Husband got a mistress at work advice of a psychologist. You also have a choice when the unpleasant truth has surfaced. Does a man leave the family for his mistress: how often, in what cases
It is difficult for a husband to remain single for many years. Of course, there is a certain category of men who are not attracted to cheating. The rest are subject to two laws. First - if he grew up in a family where dad "walked", then you can not count on marital fidelity from your husband. The second - the more achievements a man has, the faster he will run "to the left." But still, what can be done if the husband has a mistress?
Most men appreciate the comfort of home and the warmth of a reliable home front more than a short-term, but burning passion. Your duty is not to turn this rear into ruins. I want to run without looking back only from where the earth is scorched.
According to psychologists, men are looking for a mistress that they once married. It's not only about appearance, but also about character traits, internal content, which you have changed over the years.
Where to begin
Understand what connects you besides sex and whether you are ready to sacrifice this for the sake of moral peace. If you cannot break off relations (there is no material base, mental strength), then it is worth fighting for marriage. First of all, stop discussing his betrayal and strictly adhere to a certain pattern of behavior.
Time frame
An affair on the side of a man lasts an average of 7 months (not necessarily with one woman). In an undeclared war, do you want to be the winner? You need to hold out for one and a half to two years. The main thing is not to let someone else take your place. Usually things get better with time. Important theses of this period that you should inspire yourself: you are a beautiful woman and you can like it, it is not your fault that your husband is cheating, you are worthy of an honest relationship and love. But do not risk cheating - this is a reason to leave!
Chill out
Understand a simple truth: the appearance of a mistress has nothing to do with you. It did not appear because you are “stupid”, “unkempt” and “terrible”. Even the most virtuous and beautiful wives have rivals.
Cry "on the side" - you can go to a friend for a while, but without things - and proceed to action. No tantrums and putting him out the door! This is stupid.
Comfort
A rare man will exchange comfort for sex, and you should enjoy it. It is necessary to cook tastier, put things in order and beauty, start meeting friends, take care of yourself. Do not stoop to checking your husband on the phone and monitoring his mail. Try to shield yourself from negative emotions. If the husband’s relationship with his mistress began recently, then at home he will behave terribly. Do not be offended, but listen patiently and as much as possible. All your "newly minted flaws" imply the virtues that a mistress has. This experience can be adopted. Your husband will be surprised when he finds new sides in you.
Say Say
He can tell you about your rival. Listen from the position of a "caring mother" and memorize carefully. Ask yourself: what is it about her that I don't have? Most likely, it will turn out: you lack the qualities of a “mistress” and a “girl”. "Lover" - unpredictable and passionate. A "girl" always admires a man and never criticizes.
common property
A man with whom you have any common interests rarely leaves forever. Involve him in a series of family affairs. Involve the people he needs in your general social circle. Put your husband at the center of all events, let him know that he is loved and needed.
Many psychologists say that men have a mistress, because in her they see the one they once married. What should you do if your husband has a mistress?
First of all, you need to understand what, besides sex, connects you with your husband. If you love him and you are not ready to dissolve the marriage, then fight for your family and, first of all, stop constantly discussing his betrayal in every possible way.
Basically, such novels in men last from 9 months. If you want to win, then you will have to wait out the most difficult moments, which will last a year or two. Then, everything can work out, the main thing is that the opponent does not take your rightful place. And most importantly, you must remember and repeat to yourself that you are the most beautiful woman who deserves love and respect.
You should also let off steam. But not through tantrums and putting his things out the door, such an act would be stupid and will not lead to anything good. It is better to leave for a short time on a visit or to another city.
It is worth considering that men will not exchange their comfort for sex, no matter how passionate it is. Therefore, this situation should be taken advantage of. Namely, take care of yourself, start cooking more refined and delicious dishes, put things in order and beauty in the house and start meeting your girlfriends.
Next, don't stoop to check his mail or phone calls, and try to shield yourself from all negative feelings. If your spouse has taken a mistress recently, then his behavior in the house will become simply terrible. He will constantly look for something to complain about and criticize you in your appearance, work or behavior. Of course, it is very difficult to resist, but you need to try.
It is highly likely that your so-called shortcomings are the virtues of your opponent. Therefore, listen carefully and accept all comments. I think it won’t be superfluous for you to change something in yourself, but your opponent will be completely defeated.
Another main point worth considering is that mistresses never have a headache, so you should always have sex.
Also, it is worth noting that husbands rarely leave the family, so try to involve him more and more in family affairs. Here everyone can help you: both relatives and friends. Make sure that your husband is the center of attention and understands how much he is loved and appreciated.
In such a situation, your rival will feel something is wrong and will start making scandals. And this is absolutely not necessary for your man, and most likely he will break off all relations with her.
But still, there are situations when it’s really bad, the signs of this are: if your husband has one mistress, and the relationship has been going on for a long time, if you can’t have children, but your rival is ready to give birth to a child for him, your feelings have cooled, yes and there was no particularly close relationship between you, you are older than him, have a tough character, and also higher than him in status and material support.
In general, if a husband has taken a mistress ... he is dear to him there, then you deserve the best.
The article gives advice to wives whose husbands have a serious love affair on the side.
In this case, the rival begins to really threaten family well-being. A smart wife will never allow her rightful property to be taken from her. For this, there is a special psychological strategy that any woman can use. Men's psychology is more predictable than women's. If a woman appears in the life of a married man, to whom he begins to feel sexual attraction, then the matter will most likely end in a love affair. That is, the husband will have a mistress, and the wife will fall into the category of deceived. The status is rather unpleasant, and for many women it is generally unacceptable. What should a deceived wife do in such a situation?
Psychologists advise to be as calm as possible when a husband has a mistress. This is not a terrible punishment for some mythical sins. If you look around, you can easily see that there are a lot of deceived wives. They just have the sense not to shout about it at every corner. Yes, and you are far from ideal. If you never cheated on your husband, then such thoughts sometimes crossed your mind.
Men treat extramarital affairs more lightly than women. Such is their nature, and there is nothing to be done about it. Therefore, show indulgence to human weaknesses. This will testify to your wisdom and maturity. Do not prioritize the goal of cruelly and mercilessly punishing the traitor. Remember that the most important thing is to save your marriage. Yes, and think about the rival, why should she give her legitimate good. Wouldn't that be the height of stupidity.
So what, endure a mistress and pretend that nothing happened? It all depends on the nature of the man and the specific situation. It must be said right away that there are two types of husbands. Some are regularly addicted to women, but have episodic and frivolous relationships. Others, on the contrary, are prone to rare but serious relationships.
For the first type, you don’t need to spend any mental effort at all. There are two options here: to leave or to reconcile, since only the grave will correct the humpbacked one. You can continue to live with such a husband, turning a blind eye to his pranks. Appreciate not loyalty, but caring. Men of this type are very good fathers and know how to earn money. Remember that a woman appreciates in a man not virtues, but shortcomings that she can put up with.
As for the second type, everything is much more serious here. These are, as a rule, positive people, quiet and silent. So they are predisposed to actions that can destroy the established family comfort. The mistress of such a man is not a girl for an hour, but a very real dangerous rival from blood and flesh. Therefore, you need to gather your will into a fist, concentrate and not despair. You should use all the possibilities of your dodgy and cunning female mind, since the threat is quite real, and the danger breathes down the back of the head.
Nonsensical tantrums and scandals are unacceptable. They will only aggravate the situation, the logical conclusion of which may be a break in family relations. And who will benefit from this? Naturally a rival who rolled her lip on your property. No, you need to act differently. A smart commander always wins not by numbers, but by skill. Therefore, no scandals, and even more violent scenes with reproaches and breaking dishes.
Change does not occur in a vacuum. Therefore, one should forget about the claims and take a mental look at the past years of family life. It is possible that you deprived your husband of attention, caresses at night, tenderness, care or a delicious dinner. Everything that was not given to him at home, the betrothed found from his mistress. But that doesn't mean you're worse. You are several orders of magnitude better, which is what you need to prove to your husband. But you should not stick out your dignity in front of your loved one, but imperceptibly and persistently convince him that his mistress is not as good as it seems.
In this subtle psychological game, the opponent must herself fully demonstrate negative character traits and show the true unsightly face of a quarrelsome lady, living together with whom is simply unthinkable. Therefore, do not pretend that you know about the despicable rival. Your family relationships should not worsen, but improve.
The mistress should be made clear that your life with your husband is much more prosperous than she initially imagined. Persuade your loved one to spend an evening with you in a restaurant, go to the theater with him, take the whole family to nature. Make sure your opponent is aware of all these activities.
Wear your favorite perfume and kiss your husband as often as possible before he leaves. Perfume his suit lightly, leave a barely noticeable trace of lipstick on his shirt. Let the opponent get excited and start to be jealous of you. Every day you become softer, more flexible and more tender. Do it gradually so that it is not conspicuous.
Do your best to keep your husband at home as long as possible if he, in your opinion, is going to a love meeting with a rival. Cook his favorite dish, turn on an interesting TV show. Let him justify himself for being late to his mistress. Men, by the way, can't stand it.
Many women will find such advice unacceptable to themselves. But here the main thing is to understand the strategy itself, and every deceived wife must choose tactics herself. You must always remember that in the fight for a man, it is the woman who is more annoyed and angry that loses. Attract your husband with your attitude, spiritual generosity. As for appearance, you should not change your hairstyle, put on makeup, buy new dresses.
A husband who is carried away by his mistress will not notice changes in your appearance and will not appreciate them. Walk around in an old bathrobe and slippers and relentlessly conduct well-camouflaged attacks on a complacent opponent. Soon the complacency will begin to disappear, thanks to the tireless labors of your sophisticated mind.
When you feel that the position of your mistress has been significantly shaken, buy a new dress, put on makeup, turn into a butterfly from a chrysalis. It is best to time it with the reception of guests. Friends will be pleasantly surprised by your positive changes in appearance. They will begin to compliment, and the husband, of course, will not be able to ignore it indifferently. The man is essentially the owner. He will never want to lose something that causes sincere admiration from others.
So, dear deceived wives, you and the cards in your hands. With a competent formulation of the case, the rivals will not succeed. And then only what they wanted, to take the husbands of strangers into their hands. Who will let them. As long as there are smart wives in the world who care about their prosperity and well-being, nothing shines for other women. They had to take care of their marriage and think about whom to marry. They wanted something ready. It won't work, ladies, it won't work. There are no miracles in the world.
The article tells about what to do if the husband has a mistress, how to behave, what to change in yourself, and also about how to take your husband away from his mistress in order to save the family in the future.
Change in the family is always insulting and unpleasant. In this situation, you can either fight to save the family, or leave the betrayer of the relationship. In any case, the wife must soberly assess the situation and decide what to do next.
It happens that husbands begin to cheat on their wives. This can happen for various reasons, in which the spouse herself may be partially to blame. Many women, having learned about their husband's infidelities, immediately file for divorce, others try to save the family, especially if they have children. The fact that divorce and betrayal of parents is a huge stress for children, psychologists have been saying for a long time. But at the same time, if a woman does not have feelings for her husband after his betrayal, then she has every right to leave him.
If there is a firm decision to save the family, you need to think about how to take your husband away from his mistress. A wise woman, unless of course she caught her lovers in a direct way, will not make scandals and tantrums, especially if she decided to save the relationship. Her knowledge, and her husband's ignorance of it, will become a major trump card in the hands of the wife. First, she must analyze past family relationships and find out the reason for her husband's behavior. Next, you need to learn as much as possible about the person of the mistress, at least to see her.
Most often, the mistress wins with her cute appearance, grooming and sexuality. If a spouse needed such a girl purely because of the satisfaction of carnal lusts, getting rid of her would not be so difficult. It is much worse if the mistress has, in addition to intimate, trusting and friendly relations with a strange man.
It can be concluded that in the first case, the husband lacked the beauty and passion of his wife. In the second, it turns out that the man suffered from a lack of understanding.
In any case, a woman needs to do everything to be a better mistress. In addition, the wife has some advantage, because in principle she sees her husband more often, the spouses are also united by children, common issues of family life.
From the moment when a woman firmly decided to maintain family relationships, she should change a little, reconsider her behavior and views. No scandals, reproaches and demands. Let everything be calm for a while. So that the husband does not suspect anything, and the wife at that time keeps everything under control.
One of the most important things is to take care of your image. A woman needs to look in the mirror and appreciate how attractive she is, how stylish her clothes and hairstyle are, how well-groomed her skin is. If all this is lame, you need to urgently correct the situation! It is best to contact a stylist or at least read their recommendations regarding the choice of clothes, makeup, hairstyles, etc.
If the husband has a mistress, you need to try to protect him from her. To do this, a woman can ask her husband to spend the evening in the family circle, go on a visit or to nature. It is very good to go to the depths of nature with a family of friends, cook food, play team games. That is, to do everything so that the husband and wife are on the same side, so that they understand that they are one and complement each other.
The actions of the mistress, on the contrary, need to be put in a bad light. But not directly, but with cunning, by example, talking about some family in which the husband cheated, and his mistress used him, as well as other insidious acts of such women.
These actions will still give their result. Soon the mistress will begin to be jealous, and it will be possible to continue to play on her punctures. Over time, the husband will realize that his mistress is not only no better than his wife, but much worse, and then he will return to the family forever.
A slightly different scenario should be taken by a woman who caught her husband cheating. Neither scandal, nor hung around his neck and beg to refuse betrayals, for sure. Let communication become democratic and independent. A woman addresses only on necessary issues, at the same time she does not oppose her husband, she treats children affectionately.
Let the wife have some of her own interests, hobbies. Perhaps the husband took a mistress, because he was used to the fact that his wife was always at home, always waiting for him, and he was tired of it, he wanted variety. And if one day he comes and sees that his wife is not at home, it will surely hurt him.
It is very important that the husband sees the dignity of his wife in solving some problems, tasks. I saw that she was smart, kind and positive. It's great if someone praises a woman in front of her husband or compliments her. You can also make your husband a little jealous. If the wife acts wisely, victory will always be on her side.
Every woman should try to prevent infidelity. To do this, you should take care of yourself, pay enough attention to your husband, be a mystery and inspiration for him, a passionate lover and a true friend.
Being the only one for a husband for many years is difficult. There is, of course, a small category of men who are not attracted to infidelity. The rest are subject to two laws. First, the more a man has achieved in life, the faster he will run “to the left”. Secondly, if he grew up in a family where his father "walked", you can practically not count on the husband's fidelity. But all the same, what to do if the husband has a mistress? This will be discussed below.
The vast majority of husbands, above all, appreciate the warmth of a reliable home front and home comfort more than a burning, but short-term passion. Your task is not to turn this rear into ruins. Only from where the earth is scorched, you want to run without looking back.
Psychologists say: a man is looking for a mistress that he once married. It's not so much about the external "type", but about the internal content, character traits that you have changed over the years, and he considered them ideal.
WHERE TO BEGIN
Determine what binds you besides sex and whether you are ready to sacrifice this for the sake of moral peace. If you do not consider it possible to break off relations, there is no material base, mental strength (you still love him) or self-confidence (that you will find another husband), if the children are friends with their father and love him, you need to fight for marriage. First of all, stop discussing his betrayal and act according to a proven pattern.
TIME FRAME
Romances on the side last for men on average from 8 months (in general, not necessarily with one woman). Do you want to emerge victorious in an undeclared war? You must last a year and a half or two. The main thing is to prevent another from taking your rightful place during this time. Over time, things usually get better. The main theses of this period, which you must inspire yourself: you are a beautiful woman and you may well like it, you are not to blame for your husband's betrayal, you are worthy of love and honest relationships. But change do not risk it is a reason to leave!
CHILL OUT
Realize a simple truth: the appearance of another woman has nothing to do with you. It didn't come about because you're "scary," "unkempt," or "stupid." The most beautiful and virtuous wives also have rivals.
What should I do if my husband has a mistress friends? This happens when friends inadvertently (or even on purpose) take their husbands "to the left." If there is an opportunity to exclude them from the social circle, do it. If not, follow their next steps.
Sob "on the side" you can go to a friend for a while, but without things and start acting. No exposing him out the door and tantrums! It's stupid and doesn't lead to anything good.
Men rarely exchange sex for comfort, and this should be used. It is necessary to strengthen the house: cook tastier, bring beauty and order, take care of yourself, start meeting friends. In no case do not stoop to monitoring your husband by phone and checking his mail. Try to protect yourself from negative feelings. If the relationship with the husband’s mistress has recently begun, at home he will most likely just behave like a nightmare. He will criticize everything in a row: your appearance, personality, work. Gather your will into a fist and do not be offended, but listen as much as possible. And wind on your mustache. All your "new flaws" imply the virtues that your opponent has. Such an experience is not a sin to adopt. It will not decrease from you, and the husband will be surprised, having found in you new sides that are pleasant for him.
SAY SAY
He can tell you about a rival. We listen to the story in the position of a “caring mother and remember it well. The main thing is not to flare up. It is important to understand: what does she have that I do not have? Most likely, it will turn out: we lack the qualities of a “girl” and a “lover”. A "girl" accepts a man for who he is, always admires and never criticizes. The "mistress" is passionate and unpredictable. She never has a headache! The most important thing during all these periods is not to deny your husband sex. Sex should always be.
COMMON PROPERTY
A husband with whom you share common interests rarely leaves forever. Start involving him in a string of family affairs. Attract relatives and just pleasant and necessary people to your general social circle. Put your husband at the epicenter of all processes, let him know that he is needed and loved. The "opposite side", sensing something was wrong, will slowly begin to roll up scandals and freak out. Your job is to get her to start first. You must forgive your husband for the offense, otherwise nothing will work! Meditation and a sense of self-sufficiency will help. Try!
IT'S BAD IF...
1. The mistress is constant and the relationship is long.
2. You can't have children and your rival is fertile.
Z. You have never been real friends, just lovers whose feelings have cooled.
4. You are higher than him in status, material support, older, stronger, tougher.
5. He has such a status that he is “required” to have a mistress, and the husband got a mistress on the principle of “it is necessary”.