Muslim and Orthodox life. Marry a Muslim: juicy details of your future marriage

The content of the article:

Marriage between a Christian and a Muslim is a voluntary union of a woman and a man who profess different faiths and belong to different cultures, when a passionate feeling makes you abandon traditional Christian virtues and accept Muslim values, namely, complete submission to your husband, restriction of rights and freedoms in public life .

Are marriages between representatives of different faiths possible?

It is allowed to register love relationships between representatives of different religious denominations in any country. Restrictions apply only to the age at which you can officially marry.

Russia is a multinational state, more than 190 different peoples live in the country. There are over 11 million inhabitants in Moscow, and the Slavic brothers - Russians, Ukrainians and Belarusians - are a minority here. There are only 4.620.000 of them. The rest are representatives of other nationalities. For example, there are significantly more Tatars in the Russian capital than in Kazan.

Currently, there are more than 20 million Muslims in the Russian Federation, and this number is constantly growing. For 15 years, their number in the country has increased by 40%. If the growth continues to be so rapid, in forty years every fourth inhabitant of Russia will be a Muslim.

The Family Code of the Russian Federation (Article 156 “Marriage on the territory of the Russian Federation”) does not mention any restriction on the basis of nationality when entering into marital relations. So marriage between a Muslim and a Christian is quite officially possible. It is not a novelty and is quite relevant today.

Many Russian women marry Muslims. This is a matter of personal relationships, the state is not regulated. But Christian dogma imposes certain restrictions on such marriages. The apostle Paul also said not to bow under another's yoke with the unbelievers... (Second Corinthians 6:14).

But it was said a long time ago. Now times are very different. Orthodox and Muslims live side by side in the same country. They work, study and often live in the same hostel. There is no time for dogmas of faith. Yes, and the question is very intimate, but you can’t command the heart ...

All this is so. Only a girl who marries a Muslim can hardly be considered a true Christian. Did she wear a cross and even go to church on big holidays? So what? Now it is fashionable and does not mean at all that she was a believer, knew the tenets of Christian morality well and understood the differences between Christianity (Orthodoxy) and Islam.

And they are big, especially in the part that relate to the behavior of women in the Muslim community. Marriage between a Christian woman and a Muslim is possible these days, but often the epiphany comes "after". And then those who left for their faithful in a Muslim country rush home to mom and dad, and it’s good if they return without serious consequences for their health, physically and mentally not exhausted.

And yet, despite this, some girls without looking back "bride" with the faithful, leave their country and leave with their husbands to the promised land - to their homeland.

It is important to know! In Islam, women are inferior to men. One of the hadiths (a retelling of the words of the Prophet) says that “A woman is created from a rib and will never straighten up in front of you, and if you want to benefit from her, then let the curvature remain with her. And if you try to straighten it, you will only break it.”

Why do Christian women marry Muslims?

There are many reasons for marrying a Muslim. Home, which is given to justify such an act, that a great feeling makes you get married. And with a sweetheart, as you know, paradise in a hut. It is useless to point out to a stupid heart, but a reasonable one should listen to the arguments of the elders, or at least ask what awaits a woman of a different faith in the house of a Mohammedan.

Among the reasons why a marriage between a Muslim and a Christian is possible, the following should be mentioned:

• Love. In youth, all maximalists. And if the flashed feeling for a handsome brunette with a burning irresistible gaze is first love? She makes her mindless. Follow him to the end of the world! The girl agrees to become his slave and wash his feet, if only she doesn’t leave him. There are such simpletons by nature, they easily convert to another faith and, without unnecessary emotions, adapt to Muslim customs that are unacceptable to most Orthodox women.
• unexpected pregnancy. Let's say they are students, they often meet in addition to studying in companies. A fun student revel ended in a casual relationship. She became pregnant and wants to solve all her problems by marriage. And these may be the complaints of parents, the “crooked” smiles of friends and acquaintances. He is quite attractive, and he has money, because he came to study in another country. So marrying him is not the worst option. And that he is a Muslim and how life will turn out in the future, the girl does not really think about it. Such a marriage is short-lived, in the future it can cause her great trouble.
• Desire to move to another country. He is from another world. And everything is fabulous there, besides, he is rich, does not skimp on expensive gifts. And here is such a prose of life, parents give very little money to study. And I want to not only eat well, but also look beautiful. It makes no difference that he is a Muslim, their customs are strict, but fair. And loves me so. I'll go with him and I'll have a great life!
• Loneliness. The woman was already married. My husband, for example, drank a lot and even beat. A hopeless, boring vegetative existence. I had to get divorced. And here is an oriental handsome man with money. And how he cares, gives such gifts ... He promises to take with him, for example, to Turkey. Life is one, but you want to live beautifully.
• Business. He comes from, say, Turkey. He has a profitable business here. She works for his firm. A warm relationship developed into love. They began to live together, over time, the woman converted to Islam and left for her husband's country.
• The attraction of Islam. Now there are many divorced Islamist preachers, it is easy to find them on the Internet. They speak persuasively about the benefits of their religion. They stigmatize the vices of Christian society. For example, same-sex marriages, which are prohibited in Muslim countries on pain of death. Many girls (guys) succumb to this propaganda and accept a new faith. What this can lead to, a vivid example of this is the sad fate of the Moscow student Varvara Karaulova. She traveled to Turkey and tried to illegally cross the Turkish-Syrian border to join IS, the Islamic State terrorist organization banned in Russia.

It is important to know! There will always be women seeking to marry a Muslim. In the end, it's a personal choice. And it's not always fatal. However, the decision must be conscious, so that later it would not be “excruciatingly painful” for the mistake made, if it does happen.

Features of Muslim marriage

The marriage of a Muslim and a Christian should be viewed through the prism of the norms of Muslim law, enshrined in adat and Sharia. Adat are ancient customs that the faithful must strictly follow in their lives. And Sharia is the “correct way” given to people by the prophet Muhammad.

Islam states that a woman should be an outstanding person. For example, Khadija, the first wife of the Prophet Muhammad, was engaged in trade and herself invited him to marry her. Aisha, his second wife, left a lot of Hasidim about the Prophet - information about his personal life. Muhammad respected his many wives, telling his followers that "You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you."

But the Prophet also said that "Most of those who fall into the fires of hell will be women." Such a controversial opinion of Muhammad about the female gender resulted in a severe restriction of the rights of Muslim women.

For example, in Saudi Arabia, women are actually forbidden to ride public transport, all parts of the body must be covered. For disobedience, they can be imprisoned. And if you already got behind bars, then no early release, unlike men.

Therefore, a Slavic girl should think seven times before deciding to marry a Muslim. Will she be able to endure all the restrictions that the life of a Muslim woman will impose on her if she has to leave for her husband's homeland? After all, there you will have to change your faith.

Great love is not an excuse for a rash decision. Your feelings should be verified by reason. Passion can go away, but a broken destiny is extremely difficult to rewrite.

Life in a Muslim family has its own nuances that a girl who wants to join her fate with a Muslim simply needs to know. She must understand that the traditions of Islam regarding family relations are holy and unshakable. For example, without the permission of her husband, she should not spend money, she cannot leave home without a male escort for a period of more than 3 days. Otherwise, it will be considered invalid. This is already punishable.

The main features of Muslim marriage:

1. Husband is the head of the family. It is impossible to disobey, his word is strictly to be fulfilled. He can listen to the opinion of his wife, but the decision is his. Your man should be pleasing in everything and always, even in sex. Refusal of it without a serious reason (it could be, for example, the period of menstruation) is considered a serious fault.
2. Household. The wife is obliged to conduct all economic affairs around the house under the supervision of her mother-in-law. And strictly follow all her orders. She is the eldest among the women of the family. He has no right to talk to her of his own free will, only when she herself speaks to her.
3. Work Permit. You need to ask your husband for it, he can give it, but this does not free you from household chores. Muslim women can only work as doctors, nurses, teachers, other professions are prohibited to them.
4. A woman has no right to talk to strangers. For disobedience - severe punishment, they can be accused of prostitution.
5. Wearing a hijab. This is dark clothing that hides the body from prying eyes. What colorful dresses are here, so beloved by young people. Even decorations cannot be seen by strangers. Everything is just for the husband.
6. Can't leave the house. Only with the consent of your faithful, without his accompaniment or a relative, you can not visit, say, acquaintances.
7. Maybe more than one wife. I came to his home, and it turns out that he has three more wives at home. Muslim law allows polygamy. There is nowhere to go, you have to put up with it.
8. Punishment. The husband can punish if the wife stubbornly refuses to obey him. But hitting is not allowed. If she can prove cases of physical abuse against her, she can achieve a divorce. However, in this case, it is very unlikely that a Christian wife will take the children with her. The law is on the father's side.
9. Restriction on attending sporting events. Due to the fact that there will be involuntary communication with strangers, and this is strictly not allowed.
10. Can't drive a car. Accordingly, a ban on obtaining a driver's license. In Saudi Arabia, a female motorist is a big sin.
11. Internet restriction. Aspiring to marry a Muslim should know that in Muslim countries he is under strict control. Suppose there is a ban on social networks, dating sites, and others. The greatest restrictions exist in Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Jordan, Iran. Anyone who violates Islamic values ​​on the Internet can end up in jail.

It is important to know! The Islamic theologian al Ghazali owns the saying: "Out of 1000 virtues, only one applies to women, the remaining 999 - to men." Before a Christian woman marries a Muslim, all the pros and cons of such a union should be carefully weighed. So that later you do not repent bitterly and do not bite your elbows.

Consequences of a Christian-Muslim Marriage

Actually, all the features of the marriage of an Orthodox and a Muslim can become consequences. Happy or sad if the decision to marry was made hastily.

It is highly likely that he will be prosperous when the husband remains in his wife's homeland and even converted to her faith. And if they are both unbelievers, it is possible that they will simply live happily without burdening themselves with the religious dogmas of Christianity (Orthodoxy or Catholicism) and Mohammedanism.

In the homeland of her husband, if she decided to leave with him, the family can also be happy. And here a lot depends on the country where she left, and the personality of the faithful. Will he be able to provide his wife with the usual living conditions in a completely unfamiliar state for her. An important role is how the new family will accept the stranger.

The warehouse of her character also determines her future fate. How will she react to a new unusual life for herself, will she come to terms with it or will she resist a tough life situation.

A true Christian woman is unlikely to decide to marry a Muslim, even great love is not a reason to abandon the faith of her ancestors. And if this nevertheless happened, such an apostate departs from Christian morality, loses herself in God. He turns away from her, the realization of this will torment her soul for the rest of her life.

It is not easy to break oneself for a person who is used to living freely, without taboos that are wild in the 21st century. And there are many such in Islam for men, and even more for women. For example, the Islamic preacher Abu Isa at-Tirmidhi, who lived in the 9th century, said: "If a woman is disobedient or immodest, her husband has the right to beat her, but not break her bones." He believed that if a husband wants intimacy with his wife, she must obey unquestioningly, "even if she bakes bread by the oven," since she "has no power over her body, even her milk belongs to her husband."

Sharia speaks about the inequality of women. For example, in court, the testimony of two women is equal to the testimony of one man. A Muslim can cheat on his wife, and interestingly, he can enter into short-term marriages from one hour to a year. In fact, this is the resolution of prostitution.

And God forbid the wife look at someone else's man or she will be convicted of adultery. This can end very sadly, for example, they can be stoned. Such punishment is not practiced in all Muslim countries, but in Somalia in 2008 there was a case when a teenage girl was beaten only on the grounds that she was allegedly raped by three men. The Islamist authorities interpreted this as inciting them to violence.

The Orthodox must certainly be aware of such and many other consequences of marriage to a Muslim before deciding to marry a Mohammedan. So that later all the severe restrictions on the rights and freedoms of women that reign in Muslim society would not be a heavy duty for her. If this does not stop - love is above all, then happiness.

But more often than not, women have a very vague idea of ​​the consequences of marriage to a Muslim. In the Soviet Union, there were cases when a girl married a guy from Central Asia. Suppose he served where she lived. The soldier seemed like a nice and reliable person, and upon arrival with his young wife to his home, he suddenly turned out to be a despot. His relatives also did not want to recognize her. And this for a woman became a great tragedy.

Today, a Muslim often takes his girlfriend to his country. All roots with relatives break off. And what can happen to her in a foreign land, if life does not work out, it’s hard to say. Many ordeals fall on the lot of the unfortunate, and it’s good if you manage to return to your homeland. And someone comes to terms with their share. But such a fate can hardly be called happy.

In our turbulent times, it is especially dangerous that preachers have appeared among young Muslims who describe the charms of Islam to the Slavs and even marry them. But in fact, women are recruited into the ranks of various terrorist groups banned in Russia. And this is the most terrible side of marriage alliances with Muslims. It happens that such women become suicide bombers.

Watch a video about the marriage of a Christian and a Muslim:

Marriage between a Christian and a Muslim is a very serious step. There are many "whirlpools" invisible to the inexperienced eye, in which you can turn around and get confused. First of all, this applies to women who have decided to link their fate with a native of a Muslim country. Feelings are good. But a sensible decision is better! If a girl does not value her personal freedom and is ready for self-sacrifice in the name of love, then the flag is in her hands! But unfortunately, sad stories often happen in life, when a rash act can pretty much spoil life. And not only to spoil, sometimes it can be lost.

12:51 2018

What awaits us? What will the parents say? Can a Muslim marry a Christian? What rights do brides have? How about polygamy? Can we be happy? And if so, how long? But what about our children? And many more similar questions, the answers to which, in my opinion, are overgrown with myths. Therefore, I will try to tell you what you should really prepare for.

To begin with, let's put a bullet in the answer to the question: "Is it possible marriage between a Christian and a Muslim? Yes. A Muslim man is allowed to marry women from the People of the Book - Christians, Jews. To do this, you do not have to renounce your faith, wear a hijab and so on. The Quran clearly states that there is no compulsion in religion. But, of course, it is desirable for a girl to still accept Islam and profess the same faith with her husband. When you get married, it’s like you sit in the same boat, and if everyone rows in their own direction, how far will you sail?

In the first case a christian is about to get married behind so-called "nominal" or ethnic Muslim. That is, a person considers himself a Muslim, but has no inclination towards Islam and religious practice. Throughout life, such couples are guided by the usual moral principles and values. It is possible that the husband will go to the mosque twice a year on major holidays or observe the traditions of his people. Especially enterprising wives, and I know such cases, husbands even go to church on Sundays and do not mind icons in the house. There are actually a lot of such marriages. You can hear: “Over there, a neighbor has a Muslim husband, and he allows her everything - both to put on makeup and walk without a scarf.” Yes, it allows, but at the same time, the man himself is not averse to drinking and stares at the girls. And this is exactly the case when it is necessary to separate the "flies from cutlets." It must be understood that being called a Muslim and being one are two different things. Such families are considered Muslim, as a rule, because of the place of residence or the eastern surname, but not because of the way of life. Their longevity falls into the statistics of secular marriages.

In the second case marriage of a muslim and a christian not limited to the registry office. If you find that your faithful one turned out to be also orthodox, then you have a direct road to the mosque to legalize marriage not only before society, but also with the Almighty. Often, during nikah, a woman will still be asked to pronounce the shahada (evidence of Monotheism). Many do this not nominally and in fact convert to Islam over time. But there are also reverse cases. So, for example, one of my friends went out marry a Turk and divorced 5 years later. Since after the birth of a child, all the differences that are possible between Muslim and Christian. When the husband wanted to teach his son namaz, the wife continued to memorize "Our Father" at night. Think about whether you are ready for compromises in such vital issues, and agree on everything “on the shore”. And if you do not plan to raise a child in the Muslim faith, then why associate life with a person of other principles? The strongest families are those where the wife literally “follows her husband”: she completely accepts his way of life, she herself observes religion and helps her husband when everyone is in his place and fulfills his duties.

The third option is nikah without a registry office. Good news: Muslim can marry Christian simply by making a nikah in the nearest mosque. Two witnesses are enough, which are usually friends, and the imam acts as the guardian of the girl. The bad news is that almost all such marriages fail within the first two years, and the children born into such families grow up without a father. Remember, and better write in bold letters: never agree to such adventures! Despite the fact that polygamy is allowed in Islam and is supported at the state level in some countries of Asia and Africa, the proportion of such marriages in these countries is very low. But for some reason, young beauties are in a hurry to fill up the sad statistics and get entangled in stories about which television and the Internet then make noise. Dear girls, before you leave marry an arab or another eastern prince, understand: men love what they invest in. A marriage concluded in 5 minutes in a mosque, even with a decent gift, is nothing more than a way to quickly and legally access intimate relationships. Do not rush to become the second, third, fourth, because the world is full of divorced and even widowers. Why deliberately put yourself in a disadvantageous and obviously losing situation? But even if you are the first and only, and your betrothed only speaks of love and is in no hurry to collect the necessary certificates for the embassy and marriage, run away from him. Most likely, this person is not distinguished by decency and responsibility for loved ones.

So, what is the first thing you should pay attention to before leaving marry a Muslim. We list the main points for a happy and long marriage:

1. Start. As the proverb says: “A good start is half the battle pumped out.” It matters where and under what circumstances you met. It is doubtful that a marriage in which the future spouses met at a disco or on the beach will be blessed. If you are still in search, then be sure that the phrase "I want to get married" clearly visible to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, even among Muslims there are people with bad intentions, so be especially careful in public places if you are alone or with a girlfriend. Choose a spouse from your environment or on the recommendations of friends.

2. Time. Never rush out early marriage. To protect your interests in Islam there is a wonderful custom - engagement (al-hitab). In this case, before marriage, the young people have time to get to know each other and make a well-considered, balanced decision. It is better to spend months clarifying all the issues before the wedding than to suffer all your life with a stranger or get a divorce in six months. In my experience, most hasty marriages end up extremely unsuccessful and unhappy. Don't make hasty decisions, don't burn bridges, and don't follow your feelings. The hadith says that slowness is from Allah, and haste is from Shaitan. If you are going to create a strong and durable family for life, then arm yourself with this wisdom.

3. Family. Be sure to meet the groom's close relatives. May your future husband receive a parental blessing. Also take a close look at the lifestyle in his family. How religious are the mother and father of the chosen one, what kind of relationship do they have. In 99% of cases, a man copies the behavior of his parents. Be wary if he hides you from everyone or is silent about the facts of his biography. Some peoples, especially in the Caucasus, highly discourage marriages with women of other nationalities. And if the groom's family is categorically against your joint future and sees you as a stranger, you should seriously think about it. It is equally important what position your future husband takes in a difficult situation. Whose side is he on: does he support you or is the opinion of his parents more important to him? You will also enlist the support and understanding of loved ones before you go out. marry a muslim. And realistically assess your chances - whether you can fight for happiness all your life with your husband or alone, and also think about the consequences for children.

4. Customs. A very important point, since not all Muslims are guided only by the Koran. In many nations, traditions are so firmly rooted in everyday life that it is simply stupid to discount them. Study the customs of the people of your chosen one and try to try on yourself whether it suits or not. If something confuses you in the behavior of a young man, then ask yourself the question: would he treat me this way if I were ... (for example, an Arab, Ingush, Tatar, etc.). If the answer is no, then you should be on the lookout. For example, in the East it is customary to give women a lot of gold for a wedding and organize magnificent ceremonies, and your gentleman suggests limiting himself to a table in a cafe and instead of teaching mahr Surah of the Qur'an. Or if it is customary for the daughter-in-law to clean and cook for the whole family, and the man says that there will be no problems in everyday life. Get ready to adopt other people's traditions, learn the language, live in an unusual environment, adapt to a different culture. Are you aware that you will have to change, and not your husband?

5. Language. At first, a few phrases may be enough for you, but for living together in an interethnic marriage, be prepared to learn the language of your spouse, especially if you go to his homeland. It is ideal to attend language courses, but you can use tutorials and lessons, which are now abundant on the Internet. It should also be taken into account that languages ​​will have to be taught to their children. Over time, you will master all the subtleties and rules of bilingual families, but to maintain literacy and a good level of two languages, you will have to work hard.

6. Documents. If the Muslim groom is not a citizen of the Russian Federation, then you will also have to comprehend the intricacies of international law. It doesn’t matter where you live, the rule “you’re an insect without a piece of paper” applies everywhere. Keep in mind that you need to complete all the documents for marriage, take care of the timely extension of visas and obtain a residence permit for yourself or your future spouse. Often this process requires not only money and time, but also nerves.

7. Social status. Everyone probably knows the joke: “How to marry a millionaire?” - Marry a billionaire. In real life, unfortunately, the opposite is often the case. Women fall in love with unmercenaries and mold them into millionaires. They are ready to sell apartments, to give away their savings only for them to be sworn in eternal love. Why this scheme works well with an Egyptian animator or a Tajik guest worker, but does not work with a Russian janitor or a waiter - I do not understand. But the fact remains. Unfortunately, even among my friends there are such victims. Problems can be avoided if you initially look for a spouse of equal status. In fairness, it should be noted that many couples start from scratch. But even if the chosen one is from a poor family, he must have the potential, the desire to develop and improve, and not live at someone else's expense. There is no “dowry” in Islam, but there is the concept of “ mahr"- a wedding gift for a woman, and the responsibility for material support after marriage is entrusted entirely to men.

But the most important thing is religion. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “Indeed, each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for the flock. A man is a shepherd for his family and is responsible for his flock.”(Muslim, "The Book of Government", 5, 1213).

Is Nikah done for those who, being non-Muslims, got married in the registry office or got married in a church, and then converted to Islam

The opinions of the majority of Islamic scholars, based on the source (Quran and Sunnah):

If your faith with your wife was Christian and you both converted to Islam, then your marriage is valid and the children are born in marriage (legal), the past marriage is recognized, and there is no need to perform nikah again. And if they were ethnic Muslims, then all the more it is believed that they had Nikah.

Because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not renew his marriage with Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) after Islam, and did not require his companions to re-read Nikah after accepting Islam.

Providing for wife and child after divorce

1 - Divorced by a non-final divorce with the right to return her, material support and housing are due, and this is the responsibility of the husband until the deadline for divorce ('iddah) expires, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاء فَطَلِّقُوهُنَّ لِعِدَّتِهِنَّ وَأَحْصُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ رَبَّكُمْ لاَ تُخْرِجُوهُنَّ مِن بُيُوتِهِنَّ وَ لاَ يَخْرُجْنَ

“O Prophet! When you divorce wives, then divorce within the prescribed period, keep track of this period and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not drive them out of their homes, and let them not go out of them” (65:1).

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لاَ تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ

« Settle them where you live yourself - according to your income. Don't harm them by wanting to embarrass them"(65:6).

2 - Divorced by a final divorce, neither material support nor housing is required. The reason for this is the decision of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), when Fatima bint Qais (may Allah be pleased with her) turned to him after her husband divorced her with a final divorce, with the question: does she rely on him for maintenance, on what The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: You are not entitled to any maintenance or housing "Muslim 1480. The version given by Abu Dawud says:" You are not entitled to maintenance unless you are pregnant. » Sahih Abu Dawud 2/433.

3 - A pregnant divorcee, even if she is divorced by a final divorce, according to the unanimous opinion of scientists, is entitled to maintenance and housing until she gives birth. The proof of this is the words of the Almighty:

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لا تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ وَإِن كُنَّ أُولاَتِ حَمْلٍ فَأَنفِقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ حَتَّى يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ

“Settle them where you live yourself - according to your income. Do not harm them by wishing to embarrass them. If they are pregnant, then support them until they are relieved of their burden ”(65:6).

4 - The obligation to bear the cost of the children rests with their father, whether they are married or divorced, rich or poor. A woman is not required to bear the cost of them, with their living father. And on this issue, all scientists agree.

Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy on him) in al-Mughni 8/169-170 narrated the words of Ibn Mundhir (may Allah have mercy on him): “ All the possessors of knowledge, from whom we adopted knowledge, unanimously agreed that a man is obliged to support children who do not have their own property.».

5 - If, after a divorce, the children are in the care and upbringing of the mother, then she can demand payment from her ex-husband for the custody and upbringing of the children. See Mawsu'a al-Fiqhiya 17/311 and also Sharh Muntaha al-Iradat 3/249.

6 - If a woman breastfeeds a child, then she has the right to demand payment from her ex-husband for this, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ وَأْتَمِرُوا بَيْنَكُمْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ

« If they breastfeed for you, then pay them a reward and consult among yourselves in a good way."(65:6).

This verse refers to divorced women.

Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him) was of this opinion, the same opinion is the most common and well-known in the madhhab of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him). Sheikh al-Islam ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) preferred this opinion, see al-Ikhtiyarat 412-413, and from modern scholars this opinion was held by Sheikh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him), see below. "ash-Sharh al-Mumti'" 13/515-516. See also al-Mughni 11/431 and al-Fataawa al-Kubra 3/347.

7 - Material provision includes: housing, food and drink, clothing, education, and other things that children will need.

8 - The amount of material support, as well as payment for breastfeeding, and payment for the care and upbringing of children, is determined by the customs of their locality and time. At the same time, taking into account the condition and position of the ex-husband, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ لا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلا مَا آتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا

“Let the one who has wealth spend according to his wealth. And the one who is constrained in means, let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a person beyond what He has given him. After hardship, Allah creates relief” (65:7).

The rich must bear material costs in accordance with their position and condition. Having an average income, in accordance with his position, is also poor. Or the parents themselves can agree on a certain fee, small or large. If the parents cannot agree on the amount, then the Shariah judge must determine the amount of material expenses for the child.

But still, it is better for them to come to a mutual agreement and appoint a certain amount that will allow the child and his guardian mother to live without need.

Father, I have a problem.

What's the matter?

You see, I love one person very much, I just can’t live without him.

Well, what's the question? Sign, get married and live happily ever after!

Well, you see, my lover is a Muslim. He's not a fanatic. He eats pork, does not perform prayers, but by origin he is a Muslim and therefore does not want to renounce the faith of his ancestors. He believes in God, and we believe that God is one, and if so, then there will be no sin in our wedding. What does the Church think? After all, I am Orthodox, so I need to get a blessing for marriage.

Such a conversation happens very often now in our churches. And this is not surprising. After the Soviet era, there was a mixture of peoples. And the situation when believers of two religions want to marry has become very frequent. But how does God evaluate this matter? How to behave if such a marriage occurs? How to behave as an Orthodox spouse of an adherent of Islam? We will answer these questions in this work.

HOW DOES THE CHURCH POINT ON MARRIAGE WITH GENTIERS?

Contrary to the opinion of many, both the word of God and the rulings of the Church clearly condemn marriages between Christians and non-Christians. If we look at the Holy Scriptures, we will see that almost throughout the entire sacred history, God warns against mixing people faithful to Him with those who do not fulfill His will. Already at the dawn of the world, the greatest catastrophe of the World Flood occurred, caused by the fact that “the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they are beautiful, and took them as their wife, which one they chose. And the Lord God said, My Spirit will not be forever despised by these men; because they are flesh” (Genesis 6:2-3). The traditional interpretation says that the sons of God are the descendants of Seth, faithful to the Lord, and the daughters of men are Cainites, and the mixing of these two genera led to the death of the ancient world. Remembering this terrible event, St. Abraham made his servant swear by God that he would not take Isaac a wife from the daughters of Canaan (Genesis 24:3). In the same way, one of the reasons for Esau's rejection was that he took the Hittites as his wife. “And it was a burden to Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:35), so that the latter said that she “is not happy about life because of the daughters of the Hittites” (Genesis 27:46).

The law of God fixed this norm in writing: “Do not take from their daughters wives to your sons and do not give your daughters in marriage, so that their daughters, who commit fornication after their gods, do not lead your sons into asceticism after their gods” (Ex. 34, 16 ). And “then the wrath of the Lord will be kindled against you, and He will soon destroy you” (Deut. 7:4).

And, indeed, this threat overtook those who violated the covenant of the Lord. Beginning with the terrible defeat at Baal-peor, when 24,000 people died, only a blow from the spear of Phinehas stopped the punishment. (Num. 25) During the reign of the judges, Samson dies because of the Philistine Delilah (Judg. 16), and before the terrible fall of the wisest king Solomon, whose heart was corrupted by his wives. (1 Kings 11:3). God immediately punished those who violated His command.

Moreover, this commandment was in no way connected with the concept of purity of blood. Rahab - a harlot, Zipporah - the wife of Moses, Ruth - a Moabite, who abandoned their false gods, entered into the people of God. This commandment became especially important for Saints Ezra and Nehemiah, who struggled with the mixing of the chosen people with foreigners (1 Ezra 9-10; Nehemiah 13:23-29).

The Word of God calls mixed marriages "a great evil, a sin before God" (Neh. 13:27), "iniquity exceeding the head, and guilt that has grown to the heavens" (1 Ezra 9:6). Prop. Malachi declares: “Judas acts treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judas humiliated the holiness of the Lord, whom he loved, and married the daughter of a strange god. “The one who does this, the Lord will destroy from the tents of Jacob the one who watches on guard and answers and offers sacrifice to the Lord of hosts” (Mal. 2, 11-12). Is it not in fulfillment of this curse of God that the children of such criminals and criminals become atheists, and often die?

When the New Testament came, the law of Moses was transcended by the grace of the gospel: nevertheless, this command of the Lord remained in force. The Apostolic Council in Jerusalem commanded the Gentile converts to refrain from fornication (Acts 15:29), from which the interpreters deduce the effectiveness of all the marriage prohibitions of the Old Testament for Christians as well. Further, the apostle Paul, allowing his wife to marry a second time, adds "only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7, 39).

It has always been obvious to Christians that they cannot marry infidels, and this was strictly enforced, despite the fact that Christian communities were very small. So swmch. Ignatius the God-bearer writes: “Tell my sisters to love the Lord and be pleased with their husbands in the flesh and in the spirit. Instruct my brethren in the same way, in the name of Jesus Christ, to “love their wives as the Lord Jesus Christ loves the Church.”… It is good for men and women who marry to do so with the blessing of the bishop, so that the marriage is according to the Lord and not according to lust.” So did the other holy fathers. For example, holy. Ambrose of Milan says: "If marriage itself should be sanctified by a priestly cover and blessing: then how can there be marriage where there is no agreement of faith."

This teaching was directly expressed by the Orthodox Church through the mouths of the Ecumenical Councils. Canon 14 of the IV Ecumenical Council imposes penance on those readers and singers who marry non-believers or give their children to such a marriage. In accordance with the interpretation of ep. Nikodim (Milasha), this punishment is deposition. Even more clearly and without the possibility of any reinterpretation, the attitude of the Church to this issue is set forth in Canon 72 of the VI Ecumenical Council. It reads: “It is not worthy for an Orthodox husband to marry a heretical wife, nor for an Orthodox wife to marry a heretic husband. But if something like this is envisaged, done by someone: marriage is considered unstable, and unlawful cohabitation is terminated. For it is not befitting to confuse the unmixed, below to copulate with a sheep a wolf, and with a part of Christ's lot of sinners. But if anyone transgresses what we have decreed, let him be excommunicated. But if some, while still in unbelief, and not having been counted among the flock of Orthodox, were united among themselves by lawful marriage: then one of them, having chosen the good, resorted to the light of truth, and the other remained in the bonds of error, not wanting to look at the divine rays, and if, moreover, it pleases an unfaithful wife to cohabit with a faithful husband, or, on the contrary, an unfaithful husband with a faithful wife: then let them not be separated, according to the divine apostle: for the unfaithful husband is sanctified in the woman, and the unfaithful wife is sanctified in the faithful husband (1 Cor. 7, 14) ".

The same rule was in force in Russia before the revolution of 1917. According to Russian law, "marriage with non-Christians is completely prohibited for Russian subjects of the Orthodox confession," and such marriages were not recognized as "legal and valid." Children born in such a union were recognized as illegitimate, did not have the right to inheritance and title, and the relationship itself was recognized as adulterous. A Christian who entered it, even at that time, was supposed to be excommunicated from Communion for 4 years.

In the same case, when one of the heterodox spouses converted to Christianity, the one who remained outside the Church was immediately taken a signature that the children who were born to them after that would be baptized in the Orthodox Church. The Gentile will not in any way lead to his faith, and his faithful half will not be deprived of monogamous cohabitation throughout her life, and will not force her to return to her former error. If the unfaithful spouse gave such a subscription and followed it, then the marriage was recognized as legal; if there was a refusal or violation of these obligations, then the marriage was immediately dissolved, and the new convert had the right to a new marriage with the Orthodox. The great dogmatists of the 19th century, for example, Met. Macarius (Bulgakov) - they also considered it impossible to marry a faithful with a non-believer.

So both God and His Church categorically forbid Christians to enter into an alliance with non-Christians. And this is not surprising. Indeed, in marriage, two become one flesh, and how can he be happy if one of the spouses believes in the Triune God of love, and the other is afraid of a distant lonely ruler who does not allow to meet with him? How can those who wear the Cross on their chest and those who believe that Christ was not crucified be able to get along peacefully? What kind of family strength can we talk about when a husband has the right, on the basis of his faith, to make lovers for himself, whom he will call new wives or concubines?

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE ONE WHO MARRIES A MUSLIM.

But all these arguments, unfortunately, often do not work for those who are in love. They say: “I will be happy only with him anyway, and therefore I don’t care what God and the Church say.” One who says this cannot, of course, be considered an Orthodox Christian. But we also have something to say to her. After all, according to Baptism, it still belongs to the Church, and until death, secret ties unite it with the Body of Christ. This is both an honor and a responsibility. One who has already entered into a Covenant with God, even in childhood, can never become like those who are initially alien to the Creator. The prodigal son is still a son. God says: “Let there not be such a person among you who, having heard the words of this curse, would boast in his heart, saying:“ I will be happy, despite the fact that I will walk according to the will of my heart ”... The Lord will not forgive such, but immediately the anger of the Lord and His wrath against such a person will kindle, and all the curse of this covenant will fall on him, and the Lord will blot out his name from under heaven; and the Lord will separate him to destruction” (Deut. 29:20-21).

But from a practical point of view, such a marriage for a person brought up in the Christian tradition will certainly be unhappy. After all, the attitude towards a woman in Islam is unbearable for those who are brought up on the idea of ​​love between husband and wife as the norm of married life. For those who do not believe, it is worth bringing the Islamic norms of attitude towards the wife, which that unfortunate woman will have to fulfill if she wishes to violate the word of God. So, from the point of view of Islam, "a woman is obliged to listen to her husband and render him complete obedience, except in those cases when he demands what is forbidden by Islam." A woman comes to her husband's family. Without his permission, she cannot leave home, as well as engage in professional activities.

The wife has the right to visit her parents and close relatives, although her husband may forbid her to meet with her children from a previous marriage. In some Muslim countries, a husband may reduce his wife's visits to her parents to one a week. The wife has the right to refuse marital relations with her husband only if he did not pay the share of the dowry agreed in the marriage contract, or during the period of fasting. Unreasonable refusal of the wife will lead to her "dismissal", i.e. divorce. The same will end for her and the use of contraceptives. The holy book of Muslims, the Koran, calls on husbands to punish their wives in case of their disobedience, disagreement, or simply in order to improve their character. The Koran says that “God has exalted men in their essence above women, and besides, husbands pay a marriage dowry…. Scold them, intimidate them when they do not obey ... - beat them. But if the wives are obedient, then be lenient towards them” (Quran 4:38; 4:34). The Muslim theologian al-Ghazali calls marriage “a kind of slavery for a woman. Her life becomes complete obedience to her husband in everything, if he does not violate the laws of Islam. The upbringing of children is the exclusive right of the husband. Even if the wife belongs to one of the "revealed religions", that is, if she is Jewish or Christian. The upbringing of children in a different faith is prohibited by Muslim law.

Let's add something more about the attitude towards women in Islam. “According to a common hadith - the saying of the “prophet” - most women will end up in hell. According to Ibn-Umar, “the prophet said: O assembly of women! Give alms, ask more for forgiveness, for I saw that most of the inhabitants of the fire are you. And one woman from among them asked: Why are we the majority of the inhabitants of the fire? He said: You curse a lot and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen that any of those with reason would have more defects in faith and mind than you ”(Muslim, 1879). According to another hadeeth, "The Prophet said: I did not leave behind a temptation more harmful to men than women" (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

According to Sharia, “the testimony of two women in court is equal to the testimony of one man. Women are also forbidden to follow the funeral procession. A Muslim man has the right to marry a non-Muslim woman, but a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim woman.

But here it is also worth noting that, having married a Muslim, the wife should in no case expect marital fidelity from him. After all, he has the right to have up to four wives, as well as to conclude the so-called. "temporary marriages" for a period of 1 hour to a year (this is how prostitution is often justified). If the state laws of Russia prohibit polygamy, then in practice it existed and still exists.

So, dear ladies, entering into an Islamic marriage, you must be prepared for the fact that you will be treated like animals, and cheating, which is not even considered as such, and beatings from your husband, sanctioned by the Koran. (And for Muslim husbands, even in Europe, Islamic theologians publish special books on the correct ways to beat your wives so as not to mutilate your body too much, so that you can continue to use it and not fall under the secular court.) If you like all this - please! Just don't say that my lover will never do that, because he is good. In addition to your roommate (the word of God does not allow me to call him a husband), there is also his family, to which he himself is obliged to obey, whether he wants it or not. A little later, we will give evidence of what awaits a woman in reality if she falls into a modern Islamic family. But first, let's also say that you do not need to count on a long and happy life in a strong family. After all, according to the rules of Islam, a husband can easily divorce his wife. This may be a proper divorce (muborot) at the request of the husband with an explanation of the reasons, or a joint decision of the husband and wife, or it may simply be a divorce at the request of the husband without explaining the reasons in a simplified form (talaq), after he utters one of the established phrases: "you are excommunicated" or "reunite with the race."

In the event of a divorce, the husband must provide the wife with the necessary property "according to custom." A divorced woman stays at her ex-husband's house for three months to determine if she is pregnant. If a child is born, it must be left in the father's house. The wife, on the other hand, can demand a divorce only through the courts, referring only to strictly defined grounds: if the husband has physical disabilities, does not fulfill marital duties, treats his wife cruelly or does not allocate funds for her maintenance.

At the same time, if the spouses suddenly want to reunite again, then in Islam there is a monstrous decree that for this the wife must first marry another man, divorce him, and only after that return to the previous one: “If he divorced her, then do not she is allowed to him after, until she marries another husband, and if he gave her a divorce, then there is no sin on them that they will return ”(Quran 2.230).

CHRISTIAN IN ISLAM. DESCRIPTION OF REALITY.

But now it is worth giving examples of how these norms are implemented in practice in the stories of our contemporaries. To begin with, let's cite an excerpt from a study by ethnographers who studied the state of affairs in Central Asia in 1980-1990.

“European women who live in marriage with representatives of indigenous nationalities are overwhelmingly non-natives. The history of their appearance in Central Asia is almost always the same: a young guy was in the army or at school, at work, met a girl, got married, brought with him. Several times I met a woman from a local Russian village as the wife of a Muslim. But there were no exceptions to the rule: it always turned out that she was not one of the old-timers, but came to the republic shortly before her marriage. Basically, these were those who were evacuated from central Russia during the war years.

Most often, Russian women agree to marry a Muslim, having a very vague and far from reality idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat awaits them. Many go to Central Asia for reasons of material well-being and cruelly repent already on the spot. (“There, in Russia, he, that is, the groom, that is, dressed in a European way, says that he has three houses here. And they come here - what should she do in a clay house?”). Often a young daughter-in-law is not accepted by her husband's relatives, and circumstances do not allow living separately from them. Sometimes they try to divorce the young, because without the consent of the groom, a local bride has already been chosen for him. Quarrels begin between the mother-in-law and the “freedom-loving” daughter-in-law in Russian. Therefore, many marriages break up at the very beginning of their life together. Most wives in such cases leave back.

Some of the young spouses endure the described tests, and then, as a rule, the following happens. Women gradually come to terms with their role as a daughter-in-law in a patriarchal family, learn the norms of behavior adopted by local residents, learn the language and, in the end, as the informants said, they completely “become Uzbekized” or “Tajikized”. In order to save a marriage by going this way, a Russian wife needs great patience. Then they begin to consider her theirs and treat her well - however, only on the condition that she converts to Islam and observes customs.

With women in such cases, dramatic changes occur. Their behavior, clothing, conversation, lifestyle sometimes become indistinguishable from local residents. It happens that a woman almost does not remember her native language. Here are a few short but characteristic stories: “A Tajik brought one girl from Russia after the army. At first, when I lived here, I cried, I came to complain, but now you can’t distinguish it from a Tajik woman: in language, in clothes (she wears trousers), she gave birth to five children and outwardly became similar”; “She was married to an Uzbek, she became Uzbek, her husband beat her on the head…”; “One was brought from Vladimir, very young. Has taken root. He hardly speaks Russian at all. I ask her in Uzbek: - Why did you become like this? - Don't know…".

And now let's cite the recollection of a woman who returned from Islam, describing from the inside all the "charms" of the Islamic family for those who left Christ for Mohammed:

“Since the age of fifteen I have been living with my parents in Germany. I was nineteen years old when I met Fatih. He turned out to be the only young man who really shared my views on this world, on God. I was Orthodox. He is a Muslim. When we met, my faith was in the cold. I saw only hypocrisy and hypocrisy in churches. I did not hear God in my soul. It was impossible for a person like me to do without it. When I do not feel God in my life, I get the feeling that I am not living, but gradually dying, that life has no meaning. Fatih was just a good friend. He was sixteen years old, but he looked older, and from his behavior and thinking, I would give him at least twenty. He deceived me by saying that he was 17. When I noticed that he gradually began to develop some feelings for me, I said that we should not meet again, since a relationship between us is impossible. We didn't see each other for six months. My falling away from the church continued...

I thought about Fatih all this time, and I missed him. Once, six months later, we accidentally met on the street, but did not say hello. And then they still phoned and decided to meet. Having met him, I realized that I had never met a more dear person (not counting my mother, of course) on this earth. I found out that he was very ill, so that the doctors saved him with difficulty. I imagined with horror that I could no longer see this person, who seems completely dear to me. I didn’t want any close relationship with him, because I didn’t perceive him carnally (on the contrary, it was strange for me to imagine that something like this could happen between us). But he said that he would not be able to treat me adequately, and I agreed to meet with him. And the next day he went to the hospital, as that illness resumed, and for two weeks I came to him every day, as a result of which I met all his relatives. This was probably not planned on his part, since he did not know how his family would react to such a phenomenon as a foreign and heterodox girlfriend. In general, they liked me, because I was shy and did not know what to say, and therefore I became more and more silent in their presence. When our parish learned about our relationship, a quiet panic arose. Our Orthodox people tried to help me, but pushed me more and more towards Islam…

In Christianity I can't achieve anything, I can't hear God, I can't get through to him. And Fatih guarantees me that Islam is also the right religion (of which I had little doubt). On the street, I constantly saw Muslim women, and their faces seemed so clean (internally), and I also really liked the hijab (Muslim clothes), I really wanted to dress the same way.

I read a lot about Islam and decided that it was worth trying to get through to God through another window. I pushed the idea of ​​Christ as God into a far corner of my heart and said the Shahada, after which I performed a full ablution and began to perform the previously memorized prayer. I also immediately put on a headscarf and changed my name…

Soon we got married according to the Muslim rite. Islam did not give me what I expected. I didn't feel anything. I tried to get through to God, but He did not answer me in any way, not even with some kind of sign. Only in the Bible, sometimes opening it in a random place, I suddenly read the answers to my questions. Prayer was very difficult. Repeating the same surahs from the Koran in Arabic five times a day - what's the point? Is this a prayer? It didn't make any sense. This had nothing to do with Christian prayer, where you can pray both mentally and with all your heart, according to already written prayers or in your own words. In Islam, there is only Dua - prayers that can be said in their native language. In them, I often asked God to show me the true path. What is the point of fasting in Ramadan if in the evening you eat so much that you feel sick, and during the day you are so weak that you can’t do anything? And women are also required to prepare food for breaking the fast.

For me, the fact that without the community you are nothing was also painful, and to break away from the community is a huge sin. And how could I fit into a society where everyone spoke only Turkish? It's not only that, I just got used to independence from childhood. Fatih's family was not very religious. This family is very problematic. Father is a player, mother is mentally ill, so all family problems always had to be swallowed. After all, taking dirty linen out of the hut is also a sin. (If your husband or mother-in-law beats you, you, as a Muslim woman, should not tell anyone about it). And she had a very hard time in her husband's family, because her husband's parents did not love her, and her husband beat her. Yes, he beat him, he really beat him. For 15 years of living in Germany, she never learned to speak German. She has a 7th grade education. Many European women are surprised why Turkish women do not leave husbands who beat them. Due to the fact that the structure of society is communal, they simply do not know how to live without their family. Better let poor, but family. Their personality is almost zero. They all depend on society, on the opinion of this society and on its decision. The last one was unbearable for me. If everyone was going to go to nature, but you don’t want to, you should go. Otherwise, you simply do not respect. If everyone sits and eats, but you don’t, you are an outcast. Fatih has another older brother (Mehmet), a younger brother (Ilker) and a younger sister (Nergiz). The older brother is a favorite, Fatih is already less loved, since he is not the first-born, Ilker was painfully fat from early youth, Nergiz is a very shy, fat and hunchbacked girl who, for some reason, also began to wear a headscarf at the age of 12. By this, she, as it were, tore herself even more from the world, and through this from the normal development of individuality. She has no girlfriends, after school she sits in the living room and watches Turkish TV.

I was annoyed by such an unusual hierarchy for me: when I came to visit (this was even before the conversion to Islam, because after that I was already “my own” with all the responsibilities), Fatih asked if I wanted mineral water. If I answered “yes”, he said this to Ilker, while Ilker sent Nergiz. So are the parents. If they ask Fatih to do something, he asked Ilker, and he asked Nergiz (he ordered rather than asked, since they did not have the word “please” in their vocabulary). As a result, the guys grew up lazy. When I appeared, I had to do a lot, because I could not turn my tongue to convey the request to poor Nergiz. I must say that in general, our relationship with Fatih was not so smooth.

After I converted to Islam, I often began to fall into tantrums, while scratching my face and hands, trying to drown out the physical pain from the mental pain. Where did the pain come from? Probably from the abyss that formed between me and God. Fatih tried to control me completely, just out of fear that something would happen to me, out of fear of losing me. He forced me to do things that in his eyes corresponded to my new status. I had to come to his house several times a week and help his mother, with whom we did not have a common language. She spoke only Turkish. I had to go to the madrasah, where I was unbearably bored, since the women there were only engaged in housekeeping, sweating in scarves and long-sleeved sweaters. There were no strangers, but the head of the family taught everyone so. They even slept in headscarves.

I had to spend as much time as possible with my family. At the same time, Fatih talked to them in Turkish, and I sat like a stump, not understanding anything and bored, because I was not used to not occupying my brains with something useful, even a book. He did not allow me to read almost anything, except for the books of Said Nursi (the founder of this branch of Islam) and perhaps the Koran, but only in Arabic. But from childhood I got used to reading a lot, and very rarely these were books that were harmful to the soul. I did not read detective stories and novels, but Fatih forbade me from psychology, and general cognitive literature, and the classics. I had no right to go anywhere without his knowledge. In itself, this is not so scary if he would at least sometimes allow something. Almost everything I asked him about, he forbade me. I mean, I've already started doing things in secret, just because the taboos prevailed. So, I secretly studied Russian, read the classics. Turkish was not very bad for me, but because of the terrible mental imbalance and constant fears of Fatih's wrath, I simply did not find the strength to study Turkish systematically. In his family, I still remained a stranger, because I did not know the language and could not understand the culture itself. How can you sit and wiggle your tongue so often and so much without doing anything?

I was struck by the underdevelopment of individual thinking and thinking in general as such. As a rule, the men’s company was separated from the women’s, and then I didn’t even have the opportunity to ask Fatih what the conversation was about. Fatih was terribly afraid of my tantrums and sometimes he simply did not know what to do with me. As it turned out later, he, the poor man, also constantly lived in fear that he would piss me off. And he, having good intuition, felt that I was not entirely sincere with him and did not really trust him. He often had nightmares that I take off my headscarf and live dissolutely. And so our relationship was full of fear and resentment. Before the betrothal (imam nikah), everything was also very painful, as we needed to find out what we were going for and learn more about our rights and obligations in marriage. That's when it all started. He tried to convince me that I, as a woman, must be led by a man (especially in the spiritual aspect), that there is no other way, that I have no right to make decisions myself. He said that a man and a woman are not equal, while he constantly said that a woman is no worse than a man. I answered that he treats me like a small child. I can't make a single decision. Everything is decided for me. I argued that for my spiritual development, I needed to try to walk and get bumps myself.

We took a book about Muslim marriage and found out interesting things. It turns out that he has the right to lightly beat me in case of disobedience. I also did not have the right to divorce, with some exceptions (his sexual impotence, falling away from the faith, or if he takes a second wife). At that time, Christ stood at the door and KNOCKED IN MY HEART, which, feeling this, began to break. Open for Christ or leave the door closed so that Fatih does not run away? And on the day of our engagement, I, all in some doubts, took the brochure “Christian Woman” from my mother from the shelf. After reading it, I was filled with such happiness that I am a woman! A Christian woman, what a high rank, what a high role she has! After all, Christ was incarnated in the Virgin Mary. Salvation came to the world through a woman! Ah, that's how it really is. I saw submission to the head of the family in a completely different light. Because in Christianity there is a concept of humility… Reading this book gave me the courage to still marry Fatih. The engagement was modest. My parents were gone. By the way, about them. Mom patiently endured all this time my suffering, and dad lost a daughter in me. Only when I returned to Christ again did he say that it felt like I had not been here for several years, and then I returned. He was very worried. After the engagement, nothing has changed. We didn't live together, I don't even know why. It just so happened. However, I began to read Christian books again, including this site (“Orthodoxy and Islam”). I started to rethink things.

Then I invited Fatih to move in with me. We lived together for about a month. This time was very difficult. I was sitting with my mother (she lives nearby) and was afraid of Fatih coming home, because he wanted me to stay at home. Fatih, in turn, was afraid to come home to this atmosphere of fear and anxiety. I spoke to the priest. He advised me to start gradually conveying to Fatih that I cannot be a Muslim. I started from afar. Soon Fatih left for Turkey for 2 months. While he was gone, I took a sip of freedom and realized that I couldn’t go on like this. We talked on the Internet, and I said more and more directly that maybe Islam is not my way. He persuaded me to come to Turkey. There we often quarreled, and I understood more and more that it could not go on like this. Fatih accused me of many shortcomings, and I agreed with him. I really saw all my depravity and sinfulness, selfishness and pride, and much more. But how could I fix it? After all, in Islam there were no answers to this! Islam says what you should do, but it doesn't say what to do if it doesn't work out. And Christ came to earth and took all our sins upon Himself. And if only we turn to Him and pray to Him for the eradication of sins, and partake of His Holy Blood and Most Pure Body, then the transformation will gradually take place.

What's the point of me if they tell me "do" or "don't do". I'm weak. And so, after another quarrel, I told Fatih that I see no other way out, how to become a Christian. I cannot change for the better in Islam, and he wants me to change for the better. Since then, we have not ceased to part. First, he gave me time to think about whether this is really what I want. I flew to Germany, a few days later he flew too. He came not to me, but to his parents, and for the time being began to live with them. In the meantime, I put an icon in the apartment and brought a couple of Orthodox books. When he came to me, he asked what I decided. He saw the answer in the form of an icon. He left immediately. He said he would pick up things later. A few days later I went to church for the feast of the Exaltation of the Cross. He called me on my mobile and told me to be at home right now, as he wants to pick up my things. I said that I could not, because today is a big holiday. Then he just came to church. In such annoyance, I have never seen him before, he made me go with him. He told me something like this: “I found out from knowledgeable people, it turns out that I have no right to be married to you if you are a Christian, according to Sharia it is forbidden (meaning my apostasy). Become a Muslim, or we will part forever. And now your life means nothing, every Muslim is allowed to kill you.”

That evening and several more times, I succumbed to persuasion. I tried to convince Fatih that I am neither a Christian nor a Muslim because I don't know what to believe anymore. I felt like I was between two religions. Of course, all this was just a continuation of the betrayal of Christ. Fatih could not part with me forever, and we quarreled, then reconciled. He blamed me for everything, he scolded me for sacrificing the impossible (my faith) to him. Each time he parted with me forever and each time returned. And in the meantime, I became more and more churched, confessed and took communion. As for the fact that, according to Sharia, he does not have the right to be married to me, he said that this turned out to be unreliable information, and he continued to look at me as his wife. By that time, I had completely calmed down. The tantrums stopped immediately after I decided to leave Islam, although the situations were very conducive to mental imbalance. Our relationship was heading for a dead end, and we knew it. But they couldn't find the strength to leave. We celebrated the third anniversary of our relationship and soon learned that our marriage is invalid, as it is automatically annulled when one of the spouses falls away from the faith. And now, for the umpteenth time, we parted ways. Previously, it was only Fatih, and now I decided to help him, because I suddenly realized that it was selfish to keep him with me, since our relationship is a sin for him. And I tried to break up with him. But it didn't work out. All this is very difficult, he feels something in me from which he cannot forget me. Even if we don't see each other for a week, it's unbearable for him.

And how many times the Lord answered my prayers for him with the words of the Gospel: “And if you ask the Father for anything in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:13) and “whatever you ask in prayer in faith you shall receive” (Matthew 21:22). I know that the Lord loves him too, and if he loves, then, of course, wishes him salvation. Since I began to pray for him, he seems to suffer even more. Expensive things are constantly stolen from him or he loses them (including his mobile and motorcycle), he asks me to pray for him. And I pray and believe in the mercy of God, as well as in Fatih's intuition. Sooner or later, he must feel, and then understand, where is the truth and where is the lie. Where is God's mercy and grace, and where is the cold of Sharia laws and black and white vision of the world.

And still there is no person dearer than him, we understand each other without words, despite everything. Now that I have become a church as much as I could, when I have come to know again the love of Christ, even unto death, for me, the last traitor, I have understood a lot in Islam as well. I now know that in the visible purity of the faces of devout Muslim women, there is emptiness. Once, while reading Said Nursi's book "The Miracles of Mohammed", I noticed some lack of spirituality in these miracles. I remember, for example, how the prophet had to go to the toilet and for this nature lined up in such a way that, as it were, blocked him from people. And the fact that many of the miracles were performed during the war against the infidels shocked me. Are miracles important? The prophet did some miracles and at the same time killed the infidel after the infidel, not sparing the life of people, which is holy! And during the first sermon of the Apostle Peter, about 3,000 people were converted, without any violence, with only one weapon - a word filled with the Holy Spirit. If Christian martyrs testified to their faith, then Muslims - by killing others. Is the Spirit of God here, is grace here? If it is written in the Koran: “And the adulteress and the adulterer, flog each of them with a hundred lashes. Let not pity for them in the name of the faith of Allah seize you, if you believe in Allah and the Day of Judgment. And when they are punished, let a certain number of believers be witnesses ”(24: 2), then in the Gospel it is completely the opposite: when“ they brought to Him a woman taken in adultery ... He ... said to them: who among you is without sin, let him first throw in her stone ... And when, being convicted by conscience, everyone dispersed, he said: I do not condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:3-11). Much of this can be found if you read the Koran and the Gospel. Praise God for His mercy towards sinners. Here I am one of them, and I feel His love for me every day. God bless you all with perfect joy!”

This is a union of two people, but not always partners are similar in opinion or religious views. That is why certain difficulties often occur. To be happy with her husband, women are ready for a lot, even to change their faith. Christians and Muslims - is there a chance to become happy together or should a man with other views be preferred?

In fact, it's up to you, because if you clearly decided that are ready to give in and put up with some features, then it is likely that you will be happy. How is the marriage of a Christian and a Muslim different from the marriage of people with the same religion? You will learn about this in this article.

What awaits a woman who decides to marry a Muslim?

1. Religious controversy. Some of the fair sex are quite indifferent to faith or even deny any of its manifestations. If you adhere to Christianity, then it will not be so easy for you to marry a Muslim. Sometimes it is not so easy to adjust to new rules and principles, especially if you are clearly sure that you are right. If a Muslim yields or changes his faith, then this is some kind of exception, so you should be prepared that you will have to change. You can always remain neutral, but if you are a deep believer, you will not be able to do this for a long time.

2. Other requirements for a wife. Many modern women are clearly convinced that everyone on the planet is equal, regardless of gender, but Muslims do not think so. You will have to come to terms with the fact that your main task will be housekeeping and the readiness to satisfy the needs of your husband at any moment. If you are clearly sure that you are not ready to serve a man, it is better to refuse marriage with a Muslim. It is unlikely that a Muslim will forgive you for an unprepared dinner or unwillingness to have sex.

3. Willingness to obey. A Muslim always believes that he is right, and the opinion of his wife is a secondary concept for him. Remember how parents made them listen and obey? Be prepared that with a Muslim husband you will have to be just like that. Some women believe that Muslims absolutely do not listen to the opinion of their wives and act only as they want. This is not entirely true, because often they consult with their wives. But remember that no matter what you advised or suggested to him, the final decision will remain with him. Someone thinks that this is normal, but for someone this attitude is a disadvantage. A smart wife will always be able to present her opinion in such a way that a man thinks that this is his decision, so if your love is strong, it's worth a try.

4. You can't refuse intimacy. All excuses about headaches, bad mood or problems at work of your Muslim husband will not interest you at all. The wife does not have the right to refuse sex, because he is the head of the family, and his desire is the law. An exception may be the situation when you have critical days or you are seriously ill. Headache and just malaise is not a good reason to refuse sex. Even if you don’t want it at all, you will have to please your loved one and be the most passionate for him.

5. You will have to hide your body and face. Surely you have heard that many Muslim women cover their face and body. This is necessary so that other men do not have the opportunity to look at you. A Muslim wife can please the eye only of her husband, and she will have to hide from other members of the stronger sex. This requirement most often applies to Muslim women, but if you are a Christian and are going to marry a Muslim, be prepared for the fact that you will also be required to do this.

6. A Muslim can have 4 wives. In Christianity, it is accepted that one man can be married to one woman, but in Islam polygamy is practiced. Not all Muslims choose to marry multiple women, so chances are you might be the one for him. Your marriage will be more traditional for you if you stay in your country and do not go to his homeland. If you decide to change your place of residence, it is likely that he will eventually introduce you to another wife of his.

7. Husband has the right to punish you physically. Much has been said about domestic violence, but it is not something terrible among Muslims. If a wife does not listen to her husband, shows her character and tries to be equal with him, he can punish her physically. A rather unpleasant fact, but you should be prepared for this. The most important thing is that there are no traces of beatings on her body, because then the wife has the right to file for divorce.

Do not count on the fact that a Muslim will forget his traditions

Many women they sincerely hope that their loved one is quite modern, and all traditions are not as important for him as for more mature representatives of the Muslim faith. Often young guys go to study in other countries, where they meet Christian girls. Of course, they partially forget about some of the rules and principles of their faith, but this is rather short. As soon as he returns to his home, where his close people live, he immediately remembers the traditions and adheres to them in strict order. If you decide to go live with your chosen one, then be prepared for the fact that many things will surprise or even shock you. There is a good chance that your boyfriend will behave completely differently than in your country. You can convince yourself as much as you like, but marriage with such a person will not be easy, for sure you will have a number of difficulties due to disagreements and differences in faith.

As you can see, the marriage of two people who do not stick to one faith, can be quite complex and specific. You yourself must understand that the choice is yours, so decide what suits you and what is unacceptable for you. Now you know what are the features of marriage with a Muslim, so you will not be shocked. Listen to your heart, but do not forget about the mind, because you can just ruin your life.

Having decided to marry a person who professes a different religion, people do not always realize the consequences of such a step..

Where is it better to register a relationship, in the Russian Federation or in the homeland of your chosen one? Those who believe that this choice does not matter will have to be surprised.

Legislation on the possibility of marriage between Orthodox citizens of the Russian Federation and citizens of another religion

Marriage relations, their official confirmation by documents are regulated by the Family Code of the Russian Federation, if the marriage is concluded on the territory of the Russian Federation or one of the couple has Russian citizenship.

In Art. 156 of the RF IC, as well as in other legislative acts, not a single paragraph mentions the religion of citizens and does not impose any restrictions on the reason of belonging of people to one or another religious group.

The Russian Federation is a multinational country, with various confessions existing in parallel.

In large cities there are Orthodox churches, and synagogues, and mosques, and Catholic churches. The very citizenship of any of the countries does not define a person as professing any particular religion, religion comes from the depths of family traditions.

Another issue is the compatibility and adoption of laws adopted by different confessional groups. Orthodoxy, for example, does not impose such a rigid framework on the behavior and life of a woman as Islam does. In countries where Islam predominates, there are serious differences from the rules of life according to which Orthodox Christians build relationships.

Features of marriage registration

It would seem, what difference does it make where to register a relationship - in the spouse's homeland or in their own country.

But it turns out that there is a difference, and a significant one..

A wedding that takes place according to religious laws - in a church, temple, mosque, synagogue - does not make the union official, that is, it is not legally documented in any way, only the recording of acts of civil status gives the rights inherent in spouses, including property.

In Russian federation

Legislation represented by paragraph 2 of Art. 156 of the RF IC says that for each of the persons entering into marriage on the territory of the Russian Federation, the laws of the country of which this person is are applied, but only regarding consent to the union, marriageable age, restrictions, but not religious affiliation.

This legislative act indicates that if one of the future family has the citizenship of the Russian Federation, then all the laws of the Russian Federation apply to this spouse, and if the other half is represented, for example, by German citizenship, then the norms of law can be applied to this spouse candidate only German law.

At the same time, it does not matter at all what faith each of the couple professes.

It is important that the marriage is recognized in the spouse’s homeland, so you need to follow the rules for joining the union of another country. For example, there is a wide variation in the age for a union to be valid: non-compliance could result in the spouse's home country.

If there is a special agreement between the Russian Federation and the country of which the second of the couple is a citizen, then it is possible to register this union at the consulate, while the citizenship of the Russian Federation will remain with our person.

In a Muslim country

In other Muslim countries, like Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, etc., polygamy is still recognized as the norm of life and there are strict rules that infringe on the rights of women.

Marriage in a Muslim state does not require any registration, this procedure simple and unpretentious: an offer is made, which is accepted or rejected. A marriage contract is concluded by a man with each of his spouses separately. Rights in such a family, as well as duties, are completely different for a spouse and his wives.

Property rights are recognized for representatives of the couple only separately for each.

In a Muslim country, marriage must go through the procedure according to the laws of this state - according to Muslim custom, otherwise the union will not be recognized. A citizen of the Russian Federation (of any religion) must make sure that upon returning to his homeland, the union is also legal, therefore, you should contact the Russian consulate in the territory of a Muslim country, appear at reception hours along with the second half, with documents. It is necessary that the union, about which a document will be issued after being recorded in a special book.

The passport of a citizen of the Russian Federation should not have marks on the presence of a valid marriage, but in any case they will make a request and find out, since the absence of official relations is one of the main conditions for registering a marriage.

What Christians Who Marry Muslims Need to Know

Before tying the knot with Muslims, it is important for Christians to understand some of the circumstances that arise after taking this step.

man

A Christian who has become the husband of a Muslim woman will have to prepare for the fact that he will be subject to increased requirements for the material support of the family, because according to Sharia law, the maintenance of his wife and children is the responsibility of the man alone, and if she considers his efforts not fruitful enough, she can apply for divorce.

Having married a Muslim woman, a Christian man becomes the owner of an obedient, reliable, hard-working and not prone to obstinacy girlfriend in life. With a good material base, such a union has a favorable prognosis for many years, mostly Muslim women are faithful, restrained and patient.

woman

A Christian woman needs to weigh everything a hundred times before starting a family with a Muslim.

Even if it is a seemingly modern person with a higher education, he mother's milk gets used to dominance over the weaker sex. You should not be sure that in a few years he will have only one Christian wife in his wife, on the contrary - it can be assumed that quite legally he can have up to four wives.

A man who is an adherent of such a confession is accustomed from childhood to the obedience of women, to their lack of rights. There is no hint of equality here, the husband dominates everything, he has all the rights. He only has to say several times the words about his unwillingness to be in this union - and that's it, the marriage for his wife is over.

Children born in such marriages remain in the Muslim families of their fathers, the fight in the courts is practically futile, and the children will never be able to go to their mother's homeland. Not having the right to vote, a direct look, a raised head - it is unrealistically difficult to get used to this after a Christian perception of equal rights.