How to attract love? I am worthy of love! I am not worthy of love

03.05.2019

Hello. Perhaps my problem will not seem serious, and I’m just exaggerating ... but I can’t live like this anymore. Although I have parents who love me (!) (though they are divorced, but this happened 5-6 years ago) , apartment, etc., but I have had constant depression since childhood. I have always been closed, not sociable, a pessimist ... they were constantly telling me about their relationship, but I have nothing to tell ... But the point is not that I would like to brag, prove something to someone or tell someone, I just want a relationship. I don’t understand what not so ... I read Osho's books, and I really agree with a lot of things in this book ... It says that you first need to love yourself, and in general be an egoist ... And I have such periods in my life when I I really love myself, but they always don't last long... And I start to get the impression that I'm not worthy of love... But thoughts are material... I know how de act to be happy, but I no longer have the strength, desire and faith ... I lost it all ... Only my parents need me, and I understand that this should be appreciated, and I'm so ashamed that I'm lying to them ..., but I want to be needed not only by them. I can’t enjoy loneliness, I’m fed up with it ... I overate it. I want to be needed ... But I just exist. School-home ... I constantly feel inside emptiness. I can’t walk the streets. When I see couples or groups of friends, I get a lump in my throat. It feels like this will continue my whole life. Before, I could at least dream, now I don’t see the point. Almost the only thing that keeps me in this world is my parents. I don’t want to hurt them. Now I am writing this and crying
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Katya, age: 03/17/22/2011

Responses:

Katenka, dear, it's not worth your tears, believe me! Of course, this is important for you, but the problem is not that you are alone, but that you do not see the whole situation correctly. you are only 17 years old. and you fall into despair.
You know, it will be much worse if you hurry up and start a relationship with a young man, not being ready for them. After all, relationships are very difficult. ask your friends if they are so happy with young people, perhaps not the first in their life? they probably told you about what does not suit them, so learn from their mistakes, learn to understand yourself, because you are now preparing to meet your betrothed, who, God forbid, will become a spouse. And read less Osho there .... otherwise they teach a person selfishness, and Love is Sacrifice. Everyone is worthy of love, but everyone has their own way to it. Hold on, be strong, find yourself, and take your time. You will definitely have everything.
God bless you!

Radiant, age: 03/22/2011

Katenka, you are only 17! What lifelong loneliness are you talking about? Your life is just beginning, and it doesn't matter that your girlfriends already had or have some kind of relationship. Think about whether they are so happy with their boyfriends? Do you want the kind of relationship that usually happens at 17? Wouldn't this only make it worse for you? It is not for nothing that this bitter phrase has become winged: "It is better to be alone alone than alone together." As a rule, at this age, boys start relationships for the purpose of meaningless flirting, they are still learning to communicate with girls. Do you want to be an educational exhibit, can you stand this attitude towards yourself? You just need to wait a little. There will definitely be a person in your life who will carry you in his arms! Get a new haircut, dress in the brightest thing you have, smile and go for a walk - look at the sun outside the window, it's spring! Rejoice that you have wasted your heart on trifles, that it is open to feelings!

U.G.L.Y , age: 03/19/2011

If you go to college, start a new life!!! be open and positive, your story is exactly like mine. I’m waiting for admission and believe everything will be fine))

fallen, age: 16 / 22.03.2011

Katya, I had a similar situation: from childhood I lived only with my mother, believed that no one needed her but her, I saw the whole world in dark colors. There were even thoughts of suicide, although I understood how terrible it was. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 21! I was terribly complex about this, closed in on myself, I often had depression, etc. In the first year, on the advice of a friend, I confessed my love to the guy I liked, but he rejected me, because he liked the other. This made me even more depressed, I wanted to quit the institute because of this. Then I began to understand that the main thing is not that you have a boyfriend, but the main thing is that your loved one is nearby. Then I began to pray, to ask God (I had no hope for anyone else) for a loving spouse (after all, I set myself the goal of creating a strong family in the future). I can’t say that before that I didn’t believe in God at all, but I limited myself only to the thought “maybe there is something there.” A year has passed, and a guy met me - kind, smart, handsome (although I think that appearance is not the main thing). He didn't even have a girlfriend before me! I was very glad, and for the first time I realized that if I had a boyfriend before him, I would be somehow ashamed and uncomfortable in front of him. I don’t know, however, how our relations will develop further, but I learned a lesson from this - everything has its time. Katya, it is the Lord who keeps you from making mistakes. After all, you can meet a guy, but feel unnecessary and lonely (I know this from the example of my friends). You have loving parents, and this is happiness! Be patient, endure this test, and the greater your reward will be. There is a proverb: everything comes to those who know how to wait. And indeed it is! Katya, don't give up, everything will be fine! I really want you to be like this. God bless you!

Anya, age: 22 / 22.03.2011

Loving yourself and being selfish are two different things. When you love yourself, you love others, and vice versa, when you love other people, you begin to love yourself. That's how everything is connected.

Anya, age: 22 / 22.03.2011

Katya read these articles http://perejit.ru/main/zavisimist. You may find answers to some of your questions there. Everything will be fine! Happiness is not far away)

Marina_t, age: 19/22.03.2011

Hello Katya)))
You can't even imagine how happy you are!
I understand your situation)) so you want love, but it is not and is not there ... you wait, you wait ... you get to know someone, and not that ...
you say you're fed up with loneliness. Katya, you don't even know what loneliness is yet. and thank God))
Katya, my advice to you, stop looking at this situation in such a plane.
rename it from loneliness to freedom! and when you realize that you are not alone, but free, when you begin to enjoy the fact that you are self-sufficient, that you are a whole person, you feel happiness from waiting for HIM, not exchanging for intrigues and piece relationships, then HE and will appear. believe)) checked.
do not be sad, I am sure that everything will be with you, and when, it depends on you.
and smile more often, because smiling girls like more than sad ones))

svetlana, age: 03/29/2011

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Into your life and open your heart to a new love! We'll talk about the second step for clearing space...

The second clearing step is to let go of the mindset that being in a relationship is painful, dangerous, scary.

Very often, a negative attitude prevents us from entering a serious relationship, that men bring pain into our lives, that relationships in a couple are necessarily associated with humiliation, betrayal, that in the end he will leave us anyway.

Sometimes it doesn’t let us into new relationships, nor does it let men near us. Those. men may appear, but since we have a setting that men = pain, relationships in a couple = pain, then we provoke it ourselves, and when this happens, we say: “I knew it. Again I stumbled upon the same thing.”

How your mind works

It is very important to begin to see how your consciousness works, to begin to notice that at this stage your thoughts about relationships in a couple, about how a man lives together with a woman together, about how relationships develop, are more negative than positive.

For example, you hear from your married women you know only negative stories about their relationship with their husbands. No married woman, perhaps, tells you what are the charms in their relationship, what wonderful moments there are, how many pleasant things there are - but there is a story about some kind of conflict.

And you get the impression that something painful is bound to happen when you are married. In fact, the conflict can last one day, and all other days are filled with amazing moments of intimacy, love, support, care, attention, some kind of family rituals, but this is simply not the point.

In addition, you may find that you reflect more on unrequited love. One of my clients listens to music a lot, and after consulting with me, she listened to her records and said to me: “Listen, almost all the songs in my collection are about unrequited love. I walk, listen, sing them, I feel these feelings. Why do I keep inside myself the image that love is unhappy?

So our consciousness is constantly reinforced in this direction: pain, suffering, experiences - this is exactly what relationships with men are like. All this suggests that while your mind is dominated by the setting that a relationship in a couple is pain in the broadest sense of the word, something negative.

Reveal negative attitudes
that bother you

The first step is to find these negative attitudes, to become aware of them.

Another very serious topic is attitudes that are transmitted by gender. If the mother was divorced, the grandmother also suffered from men - there is a subconscious tribal loyalty or devotion.

A conscious rejection of the attitudes that exist in your family helps here. Not rejection from your mother and grandmothers - you stay with your mother and grandmother, you simply refuse their attitudes, their thoughts about men and marriage.

After all, you know for sure that both mother and grandmother would like you to be happy, that they will be very happy if you are happy in family life. Therefore, you need to remain connected in love with your grandmother and mother, but with new attitudes.

Stress can also be related to self-esteem.

For example, many women subconsciously fear that they will be abandoned. This may be due to past relationships or other unconscious manifestations, but very often behind all these negative attitudes there is one simple thought: "I am not worthy of love."

The first step is to discover it, see that it is just a thought, and then do whatever you can to free yourself from those thoughts. You can even write them out, look at this paper and say to yourself: “These are just letters on paper, these are just thoughts that I launched into my head, and for now I believe in it.”

Doubt this thought
well, is that true?

Tell yourself: " I can handle feeling relaxed around a man. I know that I am a beautiful woman and worthy of love. I have features and shortcomings, mistakes. I can negotiate with my man and find those moments that will help us to exist well together.". The more of your shortcomings you will accept, the more you will be able to accept the shortcomings of a man.

Another step that you can take in this direction is to start everything that is connected with men, with relationships in a couple, especially with pleasure.

Consciously reinforce positive moments: I hear a song about happy love" or " I hear a story about my friends, how they found a common language, how they got closer, understood each other».

Sometimes it’s enough just to keep the thought inside yourself that men are so good, and being in a long-term, family, real relationship is so sweet, so great, it’s nice, interesting, despite any moments that sometimes happen.

And you can, in general, cope with many situations simply by taking certain steps, accepting support, finding answers, the main thing is not to give up! Use these simple steps to attract love into your life!

Irina Petrova
(www.irinapetrova.ru)

Imagine a lonely woman who can't seem to find a mate. And smart, and beautiful, but no man. And not because she's too picky, no. It's just that life does not reduce her to men. At all. Home work. Work home. Women's team and a cat. What is the reason? There may be several, but one of them is reenactment of the scenario "I am not worthy of love".

Or the woman is not alone at all, she is married. But there is no happiness in family life. No happiness, no love. The husband is generous only with rude words, sometimes he can wave his hand. She cries into her pillow at night and keeps thinking, why does she have such a life? And the whole thing again in the scenario "I'm not worthy of love".

It is reproduced unconsciously, a woman may not understand that she considers herself unworthy of female happiness.

Or she becomes dependent on a man. Grabs him with a stranglehold, strangles and demands love. Requires attention. Care. And then suffers from the fact that he left. What does he change. Or what he drinks.

The husbands of women who reproduce the scenario “I am not worthy of love” always earn little, their family has a constant lack of money, which increases dissatisfaction and claims to each other.

And also, if such a woman is not married and free, she can “go hand on hand”, deserving the love of all males, surprising them with the art of love pleasures.

There are many options for the development of the fate of such women, but they all have one thing in common - unhappy eyes, tears, suffering and dissatisfaction with life. It is important to identify this scenario in time, get to the bottom of its roots and responsibly change it.

Where are the roots of this destructive program "I am not worthy of love?".

Most often in the family. We were brought up at a time when self-love was considered selfish, and the love of parents manifested itself only when we behaved well and did what was asked of us. In this case, we were praised, encouraged, hugged and called a good girl. If we remained ourselves, showed our character, expressed disagreement with our parents or allowed ourselves negative emotions, we were scolded, punished, and scolded. At such moments, we understood that they do not love us, and in order to be loved, we need to make efforts and deserve this love. And just like that, without exploits and accomplishments, there is nothing to love us for. I just don't deserve love. That's when this setup was born, that's when the program started. In childhood.

Since then, we have been trying to earn love, become good girls, succeed, achieve something in life. Get out of the skin to show others and in particular men how good we are.

Imagine what kind of energy such a woman has? Either cold and sharp, which repels potential men, or the energy of the victim - a poor and unfortunate person, who is usually attracted to tyrants and despots, alcoholics and losers. It's not all about karma, fate prepared by higher powers, but about a woman's attitudes, her opinion about herself.

If you recognized yourself in the article, then you just need to stop the “I am not worthy” scenario. How to do it? You can find answers in the following articles:

I am worthy of love

To love means… I remember how I used to read this newsletter by Tatyana Kandalova and thought about what it means to me to love and to be loved?

At one time for me, as for many other women, to love meant giving, and the more the better. It's so cool to do so many things for a loved one. And to be loved meant to be understood, when a man understands what is happening, can predict something, anticipate something, and if not, then he does not love. Until I realized that there might be nothing in common between one and the other.

Everyone has their own understanding of love. Many of them are illusory, many have developed in the course of life, and many are simply impossible and require revision.

But lately, I hear the expression “unconditional love” a lot, especially from… men who are on the path of self-development or the spiritual path. They all say that one must love unconditionally and nothing else. To which I had a question: if it is necessary to love, then is it love? :-)

And unconditional love gives, does not ask for anything in return, it just exists, etc. And this phrase is often taken literally, that as a result, the following situation develops in a relationship: I give, I give, I give, I give ... all / all is so good, and the other ... claims, dissatisfaction, resentment appear inside, but most importantly - misunderstandings, I love you, I do everything right, why is this with me ???

Someone begins to think that he gives little, begins to give more and more, then there is emptiness, disappointment and even impotence, because the internal source has been exhausted.

Someone blames the other, someone blames himself, they say, I'm bad, since I didn't wait for anything in response, and closes in on myself.

Then the opposite situation arose: in relation to me, the man gave, gave, and apart from that he did not want to hear anything. Of course, I was pleased, a natural desire arose after gratitude for something pleasant in return, but I could not do this, and at first I really wanted, tried, tried, and then completely stopped even wanting.

That's when I realized that the same thing happened to me when I gave, gave, gave in a relationship. I blocked acceptance by focusing on what I need to give, and the more the better - this is how I showed and expressed my love, and it is also considered good. Until everything just started to fall apart.

When there is a strong bias, then a crisis occurs in the relationship, and if the bias intensifies, then as a result, the relationship is broken.

In fact, Love gives birth to harmony (and/or is born in harmony).

If we take the meaning of harmony as balance, balance, then what happens in our case in relationships? – The balance of acceptance and return.

Thus, I give love expressed in certain ways and I receive love expressed towards me.

And in this case, it becomes completely incomprehensible why unconditional love (given to another) cannot receive love towards oneself? After all, the latter is also natural.

In my opinion, unconditional love is, first of all, the absence of love manipulation, when people simply use it for their own purposes.

Like, yeah, I'm everything to you ... if you love me, then you will ... if you are like that, then I will love you, and if not ...

Often this is learned from childhood, when a child hears: you will be good, we will love you, give sweets and toys, and if you are bad and naughty, then no one likes such girls (and boys), they are taken away by a big uncle and something bad does with them. :-)

In fact, these are the deepest wounds, and they are inflicted just by conditional love, because. the child understands that he is loved only when he is like this and like this, and when he is different, they do not love him, and therefore, he cannot be himself and rejects himself (some part of himself) in order to ensure the satisfaction of a basic need : to be loved.

The most basic need of a person and his basic right from birth is to be loved for who he is. All children expect to be loved for nothing, not for being smart, talented, and very obedient.

In this regard, I like the approach of Alena Starovoitova, who tells her daughter: I love you very much, but this behavior of yours (deed, words) annoys me terribly or does not like it. In this case, she does not “hit” her daughter, saying how bad she is (no child wants to be bad, even those who always behave badly), but analyzes a specific situation that has arisen and that does not suit someone.

In fact, it turns out that we are used to being manipulated by love in relation to us, and we learn this and continue to do so ourselves in life. Or vice versa, as a result of trauma, the child decides for himself not to act like his parents, to love only unconditionally. And the last subconscious understands how to give and, for example, act only well in relation to someone (here everyone has their own options).

And then in life it turns out that we cannot accept love. We remake ourselves, change ourselves in order to become worthy of love, deserve love, and somehow get it. And then we solve the issues of self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and self-realization.

It turns out that the basic function is broken - a person cannot accept love as it is. He/she needs to be someone else for this, because of this he rejects himself and, therefore, cannot accept himself as he is and love himself.

Many do not see a way out of this vicious circle:

- I want love - I try to get it from outside / from others - for this I need some kind of (beautiful, successful, talented) - I reject myself, I'm not like that - I don't accept myself - I don't like myself the way I am I am.

- I want love - I try to love myself - but I see my shortcomings - I do not feel worthy - I deny something in myself - I cannot love myself for who I am.

There are many such chains. I would like you to no longer walk in a vicious circle and accept primarily for yourself, declaring:

I deserve love the way I am

Right now, not someday. Feel this phrase using all your senses. Yes, maybe you have a bunch of some blocks, complexes, self-sabotaging programs, but that doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of love and that you don’t need to be respected for who you are, even with such blocks.

You can also open your heart, put this phrase into your heart, be filled with it and radiate from your heart. Just live and feel it all the time. If you don’t feel, then you can just imagine how there is such a door in the space of the heart, you open it, put in a phrase and it starts to glow, vibrate at a new frequency “I am worthy of love”, sending a completely new program to the brain, all cells of the body and then imagine as if it already exists, as if you are already worthy. After a while, situations in life will begin to unfold in a new way.

Why does it work? Because when a person feels worthy of love inside, he opens up to acceptance. He begins and can already easily accept compliments, gifts, kind attitude towards himself from others, synchronicity, when you just think - it already manifests itself in life, you meet the right people, everything works out, good luck, money and more comfortable living conditions, etc. .

Accept, and for example, do not deserve, do not postpone until the moment in the future when you become good in order to accept, do not punish yourself. For example, I used to punish myself for unexpected good luck, but I didn’t deserve it, I didn’t do anything, didn’t work hard to get this good luck, and therefore in various ways I deprived myself of successful acquisitions or made it so that I had to work for this, strain and then just accepted.

It seems that in the laws of the universe, I told you that in order for something to appear in life, you need to feel worthy of it inside. But above all, it is important to always remember and feel that you are worthy of love the way you are (for all times and occasions).

With wishes of Love and grandiose Prosperity, Evgenia Medvedeva

I am worthy of love

To love means... I remember how I used to read this newsletter by Tatyana Kandalova and thought, what does it mean to me to love and to be loved?

Everyone has their own understanding of love. Many of them are illusory, many have developed in the course of life, and many are simply impossible and require revision.

But lately, I've heard the expression "unconditional love" a lot, especially from... men who are on the path of self-development or the spiritual path. They all say that one must love unconditionally and nothing else. To which I had a question: if it is necessary to love, then is it love? :-)

And unconditional love - gives, does not ask for anything in return, it just exists, etc. And this phrase is often taken literally, that as a result, the following situation develops in a relationship: I give, I give, I give, I give ... all / all so good , and the other ... claims, dissatisfaction, resentment appear inside, but most importantly - misunderstandings, I love you, I do everything right, why is it so with me ???

Someone begins to think that he gives little, begins to give more and more, then there is emptiness, disappointment and even impotence, because the internal source has been exhausted.

Someone blames the other, someone blames himself, they say, I'm bad, since I didn't wait for anything in response, and closes in on myself.

When there is a strong bias, then a crisis occurs in the relationship, and if the bias intensifies, then as a result, the relationship is broken.

In fact, Love gives birth to harmony (and/or is born in harmony).

If we take the meaning of harmony as balance, balance, then what happens in our case in relationships? - The balance of acceptance and return.

Thus, I give love expressed in certain ways and I receive love expressed towards me.

And in this case, it becomes completely incomprehensible why unconditional love (given to another) cannot receive love towards oneself? After all, the latter is also natural.

In my opinion, unconditional love is, first of all, the absence of love manipulation, when people simply use it for their own purposes.

Like, yeah, I'm everything to you ... if you love me, then you will do it ... if you are like that, then I will love you, and if not ...

In fact, these are the deepest wounds, and they are inflicted just by conditional love, because. the child understands that he is loved only when he is like this and like this, and when he is different, they do not love him, and therefore he cannot be himself and rejects himself (some part of himself) in order to ensure the satisfaction of a basic need : to be loved.

The most basic need of a person and his basic right from birth is to be loved for who he is. All children expect to be loved for nothing, not for being smart, talented, and very obedient.

In this regard, I like the approach of Alena Starovoitova, who tells her daughter: I love you very much, but this behavior of yours (deed, words) annoys me terribly or does not like it. In this case, she does not "hit" her daughter, saying how bad she is (not a single child wants to be bad, even those who always behave badly), but analyzes a specific situation that has arisen and that does not suit someone.

Many do not see a way out of this vicious circle:

I want love - I try to get it from outside / from others - for this I need some kind of (beautiful, successful, talented) - I reject myself, I'm not like that - I don't accept myself - I don't like myself the way I am eat.

I want love - I try to love myself - but I see my shortcomings - I do not feel worthy - I deny something in myself - I cannot love myself for who I am.

There are many such chains. I would like you to no longer walk in a vicious circle and accept primarily for yourself, declaring:

I deserve love the way I am

With best wishes, Evgenia Medvedeva

How your mind works

Reveal negative attitudes that bother you

Doubt this thought well, is that true?

Reveal negative attitudes
that bother you

Doubt this thought
well, is that true?