How to choose one man out of two. Assessing our own feelings... You are a "bitch"

28.05.2019

Women who are beautiful and lucky in love are always envied. Less happy ladies try to connect life with the one who got married, even if the chosen one and the cancer are without fish. They do not understand the complex beauty dilemma - how to choose one from two men so as not to miss.

Marina, the heroine of Tatyana Dogileva in the film "Station for Two", had the same problem. Watch a short excerpt from this film. Perhaps this situation is close to you, and together we will try to figure out how to make this difficult choice.

PS: Unfortunately, the video is not played on the site, you need to click "View on Youtube".

The choice is really difficult. Having refused one, you will have to meet tomorrow with another, and perhaps for many years to come. But it is so difficult to break off relations with an "offsider" who had so many wonderful qualities that the chosen one does not have. But in order to choose a truly worthy man, one must not single out specific qualities, but take something in between and then work on his development herself.

One bright quality is not an indicator of a superman. Sometimes a “fat plus” in character, habits or appearance can give the opposite - a “fat minus”. And then this quality, which so attracted you from the beginning, may soon turn you away and you will regret that you really missed. How? Read on - you'll find out.

If the guy is handsome

How sometimes appearances can be deceiving! Apparently, it was nature itself that created the external beauty of a person, as if she had guessed some kind of secret code: if you cope with decoding, you will understand what kind of person is inside. But ideal handsome men with an impeccable figure have such cockroaches in their heads:

Knowing about his perfection, the handsome man is most often arrogant and demands an ideal from his girlfriend. Such a union is reminiscent of puppet Barbie and Ken.

He constantly needs enthusiastic praise in his address. Something is wrong with the appearance of his chosen one - he will change it for another.

At first, beauty really beckons. But if a man lacks charm and a pleasant character, then soon the features of a pretty face will seem ugly. But an interesting guy with a sense of humor, but with an ordinary appearance, it seems already against the background of a handsome man, just a god. Therefore, firstly, find out what your chosen one is hiding under his guise, and secondly, draw conclusions.

If the guy is a rich Pinocchio

This is another type of men who are so rushed by women. And how many these fools were burned later, thinking that they would always throw rose petals at their feet. Maybe at first it will be so, but once everyday life will begin. But in order to explain in more detail, it is necessary to break this case into three parts.

Major Boy

It's not his money, but his parents'. If you want to marry such a person (if you are no match for him), keep in mind that, first of all, you will often be pointed out to your place in the corner. Because you don't deserve anything in a rich boy's house. If you choose a guy, then let it be without parental easy money, but aspiring and sociable, who will still make a career with or without you. And in general, "to become a general's wife, one must be married to a lieutenant." Initially, it is better to do a career together.

Middle aged man

Well, the union is quite decent if you can give him something of yourself: beauty, grooming, good manners, create comfort in the house, raise children correctly. But often women fall into a golden cage. Only a man can indicate what you are allowed to do, since he dressed and shod you, and you are covered in chocolate. Then such unfortunate swells come to various talk shows, sob with crocodile tears, and tell how unhappy she is - her husband beat her, took away her children, kicked her out of the house.

Old moneybag

It is clear that such marriages are always a calculation if the girl is young (and the rich will not take the old woman). Marriage barter: "I give you money, you give me a body." And will you like this? Will you love him? Wouldn't you like to jump into the bed of your peer while bathing in wealth? Most likely you will. But keep in mind - most often it happens that moneybags aged quickly figure out treason - they have become wiser over the years. And the result is the same - a kick in the ass.

So, when marrying for money (regardless of the age of the man), keep in mind that not everything is so simple. Marriage is not bad if you have at least one of these qualities:

Before marriage, you have enough of your own capital to be on an equal footing.

You are smart and driven enough to make your own career.

You have enough impudence, impudence and courage to run around the courts in case of a divorce.

How to choose by temperament

So, if we figured out the rich handsome men (these are the most requested qualities in women), then we will still return from heaven to earth when the time comes for a choice. You can't date two at the same time - it's time to get married. Let's find you a guy by temperament.

You are a glamorous bitch

As a rule, people like you are looking for rich handsome men. But conclusions have been drawn. If you are still a little naive, then you need a calm and serious guy - it is with him that you will gain intelligence and wisdom. Let him see you as an initially beautiful doll. But it is he who will help you avoid big mistakes in life. He will be able to gradually subdue your ardor, which is exactly what is needed.

You are a homebody

Yes, you like not to exhibit, parties are disgusting to you, and housekeeping is your favorite thing. You really don't need a reveler who lives his life in nightclubs. You will be jealous. But you also don’t need a homebody who has buried himself in a computer for days - you will lose interest in each other. Better than the one that will occasionally take you out to quiet parties in a narrow circle of friends, on a picnic, on long trips by car around the cities. Then the two of you will not be bored.

You are bright and cheerful

These are most loved by brutal men. Rockers in leather jackets with stern faces. Well, these guys are good for parties, but in everyday life they can be difficult - they don’t like everyday life and in life they are often aggressive. For a family, in this case, an easy-going merry fellow is needed, with whom there will always be a holiday.

You are a businesswoman

This is where marriage with a wealthy man will be good. Interests are the same - you are both career lovers and know how to make money. In general, you don’t need a leisurely vacation, because in a few days of vacation you can lose capital and business acumen. And for both, it's a disaster.

You are a "bitch"

You don't like housework, and you don't give a damn about wealth. Your style is hippie-free. In this case, it’s still too early for you to choose a man, perhaps: it’s just that there may be the same person nearby who doesn’t think about the future yet and lives one day, and who will love you, despite your frivolous nature.

The best male qualities

Now look at what criteria you need to choose the best of the two for later life:

Kind

Not humiliatingly kind, but with a calm, gentle character. He will never raise his hand against a woman and children. Even if not everything goes smoothly with the future relatives of the wife, he will at least treat them condescendingly.

Purposeful

With such fearless to have lunch. Even if he does not achieve great heights, then at least there will always be prosperity in the family.

Witty

Yes, without humor, a man is not a man. You will never get bored with him, and if he also speaks wit in the company, then he will also be a soul in it. And this is everyone's attention.

Suitable for temperament in bed

Sex is not the last place in family life, so if you love each other perfectly as you want, then cheating can be avoided.

Smart

The way a person thinks, listens to others, analyzes - can say a lot about his future. A stupid fool will not achieve much, even if he somehow has a higher education.

Knowing the measure

It's not just alcohol and smoking. Even gambling can be dangerous. Therefore, if in the company he is cheerful without terrible libations, and not a gamer who spends all his money on games, then the golden mean is the norm.

This is exactly the case when his interest coincides with yours. Then you will be not only a family, but also best friends, and this is most important with your loved one.

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Someone will say - "to love two at once - this is promiscuity." And someone will say - "Great! Double portion of attention! And someone will even say that this is not love at all, since you are drawn to two sides at once. And only one in a thousand will understand how hard it is when the heart is torn from love at once for both men.

What to do? How to choose one of the only two of them?

Testing Yourself - 8 Methods for Choosing Between Two Guys or Men

If the heart does not want to be determined at all, and the spiritual weather vane is spinning like crazy, it makes sense to test yourself and make the task of such a serious choice easier.

We appreciate the positive qualities of each ...

Does he have a sense of humor? Can he cheer you up, and does he understand your jokes? A person with a sense of humor looks at the world in a completely different way and charges everyone around with his optimism.
What do you feel when he touches you? And is he able to restrain himself in the manifestation of feelings?
What are his interests in life? Is he a purposeful person with his own outlook on life or a bore who values his own comfort more than anything in life?
How does he act when someone needs help? ? Is he in a hurry to help without hesitation, or is he pretending that this does not concern him?
What exactly attracts him to you (besides your appearance)?
How much time does he spend with you? Relishes every minute, stretches out the pleasure, hurries to you right away, as soon as you have a free “minute”? Or is he in a hurry on a date, constantly looking at his watch, leaving immediately "after ..."?
How often does he call you? Right before you arrive with a brutal “Baby, I’m coming over today”? Or just barely having time to go beyond the threshold, with a sigh - “baby, I already miss you” and almost every hour, just to find out how you are?
Does he flirt with other girls in your presence?
How does he treat children?

Assessing our own feelings...

How do you feel when she calls or sends a message?
Do you feel “at your place” and “at ease” next to him?
Does it make your heart beat faster with just the touch of your hand?
Can you imagine being with him in your old age?
Does he accept you for who you are?
Do you feel next to him that “wings open” and “you want to live to the fullest”?
Or are you next to him, like a shadow or a bird in a beautiful cage?
Do you feel like you are getting better around him?
Does it support your desires and aspirations in development?
Do you feel special, most loved and desired next to him?
Without which of them do you suffocate, as if you cut off the oxygen?

We evaluate the negative sides of both ...

Does he have bad habits that annoy you?
How jealous is he? It’s bad if he’s not completely jealous - either he’s disingenuous, or he just doesn’t care. It is also bad if jealousy goes off scale, and every passer-by who briefly smiles at you runs the risk of getting in the nose. The golden mean here is just that.
Does he care what you wear and how you look? Of course, every man wants his woman to be the most stunning and beautiful, but a mature man usually hides the long legs of his half from other people's eyes and disapproves of short skirts, too bright makeup and other charms.
How heavy is the burden of the past behind him? And if "very heavy" - will it interfere with your relationship?
Does he try to control you? Or is he always looking for a compromise if a controversial issue arises?
Is he able to admit that he is wrong?
How often does he have outbursts of unreasonable aggression?
Is he able to take the first step towards reconciliation if you had a fight?
Did you notice lies behind him? How candid is he with you? How high is the level of trust between you?
Has he told you about his past love? And in what tone? If he remembers the former too often, most likely, his feelings for her have not yet cooled down. If he remembers with "bad words" - it is worth considering. A real man will never say bad things about a former passion, even if she gave him "hell on earth."
If you get sick, does he run for medicine and sit by your bed? Or waits until you get better, occasionally sending SMS “Well, how are you doing”?

Appreciate the feelings of both ...

How deep are his feelings for you? Is he ready to connect his life with you forever or is your relationship superficial and based only on physical attraction?
What is he willing to sacrifice for you? Will he be able to rush after you if you suddenly decide to study / work in another city?
What might be his reaction if you decide to break up with him? “Come on, goodbye” or “What happened?”? Will he immediately disappear from your life or will he fight for you? Of course, you don’t need to ask - just try to imagine such a situation and its consequences.

Help the hall or call a friend

If you have a trusting relationship with parents share your problem with them. They will surely tell you how best to proceed, and express their opinion “from the height of the past years” about both candidates for your heart.

can talk and with friends but only if you trust them 100 percent.

And the decision, of course, is still up to you.

Making a list...

How are they similar to each other?
What are their differences?
What exactly do you feel for each (describe each feeling)?
What qualities do you like in them?
What qualities do you absolutely dislike?
Which one do you have more in common with?
Which one of them would you most like to wait for after work with a delicious dinner?
Which of them would you like to introduce to your parents and relatives? And how can parents perceive each?

Throwing a coin...

Let one be tails and the other heads. After tossing a coin, follow your thoughts - who exactly do you want to see on your palm?

Let's not rush...

Don't try to find a solution immediately. Give yourself (and them) some time. Take a break from both for at least a week - which one will you miss more? Just don't drag out this selection process for too long.

And if your relationship has not yet crossed that very border of intimacy, do not cross it. Make a choice before you realize that one of them has been cheated on.

The choice between the two guys is made - what's next?

If the decision is really made, it's time to part with one of them. No need to leave it "in reserve" - tear immediately. After all, if she both wants to live with you until old age, then torturing both of you is simply unforgivable. Let go of the one you care less about.
You do not need to tell him when parting that you have a “different”. Do it as gently as possible. It is unlikely that he will be delighted with your confessions, but it is in your power to soften the blow. Try to make friends.
The feeling of emptiness from the loss of that second one is normal. It will pass. Relax and don't beat yourself up.
Thoughts like “what if I made a mistake?” also to the side. Build your relationships and enjoy life. Never regret anything. Life itself will put everything in its place.
Accept that some of you three will get hurt. It won't work otherwise.
If your conscience is tearing you apart from the inside, and the solution just doesn’t come, and they, among other things, are also best friends, then break up with both. This way you will provide yourself with a very solid "time out" to sort out feelings, and will not become a wedge in their friendship.

In general, listen to your heart! It doesn't lie.

Have you ever had to make such a difficult decision, and what can you advise girls who are faced with a choice?

Hello dear readers! If you are reading this article not out of idle curiosity, you will not be envied. Now there is a very difficult task. All further life and not only yours depends on just one decision. There are going to be many hardships in the near future. And yet you are a great fellow. You want to fix everything.

How many people live in two families and believe that this is better for everyone. Nonsense. A person always feels changes, and they certainly are. The other half has long known about treason and suffers inside, but does not dare to put an end to it. As a result, a constant feeling of pain, depression, broken self-esteem.

Now you prevent yourself and others from being truly happy, you live in a constant state of stress. In this article, we will talk about how to choose between two girls. I will try my best to help you a little.

The right decision has been made

I'll have to start with the bad news. I'm sure you want to do the right thing, do the best for everyone. You take into account not only your desires and needs, but also none of the ladies. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to find the right solution. They don't exist in life.

Each of the proposed options will be true in some ways, but wrong in some ways. impossible. How your fate will turn and even more so no one knows the other person.

Even if one of your women is pregnant and you are afraid to leave her with a small child, it is possible that by doing this you will do the right thing. She will quickly find a worthy replacement and this family will be much happier. It is likely that the girl, who always seemed strong, will go through a gap for a single year and do a lot of stupid things until the wounds heal.

You have already made the best and right decision, namely, you wanted to stop torturing other people. Each of us deserves to belong to and possess one single person. If you love both, then you simply must allow each of them to realize the dream of a real family. As long as you prevent it.

Also, let's put morality aside for a moment. Surely you have already begun to compost your brains. One torments or desire to please, the second hints that it is time to decide. Even if this is not happening now, in 2 months the situation will change.

Difficult choice

How can a man make the right choice? The first thing that comes to mind is to start comparing. This is so stupid! You further humiliate your women. In addition, the information will not be accurate. One you already know very well from all sides, the second is something unknown.

The girl who appeared second, while presenting to your attention only the best, having lived with her for several months, she can still begin to scatter her socks, she will even excite her not so often. Passion will pass.

Basically, you are choosing between your old life and the unknown. You are not moving away from a woman, but from the usual way of life. They say that between the two you always need to choose the second, they say, if everything was fine, then this would not have happened. I don't quite agree with this statement.

Some young men treat sex with strangers as an adventure and then become overly addicted. There is no family, a serious relationship also did not work out, the guy did not calm down. He, like Columbus, is drawn to conquer. It is possible that until the end of the woman who is next to him.

No matter how trite it may sound

You already know who you will be with. Of the two options, you have already chosen a long time ago and do not try to deceive yourself. You are definitely more to one of the ladies than to the other. You are just subconsciously trying to “fit” your decision to the concept of “correctness”. You delay because you are afraid of what will happen next.

Your brain protects its owner from a long, tedious and difficult process. First, a serious conversation, then calls and persuasion, a complete change in the usual way of life, loss. Breaking up is always difficult. However, you yourself want this, otherwise, you would not have read my article almost to the end.

In conclusion, I would like to recommend you a book in which you can find a lot of "confirmation" of your thoughts. Thanks to her, you can be energized and survive the difficult period that lies ahead of you. It's called " Chicken broth for the soul. 101 love stories". It contains the best motivational stories that will boost your confidence.

Question to the psychologist:

Met with a young man, my age of 1.5 years. In the beginning everything was great, travel, care. He has a great friendly family. I, on the other hand, have a broken family. My father left the family when I was 14, with fights, swearing. And I always wanted a warm atmosphere at home, family dinners, a cozy home.

Parents gave us an apartment, we settled down, and then computer games appeared in his life. For six months I tried to fish him out of there, threatened to leave if he didn’t remove him, all to no avail. These six months I just didn’t feel like a woman, because all the time they exchanged me for games and tanks. I went everywhere alone. Walk, go to the gym, go to the theatre. We fought, once, when I was lying after a concussion, he grabbed my hair and beat my head on the floor.

In the spring, another appeared in my life. Handsome, tall, smart, gallant. We were friends, we talked a lot. The young man did not notice this - he played games, and I began to fall in love, I was drawn to him as a strong man, with him I again felt attractive and desirable. In strong contrast, when you communicate with a smart man, and then you come home and an aggressive gamer meets you at home.

Relations at home were heating up, and I decided it was time to leave. For a long time he would not let me go, tied me up, dragged me back by force, threatened me with suicide.

I wanted to go to another man, and then I am taken aback: he is 27 years old, but as it turned out, he rents a bed and we have nowhere to live. He gave the impression of a successful person, I knew that he was a businessman, and I would never have thought that such a person had not earned either an apartment or a car before the age of 27. And he spent all the money on candy wrappers: restaurants and telephones. With horror in my eyes, I moved into his room and realized with horror that he was lazy, he could lie in bed all day and do nothing, and on his computer he had correspondence with another girl. And it hurt me that he finds time to correspond with her, but there is no improvement in our conditions. And I ran away. meanwhile, the first one found out that I was with someone else and began to change, threw away the games, found a hobby, opened his own business, and we got back together. The second wrote, called, that he would fix everything, I again fell for it, I was madly drawn to him, at some animal level.

I left again and was left alone. And they just tear me to pieces with constant calls, messages, promises, arrivals with flowers and gifts. Both proposed to me.

On the one hand, he is cozy, caring, with homeliness, the desire to have children (but lack of passion), on the other, passionate, interesting, smart.

I see how both are changing and getting better. But I find it hard to believe that the first one will never blackmail me with suicide. And the second will be a great family man.

The psychologist Yagudina Olga Petrovna answers the question.

Yesenia, good afternoon!

I'm afraid you won't like my answer... None of these men will make you happy, really warm, joyful. Because you look at both as subjects who must satisfy your needs for money, care, acceptance. You don't accept them for who they are, but that's the way it is with men, they don't change! A man in order to marry must already take place as a man and in the eyes of his woman already be one. Only on a wave of admiration and support will a man rise in status, never because of demands and threats. If you're already in doubt, don't risk it. It is better for you to solve your own psychological problems - such as creating a co-dependent relationship. Your father was an alcoholic, a gamer guy, the second one seems to be independent, but you don’t like it either. Why do you choose these? What is more attractive in them than in those who have already taken place? The fact that he knows how to care, gallant and courteous, only says that he is gallant and courteous, but what will he be like in a family? Can you see the true values of a family man? How does he see your life together? How many children do you want? How will they be educated, what will they be taught? How does he manage to get out of difficult situations? How does he resolve conflicts, does he know how to give in? Look in this direction, at human qualities, those that are important to you, you can earn money, but you cannot buy good relationships in the family.

Take your time, grow up yourself and find a worthy, suitable for yourself. Do you know yourself? Your interests, what is important to you and what is not, what will you share with your loved ones? What can you endure? What will you get excited about?

A huge number of women do not suffer from loneliness, but, on the contrary, do not know who to choose from the many admirers. If through reflection it was possible to single out two leaders, then it remains only to conduct a “duel” to determine the winner.

How to choose between two men?

Many ladies are quite normal about the fact that several men are caring for them at once. In most cases, the argument is this - one partner is not able to provide everything necessary for a happy life, and this applies to both the moral and material aspects.

Even if such a situation is beneficial at a certain stage of life, then in a few years, when you want to start a family, you will have to make a choice. To make it more clear, consider two popular scenarios for the appearance of two contenders for the heart on the horizon.

The return of a former lover

A fairly common situation is when a woman, after parting, began a new relationship, and then suddenly a former lover knocks on the door again. In this case, a huge number of questions and doubts arise about who to choose: a man with whom many events and feelings are associated, or a new lover, with whom the story is just beginning and everything is fine and promising. Note that if such a situation arose, it means that we can definitely say that the point in past relationships has not been set and feelings have not cooled down.

To understand for yourself who you need to choose, you should give yourself answers to some questions:

Because of what the separation happened and what did not suit the former partner. It is important to understand if nothing has changed and a similar situation will happen again, whether you can come to terms with it;
Is there a fear of opening up to a new person and building a new strong alliance? Keep in mind that often women are able to idealize past relationships, but if you try to remember everything like that, then not everything was as beautiful as it seems;
Make a list of the positive and negative qualities of both partners, but do it as truthfully as possible. Or write a list of characteristics that an ideal man should have and compare each partner according to it.

Thanks to such work, a woman will be able to understand from whom to receive love and with whom it is better to build a truly sincere relationship. Remember, there is no 100% guarantee that exactly the chosen man will make you happy, because relationships are the work of two people and no one knows what might happen tomorrow. Psychologists do not recommend procrastinating and postponing a decision for the future, because this will only aggravate the situation and in the end you can lose both, left with nothing.

Two new acquaintances

When figuring out how to choose if I love two different men, it is worth understanding another popular situation when a woman is being courted at the same time by two members of the stronger sex with whom there is no history in the past. In such situations, most often the fans are the absolute opposite of each other, for example, one is romantic, and the other is brutal. Start by analyzing the actions and actions that men perform, not only in relation to you, but also to other people.

Here, as never before, the well-known proverb fits - "Tell me who your friend is and I'll tell you who you are". Then you should think about what kind of relationship you want in general. For example, with a "bad guy", most likely, you will not be able to spend the evening watching a movie or watching the sunset. Relationships in such a pair are more like a volcano that regularly explodes. If a woman is not ready for such a union in the future, then it is not worth starting a relationship, since such males do not change.

It will be possible to choose a worthy man only after you manage to understand yourself. It is necessary to think about what exactly attracts in each partner, since many ladies often wind themselves up that they like some kind of man.

Thanks to a simple analysis, it will be possible to draw conclusions that will help the right choice. Psychologists say that sometimes it’s enough to talk frankly with a man, to say what is missing in a relationship, and then the choice will not need to be made.

When a woman faces a difficult choice, you can turn to the advice given by professional psychologists. They will help you analyze the situation and make a decision.

Imagine the future with each of the partners. Think about what kind of man will be a husband and father. Can you count on a happy future;
Get to know friends and relatives of contenders for your heart. The environment will help to better understand how a person behaves in different situations;
Sometimes, to decide who I love, it's enough just to trust your intuition. Just try to feel who exactly your soulmate is;
Sometimes, in order to understand with whom it is worth staying, you need to be alone. You can go on a trip and after that make a choice. Moving away from everyone, you can understand who is really needed.

By the way, I would like to recall the old wisdom that says that if you don’t know who to choose from two lovers, then stop at the second one. This is explained by the fact that if a woman loves the first man, but will never pay attention to another.