Mental pain is stronger than physical arguments. Heartache. How to deal with mental pain? Soul feelings. Help with mental pain

14.08.2023

“When you are unbearable, do not say - I feel bad.

Speak - it is bitter for me, for a person is treated with bitter medicine.
The Weiner Brothers, The Noose and the Stone in the Green Grass.

Heartache. No matter how much we would like to get rid of it once and for all, it is an eternal companion of our development, a lifelong journey. We lose loved ones, suddenly face a difficult choice, we are overtaken by difficult circumstances, we break off relations with loved ones ... And then an uninvited guest comes - pain. He does not stand at the threshold, does not observe, but unceremoniously climbs into the soul, destroying joy, hope, and faith that we will someday be able to recover from this burden. And the arms drop, and the back hunches, and the heart is squeezed in a vise, and there is a lump in the throat, and you want to cry, and, hugging yourself by the shoulders, slowly and monotonously swing, like a pendulum counting endless stretching seconds ...

And since heartache comes to each of us sooner or later, we need to learn to coexist with it during this difficult period. This note will help you look a little differently at the mental anguish that we all experience. And take a bitter medicine in order to heal as soon as possible.

The first thing I recommend to start with for those who are now hurting the soul is to recognize the postulate that pain opens the eyes to the truth . She is actually an indicator of the truth. So, the time has come not to drown in sadness, like a frog in milk, but to beat the butter with our actions and understand why this pain is given to us.

Steps

Part 1

Give yourself time

Allow yourself to feel sadness. Heart wounds are always painful. You cannot ignore the fact that your experiences are causing you pain. This means that you must give yourself time to process the emotions that come with the pain. With these feelings, your brain is literally telling you how badly what happened hurt you. There is no need to artificially suppress these emotions in yourself.
- Create a healing space. You need time and space to process your emotions and give vent to your bitter feelings. When you feel emotional pain, try to find a quiet place where you can cope with the wave of emotions that overwhelmed you. Sometimes it’s enough to go for a walk, retire to your room or just make yourself a cup of aromatic tea.
- When a person experiences mental pain, he goes through certain stages of this process, during which he experiences such feelings as anger, pain, grief, anxiety, fear and acceptance of what happened. Sometimes you may feel like you are literally drowning in your own emotions, but if you can determine exactly how you go through each stage of the experience, this will help you experience the healing process easier and a little faster.
- Try not to drown in your despair. There is a clear difference between simply giving yourself time to process your emotions and being completely overwhelmed by them. If you find yourself staying home for weeks, forgetting to take a shower, and life seems meaningless to you, you should seek professional psychological help as soon as possible. These are signs that the grief process is too difficult for you to handle on your own.
Live for today. If you want to deal with all emotions at once and get rid of heartache immediately, you are probably setting yourself an impossible task. Instead, move from one stage to the next gradually, and always live for today.
- A good way to focus on a particular moment in your life is to try to live for today. When you catch yourself on the fact that your thoughts again and again return to the past, stop yourself. Look around: what do you see now? what smell do you smell? What color is the sky above your head? what are your fingers touching? and the wind blows in your face?
- Don't start coming up with a grand plan to get over the person who broke your heart. On the contrary, if you focus on how to deal with your grief, it will happen by itself.
Indifference. When a relationship ends or you are rejected, you will probably feel like there is a huge hole inside of you all of a sudden. A huge black hole that consumes all the happiness from your life. At this point, many people make the mistake of trying to immediately fill this hole with something, because they are unable to bear this painful sensation. Yes, this feeling causes you great pain, and you have the right to feel empty inside.
- Create a space for yourself where your ex isn't. Delete his phone number and you won't be able to text him when you've had too much to drink. Put him on the "black list" in all social networks, otherwise you will find out at one fine moment that you are looking at new photos in his account all night long. Don't ask mutual friends how your ex is doing. The more clearly you understand that the breakup has finally occurred, the easier it will be for you to heal after it.
- Don't try to immediately fill the void left by broken love. This is one of the most common mistakes people make when trying to heal their emotional wounds. When you try to immediately start a new relationship in order to stop feeling pain and fill the void left by the previous feeling, it does not really help you go through the necessary stages of coping with the loss. Your unlived negative feelings will return to you sooner or later, but they will become even stronger and more painful.
Tell about it. You need to make sure you have reliable support to deal with the pain. The solid support of your friends and family, and even your therapist, will get you back on your feet sooner than anything else. Of course, close people will not fill the void that a loved one has left in your soul, but they can help you deal with this void better.
- Find a close friend or relative with whom you can talk about your feelings, especially on long, lonely evenings. Try to find a person, or several people, who can give you emotional support to make up for the loss of support you received from your partner in an ending relationship. Ask your friends for permission to call them every time you feel an irresistible urge to talk to the person you are trying to get rid of feelings for now.
- A diary can be incredibly helpful in this situation. This is not only a good way to let your feelings out, especially if you don't want to dump all the burden of your suffering on your friends, it is also an effective tool that allows you to evaluate the progress you have made. After rereading old records, you suddenly realize that now you are much less likely to think about your ex or notice that you want to go on dates again (Actually, and not just to "fill the void left inside left by broken love").
- Sometimes you may need to talk with a psychologist or psychotherapist. There is no shame in seeking professional help!
Get rid of things that trigger memories. If you are constantly bumping into objects that evoke memories of past love, it will only slow down your healing process. Don't keep old house pants that your ex used to wear after work in the closet, get rid of this stuff.
- There is no need to ritually burn everything that reminds you of past relationships, especially if these things can be given to people who need them. But you absolutely must remove these things from your life, one way or another. Also, depending on how bad your breakup was, the ritual burning of things can unleash a flurry of feelings that were previously locked in your heart.
- Take a thing and try to remember what exactly you associate with it. Then imagine that you have placed these memories in a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the ball flies far, far away and will never bother you again.
- If you still have valuables in good condition, you can donate them to charity. In this case, you can imagine how much joy this thing will bring to the new owner.
Help other people. If you start helping others, especially those who are experiencing the same feelings as you, you can take your mind off your own experiences. It also means that you are not drowning in your own suffering and self-pity.
- Take the time to listen to your friends and help them if they are having difficulty. Don't just focus on your own heartache. Tell your friends that they can always count on you to listen and help if they need it.
- Get involved in volunteer work. Find a job at a homeless shelter or charity canteen. Offer your help at rehabilitation centers or animal shelters.
Give free rein to your imagination. You will imagine how your ex came back to you and talks about how stupid he was for letting you leave. You can imagine in detail how you hug and kiss this person, imagine in detail your intimacy. Such fantasies are completely normal.
- The more you try to stop your imagination, the more often such thoughts will come to your mind. When you try not to think about something, especially if you have imposed this severe restriction on yourself, in fact, you think only about it all the time.
- Set aside special times when you allow yourself to fantasize, so you don't spend all your time in an imaginary world. For example, you can give yourself 15 minutes a day to think about how your ex wants to be with you again. If these thoughts occur to you at another time, put them aside until the time slot for fantasy comes. You don't refuse to think about it, you just put it off until later.
Part 2
Beginning the healing process
1. Avoid anything that triggers memories. If you have already gotten rid of all the things that trigger memories, as described in the first part of the article, this will help you avoid such moments. However, there are other things that you should keep in mind. Of course, you won't be able to avoid them completely, but at least try not to specifically look for them. This will help you recover faster.
  - The reason could be anything from the song that played on your first date to the little coffee shop where you spent so much time together studying for your exams. It might even be a smell.
  - You may encounter this even when you don't expect it at all. If this happened, determine what exactly triggered your memories, and what kind of memories this factor caused. Then try to switch to something else. No need to linger on these feelings and memories. For example, when you stumble upon a shared photo on Facebook, admit to yourself that you feel sad and sorry about it, and then try to think of something positive, or at least neutral. You might think about a new dress you will wear tomorrow, or that it would be nice to have a kitten.
  - This does not mean that you should do your best to avoid such moments that provoke memories. You won't be able to do this. All you have to do is just try to avoid the things that hurt you and make you regret the past as little as possible. You need your spiritual wounds to heal.
2. Good music will help you heal faster. It has been proven that music can have a therapeutic effect and help speed up the healing process. Listen to upbeat, energetic songs. Scientific studies have shown that when you listen to such music, endorphins are released in your body, which help you perk up and fight stress.
  - Try not to include sentimental, romantic love songs. This kind of music will not help release endophins in your brain. On the contrary, such songs will only increase your sadness and disturb your spiritual wounds.
  - When you find that sad feelings are flooding back into you, it's time to turn on energetic music to perk up. If you turn on dance music, you can get endorphins from listening to upbeat music and energetic dance moves at the same time.
3. Take a break from heartache. After you have passed the initial stage, when you gave yourself the opportunity to grieve and cope with your emotions, it is time to take your mind off the unpleasant thoughts. When you start thinking about your ex, do something, try to switch your thoughts to something else, come up with some new activity for yourself, etc.
  - Call those friends who said you can always count on them if you need help. Read the book you've been wanting to read for a long time. Put on some hilarious comedy (and get an added bonus because laughter helps you get well).
  - The more you do to not think about the past and about your mental suffering, the faster you will feel better. Of course it's difficult. It is very difficult to control your thoughts all the time and keep track of how much time you spend thinking about your heartache.
  - Try not to get carried away with "painkillers." It may be something that allows you to stop feeling pain for a while. Sometimes you really need something to give yourself a break from the heartache. However, be careful that these distractions don't hurt you, especially in the beginning when you need to learn how to deal with negative experiences. This "pain reliever" can be alcohol or drugs, but it can also be continuous TV viewing or a constant presence on the Internet. Or even the food you eat just to feel calmer.
4. Change your lifestyle. One of the problems that you face is that the habitual way of life that was formed when you were together was suddenly destroyed. If you start doing something new and change your habitual lifestyle, this will open the door to new habits. There will be no place in your new life for the person who broke your heart.
  - You don't need to drastically change your life to get rid of old habits. Do simple things like go shopping on Saturday morning instead of lying in bed; try listening to a new style of music, or discover a new hobby like karate or flower gardening.
  - Try not to make radical changes in your life before you have carefully weighed the pros and cons. Especially try to avoid drastic changes at the beginning, immediately after the breakup. If enough time has passed and you want to show that you are really changing, then it's time to get something like a new tattoo or shave your hair bald.
  - If you have the opportunity to take a short vacation, go on a trip. Even if you take a weekend trip to some new city for you, it will help you take a fresh look at what happened.
5. Don't interfere with your own healing. Of course, there are relapses from time to time when you're trying to bounce back from a failed relationship. This is normal, this is also part of the healing process. But there are some things that you can foresee and thereby prevent them from throwing you back in your movement towards a new life.
  - Pay attention to the words you usually use. When you say "Awesome!" or "Terrible" or "Nightmare!", you continue to see the world in black. This creates negative thinking. If you can't think positively, at least try to stick to neutral terms. For example, instead of saying, "It's over forever!", say, "This breakup was very painful for me, but I'll do my best to get through it."
  - Try not to embarrass yourself. You don't have to drive past your ex's house every night to see if he's found a date. Try not to call or text your ex while you're drinking. These things only keep you from moving forward.
  - Remember that everything changes in this world. Your feelings today will be very different in a week, a month or a year. We promise that there will come a time when you will be able to calmly remember this period of your life without experiencing pain.
Part 3
Accept what happened
1. Stop blaming. An important part of your healing and acceptance of what happened is to understand that it is useless to blame yourself or another person. What happened happened, so you can no longer do or say something to change what happened, so what's the use of blaming.
  - Try to find good feelings towards the other person. No matter what he did or didn't do, try to find compassion in your heart for him and what is happening to him. This does not mean that you should immediately forgive him, it only means that you will stop being angry with the person.
  - On the other hand, don't blame yourself for everything. You can acknowledge and reflect on what exactly you did wrong in previous relationships and promise yourself that you won't repeat past mistakes in the future. But don't waste time reliving your own missteps over and over again.
2. Feel when you are ready to move forward. It takes different times for people to heal from heartache. It is impossible to name a specific period of time that you will need, but there are signs by which you can determine that you are moving in the right direction.
  - You no longer worry if you find several missed calls from an unknown number on your phone.
  - You no longer visualize the scene that your ex comes back to you and begs you for forgiveness on his knees.
  - You no longer find associations with your life in films and songs about unhappy love. You notice that now you like to read and listen to things that have nothing to do with this topic.
3. Try to understand who you really are. There is one thing that usually goes unnoticed during the time you are in a relationship with someone and during the first stage of grief after the end of that relationship. This is the ability to be yourself. For a long time you felt like a part of your couple, and then - someone who grieves for a lost relationship.
  - Work on your personal development, both external and internal. Go in for sports or change your appearance. These things are great for boosting self-esteem, which must have suffered during a breakup. Determine which personality traits you need to work on. For example, if you tend to be passive-aggressive when you're in a bad mood, try to work on finding healthier ways to express your anger.
  - Develop character traits that reflect your uniqueness. When you're spending all your time with another person or trying to deal with the aftermath of a breakup, you tend to pay less attention to your personal interests. Try to reconnect with the people you didn't have time to communicate with during the period of the relationship and after the breakup, and again do what you are really interested in.
  - Try something new. This can help you meet new people who have never met the person who broke your heart. Learning new things can help your brain take its mind off the heartache and start living in the present.
4. Try not to go back to the past. You do not want to interfere with the process of healing from spiritual wounds, so do not do anything that will provoke your mental suffering again. Sometimes this cannot be completely avoided, but you can try to keep the risk to a minimum.
  - Don't let this person come into your life too soon, or at all. You will only inflame your own spiritual wounds and feel your unhappiness with the same sharpness. Sometimes it's impossible to be friends with an ex.
  - If you still did it, don't despair. The work that you have done to heal from spiritual wounds has not been in vain. You will still win. Do not give up. When it comes to relationships, everyone has experienced relapses of heartache in one way or another.
5. Do what brings you joy. When you do something that brings you joy and happiness, you cause a rise in dopamine levels in the brain. This is a chemical that helps a person feel happy and deal with stress (its level can rise to a critical level after a breakup).
  - Do things that don't evoke memories of your past. Start doing something new or go back to the hobbies you gave up when you were in a relationship.
  - Learn to be happy. People are more willing to communicate with those who are happy, because happy people help others feel happy too. Of course, you can't force yourself to feel happy all the time, but try to do the things that bring you joy and live the life that makes you feel happy.
  - Reward yourself for every small victory. If you haven't thought about your ex all day, reward yourself with a delicious smoothie or a piece of cake.
- Continue to love yourself, even if it seems like an impossible task. In the long run, this will make you stronger.
- By helping other people, you help yourself. Give people good advice and don't show negative feelings.
- A good joke will make you laugh even in this difficult time. Even if it seems inappropriate for you to have fun at such a moment, laugh - and life will become a little happier!
Warnings
- Do not rely solely on our advice. If you feel that you have become worse, consider that you may need professional psychological help.
- There is no need to hurt yourself, even if you feel like you have lost the love of your life.

"joylessness"

"a feeling of emotional numbness"

"feeling of absence of feelings",

other sensations, not rarely the most exotic.

Definition of mental pain

What is heartache? Is it a disease or a defensive reaction of the body?

From a doctor's point of view, it's both.

The brain, in this way, tries to convey to us, to signal that it is sick and needs help to cope with today's problem. If he is not helped today, then tomorrow this condition can provoke the formation of a more complex mental pathology.

Emotional pain as a defensive reaction

Any person can experience mental pain, including a mentally healthy person, for example, who has experienced a significant loss of someone or something.
Many conflicts that seem unsolvable in people with a certain type of personality (suspicious, anxious, with increased responsibility, always doubting everything) can cause a feeling of pain in the soul. In these cases, mental pain is regarded as a protective reaction of the psyche to excessive stress.

Mental pain as a symptom of the disease

However, it is not uncommon for mental pain to be a manifestation (symptom) of a mental illness (mental disorder). Particular attention should be paid to the fact that the very expression - "mental illness", has a direct origin from the words mental pain. The feeling of mental pain is the most common symptom of the most common mental disorder in recent years - depression.

Causes

All the causes of experiencing pain in the soul, as mentioned above, can be divided into two groups:

the first - diseases (mental disorders and behavioral disorders),
the second is psychological (psychogenic), conflicts between the “real” and the “desired” (true neuroses).

Help with mental pain

It is possible and necessary to help a person experiencing mental pain.

In some cases, help is a conversation and support, or, conversely, isolation and temporary loneliness.

In others - neurometabolic therapy with the use of special methods of psychotherapy and medications, constant strict supervision by the attending physician.

Unfortunately, there is no universal remedy for mental pain. Each case requires an individual solution.

Treatment

Is it possible to remove or relieve mental pain on your own? If possible, how?

If the pain in the soul is not a symptom of a mental disorder, then you can try to treat mental pain yourself with some activities, such as: take a contrast shower, try to give physical activity (squats, running, swimming), try to sleep.

If mental pain is a manifestation of any disease, then the help of a specialist psychotherapist or psychiatrist is needed. The problem is that, as a rule, with mental disorders, a critical attitude towards their condition may decrease, and the sick person does not seek help, does not turn to a specialist. And a healthy person who, after stress, suffers from pain in the soul, on the contrary, is inclined to seek support, help from loved ones, tries to find a way to treat mental pain, turns to a doctor for advice.

What to do if you or your loved one is seized and does not let go of the pain in the soul? If, moreover, it also intensifies day by day?

There is only one answer. You need to go to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Firstly, he knows how to quickly help and relieve this painful feeling.

Secondly, if mental pain is a manifestation of any mental disorder and treatment is required, then the psychotherapist will be able to choose therapy (medication and psychotherapy).

The Brain Clinic provides adequate assistance to all those who apply with different types and varying degrees of pain in the soul.

Call +7 495 135-44-02

We will help you or your loved ones get rid of mental pain!

We help in the most severe cases, even if the previous treatment did not help.

Mental pain is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as the pain of the soul body and reckoned with the loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with mental pain?

Emotional suffering develops when experiencing a life event or greatly worrying about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and reality is not what the individual expects it to be. All these disappointments lead to emotional suffering.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and covertly, when a person suffers, but does not admit it to himself.

How to deal with mental pain? A person copes with mental pain in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to the subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he is no longer suffering. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his mental pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends, acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if relationships with parents cause mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person has chosen a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself in personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, passing into an implicit, subconscious form. This state is very difficult to cope with, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than an open confession, as well as saying the problem out loud.

How to get rid of mental pain

It is very difficult to get rid of latent pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) course. At the same time, a person's character, relationships with others change. A person with mental pain begins to attract negative people to himself, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often, emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Separate situations are able to remind a person of those moments that caused pain in his soul many years ago. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching a emotional scene from a movie. In cases where you cannot cope with mental pain on your own, you need the help of a specialist or a loved one who is ready to listen to you.

Heartache after a breakup

Psychological reactions to the end of a relationship with a loved one have much in common with the reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. The emotional pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is acutely worried. Experiences include stages of resentment, denial and pain.

Initially, there is a stage of denial, which manifests itself in the subconscious refusal of a person to objectively relate to the breakup and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The pain after a breakup is aggravated by the realization that a loved one is no more, and will never be there again. The moment a person realizes and accepts reality, he will stop suffering. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To make it easier and faster to go through this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects that remind of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of resentment, which is characterized by accusations of the former lover of all sins and the desire of the offended to take revenge, especially if betrayal was the reason for the break.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt in a similar situation yourself. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly delays the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of the life crisis, worries about lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by a fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering and reflection in loneliness are an obligatory, as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then the lost relationship should not be restored, and for this reason, indulge in sad memories, call, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it more difficult to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men to forget about an ex-partner, because for women, loving a man is the most important part of life. For a man, the priority in life is often work, as well as a career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to do. If, nevertheless, for two years, mental pain after parting worries, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe mental pain

Edwin Shneidman American psychologist gave the following unique definition of mental pain. It is not like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain is manifested in experiences that are often caused by the grieving person himself.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. It is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This state gives rise to loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, before the inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Eliminating the cause of suffering helps to get rid of severe mental pain. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not extinguish your emotions regarding this person. For example, if you are having trouble with your boss that provoked heartache, then you should work on your relationship with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. You should find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an irreparable situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time, psychologists advise building new relationships in order not to repeat the same mistakes.

How to relieve mental pain? It is necessary to admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, go through the period of pain and come to your senses. Then we build a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a favorite job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail, how you will live on. Often the real world becomes in a person the way he sees it in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain is hidden under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to deal with severe emotional pain? Find people who are worse off than you. Show them care. This way you will switch from your problem.

Master the system of correct breathing: with a long inhalation and a short exhalation. Proper breathing can help your cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Say something nice to people every day, positive emotions will also be transferred to you.

Follow the daily routine, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Take your mind off your worries by dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, physical exercises. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person stays in a state of depression for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. Therefore, the ability not to return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences, is of great importance.

Hello Alexandra. You don't have to blame yourself for what happened. Take it as an experience. Often, young girl friends train with each other in the skill of kissing (for future relationships with the opposite sex).

Hello Alexandra, if a girl kissed you, this does not mean that automatically, you have turned into the same as her. What happened to you is called temptation. In this or another sphere, it is inherent in people, as a sad result of the fall of man. You need to go to the temple, do not hesitate to go to confession. Look around in the temple, find a priest who would suit you, at least identify by appearance. Say do not be afraid of what your conscience reproaches you with. The result will be, believe me. After that, live on, and do not look back, you should not have anything to do with it. Date a guy, start a family, kids). Happiness to you.

I am 22 years old. I study in Yekaterinburg, I am a non-resident myself. Closer to the beginning of the new academic year, it turned out that I was not given a place in the hostel. There is no place to live, you have to study. I was rescued by a friend who offered to live in his one-room apartment. I agreed because I had no other choice. Everything went fine for the first couple of weeks, but then I realized that I liked my neighbor (although I already knew this), and later it turned into a severe form of falling in love. One-sided feelings are tearing me apart from the inside. I told a friend about my feelings, but nothing changed from this, except for the tension between us. I was trapped. I can't move out and try to stay away from him, because in that case I'll just end up on the street, and at the same time I can't overcome my feelings being around. What to do with it, I just have no idea. Can you help me please?

Hello Linaria. We recommend that you do not fight with your feelings inside yourself, if you resist them, it will only get worse in your soul. Try to switch to other guys, even if you don't feel like it. With a guy, don’t touch on the topic of feelings anymore and he will eventually decide that you have calmed down. Tension has arisen between you because the guy cannot reciprocate your feelings. Continue living in his apartment and focus on your studies (session coming soon).

Hello. I have such a situation. I had a relationship with a man for 12 years. She loved deeply, but he turned out to be a coward and does not want to admit it. When our relationship began to loosen, he began to demand back all the gifts, took everything down to underwear. Although he had no less gifts and equivalent ones. Insults began to pour in. Time has passed, and I have such an emptiness inside that no matter what I fill it with, I still return to the starting point. Travel, friends, hobbies, nothing helps. He stands before his eyes. And completely bewildered, how could he do this?

Hello Albina. We recommend that you switch to other men and stop worrying about unsuccessful past relationships. “He is in front of my eyes. And complete confusion, how could he do this? - He did what he usually does. Just for you, such qualities in character are not acceptable. You and your ex are different, so you should not feel sorry for him.

Hello, I would appreciate your help. We have been living together with my gr.husband for 3 years. At the time of our meeting, he was married, but divorced to be with me. He is the best person in the world in relation to me, I did not think that it was possible to love like that. And I also love him endlessly, but then one day he declares that he was disappointed in me, almost fell out of love, does not want to live with me, but immediately said that he does not drive, he lives with me out of pity. My husband is very wealthy, he fully supports me, and to my question, what are we going to do now, he said so and we will live on and the horror began. Yes, we live together, he also provides for me, we sleep in the same bed, but there is no intimate relationship, we don’t talk, only on domestic issues, although it happens that he himself speaks and laughs and seems to thaw. On my question, what is the reason for the disappointment, he did not answer. I'm just going quietly crazy. I love him, he is the dearest in life. What to do? How to build relationships? He has a child and I have from a previous marriage. He treated my child well, sincerely, and then he said that he did not want me to bring my daughter, because he only sees his on weekends. The child is with the grandmother and thank God that she does not see this nightmare. The situation has been dragging on for 2 months, we live like this. Help! How to save a family? For all my attempts to build relationships like a wall. He said he didn't want anything. This has never happened. He says that he does not want anything, that it is better to die, but many people will suffer. God, I'm just going crazy. Tell me, can a man live out of pity? In my opinion, this is simply absurd. And it lasts for a month. And I don't know how long it will last. I will endure everything, if only he thawed.

- Hello Natalia, the fact that he met you and got divorced does not allow him to live in peace. You must understand that at the beginning of your relationship there was passion, and mutual from both sides. Time passed, the man realized what he had done, because the family had collapsed. Perhaps he loved or still loves his family very much, so he feels a sense of regret. Do you have a schedule with him, or do you just live in a place? Let him go, this is the only chance to make amends for your and his family.

Hello Olesya, the fact that your husband has such a health problem is, of course, an unpleasant situation. Maybe you can try, take a baby from a baby house, or from an orphanage. How many kids are left without parental love. Find with your husband the strength to take and give at least one of them your love, support and protection. It is clear that this is a very responsible step, but if you don’t try, you will reproach yourself all your life that there was at least a small chance to experience maternal happiness, but you didn’t use it. The husband should try to explain that life is not eternal, he will grow old with time, his strength will leave him, and in his old age there will be no one to worry about him, to give him a glass of water.
Olesya, if you are a believer, at least a little, come to the temple, sincerely pray from a pure heart to God to help you in your difficult task, and He will really help you and the heartache will go back to where it came from.
I sincerely wish you to get rid of your spiritual burden, and feel that unique lightness of life to which we are called by God.

I have a second marriage. When she got married, she was happy and was waiting for a long-awaited pregnancy, but the pregnancy never came ... They lived together for 7 years. My husband has infertility, the chance for IVF is 20%. She categorically does not want a donor child. I'm exhausted, I really want a baby. (he also wants to, but he probably understands that it won’t work out and somehow resigned himself, but I can’t) I’m 37, in a couple of months 38 is already the limit, but I never gave birth. She began to treat her husband worse, began to eat herself, that she made the wrong choice and him, in turn, that she hid her infertility from me and constantly reassured me that he would soon undergo treatment and we would become pregnant.
I can't live with it... I'm tired. I'm afraid to break wood. I can not forgive him and be left without the desired baby. How to be!? Mental pain drowns consciousness, interferes with life.

Hello Olesya. The situation is difficult. Your desire to have a child is understandable. While there is still time, it is necessary to think how else to solve this problem. It makes sense to go to a family psychologist with your husband so that a specialist can help you and your husband sort out the problem (so that your husband finds out how important it is for you to have a child, that you are unhappy in a relationship due to the lack of the opportunity to realize yourself in motherhood) and contribute to making the right decision.

I am 35, in my childhood (5 years old) the older boys forced me to do something that I don’t say out loud all day. The parents found out, but chose not to make a fuss. Further substance abuse, psychotropics, criminal records, terms. In the direction to the hospital, the diagnosis was F 18-26. For a long time I was sure that I was communicating with aliens in my head.
When passing the commission in the military registration and enlistment office they gave a certificate: Limited capacity art. 117 B. I consider myself a spiritual cripple. Mental pain sometimes leads to bouts of deaf crying, resentment. And there is no one to talk to and talk about. I can't do this anymore. Help!

Look, it's really sad what happened to you. It's too bad there's no one to help you. Of course, you can't tell everyone about this. You turn to God, tell Him everything, all your pain, see how it becomes easier for you. Just shut yourself up in your room and talk. Even better, go to a church in your city, preferably an evangelical one, and talk to a minister or pastor. They will pray with you. Many have been healed and delivered this way. I wish you success!
- God does not help anyone, why are you fooling a person, do you have a conscience?
  - Hello Sergey, did you establish this from your own experience, or did someone tell you?

Artemy hello, if you still want to chat write lukanovmg(dog)mail.ru

Hello! I am 29 years old. Went through a breakup with a boyfriend. They met for 6 years, it was going to the wedding, but the guy started endogenous depression. After six months of agony and fruitless attempts to help, I ended the relationship. Six months later, there were new short-term and unsuccessful relationships, where they already left me. Now another six months have passed and I have more or less accepted and experienced the past, but I am tormented by a strong pain of loneliness. In general, she torments me even after the first parting. At first, I had a fixed idea, to find compensatory relationships, which led to a disastrous result. Now I am delving into self-contemplation and self-development with varying degrees of success. I can work productively, but I understand that I can’t do anything about the pain of loneliness. I can get distracted, but sometimes I fall into despair. It is rare to be happy. There was a lack of self-confidence and distrust of people + fear that I would never be able to meet my man. The calm state is replaced by panic and it is impossible to control this process. Relationships have always been in the first place for me and I just can’t learn to appreciate what I have and enjoy an independent life. I would be grateful for any hints. Thank you!

- Thank you. In a difficult moment, such words are very helpful. The links are very handy, I saved them, I will re-read them in moments of crisis)

Hello Eugene. Read the book Five Masks, Five Injuries by Liz Burbo.

The factor in the appearance of mental pain and the ease of overcoming it does not depend on gender, and in this case, it is wrong to treat the situation stereotypically. Every person is unique and everyone has their own pain threshold. Not a single psychologist will give an exact recipe if he approaches the situations that occur in people in a stereotyped way. Yes, in many ways they are similar, but the manifestations and perception of the situation are individual for everyone. I will speak for myself, I did not manage to get rid of the mental pain and I have to somehow live with it. At times there comes a period of return of memories, which is given by pain on the physical level, it is quite felt. It is easy to understand the situation, to find the reason too, it is impossible to forgive a person if you are not to blame for anything, and he blames you for everything, although it is completely his fault. Of course, you can do something else, some other distracting things, without enthusiasm, but this does not save. Thoughts and memories always come back.

Probably, it was not your man, and this is your comfort. I have a similar situation, we broke up after 2 years of a stormy romance, mostly at a distance, he blames me for what didn’t happen, and I’m offended that he thinks so of me and I can’t prove anything. And is it necessary? For the second month after separation, I feel such longing and suffering, it seems that it will never end. But I console myself with the fact that it was still not my man. Those who truly love don't do that. You need more communication, I think so, it saves me, even all sorts of comments, communication in social networks. And you need to learn to control your thoughts, not to go deep into them and drive them away, try it. And it’s even better to get to know each other if a decent amount of time has passed since the breakup. Don't get hung up. Forgive and let go. Read other recommendations, for example, I found 6 steps after breaking up on Google. I wish you success! I hope I helped a little 🙂
- Thanks Larisa. Only in my case it is unrealistic to forget. You can hate, but this pain will not go away, but on the contrary. I am forced to see my daughter at the former, they did not give her to me, and this pain is even stronger. I tried new relationships. It all comes down to the fact that there is no longer trust, and the relationship is falling apart at my request. I just live .. Come what may.

Hello Galina. The point is to seek explanations from a man if he has made a final decision for himself. Now you need to think about how to cope with this situation and recover mentally as quickly as possible. It is required for yourself to realize and accept his decision, mentally thank the Universe for those wonderful days that you were together and let him go. After all, all this could not be. Remember what Mark Twain wrote: “There are only two things we will regret on our deathbed – that we loved little and traveled little.” When you free yourself from these relationships, your heart will be free and wish for new relationships, you will definitely attract them with your desire.
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I am 54 years old. All my life I dream of love. But even in my youth, I could never talk to guys, let alone meet - as if it were a shame for me. And as if it would make people smile. She married at the age of 28 to a man from a dating service. But he turned out to be a drinker, a year later I left him, because it was unbearable. She gave birth and raised a son. And I still can’t meet, fall in love - the reason is the same. I have never experienced a man's love for me. If sometimes one of the men says something good to me, I am sure that he is pretending or mocking me. From loneliness for 10-15 years there has been depression, I didn’t realize it right away, I just didn’t have the mood, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t want to see anyone, etc. Now depression makes itself felt with prolonged bouts of melancholy, anxiety. I can't feel joy. There is no feeling of pleasure. As if there is no strength. I drank rexetine four years ago and something else for sleep. I could not sleep for two days and did not even yawn. Then she fell, 2 operations on her knee, then her mother died. Life has become quite bleak. I went to psychologists, but depression does not go away. I don't know how to deal with it. What should I do, tell me?

Irina, I want to advise you the most wonderful diaries!!! Reread John of Kronstadt!!! (it was such a person who lived, he was numbered among the saints!) Believe me. I live with severe mental pain. Strongest!!! And I'm learning to enjoy it! Believe me. His diaries will make you brighter. Thank you for your attention.

Mental pain brings not only emotional suffering. It directly affects health and destiny. How to get rid of mental pain, if memories and feelings capture, and there is no strength to cope with them? Now we will learn how to do it.

What is heartache and why does it happen?

Heartache is an emotional feeling that arises from unpleasant events. Its strength depends not so much on the situation itself, but on the attitude to this situation. For example, when a loved one dies, we get a lot of heartache. But there are countries where at the funeral they rejoice that the soul of a person has passed into another world.

Such analogues can lead to any unpleasant events, whether it be betrayal, meanness or treason. Any situation can be treated differently.

We all have certain programs and rules sewn in by which we live and we react to events according to our settings.

One of the main causes of mental pain is the selfishness of a person. Let's take betrayal as an example. People generally do not feel connected with the Universe, with God, they do not see the big picture of their destiny and do not understand that any pain teaches something. Instead of understanding why this happened and what lessons need to be learned, anger or some other emotion appears, which is deposited in a person as a mental pain.

If mental pains are not worked out, then depression may begin, various diseases will appear, a person will become less successful and happy. These pains need to be removed.

The practice of getting rid of pain in the soul

Relax, close your eyes and remember one of the strongest mental pain. We recall this situation so that you have a visual picture. Mentally place it on the left in front of the inner screen.

We do the following actions slowly, with feelings and full attention. Now mentally take out a picture of an unpleasant event from your head and turn it into white light. This way you will get it out of your head.

To squeeze this situation out of the body, you need to exhale sharply and mentally imagine how this unpleasant situation comes out of you with an exhalation. You can take several breaths or many more until you feel relief. The sharper and stronger exhalations, the better.

From feelings, the situation must be removed with love. Feel the state and also mentally squeeze out this picture with love. You can do this by inhaling the love of your saint as you inhale, and as you exhale, this love pushes out your heartache. It will be even more effective, because your power of love may not be enough.

So, mental pain must be removed at 3 levels: from the head by blurring the picture or turning it into white light, from the body by exhaling emotions from emotions by squeezing out love.

Next, we thank the saint: I thank you holy man(Name) for giving me the power of the soul, the power of love. Now I will look at this person (situation) with the same eyes, with the same heart. I am not this pain, I am not this death, I am not this hurt(your situation) . I am an eternal radiant soul, I am pure consciousness.

Perhaps, to completely get rid of mental pain, this practice will have to be done several times. Let me remind you that the practice is done only for one mental pain. Once you have worked through this pain, you can move on to another. After working through all the mental pain, you may notice that you begin to feel much better. Pleasant changes may begin in your life.

I wish you pure inner peace! Sincerely, .