How do you know if you love a person or is it just attachment? How to understand if a person loves you. How to know if you are loved

02.07.2019

This article will focus on a very delicate and difficult topic: how to understand if a person you really like loves you? This issue worries a huge number of people, both women and men. Let's figure out together, by what signs you can define true love.

Why is he always around

Let's say you work with the person you are interested in in the same organization, or study together, or are housemates ... There can be a lot of such "if" options. How to understand whether a person loves you - your work colleague, college classmate, etc.? Did you not pay attention to the fact that he is constantly somewhere nearby?

If you always bump into him or her nose to nose, wherever you go, this is a reason to think about whether a person is deliberately adjusting these spontaneous (at first glance) episodes. Yes, people in love strive to be as close as possible to the object of their desire and try to be always there. If you yourself are forced to constantly provoke face-to-face collisions, then this may mean a high degree of your interest, but not a person you like.

Attentions and cute little things

How do you know if a person really loves you? Take a closer look - how attentive he is to you. When you love someone, you try to be aware of their interests, some significant dates. If you were not even congratulated on your birthday, then this is a disappointing sign, and you need to muster up the courage to admit this fact.

People in love do not miss the opportunity to give a gift to someone to whom they have tender feelings, and even if it is just a cute little trinket, the fact itself is important. The object of love is always greeted with a smile, complimented, asked questions, etc. etc. And even constant banter and banter are also signs of attention - keep this in mind.

Eyes can tell a lot

How to understand whether a person loves by looking into his eyes? They are said to be the mirror of the soul. And you try to do this, and, perhaps, the question will disappear by itself. It is very useful sometimes to refer to classical literature. Here, for example, the novel "Anna Karenina" - how did Kitty realize at the ball that Vronsky was absolutely indifferent to her and passionately in love with Anna? In his eyes! The girl looked at Alexei with love in the face, and his reciprocal look struck the unfortunate woman with absolute indifference and coldness. And at the same time, when the young man looked at Karenina, his eyes flashed with fire and open love.

Sign language

How do you know if you are loved by deciphering sign language?

If a man is interested in a woman, then he can behave as follows (according to psychologists):

aligns posture, tightens the stomach;
trying to catch your eye, while his eyes are wide open and express interest, eyebrows are raised;
trying to attract your attention, a man can correct his hair or tie and even shake off non-existent dust particles from his shoulders;
when talking, he tries to touch you with his hand, walking next to you puts his hand on your back or shoulder;
if, when looking at you, a guy's pupils dilate and his mouth opens slightly, this indicates a clear sexual interest, etc.

In general, body language is a very individual subject. After all, men are very shy, and then, when a beloved woman appears, they, contrary to the above, will shyly look away, blush and behave very unnaturally.

Well, as for the ladies, here is a small list of characteristic gestures that can betray their love:

Constantly unconsciously straighten their hair.
Demonstrate sexuality with lip tint.
They laugh and talk loudly, trying to attract attention to themselves.
They try not to sit and not stand half-turned to the object of love, but turn to face him, etc.

The phone is silent or does not stop?

Well, how to understand whether a person loves you if you exchanged phone numbers, but for some reason he does not call, citing strong employment and other reasons. Oh, rest assured - the lover will always find time both to chat on the phone with the one he loves, and to send a cute comic SMS. Even with a very heavy workload, even during an illness or natural disaster, he will try to be in touch. If the initiative constantly comes only from your side, then you can stop dialing your favorite number and see what will happen next ... It is possible that your object will understand how he misses you and come to his senses.

What if you just pick up and ask

If you've read a bunch of articles on how to find out if you are loved; received a lot of advice from friends on this issue, but could not figure out the feelings of the one with whom they themselves were head over heels in love, then perhaps the time has come to act more decisively. Indeed, how much one can suffer from the unknown! But what if you take and ask the object of your love and passion about his true feelings?

Of course, you will have to choose some appropriate moment. It can be a friendly party or a corporate party. Everyone is in a good mood, everyone is relaxed, and so are you. In addition, at such events, there are usually dances ... Once in a pair, slowly moving to sensual music, you can hint a person about your feelings and try to find out about his sympathies.

If he loves, he will be glad to open his heart, if not, then, most likely, he will begin to laugh it off. Well, then you will have no choice but to pretend that you were joking, and let it be worse for him, he missed such a chance!

Do you love yourself?

People often ask the question: "How do you know if you love a person or not?" And at the same time they cannot understand their own passions. Sometimes for a serious feeling, love that arose out of nowhere and which after a while will scatter without a trace, if you do not focus on it, is taken as a serious feeling.

In order not to suffer in vain and not float in false illusions, you need to engage in introspection in time. How do you know if you love? First you need to ask yourself, what, in fact, is your interest based on: on some qualities of the object or just on external data? Or maybe your interest is fueled by his wild popularity among others? But on this score there is an old saying that not everything that glitters is gold.

Observe the person from the side. Surely he has some flaws ... But if, in spite of everything, your attention is focused on only his merits, then this serves as a certain sign. Oh, those pink love glasses!

Conclusion

In parting, let's say that it is important not just to read the tips that answer the question of how to understand whether a person loves you, but to take the information into service. But it often happens that, despite all the signs of complete indifference on the part of a person, the interested person continues to maniacally seek out the slightest glimpses of interest in herself. Maybe it's time to pay attention to another object that is really in love with you? We wish you a meeting with true mutual love. Be happy!

How do you know that a man really loves you? The opinion of a psychologist on this topic cannot be unambiguous, because all people are different and show their feelings in their own way.

Each has its own special characteristics, as well as the circumstances under which the interpretation of certain behavioral changes can be truly twofold. On the other hand, there are certain nuances that answer the common female question "or not?"

In contact with

The opinion of psychologists regarding certain emotional states cannot be unambiguous. No self-respecting psychologist would dare to equate everyone with the same size. Psychologists do not consider love to be trivial chemistry or procreation instinct. They agree that love as such is dictated by both internal impulses and social nuances, but it is still based on something instinctive. To put it bluntly, a man loves, and society dictates how to love.

The society, psychologists believe, imposes certain stereotypes of behavior on men. This also applies to manifestations of love. Suppose a man is supposedly supposed to always be the initiator of a relationship. And there is also an opinion that he must certainly give flowers to the girl if he loves her. And give some stupid toys, again, if he loves.

Psychologists are of the opinion that this pattern is followed by the majority, even if it is against their nature. This is the original problem of understanding male feelings. If socially acceptable people dislike him, but he forces himself to follow them, it often looks ridiculous and insincere. Bottom line: the man is misunderstood, and the woman strenuously asks her friends and psychologists for advice on the strange behavior of a young man.

How do men love?

Differently. Therefore, it is impossible to say unequivocally about how to understand what a man really loves.

A woman, unfortunately, is quite often interested in some kind of amorphous external manifestations, which usually turn out to be artificial.

Sweets, flowers, compliments and invitations to a restaurant are not signs that a man loves you, this is just the most banal and hackneyed type of courtship.

How to understand if a man loves you without knowing his individual characteristics? Psychologists are sure that something really special is happening inside everyone.

There are men who love loud. They cannot and do not consider it necessary to keep their feelings inside, therefore they begin to do really amazing things. If they love, they talk a lot and do a lot, for example, they can order car seat covers for a car with your name. As a rule, these are extroverts.
Some men love in silence. They keep feeling somewhere within themselves, it inspires them. They do not need to notify everyone in a row about what they love, they just need to feel it. They will always be able to really understand and listen to you, and they rarely lie when they love.

These are just examples, separate opinions. Someone jumps around and is in a euphoric state, while someone quietly radiates warmth from within. If you yourself really know a man, you have a better chance of realizing that he still loves you than outside psychologists.

How to understand that this is really love for real?

If you wish, you can find thousands of instructions and opinions of psychologists on how to understand that a man loves you. Do they really work? Psychologists distinguish three categories of interaction between a man and a woman, according to which one can try to understand whether he loves.

Deeds

Psychologists are sure that this is really the most important point, and not chatter and facial expressions. It's logical.

How to understand that a man loves you and he needs you, if not by what he is doing in relation to you. What matters is what he does, not what he says and how.

To understand that a man really loves, according to psychologists, the following habits will help:

he keeps his word;
he helps when there is a need for it;
he is not trying to restrict you;
he really tries to understand you;
he supports your endeavors and contributes to your further development as a person.

Non-verbal signs

Body language will not answer the question of how to tell if your husband loves you or not. He can roughly make it clear about interest in you or about the desire to fence off. Or indifference. But these signs will not give you the opportunity to really understand what a man has in his soul.

The following signs can really speak of his sympathy:

dilated pupils;
observing you in some general interaction with society (for example, when someone is joking, he subconsciously looks at your reaction);
sincere smile (with "smiling" eyes - "crow's feet" appear);
hands in the belt area (pockets, belt) - in this case, you can really talk about a specific sexual interest;
an attempt to touch (for example, hug, remove a speck).

Conversation

The conversation itself, the manner in which it is conducted and, in fact, its content, can make it clear that he loves you only indirectly. Like non-verbal signs, communication can indicate the presence of sympathy and interest in a person, rather than that someone really loves someone. that love is a serious emotional state, and not a fleeting splash in the form of butterflies in the stomach.

According to psychologists, a man respects you and is really interested in you if:

when speaking, he is sincere;
the conversation he has started is about your general themes;
a man is not trying to negate a conversation that concerns you.

How to check that he needs you?

The opinion of psychologists agrees on one thing: if a person needs someone, then he cannot be called truly self-sufficient. Feeling defective due to the absence of a person nearby is a sign of dependence and inability to occupy yourself with something.

Therefore, think a hundred times over whether you really want your young man to need you. The fact that he loves you does not mean that he has an urgent need for you and cannot live without you.

On the question of how to understand that a man loves you, which usually women do not like. Why? Because this is not an accusation or analysis of someone else, but taking responsibility for yourself. How to check if a man really loves you?

No way. Surely - really nothing. Since of all the people in your environment, you are really responsible only for yourself, psychologists suggest looking at the root.

Psychologists believe that if you ask yourself this question, there are two options:

You have low self-esteem, which fuels your doubts about your own attractiveness in the eyes of your chosen one.
Somewhere inside you really understand that your actions, actions, the attitude itself, in the end, cannot contribute to love.

If we talk about self-confidence, then the opinion of psychologists is unambiguous and at the same time trite: if you start really taking care of yourself for yourself, your sense of self will change greatly. Do not do it for the sake of a man, for the sake of the same psychologist or for a page on a social network!

If your goal is to improve one or another of your facets, you will feel like a completely different person.

You will understand that there is no point in comparing yourself to others, as well as trying to be good for everyone. And questions like "How to understand if a man loves you or not?" you don't even want to type in the search bar. You won't need it. Psychologists believe that there really won't be any doubts.

The second option deserves a separate lecture from psychologists. The opinions of psychologists agree that women are often taken to extremes in relation to the stronger sex.

There is an opinion that there are two radical poles, when a woman is really convinced that she is right, but at the same time behaves extremely destructively for a relationship.

First pole:

entertainers from the category "I am a woman, which means I am a goddess";
ladies who believe that they owe everything simply because they are;
hysterics who turn any substance into a scandal.

Second pole:

ardent connoisseurs of the division of functions in life by gender;
amorphous amoebas, who hid their opinions in the deepest and ugliest chest, and now indulge others in everything (including a man);
girls who look at their man in love and really see in him the meaning of their whole life.

Psychologists believe that if you have signs of any of these groups, it's time to really change something in yourself. If you decide to create new relationships or develop old ones, everything will most likely go according to the usual scenario, where you will find yourself a misunderstood victim and remain at the bottom again.

Test

If you are wondering how to check if a man really loves you, the test will not help. Of course, you can lie that you are pregnant and watch his reaction. You can flirt with other men in front of him.

But will this reaction of his be proof that he loves? And will your behavior towards a man be really honest? If not, is it possible after that to really demand a decent attitude from him?

The opinion of psychologists is that if you are really curious to learn about his feelings, then the optimal "test" will be a human conversation, where you will find out everything for yourself. For fun, you can explore here. Perhaps she will help you with something else.

Maybe just using it?

Well, yes, it is quite possible. Globally, we all use each other. In most cases, of course, psychologists do not deny sincere altruism.

But! Agree, when someone “sacrifices himself,” does he not expect some kind of reaction from the outside? Psychologists believe that this is pure manipulation, which implies getting your own benefit.

Think: are you using it too? Psychologists advise not to lie at least to yourself. If the honest answer to yourself is yes, then don't be surprised if the use turns out to be mutual. There is an opinion that people around are really mirrors of ourselves, remember this.

If you diligently search the network for materials on how to understand whether your husband loves you or not, then:

or there really are some precedents;
or you are simply bored, because you decided to organize a problem for yourself out of the blue.

The opinion of psychologists regarding the second option is unambiguous: in this case, you must first take care of yourself and your development, and not try to look for a catch in the behavior of your man. Therefore, let's talk about the first one.

So how to understand? If you really want to understand your man, there are rough signs of his potentially mercantile behavior.

He only turns to you when he needs something.
He is not interested in your personal development, and he will demand that you sacrifice something of his own for him.
He doesn’t help you unless you ask him about it a hundred times and, in addition, don’t promise something in return.
If you have any problems that need to be really addressed, he has no time.

Useful video

The psychology of men in love and relationships is quite contradictory. On the one hand, he wants independence, and on the other, he wants home comfort and attention. The video below should help you figure it out a bit:

Conclusion

The opinions of psychologists on this topic cannot be characterized in any particular way, because everyone expresses what is inside him in his own way.
Some people recommend that you pay attention to the peculiarities of the conversation or to the body language.
But how to understand, if not by his actions? The way he behaves in relation to you speaks most eloquently about whether he loves or not.

In a relationship, partners experience a whole range of emotions: euphoria, passion, tenderness, affection, jealousy, sadness, melancholy. Distinguishing true love from attachment or sexual attraction is sometimes difficult. Love is not like being in love either. A person in love pursues his own goals, and if you really love a person, your own egoism fades into the background, and the desire to give, not take, comes first.

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How to tell if there are feelings

At the beginning of the relationship, the person knows too little about the partner. He was drawn to his beloved, because he liked him outwardly, aroused sexual attraction or interested in the mind, similar tastes. However, not every person that you liked at first sight can create a long relationship.

At the end of the "candy-bouquet" period, the stage of sobering begins. Emotions subside a little, and the mind wakes up. A girl or a guy is trying to understand whether this person with whom you can build a long-term relationship, or a short-term relationship. Hence, the inevitable questions arise: “We feel good in bed, but will he become a reliable friend and a good parent?”, “We like the same music, but will this person be interesting to me all my life?”, “Is it really love or I just don't want to be alone? "

If a person begins to ask himself such questions, this does not mean at all that there is no love. In a relationship, as in any other business, you want clarity and specificity. People who want to define their feelings save themselves the risk of making a mistake. Often, lovers do not have time to check their attitude to each other and rush to seal the union with a stamp, but after a couple of years of marriage, they realize that next is not the one they have been looking for all their lives. Most often their children suffer from such a mistake.

The following signs indicate the presence of feelings:

the desire to spend more time with your beloved than with relatives and friends;
sexual arousal from touching and hugging;
the need to share any news, events, frequent calls, correspondence;
separation discomfort;
constant thoughts about a loved one;
expressing your feelings with kisses, touches;
the need to get to know the beloved better, to study his habits.

All these signs are inherent in falling in love, but when true love arises, a number of indisputable evidence appears.

What is love and how does it appear

Love never arises from scratch. It grows out of falling in love and is characterized by a persistent attachment that is not influenced by external factors. So, with true love, the opinion of others about a partner is negligible.

First of all, a loving person trusts his inner convictions, although he understands that his partner is not devoid of flaws, but these imperfections are not significant. So, a woman can soberly realize that her man is not handsome, but love for his spiritual qualities and actions; a man may know that his wife is an imperfect mistress, but a reliable friend who will not leave in trouble.

Friendship plays a much larger role in the formation of love than falling in love. Friends may begin to feel attracted after a while, but lovers, if they do not become friends, will not experience the joys of a high feeling.

Signs of true love:

Persistence	When you really love, interest in a person persists for a long time. If outsiders interfere in the relationship, the lover is ready to defend his right to happiness, but thinks soberly, and does not blindly rush into the embrasure, not noticing significant shortcomings
Powerful emotions	True love does not interfere with communication with other people. If a person is focused only on the object of adoration and he completely replaced the rest of the world, we are talking about obsession, and not about real feeling. In love, everyone continues to engage in self-development, and does not live in the interests of the other. Nevertheless, of all people, the beloved stands out and is the most important person in life.
Sacrifice and unselfishness	If a lover first of all thinks about his interests, about what he will receive from a partner, then when love arises, the desire to make the other happy comes first. People become ready to compromise their interests without demanding anything in return. In a healthy relationship, there is a constant mutual return - both partners strive to make the life of their beloved more comfortable, joyful, and happier.
Trust and peace of mind	As the affection grows, the lovers trust each other more and more. In ideal relationships, there is practically no place for jealousy, and if it remains, it remains in the form of a game. Confidence grows from trust that a partner will not leave even in crisis situations: in case of illness, loss of job, in case of financial difficulties
Sexual attraction	When you experience feelings, the desire for intimacy does not fade away, but grows over time. If the passion is gone, it was love, not love.
Unconditional acceptance	When two people love, they don't try to remake each other. If a man or woman chose this person, it means that he or she was satisfied with the qualities of a lover from the very beginning. If there is serious dissatisfaction with the character, worldview, lifestyle, then we are talking about falling in love. Only lovers are trying to reshape a partner according to their own pattern.

Expressing feelings is important in a love relationship, but these manifestations do not have to be demonstrative. All people open up to the world in different ways: someone calmly hugs and kisses in public, while someone restrains any impulses in front of strangers and expresses feelings only in private. It doesn't matter how it happens, the main thing is that the manifestation of feelings exists.

Relationship with a beloved man

For women, in addition to actions, a romantic manifestation of love is significant. It is important for a girl to hear that the guy loves her. Some men find gentle words superfluous. Why, they declare, to say “I love you”, they say, and so you know it, deeds are important, not words. Such people express their feelings in action. While the boyfriend is singing serenades under the window of a sick girl, a truly loving man will bring medicines and watch by the bed.

Romantically inclined persons should not forget that it is difficult for some men to talk about feelings; they should not torment them with questions and complaints. He will definitely say “I love”, but only when he is ready to follow his beloved into fire and water, and he will not say words of love often.

When love is born

It will take a long time before real feelings arise. Falling in love flows into love gradually. Ardent passion does not necessarily translate into a strong feeling, and there is no tragedy in this. Most people are able to love only once in a lifetime; some people never know this feeling.

It is difficult to pinpoint the day when falling in love will become love. For this, the beloved must thoroughly study each other, understand how their life goals coincide. Only after making sure of the reliability of each other, people can say that a real feeling has come to them. This period usually takes two to three years. Love can be talked about no earlier than a year after the start of the relationship.

What to do if you fell out of love

If falling in love arises rapidly, then love develops slowly. She also leaves. You cannot stop loving a person in one day. You can stop feeling passionate or attracted, but even resentment doesn't kill feelings instantly.

Before parting, there is an exacerbation of emotions, then their extinction. Even if two were crazy about each other, changes in views can destroy love, because a person continues to develop all his life.

There is a simple way to understand that you no longer love: close your eyes and imagine that this person is no longer in life. You need to think about whether something will change drastically, whether he will be painfully missed or will be tormented by possible inconveniences that will inevitably arise when the union collapses.

If the relationship is no longer satisfying, you should definitely talk to your partner about it. Perhaps he has not loved him for a long time either, but he is afraid to reveal himself, since he has taken responsibility. Do not forget that dislike is a long-term persistent lack of happiness, loss of interest in a partner, the disappearance of respect, and not short-term doubts about feelings.

Love is an extremely subjective feeling and concept, but everyone who has fallen into its net can confidently say that there is nothing more beautiful and desirable in the world. However, how not to be mistaken in your feelings and recognize the first "symptoms" of love fever? It is no secret that infatuation, falling in love, passion and love have similar characteristics. And it is extremely difficult to see the difference, because the difference lurks deep within us. How to understand whether you love a person after all or not? Let's answer a few important questions and understand what lies behind the irresistible craving for the chosen one.

1 How to understand if you love a person?
2 Signs of love
3 Several ways to know if you are in love
4 Love or affection?

How do you know if you love a person?

First of all, you need to think about why this question arose at all. Where did this idea come from? It's pretty simple. At the beginning of a relationship, when a candy-bouquet romance “blooms and smells”, a girl or a guy has no doubts about his own feelings - we are firmly convinced that we love this person!

However, after a few months (or weeks), the pink glasses fall off, and the lover begins to wonder how much his chosen one corresponds to the ideal. Are the emotions real? Maybe it's just sympathy? In this case, feelings recede into the background, and the calculating mind is in the center. He seeks to cool the ardor of our emotions, caring, among other things, about the heart that can break. The voice of reason is a good phenomenon, indicating a healthy psyche of a person.

The concept of "love" is unique and individual, because everyone loves in their own way. However, common features are inherent in all people without exception: love is something good, warm, expensive, associated with a feeling of comfort when your chosen one is around.

Signs of love

Finding out if you really love someone is not always easy and simple. What to do? Take off your rose-colored glasses and try to look with the utmost honesty at your own relationship from the outside. You don't need to listen to your friends and "well-wishers"! So, the symptoms of true love:

Unselfishness. True love is an unselfish feeling. If a man or woman is looking for a benefit, all the time waiting for the chosen one to do something for him or, even more so, to help with finances, there is no need to talk about love. These are not emotions, but enjoyment.
Sexual attraction. Can true love go without sex? It is difficult to say, since everyone is hearing so-called platonic love, which does not imply physical contacts. However, many psychologists are sure that love is always combined with sexual attraction, which is completely natural. Simultaneously with the desire to possess, the person in love wants to see and hear the chosen one, to be close just like that, not because of the satisfaction of "animal" instincts.
Unconditional acceptance. To love is to accept a partner with all its advantages and disadvantages. A person in love does not seek to remake the chosen one to fit his patterns. Do you want to remake something in your heartfelt friend? Most likely, this is not love.
The trust. The ability to trust a loved one is an important indicator of true love. If you are used to sharing your problems and joys with your partner, do not be afraid that you will not be understood or ridiculed, this is SHE. Incomplete trust is one of the signs that you still do not love this person.
Consistency. True love differs from falling in love in that it is not influenced by any external circumstances. For example, if relatives and friends oppose the chosen one, the loving person will defend his opinion and feelings. In addition, real emotions do not change plus for minus, even if the partner turned out to be far from perfect.
Sacrifice. Love implies the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the one whom the heart considers the best person in the world. Sacrifice does not imply a desire to receive something in return, the most important thing is moral satisfaction from the happiness of a loved one.

Several ways to know if you are in love

Of course, we would need a kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether it is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.

Method number 1. Test

Can't figure out your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:

Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, want to wish him pleasant dreams?
Are you striving to make him happy?
Do you feel good, calm next to your chosen one?
When you think about him, smile, blush and worry?
Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
Do you think he is the best man (woman)?
You know about all his shortcomings, but continue to accept him for who he is?
Does the prolonged separation from him bother you?

If you answered all the questions with a confident "yes", congratulations, your feelings are sincere. When there is uncertainty in the answers, it is worth considering. Remember that the test should be taken in its usual state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.

Method number 2. Pros and cons

A common psychological method is to divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down the positive and negative qualities of your chosen one. So you can get your real attitude towards him and a vision of his personality.

Analyze the number of pros and cons. What is your loved one woven from? Of the merits or demerits? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good relationship to your partner.

Method number 3. Meditation

It is more comfortable to sit in an easy chair, on a carpet pleasant to the body - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions or extraneous thoughts. Getting into a "trance" is easier to accomplish by focusing on your own breathing.

Having calmed down and detached from extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? How do you feel? Do you feel like walking up, kissing, hugging, or running away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of a loved one appears.

Method number 4. "He is no more"

Rough enough, but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (you do not need to dwell on this idea). Or perhaps you've never met at all. What are you thinking about? Are such performances comfortable? Or perhaps they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of any thing or person when we no longer possess them. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.

Love or affection?

Another common question: how do you know if you love a person or is it just attachment? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions almost never occur. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, attachment - we experience all this at the same time, but only in different proportions.

As we said above, disinterested caring is considered an important sign of true love. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence on the chosen one or partner.

The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes suffering that an addicted person experiences. If attachment is accompanied by special feelings that deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.

So, sorting out your true emotions and feelings is sometimes quite difficult. But if you are firmly convinced of the correctness of your own choice, you should not doubt your chosen one. Love is the most beautiful feeling to be enjoyed, especially if it is mutual. Love and be loved!

How to understand if you love a person? Before figuring out how to understand whether you love a person or not, it is worth deciding on the concept of love in your personal system of perception, the place allotted for it, effective and verbal manifestations, or perhaps only sensual feelings of self. Love can be confused with passion, attachment, addiction, habit, a way to resolve psychological problems, and even with the consequences of complexes and psychotraumas received throughout life. The desire to be constantly near, to feel the smell and touch of the object of sympathy can be the beginning of love, or it can remain at this level dictated by passion and pheromones.

The desire to please a person, make his life easier, help, make him smile can indicate the presence of love. This also includes sincere worries about the fate of a person - if you are indifferent to his successes or failures, or are interested in only one of these aspects, then you can hardly speak of a sincere interest in his fate. Remember that such signs individually cannot indicate a feeling of love, they can characterize friendship and a warm attitude and a sense of duty - only a combination of many factors can say that this is love.

How to understand whether you love a person or is it affection

Love is impossible without the presence of trust, and such a requirement is due not only to wishes, but also to the evolutionary course, when families began to be created, and not temporary alliances for intercourse and procreation, a sense of trust became one of the priority qualities and feelings of self next to a person. A similar model is also characteristic of the present time - no matter how passion captures, everything that shines on a couple, formed on the basis of physical craving, is a joint beautiful intimacy, without love and a future, but if there is a feeling of trust in this person's life, then love is here closer and the duration, as well as the quality of the relationship, increases.

Just as there is trust, i.e. the ability to completely entrust your life in the hands of a loved one, there must also be a component. A vivid example is given to the mother, which is the most vivid manifestation of self-sacrifice for the sake of a beloved being, it is natural that in a pair of adults such relationships will indicate some kind of pain, but there must be elements. It is impossible to talk about the presence of love if there is a need only to receive from a person, to leave in difficult moments for a partner and to observe only one's own interests.

The very fact that you are asked about what you are experiencing indicates dissatisfaction with the relationship, regardless of the answer. Such thoughts creep in if you start using a comparison of your relationships with those of your acquaintances or in your parental family, with the heroes of films or regarding your youthful dreams, and perhaps even with how the same relationship looked in the beginning. All these moments have one similarity: separation from reality and inapplicability to a specific person and specific relationships. To figure it out, you have to think about what you personally put into the concept of love and, on the basis of this, find the points that you lack in a real relationship. It often happens that you don't have to dig deep between affection and love, but everything is easily resolved by direct and honest conversation with your partner about comfortable or unsuitable moments.

There are two views on the difference between love and affection - concepts as synonymous (after all, we really get attached to loved ones and can begin to love as a result of affection), while others separate these categories into different poles, considering one a manifestation of sincerity and freedom, and the other pretense and dependence. Indeed, attachment may outwardly resemble love - so much empathy and care is expressed to a person, attention is given and a privileged position is given with the only difference that this is done through effort, forced, with an understanding of specific losses, if these actions are not performed.

Attachment often develops into dependence, and if you perceive what is happening through such a prism, then signs of the difference between love and attachment begin to appear - pain, tension,. Fear is created by the possibility of losing a person (its significance may be due to material benefits or psychological comfort), which entails serious frustrating processes for the life of another, and, accordingly, gives rise to resistance and constant sensitivity. In an effort to avoid loss, a person becomes constantly tense in order to guess the other in time or restrain the manifestation of his own. All this is done to avoid the pain of parting, which is constantly seen on the horizon and scares. Something like this will look like attachment, while in love there is no pain, even when parting, a person wants all the best and his choice is made to go further on his own. And if the killing pain of loss does not threaten, then there is no fear of parting, tension disappears. A person is happy and relaxed, he can be anything, and he shows care and attention from his own need and desire, enjoying the process. All this does not mean that attachments take an exceptionally bad form, we all build a lot of relationships on the feeling of attachment, but as long as they are in a soft and free mode, this is permissible and normal (such relationships can arise between colleagues when we seem to get used to each other , but the world will not collapse if someone changes jobs).

Attachment is always characterized by the presence of benefits (material, housing, psychological, social), while love is more self-sufficient and relationships are present just for the sake of pleasure, and not because of the relief to pay the mortgage or get rid of the pressure of grandmothers to arrange a personal life.

How to understand if a loved one loves you

If it is best to approach and ask all questions concerning a person, then, as far as sympathy is concerned, this method may not work, because out of a feeling of embarrassment, you may be answered that they do not like, but out of a desire not to offend, let them know that they love. However, there are several indirect signs if doubts remain about the spoken or not spoken confession. Much more eloquent are always actions that betray a person's attitude. If you notice that they care about you, always remember events or plans that are significant for you, help or try to please, then this is definitely about sincere sympathy. But in assessing actions, make an amendment to how a loved one perceives the world, it is likely that he will show his signs of attention in a different way than you would (if in your case these are constant SMS messages, then he may, on the contrary, not write, caring so as not to bother you).

Perhaps the most important sign of serious love is building joint plans. When your relationship is long, then plans should be big, about a common house and children, and for the initial stage, plans for weekends and holidays are good. If this does not happen, then the conversation can be initiated on your own, since the person is afraid to frighten you off with his serious attitude (after all, many girls believed the magazine articles and simply do not talk about plans in order not to frighten off their beloved).

The fact that you were introduced to your circle of friends, and possibly relatives, indicates a serious positioning of your relationship, and when you are introduced to new acquaintances as your soul mate, then this is love. If you notice that in public he withdraws, and represents you neutrally, then either you have chosen an extremely secretive and stern man, or he is not defined in his feelings.

I want to share with my beloved, and this should include not only material things, but also friends and time, advice from experience and mood. The desire to share your and joyful participation in your life with you speaks of love, but the separation of spheres with a clear definition without the desire to unite shows a person's unwillingness to open up.

In order to express love, it is not necessary to pronounce this word, but such an attitude should be felt, and if you have doubts, then try to talk cleanly.

How to understand whether you love a person or not after breaking up

The emotional state after a breakup can be very unstable, when you want to kill someone with whom you have romantic feelings and nostalgia rolls over such that you want to return. Here it is worth dealing with the question of how to understand whether you love a person or not after parting, because perhaps it is attachment or an empty void and the main thing here is not to confuse such things with the loss of love.

To understand yourself, you need to isolate yourself from the influence of the opinions of others, who can, both engage in PR of a rare villain, and denigrate a truly beloved. You can prohibit talking about your former relationship and providing any information about the current state of affairs in a person, and if requests do not help, temporarily stop communicating with those who are trying to influence your perception. Listen to how easy it is for you to live every day yourself, how often do you remember your ex, open the photos and look at him from an intimate point of view, because you can react to a changed life (that no one rattles a coffee maker or that you didn’t have to drag food from store). Look back and assess whether there are grievances between you, love can often be confused with the need for him to apologize or atonement for his own feelings of guilt. Also, imagine the future, general old age and evaluate the feelings from such a picture - if it became warm and comfortable, then you can talk about love, if it is cold, disgusting or nothing at all, then there is nothing, even if it caused violent activity and the desire to be there, then check - do you like the family picture or this person in it.

It's also good to analyze it and if it seems to you that after the breakup feelings are alive, think about the lack of reconciliation or steps in your direction from the ex. Usually, if love is sincere, then it is mutual and both regret the separation. Getting rid of a false idea will help getting rid of - imagine in as much detail as possible that you are in a great relationship, where you are appreciated and you are happy, and through this state evaluate your feelings for the ex. If, while in a relationship, you do not remember about past love, then it was a veiled fear of loneliness, and if you do, then it makes sense to suspend the current relationship until you fully understand yourself.

Feelings for the ex is normal, it is important, when they arise, to keep the full picture of what is happening, with all its shortcomings, all your dissatisfaction and share. You can love the way he hugged you through a dream and hate the rest of the time, you can miss walking together in the park and enjoy the silence in the apartment in the evening - then this is about very specific things you need, without all the unwanted list. But if there is an understanding that this person is needed and his shortcomings are complementary to yours, then this is love that can still be returned if you quickly realize and do not wait for feelings to leave.

I made friends at work with a girl older than myself (7 years old). In friendly relations, everything turned out great. Over time, I began to understand that my feelings for her go beyond friendship. He began to show signs of attention to her and everything went well exactly until he began to invite her to spend time together after work. Every time there were any reasons not to meet. On weekends, I was simply ignored in all forms of communication and communication. And when we saw each other at work, communication went as if nothing had happened. When I asked why there was such an ignore in my address, what is the reason for refusals in meetings ... she lowered her eyes and said another excuse. She was promoted and our communication came to naught ... although when she heard from her colleagues that I had problems at home, she called and asked, encouraged me.

After some time of such communication, my colleague invited me to visit him .... since he had invited me for several years, and I still doubted whether to go or not .... I agreed ... and he told me that for several years I was missing the moment to find out the truth about one question. While visiting him, he told me that he and this girl had been together for a long time. It turned out that inviting me to visit them for several years they tried to reveal their relationship to me ... which they carefully concealed at work.

To my question why everything is so complicated and if they trust me so…. He didn’t say and why she didn’t say.

He wanted to say that is why he invited me to visit him .... she said that she saw my signs of attention and was afraid of my reaction to the fact that she would tell me that she already had a long-term relationship with my colleague.

I continued friendly communication with them without giving away their secret. But once I asked her a question .... I asked her what she was afraid to tell me about their relationship because she was afraid of losing a friend? .... In response, she silently walked up to me and hugged me tightly. And not long ago there was such a hug too ... I came to them for the new year and handing me a gift she again silently hugged me.

I just honestly cannot understand what she is trying to say and show with these hugs. I would have had enough pleasant words from her.

Hello!

I am trying to solve my problem: I am 40, she is 32. My beloved is in the city of N, I am in Moscow (long story - 3 years), but after she moved to the city of N to work (and she comes from there) at the end of July 2017. after a month and a half, a serious deterioration in relations was outlined, manifested in coldness on her part, closeness, visiting nightlife and restaurants with new friends (of course, male) from work. I'll tell you right away - I'm not a gift, she had reasons, because I frankly forgot about it the last year. 2 days later I rushed to town N and proposed to her ... and ... she said that she was not ready to say yes or no and she needed to think about it! Naturally, all this sharply spurred me to all sorts of loving actions addressed to her (gentle text messages, calls every day (earlier - much less often and then, rather, on her initiative), which was perceived by her as artificial actions solely under pressure and that the proposal I had to do it earlier and the train left.To my specific question: YES or NO (of course, I didn’t want to hear even NO), a couple of weeks later, when I arrived at her mother’s DR for a couple of days, she again answered ambiguously, but said, that it will not be possible to break myself and adapt to me, as it was before, now; if something does not suit me, I can leave. When I began to do this (it so happened that it was straight to the DR of my mother), but hesitated with severe pain in soul, seeing this, she offered me the conditions under which she could give a concrete answer: I had to start changing something in our relationship (to resolve the issue with my relocation, with work there (I have freelance now, with housing ( an apartment in Moscow time, which must be exchanged between the former wife, son and me), but at the same time she reserves the right to non-binding communication with new male friends. At that moment, she instantly changed her coldness and closeness to the mercy, affection and openness that were familiar and so necessary for me at that moment, that I thought I was dreaming about it. Further, for 2 weeks, I, for my part, tried to be gentle and caring as much as I could (sent her flowers to the hotel on a business trip, wrote gentle SMS messages), but at the same time a wild feeling of jealousy grew and began to spill out in me, which was expressed in my control questions that were not there before, suspicions, intense conversations on bodies after that (which she called brainwashing), etc. I understood that this was very wrong, but I could not completely control it, because and she no no, but she will add fuel to the fire (she does not pick up the pipes, does not answer the chat or sends photos from the restaurants (it is clear that she is not alone there). In the end, last weekend, 2 weeks after the "warming", there was a shock freeze and she said that her final answer was NO. Further, a program of spread rot with historical argumentation began. I did not argue with anything - for these are all facts. I just said that I analyzed everything, understood, imbued with it and was ready to change. To which she replied - I do not believe you and I have no desire to try to save something with you anymore. On the same evening, we still went as planned to a country hotel, where the "tests" continued, in particular, her Skype conversation with a colleague from work on Saturday evening at 23.30 (essno, male), allegedly about a business plan) ). I didn’t sleep all night. It was hard. The next day, she periodically changed her anger to mercy, which led me into a stupor, although the general concept did not change: I made a decision, I do not need you with my trailers (like the former family, to which I pay attention - I communicate with my son and, as a result, with my ex; by the way, this is one of the main points, because, I confess, I really often spent weekends with my son and went to him in the middle of the week). Plus, questions of a material nature began to surface in relation to her (there were also, I do not argue).
As a result, upon reaching their house (she lives with my mother and grandmother, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, it seems to me), where it was planned that I would stay until the morning, having made purchases in the store together, I took my things from the car, hugged her, kissed her, wished her all the best, called a taxi and left for the hotel. On the way I realized that, excuse me, I was completely fucked up, tk. now he removed all moral restrictions from her and, moreover, apparently forced her to inform her relatives of the reason for my failure to appear. After that I wrote to her that like see you in the chat, and after a while she wrote that it's a pity, it's all a pity.
The next day I wrote to her, asked about her health (she caught a cold) - she answered. Later - she sent me something, I answered; on this everything died out. Today all day long - silence on both sides.
I understand that I love her, I want to take care of her, as it was from the very beginning of our acquaintance. My main jamb is that I proposed to her only when it was fastened, although I had been thinking about it for a long time - I wanted to seize the moment. What do you advise? And, in general, whether it is possible to make an appointment in person or on Skype, for example, to one of your specialists for a consultation is not an easy question, and I have presented only the very tip of the iceberg. For example, to Vedmesh Natalia?

Hello Igor. We recommend that you look at your situation from the outside. Moving on to the perception of the events of your life as if from the outside, you will get the opportunity to soberly assess them and react with cold calculation.
Trying to solve a personal problem, you become even more deadlocked. To let go of a problem situation, it is more expedient to distract from it.
For the union to be happy, the efforts in a couple must be made by both partners in the same amount. The relationship between two lovers is a huge work. If one of the lovers tries to preserve the relationship with a greater return, and the second with less, then soon the first partner will feel that the union is more important and dear to him than the other half, as a result, this will eventually lead to discontent, and then to quarrels.
From what you have stated, it seems that only you are trying to develop your relationship, and the girl is in thought and in free search for "coldness on her part, closeness, visiting nightlife and restaurants with new friends."
If a girl cherished you, experienced sincere feelings, she would be glad to your proposal, regardless of when it came. You cannot change what has already happened to you, but you can react differently to events.
"I understand that I love her, I want to take care of her, as it was from the very beginning of our acquaintance." - Relationships, feelings between people cannot be static, they are constantly changing, developing and what you want at the moment does not coincide with your beloved.
At the moment you have someone to take care of - your child. Pay attention to your child, an intelligent and loving woman would understand this.
- Natalia, hello! Thank you very much for your answer.
  I want to clarify a little one point about the efforts of partners. Indeed, in the last post, I did not outline all the nuances.
  The fact is that for more than 2 years, including the last year, when I frankly already took her kind, affectionate attitude for granted and forgot about her, she practically made efforts and pulled our relationship, and I started running only when the rooster pecked - a month and a half like! ... On her part there were conversations and resentments and, sometimes, hidden hysterics, only a little splashed out, but I listened to her and did not hear !! Continued to mis-prioritize. She just burned out morally and patience ran out! ... Although, as it seems to me, I feel that some kind of small spark is still in her soul, but with her mind she no longer believes in our relationship and does not want to continue it. This is expressed in the fact that she can be closed, ignoring, irritated, harsh (do not touch me, etc.), but suddenly, for a short time, she can change her anger to mercy. I told her that I felt it, and she said that it was just a habit that remained. Today and yesterday, for example, she wrote to me, today she sent me a photo from her workplace. I also write to her, I am interested in her well-being, as she cannot get rid of a cold in any way, but I restrain myself strongly so as not to wish good night or good morning or write something affectionate or not put a smiley face with a kiss, etc. I don’t want to be obtrusive to her now, because I had already broken wood with my selfish jealousy, after which, by the way, she refused the conditions offered to her - to see how I would organize our further life together and relations from my side.
  But still, I believe in the ability to restore relationships and bring them to a new level. I am to blame for everything, and if I had kept the fire, it would not have turned into coals. Therefore, he must correct the situation on his own initiative. The task now is to rekindle them again. We'll have to conquer it again now. Natalya, I will be very grateful to you if you can advise some strategies and tactics. And in general, if it were possible to get your consultation at least via Skype, I think it would be very helpful.
  Thanks again!
  - Igor, in principle, everything is real. The tactic is simple, to be better than yesterday. You will have to try to hide your jealousy.
    Considering that now your girlfriend is sick, the obsession will be appropriate "to wish good night or good morning or not write something affectionate or not put a smiley face with a kiss, etc. ...". When she recovers and becomes the same, strong, "turns on" coldness, then it will be necessary to "slow down" with courtship, so as not to cause her irritability. And right now she needs care and attention, which she will not forget, even if it seems to you in the future that she did not appreciate it.
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