Modern education of boys aged 15-16. Proper upbringing of teenagers. Problems and features of communication between adolescents and parents

A 14-year-old teenager grows up in the family. But how to bring up a real man in him? Each parent wanted to see in his son a responsible and purposeful person who knows how to make decisions, take care of loved ones, respect women, be brave and honest.

How to raise a teenager boy

From about the age of 14, rapid changes occur in the child's body:

• physical;
• psychological;
• sexual.

All this affects the psyche and his behavior. Many boys cease to obey their parents, behave willfully, closed, aggressively. They have their own idols, they imitate them, so they begin to pay attention to their appearance.

Guys communicate more with their peers, parents fade into the background. A teenager often rejects their requests, disagrees with their opinion, argues and tries to prove his case.

A teenage boy lives in his own world of hopes and aspirations. At this age, the first romantic feelings are very often born.

The upbringing of a 14-year-old teenager is characterized by the fact that his character has already been formed by this time and nothing can be changed. It evolved throughout his life: in kindergarten, school, family.

The upbringing of a teenager boy largely depends on the relationship between the parents and their participation in the upbringing of the child. At this age, sometimes a teenager so wants to be supported, more often paid attention. And many fathers deviate from their duties. After all, any boy tries to imitate his father, seeing everything positive and negative in his behavior. Dads are obliged to remember this and always be an example for him.

The mother should show constant care, be aware of the affairs of the child, give small gifts, be affectionate and kind. All this will entail proper education. He will first love his mother for life, and then the girl of his dreams.

A grown-up guy wants to be on an equal footing with his parents, and they consider him a child. Therefore, resentment often arises, the boy closes in on himself. You need to see him as an adult son, more instruct him to make decisions on his own.

The upbringing of a 14-year-old boy must be carried out deliberately, be prepared for this in advance, establish close contact with the school, with teachers and the class teacher in order to help your child learn subjects, in relationships with peers.

Raising a teenager's son is a very responsible period for parents, everything depends only on them.

Psychologist's advice on raising a boy 14 years old

Psychologists do not consider this age difficult for education, they call it a new identification period for the formation of a future personality.

Experts say that this is the age of 5 “NOT”, these include:

1. unwillingness to learn;
2. do not do homework;
3. do not listen to advice;
4. do not clean up after yourself;
5. do not come on time from a walk.

You need to educate a teenager boy of 14 years old carefully and tactfully, you need to try to restrain your nerves, never yell at him.

Do not forget that emotions come to the fore in adolescents, it seems to them that adults often treat them unfairly. The guys begin to sort things out, which lead to scandals at home and at school.

Mother and father should understand their son, stock up on great patience, resolve all issues without conflict and not scold for trifles.

School. The school is a great help to parents. The upbringing of boys in secondary school takes place in different lessons: "Ethics and psychology of family life", "Social science", "Physical education", as well as in class hours, where various issues of personality development are considered, they often talk about the morality of schoolchildren, their deviant behavior (smoking, alcoholism, drug addiction).

you can not criticize the child in the presence of his friends;

be interested in success;

not be afraid to admit your mistakes;

never deceive a child;

always explain the correctness of the act;

consult with his son about financial costs, family plans;

listen carefully to the opinion;

trust the son;

love him with all your heart.

In order for the teenage period to pass painlessly, it all depends on the preparedness of the parents for it. Therefore, be patient, help your son overcome all age-related difficulties, always treat him with love and understanding!

Parents of teenagers need to understand and accept that during this period the personality of a teenager is undergoing changes, there is a struggle between childhood and adulthood, self-awareness as a person. It is at this time that teenagers really need the help of caring and loving parents who will help them enter adulthood.

The key question that a child asks himself at this age is “Who am I?”. This period is called the formation of the "I - concept", which will accompany the child throughout his life.

Physical development of the child

In adolescence, the formation of the skeleton, nervous, endocrine, cardiovascular systems continues.

During this period, it is necessary to pay special attention to the prevention of various kinds of curvatures in connection with the development of the skeletal system of the body: it becomes stronger than at a younger age, but the ossification of the spine, chest, pelvis and limbs has not yet ended. Especially harmful is the wrong posture when a teenager is sitting at a table: pulmonary ventilation is difficult, the supply of oxygen to the brain decreases, and a curvature of the spine is fixed.

It should be noted that if at this age special attention is not paid to the development of dexterity, plasticity and beauty of movements, then in the subsequent period it is usually more difficult to master them, and the awkwardness and angularity of movements inherent in a teenager can persist for life.

The nervous system of a teenager is still in the formative stage, and is relatively imperfect. Therefore, during this period, it is so important to protect the teenager from sudden overwork, to regulate the load on his fragile nervous system.

In addition, during puberty, the production of sex hormones in the body of adolescents begins, which leads to significant mood swings.

intellectual development

A teenager at the age of 14–16 is already an intellectually formed person who has his own opinion on various issues. Adolescents are quite capable of reasoning, expressing their thoughts, arguing them. More and more time in their lives begins to take serious matters, less and less time is devoted to recreation and entertainment. Logical memory begins to develop actively. Due to the emergence of new school subjects in the school, the amount of information that a teenager must remember is significantly increasing.

Psychological development

Along with mental changes caused exclusively by hormonal influences, adolescents also experience deep psychological, personal changes that occur unevenly: both childish traits and stereotypes of behavior and adults are simultaneously present in a teenager. A teenager rejects children's stereotypes of behavior, but does not yet have adult clichés. Since the need for recognition of one's own adulthood in adolescence is maximum, and the social situation, by and large, does not change, this can cause numerous conflicts with parents and teachers.

During this period, psychologists recommend talking more with your child, remembering that you are no longer a child, but an adult who is looking for his own path. In a conversation with him, do not use categorical forms, do not show his intellectual immaturity, do not be overly intrusive.

8 rules of behavior with a teenager aged 14-16

1. Don't impose your point of view

In older adolescence, the child develops his own taste in clothes, in music, in cinema and other manifestations of art. Naturally, the preferences of the child may not coincide with the preferences of the parents.

This is not a reason to try to dissuade a teenager and deny his choice. It is best to listen and try to understand the interests of a growing person. This will only add trust to your relationship with him.

2. Be willing to accept rejection of certain family activities.

The adolescent spirit is the spirit of denial. Hormones spur a teenager to go against everything. And if three years ago the child loved family trips with his younger sister, now he can refuse them.

He no longer fears the prospect of being alone at home. At the same time, refusing at the beginning to participate in a holiday or some other family event, a teenager can quickly change his mind. This happens more often if parents take the rejection calmly and do not try to persuade the child.

Listen and try to understand the interests of a growing person

3. Give your teen some space

It is very important for a teenager to know that he has his own space. A place where he can put personal things, books that no one will move or rearrange.

Learn to knock when entering a teenager's room. Even if you've never done it before. Keeping a growing child will help to avoid conflict situations.

4. Set a Good Example

Bad habits of parents are instantly reflected in children. If mom or dad allows himself to drink alcohol or smoke with a teenager, he believes that he can afford the same. The authority of the parent who is addicted is undermined.

The same can be said about moral qualities. If parents lie to relatives and colleagues, commit unseemly acts, then the teenager will either behave in the same way or completely distance himself from his parents.

5. Help shape your own worldview

Parents should encourage individual thinking of a teenager. If the child takes sides in a peer conflict, try to build a dialogue with him. “Do you really think that your friend is right?”, “What would you do?”.

In any questions, ask him to express his opinion so that he feels like a full member of the family, on which the choice of a place for a vacation or celebration of an anniversary depends.

An open censure of the people in whose circle the teenager revolves will either entail a protest on his part, or the fact of communicating with "undesirable" friends will be hidden from the parents. The only right decision is to let the child see for himself the negative qualities of certain peers. And, if this happens, support the teenager, perhaps by talking about a similar example from your life.

7. Let your teen take responsibility for their mistakes.

Even those parents who give the child enough freedom tend to take responsibility for his unseemly or wrong actions. Instead, let your teen deal with problems on their own. If he accidentally broke a friend's phone, he must earn money for repairs. If he received a bad mark in a quarter, he himself must agree with the teacher on how to correct it.

If a child accidentally breaks a friend's phone, he must earn money for repairs himself

A teenager does not control his mood. Hormones do it instead. To be offended or to swear at him is useless and not pedagogical. In addition, it may affect his interpersonal relationships in the future.

Therefore, it is best to explain to the child what caused his emotions and teach him to express anger calmly, with the help. And restrain yourself. In the end, the transitional age tends to end.

Elena Kononova

The upbringing of a teenager is different from that of young children. After all, in fact, these are already formed personalities that grow up and develop every day. This is evidenced not only by changes in their appearance, figure, but also in behavior.

Most children at the age of 14 become uncontrollable, stubborn, withdraw into themselves. And this is the omission of parents who missed the moment when their child matured. To avoid problems with a teenager, you should know what mistakes you should not make in raising your daughter, son, and what advice from a psychologist should be taken into account.

From this article you will learn

What is the age

Adolescence is the most difficult period in the life of children and their parents. At this age, the child experiences the first emotions, falls in love, manifests himself as a person. These attempts are not always successful. Therefore, despite the fact that children want to appear independent, they still need parental support, understanding and love.

This difficult period lasts more than one year. Therefore, it is appropriate to distinguish it into three stages and consider each of them in more detail:

• 11–14 years old is an early period. It can be called transitional, because it is at this age that two principles fight inside the child - childish and adult. A son or daughter is already kind of like adults, but childish traits also slip through their behavior.

During this period, children are especially sensitive to criticism from the outside, they are very dependent on the opinions of others. They spend more time with friends with whom they share common interests. As for school performance, it may decrease due to the inhibition of the processes responsible for memory and attention.

• 14-16 years old is the average period. A 15-year-old teenager is characterized by excessive emotionality, a desire to be important and significant. At this age, rash acts are often committed, the child may be influenced by society. Therefore, such changes in his behavior as detachment, isolation should not go unnoticed by parents.
• 16-17 years old - late period. The child becomes an adult and his actions testify to this. After all, fewer rash steps are being taken, there is awareness and responsibility. It is at the age of 16-17 that most teenagers graduate from school and face a difficult choice on which their fate depends. At this point, parents should be support and support.

Features of raising boys

A 14-year-old child requires attention, looking for support in the face of mom or dad. But not all parents understand this. In their opinion, in order to grow a real man, you need to make him strong, independent, able to cope with his problems alone.

The result of such a position is usually deplorable. After all, the child is without support and is looking for it anywhere, but not at home. This is fraught with association with bad companies, immoral behavior, and this is not the worst of all that can happen to him.

In order for a boy to turn out to be a man, it is necessary to pay attention to what the upbringing of adolescents is like, typical mistakes of parents that can cripple the psyche. Only by excluding them, you can raise a boy happy, caring, understanding and courageous. Therefore, parents should not:

• Take the whip method as the basis of education. Nothing good will come of it. By forbidding a child everything that his peers have access to, you can give rise to anger in him at the whole world. In addition to the respect that parents want to instill in him, they will receive hatred and fear. Freed from such guardianship, the boy can throw himself into all serious trouble to make up for lost time. There will be no positive memories of youth that could be remembered in old age.
• Show excessive care, patronize and protect the boy from everything and everyone. This mistake is made by mothers of children who have single-parent families. In this way, they are trying to add the love that the child did not receive from the father. If you don’t stop in time, but you need to do this before the boy turns 14, then instead of raising a man, he will be able to make the child dependent on his mother, who solves all his problems, deals with offenders, decides fate.
• Resort to comparison. During adolescence, all children are different. Someone closes in himself, and someone becomes open to everything new. The mistake of parents is the constant comparison of their child with their peers. Such attacks can shake self-confidence, the child will begin to imitate the standard, and lose himself. In no case should you compare your child, on the contrary, he needs to instill faith that everything will work out for him, he will overcome difficulties, receive an excellent education and become a successful person.
• Contradict yourself. If a father teaches his son to protect girls, to give in to them, and he offends, beats his mother in front of his own eyes, then in the future the teenager will transfer this model of behavior to his family. The same applies to the teaching of morality, talk about the fact that stealing is bad, while, for example, something is brought from work illegally.

To grow a man out of a son, you need to show him, using the example of a dad, what he should be like. All other arguments will be in vain. After all, they do not correspond to the example that a teenager observes every day.

Features of raising a girl

The upbringing of a teenager girl has some differences from that of a boy. But still, at the age of fourteen, a girl needs love and understanding from her parents, and especially her mother. In this matter, advice to parents should be taken into account on what mistakes you should not make:

• Raise in strictness. Parents, fearing that their daughter will contact bad company, start sexual activity early, which can lead to early pregnancy, try to protect their child from all this. Therefore, they load it with all kinds of household chores, study and other things. The model of behavior in this case is more like not a family, but a boss and a subordinate. The girl does not feel protected, loved and begins to look for support in strangers.
• Allow everything, indulge and indulge whims. If parents raise their daughter in this way, then they should be prepared for the fact that soon her demands will increase, and any refusal will be perceived as a betrayal. From such a girl a woman will grow up who does not show respect for people, cares only about her own good. And the parents themselves will suffer from such upbringing in the first place.
• Criticize the child. There is nothing worse than low self-esteem, which can cripple your whole life. Paternal criticism is especially sharply perceived, which in the future may result in hatred for the entire male sex. But praise for achievements, affection and care will help to grow a self-confident woman out of a little girl.
• Too frank. Despite the fact that many psychologists advise parents to make friends with their daughters during adolescence, this idea is only half successful. If a child shares experiences, seeks advice from parents - this is one thing, and when a mother crosses all boundaries of what is permitted and starts too frank intimate conversations, this can injure the child's psyche.

The consequences will manifest themselves soon, in the form of the daughter's isolation, the desire to avoid communication with her mother, and she will have to look for questions for answers of interest on her own.

A successful and happy woman is the merit of parents who at one time knew how to raise a teenage girl, retained warm and tender feelings. But it's worth a lot.

A difficult period in the life of a teenager, parents must share with him. But it should not be perseverance, strict control, spontaneous interference in his affairs. Any parent who has a connection with a child will feel his condition, and a silent request for help. Starting at age 11–14, parents should:

• Spend as much time as possible with your child. Despite the fact that his circle of friends is getting wider every year, communication with his parents is necessary for him. They should know as much as possible about the child's life, just as he knows about theirs.

Therefore, you should not avoid the questions asked, because if they are followed, then they matter to the interlocutor. With the help of dialogue, you can learn a lot about the life of a child: who are his friends, what are his hobbies, problems, joys.

• In addition to communicating with the child, you need to spend time. Joint forays into the stadium, into the forest, cafes should bring pleasure to both parties.
• Parents should share the interests of the child (to the extent reasonable). You should not express your opinion, different from the child, about his style, preferences, music. A son (daughter) at the age of 14 is an adult who has his own tastes and beliefs. And he will be pleased to share all this with the closest people.
• The child needs to be treated like an adult. He should have his duties around the house, help his parents. And they, in turn, should become an example of an ideal family in which the child will always want to return. After all, what could be better than a house in which it is warm and comfortable, where parents love each other, respect, and in any situation will support the child, will not be left alone with their problems.

Children at any age need understanding, and teenagers most of all. Indeed, during this period, a lot of changes take place in them themselves, with which they cannot always cope on their own. And their separation from their parents does not mean that they no longer need their support and help.

Perhaps they need advice more than ever, a strong hug, but they just don't know how to demonstrate it. Therefore, attention from parents should be more than ever limiting. It is important to show a teenager that he is loved, dear to his family, perhaps these elementary things will help to get through this period easier, not to do stupid things that you will have to regret.

Safety is paramount. You don't want to be in control, but at the same time, you want your daughter to be safe. Spare no money, buy her a cell phone, or ask her to help you save money. If she has a phone, ask her to carry it with her at all times so you can reach her. Talk to her about possible emergencies. For example, tell her, “If you can't find a sober driver to bring you home from the party, give me a call and I'll pick you up. It doesn't matter if it's 4am, I'd rather pick you up than let you ride in a car with a drunk driver."

• Of course, she will grumble a little about your worries, but it's better than not worrying and letting her get into a dangerous situation.
• Teenagers spend a lot of time on the internet these days, so it's important to stay cyber-safe. Ask her not to talk online with people she doesn't know, and certainly not to date anyone she met online, unless she has a compelling reason to trust that person.

Let her date guys. Someday there will come a moment when she will have a boyfriend (and maybe a girl). You have to accept it, no matter what you really think about it. But do not forget about the rules and rigor. You have to keep an eye on how her relationship develops. Of course, you don't need to peek and ask too many questions, but you should be aware of what she is doing and where she is going.

• Of course, if you see someone treat your daughter badly or try to take advantage of her, it can kill you, but you should help her understand who is who herself, instead of saying that her boyfriend is a worthless person or that something like that. If you try to convince her not to date this person again, it will only spur her desire to the contrary.
• Understand, finally: it is unrealistic to forbid her to meet with someone she likes. It's not the stone age, understand, there's nothing you can do to ban her from dating. You can't lock her in a room like a princess in a tower. One day she will go to college or just move out, and then she will be free to date whoever she wants.
• Plus, you don't want her to resent you for not allowing her to date. If you do not allow her to do what all her friends do (and this is absolutely normal for their age), she will act very harshly with you.

Talk about sex. Be calm when talking about it, even if she feels awkward and embarrassed (even if you feel awkward)! Don't panic and tell her about safe sex and unwanted pregnancies at her age; just pass on the information to her. Never talk about it in front of her friends. And don't be too old-fashioned about it, it will only increase the risk of her rebelling.

• It is much wiser to talk to her about safe sex than to let her get into a dangerous situation. Tell her why it's important to have sex only if she really wants it, and not because her boyfriend is trying to persuade her to go further than she would like.
• Of course, all parents would be much calmer if their teenage daughters were virgins. But, today, the average age of onset of sexual intercourse is about 16 years, so it's better to still discuss safe sex and even taking contraceptives than to preach total abstinence.

Get ready for her first period. Sooner or later she will start her period, you should have tampons and pads ready by this time. As with sex, don't be afraid to talk to her about her period beforehand. You don't want her to get scared if she's not aware. Talk to her about menstrual pain, show her books and websites where she can find more information. Many girls begin their periods before adolescence, so be prepared for this in advance, as many girls are developing very quickly these days.

Learn to deal with mood swings. Yelling at her when she is very excited will not help. Let her emotions settle on their own, because there's nothing she can do about it. Just like a woman going through menopause, your daughter will have to go through many emotional changes; it's important to be patient and understand that she can't always be a pretty little girl. This period will pass and it will be better, your daughter will not always be like this.

Talk about drugs, smoking and alcohol. You may have your own opinion about these things, but when setting rules about these habits, first of all, be guided by her health. Explain the dangers of smoking and drugs, and explain the importance of abstaining from alcohol at an early age, as teenagers under the influence of alcohol can do very irresponsible things. However, many drink alcohol before they are 18 or 21, so it's better to talk about how to drink safely than to outright ban it.

• Make sure she knows when to stop when it comes to alcohol. Tell her not to drink more than one drink an hour, not to mix drinks at parties and not to drink hard liquor, as this can make her sick.
• You don't want her not to taste alcohol at all and then, when she gets to college, drink herself into memory loss. She must know her rate before drinking with strangers.
• Also, talk about drinking with guys; explain that under no circumstances should you leave your drink unattended.
• You don't have to act like you were a saint in your teens. If you have had bad stories (which naturally taught you something) about alcohol and drug use, you can share them with her (with caution).

The upbringing of teenagers.

Helping parents of a teenager is the main task of this article. We are sure, that by reading it in its entirety, you will be able to better understand how to make parenting a teenager more effective, prevent or smooth out conflicts. Learn the psychological foundations of raising teenagers.

In it you will find information about the psychology of a teenager, specific recommendations for raising a teenager, which will help to avoid typical mistakes of parents in raising teenagers, maintain harmonious relationships in the family, and help a teenager and adults successfully cope with the difficulties of adolescence. Often conflicts between adolescents and parents occur due to the elementary ignorance of the latter of the psychological characteristics of the adolescent period of development.

We hope that this article will help parents and other adults successfully overcome all the difficulties in raising a teenager.

Article structure.

• Advice for parents of teenagers.

Psychological features of adolescence.

Hundreds of books and thousands of articles have been written about how to raise a teenager, but often they are based on the author's personal experience and worldview.

In this article, we rely solely on information confirmed by numerous domestic and foreign studies, the results of which are published in the scientific literature.

Parents and educators often single out separate topics in the upbringing of adolescents: moral education, sexual education, physical education, spiritual education, and so on. But any direction of educating teenagers is only effective when it is conscious and based on the age characteristics of the adolescent period of human development.

We will talk about the age of 11-18 years. Although the boundaries of adolescence are rather arbitrary, for some it may begin a little later, for others a little earlier. There is no division into teenage boys and teenage girls in the article. Everything said in it applies to adolescents, regardless of their gender. Of course, some typical teenage reactions appear in teenage girls more often in a more hidden form than in teenage boys, and some, on the contrary, are more pronounced in girls than in boys.

Everyone knows that the period from birth to three years is very important in the development of the child. The experience gained at this time largely determines the further development of a person and affects the whole life.

But much less is known that adolescence has an equally important impact. This is due to the fact that in adolescence there is a second period of increased brain plasticity, those. the ability of the brain to change under the influence of the external environment.

Increased brain plasticity during adolescence makes it possible for positive results in the upbringing of a teenager, but at the same time it is a risk zone, because. the consequences of adverse external influences can be strong and persist for life.

Teenage years -this is the period when a person acquires a set of skills and abilities necessary for him to continue his independent life .

At this time, the ability to realize the needs of other people, their motivation and intentions is formed; ability to plan and achieve goals; predict the consequences of their actions; control over their own behavior and emotions.

Knowing and taking into account the psychological characteristics of adolescents will help parents avoid mistakes in raising their adolescent children.

What you need to know and consider in the education of adolescents.

• In adolescence, there is a need to separate from adults, to feel independent and independent. It is this need that often underlies teenage negativism, the desire to emphasize one's individuality, and resistance to adults.
• Teenagers need recognition from their peers. For most teenagers, the opinion of friends may be more significant than the opinion of adults, including parents. Often this leads to unreasonable acts in the company of peers. On the other hand, peer rejection leads to adolescent emotional problems, feelings of loneliness and communication problems that can last a lifetime.
• All people are not indifferent to the attention of others, their opinion and attitude. But in adolescence, this manifests itself to a much greater extent than in adults. Adolescents become more sensitive to the opinions and assessments of others (especially peers), they often exaggerate the attention of others to themselves, especially acutely experience the feeling of rejection by peers, loneliness.
• In adolescence, positive emotions seem stronger and brighter than at other ages, while self-control is still not sufficiently developed. Self-regulation of adolescents has not yet formed. Adolescents are characterized by the desire to receive rewards "here and now", but they less tend to avoid situations in which they can lose something or fail. The desire to receive immediate reward often takes precedence over common sense, because. they are less able to control their impulsive behavior, especially in the company of peers. Very often, teenagers commit any undesirable acts not because of ignorance, but under the influence of momentary emotions.
• Under normal circumstances, adolescents are often capable of the same level of self-control as adults. But anxiety, fatigue or stress affect his ability to self-control to a much greater extent than in adults. (This is due to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, responsible for self-regulation). In an emotionally unstable state or under external influence, the quality of his decisions deteriorates.
• Due to the increased excitability of the limbic system of the brain, adolescents show greater emotionality, experience emotions more acutely than adults, and also strive for brighter and more intense experiences - psychologists call this "striving for sensory experience."
• In the case of negative emotions, adolescents have reduced activity in the areas of the brain responsible for controlling emotions and understanding what they are told. Self-regulation of adolescents with negative emotions decreases much more than in adults.

Typical mistakes parents make when raising a teenager.

• Excessive control, attempts to regulate everything. Treated like a small child. Do not take into account the desires and opinions of a teenager.

  Thus, parents either push the teenager to rebellion, to a pronounced reaction of emancipation, or suppress his independence.

• They try to influence only in an authoritarian way, they use only prohibitions and punishments. They believe that the main thing a child should learn is obedience, obedience and respect for authority.

  Rigid authoritarian parenting often pushes a child to lie out of fear of punishment. Studies show that an authoritarian parenting style does not contribute to healthy development, often leads to less independence and perseverance in later life, and uncertainty in non-standard situations.

• Let everything go by itselfyield to all the whims of the child, do not control anything, avoid conflicts.

  This can lead to low achievement motivation, greater exposure to peer influence, and behavioral disturbances. It inhibits the development of self-regulation of a teenager.

• Scolding for something, they evaluate not the act itself and its consequences, but the personality of a teenager.

  In this case, parents provoke a protest reaction or a feeling of helplessness and rejection in a teenager.

• Underestimate the influence of peers. Doesn't matter if he has no friends
  
  If a teenager has no friends, then this is a cause for concern. Also, because of exposure to the influence of peers, his environment is very important. Sometimes it is even necessary to change schools or classes if a teenager is isolated or in inappropriate peer company (but this should be done in extreme cases).
• They underestimate external circumstances when they demand conscious behavior and self-control from a teenager.

  A teenager often simply cannot control himself, resist any circumstances. Recall that adolescent self-regulation is not yet sufficiently developed.

• They try to influence the teenager “on emotions”, in a stressful situation.

  In a stressful situation, the teenager's brain is simply less capable of analytical work. A teenager simply may not “get it” what angry adults say to him.

• Unreasonably encourage a teenager even for minor successes, thereby accustoming to getting "pleasure" without much effort.

This can lead to the development of egocentricity, as well as to the fact that in adult life a person experiences constant disappointments, gets lost in a situation where any demands are made on him.

• They do not take into account the individual characteristics of a teenager and modern living conditions. They act according to the principles: "What is good for me is good for him." “What I like, then he should like it,” etc.

  All people are different. In many ways, the personality characteristics of a person are due to the properties of his nervous system, depending on the genotype and formation in the prenatal period. How to take into account individual characteristics in raising a teenager - a little lower in this article.

Tips for parents on raising teenagers.

The main thing that parents can help their child in successfully overcoming all the difficulties of adolescence is the creation of a supportive and psychologically safe atmosphere in the family.

Basic principles of raising a teenager:

Manifestations of love.
Justice.
Providing support.

The main means of raising a teenager:

Communication, conversation.
Control.
Joint events.
Personal example.
The plasticity of the nervous system, that is, the degree of human susceptibility to environmental influences, is genetically predetermined. In other words, someone is more susceptible to external influences, someone less. But the external environment can have both a positive and a negative impact on the development of a teenager, depending on its content. And although the genetic code determines the strength of the influence of the environment on the development of a teenager, whether this influence will be positive or negative depends on environmental conditions.. And the family is an important factor influencing the development of a teenager.

If a person grows up in a favorable environment, then this makes him psychologically more stable, and if his living conditions are unfavorable, then vice versa. It is the manifestations of love and unconditional acceptance that create a favorable and psychologically safe “habitat” for a person, especially for a teenager.

Manifestations of love do not contradict firmness insetting limits and requirements for a teenager.Moreover, adolescents themselves need external control, setting boundaries for acceptable behavior and rules. But if a teenager does not feel that his parents love him, then most likely he will perceive exactingness as harshness, injustice, or too severe a punishment.

Teenagers often feel lonely in the family.

Recommendation 1. Show your love, do not skimp on affection and praise. Even when scolding a teenager, never evaluate his personality, talk only about a specific act and its consequences. Do not make your love for him dependent on his success, compliance with the rules and some actions.

Recommendation 2Help develop self-confidence, give the opportunity to take independent actions and make decisions. Support his need for independence.

Recommendation 3Get involved in your teen's life. But without obsession and excessive control, do not try to "get into the soul" for any reason. Just talk, be interested in his life without moralizing and "educational" speeches. Help with planning, setting goals and how to achieve them.

Recommendation 4If you set any restrictions, then justify them, clearly formulate the rules of behavior and demand their implementation. If the rules and restrictions are justified, taking into account the capabilities of a teenager, then they will not be perceived by him as something negative. (Which does not mean at all that he will always comply with them). It is better to motivate a teenager with a potential reward than with the threat of punishment or deprivation.

Recommendation 5Don't resort to harsh punishments. Physical punishment or punishment that humiliates a teenager is not effective. Punishment should be strictly for a specific act, justified, specific and limited in time. It is better to do without punishment altogether, replacing them with an expression of disapproval and an explanation of why it is bad and what consequences ( including for you personally) it resulted.

Recommendation 7 Feel free to tell your teenager about your emotions and feelings that are caused by his actions. Adolescents may not understand what their parents really feel and why and misinterpret their actions and words. (There is a very effective “I am a message” technique for this, at the end of the page there is a link to an online training for parents on communicating with a teenager, we highly recommend it).

Recommendation 8 Studies show that the level of development of a teenager's self-regulation is one of the main personal characteristics on which his success depends. In the development of self-regulation of adolescents, playing sports helps a lot, as well as establishing a system of reasonable control over his behavior..

A separate topic is the sexual education of teenagers. We recommend an article on our website on this topic.

Accounting for individual characteristics in the education of adolescents.

People are born with different features of the nervous system.
Here is a quote from the book of the outstanding Russian psychologist V.N. Druzhinin "Family Psychology".

“Psychogenetics identifies two determinants of development: heredity and environment. Between the hammer of the environment and the anvil of the gene pool is a man. For him, the family is the main and main component of the environment in which he lives .... "

Many features of the personality and psychological development of children are determined by biological prerequisites. We cannot change them. But we can take them into account when communicating with a person. Of course, each person has a different mood, he behaves differently depending on the circumstances, shows different emotions, etc. But everyone has individual, most pronounced personality traits, manifested in behavior and emotions. Below are some suggestions on how to take into account the most common severe individual characteristics of adolescents.

1. A teenager has increased activity, he really does not like monotony, he is very uncomfortable being alone. He constantly craves communication, is prone to frequent changes in hobbies and activities, but rarely finishes what he started, is he inattentive and has constant problems with discipline, can overestimate himself, strives to stand out, earn praise.
In this case, it is better to pay more attention to control and help in planning time. And most importantly - to show interest in the life of a teenager, in his hobbies and emotions, so that he does not feel the indifference of his parents to himself. But if parents try too hard to control absolutely everything and limit independence, impose very strict rules, exercise petty control, then this can push him to "rebellion". The teenager will look for ways to escape control and live his life hidden from his parents.

2. A teenager has increased fatigue, irritability and a tendency to worry about his health. There may be unexpected outbursts of emotion for a minor reason. As a rule, all this is combined with accuracy and discipline.
In this, parents should not overprotect a teenager, try to control his every step, constantly prohibit everything and watch him. All this will contribute to the strengthening of lack of independence and self-doubt, indecision and inability to stand up for oneself. Here, a normal, orderly rhythm of life, the alternation of mental and physical stress will play an important role..

3. A very strong tendency to introspection and endless reasoning, constant fluctuations in decision making. Indecision and hesitation in actions, especially in situations where it is necessary to make an independent choice, disturbing suspiciousness. All this is combined with fears that something terrible and irreparable would happen to him and especially to his close people.
In this case, it is undesirable for a teenager when his parents "load" him heavily with their expectations and hopes regarding his future. They make a teenager responsible for the realization of their own unfulfilled hopes, impose non-childish duties. Such features of a teenager as suspiciousness, indecision, a tendency to anxiety on every occasion will increase.

4. A teenager has a very pronounced egocentrism and a thirst for the attention of others. He often composes and fantasizes in order to embellish himself and his achievements. Experiences and emotions are theatrical.
These personality traits will be reinforced and strengthened if the teenager's parents patronize him in every possible way, protect him from any difficulties and unpleasant duties, immoderately admire imaginary abilities and attach unduly great importance to his achievements. In other words, to admire a teenager all the time, even in cases where his real abilities and achievements are not very great.

We have given just a few examples of pronounced individual characteristics and their consideration in the upbringing of a teenager.
But who knows their child better than a parent? Look closely at his behavior and emotions. Try to analyze what your actions cause this or that reaction of him. Think about what and how you can help him. The same words and actions can affect differently depending on the individual characteristics of a teenager.

In conclusion, we note the following.

Unfortunately, there are not so rare cases when parents are burdened by a teenager, although they drive such a thought away from themselves and do not admit it to themselves. In this case, the teenager does not receive emotional warmth, although the parents take care of him and show attention to his upbringing.
Depending on the individual personality traits of a teenager, his reaction may be different - from leaving in opposition to his parents to striving to win their love with all his might. But in any case, such a situation is psychologically traumatic for any child, despite the care of their parents, he still feels a lack of sincere emotional warmth.
Why it happens? As a rule, the reasons lie in the childhood of the parents themselves.
What should parents do if they are aware of their attitude towards the child? Here everyone must find the answer to this question on their own. Psychological counseling often helps.

And finally, in resolving and preventing conflicts with a teenager, the way parents behave in conflict situations plays an important role.