A crisis of three years of age for a child. A three-year-old child has a crisis. Periods of tipping points

20.09.2019

Many parents know from friends, older relatives, psychologists and pediatricians that at about 3 years old, the behavior of babies begins to change dramatically. But almost no one succeeds in preparing for a crisis in advance for 3 years. Yesterday, a sweet, trusting baby pleased her beloved parents with her obedience and good behavior. Today, on the usual offer to go to lunch, mom may hear harsh words or see a real tantrum.

A sharp change in the character, behavior of the child, his aggressiveness take loving relatives by surprise. Often adults begin to find out who is to blame for the poor upbringing of the baby. In the coming crisis, neither the parents themselves nor the methods of their upbringing are to blame. The time has come when the little man begins to realize himself as an independent person. The kid believes that he is already big, an adult, he can do everything himself. The attention, care and guardianship of parents for a crumbs of three years means that he is still considered helpless, they do not trust him. That is why babies begin to show a negative attitude towards loved ones.

The psychology of a 3-year-old child's crisis proves that this is an obligatory stage in the development of a child, helping the baby to become aware of himself as a person. It is not necessary to find out which of the adults brought up the child poorly. We need to consolidate all our strengths to help the little stubborn person get through this difficult period of life.

It is not entirely correct to say that the crisis occurs at exactly 3 years. The crisis period can begin in children from 2 years old and last up to 4 years. The duration and intensity of the crisis depend on the child's temperament: for example, choleric people are more excitable, and the crisis phenomena in such children often pass with violent tantrums.

The intensity of the crisis of 3 years can also be influenced by the style of raising children adopted in the family. In families with a dictatorial method of raising a child, manifestations of the crisis can be more violent and intense. Children in such families are often oppressed by psychological and physical methods. Having achieved by force from the crumbs of external obedience, parents create the prerequisites for serious psychological problems in the future of their child.

The crisis of 2 years in children is not distinguished separately, since it is the beginning of a difficult crisis period in three-year-old fools. Faced with the first difficulties of the crisis period, parents are primarily concerned with the question - how long does the crisis last 3 years for a child. The duration of the crisis period can range from several months to several years. Such a long period depends on the behavior of the parents, their willingness to meet their child halfway and solve difficult issues together. A child's crisis forces parents to overestimate some of the methods of raising children.

The external manifestation of the crisis is expressed in the desire of the baby to do everything on his own, often against his own will. “I myself”, “I don’t want”, “I will not” - this is what adults in the family will have to listen to very often. Denying the established order, the rules of behavior in the family, the child forms independence, while creating the prerequisites for personal self-esteem.

Boys are much more stubborn than girls. But girls are more often capricious. In the active period of the crisis, bouts of stubbornness and moodiness occur 5 to 19 times a day.

The manifestation of the crisis

Psychology characterizes the manifestation of crisis phenomena in children of three years of age as a "seven star of symptoms." The following symptoms of a crisis have been identified for 3 years:

Psychologists give a recommendation to prepare in advance for the difficult stage of growing up a child. Already from the year when the baby began to walk, care should not turn into overprotectiveness. You don't need to hold the baby by the handle all the time: let him run. Pay attention to his mood, to what the baby wants.

When a child reaches the age of two, he can already tell his mother about his problems and difficulties. Don't push the child away. Listen to your child, take into account the child's opinion. And then by the age of three the baby will feel the love and understanding of his parents, he will be sure that his family will always understand him. During the onset of the crisis, in the third year of the baby's life, the baby will have the feeling that he is under the protection of his family. The very crisis period in such children will pass without violent excesses and will take only a few months.

The science of psychology studies in detail the age of 3 years. At this age, self-esteem begins to form in many children, the foundations of a future personality are laid. It depends on the reaction of adults how this crisis period can pass in the younger generation: will the baby grow up to be a strong, strong-willed person or become a weak-willed hysteric? Will the child be confident in himself, or will the baby have a bunch of complexes that will interfere with his development?

For a more successful passage of the crisis stage for a 3-year-old child, so that it lasts as little as possible, psychology has developed several tips for parents of three-year-old kids:

We fight whims

The biggest problem in the 3-year-old crisis is the frequent whims and tantrums of little stubborn little ones. To avoid hysterics, whims, you should discuss your actions with children in advance. Going for dinner groceries doesn't mean you have to buy a new toy. Talk to the child, explain where you are going, ask his opinion.

If the child is already hysterical, do not go into screaming and threats, stay calm. Kids love to throw tantrums in a crowded place, take the capricious child to a quiet corner where there will be no spectators. Don't start lecturing and raising children in front of other people. Hug the baby best. Tell your child how much you love him, and also how this fidget behavior upsets you.

Do not under any circumstances use physical, corporal punishment. The little man will only get embittered, his stubbornness can only grow. The baby will begin to be afraid of parents. Never insult your child, do not call him a muddler, a bully. Praise all the successes. Don't make fun of failure. At this age, many children have new fears, which the baby cannot cope with on its own. Children begin to be afraid of heights, darkness, fear of strangers and a huge space.

How we survived the crisis

Olga, 28 years old
Son Makar, 4 years old

My son was naughty since childhood, but until the age of 2, everything was limited to refusal of soup and unwillingness to put away toys, I remember from myself that this is normal. And when we sent him to the kindergarten, something unimaginable began. Screams and tantrums in the morning, the teachers constantly complained that he did not go to play, offend other children, and did not eat at all. We got scared then and took Makar home for several months, I took a vacation, and my husband and I took turns studying at home, trying to figure out how to overcome the crisis. Of course, at first I swore, screamed, I could slap him, but the howl only got louder, and then we decided to act in two ways - contract and ignorance. It turned out not to pay attention to the tantrums, Makar became calmer when he realized that he would not achieve anything in this way, he himself began to compromise. As a result, after three months we calmly returned to the kindergarten, and by the age of 4 even whims became a rarity for us.

Correctional games: helping to overcome the crisis

It does not matter how long the crisis lasts at the age of three and with what intensity it manifests itself - it is necessary to help the child fight it. An understanding attitude alone is not enough, especially if the child has already developed the habit of throwing tantrums at a certain moment - going to the store, lunch and dinner, going to bed. Make a memo of such cases and keep it with you so that you can find a solution at any time. Persuasion does not always help, so in some cases, you can use the game as a method of dealing with a crisis.

"Shop"

Simulate a shopping trip with your child in the role of a salesperson. Let your favorite toy be a customer who behaves badly, screams, and demands sweets. Try to calm down the violent "client" with the child, but do not say at the end of the game, "You behave the same."

Family games are a favorite among children. Let your daughter or son put your favorite car or doll to bed. He must sing a song to her, tell her a fairy tale - do everything like an adult. After that, the baby will not only calm down on its own, but also go to bed, because it still follows the plot of the game.

"Bedtime story"

Come up with a plot of a fairy tale together, in which there will be many examples that somehow reflect the behavior of your child. Do not focus on the similarities, but analyze the situation, ask how best to behave the hero in a given situation.

Conclusion

The baby can hide his fears behind whims, only sensitivity and attentiveness to the behavior of children can help to overcome these fears. Such well-known personalities as Professor Vygotsky and Doctor Komarovsky have extensive experience in taking children out of the crisis characteristic of the age of 3 years. He offers methods to overcome the crisis period without great emotional losses.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Do you know what happens to a child at three years old? Many children at this time turn into intolerable tyrants. Parents are shocked ... What happened to their sweet complaisant son or daughter?

I've heard a lot about this crisis. But I was sure that he will definitely pass us. After all, I am such an advanced mother, I always listen to the baby, give freedom, respect his personality ... However, a few months before my daughter broke my self-confidence to smithereens.

What happened?

I will not go deep into psychology. Describe how at the age of three the baby begins to realize himself in a new way, begins to actively separate from his parents, etc. You can talk a lot on this topic, and all these words will not have any meaning.

Important - what happens in practice? Communicating with mothers of three years old, I identified the following patterns:

the child has his own opinion, contrary to the opinion of the parents;
for any requests and suggestions, parents hear a firm "no";
stubbornness begins to go off scale;
often this period is accompanied by hysteria - in the most diverse forms;
the child often acts contrary to his elders.

The three-year-old crisis goes by differently for different children. Someone - almost imperceptibly. Someone has it sharply. And some children have always been very stubborn, so their mothers did not see any major changes.

The same can be said about the duration of the crisis. Someone has one month. And for someone - a year ... But most often the peak of stubbornness lasts 2-3 months. Then there is improvement. The child again begins to make contact with the parents.

Our experience

If closer to three years old you begin to feel that you cannot cope with the child ... Do not panic. It is not because you are a bad mother. Not because you made a lot of mistakes in your upbringing. And this does not mean that your baby will now always be stubborn and uncontrollable.

Many mothers face a similar situation. Very many! You are not alone. And everything is fine with you.

Until the age of 2.5, I diligently studied the principles of my daughter. Has achieved some success in this. Instead of harsh prohibitions, I tried to explain to my daughter why this or that is impossible. I tried to react to any mistakes of the baby with love.

My daughter often walked towards me, listened to my words ... And in general she was just an angel, not a child! Everything we had was almost perfect. And the rare “imperfect” moments were solved peacefully and with love.

This is not to say that the daughter was meek and obedient. No, she has always had her own character, and by nature she is a leader. But before the crisis of the age of three, it was possible to agree with her. Something could be explained. Or otherwise convey your thought ...

But around 2.9, dramatic changes began to occur. My daughter no longer wanted to listen to any arguments ... For any suggestions one could hear only one: "No !!"

Hysterics began. Without an adequate reason. For example, she could throw a tantrum so that she was given something that is not in the house. Or, for example, so that they immediately give her porridge, and the porridge is not ready yet - it is cooked on the stove. No arguments helped. It is necessary - that's all!

Fortunately, the tantrums ended quickly. But the categorical "no" remained until the third year. If earlier, having spilled water, she calmly wiped a puddle with a rag, but now she did not agree to do it for anything.

She categorically refused to put the toys away. Even if there were only two dolls on the floor. Refused to wear panties. Go to the toilet. Go to bed (even fell asleep on the floor several times). There is sand in the street. And do everything that I forbade.

But it soon passed. And now my daughter, though not as responsive as before ... But already quite calm. Sometimes he even agrees to remove some of the toys.

What to do?

Quite a lot depends on mom. And in such crises, we must take the right position ... Help the child quickly get through this period of life.

As a rule, at three years old, a child lacks freedom. He wants to be more independent. I want to feel my importance. And the whole crisis is a kind of rebellion for freedom. We must satisfy this need for freedom. Anyway.

However, first you need to make sure that the baby's goal is freedom, and not mother's attention. Whims for the sake of attracting attention is a completely different story. This is not a three-year crisis. And such whims are "cured" by warmth and love.

If you understand that the child really started a "riot", listen to the following tips:

Don't panic or blame yourself for anything.
Try to treat your child with respect. Show more attention to his opinion, to his interests. This is no longer a tiny baby, but almost an adult!
Give your child the opportunity to choose as often as possible. Let him choose from the proposed options where you will go for a walk, what he will wear, what you will cook for dinner ... Look for choices at every turn.
Often to your question: "Will you eat soup or oatmeal?" the kid will answer - "Pasta!" But don't be discouraged. Explain that there is no pasta in the house. There is only soup and porridge. If the child says that then he will not eat anything ... Respect his choice. Let him not eat anything.
Try to be as gentle with your baby as possible. Give him as much love as possible. If the baby allows him to hug (at least sometimes!) - hug. At least in the morning. Play more of his favorite games. Speak sweet words. Show that you love him no matter what.
Speak as you understand the baby. That you understand how upset he is that he cannot dine with pasta. Voice his feelings: "You are sad, you are upset, you are angry."
Sometimes you have to show your hard no. If the kid starts something dangerous, you need to firmly and decisively stop it. No matter how hysterical he is. You have to take a position: “You can't do that. Therefore, unfortunately, I have to take you away from here. "
If you cannot do without punishment, punish. But not with spanking. It is important to somehow remove the child. And do it not with anger, but calmly, out of a sense of duty. I took my daughter out the door of the room. For a minute or two. This was a serious punishment for her.
Separate the behavior of the toddler from the child. He doesn’t behave like this because he’s bad. And because there are changes in him that he cannot calmly "digest". The child himself remains good and loved.
This method is undesirable, but I used it out of desperation. Find a moment of your own benefit. And present it as a logical consequence. For example, my daughter scattered some things and toys. To which I say that I will not play with her until she takes everything away. Because I don't play in a mess. For this, my daughter continued to increase the mess, but I got a lot of free time. It is important here not to deviate from your words.
Reduce the potential for conflict as much as possible. For example, remove the mosaic until better times if you do not want to collect it throughout the apartment. Remove out-of-season clothes away (if the baby persistently wants to walk in a jacket in the summer). Do not go for a walk with the scooter if the child does not want to take it back. Etc.

Childhood crises are also an opportunity to look inside yourself. See your shortcomings, evaluate the unplowed field for working on yourself. When a child is obedient, it seems that I am a very good mother. But the crisis reveals all our problems ... And helps us to become better.

Therefore, it is important to accept this stage of your life with your baby with gratitude. Learn to be wiser, more patient, softer. Learn to love your child. Serve him selflessly. In such crises, your motives are clearly visible. Do you take care of your baby so that he pleases you? Or simply because he is your son and you love him by anyone?

Excellent lecture by a well-known psychologist on the topic of the crisis for 3 years:

Children grow and develop rapidly, delighting their parents with their successes. But there comes a time when relatives stop recognizing the child - he becomes disobedient, stubborn, sometimes even aggressive. This behavior of children in relations with others is called a crisis of three years.

What is a three-year-old crisis for children?

The crisis of three years is the first age crisis in a person's life. This is the name of the transition period from early childhood to preschool. At this time, a radical restructuring of the baby's personality mechanisms takes place, new touches appear in his mind. Other approaches to relationships with others are being developed.

According to psychologists, a three-year-old crisis is a rather conventional concept. Such changes in behavior of different children can be observed at different ages. This usually happens between 2 and 4 years of age. The timing of the crisis is also conditional and usually does not last long - several months. The degree of its severity depends mainly on the individual qualities of the child.

The course of a crisis in an acute form, accompanied by hysterics and riots, may be the result of an authoritarian education system, suppression of children's independence, as well as inadequate use of prohibitions and punishments. The aggravation of relations between children and adults to the same extent can be facilitated by another method of education - overprotection, and in addition, inconsistent and inconsistent requirements.

The main characteristic features of the crisis period are:

Manifestations of despotism. Children try to subjugate everyone, and above all, their parents, demanding to fulfill all their desires.
Depreciation. The value of things that were previously significant for the child is lost. Confirmation of this can be conflicts with parents, quarrels with children on the playground, careless handling of previously loved toys.
Demonstration of protest. The development of self-reliance and independence skills can be accompanied by rebellious antics. The child requires adults to take their independence seriously. The kid, not feeling the approval of his actions from the parents, expresses a protest, which may be a violation of the usual norms of behavior and communication with elders.
Willfulness is one of the main signs of the crisis age of children. The child is not able to calculate his own capabilities, satisfying the needs for cognition of the world around him. And this can lead to another conflict situation with adults. Parents do not always realize that the baby is not going to interfere with them. This is just a manifestation of such characteristics of a child as curiosity and activity, which is extremely important for the confirmation of his personality, as well as self-development.
Manifestation of obstinacy. This is an opposition to all systems and rules of the family structure.
Stubbornness, which suggests that the baby will not back down from his demands under any circumstances just for the reason that he demanded it from adults. However, stubbornness sometimes borders on persistence, and parents need to be able to distinguish between these features of the child.
Negativism. This confrontation is mainly one person. For example, at home, a kid may ignore one of his relatives, and in kindergarten he may show his negative attitude towards one of the teachers.

At a time when children are trying to understand themselves, when they are emotionally separated from adults, when their self-esteem begins to form, parents should be especially careful. To support your baby in this difficult period for him and try to ensure a quick and easy course of the crisis, the parent must follow the following recommendations:

Stop overprotecting the child and understand that he has the right to be independent. To this end, it is recommended to draw up a list of things that the baby is able to do and let him do it. You should never refuse help offered by your child. Even if it only interferes. The only exception can be those cases that may pose a danger to him.
In some cases, to avoid conflict, the parents can be cheated by giving the child the right to choose. For example, from which mug he will drink milk today.
Not to order, but to ask. For example, you can ask your baby to serve something.
Controlling your own behavior in the event of tantrums in a child - raising the tone in this case is unacceptable. Only thanks to the calm behavior of the parents, who do not react in any way to the hysteria, the baby will understand that in this way he is unlikely to achieve what he wants. As a result, the need for such behavior will disappear.
Avoid conflicts and disputes. You should not suppress the stubbornness of the child by force, because he is just trying to defend his opinion.
Learn to give in to the baby in the little things. For example, you can sometimes allow yourself to play a little longer before bed.
Negotiate with children, but be sure to keep all your promises.
This age of children involves the use of play techniques in the educational process. For example, when a child does not feel like swimming, you can ask him to bathe the toy.
Do not forget to praise the child and encourage all his good deeds. The age of three children is a time when they are already proud of their own successes and achievements, therefore, the recognition of their parents is very important for them.
You should never compare your children with strangers. Such behavior of parents can provoke in them a negative attitude towards their peers, because at this early age, children have not yet developed a sense of useful rivalry. It is necessary to make it clear to the kid that he is just learning everything and his success in the future will be better and better.
No negative characterization of the child in case of failure. This attitude can hurt him very much, and in the future can cause all sorts of psychological problems. The child needs to be supported in any situation and explained that if something went wrong this time, it doesn't matter. Next time, everything will certainly work out.

Patience is key in every situation. Good parents can greatly facilitate the course of such a difficult crisis for a baby, taking into account the characteristics of the child, showing love and patience. Only such a position will help them get closer to the baby and understand his desires, and the little person will feel himself the most important, most needed and most loved.

At the age of 1.5 to 2.5 years, a child overcomes a colossal "distance" in development. By the age of 2.5-3, he develops into a personality - the only and unique, and this three-year-old personality clearly begins to declare himself. And here historical events begin to change one after another.
One day we find a nail neatly hammered into our favorite mahogany cabinet, the next day a piece of red fish, bought for the festive table, is in the cat's bowl. Then the child may come to mind to wash his father's mobile phone with soap on the sly, or draw a Christmas tree in his passport for beauty. Punished for the first, second, third and once again, after half an hour, the baby can be caught red-handed while trying to water wallpaper flowers from a watering can or wash the cat in the washing machine. Here already the thought creeps in among the parents, is he really mocking?
Any lull in the nursery begins to seem suspicious to an adult, in general it seems that you are on the front line, and your "leader of the Redskins" is on the warpath.
By the age of 2.5, the child's speech is already well developed. Even those children who have not yet actively expressed themselves, all the same, quite articulately to the point and out of place, begin to repeat: "I myself!"
Especially actively these very impulses of independence are manifested when we are late somewhere and absolutely cannot wait for the baby to satisfy his, as it seems to us, whim.
In general, the child is constantly in opposition. It does everything the other way around, as if deliberately provoking a conflict. It is impossible to feed him, put him to bed, or collect him for a walk without a scandal. More and more often there are concerts in the store or on the street.
This small but very smart creature understands that it is easier for us to give in than to be disgraced. The level of emotional and intellectual development of his personality already allows him to even blackmail his parents!
This is especially evident when adapting to kindergarten. Parents do not find a place for themselves after the tantrum that the baby threw in the locker room. At their work, everything falls out of hand, because they are sure that their baby is very bad in the garden, it is not in vain that he sobbed! But it never even occurs to mom, she refuses to believe that when she went out into the street with shaking hands, her son or daughter wipes away her tears and (right there!) Asks what is in the garden for breakfast!
What's happening? We bring up the kid, as always: moderately strict, moderately democratic. Why does the child suddenly cease to reckon with us? Why do unshakable authorities collapse overnight? And the thing is that you are faced with the tip of the psychological iceberg, which is based on the notorious crisis of 3 years.
The tip of the iceberg
A crisis of 3 years is a diagnosis. As doctors endure it on the basis of symptoms characteristic of the disease, so psychologists studying the age-related patterns of child development have identified and formulated a group of crisis symptoms "I myself".
Negativism. A negative reaction associated with the attitude of one person to another. The child generally refuses to obey the demands of adults. But negativism should not be confused with disobedience.
Stubbornness. Stubbornness and persistence are different qualities. The first is that the child insists on his decision. The person makes a demand and wants to be reckoned with.
Obstinacy. Close to negativism and stubbornness, but it has specific features. Obstinacy is a protest against the order that exists at home.
Self-will. The child himself wants to do something. In part, his behavior resembles the crisis of the first year, but there the baby was striving for physical independence. Here we are talking about deeper things - about independence in their own intentions, designs.
Devaluation of adults. Many parents describe the horror of the family when a mother first hears a "fool" from a child. The baby chooses epithets depending on the characteristics of intrafamily communication.
Riot protest. It manifests itself in frequent quarrels with adults. "All behavior takes on the features of protest, as if the child is in a state of war with others, in constant conflict with them," wrote the educational psychologist Vygotsky.
Striving for despotism. It is more common in families with an only child. The kid shows despotic power in relation to the entire world around him and seeks for this in many ways.
Pride in achievement. The baby begins to be sensitive to his deeds and actions, acutely experiences successful and unsuccessful actions. Assesses himself according to his performance in practical matters.
A group of symptoms associated with imagination. Developed imagination manifests itself in two ways. On the one hand, his development forms the basis of the child's objective activity, he has the ability to foresee the result. In addition, during this period, the baby begins to play independently, including composing stories that do not really happen to him, or communicates with an imaginary partner.
On the other hand, imagination can act as a protective function. So a child suddenly begins to boast of non-existent achievements, and a chronically unsuccessful child will begin to invent success, to compose more and more new achievements. Second birth
All mental processes develop in objective activity. Actions with objects are improved from elementary manipulations to mastering specific functions: eating with a spoon, sweeping with a broom. Gradually, the baby realizes that it is not the subject that guides his interest, as it seemed before, but on the contrary, he subordinates it to his interests. The child learns to plan his actions with the subject and to anticipate the result. At the same time, he begins to notice the connection between successful or unsuccessful action and the reaction of an adult to it. Through the assessment of parents, relatives, those around the crumbs, self-awareness and self-esteem are formed. The phenomenon of "I" arises. Now the baby no longer says, for example, "Vasya is good," he says: "I am good." The child is aware of himself as a person. And therefore, the crisis of three years in child psychology is often called the second birth.
The speech of the little person during this period is also actively developing. On a subconscious level, the child feels that a self-respecting person should declare himself, as they say, in a voice. This is what he does to the best of his ability.
For the most part, the baby does not realize what exactly he wants, where he can realize his imperfect skills in order to get approval and recognition, he begins to get nervous, worry. Outwardly, it looks like a protest. Indeed, for us adults, the child is still small, but for him he is already big. And the grossly unfair treatment of him like a toddler makes him resist and rebel! What to do?
The eternal question. You should change your attitude towards the child. We will have to admit that he is already big, learn to reckon with him, finally give him the opportunity to realize his claims to independence.
Hard? Of course, a new achievement - a role-playing game - will become a good helper in building new relationships! In it, a child can be anyone and do anything: cook soup, wash, saw, build, heal, cut, sew, command, educate, drive a car ...
During this period, it makes sense to re-plan the nursery, revise its design. Play corners should appear in it: a kitchen, a doll house, a workshop, a store ... They should not just appear and be played by adults together with the child. The kid must see that his play for us adults is a serious matter. In such games, the child will learn to communicate and realize himself, which he cannot yet do in a real "adult" life.
Society is a necessary condition for the development of a new born personality. In it, under the competent guidance of an adult, a story game will develop as the main activity of a preschooler, and in it - adequate self-esteem, the ability of a small person to independently build relationships.
In conclusion, I would like to tell the parents the following. The crisis of three years is a natural phase of the restructuring of the entire mental life of a child. The kid strives for self-realization, becomes especially sensitive to how others evaluate his results, he develops a sense of his own dignity.
If adults do not notice this, they still treat him as a small, inept creature, hurt his pride, limit his initiative and regulate his activity, if they are inattentive to interests, then the course of the crisis escalates. The child becomes difficult and intractable, and such behavior traits can take root in his character for a long time.
If the adult has reconstructed his relationship with the child, then the difficulties are easily overcome. In this case, the little person develops respect for himself as a reflection of respect for his deeds on the part of adults.
Good luck!

Reading time: 10 minutes

A vivid childhood crisis occurs when a child reaches three years of age. Parents are taken by surprise by the fact that yesterday the baby was gentle and obedient, but so quickly turned into a little capricious, with whom it is simply impossible to agree. The little tyrant begins to be stubborn and does not at all perceive those things that were not problematic yesterday. "The crisis of three years" - this is what psychologists call this behavior of a baby. To understand what happens to a baby at the age of three, you must first understand the symptoms.

Symptoms of a three-year-old crisis

A three-year-old crisis can last for several months or more, occur in different children with different intensities. During this period, the baby changes relationships with others, and new social skills appear. At the age of three, the human psyche begins to form, therefore, when communicating with the offspring, it is imperative to take into account his age characteristics.

Psychologists draw parents' attention to seven symptoms of a crisis:

Negativism.
Stubbornness.
Despotism.
Depreciation.
Obstinacy.
Riot.
Independence.

Let's analyze the symptoms of the crisis separately, trying to systematize their manifestations and give an accurate picture of what is happening.

If we talk about children's negativism, then you must first learn to distinguish negative reactions from simple disobedience.

If the baby simply does not do what he does not want to do, then this cannot be called negativism. Negativism manifests itself in the unwillingness to do something just because it was suggested by adults. It is a reaction to the proposal itself, not to an action. Negativism manifests itself in relation to one person, and a baby of three years old will treat the rest of the adults with obedience.

The second symptom of the three-year crisis is stubbornness, which must also be learned to distinguish from persistence.

If a child persistently achieves the fulfillment of his desire, then this cannot be called stubbornness. The motive for the real stubbornness of the crumbs can be persistence, and the object can be anything from food to action. The child is ready to perform the action not because he really wants to, but because he demanded it. For example, they call a boy to the table, and a small family member refuses, although he really wants to eat. Adults argue and convince, but a stubborn person still does not fit, since he had already refused earlier.

Despotism is the desire of a baby to subordinate adults to her will.

This symptom manifests itself in a family where the parents have an only small child, and all adults pamper him, everyone allows. For example, a young daughter demands that the mother stay in the room and sit next to her. Or a three-year-old son will only eat what he wants, but refuses to eat healthy foods. With this, children are trying to return to the state of infancy, when their parents provided them with everything on demand. In a family with several children, despotism is expressed as jealousy.

The devaluation of events and actions, the importance of things is manifested in antics, name-calling, breaking toys: that is, the baby shows that he no longer needs what was previously dear to him.

The three-year-old is in constant conflict with others: this behavior is similar to protest. The lexicon of the baby is expanding every day, replenishing with bad words and terms meaning negation. As a rule, they refer to things that do not bring trouble at all.

Obstinacy is also one of the unpleasant symptoms of a crisis in a small three-year-old offspring.

Obstinacy is impersonal. If negativism is directed specifically against a particular adult, then obstinacy is aimed at all the actions that are offered to the baby.

Rebellion manifests itself in the desire to attract more attention.

The three-year-old baby tries to show her parents that his desires have the same weight as their own, so she goes into conflict over any reason. Parents sometimes think that the baby is simply mocking them, constantly commanding and demanding that their, even the most ridiculous, instructions be followed.

The crisis of three years clearly expresses the desire of the little offspring for independence.

The child shows curiosity, learns new things, tries to understand incomprehensible things, which subsequently has a beneficial effect on the formation of his personality. However, the negative aspects of the symptom are that the baby wants to take on adult affairs, which at three years do not work out at all, and the result of everything is hysterics.

How it manifests itself and how long does the crisis last 3 years

Why does a crisis occur at the age of three? The development of a small person continues continuously, and from infancy, the baby smoothly passes into adolescence. He already knows how to do many things on his own, but is not yet able to completely do without his parents. It is not easy to get used to this, so a crisis is inevitable in three years. The kid simply does not know how else to overcome those new sensations that life presents. But how to painlessly reach a new level of development, parents should show their offspring.

The period of crisis of three years is marked by active internal work, when significant shifts in the mental development of the baby are outlined. The main neoplasm in this early period is the feeling of a sense of one's own "I". A small three-year-old man forms an attitude towards himself, and if a baby a year ago, seeing his own reflection, said: “This is Sasha,” then upon reaching three years, going to the mirror, he will definitely say: “This is me”.

A baby of three is just beginning to realize that he has grown out of infancy and is beginning to influence the circumstances of his life and the people around him. The younger member of the family already feels on a par with his parents, and therefore requires the same attitude as towards an adult. Tantrums happened even before the baby reached the three-year crisis, only they were signs of physiological problems:

overwork;
diseases;
malnutrition or lack of sleep.

During the three-year crisis, hysteria is manipulation. The kid on a subconscious level tries to get what he wants from his parents, especially children love the audience. It is not for nothing that adults have noticed that on the street, in a supermarket or on a playground, a child falls into hysterics much more often than at home. The more wisely the parents behave, the easier it will be for the little offspring to go through a teenage crisis later on.

How long the baby's crisis will last is impossible to guess. For some children, the age of crisis goes unnoticed, while others stay there for several years. A growing up man will face age thresholds more than once, but the three-year crisis is considered an important milestone on the path of personal growth. Wise parents simply wait out the crisis, because first of all, the burden falls on the psyche of their child.

What to do and how to get over it

Adults should prepare their offspring for a crisis of three years before the baby celebrates its third birthday.

The reaction to the whims of a younger family member should be calm and balanced.

You need to understand that a child during a crisis tests the nerves of his parents for strength. The crumb will constantly press on weak points until it finds weakness.

Moms and dads need to remember that a three-year crisis is not a manifestation of negative heredity or harmfulness of character, it is the norm ..

The formation of the personality of a future adult should not be hammered in with prohibitions. Going to the other extreme is also undesirable, because permissiveness will develop character traits in the little tyrant, with which it will not work out easily over the years.

You should not do for the kid those things that he seeks to do himself.

Everything that is not life-threatening, let the child try with his own hands, and if a couple of plates break in the process of learning about the world, it doesn't matter. Parental wisdom also lies in offering the little person a choice at the age of three. For example, offer the baby to go out in a black or blue jacket, knowing that the child may want to walk without it at all.

Adults need to stop forcing three-year-old offspring to do something: it is advisable to just ask - and the baby will immediately appreciate it.

A three-year-old baby still has a slow rhythm of life and a type of psyche, so he needs to be given more time to react, and to put any process into action. Wise tricks of parents will help prevent tantrums and keep the nerves of all family members, both small and large. It is better to seek advice and recommendations from a child psychologist at the age of three than to make a lot of mistakes in the educational process. Parents need to admit that their baby is becoming an adult, so his independence should be respected.

How to deal with whims

Psychologists believe: there is no greater force than the attention of parents. With the help of attention, all the problems that arise for the crumbs of three years during the crisis are solved. The behavior of children is aimed at those people who are constantly nearby, so whims are explained only by attracting attention to themselves. It is not that three-year-old children consciously want to drive their caregivers crazy, just, in their opinion, if you do not attract attention with bad behavior, then relatives can completely forget about the existence of the little person.

Before you react violently to disobedience, you should find out the real reason for the bad behavior of a young child. Children of three years old already have a subconscious need to avoid humiliation, which is felt during parental orders and moralizing. Perhaps this is the cause of the crisis? To punish after each tantrum is to develop cowardice and spinelessness in the child. Do you have a desire to educate such a person? It is much wiser to wait out the storm in silence, and then try to reach out to the offspring with the help of simple logic.

Three-year-old children already depend on how any information is presented to them and how logical the arguments look. To prevent hysterics during a crisis, it is important to be able to negotiate at the initial stage of any action. For example, even before going to the store, you should agree with a crumb about the impossibility of buying a toy. Not to demand and criticize, but to discuss and explain why this action will not take place. You also need to be sure to ask how to replace the desired toy and offer your own entertainment options in return.

So, to make it easier to cope with whims you need:

keeping calm;
remember that hysteria can be the cause of inattention;
offer the child to choose a strategy for solving the problem;
restrain and not show irritation;
find out the reason for the whims;
do not appeal to the mind of the baby in the midst of a scandal.

How to react to parents

Parents are especially worried about affective outbursts that occur in three-year-old children with great intensity. During a crisis, you should not pay too much attention to them: the right decision is to ignore the hysteria altogether, and then, seeing that the methods do not work, the little manipulator will look for more effective tactics to involve adults in his game. But sometimes ignoring doesn't work either.

There are small personalities who are capable of being in a state of passion for a long period of time, but the mother's heart cannot endure this for a long time. An effective way to get your child out of hysteria will be pity: to hug him, put him on his knees, pat him on the head - this always works flawlessly. But mom should know that in this way her winner will continue to influence, demanding additional portions of attention.

The crisis age of three years is the formation of an adequate self-esteem in a small person. It is established by trial and error, and adults must give the opportunity to make these mistakes in order to avoid many problems in the future. There is only one advice to parents: give your offspring as much freedom as possible. From the age of three, an independent little person should go his own way. Caregivers who restrict children's independence interfere with their development, creating a heightened sense of insecurity.

But this does not mean that it is necessary to condone the baby in everything during a crisis. The sweet spot in parenting is the definition of vetoed boundaries. For instance:

you can never play on the road,
you can't walk in cold weather without a hat,
you can not skip the sleepy hour during the day, etc.

Parents are simply obliged to give their three-year-old toddler the right to choose at least two options. A lot of valuable advice is described in the author's methodology of world famous psychologists D.B. Elkonin and V.V. Davydov.

Child psychology

The psychology of children of three years old is fundamentally different from that of an infant. Adults do not know how to react to all the changes that occur in the child's behavior. Such unpreparedness leads to disastrous results: conflicts in the family, in kindergarten, and later in the adult life of a growing person.

In addition to developing independence, children of three years old begin to be afraid of various things that they did not pay any attention to yesterday:

heights;
large space;
darkness;
new environment;
new people.

Inexplicable fear is expressed in the refusal to sleep alone, crying in a dream, or profuse tears in the middle of the night. It is important for moms and dads not to ignore this period and convince the offspring that he is under reliable protection. This approach will help build a bridge of trust for the little man, which will have a positive effect on subsequent attempts by adults in a crisis to come to terms with him.

A three-year-old child reacts sharply to the psychological situation in the family - scandals, swearing, raised tones. The reaction to such an atmosphere can be unpredictable, therefore it is very important for parents to maintain harmony in relations with each other when a small family member enters a crisis age. If children of three years old see quarrels in the family, then this will lead to a pronounced sense of their own inferiority, and subsequently to the use of the same style of behavior with the opposite sex already in adulthood.

Video: the crisis of three years - Dr. Komarovsky

Children's doctor Komarovsky knows exactly how to get a three-year-old child out of the crisis age correctly without any special emotional losses, and see his advice in this video: