How to survive a divorce from your husband is easier. Psychologist's advice on how to behave after a divorce, video. Leaving everything acquired together to her husband and leaving on her own is the right way! Why is it harder for women to get through divorce?

24.06.2019

Today we will try to figure out whether there is life after a divorce and what psychologists say about this.

Divorce in our time, unfortunately, is commonplace. People get married quickly and get divorced just as quickly. Family values have shaken a bit in the last 50 years, and families fall apart very easily as a result.

The society caught on, the propaganda of nepotism began, but now we have to work with what we have at the moment. And at the moment we have not comforting statistics, for every 1000 registered marriages, there are more than 500 canceled ones. And divorce, meanwhile, is a phenomenon that traumatizes the psyche no less than a serious illness or death of a loved one. So this phenomenon is worth taking a closer look at.

In our article we will talk about those divorces initiated by men. In such cases, divorce is very difficult for women. for most women it becomes a certain problem, for a number of not unimportant reasons. The injured party will have to change the status from a wife to a divorced woman, and in this regard, she asks herself a lot of questions to which she has no answers yet:

Will I be able to love someone else?
Can I be alone?
Will I ever be happy now?

And these are not all the questions that pop up in the minds of a rejected woman forced to divorce her husband.

In addition to the mass of thoughts associated with the upcoming changes in life. A woman is overwhelmed by emotions, which sometimes she cannot cope with. If a woman feels that the feelings she is experiencing in connection with the current situation do not allow her to live a normal life, then there is a need to turn to the advice of psychologists.

It is extremely necessary to experience all the feelings associated with the end of your married life, the main thing is not to get stuck in any one. Next, we describe the stages almost every woman goes through after a divorce.

Stage 1 "Ice"

What do you feel: nothing, a feeling of emptiness, shock, indifference.

What should you do: this stage must be waited out. Your best bet is to find someone who can listen to you and tell him how you feel.

Stage 2 "Denial"

What do you feel: you cannot believe it; it seems to you that this is a terrible dream that is about to end.

What do you do: if this stage has come, this is already good, then the previous one has passed. And you again need to go through it and, if possible, discuss it with someone.

Stage 3 "Fear"

What do you feel: despair; insane fear for the future; powerlessness before what happened, and it scares you.

What should you do: at this stage, the best thing you can do is to share your fears again with someone who can listen. What is said out loud becomes less scary.

Stage 4 "Rage"

What do you feel: you are mad; blame yourself and your ex-spouse for what happened; you are ready to endlessly quarrel and quarrel with others, pouring out your resentment and anger on everyone.

What should you do: it is best to release the anger physically without hurting anyone. Write everything that enrages you in the form of a letter, and destroy it by tearing it into small pieces, pouring out all your anger in these actions. Exercising can be very helpful in reducing aggressiveness. Beat the dishes in the end, it can be very helpful to discharge.

Stage 5 "Despair"

What do you feel: most often it is depression, with all the states that follow from it: apathy, indifference, fatigue, a feeling of hopelessness and the feeling of guilt that constantly accompanies you.

What do you do: the main thing is not to get discouraged, for this you need to constantly do something. Do not close yourself off from the world, communicate with friends, seek their support, please yourself with little things.

6 stage "Calm"

What do you feel: ease, understanding that there is life after divorce, a sense of freedom.

What to do: rejoice that all the most difficult stages have been passed, you have gone through them and found the long-awaited peace of mind.

7 stage "Acceptance"

What do you feel: gratitude for past relationships, for the experience gained in them; a surge of energy and strength; a positive attitude towards the future.

Here are some practical tips to help you get through your divorce as you go through all of the above steps.

Don't give in to impulses. Many women find themselves so scared by the uncertainty of their future, without a husband, that they can commit rash acts. They resort to threats, blackmail, humiliation or indulge in all seriousness, just to somehow drown out the pain that tears from the inside. Try to divorce your husband without scandal. We usually deeply regret those actions that we do impulsively, without thinking. At these moments, we are only trying to do something, hoping to rectify the situation, thereby aggravating it.

Don't suppress your feelings. At the other extreme, suppress the feelings that you are experiencing, close yourself off from the whole world, and quietly die. This should not be done either. Talk about your experiences with people who are willing to listen to you. Pain and resentment should be spoken out loud so that they go away and leave no trace.

Make plans. A new hobby or passion can help let go of thoughts that weigh you down and keep your head occupied with something else. Fitness, running, singing, language learning, dancing, handicrafts, but you never know what you can do. You have gone through a divorce from your husband, you now have a lot of free time that you can fully devote to yourself. Dream and make dreams come true.

Maintain a positive attitude towards the future. You had a chance to divorce your husband, and of course you are going through not the best period in your life. But you need to remind yourself that these are temporary difficulties, and all negative emotions will be experienced and eventually go away. And they will be replaced by joy, lightness and freedom.

If you feel that you cannot cope on your own and are mired in pessimistic thoughts, then seek help from a psychologist. A psychologist will always help you to divorce your husband, without much harm to your mental state.

If you yourself cannot realize that there were many good things in your family life, which you need to remember now, then look for ways that will help you accept this. Find the positive side of having to divorce your husband.

Learn to live separately from your ex-husband. Divorce- this is the separation of people who were once emotionally connected with each other. And no matter how paradoxical it is, it is difficult for both parties to get used to the new order in their lives. It is very difficult to separate yourself from the person with whom you lived together, built a life with whom you had plans for the day, month, years.

In this situation, you need to analyze what prevents you from separating. Perhaps this is a habit, then you need to form new ones. If these are still feelings, then you also need to work with them. Unrequited love tends to pass if it is not turned into an obsession. If you have a feeling that you cannot let go of a person in any way and mentally continue to live with him, then seek help from a psychologist. The advice of a psychologist will help you survive a divorce from your husband, and finally disconnect from him.

Look to the future with enthusiasm. Probably no one succeeds in divorcing her husband and, at first, being a joyful positive person. Negative thoughts, a future in black colors, all of this is undoubtedly the companions of a woman going through a divorce. But you can't stay in this for a long time.

If after a long time after the divorce, you still cannot imagine your future brighter, you need to seek help from a specialist. A psychologist can give advice on how to divorce your husband and remain, at the same time, a woman who is ready to live on with the hope of a brighter future.

How a specialist can help if you contact him after a divorce:

It will help you look at the situation, divorce from your husband, from the outside.
It will help you find ways out of the oppressive situation for you.
It will help you survive a divorce from your husband, and understand that life is not over.
He will be the very person who will listen to you without evaluating or judging.
He will give practical advice on how to divorce her husband, and at the same time remain a self-respecting woman.
It will help you see the positive aspects of your divorce from your husband.
It will help you not to get stuck in one of the stages that you will go through after the divorce.
He will show you how to divorce your husband, and take positive experience out of this life situation, and not just negative experiences.
It will help you see your inner capabilities necessary to cope with the current situation.
It will help you understand the reasons for the divorce, so that in the future you do not make such mistakes.
It will help you understand the relationship with the people around you, so that you have the opportunity to seek help from loved ones too.
It will help you to believe that the ended relationship was not the last in your life.

Our article is designed so that every woman who has experienced a difficult divorce for her, could find an opportunity to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So that women who are in the stage of divorce understand that there is no need to go alone along this not joyful path. If you can handle the divorce yourself and move from one stage to the next, then that's great. But if you, or perhaps some of your friends, are stuck in one of the first five stages, then this is a serious reason to turn to a specialist.

Changes in life. How multifaceted is this concept. We take some with joy, some for granted. But there is a certain category of changes that we would like to avoid.

A divorce from a loved one or even a once loved one is a difficult stage in life, which is worthy to survive with minimal losses and to get out of it renewed, not broken, difficult and, it seems, sometimes impossible, but quite a real thing.

Let's talk about how to survive a divorce from your beloved husband without losing yourself, learn to rebuild life, restore peace of mind, again believe that life is beautiful, and you will be happy again.

The psychology of a marriage breakdown

It would seem that the March of Mendelssohn sounded yesterday, you, lovers, accepted congratulations and kissed to the incessant cries of "Bitter!" And now, after some time, you look back and do not understand how it happened that you became strangers to each other.

There are no common topics for conversation, joint family evenings are not pleasing, but burdensome, dissatisfaction with each other grows like a snowball, and the gap between you is increasing every day.

And as the classic noted: "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The reasons for divorce are so varied that it makes no sense to list them.

However, the most common are still:

psychological incompatibility of spouses... In the wake of passion and emotions, we often draw for ourselves the image of an ideal partner and put this image on our future spouse like a kind of cloak, absolutely not thinking about whether it suits him? Is he comfortable in it? Doesn't this cloak hide the person himself? And having “painted” a beautiful picture for ourselves, we are surprised, after a year, or even five years later, we discover that the person with whom we live does not at all resemble the created and idealized image.

And here everything depends on the desire to see a person as he is, to accept him with all his shortcomings, quirks or peculiarities, to find compromises and be able to negotiate.

Appreciate each other and get to know again, and love this "old" new person for you. And believe me, every couple goes through this stage. And not for everyone it becomes fatal. This is the exception rather than the norm.

However, if the passion has passed, and deep love, tenderness, friendship, mutual respect did not come in its place, and only the question remained: “What am I actually doing next to this person”, such a couple will inevitably await a divorce.

spouse addiction(alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, etc.). A very difficult situation. A divorce from an alcoholic, drug addict requires determination, wisdom and strength from a woman. Very often the spouses of dependent husbands are sick no less than half of them. And the name of their ailment is codependency. To cope with it alone is sometimes an impossible task.
domestic violence... He beats, then he loves? A huge nonsense that women repeat, like a kind of mantra, trying to find an excuse. No. Not to the one who hits. To yourself. The one who endures and forgives. Crying, treating bruises, lying at work. And once again forgives. Once again. And more ... And finally finds the strength to break the hardest chains and literally "break free."
treason... Pain, betrayal, collapse of faith in everything around ... And the understanding that you cannot forgive ... Or, even worse, they do not ask for forgiveness ... Perhaps the most difficult option. Heavy with its suddenness, deafening truth about yesterday still close and dear person ...
inability to have children... Or the unwillingness of one of the partners to have a child. Quite a common reason for divorce. Outwardly prosperous families disintegrate.

The list, of course, is far from complete. Yes, we do not set ourselves the task of classifying and sorting out on the shelves ... What to do, how to help ourselves? For you - the recommendations of a practicing psychologist.

Recovery stages

Everything has already happened. Yesterday you were preparing a family dinner, and today ...

Pain

Despair rolls over, mixed with terrible resentment, bitterness, acute self-pity. It seems that life is over, or at least has lost all meaning. The usual way of life is crumbling, roles, goals, tasks change. A huge burden of new responsibility appears, which only yesterday lay on his broad shoulders. And the tears have already dried up, and the soul is a bleeding wound.

Sound familiar? Believe me, most women who have gone through a breakup with a regular partner experience similar feelings. Some more, some less. Much depends on the reason for the divorce, and on who became the initiator, but in any case, the first time after the divorce is the most difficult psychologically.

It is due to the fact that the usual way of life is crumbling, and in the event of parting with the beloved husband, the hardest feeling of loss is imposed.

What to do if you love, but he is gone? There is probably no single piece of advice on how to get through this difficult part of your life easier. However, there are several practical tricks that can help restore lost peace of mind.

Don't drive the pain deep. Don't play the role of the "iron lady". Or at least don't play it in front of yourself. Feel it, pay it out, throw out all the emotions.

Shout. Beat the dishes, after all. Give yourself the opportunity to throw out everything that is raging in your soul.

But you don't have to go in circles: I cried, I calmed down, I thought, I felt sorry for myself, I cried, I calmed down, and so on. One cycle is enough, but from the heart! Wash yourself with cold water. Put on sunglasses to hide your tear-stained eyes, a baseball cap and go outside.

You should definitely go for a walk. At a fast pace. Better, of course, in a forest belt, on the shore of a reservoir, in a park. But not everyone has such an opportunity. Walk - at least an hour or two. Walk until you are physically tired. In the meantime, take a look at the nearest stationery department. Buy whatman paper and paints. Any, but preferably gouache.

Arriving home, take a shower, preferably a contrasting one. Standing under the streams of water, try to imagine how it washes away from you, physically, all the pain and negativity. Imagine it as a layer of dust, dirt, paint on your body. Visualize your pain. And look how it leaves with streams of water. You are clearing yourself. Coming out of the shower, take paints, whatman paper and try to convey in color what is in your soul.

You don't need to be able to draw. Do everything intuitively. You can use brushes or cotton pads or fingers. Anything that comes to your mind. And spill it all out on paper. Before the devastation.

And depending on what emotions your drawing will evoke in you, either burn it (if there is pain, fear, resentment) or save it (if you were able to convey something light and positive - pacification, forgiveness, reviving harmony).

This is a simple exercise. But very effective. Crying for days, reveling in self-pity is a dead-end path. Find the strength in yourself. Help yourself. If it doesn't work, seek professional help.

The faster you go through this segment of the path, which, believe me, everyone who has known what divorce is, the better. For you, your children, loved ones, parents. The road will be mastered by the walking one.

This is where you build your new life. Take the first step, do not sit in the dust by the side of the road, reveling in self-pity.

Adaptation

Oh, and life, it turns out, is not over! This is the conclusion you will come to. Sooner or later, but you will come. And this very life dictates daily rules. It is filled with the obligatory chores and responsibilities that no one else will fulfill except you. And you can do it quite well.

And one day, the second, a week, a month ... And you can already fully think about what happened and not suffocate from the pain. No, it still hurts, of course, but in an abstract way, and the further, the easier ... This is an adaptation to the new realities of life. You are on the right track! Keep it up!

Video: How to forget a loved one

Psychologist's advice

You are well done. True, well done! Look around you. The world hasn't changed, has it? Birds chirp in the same way, the sun rises, a little kitten plays with a bow. Children laugh, old people grumble, boss, what a boss. He hasn't changed either. Welcome to your new life! Learn to see the good, it is. And do not expect that tomorrow will come and everything will change. Change today.

Take a bright, colorful, beautiful notebook. Better new. The most beautiful you can find. It is a beautiful, positive, and not a business organizer.

And every day, write down 10 good things that happened to you today.

Believe me, when you start analyzing, you will see that there is a lot of good in life - even if it is really, really bad at heart, just allow yourself to notice the good around you! And don't neglect keeping a Diary of Good Things. Again, visualize your desires.

Create a dream collage. On a sheet of Whatman paper, stick clippings from magazines, pictures from the Internet, symbolizing your most cherished desires for you.

The ones you really want and expect to achieve. Let it be unrealizable in your opinion. Do not limit fate! Give her a chance to fulfill your wishes!

Cure

Next stage. Congratulations! You are at the home stretch. You fully understand that the best doctor is time. And life really is not over! And that it seemed to you that everything, further and there is no need to live? Well, really, stupidity was then blasted off. And they doubted that everything would go away, that this would go away too! In vain. You have to believe in yourself.

The only advice. Do not throw yourself at all bad. Do not try to show your “ex” that everything is great with you: your career, and new shoes (or a car, who knows), and your friend is a hundred times better, and so on and so on. Do not. Let go. Live for yourself, your children.

Don't compete with anyone. Do not prove anything to anyone. You are still the best, worthy, beautiful, smart, etc. Do what you love, find a hobby, devote more time to your family. Live life to the fullest!

Normalization

Was there a boy? It's all over! New life, new relationship (or not, it doesn't matter). New experience, albeit difficult, but yours. You survived, you managed, you didn't break! You are admirable!

Psychologists advise not to plan a serious relationship before reaching this stage. This does not mean that new connections should be avoided. No. But it is not worth planning what your children will be called, the dog, and what to plant in the country in old age. Don't rush things!

Painless solutions

It is during this period that you can make balanced, sober decisions about your life, the future of yours and your children, and your relationship with the “former” for a long time. Wisdom, multiplied by past experience, will help you find a way out of any situation!

Stereotypes

Have you come across the fact that society has a negative attitude towards a woman after a divorce? And what caused this negative attitude in your soul? We are influenced by stereotypes, sometimes we become simply slaves of someone else's judgment and opinion. “A child needs a father, albeit a bad one, but a dear one”, “He beats, it means he loves”, “Who needs me after a divorce with two children,” “The world belongs to men,” etc. etc. Sound familiar, right?

But before, as everyone knows, the woman kept the fire in the hearth, and the man went hunting. The world has changed. Take a look around! Drop these archaic judgments. Don't let other people's opinions rule you! You are a self-sufficient, confident, beautiful, successful woman!

Be proud of yourself and don't listen to the angry hiss behind you. As another well-known character - the charismatic and inimitable Rhett Butler in the novel “Gone with the Wind” said: “The dogs bark, and the caravan moves on!”

Emotional addiction

Yes, a fairly common problem. Its roots lie in uncertainty, inability to make decisions, a desire to shift responsibility onto the shoulders who are more adapted for this. There is nothing to be done, you will have to fight with this.

Psychologist's advice

Here, perhaps, is the case when you cannot do without professional help. Group or individual therapy can help deal with the problem.

Change of life rhythm

There is nothing to be done, new life dictates new conditions. The rhythm of life is also changing. And you know, you must like the changes. There is more time for yourself, children, favorite activities. There is no need to report and make excuses.

Gathering with your girlfriends or shopping, walking in the woods or doing what you love - everything that you didn’t have enough time for became available to you!

Enjoy and don't look for reasons to be sad! No one to cook dinner for? Very well! Fill your bathtub with hot water, light candles, play music and relax!

Material problems

Perhaps there will be such. It is not excluded. Surviving a marriage breakdown painlessly is great. And let this serve as an additional incentive for self-development, the search for new ways of earning money, mastering new specialties, and improving qualifications. And at first, it is quite possible to find a small part-time job - on the Internet, master joint purchases, sit with a neighbor's child, bake to order, sew.

After 50

Surviving a divorce from your husband after 50 years is not an easy task. The children grew up, everyone has their own interests, and the husband decided that he was leaving "for a new, happy life." How to be? Get together and find the strength to let go. Find yourself an interesting job, seek support from children. Doing what you dreamed of all your life, and for which there was not enough time.

If there is a child

Don't be led by your emotions. Don't turn the child against the father. The kid (or teenager) should not choose whom to love - mom or dad. Let the father see the child. Be wise.

With an alcoholic husband

Do not carry the burden of responsibility for it. Understand that you are not responsible for him, but for the children, for yourself. If a person does not want to change, and in this case - to be treated, do not ruin your life

During pregnancy

Your main task at the moment is to bear and give birth to a healthy baby. everything else is secondary. Healthy egoism is essential in this situation. If it's really hard - seek professional help. And remember that all your experiences are reflected in the baby to one degree or another.

If he left for another

Let go. Do not compare and do not look for flaws in yourself. Just take it for granted that this is not your person. Yours is ahead. And keeping it forcibly, appealing to a sense of duty, the years lived together, to the paternal instinct is useless. You will destroy yourself, and you can be happy. Not with him, with another. But happy. Give yourself a chance! Let go.

With a tyrant

Only an emotionally flawed person will humiliate and torture his wife. Domestic violence is a scourge not only for the spouse, but also for the children. Appreciate yourself. Run without looking back. Don't take the victim path.

If there are small children

A husband, albeit a former one, is obliged to participate in the maintenance of not only the children, but also the disabled wife. If you have children, go to court with a statement of claim for the recovery of alimony for the maintenance of children and you until the children reach the age of three.

After 20 years of marriage

But life does not end. And you will still be happy. Necessarily. And if a person is not worthy of you, could not appreciate all those years lived together, and left, despite the many things that bind you, then rebuild your life. And let it be brighter, more interesting, warmer, softer than the previous one. You are still young, beautiful, full of strength. Do not despair.

After 30 years of marriage

Very often, having married at an early age, devoting her whole life to the interests of her family, husband, children, having lived in marriage for a greater segment of her life, a woman who is going through a separation from her husband after 30 years of marriage is completely disoriented. The way of life, habits, lifestyle - absolutely everything changes at one moment.

The main task of a woman in such a situation is to realize that that stage of life is over. A new, rich and interesting one begins. Children are adults, she is wise and still interesting, but she already knows how to understand people, she can not only be happy, but also realize herself in those areas that were previously inaccessible to her.

The main thing is not to give yourself a minute of free time. Work, hobbies, meeting friends, creativity, outdoor activities in the company of children or old, trusted friends - fill your life.

Do not under any circumstances take the position of the victim. It is not given to us to predict what the coming day is preparing for us! And it is possible that parting with your husband will allow you to open up in a new way, find harmony, love, care in other, completely new relationships!

After the betrayal

If there is no opportunity and internal reserves for forgiveness, leave. But don't program yourself to fail further. Believe me, not all men are the same. And once having gone through betrayal, you will be happy with the man who will appreciate you.

We hope that these tips will help you withstand a difficult situation, find the strength to look at life from a different angle, emerge victorious and build a new, happy life. Do not get embittered, stay gentle, feminine, open. Be happy!

Women endure divorce much more tragically and emotionally than men. Although in their hearts both experience the same, but for ex-wives this is more noticeable, especially if the initiator of the separation was a man. Not only is love "trampled down", so a woman also has a double complex due to her status: she is not only a "divorced", but also a "thrown". It means that something is wrong in her. And if the ex-husband also left for another, then for her this is a real blow.

Tears, belittles, threats, the participation of friends and relatives did not lead to anything - the former spouse is like flint. Divorced and disappeared. Depression is inevitable in the early stages of this time... "Help to survive the divorce from your husband!" - a real SOS signal from an abandoned wife to all those whom she trusts. And here, of course, the support of others is needed, although you yourself should not give up.

How to survive a husband's betrayal and an inevitable divorce on his initiative

Usually doctor Vremya treats. The most qualified doctor. And also close people, "wedge-wedge", and full employment. To begin with, I would like to tell a story from my life. This story is out of the ordinary, but even in this case, her heroine, Elena, managed to master herself within 3-4 months.

There was a wonderful family - he, she and their six-year-old son. Elena is a loving wife, a wonderful hostess, and also the owner of a golden character. The husband is all in business, he was late at work for a long time, but he brought all the finances to the house. In general, an ordinary exemplary family, and it seemed that trouble in this "nest" was not foreseen. Although my husband began to disappear more and more often on business trips, but for him this is a frequent matter.

New year was approaching, December 31 came. Elena laid the table under the Christmas tree, dressed up herself, dressed her son in a New Year's costume, and as agreed - by 9 in the evening, she was waiting for her husband. Husband came. Even an hour earlier. But not alone, but with some lady. He began to collect his suitcase in a hurry and "gave" his wife the news that he loves this lady who came with him, divorces Elena, and goes to live with his mistress, with the intention of marrying her.

It was even scary to listen to how Elena was worried about this New Year's Eve after the door slammed behind her husband - she rolled with sobs on the floor, not even paying attention that her frightened son was whining nearby. Outside the window fireworks and shouts: "Hurray!", But she does not want to live.

Then everything was trivial- depression, calls, belittles, requests not to leave them with your son. But it’s all to no avail, the application to the court from him had already been submitted, as it turned out, even in advance. Elena thought that she would not survive the betrayal of her husband and the subsequent divorce - everything was too sudden and very painful. But they divorced them quickly - literally in January, and the abandoned wife did not object, all the same, the spouse became like a zombie - indifferent and unapproachable.

After depression and support from relatives and friends, she slowly came to her senses. Her best friend dragged her to the courses to fill Elena's time completely. And in March, a funny incident happened: Elena was walking down the street, and suddenly she saw that a homeless woman was walking ahead of her, all like that: fi-fi. In a white fur coat, and around the slush. Lena did not think of anything else but to scatter and give a weighty pendal to that one under the skinny butt. The lady fell with her fur coat into a dirty snowdrift.

It seems that nothing special happened, but for Elena this case was like a life-saving pill. Laughter therapy and revenge. And in the same month, another pleasant event happened - she met a new love and soon married him. And the former then tried to return Elena back, but it was too late. Therefore, there is only one advice from her:"To survive a divorce from your husband, you need to go through all the stages in dosage: a little tears and depression (you can't do without this), the help of caring loved ones, full employment, light revenge and new love." Here is a recipe for future happiness.

How can you survive a divorce from your husband without pain and anguish?

Let's not touch on such reasons for divorce as infidelity and mistresses now. Let's say a man left you because it became unbearable for him to live with you, he was the initiator of a divorce, and reconciliation is impossible. Here, at least cry, at least fall into depression, the result is the same - he will not return to you. Not to give a divorce is stupid, on the third attempt they are bred automatically. The easiest way is to first agree and leave for a while.

Why? Here are the reasons:

you will change the environment. It is always easier for the one who leaves than for the one who remains;
you do not have to accidentally bump into your ex-spouse somewhere on the street;
you will not need to attend a difficult divorce proceedings;
you will rest your soul for at least some time to get used to this stage in your life;
you will be surrounded by other people who do not know about your current situation, and will not oppress you with their pity;

But you will choose the place of "dislocation" that will be to your liking. Return home after all the legal passions are over. Try not to stir up the past - do not look for meetings with your ex-husband, do not call him, remove him from friends on all your pages in social networks. There is no him and that's it.

How easy it is to forget your ex-husband after a divorce

Putting new wallpaper at home and moving furniture is the first thing. Remove everything that reminds you of your spouse: all his forgotten things. Let your house look like that of a neat bachelor woman, and not an abandoned sufferer - a new love still awaits you. Throw out of your head all the good things that you had in your past family life, remember only the bad ones. And tell people close to you that the topic of the past is closed to you.

Transform, "rock out" and get carried away... Change your hairstyle and buy a new dress - and go with your friends to the restaurant. Compliments from men will be a balm for your soul and will give you self-confidence. Find a new hobby - something that interested you, but you put off its development "for later". This "later" has already come for you.

And if you happen to meet your husband somewhere, after everything you have experienced, then you yourself will see how indifferent you are to him. There will be no previous feelings and passion, but simply for you he will become a person from a past life who once hurt you. And that's it!

Published on: 16/11/2016

Human life is full of not only pleasant moments, but also unpleasant events. Since every heart longs for love when a love relationship begins, no one thinks about the fact that it will diverge. A union of convenience usually does not last long, but love relationships take years to build. But even in love there are disappointments that often lead to. How can a woman survive a divorce if she breaks up with her husband?

No experienced professional will claim that getting through a divorce will be easy. All people - both men and women - go through a difficult divorce. The only exceptions are situations when a person has cooled down to his partner for a long time, loves another man / woman, wants to build a relationship with him / her. Then divorce becomes the beginning of a new happy life, when, as if from a burden, you get rid of an outdated relationship.

But often divorces do not happen by mutual consent. It happens that a man leaves a woman, because of which the latter falls into a major depression. It happens that a woman gladly leaves a man, because of which the latter begins to suffer. Usually, the person who files for divorce experiences less suffering and throwing. Moreover, the more conscious this step becomes, the less painful it is. However, if everything happens spontaneously, on emotions or because of resentment (for example, because of the betrayal of the second spouse), then often even the one who divorces suffers.

How to survive a divorce?

It is impossible to calmly endure a divorce from her husband. If you are making independent attempts, but do not find peace of mind inside, then you need to seek the help of a psychologist on the site, who will consider the reasons that keep you in your past relationship.

Divorce is always difficult to deal with, and there are many reasons:

First, a woman gets used to the man with whom she lives. Despite all his shortcomings, which she periodically wants to change in him, nevertheless he suits her, she likes it, you can live with him. Over the years, the habit of living with a specific person is developed. You know him well, he is already easy to read, a woman knows how to behave in response to any of his negative attacks. It is difficult to part with what is already familiar, even if there are no feelings.
Secondly, a woman may not be ready to break family ties. Quite often, divorce happens unexpectedly. It turns out that the man has a mistress, he has children on his side, or he is constantly on the move. In other words, a woman is not ready to disagree with her husband, because she believes in his dedication and care for her. And divorce often becomes that "butt" that you do not expect.
Thirdly, a woman was brought up in the tradition of preserving her family, no matter what. Simply put, Russian women have been honed since childhood to endure all male antics and bullying in order to save their families. Even if a husband cheats, insults, beats, etc., a woman must look for the reason for all his actions in herself, change herself and justify her husband's behavior. All this will allow her to save the family, and not destroy it with her husband.

Divorce, of course, is quite difficult to survive, since a woman is tuned in to the fact that no matter how difficult it is, the family needs to be saved. That is why the departure of the husband becomes tragic, because without him the family will not take place. And here psychologists give a woman advice: to realize that her husband is no longer in her life, and to perceive this event adequately.

In order not to plunge into her own suffering even more, a woman should treat divorce simply as an event, and not a tragedy of her whole life.

Divorce is not the end of life. One model of life has simply ended, after which you need to get used to another model and move on.
Divorce is just a loss of some opportunities. However, there are so many interesting things in the world that you can do, especially if you have a lot of free time.

How to survive a divorce if you still love?

It becomes even more difficult to part with your former partner if feelings for him remain. Divorce, when a woman loves her husband, can only happen in two cases:

If the husband himself leaves his wife when she does not want it.
If a wife finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she files for divorce herself.

In any case, the presence of feelings will force a woman to forgive her husband for all his actions, no matter how disgusting and treacherous they may be. A woman will doubt her decision if she suddenly initiated a divorce from her beloved husband. She will justify all his unthinkable decisions and actions, just to regain the family peace in which she was.

However, the divorce process itself does not go unnoticed, even if the couple does not part. The very recognition of the news by the wife that her husband is unfaithful to her remains in the memory forever. If the divorce has already begun, then psychologists recommend not to stop it, unless the appeal to the registry office was made out of emotion when the spouses had a quarrel over some trifle.

A quarrel is not a reason for divorce, but it always makes a woman think about what she has become bad for her husband. And the most surprising thing is that most men find mistresses for themselves, not because their wives are somehow bad, but simply for a change, for additional entertainment, to refresh their feelings. Most married men are satisfied with everything in their women, so they do not divorce them.

However, the fact of treason cannot be forgiven and easily forgotten if there are feelings for her husband. This fact can force a woman to file for divorce herself. And only in rare cases does the husband himself go to his mistress, if he is really dissatisfied with something in his wife or has long ceased to love her, which is usually noticeable.

How to survive a divorce if you still have feelings for your husband?

Allow yourself to grieve at first. You don't need to be strong and courageous, to show everyone that nothing bothers you. It's good if the first days you surround yourself with understanding people who will support you and listen. If there are none, then you can just take a vacation from work and get poisoned for a few days at sea or any other vacation. Change the scene while you are grieving. This will help you not to be in those circumstances that will constantly remind you of the grief that happened to you.
Don't suffer for weeks. For several days, give yourself the freedom to cry, get angry, blame yourself and your ex-husband. But after a week, stop doing this. Realize that what happened cannot be reversed. Your task now is to start a new life in which there will be no ex-husband. Moreover, this new life should be so interesting and desired by you that you do not want to remember and return to those "rotten" relationships that you had with your ex.
Feel free to accept the fact of divorce. When your emotions have subsided, accept the fact that you are divorced. Yes, it happened, but life does not end there, and you are ready to live on, dream and achieve goals that will make you happy.
Get your appearance in order. Often women forget about themselves while trying to satisfy all the wishes of their husbands. Now that you are alone, you should raise your self-esteem a little. In women, it rises when they notice that other men are paying attention to them. Change your wardrobe, your image, or just make yourself look beautiful in order to notice the looks of men on yourself again.
Wish to live without your ex-husband. Realize that you can live happily and harmoniously without it. Moreover, for sure in your relationship everything was not as great as you might think. You probably suffered already before the divorce, you just did not want to admit it to yourself. It's time to take a sober look at what you had and rejoice at what eventually happened. Now start dreaming and do everything to achieve the life where you will be happy without your ex-husband.

Try to do something interesting while the divorce process is going on and getting used to the new life. Get carried away with your work, start communicating more actively with your friends or relatives, take up a new hobby. Begin to delight yourself in the end: go for a massage, visit the sauna, go through all the specialists in the beauty salon. Start living by caring for yourself, not your ex.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a child?

If the marriage was long, children are likely to remain after its destruction. Divorce occurs between spouses, but as parents, a man and a woman continue to be responsible to their children. Divorce should not affect the emotional and mental state of the child, which depends entirely on the actions of both parents.

Although you may hate your ex-husband, the only thing that you should not do in this situation is to form hatred in the child in relation to the father. It is you who divorced your husband, and your child should be able to communicate with his mother and father in the same way as before the collapse of the family. Let your child not even feel the difference after his mom and dad began to live separately. Allow your baby to interact with dad as before. The child will decide for himself how much he wants to see his father and how to treat him.

The mother should calmly and on equal terms communicate with the child, explaining to him what happened in their family. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this. Therefore, communicate with your child so that he does not perceive this event as the most tragic in his life, since the parents are divorced, but continue to see and communicate with him as before.

Personally, a woman should always remember that she divorced her ex-husband. Now she has no right to claim it and consider it her property. He is a stranger to her. A woman should take care of her life, and at the sight of her ex-husband, treat him like the father of their common child, completely leaving in the past how she behaved while she was his wife.

Since divorce is always difficult to go through, a woman seeks psychological advice to help herself quickly get rid of oppressive feelings. Here we can only say one thing - be patient until time passes. Over time, your feelings will cool down and your worries will pass. You should not just make them the main landmarks to which you should pay attention.

Put yourself to an end in past relationships and wish to live a new life without your ex-husband. Start planning and setting new goals, and then actively achieve them. Try not to remember the past, which will help throwing away your ex-husband's things and hiding common photos and videos.

Don't think about anything bad. You do not need to analyze the situation and look for the guilty ones until you have emotionally calmed down. Then start debriefing, but for now, just start living a new life.

Surround yourself with nice people, relatives and girlfriends. Start visiting new places, getting carried away with something, immerse yourself in something completely. Over time, new impressions and emotions will replace old unpleasant experiences, after which you can look back and think about what mistakes you made so as not to repeat them again when you have another beloved man.

How do you end up with a divorce?

Nobody says it will be easy to get through a divorce. However, if you do not make an effort and do not want to live a new life, then you will not be able to quickly forget about the past. Try, and over time you will succeed.

How to survive a divorce from your husband? Unfortunately, human life does not consist exclusively of joys, therefore sorrows must be accepted and properly experienced. One must understand that everything is fleeting in being. Good moments pass, as well as events that entail a share of negativity. It is so determined in today's society that often after marriage, divorce occurs, which most women are rather difficult to endure, due to a mistaken attitude towards it.

Parting with a spouse must be perceived correctly. More precisely, it is not recommended to classify the breakdown of family ties as a global tragedy or the coming of the end of everything. On the contrary, it is necessary to reflect on the transformation of the negative end of the relationship into the basis of something new in a woman's life, the emergence of many previously impossible opportunities.

How to survive a divorce from your beloved husband, if emptiness has settled inside, and the woman's heart does not want to let go of the spouse, when trust in a loved one is lost, and the soul continues to love and suffer?

Breaking up relationships is the most serious test in the life of the beautiful half of humanity, a test of the strength of their willpower and a test of faith in themselves for endurance. Often, a divorce is complicated by the redistribution of property, the termination of interaction with mutual acquaintances, conflicts with the spouse's relatives, children protesting against the departure of the pope, misunderstanding and condemnation of the woman's relatives, which can bring her to a very difficult state.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you still love

The dynamics of divorce proceedings in modern society, unfortunately, is prone to persistent growth. The reason for this may be the too young age of the spouses, a change in the thinking of today's people or in their views on the family, a decrease in the attractiveness of the institutions of marriage in the eyes of young people, etc. Often, recently, more and more often, representatives of the strong half are the initiators of the divorce.

When a couple, after discussing the existing relationship, comes to a mutual decision about divorce, the breakup is experienced easier. But the situation is more difficult when one partner seeks a divorce, and the other is not ready to accept this decision. It was then that the question arises before the ladies "how it is easier to survive a divorce from her husband."

In principle, breaking up relationships is difficult for the female part of the population in any case - when she continues to have feelings for her spouse, and when love is gone. Therefore, women should try to overcome this most difficult stage of life with dignity and with minimal losses for themselves. And most importantly, it is required by any effort to try not to get angry with all men and not to lose confidence in them.

If you still love, then it is very difficult to survive a divorce from your husband. Indeed, in ninety-one percent of cases, if the husband demands a divorce, then the woman has a serious rival. Naturally, in this situation, the weaker half feels betrayed. When a mistress is chosen instead of a lawful wife, it is always very difficult to survive. But life does not know the word "impossible."

So how to survive the betrayal of your husband and divorce? As a rule, the stronger half decides to leave the spouse and go to the other not at one moment. At first, he secretly meets with a homeless woman, cheating on his lawful wife, to whom he promised to be faithful. Male infidelity is often noticeable in their behavior. Psychologists say that a fairly small number of men are able to leave their own spouses for their mistresses, to destroy the existing family relationships for the sake of a hypothetical new connection. However, similar cases do occur.

Therefore, in order to successfully resolve the situation and find an answer to the age-old question: “how to survive a husband’s betrayal and divorce”, you first need to completely exclude the former partner from your own life. In other words, you should either hide far away, or throw away joint videos or photographs, remove from your eyes objects that remind you of your spouse or joint happiness, if possible, avoid any interaction with his environment. After all, he made an "adult" balanced decision that he no longer loves his spouse, so she no longer needs him.

What is the easiest way to survive a divorce from your husband? It must be taken for granted that the former faithful has now become a stranger to his wife. The abandoned spouse should be in parallel with what the traitor is doing, what he lives with, with whom he spends time, etc. After all, we usually don't care about strangers. So why would we be interested in a former spouse? It is not recommended to try to prove anything to him. Also, one should not rush headlong in search of a peasant who will replace the traitor. Life is given to a person alone, so it should be lived not just like, but happily. So it is foolish to waste your own time proving something to a stranger.

You should try to distract yourself from the prevailing circumstances. The feminine mood is very strongly influenced by their appearance, which they observe from the mirror. Naturally, if a sad person, with unwashed hair, the gaze of a battered dog, casually dressed, looks at a lady from the mirror, then what he sees can not only scare even the most seasoned, but also drive them into severe depression. Therefore, it is important to use the free time that has appeared to work on your own appearance. You can change your haircut or hair tone, update your wardrobe, tattoo your eyebrows or lips, and much more. Psychologists also recommend trying to do something that you never thought of doing before. For example, jumping with a parachute or doing youth dancing. The new opportunities in life will not only distract, but also give communication with new faces.

Not the best option for the fair half would be to plunge headlong into the professional sphere. This method is more typical for men. It is recommended to have a pet if you did not have one. Better to give preference to the dog. Firstly, they are characterized by devotion, and secondly, they need to be walked at least twice a day, which will not only distract from everyday worries, but also have a great effect on women's health and physical fitness. After all, everyone knows about the benefits of walking.

An active hobby for some kind of sport helps to cope with negative emotions. For example, you can go swimming or fitness, yoga also helps to harmonize the inner state. Sport contributes not only to burning out negativity from a woman's soul, but also helps to make the figure more perfect, and the overall appearance more attractive, which will affect.

In addition to all of the above, another important aspect of this difficult period for every female person is systematic interaction with people: relatives, friends or colleagues. Loneliness and four walls around are not the best helpers in solving the problem: "how to survive the betrayal of her husband and divorce." It is necessary to live every moment of being fully. After all, human nature is so arranged that there is always time for suffering, and happiness is put on the back burner.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a child

So what seemed to be the worst thing happened - a divorce. Not so long ago, the social unit gathered for a joint dinner, and today each of the spouses must build their own life separately from the couple. And how to do this, how to painlessly survive a divorce from your husband, if at times despair mixed with strong resentment floods, sometimes bitterness rolls over, and sometimes acute pity for your own person attacks. In such moments, it is felt that life, if not finished, has certainly lost all meaning. The usual way of life is falling apart, goals and objectives are changing, a huge burden of new responsibility arises, which yesterday lay on the broad shoulders of the spouse.

And how to survive a divorce from your beloved husband if you have a child? After all, the responsibility lies with the weaker half, not only for herself, but also for the baby. In the first turn, you need to realize that not only the fate of a social unit, but also a little man depends on any jointly adopted decision today. Therefore, you should honestly talk with the child, not julking and not hushing up the truth. After all, kids are quite susceptible to the dramas that take place in family relationships, as a result of which, often, they blame themselves for the fact that daddy left. It doesn't matter what age the child is in, he is a full-fledged member of family relationships, so he must know the reason why the parents do not want to live together anymore. It is better when parents have such a conversation together. You should talk to your child on equal terms and perceive him as a full-fledged adult personality. Otherwise, he may be tormented in the future by complexes provoked by an unjustified feeling of guilt.

You should not deprive the child of communication with the father. The man ceased to be a husband, but he remained a dad. And this fact cannot be changed. The child can decide for himself whether he will continue to communicate with dad or not. But the mother has no right to deprive the baby of interaction with the father.

Psychologists also recommend establishing a clear boundary between relationships. A woman must understand for herself that she accepts her ex-spouse at home exclusively as the father of the baby and no more. Otherwise, meetings can provoke old feelings in a woman and arouse a desire to resurrect a relationship. But the ex-spouse may not have such plans. Although he is unlikely to refuse "friendly" intimacy, but is this necessary for the fair half ?! Therefore, it is necessary to immediately discuss the limits with the former partner, which should not be crossed.

The departure of a spouse is considered one of the most difficult situations in the life of women. Therefore, quite often women turn to specialists to find the answer to the painful question: "how to survive the divorce and the departure of her husband to another." The main task when breaking a relationship is not to fall into a depressive state of a protracted nature.

All psychologists' advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband includes the statement that the best doctor is time. But how to survive this difficult period and not lose yourself? How to survive a husband's betrayal and divorce? And is it even possible? Experts believe it is possible. And the first thing that needs to be done is to set an unbreakable goal for yourself - to become happy, no matter what. You need to follow this goal in spite of everything and not succumb to weaknesses. Even when it is very difficult, do not retreat one iota.

The next tip that psychologists share is to get rid of negativity. Why carry with you into a happy life a heavy burden of negativity. After all, he will only slow down the beautiful half on the road to the goal. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of negative emotions immediately, after they appear and as they appear. There are many ways to get rid of, from smashing dishes to drinking a bottle of wine with your best friend and then crying into a "vest".

Another recommendation of psychologists that solves the problem of “how to survive a divorce and the departure of a husband to another” is to communicate with family members and loved ones. You cannot shut yourself up and bury yourself in a shell, devoting all your free time to your own tragedy, which is not a tragedy at all, but just a new stage in existence. Only close people are able to help overcome a difficult period as painlessly as possible.

It is also not recommended, even with the strongest desire, to take revenge on the traitor. After all, it is impossible to correct the situation with revenge, but it is quite possible to make it worse than one's own personality and state of mind. Resentments need to be let go. From here comes the following advice from psychologists, which is forgiveness and goodbye. That is, the ex-spouse should be forgiven with all my heart, and then released. After all, past relationships were not always bad, they often gave happiness and crazy joy. At least for those moments of happiness spent with your ex-husband, you need to be grateful to him. Therefore, you should forgive the traitor and try to preserve extremely positive memories of him.

Hello! My husband and I divorced six months ago. Everything happened very quickly. The relationship has long been tense, but they did not think about divorce. After another quarrel, he said that he wanted a divorce, packed his things and left. Attempts to talk, to find out what happened, have led nowhere. “I don’t love you anymore and I don’t want to live with you.” When asked if he had anyone, the answer is negative. A month later, I learned that he had a relationship with the administrator of the children's center where our daughter goes. Although he convinced that the relationship began only after leaving. But as it later became clear, they began long before leaving. He filed for divorce a few days after leaving. I tried to forgive, accept the situation and move on, but it didn't work. We see each other regularly, 2-3 times a week he visits his daughter. And it's just hard for me to be in our apartment, and after his arrival, at least climb into a noose. How to survive all this?

I still love my husband madly, I miss it very much, although we divorced almost six months ago.
We have been married for 14 years, all these years my husband idolized me and literally fulfilled all my desires. After the death of my mother, a few years ago, we moved to live with my father (my mother asked, and I just felt very sorry for him). A couple of years later, my husband wanted to leave again, and although I agreed with him, I was afraid to talk / offend my father.
My husband had a nervous breakdown, which is why he lost a high-paying prestigious job. He could not forgive me for this and filed for divorce. Although we parted with my father, my husband was very offended by me. I tried to support him, I feel that he still has feelings for me, but now the whole family is categorically against me, and he, most importantly, also blames me for everything. I do not deny my guilt, I am aware of it. I really want to return it, but how to convince the whole family that I have changed ??? I have 2 children left with me. I suffer terribly, sometimes it seems that I am slowly dying and pulling my children with me ... It seems that when I talk to my husband, he says that we have a chance, then he meets his mother, and that's all ... he doesn't need me anymore ...

Hello! We have been married to my husband for over 11 years. We work at the same enterprise. We went through a lot together - we paid a loan for an apartment on equal terms, I always tried to find a common language with my mother-in-law, she was my CLASSIC bitchy mother-in-law (my mother’s son’s husband) ruffled her nerves over the group, then I don’t go in nylon pantyhose at minus 30, then she scandalized from bad mood, then I do not dress brightly, but I worked on my appearance and I became more expensive to dress and lost weight, I could not give birth for a long time, and after 8 years of marriage, our son was born. My son was eight months old when her mother-in-law dies unexpectedly (my relationship with her was always strained), my husband was replaced, he spent more than a year and a half in depression - he cried at night and paid little attention to me and the child (instead of going out to nature in the summer they went to the cemetery), after a beer he could break off either at me or at his son, I could have shouted too, but in the last year of my life together it came to scandals with assault. Several times I went with the child to the regional hospital for examination - he calls and says: stop lying there, rest, go home, or complaints - you don't even know how to get drunk tells me (I'm indifferent to alcohol). I come from the hospital - we and my child have nothing to eat (not cleaned and not prepared), he got a beer and it got to the point that I put a black eye under his eye. Made up. We moved to the mother-in-law's apartment (he wanted so much in honor of his mother's memory). And now he gives out - my mother always said to divorce you and filed for divorce, I will have to move in with my disabled mother (she moves in a wheelchair), the child will of course be with me. And he went to the empty apartment of his relatives, while the property was divided, etc. Over the years, I helped him grow from an electrician to a managerial position. I met and waited from frequent business trips, I feel offended and do not understand why this is so? The child loves to speak, and I fly and study with him (he came home from work and right at the computer, beer on weekends). How can I work with him in the same building now - it's unpleasant, for all of us we were a couple. I can't quit - I like my job and they also went to a meeting and shortened my working day to take care of my mother and child. I also depended on him financially. I am at a loss and cry all the time, I can’t earn so much, and with my child and my mother, not all relatives turned away to help.

Good evening. My husband and I have the same situation, only now we live like the tenth year, but there are no children. There was also a mother-in-law who did everything so that we were not together. She died like a year, left him two apartments and the one in which we are now. So his roof just blew off, exactly a year later, he did the same as your husband. You know this is a midlife crisis, read how to deal with it. It makes it even more difficult for me that someone has taken up it, because he has no relatives. There is pressure there, it hurts too quickly he wants a divorce. Here is the first hearing on February 24, I'm just dying. So he still regrets me and says that I will thank him again, would not mind to deal with intimacy with me, this is such a divorce! Write, let's talk, I'm from Moscow.

Good day! We have not lived with my husband for two years. They quarreled, he went to live with his mother. They made up - but the situation remained the same: he did not return. Argument: you kicked me out. My answer: but I apologized, it was an emotion! Let's seek compromises, not find out who is wrong. The fact is that before that we lived with MY mom. It was very depressing. Neither my room (two pretty adult children) nor the desired comfort. In a word, two housewives, a common life ... She asked me to think about changing or renting an apartment. Answer: we do not have enough money, but let her arrange part of the apartment for you ... For this new year, I heard (literally scratched out) our general plan of action. But since it was my initiative again (to hear the plan), something collapsed in my soul. IS IT REALLY OWNED BY ME ONE? Two years apart from children !!! In short, I have lost hope. And I blame myself for that. I do not believe. Let go?

Hello! My husband and I have been together for 5 years, but we simply cannot stand the last year, does not pay any attention, dismisses his hands, constant humiliation and insults addressed to me, he does not even consider me a person. Today I went to file for divorce, he did not even stop me, although he says that he does not want to get a divorce. She did not submit the documents, in the hope that she would change her mind. Our daughter is 2 years old. I don’t know what to do ... but it’s impossible to live like that! Please advise what to do!

Hello Alina. Reconsider your attitude towards your husband, maybe you are doing something wrong, try not to demand anything, but to become necessary for your husband, because before this was not the case: “he lets go of his hands, constant humiliation and insults to me”.
You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is worth saving the relationship for the sake of preserving the family. Invite the husband to visit a family counselor together to help understand the reasons for this behavior.

Hello. A month ago, my husband left, saying that he loved another. We were left alone with my son, a day later I put out his things and he said that he wanted to return, but since I had put things out, he left (as I understand it, he shifts the responsibility onto me, because if I wanted to return, I would at least ask for forgiveness). I still have feelings, I tried to talk to him twice, said that I was not ready to return, that is, I humiliate myself in front of him, but he is not ready! A month has passed and he denies the fact that he said that he does not love me, that they are just good friends with this woman (she is 10 years older than him, has two children, is married, but does not live with her husband, and does not says neither yes nor no), that is, he justifies himself, but does not take any steps towards. And I suffer, I want to forget him, but it's difficult. I decided to file for divorce, maybe something will click in his brain, but on the other hand I think if I need him. I see my son well, but I can't cope with myself. I do not know what to do. Help me please.

Hello Lena. By your behavior you complicate everything for yourself. He would have returned long ago and you would have healed happily again. If you want to be with him - forget about your pride, do not expect that he should ask you for forgiveness.
“I decided to file for divorce, maybe something will click in his brain.” With such actions, you will strengthen your husband's faith that you should not return.
Understand yourself: what exactly do you want, but do not delay the decision and only then act.

Hello! Please tell me how to communicate with your ex-husband after a divorce, if we continue to live in the same apartment. We have a child. How to save your face if he constantly provokes and tries to pin up.

Hello, Natalia. Your situation is difficult. Ideally, you are better off leaving, but if this is not possible, then it is better to remain calm and not react to the provocations of your husband for the sake of the growing child. You can directly tell him that you perfectly understand his desire to piss you off, but you do not intend to respond to these tricks, therefore, ask him to tolerate your presence until the best times, when the question of ending the cohabitation is resolved.

Hello, please tell me what to do when 2 people who love each other get divorced, who simply cannot live together because of divergent views on their future life. Together for 15 years. Child 14. Little contacts with the father due to his absence from his side, so there is no tragedy for the child. That's noticeable. .... but I can’t imagine how to live without him, and it doesn’t work with him. 4 years see each other every 2 weeks. Loneliness is unbearable ... ... decided to divorce, because there will always be a distance between us. So his soul hurts for him .. he is also very bad. Although he behaves with dignity. Holds on. I'm afraid that love will never meet again. Loves us sooo. These were the happiest 15 years (11 for me, since we have been living separately for the last 4 years), although when he is around, I forget about my sadness. But this is only 2-3 days. And then he leaves again and I go back to an empty bed….

Hello Olga. In your case, you need to choose: continue such a relationship or break up. But if there are sincere and real feelings, then the distance, according to Elizaveta Boyarskaya, cannot interfere with true love and marriage. "And then he leaves again and I go back to an empty bed ...." - You can be in a new long-term relationship or live in marriage, but also go to bed with the feeling of an empty bed.
- thanks a lot
  - Hello again. I love my husband, but lately I have been feeling worried about something. Recently I visited a psychologist where the Luscher test was performed. The test showed that stress is caused by unwanted restrictions and I am ready for change, thirst for love relationships. Powerful. I am full of strength and decision to start life on my own .. I strive to please. Internal independence and independence is required. Easily suggestible. Thirst to find people interesting to me. Lonely.
    We love each other very much with my husband, how to fight? Is there really no way out. He is also power-hungry, but he never really limited me. We decided that we would find a job closer and we will be together every day now. Will pay more attention to me. This can help? I haven't made much of friends here. She is pretentious to people, I struggle with it. We got acquainted with a family couple for a joint pastime. I do not want to part with this person. Yes, and he is with me. You can somehow remove this anxiety. I do not believe that you can end the relationship like that. Maybe I'm rereading the test because of my inclination to suggestion, I can't calm down.
    - Olga, you have an excellent relationship with your husband. It is not clear why fight this? - "I love each other very much with my husband, how to fight?"
      “We decided that we would find a job closer and we will be together every day. Will pay more attention to me. This can help?"
      - Of course, it will help, but on condition that you try to maintain your composure.
      A psychotherapist will help to remove unreasonable anxiety, and we recommend that you destroy the test results and forget about them.
      - Thank you again ... so hard ... it seems that I am ready to change my place of residence, and my husband said that it would be difficult for him to go somewhere. The fear of losing opportunities is frightening or something ...

Hello! I have already turned to you for advice. Thanks for the competent advice. We are divorcing my husband. He began to see his daughter. Her mood increased dramatically. She's 4 years old. She became cheerful, talking about her dad incessantly. They walked all day yesterday. Both the husband and she returned from the walk in a better mood than they were before. I began to ask about how they took a walk. He says it's good that dad said that they would go sledging when it snows. She also said that “he was with some aunt. Ish how grown up ”, but the whole evening she was happy, contented, while she was dancing, she told how they walked. And before going to bed she says “I won't go out with my dad anymore,” I ask why, and she says, “Dad said he won't come anymore because he doesn't love me anymore and won't let me even on the doorstep of the house” I'm horrified. I tried to ask something, and my daughter said “let's go to sleep” and fell asleep without saying a word. In the morning I again asked how they walked and whether she still wants to walk with her dad, she said “I want to, but I'm sick,” she got cold and in the evening her temperature began to rise. I don’t know what to think. It's not quite a fool to say this to a child. And if at all, why did the daughter not say anything like that in the morning? Or maybe this malaise affected so much. Thanks in advance for your reply.

Hello Alla. The phrase said by my daughter suggests that she had already heard it and simply repeated it.
“... dad said that he would not come anymore because he no longer loves me and would not let me even on the doorstep of the house” - think, maybe you rashly or your surroundings said something like that, and the child was there - that's what he heard. The psyche of a small child is not able to understand what is happening around him and why it is happening this way.
- In fact of the matter. Never. I asked him. He says he never said anything like that. In the morning she did not remember what she had said. She said call the couple when he picks me up.