Funny stories about preschoolers. Best short stories for kids

15.10.2019

Notebooks in the rain

At recess, Marik says to me:

Let's get out of class. Look how good it is outside!

What if Aunt Dasha delays with briefcases?

Throw your briefcases out the window.

We looked out the window: near the wall it was dry, and a little further away there was a huge puddle. Don't throw your portfolios into the puddle! We removed the straps from our trousers, tied them together, and carefully lowered our briefcases over them. At this time, the bell rang. The teacher entered. I had to sit down. The lesson has begun. Rain poured outside the window. Marik writes me a note: "Our notebooks are gone"

I answer him: "Our notebooks are gone"

He writes to me: "What shall we do?"

I answer him: "What are we going to do?"

Suddenly they call me to the blackboard.

I can’t, I say, I can go to the blackboard.

“How, - I think, - to go without a belt?”

Go, go, I will help you, - says the teacher.

You don't need to help me.

Did you happen to get sick?

I'm sick, I say.

How about homework?

Good with homework.

The teacher comes up to me.

Well, show me your notebook.

What's happening with you?

You'll have to put in a two.

He opens the magazine and gives me a F, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.

The teacher gave me a deuce and calmly says this:

You are strange today...

How I sat under the desk

Only the teacher turned away to the blackboard, and I once - and under the desk. When the teacher notices that I have disappeared, he will be terribly surprised, probably.

I wonder what he'll think? He will ask everyone where I have gone - that will be laughter! Half a lesson has already passed, and I'm still sitting. “When, I think, will he see that I am not in the class?” And it's hard to sit under the desk. My back even hurt. Try to sit like this! I coughed - no attention. I can't sit anymore. Moreover, Seryozhka pokes me in the back with his foot all the time. I couldn't stand it. Didn't make it to the end of the lesson. I get out and say:

Excuse me, Pyotr Petrovich...

The teacher asks:

What's the matter? Do you want to board?

No, excuse me, I was sitting under the desk...

Well, how comfortable to sit there, under the desk? You were very quiet today. That's the way it's always been in class.

When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - a circle and T - a hammer. And that's it. I didn't know any other letters. And he couldn't read.

Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:

Now, now, granny, I'll wash the dishes for you.

And he immediately ran to the kitchen to wash the dishes. And the old grandmother forgot about her studies and even bought him gifts for helping with the household. And Gogin's parents were on a long business trip and hoped for a grandmother. And of course, they did not know that their son had not yet learned to read. But Goga often washed the floor and dishes, went for bread, and his grandmother praised him in every possible way in letters to his parents. And read aloud to him. And Goga, sitting comfortably on the sofa, listened with his eyes closed. “Why should I learn to read,” he reasoned, “if my grandmother reads aloud to me.” He didn't even try.

And in class, he dodged as best he could.

The teacher tells him:

Read it right here.

He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:

If you want, I'd better close the window so that it doesn't blow.

I'm so dizzy that I'm probably about to fall...

He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:

How is your health?

Bad, - said Goga.

What hurts?

Well then go to class.

Because nothing hurts you.

How do you know?

How do you know that? the doctor laughed. And he lightly pushed Goga to the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but he continued to evade.

And the efforts of classmates did not lead to anything. First, Masha, an excellent student, was attached to him.

Let's study seriously, - Masha told him.

When? Goga asked.

Yeah right now.

Now I will come, - said Goga.

And he left and didn't come back.

Then Grisha, an excellent student, was attached to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.

Where are you going? - asked Grisha.

Come here, - called Goga.

And here no one will interfere with us.

Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and immediately left.

No one else was attached to him.

As time went. He dodged.

Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book that she brought to her child.

Now every evening, - she said, - I will read aloud this wonderful book to my son.

Grandma said:

Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.

But the father said:

You really shouldn't have done it. Our Gogochka has grown lazy to such an extent that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.

And dad, along with grandma and mom, left for a meeting. And Goga was at first worried about the meeting, and then calmed down when his mother began to read to him from a new book. And even dangled his legs with pleasure and almost spat on the carpet.

But he didn't know what the meeting was! What did they decide!

So Mom read him a page and a half after the meeting. And he, dangling his legs, naively imagined that this would continue to continue. But when mom stopped at the most interesting place, he became worried again.

And when she handed him the book, he became even more excited.

He immediately suggested:

Come on, Mommy, I'll wash the dishes.

And he ran to wash the dishes.

He ran to his father.

The father strictly told him never to make such requests to him again.

He slipped the book to his grandmother, but she yawned and dropped it from her hands. He picked up the book from the floor and gave it back to his grandmother. But she again dropped it from her hands. No, she had never fallen asleep so quickly in her chair before! “Is it really,” thought Goga, “is she sleeping, or was she instructed at the meeting to pretend? Goga pulled her, shook her, but grandmother did not even think of waking up.

In desperation, he sat down on the floor and looked at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was going on there.

He brought the book to class. But classmates refused to read to him. Even more than that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly climbed under the desk.

Goga stuck to a high school student, but he flicked his nose and laughed.

That's what a home meeting means!

That's what the public means!

He soon read the whole book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go out for bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.

That's what's interesting!

Who is surprised

Tanya is not surprised by anything. She always says: "That's not surprising!" Even if it's surprising. Yesterday, in front of everyone, I jumped over such a puddle ... No one could jump over, but I jumped over! Everyone was surprised, except Tanya.

“Think! So what? It's not surprising!"

I tried my best to surprise her. But he couldn't be surprised. No matter how much I tried.

I hit a sparrow from a slingshot.

He learned to walk on his hands, to whistle with one finger in his mouth.

She saw it all. But she wasn't surprised.

I tried my best. What I didn't do! He climbed trees, walked without a hat in winter ...

She wasn't surprised at all.

And one day I just went out into the yard with a book. Sat down on a bench. And began to read.

I didn't even see Tanya. And she says:

Marvelous! That would not have thought! He reads!

Prize

We made the original costumes - no one else will have them! I will be a horse, and Vovka a knight. The only bad thing is that he should ride me and not me on him. And all because I'm a little younger. True, we agreed with him: he will not ride me all the time. He rides me a little, and then he gets down and leads behind him, like horses are led by the bridle. And so we went to the carnival. They came to the club in ordinary suits, and then changed and went out into the hall. I mean, we moved in. I crawled on all fours. And Vovka was sitting on my back. True, Vovka helped me - he touched the floor with his feet. But it still wasn't easy for me.

And I haven't seen anything yet. I was wearing a horse mask. I couldn't see anything at all, even though there were holes in the mask for the eyes. But they were somewhere on the forehead. I crawled in the dark.

Bumped into someone's legs. He ran into a convoy twice. Sometimes I shook my head, then the mask moved out, and I saw the light. But for a moment. And then it's dark again. I couldn't keep shaking my head!

I saw the light for a moment. And Vovka didn’t see anything at all. And all the time he asked me what was ahead. And asked to crawl more carefully. And so I crawled carefully. I didn't see anything myself. How could I know what was ahead! Someone stepped on my arm. I stopped right now. And he refused to move on. I told Vovka:

Enough. Get off.

Vovka probably liked the ride, and he didn't want to get off. He said it's still early. But still he got down, took me by the bridle, and I crawled on. Now it was easier for me to crawl, although I still could not see anything.

I offered to take off the masks and look at the carnival, and then put on the masks again. But Vovka said:

Then we will be recognized.

It's probably fun here, - I said. - Only we don't see anything ...

But Vovka walked in silence. He was determined to endure to the end. Get first prize.

My knees hurt. I said:

I will now sit on the floor.

Can horses sit? - said Vovka. - You're crazy! You are a horse!

I am not a horse, I said. You are a horse yourself.

No, you're a horse, - answered Vovka. - Otherwise we won't get a bonus.

So be it, - I said. - I'm tired.

Be patient, - said Vovka.

I crawled up to the wall, leaned against it and sat on the floor.

You sit? - asked Vovka.

I'm sitting, I said.

Well, okay, - Vovka agreed. - You can still sit on the floor. Just don't sit on a chair. Do you understand? A horse - and suddenly on a chair! ..

Music blared all around, laughing.

I asked:

Will it end soon?

Be patient, - said Vovka, - probably soon ...

Vovka also could not stand it. Sat on the sofa. I sat next to him. Then Vovka fell asleep on the couch. And I fell asleep too.

Then they woke us up and gave us a bonus.

In the closet

Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.

I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep.

I wake up - the class is quiet. I look through the crack - no one is there. He pushed the door, and it was closed. So I slept through the whole lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.

Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:

Eee! I'm in the closet! Help!

Listened - silence all around.

O! Comrades! I'm in the closet!

I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.

Who is yelling here?

I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner.

I rejoiced, I shout:

Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!

Where are you, dear?

I'm in the closet! In the closet!

How did you, dear, get there?

I'm in the closet, grandma!

So I hear that you're in the closet. So what do you want?

I was locked in a closet. Oh, grandma!

Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.

Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.

There is no one there, - said Pal Palych.

How not. Yes, - said Aunt Nyusha.

Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.

I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:

I'm here!

Who are you? asked Pal Palych.

I... Tsypkin...

Why did you climb up there, Tsypkin?

They locked me up... I didn't get in...

Um... He's locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet. Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?

How long have you been sitting there? asked Pal Palych.

Don't know...

Find the key, - said Pal Palych. - Fast.

Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw his face through the crack. He was very angry. He lit up and said:

Well! That's where the prank comes in. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?

I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, but I'm not there. As if I had never been there. They will ask me: “Were you in the closet?” I'll say, "I didn't." They will say to me: “Who was there?” I'll say, "I don't know."

But that only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow they will call my mother ... Your son, they say, climbed into the closet, slept there all the lessons, and all that ... as if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs hurt, my back hurts. One pain! What was my answer?

I was silent.

Are you alive there? asked Pal Palych.

Well, sit down, they will open soon ...

I am sitting...

So ... - said Pal Palych. - So you will answer me, why did you climb into this closet?

Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?

I wanted to disappear again.

The director asked:

Tsypkin, are you?

I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.

Aunt Nyusha said:

The class leader took the key.

Break open the door, - said the director.

I felt the door being broken - the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.

Well, come out, - said the director. And tell us what that means.

I didn't move. I was scared.

Why is he worth it? the director asked.

They took me out of the closet.

I was silent all the time.

I didn't know what to say.

I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...

carousel in the head

By the end of the school year, I asked my father to buy me a two-wheeled bicycle, a battery-powered submachine gun, a battery-powered airplane, a flying helicopter, and table hockey.

I so want to have these things! - I said to my father. - They are constantly spinning in my head like a carousel, and this makes my head spin so much that it is difficult to keep on my feet.

Hold on, - said the father, - do not fall and write all these things on a piece of paper for me so that I do not forget.

But why write, they already sit firmly in my head.

Write, - said the father, - it doesn't cost you anything.

In general, it costs nothing, - I said, - just an extra hassle. - And I wrote in large letters on the whole sheet:

WILISAPET

GUN-GUN

VIRTALET

Then I thought about it and decided to write “ice cream” again, went to the window, looked at the sign opposite and added:

ICE CREAM

Father read and says:

I'll buy you ice cream for now, and wait for the rest.

I thought he had no time now, and I ask:

Until what time?

Until better times.

Until what?

Until next year ends.

Yes, because the letters in your head are spinning like a carousel, this makes you dizzy, and the words are not on their feet.

It's like words have legs!

And I've already bought ice cream a hundred times.

Betball

Today you should not go outside - today is a game ... - said dad mysteriously, looking out the window.

Which? I asked from behind my father's back.

Wetball, - he answered even more mysteriously and put me on the windowsill.

A-ah-ah ... - I drawled.

Apparently, dad guessed that I did not understand anything, and began to explain.

Vetball is football, only trees play it, and the wind is driven instead of the ball. We say - a hurricane or a storm, and they are a wetball. Look how the birch trees rustled - they are giving them poplars ... Wow! How they swayed - it is clear that they conceded a goal, they could not hold the wind with branches ... Well, another pass! Dangerous moment...

Dad spoke just like a real commentator, and I, spellbound, looked out into the street and thought that vetball would probably give 100 points ahead to any football, basketball and even handball! Although I didn't fully understand the meaning of the latter...

Breakfast

Actually, I love breakfast. Especially if mom cooks sausage or cheese sandwiches instead of porridge. But sometimes you want something unusual. For example, today or yesterday. I once asked my mother for today, but she looked at me in surprise and offered an afternoon snack.

No, - I say, - I would just like today. Well, or yesterday, at worst ...

Yesterday there was soup for lunch ... - Mom was confused. - Would you like to warm up?

In general, I did not understand anything.

And I myself don’t really understand how these today’s and yesterday’s look and what they taste like. Maybe yesterday's people really do taste like yesterday's soup. But what then is the taste of today? Probably something today. Breakfast, for example. On the other hand, why are breakfasts so called? Well, that is, if according to the rules, then breakfast should be called today, because they cooked it for me today and I will eat it today. Now, if I leave it for tomorrow, then it's a completely different matter. Although no. After all, tomorrow it will become yesterday.

So would you like porridge or soup? she asked carefully.

How the boy Yasha ate badly

Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

- I do not want.

Mom says:

- Yasha, eat porridge.

- I do not want.

Papa says:

- Yasha, drink juice!

- I do not want.

Mom and dad got tired of persuading him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children should not be persuaded to eat. It is necessary to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait for them to get hungry and eat everything.

They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

-Yasha, eat porridge!

- I do not want.

- Yasha, eat soup!

- I do not want.

Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

And then one day a strong wind blew. And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

Mom calls:

- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.

But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

And he squeaks:

- Mom, take me away from the fence!

Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

Dad said this:

- I think our Yasha was rolled away somewhere by the wind. Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and the smell of soup will bring to Yasha. On this delicious smell, he will crawl.

So they did. They carried the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind carried the smell to Yasha.

As soon as Yasha smelled the smell of delicious soup, he immediately crawled to the smell. Because he was cold, he lost a lot of strength.

He crawled, crawled, crawled for half an hour. But he reached his goal. He came to the kitchen to his mother and how he immediately eats a whole pot of soup! How to eat three cutlets at once! How to drink three glasses of compote!

Mom was amazed. She didn't even know whether to be happy or upset. She says:

- Yasha, if you eat like this every day, I won’t have enough food.

Yasha reassured her:

– No, Mom, I don’t eat so much every day. I correct past mistakes. I bubu, like all children, eat well. I'm a completely different boy.

I wanted to say "I will", but he got "boob". Do you know why? Because his mouth was full of apples. He couldn't stop.

Since then, Yasha has been eating well.

secrets

Are you good at secrets?

If you don't know how, I will teach you.

Take a clean piece of glass and dig a hole in the ground. Put a candy wrapper in the hole, and on the candy wrapper - everything that you have beautiful.

You can put a stone, a fragment of a plate, a bead, a bird's feather, a ball (you can use glass, you can use metal).

You can use an acorn or an acorn cap.

You can have a multi-colored patch.

It can be a flower, a leaf, or even just grass.

Maybe real candy.

You can elderberry, dry beetle.

You can even eraser, if it is beautiful.

Yes, you can have another button if it's shiny.

Well. Have you put it down?

Now cover it all with glass and cover it with earth. And then slowly clear the ground with your finger and look into the hole ... You know how beautiful it will be! I made a “secret”, remembered the place and left.

The next day my "secret" was gone. Someone dug it up. Some bully.

I made a "secret" in another place. And they dug it up again!

Then I decided to track down who was doing this business ... And of course, this person turned out to be Pavlik Ivanov, who else ?!

Then I again made a "secret" and put a note in it:

"Pavlik Ivanov, you are a fool and a bully."

An hour later, the note was gone. Peacock did not look into my eyes.

Well, did you read it? I asked Pavlik.

I didn’t read anything,” Pavlik said. - You're a fool yourself.

The writing

One day we were told to write an essay in class on the topic “I help my mother.”

I took a pen and began to write:

"I always help my mom. I sweep the floor and wash the dishes. Sometimes I wash handkerchiefs.”

I didn't know what to write anymore. I looked at Lucy. That's what she wrote in her notebook.

Then I remembered that I washed my stockings once, and wrote:

“I also wash stockings and socks.”

I didn't really know what to write anymore. But you can’t hand over such a short essay!

Then I added:

“I also wash T-shirts, shirts and shorts.”

I looked around. Everyone wrote and wrote. I wonder what they write about? You might think that they help mom from morning to night!

And the lesson didn't end. And I had to keep going.

“I also wash dresses, mine and my mother’s, napkins and a bedspread.”

And the lesson never ended. And I wrote:

“I also love washing curtains and tablecloths.”

And then the bell finally rang!

I got a "five". The teacher read my essay aloud. She said that she liked my composition the most. And that she will read it at the parent-teacher meeting.

I asked my mother very much not to go to the parent meeting. I said that my throat hurts. But my mother told my father to give me hot milk with honey and went to school.

The following conversation took place at breakfast the following morning.

Mom: And you know, Syoma, it turns out that our daughter writes compositions wonderfully!

Dad: It doesn't surprise me. She has always been good at writing.

Mom: No, really! I'm not kidding, Vera Evstigneevna praises her. She was very pleased that our daughter loves to wash curtains and tablecloths.

Dad: What?!

Mom: Really, Syoma, is it wonderful? - Turning to me: - Why have you never admitted this to me before?

I was shy, I said. - I thought you wouldn't let me.

Well, what are you! Mom said. - Don't be shy, please! Wash our curtains today. It's good that I don't have to haul them to the laundry!

I goggled my eyes. The curtains were huge. Ten times I could wrap myself in them! But it was too late to retreat.

I washed the curtains piece by piece. While I was lathering one piece, the other was completely washed out. I'm just tired of these pieces! Then I rinsed the curtains in the bathroom piece by piece. When I finished squeezing one piece, water from neighboring pieces was poured into it again.

Then I climbed onto a stool and began to hang the curtains on a rope.

Well, that was the worst! While I was pulling one piece of the curtain onto the rope, the other fell to the floor. And in the end, the whole curtain fell to the floor, and I fell on it from the stool.

I became quite wet - at least squeeze it out.

The curtain had to be dragged back into the bathroom. But the floor in the kitchen shone like new.

Water was pouring from the curtains all day.

I put all the pots and pans we had under the curtains. Then she put the kettle on the floor, three bottles, and all the cups and saucers. But water still flooded the kitchen.

Oddly enough, my mother was pleased.

You did a great job washing the curtains! - said my mother, walking around the kitchen in galoshes. I didn't know you were so capable! Tomorrow you will wash the tablecloth...

What is my head thinking

If you think that I am a good student, you are wrong. I study hard. For some reason, everyone thinks that I am capable, but lazy. I don't know if I'm capable or not. But only I know for sure that I'm not lazy. I sit on tasks for three hours.

Here, for example, now I'm sitting and I want to solve the problem with all my might. And she does not dare. I tell my mom

Mom, I can't do it.

Don't be lazy, says mom. - Think carefully, and everything will work out. Just think carefully!

She's leaving on business. And I take my head with both hands and say to her:

Think head. Think carefully… “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B…” Head, why don't you think? Well, head, well, think, please! Well, what are you worth!

A cloud floats outside the window. It is as light as fluff. Here it stopped. No, it floats on.

Head, what are you thinking? Aren `t you ashamed!!! “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B ...” Luska, probably, also left. She is already walking. If she had approached me first, I would have forgiven her, of course. But is she suitable, such a pest ?!

"...From point A to point B..." No, it won't fit. On the contrary, when I go out into the yard, she will take Lena by the arm and will whisper with her. Then she will say: "Len, come to me, I have something." They will leave, and then they will sit on the windowsill and laugh and gnaw on seeds.

“...Two pedestrians left point A for point B...” And what will I do?.. And then I will call Kolya, Petka and Pavlik to play rounders. And what will she do? Yeah, she'll put on a Three Fat Men record. Yes, so loudly that Kolya, Petka and Pavlik will hear and run to ask her to let them listen. They listened a hundred times, everything is not enough for them! And then Lyuska will close the window, and they will all listen to the record there.

"... From point A to point ... to point ..." And then I'll take it and shoot something right into her window. Glass - ding! - and shatter. Let him know.

So. I'm tired of thinking. Think do not think - the task does not work. Just awful, what a difficult task! I'll walk around for a bit and start thinking again.

I closed my book and looked out the window. Lyuska alone was walking in the yard. She jumped into hopscotch. I went outside and sat down on a bench. Lucy didn't even look at me.

Earring! Vitka! Lucy immediately screamed. - Let's go to play bast shoes!

The Karmanov brothers looked out the window.

We have a throat, both brothers said hoarsely. - They won't let us in.

Lena! Lucy screamed. - Linen! Come out!

Instead of Lena, her grandmother looked out and threatened Lyuska with her finger.

Pavlik! Lucy screamed.

Nobody appeared at the window.

Pe-et-ka-ah! Luska perked up.

Girl, what are you yelling at?! Someone's head popped out of the window. - A sick person is not allowed to rest! There is no rest from you! - And the head stuck back into the window.

Luska furtively looked at me and blushed like a cancer. She tugged at her pigtail. Then she took the thread off her sleeve. Then she looked at the tree and said:

Lucy, let's go to the classics.

Come on, I said.

We jumped into the hopscotch and I went home to solve my problem.

As soon as I sat down at the table, my mother came:

Well, what's the problem?

Does not work.

But you've been sitting on it for two hours already! It's just awful what it is! They ask the children some puzzles!.. Well, let's show your problem! Maybe I can do it? I did finish college. So. “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B ...” Wait, wait, this task is familiar to me! Listen, you and your dad decided it last time! I remember perfectly!

How? - I was surprised. - Really? Oh, really, this is the forty-fifth task, and we were given the forty-sixth.

At this, my mother got very angry.

It's outrageous! Mom said. - It's unheard of! This mess! Where is your head?! What is she thinking about?!

About my friend and a little bit about me

Our yard was large. There were a lot of children walking in our yard - both boys and girls. But most of all I loved Lucy. She was my friend. She and I lived in neighboring apartments, and at school we sat at the same desk.

My friend Luska had straight yellow hair. And she had eyes! .. You probably won’t believe what her eyes were. One eye green as grass. And the other is completely yellow, with brown spots!

And my eyes were kind of grey. Well, just grey, that's all. Completely uninteresting eyes! And my hair was stupid - curly and short. And huge freckles on the nose. And in general, everything at Luska was better than mine. It's just that I was taller.

I was awfully proud of it. I really liked it when we were called “Big Lyuska” and “Lyuska Little” in the yard.

And suddenly Lucy grew up. And it became unclear which of us is big and which is small.

And then she grew another half a head.

Well, that was too much! I was offended by her, and we stopped walking together in the yard. At school, I didn’t look in her direction, but she didn’t look in mine, and everyone was very surprised and said: “A black cat ran between Lucy”, and pestered us why we quarreled.

After school, I now did not go out into the yard. There was nothing for me to do there.

I wandered around the house and did not find a place for myself. In order not to be so bored, I stealthily, from behind the curtain, watched Luska play bast shoes with Pavlik, Petka and the Karmanov brothers.

At lunch and dinner, I now asked for more. I choked, but ate everything ... Every day I pressed the back of my head against the wall and marked my height on it with a red pencil. But strange thing! It turned out that I not only did not grow, but even, on the contrary, decreased by almost two millimeters!

And then summer came, and I went to a pioneer camp.

In the camp, I always remembered Luska and missed her.

And I wrote her a letter.

“Hello, Lucy!

How are you? I'm doing well. We have a lot of fun at camp. We have the River Vorya flowing nearby. It has blue water! And there are shells on the beach. I found a very beautiful shell for you. She is round and has stripes. She'll probably come in handy for you. Lucy, if you want, let's be friends again. Let them now call you big, and me small. I still agree. Please write me an answer.

With pioneer greetings!

Lucy Sinitsyna"

I've been waiting a whole week for an answer. I kept thinking: what if she doesn’t write to me! What if she never wants to be friends with me again! .. And when a letter finally arrived from Luska, I was so happy that my hands even trembled a little.

The letter said this:

“Hello, Lucy!

Thanks, I'm doing well. Yesterday my mother bought me wonderful slippers with a white edging. I also have a new big ball, you will swing right! Hurry up, come, otherwise Pavlik and Petka are such fools, it’s not interesting with them! Don't lose your shell.

With pioneer salute!

Lucy Kositsyna"

On that day, I carried Lucy's blue envelope with me until evening. I told everyone what a wonderful friend Lyuska I have in Moscow.

And when I returned from the camp, Lyuska, along with my parents, met me at the station. She and I rushed to hug ... And then it turned out that I had outgrown Luska by a whole head.

Valentina Alexandrovna Oseeva

Once upon a time there was Masha the needlewoman, and she had a magic needle. Masha sews a dress - the dress itself washes and irons. He will sew the tablecloth with gingerbread and sweets, lay it on the table, looking - and indeed sweets appear on the table. Masha loved her needle, took care of it more than her eyes, and yet she did not save it. Once I went into the forest for berries and lost it. I searched, searched, went around all the bushes, searched all the grass - no, as there is no needle. Mashenka sat down under a tree and started crying.

The Hedgehog took pity on the girl, got out of the mink and gave her his needle.

Masha thanked him, took the needle, and she herself thought: “I wasn’t like that.” And let's cry again. The tall old Pine saw her tears - she threw her needle to her.

Take it, Masha, maybe it will come in handy for you!

Masha took it, bowed low to the Pine and went through the forest. She walks, wipes her tears, and she herself thinks: “This needle is not like that, mine was better.” Here she met the Silkworm, she is walking - spinning silk, wrapped herself in silk thread.

Take, Masha, my silk hank, maybe it will come in handy for you!

The girl thanked him and began to ask:

Silkworm, Silkworm, you have been living in the forest for a long time, you have been spinning silk for a long time, you make golden threads from silk, do you know where my needle is?

The Silkworm thought, shook his head.

Your needle, Mashenka, is with Baba Yaga, Baba Yaga has a bone leg. In a hut on chicken legs. Only there is no way, no path. It's smart to get her out of there.

Mashenka began to ask him to tell where Baba Yaga - the bone leg lives.

The Silkworm told her everything:

You need to go there not for the sun, but for the cloud,

By nettles and thorns,

Through the ravines and through the swamp.

To the very old well.

Birds don't make nests there,

Only toads and snakes live

Yes, there is a hut on chicken legs,

Baba Yaga herself sits by the window,

She embroiders a flying carpet.

Woe to those who go there.

Don't go, Mashenka, forget your needle,

Better take my skein of silk!

Masha bowed at the waist to the Silkworm, took a hank of silk and went, and the Silkworm shouted after her:

Don't go, Masha, don't go!

Baba Yaga has a hut on chicken legs.

On chicken legs in one window.

The big Owl guards the hut,

An owl's head sticks out of the pipe,

At night, Baba Yaga sews with your needle,

She embroiders a flying carpet.

Woe, woe to the one who goes there!

Mashenka is afraid to go to Baba Yaga, but she feels sorry for her needle.

Here she chose a dark cloud in the sky.

The cloud led her

By nettles and thorns

Down to the oldest well

To the green muddy swamp,

Where the toads and snakes live

Where the birds don't make their nests.

Masha sees a hut on chicken legs,

Baba Yaga herself sits by the window,

And an owl's head sticks out of the pipe ...

The terrible Owl saw Masha, and as she groaned, she shouted to the whole forest:

Oh ho ho ho! Who's here? Who's here?

Masha was frightened, her legs buckled from fear. And the Owl rolls her eyes, and her eyes glow like lanterns, one yellow, the other green, everything around them is yellow and green!

Mashenka sees that she has nowhere to go, bowed low to the Owl and asked:

Let me, Owl, see Baba Yaga. I have business with her!

The Owl laughed, groaned, and Baba Yaga shouted to her from the window:

My owl, Owl, the very hot stuff climbs into our oven! - And she says to the girl so affectionately:

Come in, Mashenka, come in!!

I myself will open all the doors for you,

I'll close them myself for you!

Masha came up to the hut and saw: one door was closed with an iron bolt, a heavy lock was hanging on the other, and a cast chain was on the third.

Owl threw her three feathers.

Open, - he says, - the doors and come in as soon as possible!

Masha took one feather, attached it to the bolt - the first door opened, attached the second feather to the lock - the second door opened, she attached the third feather to the cast chain - the chain fell to the floor, the third door opened in front of her! Masha entered the hut and sees: Baba Yaga is sitting by the window, winding threads on a spindle, and there is a carpet on the floor, wings are embroidered with silk on it and a needle is stuck in the unfinished wing. Masha rushed to the needle, and Baba Yaga would hit the floor with a broom, how she would scream:

Don't touch my flying carpet! Sweep the hut, chop wood, heat the stove, I’ll finish the carpet, roast you and eat you!

Baba Yaga grabbed a needle, sews and says:

Girl, girl, tomorrow night

I’ll feast on the carpet with the Owl-Owl,

And you look to sweep the hut

And she would have been in the oven! -

Mashenka is silent, does not respond,

And the black night is already approaching ...

Baba Yaga flew away a little before light, and Mashenka quickly sat down to sew the carpet. She sews, sews, does not raise her head, she has three stems left to finish, when suddenly the whole thicket around her hummed, the hut shook, the hut trembled, the blue sky darkened - Baba Yaga returned and asked:

My owl, Owl,

Are you eating and drinking well?

Was the girl nice? -

Moaned, groaned Owl:

Did not eat, did not drink Owl's head,

And your girl is alive and alive.

I didn’t heat the stove, I didn’t cook myself.

She didn't feed me anything. -

Baba Yaga jumped into the hut, and the needle whispered to Mashenka:

Take out the pine needle

Put it on the carpet like new

Baba Yaga flew away again, Masha quickly set to work; sews, embroiders, does not raise her head, and the Owl shouts to her:

Girl, girl, why doesn't smoke rise from the chimney?

Mashenka answers her:

My owl, Owl, the stove flares up badly.

And she lays firewood herself, kindles the fire.

And Owl again:

Girl, girl, is the water boiling in the boiler?

And Mashenka answers her:

The water in the boiler does not boil.

There is a cauldron on the table.

And she herself puts a cauldron of water on the fire and again sits down to work. Mashenka sews, sews, and the needle runs on the carpet, and the Owl again shouts:

Turn on the stove, I want to eat!

Masha planted firewood, smoke went to the Owl.

Girl, girl! yells Owl. - Sit in a pot, cover yourself with a lid and climb into the oven!

And Masha says:

I would be glad to please you, Owl, but there is no water in the pot!

And she herself sews and sews, she only has one stalk left.

Owl took out a feather from her and threw it into the window.

On, open the door, go for water, but look to me, if I see that you are going to run, I will call Baba Yaga, she will quickly catch up with you!

Mashenka opened the door and said:

My owl, Owl, go down to the hut and show how to sit in a pot, how to cover yourself with a lid.

The Owl got angry and jumped into the chimney and landed in the cauldron! Masha pushed the shutter, and she herself sat down to sew the carpet. Suddenly the earth trembled, everything around rustled, a needle escaped from Masha's hands:

Let's run, Mashenka, hurry up,

Open three doors

Get a flying carpet

Trouble is upon us!

Mashenka grabbed the flying carpet, opened the doors with an owl feather and ran. She ran into the forest, sat down under a pine tree to sew a carpet. A nimble needle turns white in her hands, a silk skein of thread glistens, shimmers, just a little bit remains to finish Masha.

And Baba Yaga jumped into the hut, sniffed the air and shouted:

My owl, Owl,

Where do you play

Why don't you meet me?

She pulled out a cauldron from the stove, took a large spoon, eats and praises:

What a delicious girl

What a greasy stew!

She ate all the stew to the very bottom, she looks - on the bottom Owl feathers! She looked at the wall where the carpet hung, but there was no carpet! She guessed what was the matter, trembled with anger, grabbed her gray hair and let's ride around the hut:

I am you, I am you

For Owl Owl

I'll tear it to shreds!

She sat on her broomstick and flew up into the air; flies, spurs itself with a broom.

And Mashenka sits under the Pine, sews, hurries, the last stitch remains for her. She asks Pine high:

My dear pine, is Baba Yaga still far away?

Pine answers her:

Baba Yaga flew green meadows,

She waved her broom, turned to the forest ...

Mashenka hurries even more, she has very little left, but there is nothing to sew, she has run out of silk threads. Mashenka cried. Suddenly, out of nowhere, - Silkworm:

Do not cry, Masha, silk is on you,

Thread my needle!

Masha took the thread and sews again.

Suddenly the trees swayed, the grass rose on end, Baba Yaga flew in like a whirlwind! Yes, she did not have time to go down to the ground, when the Pine planted her branches for her, she got entangled in them and fell to the ground right next to Masha.

And Mashenka has sewn the last stitch and spread the flying carpet, all that remains is to sit on it.

And Baba Yaga was already rising from the ground, Masha threw a hedgehog needle at her: the old Hedgehog came running, rushed at Baba Yaga's feet, pricked her with his needles, did not let her get up from the ground. And Mashenka, meanwhile, jumped up on the carpet, the flying carpet soared up to the very clouds and in one second rushed Mashenka home.

She began to live, to live, to sew and embroider for the benefit of people, for her own joy, and she took care of her needle more than her eyes. And Baba Yaga was pushed into the swamp by hedgehogs, where she sank forever and ever.

Grandfather, grandmother and Alyosha

Y. Koval

The grandfather and the woman argued about who their grandson looked like.

Baba says:

Alyosha looks like me. The same smart and economic.

Alyosha says:

That's right, that's right, I'm all in a woman. Grandfather says:

And in my opinion, Alyosha looks like me. He has the same eyes - beautiful, black. And he will probably grow the same big beard when Alyosha grows up himself.

Alyosha wanted to grow the same beard, and he says:

That's right, that's right, I look more like my grandfather. Baba says:

What a big beard will grow, it is still unknown. But Alyosha is much more like me. He, like me, loves tea with honey, gingerbread, jam and cheesecakes. But the samovar has just ripened. Now let's see who Alyosha looks more like.

Alyosha thought a little and said:

Perhaps I still look a lot like a woman.

Grandfather scratched his head and said:

Tea with honey is not a complete resemblance. But Alyosha, just like me, loves to harness a horse, and then ride a sled into the forest. Now let's lay down the sled and go to the forest. There, they say, moose showed up, they nibble hay from our haystack. We must look.

Alyosha thought and thought and said:

You know, grandfather, I get so strange in life. I look like a woman for half a day, and like you for half a day. Now I’ll have some tea and I’ll immediately look like you.

And while Alyosha drank tea, he closed his eyes in the same way and puffed out like a grandmother, and even when they raced on a sled into the forest, just like grandfather, he shouted: “But, oh, dear! Let's! Let's!" - and snapped the whip.

Before the first rain

Tanya and Masha were very friendly and always went to kindergarten together. That Masha came for Tanya, then Tanya for Masha. One time, when the girls were walking down the street, it started to rain heavily. Masha was in a raincoat, and Tanya was in one dress. The girls ran.

- Take off your cloak, we will cover ourselves together! Tanya shouted as she ran.

I can't, I'll get wet! - bending down her head with a hood, Masha answered her.

Kindergarten teacher said:

- How strange, Masha's dress is dry, and yours, Tanya, is completely wet, how did this happen? You were walking together, weren't you?

“Masha had a raincoat, and I walked in one dress,” Tanya said.

“So you could cover yourself with one cloak,” said the teacher, and, looking at Masha, shook her head.

- It can be seen, your friendship until the first rain!

Both girls blushed: Masha for herself, and Tanya for Masha.

How Masha got big

Evgeny Permyak

Little Masha really wanted to grow up. Highly. And how to do it, she did not know. I've tried everything. And I walked in my mother's shoes. And sat in my grandmother's hood. And she did her hair, like Aunt Katya's. And tried on beads. And she put on a watch.

Nothing worked. They just laughed at her and made fun of her.

Once once Masha decided to sweep the floor. And swept. Yes, she swept it so well that even my mother was surprised:

Masha! Are you really getting big?

And when Masha washed the dishes clean and dry and wiped them dry, then not only mother, but also father was surprised. He was surprised and said to everyone at the table:

We did not even notice how Maria grew up with us. Not only sweeps the floor, but also washes dishes.

Now everyone calls little Masha big. And she feels like an adult, although she walks in her tiny shoes and in a short dress. No hair. Without beads. No watch.

It's not like they make the little ones big.

How Misha wanted to outsmart his mother

Evgeny Permyak

Misha's mother came home after work and threw up her hands:

How did you, Mishenka, manage to break off the wheel of a bicycle?

It, mother, broke off by itself.

And why is your shirt torn, Mishenka?

She, mother, broke herself.

Where did your second shoe go? Where did you lose it?

He, mother, lost himself somewhere.

Then Misha's mother said:

How bad they are! They, the scoundrels, need to teach a lesson!

But as? Misha asked.

It’s very simple,” Mom said. - If they have learned to break themselves, tear themselves apart and get lost on their own, let them learn to repair themselves, sew themselves up, stay on their own. And you and I, Misha, will sit at home and wait until they do all this.

Misha sat down by the broken bicycle, in a torn shirt, without a shoe, and thought hard. Apparently, this boy had something to think about.

Who is the dumbest?

Valentina Alexandrovna Oseeva

Once upon a time there lived a boy Vanya, a girl Tanya, a dog Barbos, a duck Ustinya and a chicken Boska in the same house.

One day they all went out into the yard and sat on a bench: the boy Vanya, the girl Tanya, the dog Barbos, the duck Ustinya and the chicken Boska.

Vanya looked to the right, looked to the left, lifted his head up. Boring! He took it and pulled Tanya's pigtail.

Tanya got angry, wanted to hit Vanya back, but she sees that the boy is big and strong. She kicked Barbos. Barbos squealed, offended, bared his teeth. I wanted to bite her, but Tanya is the mistress, you can’t touch her. Barbos grabbed the duck Ustinya by the tail. The duck was alarmed, smoothed its feathers. She wanted to hit the chicken Boska with her beak, but changed her mind.

So Barbos asks her:

- Why don't you beat Boska, duck Ustinya? He is weaker than you.

“I’m not as stupid as you,” the duck answers Barbos.

“There are more stupid than me,” the dog says and points to Tanya.

Tanya heard.

“And there are more stupid than me,” she says, and looks at Vanya.

Vanya looked around, but there was no one behind him.

Who is the boss

Valentina Alexandrovna Oseeva

The big black dog's name was Beetle. Two boys, Kolya and Vanya, picked up Zhuk on the street. He had a broken paw. Kolya and Vanya looked after him together, and when Zhuk recovered, each of the boys wanted to become his sole owner. But who was the owner of the Beetle, they could not decide, so their dispute always ended in a quarrel.

One day they were walking through the woods. The beetle ran ahead. The boys argued heatedly.

“My dog,” Kolya said, “I was the first to see the Beetle and picked him up!”

- No, mine, - Vanya was angry, - I bandaged her paw and dragged delicious pieces for her!

Nobody wanted to give in. The boys had a big fight.

- My! My! both shouted.

Suddenly, two huge shepherd dogs jumped out of the forester's yard. They rushed at the Beetle and knocked him to the ground. Vanya hurriedly climbed the tree and shouted to his comrade:

- Save yourself!

But Kolya grabbed a stick and rushed to Zhuk's aid. The forester ran up to the noise and drove away his shepherd dogs.

- Whose dog? he shouted angrily.

“Mine,” Kolya said.

Vanya was silent.

Revenge

Valentina Alexandrovna Oseeva

Katya went to her desk and gasped: the drawer had been pulled out, the new paints were scattered, the brushes were dirty, puddles of brown water were spread on the table.

- Alyoshka! Katya screamed. - Alyoshka! .. - And, covering her face with her hands, she began to cry loudly.

Alyosha stuck his round head through the door. His cheeks and nose were stained with paint.

"I didn't do anything to you!" he said quickly.

Katya rushed at him with her fists, but the little brother disappeared behind the door and jumped into the garden through the open window.

- I will take revenge on you! Katya cried with tears.

Alyosha, like a monkey, climbed up a tree and, hanging from the lower branch, showed his nose to his sister.

- Did you cry? .. Because of some colors, she began to cry!

You will cry for me too! Katya screamed. - How can you cry!

- Am I going to pay? Alyosha laughed and began to quickly climb up. "Catch me first!"

Suddenly he stumbled and hung, grabbing a thin branch. The branch cracked and snapped. Alyosha fell.

Katya ran into the garden. She immediately forgot her ruined paints and her quarrel with her brother.

- Alyosha! she shouted. - Alyosha!

The little brother sat on the ground and, blocking his head with his hands, looked at her in fright.

- Get up! Get up!

But Alyosha drew his head into his shoulders and closed his eyes.

- Can not? Katya shouted, feeling Alyosha's knees. - Hold on to me. She put her arms around her brother's shoulders and carefully set him on his feet. - Does it hurt you?

Alyosha shook his head and suddenly burst into tears.

What, you can't stand? Katya asked.

Alyosha began to cry even louder and clung tightly to his sister.

“I will never touch your paints again… never… never… I will not!”

First fish

Evgeny Permyak

Yura lived in a large and friendly family. Everyone in this family worked. Only one Yura did not work. He was only five years old.

Once Yurina's family went to fish and cook fish soup. They caught a lot of fish and gave them all to my grandmother. Yura also caught one fish. Ruff. I also gave it to my grandmother. For the ear.

Grandma cooked the ear. The whole family sat down on the shore around the bowler and let's praise the ear:

From the fact that our ear is tasty, that Yura caught a huge ruff. Because our ear is fat and rich, because the ruff is fatter than catfish.

And even though Yura was small, he understood that adults were joking. Is there a lot of fat from a tiny ruff? But he was still happy. He rejoiced because his small fish was also in the big family ear.

Assistant

N.M. Pavlova

Katya loves to walk in the park. There are carousels, slides, swings, and they also sell balloons and delicious ice cream.

Once Katya woke up, had breakfast and looked out the window. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue and clear.

Mom, let's go for a walk, - Katya shouted, - the weather is very good!

Let's go, but later, I have a lot to do, - said my mother and went to cook dinner. Katya was offended, sat in a corner. She didn’t even play, she was about to cry.

She sat, sat, and figured out how to get to the park faster ... She put things in order on the shelf with toys. I watered the flowers on the windowsill. I even swept the floor in the kitchen.

How quickly we got things done! Mom rejoiced. - Get dressed, let's go on a carousel ride.

And they went to the park.

Just an old lady

Valentina Alexandrovna Oseeva

A boy and a girl were walking down the street. And ahead of them was an old woman. It was very slippery. The old woman slipped and fell.

- Hold my books! the boy shouted, handing the girl his briefcase, and rushed to the aid of the old woman.

When he returned, the girl asked him:

- Is that your grandmother?

“No,” the boy replied.

- Mum? - the girlfriend was surprised.

- Well, aunt? Or an acquaintance?

- No, no, no! the boy replied. - It's just an old woman. Hasty knife

Evgeny Permyak

Mitya planed a stick, planed and threw it away. Oblique stick turned out. Uneven. Ugly.

How is it so? - asks Mitya's father.

The knife is bad, - Mitya answers, - it cuts askew.

No, - says the father, - the knife is good. He's just hasty. He needs to learn patience.

But as? - asks Mitya.

And so, - said the father.

He took a stick and began to whittle it slowly, gently, carefully.

Mitya understood how patience should be taught to a knife, and he too began to whittle away quietly, gently, carefully.

For a long time the hurried knife did not want to obey. He was in a hurry: at random, at random he strove to wag, but it didn’t work out. Mitya made him be patient.

Knife sharpened well. Smooth. Beautiful. Obediently.

Four brothers

Evgeny Permyak

One mother had four sons. All the sons succeeded well, only they did not want to recognize each other as brothers. Nothing similar was found.

Well, if, - says one brother, - whomever I decide to call a brother, then only swan fluff or, at worst, cotton fiber.

And I, - says the second brother, - look like glass. I can only recognize him as my brother.

And I'm a brother of white smoke, - says the third. - No wonder they confuse us one with the other.

And I'm not like anyone, - said the fourth brother. - And I have no one to call my brother, except for tears.

So to this day, four siblings argue: white Snow, blue Ice, thick Fog and frequent Rain - they don’t call each other brothers, and all four call Mother Water a dear mother.

It happens in the world ... Brother does not always recognize brother!

Shcha children annealed. We go to the kindergarten, and towards the aunt, such a rather big aunt, tightened in a pink dress. At the same time, she apparently borrowed linen from her daughter or younger sister and all that in constrictions. Dasha to the whole street: “Mom, look, aunt is pohoza!” And the elder authoritatively: “Not for kobasya, but for vetsina.”

Danila is 5 years old. I take out the shoes I bought last fall, which he managed to wear only a couple of times ... I make him try them on, and I myself go to the kitchen. From there I shout:
- Done? Not small?
- No, mom, not small ...
- Well, that's good, you're still vilifying! - I have time to rejoice, but then I hear the end of the phrase:
- ... they don’t climb at all, mom !!!

Son (10 years old) was in the hospital. I come again, the nurse laughs, says:
- I asked him to sign the products in the refrigerator, he signed: "Chicken", "Juice" ...
All the staff had fun.

My daughter is 4 years old. Recently she asks to put her on the toilet, and I answer her, they say, she has already grown up, she needs to sit down herself. She, thinking for a moment, asks “Have you grown up yet?”. Well, yes, was my answer.
And then my daughter said: “Why are the boobs small ?!” Silent scene...

A friend told. He has a son, 4 years old. Now they are learning letters, the story is about it. Passed the letter "B":
What words start with this letter do you know?
- I do not know these words!
- Well, think. How do we sweep the floor?
- Sweeper!
- And if you think well?
- With a brush! (And don't argue!)
- Okay, but where do we put the garbage?
- In the package!
- And then?
- To the trash can.
- And what is your sister's name? (Veronica)
- Nika!
- What about grandpa? (I mean grandfather Vova)
- Zhenya! (Another grandfather)
- And the second one?
- Hmm ... Not Zhenya!
They didn't last any longer.

My friend Valya came to visit us. My son (4 years old) asks her:
- Aunt Valya, where do you live?
- Near Moscow.
He elaborates:
- In the underground?

We stood with my daughter at the station, waiting for the train. My daughter was then 6 years old. The pop was missing next to us. Classic father: 2 meters tall, 3 meters in girth, a gray beard to the chest and a huge cross around his neck. My child, opening his mouth, carefully examined the hitherto unseen miracle. She walked around a couple of times, scratched her head. Batiushka looked at this action with Olympian calmness. Then my daughter came up to me and asked:
- Dad! Why does Santa Claus have black clothes? Snow Maiden dead?
Batiushka and I fell together on the bench and laughed until the train arrived. Then he bought a chocolate bar for his daughter and blessed it.

My sister was once a little girl (6-8 years old) and loved bananas. Then bananas were in short supply (1989-1991), but sometimes they were available. One day, my mother decided to find out the power of banana love:
(M) - Alenochka, how many bananas do you need for complete happiness? (hoping to hear “ten, spot, fifty, one hundred.”)
(A) (on a blue eye, without a pause, without thinking) - Two boxes and two bananas.
(M) (in slight misunderstanding) - And why two more bananas?
(A) (just as quickly, as if long thought out) - UNTIL THE BOXES OPEN!

We rested in the sanatorium in the summer, there were many children there. Styopa (5 years 9 months) saw two very pretty twin girls. No matter how I tried to get to know them, they did not reciprocate. Stands again, watches how they play. I:
- Styopik, so get acquainted with other girls or run around with the boys.
- I've already met, I don't want to meet others! I want to play with these!
- Nu, why precisely with them?!
- I don't know... They are so beautiful... And the same... And two... I don't know! I want everything!

Dad and son Mark (2.5 years old) are looking at a book.
- Mark, it's a circle.
- Klug!
- Well done, Mark. This is a square.
- Square.
- Well done, Mark! This is a parallelepiped.
- …?! Well done, dad!

Pages: 2

Interesting stories by Viktor Golyavkin for younger students. Stories to read in elementary school. Extracurricular reading in grades 1-4.

Viktor Golyavkin. NOTEBOOKS IN THE RAIN

At recess, Marik says to me:

Let's get out of class. Look how good it is outside!

- What if Aunt Dasha delays with briefcases?

- You need to throw your briefcases out the window.

Our notebooks are gone

I answer him:

Our notebooks are gone

He writes to me:

What we are going to do?

I answer him:

What we are going to do?

Suddenly they call me to the blackboard.

“I can’t,” I say, “I can go to the blackboard.

"How," I think, "to go without a belt?"

“Go, go, I will help you,” the teacher says.

- You don't need to help me.

“Did you get sick by any chance?”

“I got sick,” I say.

- How about homework?

- Good with homework.

The teacher comes up to me.

- Well, show me your notebook.

- What's happening with you?

You'll have to put in a two.

He opens the magazine and gives me a F, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.

The teacher gave me a deuce and calmly says this:

"You're kind of weird today...

Viktor Golyavkin. UNLUCKY

One day I come home from school. On this day, I just got a deuce. I walk around the room and sing. I sing and sing so that no one would think that I got a deuce. And then they will ask again: “Why are you gloomy, why are you thoughtful? »

Father says:

What is he singing like that?

And mom says:

- He must be in a cheerful mood, so he sings.

Father says:

- Probably got an A, that's fun for a man. It's always fun when you do something good.

When I heard this, I sang even louder.

Then the father says:

- Well, Vovka, please your father, show the diary.

At this point, I immediately stopped singing.

- What for? I ask.

“I see,” says the father, “you really want to show the diary.

He takes my diary, sees a deuce there and says:

- Surprisingly, he got a deuce and sings! What, is he crazy? Come on, Vova, come here! Do you happen to have a temperature?

“I don’t have,” I say, “no temperature.”

Father spread his hands and says:

“Then you should be punished for this singing…”

That's how bad luck I am!

Viktor Golyavkin. WHAT'S INTERESTING

When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - a circle and T - a hammer. And that's it. I didn't know any other letters. And he couldn't read.

Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:

“Now, now, granny, I’ll wash the dishes for you.”

And in class, he dodged as best he could.

The teacher tells him:

- Read it right here.

He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:

- If you want, I'd better close the window so that it doesn't blow.

“I’m so dizzy that I’m probably going to fall now ...

He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:

- How is your health?

"Bad," said Goga.

- What hurts?

Well, then go to class.

- Why?

Because you don't have any pain.

— How do you know?

- How do you know that? the doctor laughed. And he lightly pushed Goga to the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but he continued to evade.

And the efforts of classmates did not lead to anything. First, Masha, an excellent student, was attached to him.

"Let's study seriously," Masha told him.

- When? Goga asked.

- Yeah right now.

"I'll be right back," said Goga.

And he left and didn't come back.

Then Grisha, an excellent student, was attached to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.

- Where are you going? Grisha asked.

“Come here,” Goga called.

“No one will interfere with us here.

- Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and immediately left.

No one else was attached to him.

As time went. He dodged.

Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book that she brought to her child.

“Now every evening,” she said, “I will read this wonderful book aloud to my son.

Grandma said:

“Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.

But the father said:

“You really shouldn’t have done it. Our Gogochka has grown lazy to such an extent that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.

But he didn't know what the meeting was! What did they decide!

And when she handed him the book, he became even more excited.

He immediately suggested:

- Come on, Mom, I'll wash the dishes.

And he ran to wash the dishes.

He ran to his father.

The father strictly told him never to make such requests to him again.

In desperation, he sat down on the floor and looked at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was going on there.

He brought the book to class. But classmates refused to read to him. Even more than that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly climbed under the desk.

Goga stuck to a high school student, but he flicked his nose and laughed.

That's what a home meeting means!

That's what the public means!

He soon read the whole book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go out for bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.

That's what's interesting!

Viktor Golyavkin. IN THE CLOSET

Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.

I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep.

Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:

— Eee! I'm in the closet! Help!

Listened - silence all around.

- O! Comrades! I'm in the closet!

I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.

- Who's yelling here?

I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner.

I rejoiced, I shout:

- Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!

- Where are you, dear?

- I'm in the closet! In the closet!

“How did you get there, honey?”

- I'm in the closet, grandma!

“I can hear that you are in the closet. So what do you want?

- They locked me in a closet. Oh, grandma!

Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.

Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.

“There is no one there,” said Pal Palych.

- How not. Yes, said Aunt Nyusha.

- Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.

I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:

- I'm here!

- Who are you? Pal Palych asked.

— I... Tsypkin...

"Why did you get in there, Tsypkin?"

- They locked me up... I didn't get in...

— Hm... He was locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet. Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?

- I hear...

- How long have you been sitting there? Pal Palych asked.

- I do not know...

“Find the key,” said Pal Palych. - Fast.

Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw through

slit his face. He was very angry. He lit up and said:

- Well! That's where the prank comes in. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?

I was silent.

Are you alive there? Pal Palych asked.

- Alive...

- Well, sit down, they will open soon ...

- I am sitting...

"Yes..." said Pal Palych. “So you tell me why you climbed into this closet?”

- Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?

I wanted to disappear again.

The director asked:

Tsypkin, is that you?

I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.

Aunt Nyusha said:

The class president took the key.

"Break down the door," the director said.

I felt the door being broken, the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.

“Come on out,” the director said. And tell us what that means.

I didn't move. I was scared.

Why is he standing? the director asked.

They took me out of the closet.

I was silent all the time.

I didn't know what to say.

I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...

The boy Yasha always liked to climb everywhere and climb into everything. As soon as some suitcase or box was brought, Yasha immediately found himself in it.

And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And in closets. And under the tables.

Mom often said:

- I'm afraid, I'll come with him to the post office, he will get into some empty parcel, and he will be sent to Kyzyl-Orda.

He got very good for it.

And then Yasha took a new fashion - he began to fall from everywhere. When it was distributed in the house:

- Eh! - everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater was the height from which Yasha flew. For example, mother hears:

- Eh! - so it's no big deal. This Yasha just fell off the stool.

If you hear:

- Eee! - so it's a very serious matter. It was Yasha who plopped down from the table. I need to go and look at his bumps. And on a visit, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb on the shelves in the store.

One day my dad said:

- Yasha, if you climb somewhere else, I don’t know what I will do with you. I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to a vacuum cleaner.

Yasha was so frightened that after these words he did not climb anywhere for half a day.

And then, nevertheless, he climbed onto the table with his dad and crashed together with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to a vacuum cleaner.

Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very uncomfortable. Neither you climb the fence, nor ride a bicycle.

But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now instead of "uh" constantly began to be heard "uu".

As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, when all of a sudden all over the house - "oooooo." Mom is jumping up and down.

We decided to make a good deal. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Papa said:

- This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I'll nail the stool to the floor with nails. And you will live with a stool, like a dog in a booth.

Yasha was very afraid of such a punishment.

But just then a very wonderful case turned up - they bought a new wardrobe.

First, Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting thing. Then he got bored and got out.

He decided to climb into the closet.

Yasha moved the dining table to the closet and climbed on it. But he did not reach the top of the cabinet.

Then he put a light chair on the table. He climbed onto the table, then onto a chair, then onto the back of a chair, and began to climb onto the closet. Already half gone.

And then the chair slipped out from under his foot and fell to the floor. But Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.

Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom

- Oh, mom, I'm sitting on the closet!

Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near a stool.

Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. All in all, almost a month. And Yasha slowly began to cry.

And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.

And if Yasha is not heard, then Yasha is doing something wrong. Either he chews matches, or he climbed into the aquarium knee-deep, or he draws Cheburashka on his father's papers.

Mom began to look in different places. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in my father's office. And everything is in order: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, then something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.

Mom screams:

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

- Yasha, where are you?

Yasha is silent.

Then my mother began to think. He sees a chair on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees - Yasha is sitting on the closet.

Mom asks:

- Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life or will we get down?

Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.

He says:

- I won't get down.

Mom says:

- Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.

She brought Yasha soup in a bowl, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.

Yasha had lunch on the cupboard.

Then his mother brought him a pot on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.

And in order to wipe his ass, my mother had to get up on the table herself.

At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.

Mom asks:

- Well, should you give Kolya and Vitya a closet?

Yasha says:

- Submit.

And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:

- Now I myself will come to visit him on the closet. Yes, not one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.

They took Yasha out of the closet, and he says:

- Mom, I didn’t get off because I’m afraid of stools. My dad promised to tie me to a stool.

“Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you are still small. You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.

And Yasha understood jokes.

But he also understood that dad did not like to joke.

He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha did not climb anywhere else.

How the boy Yasha ate badly

Yasha was good to everyone, he just ate badly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, or dad shows tricks. And he gets along:

- I do not want.

Mom says:

- Yasha, eat porridge.

- I do not want.

Papa says:

- Yasha, drink juice!

- I do not want.

They put, put plates in front of Yasha, but he does not eat and does not eat anything. He doesn't eat meatballs, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.

- Yasha, eat porridge!

- I do not want.

- Yasha, eat soup!

- I do not want.

Previously, his pants were hard to fasten, but now he dangled completely freely in them. It was possible to launch another Yasha into these pants.

And then one day a strong wind blew.

And Yasha played on the site. He was very light, and the wind rolled him around the site. Rolled up to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.

So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.

Mom calls:

- Yasha, where are you? Go home with the soup to suffer.

But he doesn't go. He is not even heard. He not only became dead himself, but his voice became dead. Nothing is heard that he squeaks there.

And he squeaks:

- Mom, take me away from the fence!

Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is not seen and not heard.

Dad said this: