Psychologist Angelica Politayev: As the native brothers and sisters become blood enemies. Complex relationships with sister and mom sister lives his life

Angelica Politayev is a family psychologist, a group therapist, GestalttereThest Eagt (European Association of Gestalt Therapy). Works in the RHPC mental health.

Native brothers and sisters very often become worst enemies. This story is old as the world, and it begins with the biblical parable of Cain and Avele. However, so far people close by kinship do not understand the processes that force them away from each other every day. Let's try to deal with the reasons for this problem.

In all this drama, it is important to understand: Talking about the relationships of brothers and sisters, we should not forget that there are almost always a third party here - parents who actually have a huge impact on what is happening. It often happens that one child is closer to parents, and his native brother or sister, feeling deprived of maternal and fatherly attention, builds its relationship from the position that he regularly takes the vital resource.

The ratio of parents to each child depends on so many reasons. It is important, under what circumstances he was born, whether he was welcome, whether anyone died shortly before his birth. Even the financial condition of the family and the economic and political situation in the country are important. A very significant moment - what were the relationship with their parents with their brothers and sisters. And all this will affect what place in the family will take the child and what will be expected from him.

In our culture, as in the culture of other countries, the idea that the child is a comprehensive happiness and joy, became an axioma. Therefore, all negative feelings in relation to it are considered shameful and sweeping as much as possible. But it is impossible to just take and hide anger, irritation, accumulated fatigue. Even if all this negative is constantly taking up to the background, sooner or later it works, sometimes at a completely unconscious level. It turns out that parents from all their forces sincerely try to demonstrate to their children only love, but the subconscious minds themselves very unpleasant things and pushes sometimes on the disgusting actions: using their status, it's so difficult sometimes not to undermine! An even more difficult situation, when children are somewhat: the idea that children need to love the same thing joins the depressed negative feelings.

And precisely in this, in my opinion, is the biggest self-deception. Speaking allegorically, the heart can really hurt for each child equally, but the same relationship with different children is simply impossible due to the fact that these are two different personalities.

Deceiving herself, parents try as arterly as possible to disguise the difference in relation to their children, and then immediately begin to talk about ephemeral justice: "We all give you the same way," "We love you equally, no matter what" ... but these ranting A child who is very subtle feels attitude towards himself, do not deceive.

If you take the story of Cain and Abel, then from a psychological point of view, she is about rejection. God did not accept the gifts from one brother, but accepted them from another. And if we decrypt the metaphor further, the parable tells about the adoption and recognition by the parents of one child and the unaccepting of another.

In fact, the deep cause of all conflicts between siblings [genetic term denoting the descendants of some parents - approx. Onliner.by] lies in the struggle for love. And such a struggle is a completely normal phenomenon, because for a child parent love is one of the main resources, to survive without which it is very difficult and which is not too much.

However, the family is a mini-state, where there is its own hierarchy, legislative and executive power, where functions and roles are clearly distributed. Only appearing on the light, the child already falls into the niche, which parents prepared for him. This niche is filled with parental ideas and expectations of how they want to see their child. As a rule, with the firstborn, parents associate the embodiment of their own unrealized desires. And when is the second, third child appears? Does parents have the idea that each of them should find your way? Or they want to grow "good luck soldiers", where all as one correspond to a single standard? Comparing children with each other, parents provoke them to competition and the feeling of their own inferiority. So, someone becomes pride and hope, and someone is a family permanent bucket, focusing all the qualities of all the qualities.

Parent for a child - and the king, and God, anger on it is fraught with punishment and causes a lot of fear. Therefore, instead of shouting on the mother that he lacks her love, the child easier to indispens anger on his brother or sister.

Are there any practical advice? Of course, it is best to solve such complex questions with the help of specialists, because in each case there is completely different situations. And yet you can designate the first steps to solve the problem.

If your children are not entitled not to life, but for death, think about: what bar did you put for them? Often we broadcast them that we will love them only if they deserve it. What do you need to deserve your love? Excellent marks, successes in sports, external beauty? All your expectations are the future, and the child is already in the present. Is it possible to love him as it is today? Admit the difference between your children, think about how one is close to you, and what the second, and try to build a relationship based on what you value in the child at the moment, and not what you could rate in ten years when As you hope, he will become as you want.

Often parents are heated by conflicts, delegating their powers to the eldest child: they say, watch their younger brother (sister). Who will like, when is equal to the status of a person with the silent consent of the parents begins to build you? At the same time, it is necessary to understand that the adults are beneficial for adults, since they do not speak as an aggressor, but a senior child, his hands are made by "dirty work". Such a hierarchy shares children. Moreover, it loads the "main" absolutely not child responsibility.

But after being at the same level of the hierarchy, Siblingi are ready to give each other love and support. Brother or sister may even partly compensate for the mistakes of the parents, because together with them much easier to experience injustice or indifference towards themselves.

Therefore, conflicts between brothers and sisters - the story is not about the one who is better, and who is worse, but about those who love more. The most bright and heavy example of such battles is what is happening in some families after the death of parents. Until this mournful hour, everyone retained the face, but the tragedy overnightly hesitates the old wounds - and now there is an irreconcilable war for the inheritance, which, in fact, is a battle for the remaining of what can be called heritage of parents, for the last drops of their memory, recognition and love. This is the last chance, and the children are fighting for him, ready to break what remains from parents, in pieces. Probably, therefore, it looks always so terribly and repulsive, whatever the arguments operated on each of the parties. I repeat, in the overwhelming majority of cases, this conversation is not about money: they act as equivalent to love and recognition.

Our brothers and sisters become part of our identity. They are present in the brightest, pleasant memories of our childhood along with warm milk at grandmother in the village, the first adventures, the knowledge of the surrounding world - if the stars have developed if parents understood how important this partnership is. If everything happens correctly, it binds us very deep roots and helps to maintain and develop related links throughout life. If there is no attachment formed once, then there is no "glue" that will keep their many years.

She may be better than you or not, but the competition between you exists. Sister since childhood was your problem that did not give a quiet life. You always hoped that you both mature, and the end will come to this lawlessness. But the older you become, the more clearly you understand: and the finish is not visible.

How to stop competing with sister and start living your life?

Of course, all problems go from childhood. And often it is extremely difficult to get rid of them. To begin with, remember what you had a relationship with my sister, when did you both be small? Do parents often put some of you in the example of another? How many times did any of you remained "on the second plan", becoming just the shadow of the sister? How often did you envy each other? And how did the love of parents distributed?

These and many similar questions will help you solve our real problems with my sister. Suppose you are younger, so parents regularly set you as an example of the merits of the eldest sister. You stopped her things, then she took you on your parties, you liked her guys .. This state of affairs develops certain complexes in the child, which are reduced to the following: "It's time to accept the fact that I am lagging behind and do not reach the sister's level. But after all, next to her, I stand much more. " This complex of inferiority and shame does not leave you further.

Sad statistics says: In an adult conscious age, brothers and sisters are only more distinguished from each other, and do not get closer.

Having matured, you kept the same little child who looks at the sister with an open mouth and let implicitly, but still continues to compare herself with her and compete. The younger sister idealizes the older, but at the same time depreciates himself. For this veil may not be visible to you: no one is perfect. And your sister has its weaknesses that you just refuse to notice.

The faster you understand this and let's notify, the faster you will cease to burden the feeling of rivalry. You can look at sister with different eyes. Perhaps even on something to sympathize with her, to understand her female nature. The wasolation will disappear, you can better communicate and learn from each other to something important.

In addition, it's time to understand: now each of you lives a separate life, you do not need to keep out of drawing things and fight for parental love. You both became formed personalities that may (and should) begin a constructive dialogue. Your war has long been completed, and whether it was in principle - a big question. Now you have become those who dreamed of childhood when they thought to grow as soon as possible.

Psychologists claim: native brothers and sisters who do not communicate in adulthood, very regretting it. But sometimes it happens that it is no longer possible to correct in relations with my sister. Therefore, start building bridges right now. To start, just call her and ask, like her business. No one asks you to immediately become the best friends with it, but the first step needs to be done to, at least, to remove the cargo of competition, which does not give you to live your life, forcing the sister constantly.

The first step is always difficult to do. And no one promises that everything will be easily easy and simple. But he will follow the joy of communicating with his native man. And you still will be surprised why so many years have deprived himself.

Can a native sister be an excess person in life?

Four children were in the family. The brothers grew up, they themselves live, and with the sister we talked closely.

I lived as if her life, her concerns. (Let's say why? We were so taught!) No, it does not mean that she could not without me, could. She acted the main decisions in life herself, and I only put in fame and puzzled with my own requests.

I fled to help in any situation, throwing my family. Fortunately in my family, everything is fine, the husband is always on pickup.

Sisters have the first gods - I go to another city to help her with a child. I stand under the windows of the family at home in the frost at night, I am visiting her favorite compote with cookies at 8 am for breakfast. I cook at home, I'm staring, I repair everything to the discharge, I turn bad, because it is ramp.

It was the first call in the life that I am superfluous, there is no way crossed offense. With the baby sat while she was at the session.

In the second birth, I find a doctor to her, I'm lucky to give birth in the hospital, until I gave birth, I carry a compote from the morning with cookies, and again I am preparing for an extract. Always played to help, again, with the elder, it remained when she traveled with the younger operation. On weekends, I have them with my husband's products need to buy, but me ... And then, then, if the time remains.

She gave birth to the Third Rebeca, I sat in the birthday again, waited.

I prepared everything for the discharge, I went to buy, which was not enough. Then she sat with her baby when she was with an average for treatment.

And she came, and accused me that my child fell like a shock with a fracture received. What a shaking, she understood because the child is sick, and what a fracture, because the hand does not give. When she said it to me, for me the world turned over, I did not believe my ears, I asked, really I would not tell her that the child had fallen a lot, for whom she takes me, would I really hid it, and not the first would run in Hospital, calling on the move mom.

My first reaction was to run to her child, all examining on X-ray, then I think, stop how much you can run like this, to fly to help my head, shaking offensive words with myself, and smile again, I could not more.

I then had a brain completely turned off, I could not think about, even go and hang from such a charge of unfair. I wore her daughter on my hands, I looked looked excumbly, my husband in the apartment at this time did repair to her arrival, although I worked at this time, I also did a repair.

Of course, nothing was confirmed, but I had a precipitate left. She told her, once you do not trust, do not leave me.

Everything, she struck me out of his life, saying that I would not see her children, I began to sell toys that I gave it to children.

So now I live only my family, there is no sister's place in my life, like me in her. It was hard for me, I was used to live not only for myself, but for others. Now gradually learn to live for myself, only bad it turns out, the wounded soul hurts.

Children adults (10 and 15 years old), independent, husband supports, but I feel bad, I never thought that my sister would become a stranger in my life. Brother she tried to set up against me, I'm not going to justify before him, let him understand.

Mom can not do anything, the father has ambitious plans how to reconcile us. But since I needed it only as a servant, nanniki, and I said the first time in the life "No" then you can exclude me from life. It's a shame, and if you even think about, and I will not sit with her children, it is possible and not to put up at all, she does not see meaning in this. From our communication, it will no longer be able to benefit for themselves, so it does not go to reconciliation.

So I remained alone, and before you were four. And what, where all ... This is such a life.

And before, when we were a lot, there were funny holidays, put the scenes, filmed movies. Children were a whole kindergarten. Now everyone is in his mink.

i understand that myself is to blame, which planted it on her neck, and she was glad. But here is my character, so I feel bad, but she doesn't care. It is only a pity for her that they will have to cope.

It can, of course, can understand, she only arrived, took her daughter, then fell asleep, the baby took the oldest daughter for a walk, pulled her handle, and his sister was broken that I broke, yeah, and so after a day I taking the baby for the handle, I discovered that She hurts. Who is to blame, not the oldest daughter, you need to call my sister, even though it can be offended, but you need to ask if the baby fell.

And I really was offended. And the sister urgently sorry for her, as she was now alone with three children, the average for disability, it is necessary to heal it, the eldest beat his hands, the youngest baby completely demands a lot of attention, we never completed her attention, so I didn't go to my brother And I told what kind of bad, refused to be nanny to be.

That's how I became an excess person in the life of the sister.

Hello, I have very complicated, incomprehensible relationship with your native sister. I am 38 years old, married, two children, and sister 36, no husband, nor children, lives with mom. She had an unsuccessful marriage, ended in divorce. Maybe everyone would have done themselves yet, but Mom saw the sister's sister's sister, lazy, pofigista and a sister under her mother's influence, divorced her husband.

And now she sees afraid to build a new relationship, says that she doesn't need it, next to her mother so good, she will fold, and will prepare, and it will sympathize, they are wonderful with their mom, tandem, they are consulted in everything, together solve problems. But at the same time, it is probably not once again not to worry mom with some problems, sister "pours out the soul" to someone else's man, the so-called friend, which is 15 years older than sister and whose bunch of their problems, which can not solve that.

It seems like there was a soul soul. I don't tell my sister, it may not want to load his problems, it may not trust. Although we, to my marriage, there were normal relations. Now we don't even go anywhere together, neither take a walk, nor in the cafe go like, for example, two girlfriends. Whether she doesn't want this at all, it is not interesting, whether it does not want to leave mom one house. And with my mother, they are very smoothly walking on shopping and sometimes travel. When I somehow spoke about friendly communication with my sister, she answered me: And what should I do, so that you want.

Those. It turns out that it is not necessary. She is my younger sister, but sometimes it seems to me that she is with my mother our common mother, reasonable, awesome, although it can only advise me how to communicate with my children sometimes. And her mother protects, protects, even from me. The sister never helps to establish a relationship with my mother during the quarrel, she takes the side of Mom and in all disagreements I get guilty only.

He tells me: Talk to my mother directly, I do not need to interfere. Even with familiar, girlfriends at the sister's relationship better than with me. Maybe she is angry with me, that I betrayed her "betrayed" having married, Rouching children, and she lives alone with her mother, lives his mother's life. I somehow strain such relationships, i want to talk, something to discuss, and just to talk about the maiden, but we are moving further away from each other. Mom says that they have their own family, I have your own, here and her husband and go everywhere.

They consider and confident that they have no problems in relationships with me, and I have and I need to a psychologist. Although both parties are to blame for conflicts, and then I get only. It is impossible to talk in souls at once everything is perceived in the bayonets and it is plugged. On the one hand, I seem to and I want to establish relationships, but for some reason I want it only, and on the other I think that you have to live my family and just sometimes meet with my mother and sister, not delight in their problems, life.

It seems to me that mom configures his sister for a negative in relation to me, she is with us with her husband very offended For any reason, and the fact that we seem like her, do not make up the upbringing of children, and that we do not help physically or materially. And when we offer help, she says that nothing needs. He considers us ungrateful in everything, Mom sometimes sank with the older granddaughter. He says that give me granddaughter to upbringing, and sometimes even threatens that he will take her, having deprived us of parental rights. These are all my native people and mom, and sister, and now we are strangers. It is impossible to establish a good relationship.

Complex relationship with sister and mom

Valeria Hello.
You are already all adults, everyone has their own life and interfere and help it only when they ask for help. Yes, I understand you love your relatives and want to be closer to them, but as they say the further the closer. We must take them as they are. Want your sister to live with my mother, this is her choice. Often we help our native understanding and faith in the fact that everything will be as better for them.
Seraphim Sarovsky said / save himself and thousands will be saved. /
Change someone's life is not possible, and not correct. We can change only themselves.
You can and you need to meet with our relatives, come to visit each other, but at the same time not to disturb their personal space. Talk to shared topics, make them pleasant things. At the same time, without imposing his opinion.
Treat with love and understanding to your sister and mom, unreight on their resentment, and everything is formed.
I wish you joy and good luck. Sincerely, psychologist Valentina Violel.

Hello! I do not know why I am writing ... Tired, deadly tired. Forces no longer. From the side it may seem
What I'm not so bad, but for me every day - torture.
Until some time, everything really was tolerant. Yes, there was no boyfriend, yes, there was an ambush with work, but somehow not
Perceived everything is so terrible. It all started 5 years ago, when it was found that the younger sister (5 years
The difference) is lucky and more successful on all fronts. Yes, and her parents were supported in every way. First conflicts
started when they gave her money to the alignment of the teeth (not 10 and not even 50 tr.), despite the fact that I, too, with
The teeth were the problems (once aunt, simple as 5 kopecks, was curious, they say that they would not join something?)
Imagine how I felt? I'm running forward to say that when I was already accepting and spit on it,
The glorified and I have (but financially I have to count only on myself).
All these years, the sister met with friends, guys, well, you know, the tour bazes, all sorts trips. And I'm after
The betrayal of the best girlfriend remains completely alone. In 4-walls. It was just unbearably to see her daily
Oil physonium. And she in communication with me behaved disseminately, condescendingly, they say where you,
Running, understand.
Two years ago, I already stood on the verge. I had half a half. One thought: What if there is even worse?
I prayed: Lord, if you hear, to make my hand, stop me! Through the moment the phone rang.
Escape was postponed ... And now he even overwhelmed from me.
During these two years, nothing happened in my life. Nothing at all. Oh, yes, I became 2 years older. Sisters
All chocolate, she does not consider me at all. From today, parents took her apartment.
Secretly. I thought I would not recognize ... The sister would not like the Mgo to pay for her. Now they left
Clause her new dwelling, and I roar.
There is no justice in this world. The closest people betrayed me. I hate them all. I have no one and nothing
It remains for what I could linger. Tired of endless pain. Is it possible to torture last 30
years old? So long do not try, it is inhumanly, it must be or killed, or let go. I do not want anything else. Ahead
Only emptiness and pain. I do not want.

R.S. The woman who is considered to me the mother is the older sister, which was alone alone. And the latter
Years one cared for old-way parents who helped "junk" all his life. I do not want this end.
I do not want to repeat the story. It is better to stop everything now.
Support Website:

aRABESKA, Age: 30 / 06/01/2013

Responses:

Maybe it's just envy? Instead of trying to build your life, you are sitting and squeeze from anger,
Envy and hatred, finding out who and who loves more, who of you are more successful, who is more beautiful and happier? And life is going through the time. Maybe that your parents are better to your sister? And think that you yourself could love the envious and unreasonable person? This is first. And secondly, you are 30 years old! You're already an adult woman ... leave the parents already, please. Or you will demand a help, smooth teeth and apartments from them?

Olya, age: 26 / 06/01/2013

Arabeska, I understand you - my sister is also lucky - constant work with a salary 3 times more that
Either I was paid, the child is - I drive me away from all the works, I lost my child, my mother very often rises
Sisters Even when it is not right - I don't want to live at such moments too, only husband saves. I wish you all the same
Take yourself in hand and live on. Not the fact that you will also have as aunt, everyone has a different fate.
Best of all in this situation to seek another circle of communication, sign up for fitness, some master clasa in needlework, modeling
From clay - you need to distract from this gloomy setting, you need to start communicating with other people.
I understand you - you really want to be appreciated and loved. But since the natives turned away - you need to build your
happiness. I wish you to meet your half. 30 is just the beginning of life. My friend met her husband in
32 years old, before that there was one. You can't know how fate will turn. Yes life is not sugar - believe me, even at yours
Sisters have problems just she does not talk about them. And stop comparing yourself with my sister. You only
eaten. You are unique and unique - such no longer will and why you should have everything like sister -
Men etc Sister moved - now it will be easier for you - no one will pump the situation. Do not lower your hands -
Life is unpredictable - everything will work out. I wish you this.

Sabrina, Age: 27 / 06/01/2013

Arabeska, we all come from childhood. You are stuck at the age of 5, when your sister was born. You have a resentment and
Jealousy to parents, envy to the sister. From this must be released. Find your way of liberation. Can
Say: "Oh! It's long, I'm right now." Do not work. But you will spend much more time experience,
Than on the search and solution. I can not give advice, I'm looking for (or rather, I found it - you must now do). But I can advise
Other. You start to see: how? What? Why? Where? This happens when you understand: "What I want." Not selfish
And in the shower. Basic Rules: This does not depend on anyone, no of anything, this is not solved by anyone, nothing, nor at the expense of
That is something, especially, not to the detriment of who, what. That is not at the expense of your parents, not to the detriment of your sister and TD (not
Let me be so cool, and she is also bad as me now). We must constantly ask yourself what I want. Long,
constantly. When will the answer, you will know where to go. You came to live your life, and not your life
Sisters, parents. Because of your overwhelming emotions, you do not see anything, free. And understand what you want personally
you. Let's start, understand, it is very interesting (although it is difficult at times). Good luck to you.

Olga, age: 38/201/2013

Go to another city, change the job, change everything! Let them stay without you, and you without them. You alone can handle, you are not accustomed to be without support. Then you will see, you miss you or not. If yes - everything is fine, and if not - then you just do it right what you want. Without them, you will be better. If you don't want to communicate with them at all - you will turn around all the ties, you will not know that the sister is going on, and you will be calmer. Leave!

Alice, age: 24 / 06/01/2013

Arabesque, you lack life experience and look from the part to sort out their situation. Not all
Chocolate at the sister. She does not consider you for a person? Do not doubt, there are deep, very complicated,
Disadvantaged problems, problems with whom she is trying to cope at the expense of your depression. It turns out a scheme
"Tirant - the victim" acts between sisters. She will act on you negatively until you
Stop compete with my sister, offended at her. Live in parallel, if there is no friendship, then at least
Get quarrel in any way. It is very important. Always remember. Hard to her. That she will never open.
Do our affairs, earn and copy money, buy accommodation, draw your life, do it
Quietly and constantly, as if you know exactly what you want. Where maybe they are settled where you need to endure, put in
life change if it takes a soul, pray, but do not do any actions only because
His significance before the sister and parents. Her proudness and bad character will manifest itself in relationships with
Other people, young man, parents. Not all the information beats up to you. But something will learn something.
Take care and wish her good.

Irina, Age: 50 / 06/01/2013

There are no big misfortunes in life. The main trouble that does not give you to live, rejoice, love relatives is envy. Torture will last as much as you will envy.
You have your needs - your sister's sisters. You are different throughout. None of you are worse and no one is better. It seems to you that someone parents spend more money, it means that they love more?! - This is not true. Love cannot be measured in cash equivalent. It is quite possible, parents consider sister not as serious, more vulnerable, defenseless in an adult world, so help her more. So it was with my sister, although she is over for 4 years older. At the same time, the lessons did with it, and with me - it is. She was met and accomplished from training - I do not. I was offended at first, and then regained it as ... Own success. I'm younger, but I am more simpler, and I am learning better than it without any help.
It is still possible that the sister is in gentle with parents. A good word and cat is nice, parents - especially since. So they say: "sucks the gentle calf calf." And this is true. Affectionately ask - you can, mother will try
Perform. Require - useless. Mother is not obliged to fulfill the requirements of the child. She should not anyone. Proceed from this. In my understanding, a successful person is a person who is generally satisfied with his life, his destiny. It doesn't matter what kind of fate and what problems he is, it is important to self-care: everything is fine (yes, it could be even better, but everything is impossible everywhere).
Relative to the "end". If the sister lives alone, and the other has a husband and children, then the first elderly parents will take care of the first. Why do you think it humiliates it? It is better to throw in four walls one than to decorate life
elderly parents? I do not understand...
If both sisters are with her husband, then it all depends on family circumstances: to whom to go closer, whether the husband is calm,
How many are children and so on. From the circumstances, one of the sisters cares more, the other is smaller. And not at all
For whom how many parents of money and nerves spent.

Elena and Age: 37 / 06/01/2013

Discard the parents and live your life. You really stuck in the 5th age. And your sister is probably really wounded than you, here and walk more than you. And teeth .. this is a corrected business! Everything will work out, you will see!

Aigulana, Age: 36 / 06/01/2013

Arabeska, you are an adult, independent woman. Leaving your parents and live separately. You are by yourself, they are by themselves.

Natalia, Age: 23 / 06/01/2013

Go to the church to the priest, tell him what you told us here, and he will help you.
God with you!

Valery, age: 25 / 06/01/2013

Here I read and see that for the most part, all-whining, except for the appeal to God! I grew up without my father (I speak as a fact
not a network that it is especially difficult for me, there are many such, and for a man, yes I think for the girl it is hard!) I was still
crucial, unilent, character perfectly very, suspicious, malicious, most importantly not very courageous
was. And here I am from the 11th grade, I did not best change myself, my life, even though not the best, but I started! Engaged
sport, much, just because that, I didn't know what I still do .. I went to the army, there because I am clumsy, not
outstanding by martial qualities and not very shattered to communicate with men, it is necessary for me every day and every hour, except for the night,
And sometimes at night mocked and humiliated! I, without thinking, turned to God and prayed every day, first my words
, then read, the prayer that Grandfather gave. And she worked every day, in the morning at lunch and in the evening! At first there were changes
invisible, began to fear less, they became indifferent to mockery, the fear of pain was missing, rage appeared (and anger on
Himself, for your weakness)! So I became stronger physically, more confident, knowing this to those who were not going to risk
Health, did not fit me with ridicule! In general, with God's help, I took the first step and now I work on
ourselves, only even stronger, the circle of communication is now normal men, athletes, do not frish, do not smoke, strive for
Good, decent life! And now I do everything with God's help, I worry without downtrend and at work and everywhere, and people
I am glory to God! And I as I understood, you do not engage in sports, you do not go to the church, do not pray regularly and
Want to help you helped! For him, too, you need to do a lot! But he will always give more!

Vadim, Age: 55/02/06/2013

Envy is a terrible and soul soul. Better you go away from this temptation. In another city, to the monastery - anywhere. Save your soul.

Agnia Lvovna, Age: 72/02/06/2013

Enough easy, try to glanly for your native sister, in the end this is a person close to you, her successes are and your success, try to experience the pride for what your sister is successful. And if you can't, then it is better for you to leave somewhere in order not to destroy your soul.

Alla, age: 24/02/02/2013

Arabeska, try to abstract from the life of the sister and live your life. Why should your life be reduced to some endless competition with sister? Everyone has their own character, their own life and his fate. It will always be more successful, richer, happier ... Let not be a sister - a friend, a colleague, a neighbor ... If you really navigate, then it will not be a life, but solid stress and flour. Let the sister have so - you have differently. Because you are the other ... with your rhythm and personal features ... live like you think you need. No need to look around and equal to anyone. Life is short, it is better to live it so, I want to you.

Good luck!

rain man: 25/02/06/2013

Arabeska, in our family (her head has always been a grandmother), all the best got his older daughter and grandchildren. I and my mother (younger) were so the second grade. But, when 7 years ago, the grandmother died in Belarus, "Pets" chose to throw an old man there, and we took it to live to us in Ivanovo. And they will cope with such a difficult situation as life with an elderly and capricious person. He is now with his sun and joy calling us. And "Pets" for all this time even an old man's birthday gift and the Victory Day were not brought ... Only call and complain how they are hard in Moscow! Of course it's a shame that the grandmother did not appreciate anything in my mother and did not understand (which is a wonderful person and professional in the PR-sphere) ... Your situation is not the most tragic or heavy. Decide exactly how you want to live your life: spend time on envy and reproach (even if just) is just stupid.

Yukiko, Age: 34/04/2013

How I understand you! In vain here they say that you envy, and from that all your problems. Anyone, regardless of age, I want to feel parental love and support. My parents also preferred the younger sister all their life. With that, mother with the Father has long been divorced, and despite this, relatives that with one thing that, on the other hand, they whose namilovyovy, and financially helped her. All her praised her, said what she was beautiful and all the other in the same vein. It all started since childhood - she was a painful, hysterical and completely inflated child. I read at four years old, the verses of long told, and she was generally not capable of anything, here it was sorry and snubs. Every year more and more, and I moved to the background, until it remained in its shadow finally. But I'm hard, so I didn't tolerate, and when she lost so much that began to try to talk me with the support of parents by the mother sent them all and left. He took an apartment with her friend, got a job, now I do not support communication with them, nerves are more expensive.

Olga, Age: 23/28.2013

I am also an older sister)). And now I find so many advantages)). My father said to me in childhood. What I have to deserve love, and you have to love everyone, I am my older sister is my destiny, she will accept, she is younger. I did not accept. And now I am an older sister with a big letter !! I took everything in my hands. I analyzed the actions of sisters and parents. If the father says I am an older sister, it does not mean that everything younger, and the elders nothing, it also means that the sister must obey and respect her !! Now I am exactly the oldest sister. I am pleased to give her advice and care for your parents, going to them, hugging and talking: Oh, you, my kids. They lacked this. They have changed so much. Even I now began to defend the younger sister when they raise it. Everything changed not immediately, from 8 years I went to my goal and so far I apply methods so that the authority does not disappear.

Tatyana, age: 30/09/2013

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