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What to do if a man left

"Help, my husband left me!". Girls often come to me with this problem. But what is strange is that we start beating the drums when the kidneys have already fallen off and confidently slipped into shorts. So much has been said and talked about in our time that it is necessary to learn psychological literacy, but young ladies with the stubbornness of a donkey continue to believe that happiness is an ephemeral concept, and most importantly, drag a man to the registry office, and then, as they say, we'll figure it out. Baaaaaaa big mistake. After Mendelssohn's march, all the "most interesting" begins. “Through” me “passes” a huge number of stories of divorced women. And no matter how you growl at me now, I declare: situations where “a man is a goat and a woman is a fool” are much, much less common than situations where “a man is a fool and a woman is a goat”.

But today is not about that. Today we will talk about what to do if the husband did leave and where to find the strength to live on.

First things first, remember, you can't keep a person who doesn't want to be "kept." Most of the time, men don't joke about things like that. It is the prerogative of women: “I'm leaving! I almost left! I'm almost, almost gone!" and so on. By the way, it can work for the first, well, maximum for the second time. In the three hundred and fifty-seventh it will no longer be interesting. Therefore, treat the manipulation of "withdrawals", as well as the manipulation of tears, as heavy artillery. Don't waste your ammo. And be prepared for the fact that if you tell him "I'm leaving!" in the hope that your counterpart will tear your shirt, trying to keep you, he will happily clap his hands and wish you good luck on the road.

So, to our sheep. If he left, do not try to return him or keep him. Don't call or text him. Do not find out from mutual acquaintances how he is there, what he is doing, whether anyone has appeared with him. Kindly leave him alone. We will find something for you to do for this time (read below), but you should not annoy him and poison your soul, today, with information that is unnecessary for you. This happened. Take it as a fact. And learn to live with it.

Your task is to survive. It's normal if after his departure you have depression, a bad mood, insomnia, tearfulness, and in general life is not nice. Again, THIS is OK. You are a living person! I have gone through 2 divorces. And nothing. As time passed, I only thanked God that these “harn boys” fell off my life THEN. It is possible that this is your case too. Give yourself time. The only moment - do not tie. I don't like to suffer for centuries. I prefer to burn myself to the ground and move on, because no penis in this world deserves me to "groan" my life into a pillow. Are there motorists among my readers? You will understand better. If you drive slowly, without sudden jerks and movements, there is enough gasoline to get to Kyiv. But as soon as you start to press the trigger all the way, the fuel is consumed much faster. I do the same with my grief.

I can cry, fight in hysterics, tear photos to shreds, curse, remember, stay in bed, suffer to the maximum. To suffer so that even my hair is saturated with my misfortune. But in this rhythm, I can suffer a limited amount of time. Very limited for you to understand. Then I get up, dust myself off and move on. The second option: you can quietly whine into your pillow every day, while pretending that everything is fine, but this can take years. Do we need it?! Absolutely not!

Get out in public more. I already wrote about this in my article. Chat with friends (your own, not his). Go to the gym - exercise, no matter how trite it may sound, helps to survive mental anguish.

After a while, you will feel that you are ready to analyze your relationship. You must understand what mistakes you made and why, what scenarios you work out, what models you reproduce.

Traditionally, a lyrical digression. In each article of my blog, I still rely on adequate, normal people, because if you lived with an asshole or a brain peck, it’s often not your fault. If this is one of these characters, then he would have left anyway, even if you were even gray-brown-crimson speckled. This is their nature. Their essence. The maximum that you can count on with such men is episodic(maybe not even a bad) moment in your life. If you have progressed with him beyond the “episode” (family, children), then you will have to teach your children to communicate with the “Sunday dad” and periodically see his “cat concerts” yourself.

So, if you have difficulty with an objective assessment of your relationship - go for help to friends, a priest, a psychoanalyst, a coach, in other words, a person "from the outside" who can look at your situation with an open mind. If you skip this point, and actively “flutter” into other relationships, most likely your situation will repeat itself. In the language of psychologists, this is called "cyclicality". One of my acquaintances has two (so far two) children from different women, whom he successfully divorced at one time. “Experience is the son of difficult mistakes” taught him nothing. You don't have to be Sigmund Freud to understand one simple truth: "if the third husband hits in the face, it's not the husband, but the face." In other words, if he does not analyze the situation, he will remain in his old age with prostatitis, adenoma, impotence and alimony.

And finally, the last one. Learn to forgive. This is necessary so that you can move on - no more and no less. Resentment corrodes us from the inside worse than a cancerous tumor. Therefore, take a pen, write down:

“My dear, I forgive, bless and release you to your highest good, to friends, to a neighbor, to a girlfriend, to work, to the army, to a mistress, to business trips, to ex-wives ... wherever your eyes look.”

Repeat this to yourself often. Over time, you will feel that you have really let go of the situation and your faithful along with it.

When relationships are just starting to develop, partners seem to be perfect for each other, and love for each other is endless. But more often it happens that someone decides to end the relationship. Basically, these are men. How can a girl survive a breakup with dignity?

The girl is going through a breakup very hard, especially if the first man left. At such moments it is not clear what to do, how to continue to live. There is no experience, since this is the first gap. To begin with, psychologists advise the girl to cry, to speak out to someone about her mental pain. Women are very emotional beings, and when they have some kind of grief, they first need to throw out all their emotions outward.

Experts even offer to shout, throw a tantrum, tear up photographs of a man who has left. True, this must be done in such a way as not to interfere with others. After the woman has cried and spoken out, she calms down. Now you can move on to the next step. You need to delve into yourself, in your character. Sad as it may seem, but perhaps it was the character that became the starting point for the breakdown of relations.

Women are by nature quite self-critical. But at the same time, they do not like to look for any shortcomings in themselves, if you need to look for the guilty. But in vain, just the ability to express one's guilt, to take it upon oneself, would save many relationships. Men just get bored that women are so proud, they don’t know how to admit they are wrong. They get tired of taking the first step towards a meeting, they stop feeling like the stronger sex, and therefore they go to look for another object, not as stubborn as it was before. And the girl is left alone, but with her pride.

Experts say that love lives for three years. And statistics say that 75% of couples break up after they've been dating for three years. Perhaps, after this time, fate is preparing some kind of test, and those who could not stand it leave.

Another reason that is important for men is problems in sex. If he is not satisfied in bed with his girlfriend, or she is not relaxed with him, he will feel it, then he will start to move away. Maybe it will start to change. And then he will realize that he is no longer so good with her in bed, and there is no point in meeting further, he will leave.

What to do if a man left you? What to do, the man threw, how to survive this?

After a woman has thrown all her emotions out and calmed down, she will still have heartache, emptiness. She will be lonely, sad, life will lose its meaning. Psychologists do not advise immediately starting to look for a new love, otherwise there will be constant comparisons with an old partner, and this will only aggravate the situation. You just need to accept the fact that the man is gone and will not return.

Yes, it's a shame, it hurts self-esteem, but it's a fact, you can't run away from it. At these moments, it is recommended to do something. For example, you can change the situation, for example, go on a trip. Or find some hobby that will take a lot of time. You can come to grips with your studies or work, or have a good time with friends. You can change your appearance, sign up for a gym, go dancing. There are many options, the main thing is to distract yourself with something, to force your brain not to think that the man is gone.

Usually men who leave their girlfriends end up regretting this act. Especially when they see the former life partner again. It is a fact. Psychologists say that about 54% of males think so. Reassuring clarification.

If a woman is abandoned by a man, life does not end there. A certain stage in life just ends and a new one, better than the previous one, begins. If a girl remembers these words forever, then she will endure parting much easier.

Hello, Oksana Alexandrovna!

Yes. You touched him well and, most likely, fairly.

Your husband, as far as it is possible to understand from your description, belongs to a fairly authoritarian type of men. He is the leader. The owner of the business, or - holds a managerial position. He needs to be listened to...

In order for you to have a better understanding of the situation ... You hurt his self-esteem very painfully. With this phrase: “He is sick in the head and he needs to be treated. And, most likely, there is some truth in this. That is, his behavior was not very reasonable or inconsistent at that moment. The fact is that such a warehouse of a man most of all endure a blow to self-esteem. And you, apparently, caused him hellish pain, so much so that he repaid you in kind.

And with this phrase, he told you very valuable information about himself, that "You killed his love." This information is valuable in the sense that now you know and will be able to understand “where his love is ...” That is, what is a manifestation of love for him ... What he expects from you. And what he, on the contrary, is completely intolerant of. Such relationship crises are sometimes useful precisely because they allow you to better know a person as he really is. Despite the fact that you lived together for quite a long time, but not everyone fully knew about him what kind of person he was ... and now you know a little more.

As a rule, a not very pleasant quality of men of such a warehouse is that it is easier for them to “change a woman” or wife than to maintain their previous relationship. Although, you say, he is not a womanizer, but such men are usually successful with women. And therefore it is easier for them to change a woman than to build relationships; because they have a choice. This, of course, is not a very pleasant quality for women.

However, he lived with you for these 10 years, and this is important. That these 10 years he chose you. I think he will still go away ... Although, maybe not right away.

You, on your part, can wisely apply this knowledge about him that you now have in order to return your husband and restore your relationship. He gave out a lot of valuable information about himself in the course of your recent communication ... In a sense, maybe more than in all these 10 years. And he allowed you to know yourself better... And, most likely, he will say something valuable in the near future. Be careful.

This is a very accurate reaction of yours, precisely for the purpose - to return it. What you wrote: “such a state makes you want to run to him and fall on your knees.”

Literally, you shouldn't do that. This, of course, would dramatically raise his self-esteem, but it is not good in other respects. So literally you don't have to. Although - this is in a very right direction. There is a lot of truth in this. But literally, it's not necessary.

What do you need to do now? This is to support his self-esteem in every possible way. That is, let him know that he is valuable to you. You respect him. He is on a pedestal for you. You have many keys to it - they have accumulated over these 10 years. And you should select and use those that support his self-esteem, demonstrate his value to you. That you listen to him, yes. And do it for a while, in your fellowship. Maybe even a little exaggerated. For a while... Then there's a chance. You understand, not a 100% guarantee, of course ... But there is a good chance that he will still return to his place. Everything will settle down.

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "Hello, Oksana Aleksandrovna! Yes. You hit him well and, most likely, fairly. Your husband, n ..." to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

Discuss with an expert

Sooner or later, people have to part with relatives and friends. Due to the strong emotional attachment, the breakup inflicts strong emotional wounds. Due to the peculiarities of the work of the nervous system, it is especially difficult for women to experience parting. After the guy left them, they lose all meaning in life and do rash acts. But all the grief and sadness of the breakup is an illusion that women themselves have created for themselves.

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Why does it hurt to break up?

For most women, breaking up with a guy is a tragedy. At the same time, the relationship could last both several years and a couple of months. For each guy, girls build hopes and plans, and as a result of their collapse, a period of despair and grief begins. Many during this period begin to believe in true love, which disappeared from their lives along with an ex-boyfriend.

In order to survive a breakup, you need to give up unnecessary emotions and look at the situation from a real point of view. Love and falling in love are different concepts that only at first glance have much in common. In order for a feeling of love to arise in a relationship, it will take a lot of work, and the couple needs to live together for more than one year.

In favorable relationships, people develop and contribute to each other in this. In the presence of sincere light feelings, the couple does not encounter such emotions as sadness, sadness, anger and hatred. Love is meant to build, not to destroy. Two loving people care, show attention and trust in a two-way manner. They develop as separate individuals, and their interests do not go to the detriment of each other.

If a girl began to live the life of a guy for him, you need to run away from such a relationship. This is not love, but emotional dependence or strong affection. In this way, showing her bright and sincere feelings, the girl destroys both herself and the guy. She does not develop as a person and does not give her partner the right to a free existence. She begins to place all her hopes and plans on him, control behavior and accepts attempts to change a person, which is unusual for true love.

Parting for a developed and independent personality is not a trauma, but an experience. Each person appears in life for a reason. Even unfavorable relationships teach people and provide an opportunity to move to the next level. In the future, the girl will be able to find a new partner who will be better than the previous one, but relations with him will not be immune from parting. A woman should value herself as a person and be ready to break the warmest relationship. This will help to avoid a number of rash acts, tears and depression and live well on.

Annoying husband

How to start living again?

The whole process of parting takes place in several stages, which have their own characteristics. These include:

  • Negation. Immediately after the breakup, the girls subconsciously deny what happened. Mentally, they blame themselves or their former partner and convince themselves that nothing bad happened. Some try to console themselves by devaluing the significance of the loss.
  • Outburst of emotions. Then the person begins to feel reality and experiences negative feelings - irritability, anger, anxiety, shame or shame. All negativity can be directed both at the former and at oneself.
  • Depression. After a splash of negativity, a person plunges into depression. He withdraws from the pain and feels empty inside. It is during this period that people do rash acts that they have to regret all their lives. At this stage, a person tries to find explanations for what happened and decides whether to renew the relationship or not.
  • Awareness. A new life begins with the realization and acceptance of the fact of parting. Gradually, a person begins to create a new plan of life, and his psyche adapts.
  • New life. No matter how sad the parting may be, sooner or later the woman comes back to life. There is an increase in self-esteem and self-worth, there is a new meaning to life. As a result of communication with other people and the emergence of hobbies and interests, the image of the departed person gradually disappears from the subconscious.

The duration of each stage in each case is individual - it can take either a couple of days or several years. It depends on the duration of the relationship and the state of the human nervous system. Many people find it difficult to accept the fact of separation, which is necessary in order to start a new life.

You should not hold back emotions and try to seem strong if you feel very bad at heart. You need to give yourself the opportunity to cry, speak out and get angry. All negative emotions and feelings can be expressed on paper and write a letter to the former, and then burn it. This is necessary to make room for new positive emotions. When you're depressed, don't shut yourself up. Every effort must be made to see the beauty of the world that surrounds. If there is no desire to change your life, you need to force yourself by applying willpower.

A woman needs to find new hobbies, meet people, change her image or just do what she loves. This is important so that the emptiness inside can be filled with positive emotions from the outside. Many women were able to climb the career ladder and achieve business success in the period after the breakup.

Gradually, there will simply be no time left to be sad and worry. The girl will be able to see all the beauty of the world again and start thinking about the future. The ex-man will no longer cause negative emotions. A woman will be able to understand that unsuccessful relationships have given her invaluable experience that will allow her to avoid mistakes in the future and behave more prudently with other men.

Changed the guy found out about it

If a man abandoned a pregnant woman

Some women try to tie the knot with the help of a child. But very often men even in the presence of the warmest relationship. Feeling abandoned is painful, and doubly so for pregnant women. But in this case it is impossible to succumb to depression - the woman is responsible not only for her, but also for the child that develops inside her.

Close family and friends who are loved and respected can replace a good psychotherapist. If relatives take on the role of mentors and visionaries, they blame the woman for what happened, it is better to refuse such help. You should not enter into the role of a victim and demand pity for yourself - this will only aggravate the psychological state. You need to learn how to cope with depression, excessive anxiety and stress on your own, and the advice of psychologists will help in this:

  • Do not be sad. All negative thoughts and feelings are transmitted to the unborn child and can affect his health and emotional state.
  • Hobby. You need to find a hobby that will help you spend your time usefully. It can be knitting, embroidery or foreign language classes.
  • Communication. Do not isolate yourself from friends and acquaintances. You need to call, communicate and meet, filling your life with new emotions.
  • Appearance. Nothing lifts your spirits like shopping, going to the hairdresser, or doing homemade beauty treatments.
  • Refusal of negativity. Thoughts are material, and any negativity and negative emotions must be abandoned.
  • Change in attitude. Everything needs to be easier. Breaking up with a guy made it possible to gain experience and start a new life.

Many women become discouraged and depressed when they are abandoned during pregnancy. At this time, male care and support is needed more than ever, but instead, the girl has to cope with everything on her own. Self-confident women do not try to return traitors, but direct all their efforts to assert themselves and ensure a worthy future for their child. They can be responsible for their choice and raise the child on their own.

If your man is texting other women

Rupture while serving in the army

Even the strongest love can end when a young man is serving in the army. Not only girls do not wait for their soul mates, but vice versa. The army is a test for a guy and often changes his worldview. Suspicious natures refuse to believe in the honesty of the girl and suspect her of infidelity.

The girls whom the guy left in the army should not make hasty conclusions and rash actions. Some guys test their girls this way to make sure their feelings are sincere. Other guys just take out the negativity on loved ones and stage a fictitious breakup. Such behavior speaks of the immaturity of a person and his selfishness. Whether it is worth continuing the relationship with him and trying to return, the girl must decide on her own.

The army changes some people so much that they completely lose interest in their former lover and begin to care only about themselves. Cases of the appearance of new novels through correspondence or calls are not excluded. It is necessary to take the choice of a partner calmly. If his attitude is a test, then he will return soon, but is it worth continuing to communicate with a person who upsets and upsets?

What to expect if you dreamed of separation from your loved one

Most often, dreams reflect a reality that a person refuses to perceive. A crack could form in a romantic relationship, but the girl refuses to believe in it. After waking up, it is important to think and mentally tune in to an unpleasant event that may occur in the near future.

Separation from the person you love in a dream warns of an unpleasant conversation or quarrel. If a girl is abandoned by her ex-boyfriend, soon the past will remind of itself. The presence of tears in a dream means that a person will need to make a choice between two temptations. The absence of tears speaks of separation without reproaches and reproaches.

Despite the unpleasant interpretation of sleep, the situation in reality can be resolved if the factors that interfere with normal relationships are eliminated. To create a strong and lasting relationship, it is important to work on yourself and contribute to the development of a partner. It is important to analyze the nature of the relationship over the last period and correct mistakes that could lead to separation.

Breaking up is never easy, regardless of who was the initiator - a woman or a man. Often during a breakup, people experience pain, depression, guilt, and self-pity. And you need to somehow survive this period, because in some cases nothing can be returned (and sometimes there is no point), and you need to continue to live, moving towards new events, meetings, relationships. And learn to be happy again.

In difficult times, there is no strength to think about it, but in general, the completion of previous relationships frees up space for the emergence of new ones! And breaking up a relationship, no matter how painful it may be, is sometimes the best solution to a situation.

What to do to make it easier to experience parting with a loved one? How to learn to love yourself after suffering pain?

So, if you are "thrown".

Perhaps this is one of the most difficult forms of parting - difficult, of course, for the "remaining", and not for the departed (although the departed is often not easy either). Psychology knows the algorithm for experiencing loss, according to which this experience usually occurs.

It consists of several stages:
1. Shock, denial.

Having received the news that a man "left the relationship", women are shocked and do not want to believe it. (This is how the protective forces of the psyche are manifested, which tries to protect us from very strong pain at such moments). Admitting to yourself that “a man left me” is very difficult and painful. But it is still important to gradually recognize the situation and accept it, despite the pain, in order to get through it to the future and to a new life.

It is clear that thoughts will arise about "how to return a man", "how to save love." It will be very bad! Crazy. With all thoughts and desires.

If you can’t cope alone, you need to seek psychological help - go to a psychologist’s consultation.
2. Anger.

This period comes after the time of shock, and the feeling of anger itself helps to stop blaming yourself for the loss and returns energy - i.e. acts soberingly and renewing. It is very important to understand during this period that what is happening to us is unfair to us. Not: “I’m bad” you need to say to yourself, but you need to support yourself and cheer yourself up with something, like: “We’ll break through, girl!”. Because life is unfair and there are events in it that are difficult to rationally explain. And certainly you should not explain them by your “not good enough behavior” or your unworthiness.

The man doesn't want you? Did he say he didn't like it? It turned out that there was a betrayal (or even more than one)? This happens. And all of the above sounds like a series of slaps in the face! But, dear girls, you have to take a hit! And even fight back! If you don't know how, learn! Can't do it on your own (lack of experience, fortitude, courage)? Go to psychological trainings, to psychological centers - study! Anger is very important here - it gives strength to fight back and live! Because it never happens that only one person is guilty of parting and breaking up relationships - no! There are always two to blame. Indeed, it is often different. For example, one drank and walked, while the other endured and did not defend himself (and thereby allowed himself to be mocked).

Remember - even if there is your fault in the gap, that is, after all - and not yours! And you wanted to be happy in these relationships, right?
3. Depression.

Anger is usually followed by a period of emptiness and depression. In fact, it is a time for awareness and deep reflection.

During this period, in order to pass it quickly enough and for the benefit of yourself, it is important to see the broken relationship in a new way:
Their rational component is the scheme. These relationship schemes (models) are standard and subject to analysis. It is very important to be able to do this. The psychology of relationships helps to understand this;
Understand in what and how it was necessary to take better care of yourself, while still in this relationship;
Recognize the boundaries that it would not hurt to set in time for the man with whom you enter into a relationship;
To hear your pain, which made you behave in a way that is not the best for you in these relationships, and even to understand its origins,

But only after all this comes acceptance - it often comes even with a feeling of gratitude to fate for trials and strengthening of character. And also for the sanity and wisdom that can be acquired by this moment.

5. There is another stage called "bargaining". This stage is characterized by reflections in the following vein: “Well, why did this happen to me? Perhaps if I do this and that, then I will be able to return the situation to its previous course? How to return the relationship?

All these stages of experiencing loss are conditional - feelings can return to the previous stage and again “go forward” several times. It is only important to remember that you do not have to "jump" immediately to acceptance - this does not bring healing, but is only a process of suppressing pain and hiding it in the subconscious.

If you are "thrown" and feel bad, cry, go to your friends who will not stop you, but will be able to listen, go to psychologists, think, read books. Learn to love yourself, do something nice for yourself - live! And the pain will pass! Necessarily! And in return, there will be wisdom and experience that will help you to be happy in the future!

If you "dropped"

I congratulate you - you are a strong person! Unless, of course, for you this is not a way to “run away” from any difficulties in relationships and is not a consequence of self-doubt, in which it is difficult for a person to defend his position, talk about his needs, etc., but it’s easier to “run away”. No matter how strong your feelings for a person are, but if the relationship does not add up, it is better not to waste time on them and “leave”.

How do you know if a relationship is working or not?

The fact is that, as has been said more than once on this site, love is both feelings and relationships. Here feelings can be very strong, but the relationship does not work out. For example, there are feelings, and the person to whom these feelings are is an alcoholic. Or a schizophrenic. Or a 15 year old boy. Or a woman (provided that you are also a woman). Or this person is a man, but married, and does not intend to divorce categorically. What relationship can then be built? some are possible, but will these relationships suit you?

Think. And if they don't, leave.

True, there are people who believe that with THEIR LOVE they will be able to change their chosen one and come with him to great happiness. An example of this mindset and behavior are the wives of alcoholics who believe all their lives that one day their husband will come to his senses and stop drinking. Their lives are terrible.

If it's just "love is gone".

And this is how it happens, unfortunately. There is respect, mutual understanding, but love is gone. Here, as a rule, no one is to blame, and there is no need to look for those guilty. By the way, the "leaving of love" is also a loss - it must be experienced! And then - to leave, keeping with the person, if possible, good relations. And go towards the new.