Three-year crisis. Three-year crisis - what to do for parents. Crisis symptoms in children

Yesterday your baby was so soft and obedient, but today he is having tantrums, is rude on any occasion, categorically refuses to comply with mom's requests. What happened to him? Most likely, the child entered the so-called crisis of three years. Agree, it sounds impressive. But how do adults react to such childish behavior and what to do for parents tired of whims?

In the psychological literature, a three-year-old crisis is a special, relatively short life period of a child, which is characterized by significant changes in his mental development. The crisis does not necessarily occur on the third birthday, the average age of onset is from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

"I do not want! I won't! Do not! I myself! "

• The period of stubbornness begins at about 1.5 years.
• As a rule, this phase ends by 3.5-4 years.
• The peak of stubbornness occurs at 2.5-3 years.
• Boys are more stubborn than girls.
• Girls are naughty, more often than boys.
• During the crisis period, attacks of stubbornness and moodiness occur in children 5 times a day. Some have up to 19 times.

A crisis is a restructuring of a child, his growing up.

The duration and severity of manifestations of emotional reactions largely depend on the temperament of the child, the family style of upbringing, and the characteristics of the relationship between mother and baby. Psychologists are sure that the more authoritarian relatives behave, the brighter and more acute the crisis becomes. By the way, it can increase with the beginning of the visit.

If recently parents did not understand how to teach children to be independent, now there is too much of it. Phrases "I myself", "I want / I do not want" are heard regularly.

The child is aware of himself as a separate person, with his own desires and needs. This is the most important neoplasm of this age crisis. Thus, such a difficult period is characterized not only by conflicts with mother and father, but also by the emergence of a new quality - self-awareness.

And yet, despite the apparent adulthood, the baby does not understand how to get recognition and approval from parents. Adults continue to treat the child as a small and unintelligent, but for him he is already independent and big. And such injustice makes him rebel.

7 main signs of a crisis

In addition to striving for independence, the three-year crisis has other characteristic symptoms that make it impossible to confuse it with bad behavior and child harm.

1. Negativism

Negativism forces the baby to oppose not only his mother's, but also his own desire. For example, parents offer to go to the zoo, and the baby flatly refuses, although he himself really wants to see the animals. The point is that the proposals come from adults.

Disobedience and negative reactions should be distinguished. Disobedient children act according to their wishes, which often go against the wishes of their parents. By the way, negativism is often selective: the child does not fulfill the requests of an individual person, most often of a mother, and behaves with the rest as before.

Advice:

You should not speak to children in a commanding tone. If your child has a negative attitude towards you, give him the opportunity to calm down and move away from excessive emotions. Sometimes the opposite requests also help: "Don't get dressed, we're not going anywhere today".

2. Stubbornness

Stubbornness is often confused with persistence. However, persistence is a useful strong-willed quality that allows the little man to achieve the goal, despite the difficulties. For example, to finish building a house of cubes, even if it is falling apart.

Stubbornness is distinguished by the desire of the baby to stand his ground to the end only because he has already demanded it once. Let's say you invited your son to dinner, but he refuses. You start convincing, and he replies: "I have already said that I will not eat, so I will not".

Advice:

Do not try to convince the crumb, because you will deprive him of the chance to get out of the predicament with dignity. A possible way out is to say that you leave food on the table, and he can eat when he gets hungry. This method is best used only during a crisis.

3. Despotism

Most often, this symptom occurs in families with a single baby. He tries to get his mother and father to do as he wants. For example, a daughter requires her mother to be with her all the time. If there are several children in the family, then despotic reactions manifest themselves as jealousy: the baby screams, stomps, pushes, takes toys from his brother or sister.

Advice:

Don't be manipulated. And at the same time, try to pay more attention to the children. They must realize that parental attention can be attracted without scandals and tantrums. Attract the baby to household chores - cook dinner for dad together.

4. The symptom of depreciation

For a child, the value of old attachments disappears - to people, favorite dolls and cars, books, rules of behavior. Suddenly he begins to break toys, tore up books, call names or grimace in front of his grandmother, utter rudeness. Moreover, the baby's lexicon is constantly expanding, replenishing, including with various bad and even indecent words.

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn't think that the problem of stretch marks would touch me, but I will also write about it))) But there is nowhere to go, so I am writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method will help you too ...

Advice:

Try to distract children with other toys. Instead of cars, take up the constructor, instead of books, choose drawing. Often look at pictures on the topic: how to behave with other people. Just do not read lectures, it is better to play the child's reactions that disturb you in role-playing games.

5. Obstinacy

This unpleasant symptom of a crisis is impersonal. If negativism concerns a specific adult, then obstinacy is aimed at the usual way of life, at all actions and objects that relatives offer to the child. Often she meets in families in which there are disagreements on the issue of upbringing between mom and dad, parents, etc. The kid simply stops fulfilling any requirements.

Advice:

If the baby does not want to clean the toys right now, take him on other activities - for example, draw. And after a few minutes, you will find that he himself will begin to put cars in the basket, without your reminder.

6. Riot

A three-year-old is trying to prove to adults that his desires are as valuable as their own. Because of this, he goes into conflict for any reason. It seems that the kid is in a state of undeclared "war" with others, protesting against their every decision: "I do not want and I will not!".

Advice:

Try to remain calm, friendly, and listen to children's opinions. However, insist on your decision when it comes to child safety: "You can't play with a ball on the road!"

7. Self-will

Self-will is manifested in the fact that children strive for independence, and regardless of the specific situation and their own capabilities. The child wants to independently buy any product in the store, pay at the checkout, cross the road without holding his grandmother's hand. It is not surprising that such desires do not cause much delight in adults.

Advice:

Let your baby do what he wants to do. If he does what he wants, he will receive invaluable experience, if he fails, he will do it next time. Of course, this only applies to situations that are absolutely safe for children.

Video consultation: Crisis 3 Years, 8 manifestations of the crisis. What parents need to know

What should parents do?

First of all, adults need to understand that children's behavior is not bad heredity or harmful nature. Your child is already big and wants to become independent. It's time to build a new relationship with him.

1. React in a balanced and calm manner. It should be remembered that the baby, by his actions, tests the parental nerves for strength and looks for weak points that can be pressed. Also, you should not shout, break down on children, and even more so physically punish - harsh methods can aggravate and prolong the course of the crisis ().
2. Set reasonable limits. There is no need to hammer the life of a little person with all kinds of prohibitions. However, you should not go to the other extreme, otherwise, due to permissiveness, you risk raising a tyrant. Find the "golden mean" - reasonable boundaries, beyond which it is categorically impossible to cross. For example, it is forbidden to play on the road, to walk in cold weather without a headdress, or to skip a nap.
3. Encourage self-reliance.Anything that does not pose a danger to a child's life, a child can try to do, even if in the process of learning a few mugs break (). Does your baby want to paint on wallpaper? Attach a drawing paper to the wall and give some markers. Shows a genuine interest in your washing machine? A small basin of warm water and doll clothes will distract you from tricks and whims for a long time.
4. Give the right to choose.Parental wisdom suggests giving even a three-year-old toddler the choice of at least two options. For example, do not force outer clothing on him, but offer to go outside in a green or red jacket :). Of course, you still make serious decisions, but you can give up on unprincipled things.

How to deal with whims and tantrums?

In most cases, the bad behavior of three-year-olds - whims and hysterical reactions - is aimed at attracting parental attention and getting the desired thing. How should a mother behave during a three-year crisis to avoid constant tantrums?

1. During an affective outburst, it is useless to explain something to the baby. It is worth waiting until he calms down. If the hysteria is found in a public place, try to divert away from the "public" and distract the child's attention. Remember what kitty you saw in the yard, how many sparrows were sitting on a branch in front of the house.
2. Try to smooth out outbursts of anger with the help of the game. The daughter does not want to eat - sit next to the doll, let the girl feed her. However, soon the toy will get tired of eating alone, so one spoon for the doll, and the second for the baby (watch the video at the end of the article).
3. To prevent whims and tantrums during a crisis, learn to negotiate with children before starting any action. For example, before going shopping, agree on the impossibility of purchasing an expensive toy. Try to explain why you can't buy this typewriter. And be sure to ask what the crumb would like to receive in return, offer your own version of entertainment.

To minimize the manifestation of tantrums and whims, it is necessary:

• stay calm without showing irritation;
• provide the child with attention and care;
• offer the kid himself to choose a way to solve the problem ( "What would you do in my place?");
• find out the reason for this behavior;
• postpone the conversation until the end of the scandal.

Some parents, after reading our article, will say that they have not observed such negative manifestations in their three-year-old children. Indeed, sometimes a crisis of three years proceeds without obvious symptoms. However, the main thing in this period is not how it passes, but what it can lead to. A sure sign of the normal development of a child's personality at this age stage is the emergence of such psychological qualities as perseverance, will and self-confidence.

Note to moms!

Hello girls! Today I will tell you how I managed to get in shape, lose 20 kilograms, and, finally, get rid of the terrible complexes of overweight people. I hope you find this information useful!

When the baby turns three years old, then obvious changes begin to occur in his behavior and not for the better. He begins to be capricious about and without him, he can arrange a tantrum or refuses to obey. What suddenly happens to an obedient and affectionate baby? Why is he behaving this way? And the reason lies in the "crisis of three years", which is experienced by almost every child and his parents. It is very important that adults react correctly to such manifestations of their child's character and help him overcome this difficult stage in his life.

A three-year-old crisis occurs at different times for all children, but this is approximately the age of two and a half to three and a half years. This period does not last long and is, as it were, a transition or restructuring from a young age to the beginning stage of growing up. In boys and girls, the signs of crisis can manifest themselves in different ways and depend on the individual characteristics of the child and his temperament. Of course, family relationships and parenting methods also play a role.

The first sign of a crisis is being stubborn. Whatever the kid is asked, he will answer: “I don’t want!”, “Don’t!”, “I myself!”. This can begin as early as the age of 1.5-2 years, and will end only by the age of four. The most emotional phase occurs at the age of three. During this period, whims and stubbornness can be observed from five to twenty times a day. At the same time, girls are more often capricious, and boys are stubborn. Signs of a crisis may worsen with attending kindergarten.

A three-year-old child begins to feel like an independent person with his own character and with his desires. This innovation in the personality of the baby shows the beginning of changes in his life. Becoming occurs both in conflicts with adults, in learning new things, and in the formation of self-awareness. The child begins to feel like an adult, and parents and grandmothers lisp with him. The child does not like this, an internal protest appears, which results in whims and stubbornness.

The main signs of the crisis

These signs do not include the child's bad behavior or his desire to harm, they have their own characteristics.

Negativism

This manifestation is selective. The request of mom or dad may not be met categorically, but the wishes of the rest of the family are satisfied. Negativism prevents a child from even fulfilling his own desires, let alone the requests of parents or other adults. He always wants to resist and contradict everything and everyone. The child ignores everything that adults offer (even their favorite swing to the park).

Such negative reactions should not be confused with common disobedience. A naughty child most often has a negative attitude only to parental requests, and he gladly fulfills his own.

Measures of influence:

• the commanding tone in relation to the child is categorically contraindicated;
• parents should not insist on their own if the child does not agree with them. It is better to do what the baby wants at this time. "If you don't want to sleep - okay, go play!" or “If you don’t want to dress outside, don’t have to, today the walk is canceled!” etc.
• a negatively minded and overly emotional baby should be left alone for a while.

Stubbornness

It should be noted right away that persistence and stubbornness are completely different things. Perseverance fosters in a child willpower, the ability to achieve his goal and bring the work started to the end in order to get a positive result. The persistent toddler will fold the pyramid or collect puzzles for children until he succeeds.

A stubborn child has a completely different goal. He wants to achieve his only because he has already achieved it once. Once he refused to go to eat when he was called, and now, even if he is hungry, he still will not go because of his stubbornness.

Measures of influence that are suitable only during a crisis:

• no need to insist on their request to parents or try to convince the baby in different ways;
• make your child feel like a "winner";
• if you refuse to eat, leave a cooked dinner or breakfast on the table and tell that the baby can eat whenever he wants.

Despotism

Signs of despotism in large families and in families with one child are different. In a large family, tyranny looks like jealousy. The kid tries to attract attention to himself by taking away the toy from his brother or sister, he can even push or hit one of them. And in a family with one child, despotism is a desire for all the baby's requests to be fulfilled unquestioningly, always and instantly. Mom and Dad should do whatever their baby wants.

• such children need increased attention and affection;
• you should not succumb to the manipulation of the child;
• parents should behave so that children understand that without their whims and tantrums, you can also get parental attention;
• involve the child in household chores in the kitchen, prepare a birthday cake or dinner for dad together.

Devaluation of important and interesting

Anything that your baby was so attached to (for example, a toy, pet, book, etc.) begins to annoy him and even causes a negative destructive reaction. A child can easily tear his favorite book, break a typewriter, hit a kitten. In communication with adults, rudeness and antics are manifested, bad words appear in the vocabulary.

• postpone for this period all kinds of educational conversations and moralizing;
• distract your baby with other activities. For example, draw together, make an applique or a greeting card. You can read an interesting book or use toys to come up with and show your fairy tale.
• everything that worries parents during this period, bring to your crumbs through role-playing games, transferring educational moments to a toy.

Manifestation of obstinacy

This crisis symptom most often manifests itself in those families where parents cannot find a common language in raising a child. These disagreements lead to the fact that the baby ceases to obey everyone. His obstinacy manifests itself in everything that adults offer - these are ordinary objects, a request to wash or brush your teeth, an invitation to visit or go for a walk.

Measures of influence:

• use the change of activity as a method of influence at this stage (for example, instead of cleaning your toys, invite your child to play a constructor or draw). If you do not insist on the immediate execution of your request, then soon the baby will do everything as needed.

Real riot

Such a small rebel will constantly conflict with everyone and even "fight". He does not need any significant reason to once again say or shout his "I will not!" or "I don't want to!" A three-year-old baby wants constant attention to himself and the fulfillment of all his whims.

• calmly listen to your child;
• stay friendly in any situation;
• when it comes to the life and health of your child, then you need to insist on your solution to the problem (for example, play near the roadway, dangerous swings or dangerous objects).

Willfulness

Self-will is, in a sense, a synonym for independence. A growing child wants to do everything himself - buy bread in the store, cross the road itself, open the door with a key or turn on the light. Some of these wishes cause concern among parents and grandmothers, because "he is still a child."

• allow your baby to do things that do not threaten his health. Developing independence is essential. At this age, in addition to the manifestation of independence, the child must also develop patience and a desire to achieve a positive result.

What should parents do?

Try to understand that your little one is slowly growing up and wants to be independent. Try to move with him to a new level of relationship.

• The duration of the crisis at the age of three also largely depends on the reaction of the parents. It is imperative that you remain calm and judicious at all times with any behavior of your child. Save your nerves and do not succumb to the provocations of the baby. Shouting or punishing in this situation will only do harm.
• Restrictions and prohibitions should be reasonable, but permissiveness is not what is needed in this situation. The rules should be strict, but only for really important things and actions. The best way out for children and parents is the “golden mean”.
• Any attempts at independence that do not pose a danger to the life and health of the child should be encouraged. This applies to washing, cleaning, cooking, repairing. Let the baby, to the best of his ability, participate in all household chores with mom and dad.
• Every child should have a choice. For example, what dress or blouse to wear in kindergarten. You can ask your baby in the store which juice to choose or which color to buy cups. Even such unimportant situations for parents increase the child's self-esteem and give him confidence.

To reduce the number of repetitive whims and childish tantrums, you need to show as much attention and parental love for your baby. Indeed, most often such behavior of children is aimed precisely at attracting such a reaction from parents. Take advice from professionals:

• There is no need to try to explain something to a child during an emotional outburst. If this happens at home, then just leave the baby alone for a while. If this behavior manifests itself in a crowded place, then turn your baby's attention to a passing bus, a running cat or a beautiful flower.
• Affective flash can be extinguished through play. Try to entertain your child with a children's puppet show or a fun song, a family sports game, or a pet activity.
• Don't forget about preventive measures. Before going to the store or on a visit, try to agree in advance with your child about the possible development of events to prevent tantrums. Remember to offer something in return for what you can't.

There will be much less childish whims and tantrums if:

• Parents themselves will not be annoyed and will remain calm;
• From the side of adults, the baby will receive a sufficient amount of affection and attention;
• Adults will be able to identify in time the cause of the "wrong" child behavior;
• Parents will not sort things out with the child until he calms down.

The crisis stage in a child's life will pass much easier if the relationship between the child and the parents is warm and trusting.

3-year-old crisis: how to communicate with a child during this period (video)

- a transitional stage of mental development between early and preschool age. It is characterized by a radical restructuring of the personality structure - the child begins to realize the presence of will (arbitrariness), activity, the ability to make a choice, to act independently. The crisis is manifested by emotional and behavioral symptoms: negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy, self-will, protest reactions, despotism. Diagnostics is performed by a psychiatrist, psychologist through conversation, observation. During consultations, parents are told about ways to correct the manifestations of the crisis.

General information

Crisis periods of development differ from stable ones by the appearance of qualitative changes in the psyche, the presence of a conflict between the new needs of the child and established social relations, forms of activity. Symptoms of a three-year crisis are observed between 2.5 and 3.5 years, the result is the psychological separation of the child from mom, dad, older sisters, brothers. The severity, intensity of symptoms ranges from subtle whims to regular frequent tantrums, constant negativism, resistance to adults. Regardless of the characteristics of the course, the transition period ends with the appearance of neoplasms necessary for further proper development - self-awareness, volitional qualities, independence.

Causes of the crisis of three years

The child seeks to establish rules, norms, building relationships based on social roles, personal qualities. At the same time, the parents retain the previous models of behavior - orientation towards objective activity, limitation of the field of opportunities for manifestations of independence. The conflict is accompanied by quarrels with adults. The severity of this period is determined by the combined effect of certain factors:

• Authoritarianism. The desire of adults to establish strict norms, the requirement of unconditional obedience suppresses the will, independence of the baby. The crisis proceeds with reactions of rebellion, open resistance to parents.
• Hyper-care. Excessive parental care in the conditions of the formation of the child's personality, increasing independence becomes the cause of negativism, obstinacy, and disobedience. The intensity of overprotection directly correlates with the duration and brightness of the crisis.
• Family composition. With brothers and sisters involved in the upbringing, the crisis is usually easier. The child has more opportunities, options for building relationships. Siblings are more flexible and change behavior faster.
• Temperament. The intensity, stability, ease of occurrence of emotional reactions are partly determined by the innate characteristics of the nervous system. Conflicts provoke a greater response among choleric and melancholic people.
• Health status. The severity of emotional-behavioral deviations is determined by the presence of diseases in the child. Sick children often experience increased dependence on their mother, the development of independence is delayed, the crisis comes later, proceeds smoothly. In neurological diseases, the imbalance of excitation-inhibition processes is manifested by greater emotional instability, hypertrophy of crisis manifestations.

Pathogenesis

New formations of the crisis are a new level of self-awareness, independence, building social relations, volitional regulation of activity. Positive changes are hidden behind negative symptoms - disobedience, obstinacy, whims, tantrums. The basis for emotional and behavioral disorders is the inadequacy of social circumstances to the changed needs and capabilities of the child. The motivation for actions is now associated not with the content of the situation, but with the relationship.

The social position of the baby is being rebuilt, he begins to separate himself from adults not physically, as during the crisis of 1 year, but psychologically. An idea of \u200b\u200boneself as a personality arises, the image of "I" is formed as a system of desires, needs, will, activity. To test new possibilities, the child opposes his actions to the actions of adults - he argues, is stubborn, refuses. The direction of actions is determined by the personality, and not by the desires of the child, as before.

Symptoms of a three-year crisis

The course of the crisis stage is described by a "seven-star symptom" (L. S. Vygotsky). At the age of three, the behavior of children is characterized by stubbornness, negativism, self-will, obstinacy, protests, devaluation, despotism. Negativism is a negative response, a refusal caused by a situation of interaction with an adult. Reactions arise selectively towards certain people. The difference between negativism and ordinary disobedience is that affect and action are separated: the child wants to perform the proposed activity (go for a walk, listen to a fairy tale), but refuses. Negativism allows you to highlight your own motives, to show independence.

Stubbornness is accompanied by a persistent tendency towards the activity chosen by the child. The social aspect is the presentation of demands to an adult, relentless adherence to one's own words, promises. It is important for the baby to remain committed to his decision, regardless of the circumstances (he is cold, but does not go home). The difference between stubbornness and persistence is following the chosen action against one's own desires, the requests of an adult. Obstinacy is a negative tendency against the norms of upbringing, lifestyle, and the system of relationships. The child shows dissatisfaction with games, daily rituals, leisure activities, and going to kindergarten. With this reaction, he accentuates his own opinion.

The need to show independence is realized by self-will - a demonstration of the initiative of action, inadequate to the possibilities and conditions. The need for respect, recognition of the child's opinions, desires is realized by the reactions of protest. The desire to demonstrate will, independence, independence is expressed by provoking conflicts with adults. Frequent quarrels lead to depreciation. The child recognizes the insignificance, unimportance of people, things, activities, which he was fond of earlier. Begins to swear, tease, call parents names, break favorite toys. The desire for despotism arises as a need to control others, to rule. It is manifested by orders to parents, jealousy, manipulation.

Complications

The crisis is accompanied by changes in relationships, emotional sphere, value system of the child. Intense deep experiences form internal and external conflicts. A difficult period can provoke neurotic reactions. Children develop enuresis, night terrors, nightmares, stuttering. An extreme aggravation of the crisis manifests itself in hysterical attacks: the child screams, cries, falls to the floor, pounds with his fists, arches. During a tantrum, there is a risk of injury. A protracted crisis leads to the formation of hysterical personality traits - symptoms become character traits of the child.

Diagnostics

In most cases, the crisis passes without the intervention of doctors; adults perceive changes in the child's behavior as a natural stage of development that ends on their own. With severe symptoms, parents seek advice from specialists - a psychologist, neurologist, psychiatrist. Diagnostics is performed by clinical and physical methods:

• Conversation. A clinical survey allows you to find out the history, time of onset of symptoms, their frequency, severity, duration. The key markers of the crisis are negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy, and self-will.
• Observation. During the conversation, the specialist observes the baby's behavior. Symptoms are most clearly manifested in casual interactions between parents and children.
• Inspection. In case of hypobulic seizures (hysterics, convulsions), a neurologist conducts a physical examination. Evaluates sensitivity, muscle strength, tone, reflexes, coordination of movements. Carries out differential diagnosis of crisis with neurological diseases.

Overcoming the negative symptoms of the crisis occurs faster when the attitude towards the matured baby changes, the acceptance of his new needs and opportunities. Psychologists conduct individual consultations, group lectures, telling parents about communication methods, interaction with a child, and organizing pastime. General principles:

With the correct correction of the relationship with the growing child, the crisis of three years passes more smoothly, calmly, ends after a few months. The neoplasms of this stage of development are the psychological emancipation of the child from the adult, the emergence of self-esteem, and the assessment of their own actions. Volitional qualities, independence are actively developing, social relations are becoming more complicated. Prevention of a protracted course of the crisis, neurotic and psychopathic complications is to create new conditions for development - building relationships, taking into account the changing needs of the child.

Your child grows, and alone with age problems and completely different ones come. You can finally forget about diapers and sliders, but they are replaced by broken toys, now you can sleep peacefully at night, but all day you will run after your child like a squirrel in a wheel. Now your baby is happy to show his character, and his whims can sometimes drive you crazy.

Why is this happening? Many psychologists call this period crisis three years of age. It is believed that this crisis is the most acute of all possible. The child becomes uncontrollable, for no reason falls into a rage. His behavior does not fit into any framework. It seems that the child can already talk, walk, eat, but the parents are not able to understand his behavior.

Naturally, the age crisis passes over time. But if the parents know its main signs, it will be easier for them to accept and experience it.

What are the signs of this crisis?

1. Negativism.

The kid meets any proposal of the parents categorically "not"... He just refuses everything. This reaction is not caused by the proposal itself, but by the fact that it was made by an adult. The child seeks to do everything the other way around, even if this is contrary to his own desire.

1. Stubbornness.

Very often we see a picture of a child crying in a store. His parents did not buy him what he demanded. And it's not about upbringing at all. This is a three-year crisis. This behavior of the baby is not based on the desire to have a toy, but on his own demand, which must be done by the parents.

1. Obstinacy.

A child manifests itself in order to violate the rules and norms of education, behavior. The kid starts indulge, to do everything that he was ever forbidden to do.

1. Self-will.

The child demonstrates his independence... He begins to understand the difference between children and adults, and strives to be like the latter.

1. Protest.

The first appears conflicts with the outside world. The kid swears with absolutely everyone, tries to impose his opinion, is rude.

1. Despotism.

The child wants all his desires to be fulfilled, and no matter what ways he will achieve this.

This behavior of children is a consequence of the formation personality and self-awareness. The child manifests his “I”, he perceives himself as an individual, and everything around him passes through the prism of his personal skills and knowledge.

The child manifests a will, which in psychology has a name autonomy... He no longer wants to receive custody from his parents, he tries to make all decisions on his own. If the crisis does not proceed expressively enough, this indicates a delay in the formation of the affective and autonomous sides of the individual. Instead of independence, there is a feeling of shame and indecision. For this reason, you should not limit the child during this period, it is important that he goes through this path of personality formation. Parents must support the child, be on an equal footing with him, but at the same time do not allow permissiveness.

The article talks about the three-year age crisis, how it manifests itself and how to help the child and parents cope with it as soon as possible.

It is so pleasant to watch how the child grows and develops, how he learns everything, how he is already doing a lot. And suddenly there comes a moment when relatives and friends stop recognizing the baby, when he becomes a naughty child - this moment can be designated as an age crisis.

Crisis 3 years old child symptoms

The first age crisis in a person's life occurs at the age of three. It is during this period that the child falls from an early age to preschool.

In these moments, the existing personal mechanisms of the baby are sharply and radically rebuilt, the child acquires new outlines of his consciousness, his personality. Other approaches are being developed in relationships with others.

The crisis of three years, psychologists call a rather conditional period, which for different children occurs in different periods. This period can be between two and four years.

The duration of this crisis is also conditional and takes a short period of time, about several months. The severity and intensity of this period depends directly on the particular child.

Psychologists propose to characterize the crisis of three years as a "seven-star symptom":

• Despotism

This sign is manifested in the fact that the baby is trying to show despotic power and subjugate, first of all, his parents and force them to fulfill all his whims.

• Depreciation

The child loses the value of everything that was important before this period of the child's life. It can be scandals with parents, careless attitude towards the most favorite toys, hooligan behavior in the sandbox

• Protest riot

The formation of will, independence and self-reliance can be manifested by rebellious behavior. The kid begins to demand a serious attitude towards his independence.

In cases where the child does not feel that his parents listen to his opinion, he begins to protest. The protest will definitely concern the previous behavior, the old relationship, the old framework.

• Willfulness

"I am myself!" - such a phrase characterizes one of the symptoms of a three-year crisis. Not always a child, having a desire to satisfy a cognitive need, can assess his strengths and abilities, which inevitably leads to additional conflicts with parents.

Parents are not always ready to realize that the child is not trying to interfere with them, but only shows the activity and curiosity necessary to establish the personality of the child, to form an incentive to improve his “I” and self-development.

• Obstinacy

This symptom is characterized by opposition not to a specific person, but to the norms and systems that have developed in the family as a whole. This is upbringing, relationships, and the way of life of the family.

• Stubbornness

This indicator is manifested in the fact that a child under no circumstances will deviate from what is required just because he demands what he wants from an adult. Most likely, the child will not abandon his decision, even if the circumstances change.

There is a fine line between stubbornness and persistence in achieving a goal. Parents should learn to distinguish between the two.

• Negativism

Negativism is expressed in opposition to a specific person - for example, at home only one of the parents, and in kindergarten only one of the educators.

The child's selective behavior is to do everything the other way around, but not in the way suggested by a particular parent or caregiver.

Crisis 3 years: how should parents behave?

During the period when the child learns to be aware of himself in this world, when psychologically begins to separate himself from his parents, when the child begins to understand and accept his “I”, when the baby's self-esteem begins to emerge, parents should be especially attentive to their child.

In order to support their child in this difficult period, in order to contribute to the early course of the inevitable age crisis, parents should heed some advice:

• Parents should give up overprotection and begin to realize that the child is growing up and has the right to independence. To do this, you can try to determine the range of responsibilities that the baby can handle on his own and allow him to fulfill them.

IMPORTANT: Do not refuse your child if he offers you his help in matters, for example, in cleaning the apartment, even if, in your opinion, he will only bother you. Exceptions can only be those cases that are unsafe for the child, for example, working with electricity.

• Adults should be able to cheat and, in order to avoid conflict, give the baby the right to choose. For example, the right to choose a plate from which he will eat soup
• Don't impose rules, but ask. For example, ask your child to take you across the street by the hand.
• When tantrums occur, you should control your behavior - no breakdowns and tantrums. Only thanks to your calmness and lack of reaction to hysterical behavior, the child will understand that in this way he will definitely not be able to manipulate you, and, as a result, there will be no need for such behavior of the crumbs
• You should not enter into an argument with the baby, avoid conflicts. You should not forcefully try to suppress his stubbornness - the baby is just trying to work out the skills of defending his opinion
• Learn to give in to your child in little things. For example, at lunch, let him first eat his favorite cutlet, and only then the soup.
• Learn to negotiate with your child, but be sure to keep your promises
• At the age of three, it is important to use play techniques in raising a child. For example, if the kid refuses to walk, you can invite him to take his favorite toy for a walk. Using role-playing games, the baby can be instilled in the norms of behavior and rules of etiquette.

• At the age of three, the baby begins to be proud of her achievements, her successes - do not forget to praise the baby for any little things and support him, this is very important for him
• Adults should not compare their baby with other children, this can only cause a negative attitude towards the latter - at this age, the child is not yet able to recognize the feeling of healthy rivalry. In this case, it is important to show the child that he is growing, developing and that he does any business every time it turns out better, and much better than yesterday.
• In case of failure, you should not give the child negative characteristics that can very much hurt a baby of this age and become the basis of psychological problems in the future. In any case, support the child, explain that if today something did not work out for him, then in the future everything will definitely work out.

How to overcome a 3-year-old child's crisis?

In any business, patience is the main thing. Parents should not forget about this.

By showing patience and sensitivity in such a difficult period for a child, adults will be able to make life easier for absolutely everyone. This behavior will help adults to get closer to the child, understand his motives, and help the child to feel important and needed.

Features of communication between an adult and a child during a three-year crisis: recommendations of a psychologist

Almost all the opinions of psychologists about the communication of adults with children during the age crisis of three years are reduced to the same recommendations. They can be summarized as follows:

• Parents should learn to give their child the right to choose, so that the child can choose and determine the importance of the decision he has made. At the same time, parents should not forget that, nevertheless, they must set the framework and restrictions themselves.
• Adults should support the child in striving for independence, support him "I am myself" and take into account the time costs in planning their affairs. For example, start getting ready for the street ten minutes earlier than usual, because the child will dress independently

• Parents can make life easier for themselves and their child if they learn to switch his attention. For example, a child does not want to go to visit his grandfather, but you can concentrate his attention on choosing a toy that he will take with him.
• Adults must necessarily praise their child, encourage his independence, not impose their help, but always be interested in whether he needs it. If the child answers positively, or asks you for help himself, then in no case should he be denied this, even though he has already coped with this task many times on his own
• Parents must learn to communicate with their child as an adult. It is imperative to devote him to some household chores and problems, ask his advice, and even listen to them. In case of the help provided by the kid, it is imperative to thank him
• Every adult who communicates with a child must control his behavior and act in exactly the way that the child's behavior should be. The child completely copies the behavior of those adults with whom he communicates

• For any misbehavior of the child, adults should not scold the child too much, but it is imperative that you explain to him why you are angry with him, why you consider his act bad. For example, tell your child that his act offends you very much - do not be afraid to tell the child about your negative emotions.

IMPORTANT: In any case, when committing an offense, the child must know that it is not he who is bad, but just his act. It should be explained to the child that he is still loved, but everyone will be much better if he does not act badly.

• Establishing the limits of what is permissible, adults should understand that a child should not have too many prohibitions, and a child should rarely hear “no”. The requirements of adults must be the same, they must be clear to the child

Crisis 3 years in children Komarovsky

The three-year crisis is easily recognizable by the child's changed behavior. But how to cope with the emerging tantrums, whims can easily be helped by the experienced doctor Komarovsky in a video on the topic: Naughty Child - School of Doctor Komarovsky

A three-year-old child's crisis is not only a child's problem. This period can become very difficult for both the baby and the adult.

With patience, a little wisdom and the above tips, adults can help both themselves and the child to overcome any difficulties of the age crisis.

VIDEO: Crisis 3 years old? 7 main signs. Part 1

VIDEO: Crisis 3 years. What to do? Part 2