Why are beautiful girls lonely? Beautiful, smart, successful, single - reasons

Beautiful, smart, but lonely - according to statistics, about 45% of women in our country fall under this definition today. Why? What prevents us from building a family or a stable relationship? The author of Lady Mail.Ru discussed the main causes of female loneliness with psychologists.

Most of the causes of female loneliness are associated with psychological blocks.

If you ask the same questions to sociologists, the answer will most likely be one, related to the difficult demographic situation, and it will sound almost like a line from a song about “ten girls and nine guys”: according to the last census, men in our country are about 10 million fewer than women. It is logical that in such conditions, a couple may not be enough for someone.

Psychologists, when answering similar questions, usually turn out to be less specific and categorical, talking about a whole range of reasons for female loneliness. “First of all, here we can talk about internal difficulties: childhood traumas, unsuccessful relationships, closeness, complexes, fear of change, self-doubt, generic attitudes and other subconscious blocks”,- says psychologist Anna Baranova.

The matter is further complicated by the fact that these blocks push us to the same mistakes - at the stage of choosing a partner, dating, developing relationships, etc. There is two more news: the bad news is that most of these blocks are hidden. And the good news is that almost all of them are editable. So what's stopping us from building strong relationships?

1. Influence of parents

It can be expressed in different ways: these are childhood traumas, and an attempt to copy the behavior of parents, and following their attitudes. One of the important indicators, according to psychologists, is the relationship of a girl with her father. “If, say, he paid insufficient attention to his daughter, then, having matured, she is most likely to create a dependent relationship. If the father was rude and cruel - towards her or towards her mother - she will have difficulty trusting men, ” Anna Baranova warns.

Another example is given by clinical psychologist Olesya Bykova: “Very often, the daughters of infantile fathers are disrespectful to men in general, not recognizing the authority of the stronger sex, this interferes with the search for a partner.”

The reasons for female loneliness can also be the philosophy of life and attitudes transmitted by parents. For example, if mother, grandmother or aunts in the family often repeated something from the series “not a man, but a rag!”, “you will give birth and you will not be needed by anyone”, it is quite logical that, having learned them in childhood, a girl and in adulthood on a subconscious level, they will follow them: dominate relationships or avoid serious relationships.

What to do: analyze your relationship with your parents, especially with your father. “Think about what kind of person he was, how he treated you, how you perceived him, how this could affect the image of a man in your head,”- recommends Olesya Bykova. It will also be useful to analyze the model of behavior of women in the family. This will help you separate the behaviors and attitudes they impose from your own beliefs.

2. Increased "masculinity"

Modern women can do almost everything that 50-60 years ago was considered typical male skills - from minor household repairs to managing a large company. And although more than one hundred articles and books have been written about lost femininity today, this problem still does not receive a solution. Very often, tough, demanding, decisive and super-independent ladies simply do not leave their companions a chance to show masculine qualities, so partners in the “best” case show feminine qualities, and at worst, they leave.

Don't want to be alone? Feel free to ask men for help

What to do: First, do not confuse femininity with weakness. The first is moral flexibility and the ability to seek compromises, the second is outright helplessness. Secondly, to develop in yourself all manifestations of femininity - both external and internal.

3. Wrong expectations

Moreover, both overestimated and underestimated ones turn out to be equally destructive for relations. “In the first case, we are dealing with illusions about the “prince on a white horse.” In the second - with those cases when a smart and beautiful lady chooses a man without education as a companion, hoping that she will "raise" him. But the truth is that all this remains just hope: all attempts to re-educate and “pull up” a partner usually end in failure, ”- says Anna Baranova.

What to do: be realistic and remember that like attracts like. Do you dream of a wealthy and successful chosen one? So, it’s time to become like that yourself - well-groomed, erudite, able to keep up the conversation, etc.

4. Errors in behavior

One of the main ones is an excessive desire to meet “the one” as soon as possible. Olesya Bykova discusses this in more detail: “This happens when it is unpleasant for a woman to be alone, perhaps she is afraid of condemnation from society. Therefore, he literally rushes about in hysterics from the desire to meet and “hook” someone. Such excessive initiative is instantly read by men, it repels them.

The other extreme is total dislike for oneself. The way we feel and evaluate ourselves is felt by those around us. Therefore, for example, women who mentally label themselves as “victim” are more likely to experience domestic violence than others. “If we do not accept ourselves, then unconsciously we do not allow someone else to love us. And if we are not sure of our own worth, then how can a man from the outside be able to see it in us?- asks Olesya Bykova.

What to do: to begin with, reconsider your attitude to loneliness, learn to accept it and enjoy yourself. “It is important to become interesting first of all for yourself and understand why you are special, to realize your value. Traveling and all those activities that bring you joy, new impressions and experiences will help to do this.- advises Olesya Bykova.

5. Relationship imbalance

Any relationship (not only in a couple) is built on the mutual exchange of energy and resources (or the “take-give” balance), and any violation of it most often leads to unpleasant consequences. How - explains Anna Baranova: “If a woman gives too much without getting anything in return, then at some point she becomes devastated and burdened by relationships, which leads to a break. Or, on the contrary, it takes a lot of the partner’s resources, which at some point starts to repel the man, which also leads to parting..

What to do: analyze your previous relationships to understand if you have a tendency to upset this balance, and in which direction the “skew” usually occurs. Do you strive for independence and require sacrifices from your partner? Or, on the contrary, are they ready to almost dissolve in the chosen one, giving up their own hobbies and affections?

To restore balance in alliances with partners, psychologists recommend learning how to rebuild this balance in any relationship. You can start with friends or family, offering help to loved ones (if you notice that you usually “take” a lot) or refusing unnecessary obligations.

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According to statistics, men least of all want to be close to beautiful women, intellectuals and physically strong ladies.

According to scientists, about 70% of the men surveyed begin to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable while communicating with beautiful women.

Many representatives of the stronger sex, seeing a lonely beautiful woman behind a cafe, are unlikely to dare to approach her, prefer to admire from afar, without disturbing her peace. There are many reasons. The main one is the fear of rejection, and no pickup lessons or self-esteem courses will help you overcome yourself. In my opinion, surely such a beauty already has someone. And most likely this someone is smart, successful, rich and so on.

Another reason is the assumption that the beautiful will require special treatment. You need to be able to handle it, but you simply don’t want to waste time and effort on all this. Therefore, a man will prefer to be in a relationship with ordinary women, and look at beauties from afar and make them the object of his male fantasies. Although this is just a stereotype, because any woman would hardly refuse expensive gifts, invitations to chic restaurants and other beautiful courtship.

It is not enough to do everything possible to achieve a beautiful woman: then you will have to make even more special efforts to keep her.

It's all about jealousy

Even if a man achieves the location of a beautiful woman, it will still seem to him that everyone around wants to be near her and use every opportunity to take her away. With such thoughts, everything boils inside, because the loss in this situation will be experienced more acutely.

Naturally, I would like to be the first and only in the life of my beloved, and when you look at a beautiful woman, thoughts about her previous and future admirers are immediately born in my head. Such an attractive person is a “real diamond”, a work of art. And as you know, masterpieces belong to everyone and no one at the same time. Thus, a feeling of jealousy arises in relation not only to her probable past, but also to the future.

She's to blame

Sometimes beauties are left alone through their own fault. Some of them value their natural data too much, so they are waiting for something supernatural. As it is sung in one of the popular songs: “because you are lonely, that you are waiting for a fairy-tale prince ...” But there really aren’t enough princes for everyone.

One of the most famous sayings is this "Do not be born beautiful, but be born happy." As sad as it is, it is 100% true. It has long been noticed that out of a large number of beautiful girls, only a few become truly happy. This phenomenon can be studied endlessly, but the truth has nowhere to go: beauty is not a guarantee of happiness. Let's try to understand the main aspects of this phenomenon.

Why are beauties lonely?

There are a number of reasons that lead to this result:

1. In the modern world, female beauty has long been a commodity, and perishable. All the media are working to form such a public opinion, and often the girl's parents, who from childhood drive into her head the idea that beauty should be “sold” more profitably. Often, under the influence of others, a girl forgets about her mental and spiritual development, which dooms herself to the role of an ordinary beautiful “doll”, which is pleasant to play with until she gets bored.

Often beautiful, but narrow-minded girls, having reached the age of majority, are only engaged in the fact that they are looking for rich and promising suitors. But the most annoying thing is that if in large cities there is a limited number of such men, then in small towns, and even more so in villages, you will not find them with fire during the day. So the beauty has to participate in the fierce competition for a worthy man with hundreds of the same beauties. Even if such a girl marries a normal man, he will not have real communication with her, since an educated person will have nothing to talk about with her.

2. A beautiful educated girl can also often be left alone, because it is not only difficult for her to find a decent guy, even with an average income. Unfortunately, a large number of young people in recent years have not bothered too much with the development of their personality and self-education. If such a guy meets a beautiful smart girl, only true love will help, so that he simply does not get bored with her soon.

3. A beautiful, educated girl with a good upbringing often does not have the opportunity to meet a potential groom, because she is busy studying or working. If she is not lucky enough to meet someone at the institute or in a work team, then she will only get to know each other on the way to work or in public places. Acquaintances in cafes or restaurants, and even more so in nightclubs, rarely end in marriages.

4. One of the main reasons why beauties often remain single is the indecision of men. Most of them have recently developed a complex. They believe that modern beauties tend to meet only wealthy men, and an ordinary guy from the factory is not suitable for them. In this case, it turns out that many guys can like a girl, but they still don’t dare to talk to her about their feelings. Often men are even afraid to get acquainted with a beauty.

5. It is not uncommon for beauties to be rendered a disservice by the opinion imposed on us by the media that most of them are selfish and stupid girls. In this case, many men do not want to bother even getting to know beauties, because they already initially consider them narrow-minded and fastidious, although in fact a girl can be a real genius and an angel in the flesh. Such girls will have to constantly prove their worth, even in their studies or at work, in order to dissuade others in their opinion that everything is given to her “for beautiful eyes”.

In the end, one conclusion can be drawn: even the most beautiful girls in modern society are not easier than everyone else, because every year there are more and more women and less and less men. And it is easier for these men to marry an ordinary woman than to always try to "match" a beautiful wife.

There are a huge number of theories and ideas on the mystical question of why beautiful girls are often. But, as with most life questions, there is no definite and true answer to the eternal problem of beautiful loners. Despite the fact that such a riddle seems impossible to solve, we nevertheless tried to deal with this enigma, and found several quite rational and worthy reasons why many girls or women prefer to stay alone or simply do not fit into the stereotype “beautiful means , is already occupied by someone. Everything that you could take away from your personal experience of communicating with other women, not only beautiful, but also smart, purposeful, demanding and self-confident, can be fully considered as the real reason for such “loneliness”.

1. Dating for the sake of dating seems uninteresting to them.

Beautiful girls who choose loneliness for this reason are simply not ready to spend their personal time and energy on people with whom they do not see a long-term relationship. In such a situation, leading nowhere dates seem irrational in terms of self-love. This does not mean at all that attractive girls do not like to go on dates or generally avoid this issue, hoping to receive an offer and proof of serious intentions on the very first day, just in their case, one most ordinary date is of no value.

In such a situation, there is no desire to go on dates just for the sake of the dates themselves.

Such girls would rather spend time for their own benefit than be satisfied with the fact that someone asked them on a date.
There is nothing to add here, the rationalism with which such girls approach relationships is admirable. If someone worthwhile appears in the life of such a “loner”, then, of course, she will go for it.

2. Meaningless sex is not for them.

Some really sexy girls prefer to be alone, refusing even insignificant sex, as they do not find it interesting. Of course, in the life of such a girl there were similar experiences, but in this situation she is aware that there is a “relationship” and what is “casual sex”. For these girls, sex with someone she really finds interesting is much more enjoyable than just the fact of sex. Meetings without obligations, fleeting novels - all this is in the past. Girls who refuse to have sex with anyone are ready to wait not for the ghostly "that one", but for the one with whom she can feel real passion, even if this does not lead to a serious relationship. A very reasonable approach, not devoid of romance.

3. These girls do not need to fill the void.

In the life of a beautiful young girl, there may be many well-developed areas that do not need someone to fill them. In this case, the partner will be more of an addition to the whole personality than a missing element of her collection. A common misconception is that since a girl lacks romance and love, she seeks to develop all other areas so that life does not seem so empty. Everyone, both women and men, is interested in beautiful, self-sufficient, purposeful and somehow successful people, so it would be foolish to think that the life of an adult revolves only around dating, sex, and of course, love. Nobody says that love is just a nice bonus. To live, devoting your time and feelings to someone, putting life next to him as a priority, is wonderful and right. Indeed, there are girls who need feelings only because they cannot realize themselves, and it is they who need to learn a lot from.

4. This girl seems to have everything.

This point is a little controversial, but it is worth paying attention to it in particular. Many men, seeing a beautiful girl who knows what she wants, and seems to be quite confident in her life, involuntarily realize that such a girl has all the necessary features to become an ideal wife and a woman with whom it would be worth to connect her life. But this is very serious, you can’t approach such a “loner” with banal phrases (not because she builds a touchy person), because she can take serious steps that men are often not ready for at one time or another. Here such things emerge as responsibility and obligations to the one that will be with you for a long time, and maybe always. That is why, such girls are often avoided, even realizing that everything is wonderful in them.

5. Such a girl knows exactly what she wants.

A girl who went through a series of relationships must have taken out of them not only the bad, but also the good. She knows exactly what she would not want to let into her life and what kind of relationship should be for which she could sacrifice a lot. For such girls, constantly hoping, expecting that someone nearby will change, finding excuses for situations that do not satisfy her is a stage already passed. Next to her, such a girl would like to see a person who is as integral as she is, so that together they complement each other and develop.

Therefore, being with someone just to not be alone is seen by such girls below their own dignity.

Loneliness should not be a social or any other stigma. It is much more important to be able to find peace with oneself, develop, be interesting and constantly move forward, than to collapse for years in relationships that either lead nowhere or do not take credit for the best qualities of partners.

In the modern world, there are more and more women who are very beautiful, smart, worthy, but lonely. A lot of factors influence this. Very often, we hear from girls how unhappy they are, that fate is so unfair to them. Allegedly that she is the best, but lonely. Increasingly, it happens that young successful handsome men choose less beautiful girls, ordinary "gray mice" as their wives. And the beauties remain out of work. This, of course, cannot but annoy beautiful ladies. There are many reasons for this. Let's look at some of them.

1. At least a prince

Every girl dreams of marrying a prince since childhood. When she grows up, she dreams of at least being the wife, if not an oligarch, then at least the owner of a large company. But in reality, it turns out that she herself has nothing to offer, for an oligarch, she may not be as smart as she thinks, but in general, the criteria of princes and oligarchs are also quite overpriced, and for the most part there are few girls who are lucky enough to fall under these requests.

2. Too high demands on men

Very often, our parents, out of love for their daughters, inspire them from childhood, what should be her future life partner. And set limits. And they idealize men. When the daughter grows up, she begins to search for the one that her parents painted so colorfully. Focusing on those standards stored in her head since childhood. But, as a rule, ideal people do not exist. Therefore, meeting the next chosen one, the girl eventually begins to be disappointed in him, and in general in relations with men, and so on with the next one and so on. So she understands. that such men do not exist, and this leaves spiritual wounds.

3. Easy relationship

Many girls do not seek a serious relationship at all. There may be various reasons for this, just not a desire to link one's fate with one or another man. They do not want to be dependent, or they are simply afraid of a serious relationship, they are not ready for marriage. And sometimes it happens that a woman does not choose her life partner correctly. Either he is too young, or vice versa, too old, or just already married.

4. Internal or external problems

Look at your appearance, how you are dressed, or make up. Or in general your behavior, manner of communication. If you are too arrogant and inaccessible. Then of course you make men want to get to know you, take possession of you, for the sake of sexual relations. But as far as family relationships are concerned, they simply do not consider you as a wife and mother of their children. Men, as a rule, choose more modest girls, decent ones. And your appearance of an impregnable woman "vamp" only turns them on sexually. And even if you just play with them and your appearance is just a mask, it is better not to use it, but to remain yourself.

5. External flaws

You can be at least a thousand times the best, or kind, or beautiful and sociable girl, be virtuous. But if a man saw in your image some flaw that rejects him, he will not approach you. And your place will be taken by a less bright personality than you.

6. Bad habits

Many beauties, which is why they believe that with a cigarette she looks very attractive, this gives her charm, or simply adds solidity. Many men turn away at the sight of smoking women. Therefore, it often happens that she is smart and beautiful, but lonely, precisely because of her bad habit of smoking.

7. Doesn't value himself

Sometimes, from the fact that a girl has been alone for a very long time, she begins to reproach herself for everything. She is simply looking for flaws in herself that she does not have. He comes up with complexes and closes in on himself. Such girls are extremely annoying guys. They are not very fond of the prospect of daily inspiring her that she is beautiful, not just complimenting, but fighting her complexes.

8. Fake stupidity

Very often, girls pretend to be stupid, believing that this attracts men. Yes attracts, the same stupid. Real men choose wise women, but not stupid ones.

9. Too beautiful

Not infrequently, men are simply afraid of beautiful and successful women. They are afraid of failure and rejection. Thinking that if she is a successful woman, then she has enough fans and so much that he can offer her. And they just pass by.

10. Beautiful, single, and with a child

This is a very big problem for many men. As a rule, many men do not want to raise someone else's child and take responsibility. And thus the woman is left alone, or simply already disappointed in men, does not start a serious relationship.

11. Career comes first

When a woman is a careerist, she simply does not have time for a serious relationship. Increasingly, there are such women - business women who prefer work to the family. Such women, as a rule, do not try to look for men for a serious relationship. Thinking they can manage without them. Such women are very strong morally, and do not need the help of the stronger sex. Sometimes these women do not have children. For various reasons. Sometimes it’s because she simply doesn’t have time for it, or because she can’t have children. And therefore, decides to be lonely, but successful.

And so, we examined the reasons why the woman was left alone. In order to understand the reason for your loneliness, first of all, look at yourself from the outside and delve into your inner world. Maybe the problem is you. And you need to fix something in yourself. And then you will be a happy wife and a beloved woman. And also a happy mom. And try not to listen to anyone. Set a goal to be happy and go for it. And if you want everything to work out, you should not wait for manna from heaven, start acting on your own. Miracles do happen, of course, but it’s worth putting in at least a little effort to make them happen.