For a long time we have not published anything new in the rubric. But today we have a very interesting interlocutor - Svetlana, the Russian wife of an Indian husband and the author of the blog of the same name. We tried to ask Sveta the most relevant questions about what it's like to be married to an Indian, what difficulties you might face and what it's like to quit your job, career, friends and move to live in.

Question: Sveta, I will not beat around the bush for a long time, so I will immediately ask you to tell your love story for India and in India ☺. Tell us about the first time you went to India, how you met your then-future husband, how your relationship developed, etc.?

Answer: In fact, once upon a time I did not imagine love for India. The few stories I heard, the reports I read, and the films I watched frightened me: for some reason, I often imagined dark cities in the winter fog and rows of cripples stretching their arms towards me. But, when choosing a country for a vacation, a friend insisted, and I decided to try. The trip was hard. We did not understand how to eat this food, we got into the wrong trains and wagons, got sick and suffered.

I had 500 rupees left before my return flight. I remember how I said to myself: to this country - never again! And she spent the last rupees on unnecessary trifles - so that they would not be lost. However, after a month I got bored. Remember this feeling of freedom and the calm rhythm of life, small joys from simple things, as Indians do, holidays and fun with or without reason, funny dances, the smell of incense. And most importantly - simple, naive and very kind people. It takes time to understand India and come to terms with its disadvantages. But then love grows stronger with each visit.

With my husband it was about the same as with India ☺. Unexpectedly for me. We met in Khajuraho, in the first week of our torment with a friend. Anjul seemed like a guardian angel to us. He showed me and my girlfriend everything that I then fell in love with so much, presented India from the best side. 3 days after we met, Anjul said that he would like to marry me. Leaving my Skype, I was sure that we would not communicate. What for? About what? Moscow, friends, a career were waiting for me...

But I didn’t have time to come home from the airport, and persistent letters were already waiting in my mail, and an hour later I had to go to Skype. With his Indian perseverance, the future husband literally forced me to communicate with him. Slowly we found new and new topics for conversation and got to know each other. Hundreds (!) of letters have been preserved in the archive folder on the mail. Friends and parents jokingly called him "Indian groom". Who would have thought that after 2 years of Skype communication and several of my trips to India, Anjul would come to Moscow and we would get married. This year we will celebrate 5 years, and in March, we will finally hold a Hindu religious wedding puja for the peace of mind of Indian relatives.

Question: And how did the distance and the difference in mentality affect your relationship?

There are no problems with the difference in mentalities. I would call it a difference of characters and interests. We have disagreements like any couple. My girlfriends and their Russian halves in general have exactly the same problems. It seems to me that Indians and Russians are somehow close and understandable to each other, and we are used to each other's annoying little features.

Here is the distance - yes, this is a problem. We had the opportunity to travel to each other and to third countries for travel, but there were still difficult moments. The first month is always a joy - we both have many interests, and it's always great to take care of yourself, your hobbies and activities. And then you start to get bored. Once we did not see each other for 5 months. To be honest, I would have given up several times - but Anjul held me with an iron grip, pressed me and did not let me slip out ☺. Now we live together and do not want to part for more than a month.

Question: How did your parents and friends react?

My friends reacted positively. Many people were worried about me at first, which is understandable, Indian suitors do not have the best fame. Someone probably did not understand, although he did not show it. But basically everyone was happy and looking forward to the "big Indian wedding under jimmy jimmy." Dad also took the news with enthusiasm. He has a good attitude towards India and, although with some doubts, he believes that I have a head. But during my first trip, it was precisely to “live” in India, just in case, that he voiced: “if anything, call, we will come to rescue.”

Mom, of course, was worried and preferred the Russian Vanya, or, at worst, the Frenchman. Looking at the wedding video, I can directly see on her face how she dreams that I will say “no”, and she will come up to me: “run, my girl, go home from here!”. But we said yes, a stamp appeared in the passport, and from that moment Anjul became a son for his mother. Now I'm a "bad wife, I don't feed poor Anjul well, I don't care, etc." He can eat Mom's signature soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner until the pot runs out. On the Indian side, everything also went smoothly. Parents warned Anjul that all foreign women get divorced, and for India this is a great shame. But if he is confident in me and happy, then let him marry.

Question: Sometimes there are stories on the net about how hard it is for foreign women who have married Indians. Tell me how your husband's family received you. Was it difficult to get used to the new way of life?

My husband and I do not live with a family, but separately, although very close. Of course, the way they live, I could not. A completely different lifestyle and position of a woman. Fortunately, my husband is modern, and we live in a tourist place where there are a lot of foreigners. Some things still have to be done for the family or endured - there are common holidays, some kindred duties. But my husband protects me as much as possible from the interference of relatives, and they are already very happy that we live nearby and have not left for Russia, so a reasonable balance has been achieved.

If you live fully in a family in such a traditional place as Khajuraho Of course, you need to be very flexible and tolerant. And I always warn girls on occasion - think carefully and collect as much information as possible about India, specifically the groom's relatives and their plans for you, before connecting yourself with an Indian family. This topic is complex, I have several blog articles on it - about customs, about the role of a woman in a family, about Indian suitors.

Question: What is your main language of communication in the family? How do you overcome the language barrier?

We communicate in English with an admixture of Russian and Indian words. We both learn languages ​​with varying degrees of success ☺. Long accustomed, and the language is not a problem.

Question: India is often called the birthplace of yoga. Tell me, based on your experience of life in India and in an Indian family, what place does Yoga in all its manifestations take in the life of an ordinary Indian?

In fact, yoga is rare in the life of an ordinary Indian. It is practiced either by those who are deeply immersed in spirituality - and this is not exactly the yoga that is common in our country, or by those who make money on foreigners.

Average Indians devote very little time to yoga or, for example, sports. It is interesting that yoga first came to the West from India, and now progressive Indians, following the fashion, are beginning to follow the West and learn yoga from the lessons of foreign gurus on Youtube.

Question: Many, largely due to, believe that in India they smoke grass, charas and so on everywhere. How true is this, in your opinion? How do Indians feel about this?

The average Indian in my region today regards this as a bad habit. Old Indians smoke (this is how they worship), sadhus, "bad guys" and university youth from large cities. If, for example, a girl from a respectable family smokes, it is a shock and a shame. However, in general, smoking is treated more habitually than in Russia. Often, foreigners, along with Indian "bad guys" openly smoke in cafes and other public places - no one pays attention to this.

Question: What about alcohol?

Many men drink, but somehow more secretly and shyly. This is considered a more bad habit than ours. Women in places like Khajuraho don't drink at all. There is no culture of having a cocktail with friends or a glass of wine at dinner. Men gather, drink strong cheap drinks, and then eat meat (also a bad habit in India). Weddings are most often non-alcoholic, birthdays too. Although in large cities everything is already like in the west.

Question: Many of our compatriots who have settled in India, one way or another, earn their living through the tourism business. You live a little away from the main tourist trails. In this regard, the question is: what do you do? Who is your main breadwinner in your family?

Khajuraho- although not such a popular place as Varanasi - but still very touristy. We have famous temples of Kamasutra listed by UNESCO. My husband and I have a small Ramayana Hotel and a Rock'N'Roll restaurant.

Well, various travel services: from booking tickets for Indian trains and buses to organizing full individual tours with a car with a driver, hotels and a guide. We work together - I am responsible for the Internet, quality, cleanliness and comfort. Husband - for working with clients, managing employees, everything related to the functioning of our business in the Indian environment (documents, invoices, suppliers, partners, police, etc.).

We wouldn't be able to do it without each other. I would go bankrupt instantly if I couldn't handle the Indians on whom we depend, and my husband couldn't create a place with soul that our clients love so much; it is difficult for Indians to understand that the result depends on the quality of details, even the most insignificant at first glance, which they want to give up. In the near future, the construction of the second building of the hotel and the endless improvements to the existing business.

Question: Is it true that in an Indian family all the money is in charge of the oldest woman?

I think it's in the past. Or relevant in the villages. We have in Khajuraho didn't hear about that.

Question: Is there something that you especially like and are close to in India and Indians? Maybe some traditions, rituals or something else.

I like the fact that Indians know how to be happy in any conditions. They find small joys and infect me with it. And they are very straightforward, naive and funny. They can be a lot of fun to talk to if treated with kindness. It is sad that many Russians, because of these traits, perceive them as fools, ridicule, discuss in rude and cynical terms, or communicate with high.

From Indian culture, I was inspired by Ayurveda. I have tried many things and approaches on myself and my family - it really works!

Question: What annoys you the most?

What annoys me the most is Indian bad manners and how they litter everywhere. I'm trying to fight this at least around me. With varied success.

Question: What advice would you give to girls who decide to connect their lives with an Indian?

I repeat - I would advise you to collect as much information as possible. About Indian culture, about him, about his family, about how he sees the future life, how his parents see it. Indians like to put things off until later. Somewhere your opinions may differ greatly, but he will be silent for the time being. Therefore, you need to clearly and unambiguously indicate your position in advance, which is absolutely unacceptable for you under any circumstances, and which is critical.

Sveta, thank you very much for the interesting detailed answers. I think your experience will be very useful to many girls.

Here it is, probably an Indian prince, a model from a clothing catalog, no less. Maharaja. Imagination draws something like that.)))

Indian men - stress or exotic? I sit at the computer at night, I work, I don’t touch anyone. Someone frantically starts typing me on Skype. I politely ask through a written message who and why knocks on my Skype in the middle of the night. It turned out that a black-haired young man from India, Kashmir, 31 years old, wants to meet at random and talk. There is no limit to surprise, what if I am a bearded man? Indian youth insists on talking and sends his photo. I politely refuse. And now, for the third day, the restless Indian guy has been calling and writing to me on Skype at night and in the evenings to no avail. Time to blacklist. However, it became interesting, what are such restless Indian men like?

The Slavic wife has always been the pride of foreigners from America to Japan. Whatever the reasons give rise to such a high demand in the bride market, you cannot deny the popularity of our women. In turn, modern ladies are also well oriented to the situation, and from time to time there is a fashion for men from a certain region. Today, American and German "classics", Arabic and Japanese "extreme" have receded into the background. The focus is on mysterious India and no less mysterious Indian men.

And here it is, the average variant improved by education. Let's say a doctor, or a programmer.

And here is a wild improved average version.

Many may not agree, but there are certain trends in the marriage field one way or another. For an explanation, psychologists advise turning to a banal market theory - no matter how cynical it may sound, in matters of marriage, we consciously or unconsciously act according to the same scenario. It is not customary to say this out loud, but other things being equal, they will stereotypically prefer a Japanese worker, a Scandinavian designer, a French lover, and, for example, a German husband. Generalizations are very conditional, but they form a certain fashion.

Historical and social information. There are more men than women in India. Since in order to marry off a daughter, one must pay the groom a certain amount of money, the birth of a daughter means losses for the family in the future, since she will take significant funds from the family in the form of a dowry. In this regard, selective abortions were common in India at one time, when, when determining the sex of a child on an ultrasound scan, a woman gets rid of the fetus if it is a girl.
Now in India it is officially forbidden to determine the sex of an unborn child using ultrasound. Of course, in modern India there is a certain part of the women who have received an education and live according to more civilized rules. But their number is not large enough to speak of a significant improvement in the rights of Indian women. Attempts to legally ban selective abortions have not yielded great results, which has led to a change in the composition of the population towards an increase in men. However, this problem, created by the Hindus themselves, has not yet prompted Indian society to radical changes.

Unlike European standards, it is enough for a woman in India to be a good wife and mother, and a man does not need to be explained why he should fully provide for his family and help his parents.
We will not talk about women for whom getting married abroad means a chance to improve their standard of living. However, even those who are looking for great and pure love often limit their search to a very specific region or even one country. This, in principle, is understandable: cultural differences can be insurmountable, and few in their right mind would want to live anywhere in Zimbabwe. In the general mass, temperamental Italians are close to hot Ukrainian women, thorough Germans to economic Russian women, and restrained Scandinavians to quiet Belarusian women. Such inclinations are confirmed by the statistics of marriage services.

Bollywood.

Of course people everywhere are different and beautiful and not beautiful. The percentage is equal in almost all races and nationalities.

This is the call for new recruits in the Indian army. Real photo from the fields. They are all very different as you can see. Of course, the nationwide, unaccustomed to us, somewhat unpleasant in my opinion "darkness and swarthyness" is evident.

Why did the trends suddenly turn to the East? Psychologist Elena Kostyuk explains this by ideal cultural and genetic compatibility. At first glance, this is not at all obvious: how is it - incomprehensible and somewhat barbaric India and we are all so ... different. In fact, Indian culture at one time became almost the basis for the Slavic one. The Vedas, runic writing, pagan gods and legends, even the language (and now you can find many words with the same root), and most importantly, family values. An Indian man, like a Slavic woman, is focused on creating a family, the intra-family structure also does not differ much, but most importantly, these ideas largely coincide. Unlike European standards, it is enough for a woman to be a good wife and mother, and a man does not need to be explained why he must fully provide for his family and help his parents. Plus beautiful courtship, a rather mild temperament and the needs of the family in the first place - that's the new Indian-Slavic cell of society is ready. This is a kind of balance between the radical East, too strict for the freedom-loving Slav, and the West, obsessed with cold rationalism.

A guy who is looking for random acquaintances with me via Skype. Sorry mate, you got it. Be careful with online dating.

Why do we need it?
The main reason is the banal imbalance of men and women in the main three suppliers of brides Russia-Belarus-Ukraine. It is known that there are disproportionately few men here, and if we subtract infantile egoists spoiled by traditional upbringing, drinking, having certain problems and simply lazy, finally, the figure will come out completely microscopic. Whether it's India - they just have a catastrophic lack of girls, but there are more than enough guys of all stripes. Any Slav, just walking down the street in an Indian city, will forever receive an inoculation against all complexes, a hundred compliments and a dozen marriage proposals (a couple of which will be in all seriousness). In India, there are many poor people, quite a few rich ones, and there is also a middle class that is quite typical for us. Not all Indians will be able to live with a foreigner, not everyone earns enough for our usual level of comfort, not everyone has good intentions towards a white girl. Some are frankly ugly and many are uneducated. But there are also a huge number of attractive young (and not only) people - with an excellent education, the necessary worldview and the desire to start a family.

Our girls get married in the "Olympic" way - for exchange students or former students. Someone left their heart during a tourist trip, while others, inspired by the example, deliberately register on Indian dating sites. By the way, unlike Western resources, most of the men there are focused specifically on creating a family. And it is considered normal when the questionnaire is filled out by relatives or close friends. True, due to the same traditionalism, many prefer Indian women, but a lot of attention falls to the lot of Slavic beauties. And the Indians know how to take care in the best traditions of Bollywood - with poems (sometimes even with dance songs), passionate confessions, promises to throw the world at their feet and love until death, dramatic gestures and other attributes of sugar melodramas.

Why do they need it?
Everyone has their own reasons. One of the most important is the impossibility or unwillingness to find a partner in India. There are very few women in some states, and even fewer who are suitable for a young man with modern views. Often Indian women are unemotional, shackled by traditional upbringing, often uneducated. Sometimes the financial situation, the status of the family or the plans of the parents become obstacles. In addition, among young people it is prestigious to have a foreign girl: Slav women are considered very beautiful (especially blondes, exotic for the East), caring and smart. A wife from abroad is also a challenge to the foundations, impudence and self-affirmation, because even today most marriages are arranged by agreement between parents and resemble bargaining, where the material condition and social status of both families are necessarily taken into account, and the interests of young people are purely symbolic. As a result, the situation is the norm when a young family has almost no sexual life at all. A husband may never see his wife without clothes in her entire life, and relationships on the side are carefully hidden only from neighbors.

However, in this spicy barrel of honey, half is tar, when the pluses turn into minuses. It is not uncommon for white girls to play the role of an expensive toy (including a sexual one) before marriage at the choice of their parents. Indians are able to fool their heads for years, have children, live in two families, lie about the death of their mother, tell the Great Sad Story of their whole life and invent other reasons that "yet" do not allow you to introduce your chosen one to your family or officially register a marriage. At this time, the "poor lover" may well raise three children at home or prepare for his own wedding. For some reason, it is believed that all foreign women are fabulously rich, so a narrow-minded, but handsome swarthy young man can persistently drag any lady with a foreign name down the aisle. At the same time, the "madame" must pay for the entertainment of the "poor, but selflessly loving" young man, and if you're lucky, then for something bigger than drinking in the club.

History reference. The tallest men are in Northern Europe, the lowest in India and Southeast Africa. The average height of an Indian man is 165 cm.

Why Indian?

* Ddiana: Because of the nature. Calm, caring for children, helper around the house, no bad habits.

* 0lu: I was purposefully looking for just such a man. Bright films, passionate dances of Indian machos in clips, heartfelt chats with the inhabitants of Hindustan, Indian friends with whom it was very interesting played their role ... But the main thing was their perception of life, positive thinking, their desire for complete reunion with the soul of their beloved.

* Jalpari: Yes, of course, everything is beautiful in Indian cinema, the heroes are ready to give their lives for their beloved and overcome all obstacles, while singing beautiful songs.

And in life everything is much more prosaic. And for the most part, Indian men, on the contrary, are brought up with not too romantic natures, they don’t know how to care (because marriages are often arranged) and strain (you don’t need to win a girl). So all these rainbow tales are only in films. In life, everything is completely different.

* NatalyaGhotra: I am free from drunken Fridays, the smell of fumes, the stench of socks and armpits, obscenities, passive smoking and disrespect for my mother with an Indian.

* Luanika: My Indian knows how to love sincerely and tenderly, and passionately, and devotedly, and... I used to think that such love happens only in Indian films, but it turns out that they really are like that. Our relationship can be called solid Indian cinema, sometimes with real dramas.

* Nadia: Reliable and loyal! This is exactly what Russian men cannot boast of!

* Alia: Many people go to India with pleasure solely for the purpose of seeing the country. But there remain units. Another thing is that many simply get used to it and put up with it, because they see no other way out. I know more than one couple who broke up because the girl could not agree to live in India.

* Oxana Devi: My Indian compares favorably with the Russian guys. Educated, athletic, non-drinker, non-smoker, non-swearing, with respect for the female sex, parents (including mine, although they did not accept him). And, of course, interesting. From our men, it is obviously clear what can be expected and what will happen in the end, but with him everything was new and unusual! Well, how can you not fall in love at the age of twenty?

* Kusaka: My Indian smokes, and he can drink so much that my Russian relatives opened their mouths. Therefore, when asked why an Indian, I cannot answer in the same way as many girls. And even though these bad habits confuse me myself

and strain, I love him, smoking and wildly emotional, drinking vodka in Russian, but very gentle, caring and overly smart. He turned out to be so similar to my dad, who was my best friend in life, similar in a way that no native Russian guy was like.

* leno4ka_love: I never had obsessive thoughts to connect my life with a foreigner, especially with an Indian. Now I see that in many ways the Indians are superior to the Russians, at least my husband. Indians are much more inclined to do romantic things than Russians. And they know how to have fun very cool and most often without alcohol. In our relationship there were many of the same moments as in Indian cinema: romance, passion, and the intensity of relations with an unknown ending. They are all very hot. So this is another plus in favor of the Indians.

Thanks for the responses from forum.bharatconnect.net forum members.

But it's all at the top of the photo were expectations.))) But the harsh reality.

Bollywood with borscht flavor
Maryana is a typical Ukrainian woman with curvaceous and explosive character. She met her future husband Prana at one of the conferences. Behind a typical jock, in front - an intellectual with glasses. He intrigued the girl like an exotic curiosity. All week they were exclusively semi-scientific disputes, and after - two years of life in front of an Internet camera. The young man still could not earn money for a brighter future and tell about his Ukrainian love to conservative parents, who slowly threw him photos of girls suitable for marriage. The temperamental Maryana tried several times to break off relations, but each time Pran staged a drama in the best Bollywood traditions, and she gave up. So that the girl would not get bored, he sang national songs and even showed skits, wrapped in a curtain. But when the second year of sobs and scandals in front of the camera was already ending, the girl set a condition: if in three months he did not resolve his issues, she left. Pran realized that everything was serious only when, after this time, Maryana stopped answering calls and letters. A month later, an Indian stood on the threshold of her "three-ruble note", where a grandmother, two hamsters and a dog lived with the girl's parents. Right on the threshold, he made an offer and, quickly orienting himself, divided a large bouquet of roses into three dumbfounded women. To say that the parents were shocked is an understatement. Mom clutched her heart and moaned that she would not let her girl go “to the Papuans”, the grandmother considered the guy as an unusual animal and all the time tried to feed him bananas. As a result, after talking with the future son-in-law, the father made a decision: there would be a wedding, but in Kyiv.

In Jaipur, the whole street came to look at the Ukrainian daughter-in-law. And for the family, the news of their son's marriage was a real horror. The mother did not even want to talk to her, and the father defiantly poured the boiled borscht into the barnyard. Carefully selected gifts were contemptuously checked in the hands and distributed to the neighbors. On the very first night, the mother-in-law screwed the doorknob to the wall hook, so that the young couple's bedroom remained open all the time, "because you never know what can happen behind closed doors." By the way, the husband's parents defiantly did not close their doors, and the mother went to bed right in the sari. The next day, relatives ran in and, without ceremony, climbed into the suitcases to examine clothes, touched their hair and fingers with extended nails, talking in the local dialect. Pran declared that they would live with their parents, and that's when all hell broke loose.

Mariana had to get up at half past five and do all the housework, do laundry for her family, cook only local food and not leave the house without permission. She found things spoiled, the surrounding aunts - in her Guerlain lipstick, and in the living room - regular matchmakers. After a week of such a life, the girl rebelled. Mariana personally hammered a huge latch on the door and ignored all the knocks of her mother-in-law until 10 in the morning, then put on jeans, a very frank top and, taking a neighbor's teenage girl, went shopping. By lunchtime, she was greeted at the gate by the whole house, but attempts to scold stumbled upon a response in the spirit of "hands on hips - and on the tank." As a result, when Pran came home from work, there was a pot of borscht and a dish of dumplings on the table. The young ate with pleasure, but the parents did not touch. For two days Maryana was in charge of the kitchen until the family gave up. Diligently grimacing, they nevertheless tried Ukrainian cuisine for several days - from a loaf to kissel, but in the end they presented their son with an ultimatum: he must take his wife “where he took it” or he is not their son.

Here Pran rebelled, he took his wife and went to live in Delhi. It suddenly turned out that it is customary to hire an assistant (and, in fact, a servant) to work around the house, that you can equip an apartment to your liking and cook only for your own pleasure. Outside the parental home, the husband changed a lot and tried to fill the void that was formed away from friends, family and beloved work. Gradually, Maryana liked India, Pran helped her open a design studio, they traveled a lot, and gifts flew to Kyiv from all over the country, and three years later they had twins. When the children were two years old, the young family decided to go to Jaipur again. This time, the kids were able to melt outright hostility, and borscht became a signature dish, which the whole street now cooks with pleasure. The marriage of Maryana and Prana is already six years old, and both did not regret their decision for a minute.

Double past
Anna and Nikhil's romance began during the rainy season in Mumbai. The handsome doctor knew how to care, and by the end of the vacation, the girl left head over heels in love. He called her daily, and six months later she again gathered in India to support the man at a difficult moment. He did not come to meet her, and the girl got to the house of her lover herself. But Nikhil did not let her even on the threshold, so as not to disturb the peace of her dying parents. Anna rented a room in a cheap hotel and fought insects all day, and in the evening Nikhil came and spent the night with her. He constantly borrowed money for taxis, food, and "suffered a lot." One evening he called and said that his parents were very bad and he would not come, but what a pity: they would never see his bride. The girl rushed to his house so as not to deprive the old people of their last joy, and what was her surprise when she found an elderly couple quite healthy and not even aware of her existence. But the worst thing was that Nikhil's wife came out to meet her - a pretty young Indian woman with a baby in her arms. By the way, the man turned out to be not at all a respected and busy doctor, but an ordinary waiter who borrowed clothes from his friends for dates. Having lost his temper, he threatened to post Anna's intimate photos on the Internet and deleted them only under an oath that he would never see her on the threshold of his house again.

Among Indian youth, it is prestigious to date a foreign girl: Slav women are considered very beautiful (especially exotic blondes for the East), caring and smart. A wife from abroad is also a challenge to the foundations, audacity and self-assertion
A year after the story with Nikhil, Anna married Arjun, a guide from Agra. The wedding mehendi had not yet come off her hands, as it turned out that she was obliged to obey her husband in everything, wear only Indian clothes, cook only Indian food. She is obliged to please his friends, who make noise in the kitchen all night and can camp in their house for several days, but cannot spend money on themselves. A silent elderly Indian woman helped her with the housework, and the neighbors only talk about housework and TV shows. A culturologist by education, Anna was crazy about this medieval life, but her husband was happy with everything. Slow, like all Indians, he never had time to do anything, earned little, and commanded a lot. The girl was able to live in Agra for only a year and a half, she often wandered among the many sights and, it seems, was the only way to save herself. It has been a year since she returned to St. Petersburg, where she lives with her son Arnav, and it seems that now she is allergic to Indians.

Everything ahead
- I met Sanjay on the Internet two and a half years ago. He wrote to me on a dating site, where I registered to raise my self-esteem, - says Olesya from Minsk. - The idea that my boyfriend could be an Asian, I dismissed immediately. Not for racist reasons - very different cultures. However, India was a desirable exotic for me, and I really wanted to talk with a real Indian. And when Sanjay wrote a correct and polite message, I thought that it’s definitely not forbidden to talk, even if you don’t like the person outwardly. And his photo, I must say, was terrible. At first, I bombarded him with questions like “is it true that ...”, he wrote long letters about himself, and then we did not notice how we became friends.

When he turned on the camera, I realized that I had hit. The guy turned out to be a real handsome man with a stunning smile, I even slid down to the floor and sit silently, and he was afraid that I didn’t like him. Directly on the Internet, Sanjay suggested that I meet and then marry him (we had not even seen each other then). Then he came here, met my family, I heard his parents only on the phone. I have to wait two more years.

Maybe I will seem crazy to someone, but for me there is no closer person. Every day for two years he talks to me on Skype, supports me, endures all my tantrums and whims. It is very difficult to love at a distance, and I tried to break it more than once - it all became so unbearable, but even from another country he managed to prevent this. Sanjay is soft and at the same time does not let himself be overwhelmed. And he is very, very patient - we do not have such men.

I have my own small business in Minsk, and I am one of those girls who will not eat, but buy Louboutin shoes. I need comfort and prosperity, and I know that Sanjay cannot provide them for me. I can’t give up my ideas: I’ve worked for this all my life. It can be said that I am a bitch and a careerist, I know that if I decide to be with him, there will be big problems - we just have a completely different level of minimum comfort. But, even being sure that our common tomorrow is impossible, I believe: it will find a way out, and I will get my personal Bollywood love story.

Usually all stories have a happy ending, maybe mine will one day fall into that category too. I'm afraid to tire everyone by talking about my problems, but maybe someone who reads this and thinks will not repeat my mistake.

I am an adopted daughter, my mother (who adopted me) brought me from the Chita region, very small, when I was six months old. She was brought up in strictness, but had no refusal in anything. The only problem that played a bad role in my fate was that my mother was addicted to alcohol. I remember that I was very afraid of her and was waiting for my exit into an adult, independent life.

Time flies very fast... She got her secondary education and worked. But the habit of being afraid never left me. Sometimes I wanted to run away, hide somewhere. But where? So she lived until one phone rang ...

Beautiful autumn evening, this is my favorite time of the year. One of my classmates, who is fond of India, called and invited me to the House of Friendship for one of the Indian holidays. After much persuasion, I agreed. At this holiday, I was followed by one Indian boy, who, frankly, didn’t like anything for me, I didn’t understand him well and I didn’t care. When parting, he asked for my phone number, she didn’t give me my home phone number (she became an adult, but she was still afraid of her mother), and one of the workers wrote.

For quite a long time he did not call, I already forgot both about the evening and about the boy from India. But it was not there. At one fine moment at work, I was called to the telephone, where the fuzzy Russian language reminded me of an autumn meeting in the House of Friendship on the Arbat. I don’t know why, but I didn’t refuse to meet him. Having called all the same classmate, I arrived with her at the Sportivnaya station. Coming out of the car, I saw a boy who was similar to the one I had already seen, and at the same time, no, he was very different. Tight, neat haircut, dressed in a classic style. Something touched me, I remember, I even admired him. And so our friendship began - pure, trusting, naive and very kind ...

Having got to know him better, I gathered all the strength that I had and told my mother about our meetings. I remember that she was shocked, I immediately received the answer: “You have to finish everything. This is not yours. If you leave, you will be a servant...” After listening to everything, I hid, never spoke to her about anything again, but our meetings furtively continued. This obstacle and at the same time fear gave me some strength for resourcefulness, lies - which never happened in my character ...

So the years went by. There is another segment in my life, which led me to the desire to be with him forever, but I can’t write about it, I write this, and my eyes are drowning in tears ...

The Hindu had to leave Russia, but I had some hope that we would definitely be together. I received letters from India through his friends, as my mother had a habit of reading them. I remember I often had dreams that were prophetic. For example, getting up at work after a break, I already knew that he would call me - and it came true. And not just once. We talked with him at such a great distance, but the last distant call was very close. He joked and already said with confidence that our meeting was not far off.

It was really so, he returned to Moscow with the words that we would stay together forever. A month after his arrival, we filed an application with the registry office and were looking forward to the start of our official relationship. Now we don't have to hide, lie, dodge. Mom, of course, was against it, but it happened. I married an Indian. Many tenants from the house where I lived with my mother were heartily happy for me. Everything, now we are together, and the countdown of our family life has begun.

It was quite difficult - I worked, he studied. At first, I had to live with my mother, as I think you understand all the subtleties of this period of marriage ... But the world is not without good people, because I also somehow helped them ...

The doctor from the ambulance advised to live with one paralyzed woman, without pay, but with care for her. My God, what happiness it was to live separately and not spend money! As for the waste of my strength, I did not pay any attention to this, and he, too, just knew that it had to be done.

And so it happened, and it continues to this day. As I put it on, so I'm taking it.

Here I first learned the secrets of family life. By no means what you might think. Those secrets that I did not speak about until I had the strength to remain silent, and the shame to tell anyone about the loosening of hands, insults ... And all this after how much I did for him and until now I continue make.

Having married a Hindu, I myself tied these marriage bonds, although there were quite a lot of opponents to this. The first one is my mother. Whatever the mother, she can foresee his child's fate, she can also direct him to the right path. M, young, daring and stubborn, we kill in them, maybe a few years of such a short life ...

We lived there for a very short time, bought our own apartment, already definitely our own with a contract of sale in our hands - God, how much joy! So, our walks around the apartments ended there, and in my case, through torment. We lived happily in a new apartment not so long, what I mentioned above began again. Shame again: What will people from my street say when they meet me if I leave him? And so they lived - less and less joy, but sadness often upset me ...

Our first baby was born after 12 years of marriage. It was a girl, a joy for me, my mother's helper. For my husband, it's a problem. Of course, he was also very happy with her, but he immediately warned: "Grow up a little - and we will leave here, we need to protect her from this dirty culture." Yes, like this, living in Russian culture, choosing a life partner, having lived and earning a lot of things here - all this was considered and is still considered dirty by him.

When our daughter was four years old, we decided to leave. By this time, I had already lost my mother. Thinking that with his parents, it would be better for us and for them. There were a lot of stopping friends, but I didn’t listen. And what to do - after all, the husband said ...

What can I write about my life here in hot and contrasting India? Talking about each individual case, I will tire not only myself, but also you. Therefore, I will make a reservation, I am writing about myself, about my fate and in no case about India as a whole, there are a lot of happy destinies ...

Perhaps I'll start. “Married to a Hindu” - what concept is meant by this phrase? Here the husband is a god, even if he says "black" about white, you must support him, why - yes, because he is a god. They beat me, humiliate me, my opinions, protests and just desires are not put into anything. I am a machine, I have to do everything. Even if he beat me, I have no right to tell this to anyone, because he is always right, and only he. You are a wife, you must understand what problems he has. He will not go out into the street, beating someone and thereby calming his soul. What for? There is a wife nearby, who, when crying, should immediately calm down and stop shedding tears. The wife - if he needs to - will go with him to a separate room, even after he just beat her. She must - her husband is God ...

The whole house is on my shoulders, and it's all the same: "You're not doing anything." Why? Yes, because you are a machine. But machines, too, wear out with constant use and without attention ...

I don’t know where, but with the birth of my sons, I gained strength and confidence that I could still do something for myself and my children. I know what difficulties await me, but, compared to the current ones, it seems to me that they will not present difficulties for me - I will overcome everything. And what needs to be done for this is just to get out of this hot and contrasting India. Difficulties arise when the baby was born here, he can only leave with his dad, and if without him, then you need his receipt that he gives the right to export your child. So far this is one of my main obstacles, but I think it can be overcome...

The right to decide for you - to have or not to have. Think about it if you don't want to lose everything later.

Preparing for family life - grateful work: distance (online) course

Our previous material, in which a woman from Petrozavodsk, who married a Muslim and lived in Kabul for two years, what it is like to be married to an oriental man, aroused considerable interest among our readers. Therefore, we decided to continue this topic and talked with Nastya, also from Petrozavodsk, who married an Indian and now lives in India. It turned out that in such an alliance there are also many nuances and pitfalls. Anastasia frankly told why Indians come off when they come to Russia and have several Russian girlfriends at once, why she had to start wearing a sari, what a real Indian wedding looks like, and whether Indians know the Kama Sutra by heart.

- In some ways, my story is probably atypical, - Nastya warns and immediately notices: - however, how unique is the story of every girl who married an Indian man. And all because India itself is a very peculiar and diverse country with an incredible interweaving of customs, living conditions, cultures and religions. Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Sikhs! Sometimes it makes my head spin!

Acquaintance and love

She met her future husband in a student camp. Then Kamal studied at the Northern Medical University of the city of Arkhangelsk, and Nastya - at the Faculty of Philology of PetrSU.

Arriving in Russia, Indians often come off, as they say, - Nastya admits. - They do not have premarital relations between young people in their homeland, especially since there are more men than women in Punjab. Here, Indian guys are very popular, as a rule, everyone has a Russian girlfriend, and not even one. There is no question of serious intentions: Indian young men share photos of girls and frankly tell each other about what they had and with whom. And here I want to say: girls, be smarter! How many hearts do Indians break! You are left to shed tears, and they go home, where they marry "their own"!

Kamal (by the way, in Hinduism, Kama is the god of love) was one of the most handsome Indian guys, and the girls just hung around his neck! - says Nastya. - I also fell head over heels in love with him, but, unlike other girls, I didn’t show it, and this intrigued him, hurt him. I immediately made it clear that I did not want to be one of many and did not welcome close relationships outside of marriage. Kamal was surprised, and I felt that he respected me. Word for word - began to meet. When I returned to Petrozavodsk, and he returned to Arkhangelsk, we talked via Skype every day.

Studies

Kamal studied according to a special program: if you return to your homeland and work in your area for five years, the state compensates part of the funds spent on study.

By the way, many Indian guys do not complete their studies just because of their many adventures.

So at least in this sense, getting to know me benefited him! - Nastya laughs. - Eliminated all debts and tails and received a diploma. On the eve of his presentation, he proposed to me. But he immediately warned: if his parents are against it, we, unfortunately, will not be able to get married.

naughty sari

Kamal said: it is better if you are in national clothes when meeting your parents. And… gave me a sari! Who would have known how much nerves I spent with this outfit! - recalls Nastya. - Putting on and wearing a sari is a real art! I searched the Internet for patterns, watched videos, borrowed books from the National Library, for example, Fashion India by D. Arti is a whole encyclopedia dedicated to saris! It turns out that the national Indian outfit is a kind of visiting card of a woman. By the color and pattern of the fabric, you can determine where it comes from and what its status is. The saree is an enigmatic garment that has no hooks, no buttons, no drawstrings, yet somehow holds on! This was the main problem: the fabric kept slipping off me! It took me a long time to realize what a comfortable, feminine, elegant outfit it is, which develops a unique gait in an Indian woman and gives her the appearance of a living statue.

Getting to know the parents

The Kamala family is of the Hindu faith and they are vegetarians. However, my fiancé did not mind that I ate meat, and therefore suggested: “Let me take you to dinner in a cafe, eat chicken there!” I refused: why be hypocritical? - says Nastya. - In addition, the local vegetarian dishes seemed surprisingly tasty to me. Vegetables, rice and flatbread - many Indians eat this all their lives. And, oddly enough, they don’t know what low hemoglobin is!

By the way, people of a different faith live nearby. Everyone coexists very peacefully, they always congratulate each other on religious holidays, bring refreshments.

Fortunately, Kamal's dad and mom took me well. I was in a modest sari, with my head covered, without makeup, my hair was braided. She fell at the feet of her parents, kissed her father's hand. It was easy for me. I set myself up like this: I came to another country - observe its customs!

Wedding

I will not bore you with a description of the bureaucratic obstacles that we had to go through in order to register our international marriage. I would rather say that an Indian wedding is an unforgettable sight! Flower garlands, henna hand painting, bright makeup, a red and gold sari, a tent and a throne for the newlyweds - everything is like in a fairy tale! The day of the wedding was appointed by the astrologer. In India, this is the most important figure - they won’t even take a step without him! - says Nastya. - At first we lived with Kamal's parents. It is so accepted here: everything is together and everything is in common. Then they separated anyway. It was difficult to communicate with his family in the sense that they do not know either English or Russian, and I do not speak Hindi. Rescued sign language and ... a smile! Fortunately, for the most part, Indians are very friendly and simple-minded.

Kamasutra

Unable to resist, I asked about the Kama Sutra. At first Nastya was embarrassed, and then she laughed.

Yes, the culture of love relationships among Indians is very developed! There is a serious, almost scientific approach to this. And this is despite the almost universal absence of premarital intimate life and, as I would put it, spiritual chastity. How do they manage to combine? In this, as in everything, India is a country of contrasts: on the one hand, a lot of strictness and prohibitions, on the other hand, the worship of the lingam of the god Shiva (it’s embarrassing to write what a lingam is, so if anyone doesn’t know, look on the Internet!) and figures in frank love poses decorating the walls of temples!

India and Indians

According to Nastya, the national trait is optionality and slowness. If an Indian said that he would come to you, for example, to repair a computer at one o'clock in the afternoon, then you may well wait for him until the evening, and he will appear as if nothing had happened! They are also very emotional people: they cry and laugh like children! They love Bollywood films and idolize their actors: there are such queues at the cinemas! They like to be photographed with foreigners very much: they come up, ask, is it possible? By the way, Nastya warns that you should not act with Indian guys: many then brag to their friends that they had a “relationship” with this girl, and even write about it on VKontakte.

As for unsanitary conditions, that is, of course, but not on such a scale as is commonly believed.

Any Petrozavodsk garbage heap with untimely removed garbage or a landfill is in no way inferior to the notorious Indian heap of dirt, Nastya noted. - And so India is a very beautiful country! It is not worth talking about it, you have to come and see it, because for everyone it is revealed in its own way.

Products

Frozen meat is not sold in stores. Everything is fresh here. Preserves are also almost non-existent.

By the way, often out of respect for each other, Hindus (not all of them are vegetarians) do not eat pork, and Muslims do not eat beef. What do they eat? Chicken, lamb, goat.

When Kamal and I rented an apartment, I started eating meat again, - Nastya admits. - You won't believe how different what we buy in Petrozavodsk stores differs from real fresh meat! Yes, and fruits and vegetables cannot be compared with those that are brought to Karelia. We have all some kind of artificial, "rubber".

Work and the future

The profession of a doctor in India is considered prestigious and monetary. When Kamal has completed the required five years, we will probably leave for some big city, ”Nastya shares. - Living conditions are better there, there are good schools where teaching is conducted both in Hindi and in English. If we have children, we will have to think about it. In the meantime, the husband is gaining experience by working in a hospital. Medical institutions here are different - there are free, for the poor, there are for the rich. In those for the poor, conditions are much worse than in ours. But in India there are very good medicines, especially of plant origin. Great natural cosmetics! And great toothpaste.

As for Nastya, she does not work yet, because there is simply nowhere, and she dreams of becoming a guide.

The profession is interesting and popular, especially in India, where there are so many antiquities! Although, after getting married, Indian women mostly sit at home, - she said and finally admitted: - Of course, I miss my relatives and my homeland very much. Fortunately, there is Skype, you can chat. A trip to Russia is expensive due to a long flight, but Kamal and I will still come to Petrozavodsk, if not this year, then next. So wait!