Federal Law "On the protection of the psychological health of citizens in the Russian Federation", Art. 50 “Scientific nature of psychological assistance” Psychological assistance is all types of procedures that have scientific justification, regardless of scientific and practical schools and approaches, in

1.3. Art therapy as one of the forms of psychological assistance: general characteristics According to the international definition (European Consortium for Arts Therapies Education), art therapy (arts therapies) is a group of therapeutic and

12.2.3. Scientific and Methodological Center for Emergency Psychiatry and Medical and Psychological Care in Emergencies In order to improve the provision of specialized medical care to the population of the Russian Federation in emergencies, by order of the Minister of Health of the Russian Federation dated August 27, 1999 No. 335

12.3.2. Provision of emergency psychological assistance Emergency psychological assistance is provided in cases where a person's reactions can be described as normal reactions to an abnormal situation (Shoigu Yu.S., 2007). Emergency psychological assistance cannot be provided

“Psychological emergency service” We have personally tested this hypothesis and obtained its confirmation on a large number of cases: “urgent” psychotherapeutic intervention, in this case, intervention before the first night, helps to reduce

An example of a couple's consultation. Complementary relationships.

The example is given to get acquainted with the work of a family psychologist. In this example, information has been changed regarding customer data, personal histories, names, dates, and events to include parts of other people's stories. Reduced studies of families of spouses. There are no genograms (family history).

A young married couple with 1 year of living together, without children, turned to a family psychologist. Six months of relationship experience before marriage.

Diagnostic part. Usually, at this stage, the experience of the development of the personality of each of the spouses in the parental family, the circumstances of development are clarified, relations with close relatives, the nature of relatives, the power of influence on the personality of each of them, key events in the parental family - deaths, marriages, divorces, illnesses, then there is everything that influenced the development of the personality and played a decisive role in the emergence of certain beliefs, character traits, emotional experiences, upheavals. All these data form in a person a key motivational orientation with which a person enters into marriage or organizes certain relationships.

Katya grew up in a situation of "eternal" quarrels and conflicts, her parents divorced when she was 15 years old. She was the eldest daughter in the family and still maintains friendly relations with her younger sister. The girls grew up together, they were united by the fear of the conflicts of their parents. They had one salvation - to stick to each other. Katya experienced the divorce of her parents harder than her sister, because she remembered the years of childhood, during which, as it seemed to her, everything was fine in the relationship of her parents. She was left with the impression of that time that her relationship with her father was better than that of other family members. "Father's daughter. They spent happy weekends, went for walks in parks, went to the circus. At least that was the case until the birth of her younger sister. When the younger sister was born, Katya was 4 years old. My sister was often sick, there was not enough money for the family, only my father worked, and my mother was at home with the children. Quarrels began due to lack of money. Father became isolated, began to appear less often at home. Then, when the younger sister grew up, my mother went to work, but the quarrels between the parents did not stop. The father left the family suddenly, after leaving he almost cut off all ties. Although the family has never had open conflicts. After the father moved out to live with another woman, Katya seemed to have “ripped off” the roof. She began to go to discos, then clubs, how she got her higher education - “everything is in a fog” - she doesn’t really remember, as if she didn’t live, but acted on the machine. Katya tried drugs, hung out in bad companies, until one day she realized that she didn’t want to live like that anymore, but wanted a normal family and support, support and protection. So by the age of 30, Katya decided to start a family. Relations with her mother are now normal, but after the departure of her father, she lost confidence in her mother. Mother relied more on her younger sister.

Vladimir grew up in a family without a father, whom he does not remember. He knows that he was a drunkard and died under mysterious circumstances when Vladimir was 1.5 - 2 years old. Vladimir is the youngest child in the family. Mother disappeared at two or three jobs, and when she came home, she did not have enough time for sentimental conversations: one or two - catch up, three or four - wipe my floors and dust. Mother is a direct and sharp woman, if you don’t like it, she will immediately tell who needs it and what is needed. It's still two boys. The older brother somehow didn’t really help his mother - he hung out with companies. Started drinking. After high school, I couldn't get a job. The mother relied more on the younger son in everything, so he grew up as the eldest. Soon he moved to live in a separate apartment, which he got after the death of his father and began his professional career at the age of 18, and his older brother stayed with his mother. Then he got an education. He began to work in his specialty. In the professional sphere, everything went well, Vladimir was successful. He became reliable, responsible, grew up the career ladder, but somehow he had no luck with the girls. The girls were leaving. The first serious relationship was interrupted after 2 years of marriage. Relations with Katya are also in danger of breaking. It seems that Vladimir does everything right, even washes the floors, only Katya is unhappy and does not want to have a baby. Vladimir always tries to do everything right, but Katya does not appreciate his efforts.
What is the main reason for applying?

The initiator of the appeal is Katya. She faced a problem that is difficult for her to overcome. All is well in the relationship until Vladimir loses his temper. When he gets angry, he becomes simply unbearable: you can’t approach him and settle relations in a calm way, he starts screaming, calling names and loses the ability to discuss the problem. Vladimir changed a lot after marriage, he never behaved in a similar way when they met. He was attentive, but can be somewhat tense, but at least he never shouted and she always looked forward to their meeting with joy, and after marriage he seemed to have been replaced - he became demanding and noisy.
Vladimir sees the situation differently. He gives some instructions to Katya, she promises to fulfill them, but performs them improperly: either she mixes up something, or she doesn’t do it at all. Katya is not working now, she sits at home and is busy with something of her own all day, and household chores are unfulfilled. Vladimir is unhappy. If Katya cleans up, she doesn't cook. If he cooks, he doesn't clean up. Everything is like that.

After the conflict

Vladimir usually withdraws and gradually comes to his senses. However, Katya cannot leave him alone. Since during the conflict she does not scream or swear, after the conflict she “taunts” Vladimir, ironically pointing out his shortcomings to him or simply throws sharp phrases.

Preliminary conclusions on the diagnostic part.

In this marital situation, we are faced with a system of complementary relationships, in which one spouse performs the duties of a parent for the second partner. This is evident from the stories of the spouses. Katya gives the story of her life, in which the father pulled away from his daughter with the birth of his second child, and then abandoned the family altogether. This means that Katya has an unmet need for emotional attachment in her relationship with her father. It follows from the story that after the departure of her father, Katya experiences grief and leaves her mother's obedience, apparently blaming her for the fact that her behavior was the reason for the divorce: "she brought me to a divorce with nitpicking." Katya is trying to cope with a break in relations with her father by trying drugs - a way to forget, to suppress difficult feelings. However, this method turns out to be ineffective and Katya decides to radically change her life - to find a man who could become her support and protection. She starts dating and marries the super-responsible Vladimir. However, the relationship with Vladimir shortly after her marriage disappoints her - the responsible and honest Vladimir in conflicts turns into a monster that scares Katya, and she tries to cope with the feeling of anger by ironically over his inability to keep feelings under control, thereby duplicating the behavior of her mother. Katya considers herself a victim in her relationship with Vladimir and does not want to take responsibility for the fact that she unconsciously provokes violent emotional outbursts of her husband, thereby maintaining a co-dependent relationship of the victim-aggressor type.
Vladimir is also involved in building a codependent relationship model. He behaves like an elder, a parent, gives instructions, demands fulfillment, is not distracted by sentimental conversations and also duplicates the mother’s behavior: “one or two - catch up, three or four - wipe my floors and dust.” When Katya does not follow his instructions, he sees this as a lack of respect and care, since he believes that a woman should take care of the house if a man does everything else, and Katya's petty nitpicking only aggravates the situation, because Vladimir starts up again. Both partners behave according to the principle of child-parent relations, merged with their roles and at the time of the appeal were not able to build contractual relations, that is, to negotiate with each other, forgive each other's mistakes, help overcome difficult moments.
During the answers to the questions of the psychologist of one of the spouses, the second invariably intervened and corrected, inserted his “five cents”, which is why the second one turned on more than ever. Vladimir was very angry, but restrained himself, as a result he almost could not calmly answer questions or often answered inappropriately. The behavior of the spouses shows that the relationship has entered a state of emotional confrontation, struggle. Each of them is not satisfied and tries to “prick” the other more painfully.

The situation that arose in the family. Psychologist's conclusion

The psychological cause of conflicts is unmet needs. Katya, who was looking for emotional intimacy and understanding, is disappointed, she not only does not want to get involved in relationships built on obligations and assignments, but she cannot forgive her husband's "wild" cries. Katya would like more care, warmth and security, and Vladimir only "commands". In Katya's eyes, the relationship has lost its appeal. Vladimir, who had been deprived of care since childhood due to the fact that his mother simply did not have enough time to communicate with children, wanted to compensate for such a deficit in marriage and really hoped that gentle, cheerful and kind Katya would be able to fill this gap. He, too, was looking for care, and in his mind, care should look “comfortable”. He did not expect that his wife would be more concerned about her own interests, and not about common interests, including domestic ones. Relationships are formed on the principle of struggle and competition. Vladimir sets the rules in the family, not really considering Katya's expectations and requests, and since Katya does not meet reciprocity, she sabotages any rules that Vladimir proposes. A family on the verge of a divorce turned to a psychologist to resolve this problem.

The spouses were offered a Gestalt experiment to clarify the problem in the form of a circular interview. The spouses were asked to tell on behalf of each other in turn the last conflict, that is, Katya tells on behalf of Vladimir, and Vladimir on behalf of Katya.

Katya remembered well all the remarks of her husband, how the conflict began, what Vladimir said, how anger began to boil in him, what he said. While Katya was doing a good job with the task, Vladimir was constantly getting lost and at some point he got so badly lost that he could no longer recall what Katya said - he simply did not remember. He admitted that he did not remember, because he simply did not listen to Katya.

The experiment showed that in communication between spouses, competition is established. Vladimir is actively trying to dominate, imposing his own rules, as was customary in his family, and Katya fights Vladimir with "her own" methods.

The situation that spouses see - request

When asked by a psychologist what conclusion the spouses can draw from the experiment, the spouses reacted differently. Vladimir experiences a strong sense of shame. He covers his face with his hands, blushes. Katya sits pleased and satisfied, as if this situation really showed what is happening in reality and how Vladimir is losing control of himself.
The situation that Vladimir sees is as follows: he is ready to negotiate with Katya if she will fulfill his requests more responsibly, clean the house, cook food, help Vladimir in his work just as honestly as he does.

Katya sees the situation this way: she is ready to carry out orders if Vladimir stops screaming when he sees that she made a mistake or didn’t do something, because she had serious health problems and she really needed time to recover.

The conclusion of the psychologist and job offers that were agreed with the couple:

1. Restore the process of healthy communication in the family - draw the attention of the spouses to such a relationship that the less respect for each other's personality and more criticism, the less reliable and safe the relationship becomes. Reduce criticality of spouses towards each other.
2. Including pay attention to the fact that the “old” rules that were adopted in the parental families not only do not work in the new family, but also interfere, which is the reason for the need to create new rules that would take into account the interests of both parties - and husband, and wife.
3. Speak out hidden dissatisfaction that was not revealed by the spouses, reveal hidden needs, expectations from each other and from marriage.
4. Teach spouses to forgive each other, encourage any investment in partnerships, both emotional and financial, help around the house and express gratitude.
5. Support each other and help get through difficult situations, not alienate.

Outcome.

According to the planned plan, 5 meetings were held with a married couple, at which the spouses learned to communicate, to notice: how they show or do not show attention to each other, feelings and states of each other. Vladimir's explosive temperament was a particular problem, and he had to make a lot of effort in order to learn how to restrain his anger. The spouses managed to agree on behavior in quarrels: if Vladimir notices that he is very angry, he warns Katya about this and asks for time to recover. Katya at this moment understands that it’s already hard for Vladimir and gives him time to “cool down”, does not cling, does not ironically. In turn, if Vladimir asks Katya for something, then she is attentive to his requests and does not ignore them. The situation of interaction was greatly facilitated by work with increased criticality in relations, which provoked the emergence of high competition and struggle. One of the meetings was devoted to the problem of feedback - how spouses share feelings with each other, how to properly give feedback on each other's actions so as not to hurt the partner's feelings.

The next important aspect in psychotherapeutic work was the introduction of joint rules suitable for both spouses. The rules concerned the behavior of spouses in conflict, leisure activities, financial planning and investment by both spouses in the family budget.

The most important stage in the process of psychotherapy was the moment of clarification of mutual expectations from marriage, the identification of hidden needs, at which the spouses, with the help of a psychologist, were able to formulate important elements of caring for each other, were able to open up and speak out fears, doubts, hopes, which allowed them to return warmth to the relationship .
From meeting to meeting, the relationship between the spouses changed, became warmer, more tender, the joy of communication gradually returned. In the process of psychotherapy, Katya went to work.
Methods used in the process of family therapy:
Gestalt therapy in family counseling, elements of systemic family psychotherapy, psychodrama.

P.S. Unfortunately, not always family relationship problems can be resolved so quickly. There are cases so neglected that they resort to the intervention of a psychologist too late - the relationship is already on the verge of breaking, there is too much pain in the relationship. Try not to start the situation and do not think that problems will be resolved by themselves.

With best wishes, Maria Romantsova. You can sign up for a consultation on the previous page.

Unforgettable... your heart beats rapidly in your chest, "butterflies in my stomach" in your soul is so pleasantly disturbing... you are overwhelmed with love. With such feelings, most young couples meet, absorbed in a whirlpool of feelings and pleasant, romantic events that promise to carry for a long time and years.

Relations between a man and a woman are accompanied by certain stages hidden for them. The first stage is the romantic spirit of the relationship, when you look forward to a call and a meeting, under the influence of the endorphin hormone the world is different for you, the special link is that the lovers do not see shortcomings in each other, rather the ideals they were looking for. Often, young people marry during this period of relationship.

The second stage of the relationship is a kind of acceptance, knowledge of each other, peace in the relationship. Young people try to spend time together, learn each other's interests, life position.

At the third stage, the struggle for power manifests itself, lovers show their attitude to events, hiding character traits appear, a complete picture of the relationship opens up. The stage can be manifested by quarrels and attitudes about who is in charge!? For some couples, this stage in the relationship is the last, and for young people who were married, the stage ends with a divorce.

For young couples who have successfully passed the third stage, the fourth stage is coming, which is manifested in patience and humility. Quarrels are resolved, relationships continue. (For couples who already have children, this stage is very relevant, as the family quarrels, but keeps the family for the child).

At the fifth stage, the relationship gets a trusting - friendly character. The young have already established a family life, they are taught to overcome family difficulties, they treat each other as true friends, advisers, helpers.

The sixth stage is the revival of true love, which has gone through all the stages of relationships, strengthening, making the family a reliable fortress.

Against the background of the stages in the relationship between a man and a woman, attention is paid to the problems that they may face. Of course, the most important problems in our society are connected with the economic and social spheres. A young family, which is not always able to acquire personal housing after the wedding, gives rise to disagreements in marriage. The problem of employment and making one's "share" in the family budget, the lack of funds for the birth and further development of the child, as well as for the proper education of one's child. All these problems are global and a clear solution to the problem cannot be obtained by reading the literature, of course. This requires the work and interest of all social institutions, and of course the desire of the person himself to make his life and the life of his family better. Most often, this responsibility falls on the head of the family - a man. A man is compared with a breadwinner, a woman is a keeper of the hearth, they support such roles even now. Often from the lips of a man you hear a plaintive phrase: “what I don’t do, everything is wrong, I’m not happy with everything”!

For a man, the main thing is to feel the support of a woman, to feel her pride in his achievements. If a man makes a woman happy, he is satisfied. A man who listens to criticism and endless dissatisfaction with himself is motivated to find peace, which can mean a new keeper of the hearth. Therefore, men need support, they need a kind of emotional doping, admiration, approval from a woman.

An important aspect in a relationship for solving problems is the ability to listen and understand - this is how a woman thinks. In a state of stress, it is enough for a man to listen to his thoughts, collect all the information and think it over alone with himself, while a woman wants to discuss it with her friends and relatives. When a man has problems, he withdraws into himself, looking for the right answer. Such a reaction frightens a woman, she often takes everything personally, thoughts in her head: he stopped loving me, I did something wrong. Because this is exactly the reaction of a woman when she was offended or she is in a quarrel. It would be right if the woman gives him time to collect his thoughts, be alone, think about the problems that have arisen, and further constructive way out. The man, in turn, did not interfere with listening to the woman more often, she does not always require help in resolving the problem, it is enough for her that she was listened to and paid attention to.

It is important to always keep your relationship intact, closed to outsiders. Relations between a man and a woman do not tolerate interference from outside. You should not allow the intervention of parents or close friends, friends in solving the problem. Often, people involved in a conflict only aggravate the situation, no one can help better than yourself. Unless an experienced specialist in the field of family counseling.

The situation of distribution of household duties also causes quarrels and misunderstandings. After the bouquet and candy period, when people begin to live together, it is better to immediately discuss household chores, spending the family budget, spending time together. But do not immediately limit each other's personal freedom with prohibitions. It is not necessary to introduce strict rules and live according to a plan, family life should be harmonious, without suppressing the personality of everyone.

At the stage of planning and the birth of a child, a couple may encounter the whims and changing mood of a woman, the difficulties of caring for a child, the distribution of roles and responsibilities. It is better to prepare for such an event in advance. Nowadays, there are many courses for young parents, where they will talk about the joys of life that await a family. Of course, you won’t see the whole situation in reality, but the family will be ready theoretically and it won’t be a shock what to do for adults, accomplished ladies with a newborn child, maternal instincts and a sense of love will tell. The man, in turn, must support the woman, emotionally and physically, saying the words: "I understand you and imagine how you feel." Participate together in the upbringing of the child.

The foundation that a young family lays at the beginning of a relationship, after passing through the years, many obstacles on a happy life path, will only be stronger. Family life will be improved every moment when, overcoming difficulties, a happy family life, true love - this is the reward for the work that the family has overcome, being able to save itself whole and strong for many years!