginning, it is difficult to believe that a gentle and loving spouse can eventually turn into a cruel tyrant. However, not a single person is insured against the facts of domestic violence, and you need to understand the reasons for its occurrence and the main recommendations for action if the irreparable did happen.

What is Domestic Violence?

Psychologists mean by this concept any kind of influence on a weaker partner in the family. Most often they are the most defenseless - women and children. However, we are used to thinking that domestic violence is just beating, when in fact this concept is much broader and much can be hidden from view.

• Sexual - implies coercion into sexual intercourse of a woman or child; humiliation during sexual relations or coercion into unwanted sex;
• Emotional - expressed in constant threats (to leave the family, beat or kill a woman or child, neglect, pathological jealousy);
• Economic - this is a ban on working outside the home, refusal to provide money, taking money from family members or deliberately hiding their own finances;
• The physical is the most common. This includes not only bodily harm, but also damage to interior items. Any assault, even if it did not lead to injury, is considered physical abuse.

So why does a once loving husband turn into a domestic tyrant? Domestic violence, like other psychological concepts, has its causes.

Many believe that only a rude and uneducated person can raise a hand against a woman. But there are many examples when well-educated people give shocks or slaps to their wife or children. Why is this happening? From a psychological point of view, a man needs to constantly assert himself. If they cannot defend their position verbally, they begin to use force. But this does not happen to everyone. The wife and children become victims only if the husband could not find a worthy opponent or was afraid of him, and decided to find an easier way to increase self-esteem.

There are a number of signs by which one can determine that under certain living conditions, a husband can cause moral and physical trauma to his loved ones.

• Contempt. The husband does not respect his wife's opinion and is not interested in her activities. Moreover, he considers it completely useless, which he says directly.
• Rough ridicule and insults.
• Communication with his wife and children is exclusively in an orderly tone, constant criticism.
• Pathological and unreasonable jealousy.
• Forcing a spouse to engage in activities that could directly harm her health.
• Direct verbal aggression.
• Banning the use of the telephone or other means of communication and going out into the street.
• The desire to take part in all spheres of life and make decisions only according to their own opinion.

It may seem incredible, but some women blame themselves for what happened and are not going to seek help. But if this does not stop, you risk falling into an even more dangerous position, which will pose a direct threat to your health or even life.

Therefore, first of all, you need to realize that such behavior is not normal, and you must have self-esteem and part with a person who does not respect you at all. However, you cannot do without outside help. There are several instances where you can go for medical, psychological and legal assistance for domestic violence. On the official sites there are corresponding forums that can provide anonymous assistance:

• local policeman;
• juvenile criminal police;
• centers of social services for families and children;
• Department of Family and Youth Affairs;
• International Women's Human Rights Center.

The main thing is to overcome fear and the remnants of love for this person and allow yourself to start life from scratch.

Children's fairy tales free download - collection

Domestic violence is situations in which one person controls or tries to control the behavior and feelings of another. Domestic violence manifests itself in the act or threat of physical, sexual, psychological or economic abuse and violence by one person towards another with whom the person has or had an intimate or other meaningful relationship.

Usually, the perpetrators of violence are husbands and partners. It can sometimes happen that women are also the perpetrators of violence. Such cases account for only about 5%. This occurs in couples where the male partner is much older. This is mainly expressed in the abuse of attitudes towards the elderly.

Domestic violence is now very common. We see it on television, in magazines and even at home. The problem is compounded by the fact that these stories are leaked to the media, which in fact distort the stories of the women affected. Accidental witnesses of violence, usually neighbors, ignore the very fact of violence. They are indifferent or simply do not know what to do in this case.

In which families does it happen and who is the victim?
Strange as it may seem, domestic violence is influenced by many factors, including social, racial, ethnic and economic status. Domestic violence is a common problem for poor families. Typically, in wealthy families where couples are educated, violence is rare. The victims of domestic violence are very often women, followed by children. There are times when a woman is able to kill a partner in self-defense if she has been repeatedly bullied by him. Women are very sensitive to violence against their children.

How to tell if a woman is being abused?
At first glance, this is very difficult to do. Many women are ashamed to admit that their husband is a tyrant. In society, as a rule, such couples look harmonious and happy. Sometimes even parents do not know about family problems.

What to do?
Many people believe that family problems should be solved in the family and not brought up to the public. However, this should not apply to violence. If suddenly a woman in a neighboring apartment calls for help, please do not hesitate to call the police.

Domestic violence problems are very complex and sometimes extreme. It can persist even if the abuser moved or was convicted. In these cases, women think it is easier for them to deal with domestic violence than to worry about accidentally meeting their ex-husband.

Protection of women by the state.
Protection against domestic violence is enshrined in legislation. This is a crime under the International Convention on Violence against Women. The essence of this convention is that the state is obliged to protect women and children from discrimination, all forms of violence, abuse, abuse or neglect. According to this document, violence is understood as any act of violence based on gender inequality, as a result of which physical, sexual or psychological harm for women in private and public life must be eliminated. The problem is the lack of crisis centers and competent staff to help.

When is a tyrant husband violent?
The perpetrator of domestic violence is a person who, in accordance with his needs, spills out his aggression. This is why domestic violence is constant and ongoing. Violence can be expressed, at first glance, in a milder form, which provides for the prohibition of the wife to meet with colleagues at work, friends, relatives, isolating her from the environment. Men often show domestic violence in the form of compensation for inconveniences at work, poor relations with their boss, or simply want to show who is the boss. Another question is why do abused women tolerate this? Basically, the reasons are the same. A woman often has no where to go, has no money, or tries to maintain a full-fledged family, where there are children, at any cost ... as well as many other reasons.

The manifestation of violence in accordance with the International Convention.

• The husband beats his wife regularly.
• A man violates a woman's rights.
• The man repeatedly threatens the woman with murder or serious injury.

Dear women! Do not tolerate violence against yourself. Remember that your life is at stake!

Today she didn’t add salt to the soup, yesterday she painted her lips brightly, and last month she stayed at work for two hours ... Even if you follow all orders, stop communicating with her friends, parents and glide around the apartment with a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.
What is this - the bad character of the husband? Unhappy fate? The reason for the violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.

The concrete cubes of high-rise buildings shine coldly with glass, protecting privacy. Each apartment cube has its own secret. Domestic violence against women is almost a taboo topic. Women try not to advertise such relationships, children are afraid to talk about it ...

Violence is a reflection of the swamp of the soul

Domestic violence for this woman is as familiar as borscht for dinner, but it is always shockingly scary, like the first time her beloved husband raised his hand against her.

Today she didn’t add salt to the soup, yesterday she painted her lips brightly, and last month she was two hours late at work. The list of unacceptable actions is growing, psychological pressure is growing. Even if you follow all orders, stop communicating with girlfriends, parents and slide around the apartment as a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.

What is this - the bad character of the husband? Unhappy fate? The reason for the violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.

Not every woman experiences domestic violence. This tragic scenario develops only if each partner has certain properties set by nature.

Domestic Violence Causes - Bad Wife or Bad Husband?

Married Dr. Jekyll, but is regularly abused by Mr. Hyde. Children every day fearfully await their father's return. The lessons were learned perfectly, there was not a speck of dust in the house, the recipe for the soup was carefully checked. But late at night a stern husband and father entered, the reason for discontent was found, and again there was no protection and nowhere to hide from his heavy hand.

Each person is created according to the principle of pleasure. He applies his properties and receives joy and satisfaction from it. But when the innate properties do not find implementation, voids arise, the so-called frustrations, a person feels unhappy. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains what the peculiarities of the manifestation of frustrations in everyone are connected with.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-vector psychology»